


chemist

by brandywine421



Category: The OC (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Infidelity, Melodrama, Mental Health Issues, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:00:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 161,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23135032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: AU for The OC with a Ryan/Summer slant.*(in ref to the tags & warnings, if you saw the show, you know the deal, this is just a reconfigured play on canon events.)Moving this monster from LJ - originally published 2005.
Relationships: Ryan Atwood/Summer Roberts, Seth Cohen/Marissa Cooper
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32
Collections: Old School OC





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> According to my 15 year old intro, this takes place immediately after the canon events of the Fashion show in episode 1.
> 
> It never got a title of its own, it existed as the 'ryan-summmer-au-pilot-fic'.
> 
> *This was unbetaed in 2005 and it's still unbetaed today. But it's one of the fics I try to reread once a year because, dayum it was a beast and I finished it and it has some melodrama that I still don't believe came out of my brain. According to the LJ dates - this took 3 years to finish. !!! WHAT. THREE YEARS.*

Seth’s eyes widen when they walk into the beach house. He looks from the almost naked girls dancing to the drugs on the table to the crowd of people by the counter mixing drinks. He turns to Ryan to see if he’s as surprised, but Ryan already has a cigarette hanging from his lips and is folding his jacket up before setting it down on top of a pile of other jackets.  
  
“Dude…”  
  
“Are you going to geek out on me, Seth?” Ryan asked quietly, teasing. He pats him on the back. “Let’s get a drink, everything will look better after a drink.”  
  


* * *

  
“Summer, did I just see Seth Cohen out there?” Marissa asked, finding her friend in the bathroom with a half-smoked joint in her hand.  
  
“Close the door, this is a personal smoke session,” Summer snapped, closing it behind her. “Cohen? Oh, yeah, he came with Ryan, the new boy. The hot, new boy,” she added.  
  
“Summer, you can’t have him, I’ve got dibs,” Marissa said, taking the joint from her and inhaling deeply.  
  
“Dibs? No, girl, you’ve got Luke. He might be big and stupid, but he’s yours. You are not a free agent. Me, I can have any boy out there,” Summer said, flipping her hair.  
  
“You have had most of them,” Marissa replied.  
  
Summer gave her the finger. “Whatever. I need something different. And this kid is definitely not Newport, which might be just what I’m looking for.”  
  
“You are totally breaking the code,” Marissa warned.  
  
Summer raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you seriously going to be upset if I go after him?”  
  
Marissa hesitated but finally sighed, leaning back against the wall. “I have Luke. You’re right. If you want him…”  
  
“I definitely want him,” Summer smiled, taking a long drag off the joint before giving it back to Marissa. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about it,” she winked.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan was talking to some girl that Seth had never seen before that had legs that went up to her ears.  
  
Seth had never been to a party like this. He hadn’t even conceived that they happened outside of tvland but he wondered why he’d spent so much angsting about a life that considered these things fun.  
  
He could see that Ryan was having fun, the girl had her hand on his thigh in a spot that would seriously give Seth the boy scout badge for tent-pitching, but Ryan was cool and collected.  
  
“You all right, Seth?” Ryan asked quietly as the girl drifted off.  
  
“Where’d she go?”  
  
“She’s going to try and score us some weed. Do you blaze?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Um, no…why, do you think I look like an arsonist?”  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes but was smiling. “No, dude, weed, ganja, you know…mary jane?”  
  
“Oh, yeah, that’s…I actually do much better with that than I do with this piss in a cup,” Seth said, motioning to his beer.  
  
“I know this isn’t really your scene, man…” Ryan started but Seth was looking past him.  
  
Summer Roberts, the girl of his dreams was leaning against the wall with Chip Saunders’ hands up her shirt.  
  
And it was like every fantasy he ever had exploded.  
  
Summer Roberts was letting some random dude feel her up in public.  
  
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.  
  
“What’s up?” Ryan asked, following his gaze.  
  
“She’s a slut,” Seth muttered, looking away.  
  
“Oh…you…”  
  
“I guess…I should’ve figured it out, right? I mean, she’s popular and hot and…it’s not like she was saving herself for me or anything…”  
  
“I’m sorry, man,” Ryan said, genuine.  
  
“I’m going to take a walk.”  
  
“I’ll save you some green, all right? Come find me when you get back,” Ryan said when he stood up.  
  
“Thanks,” Seth said. He felt better knowing that Ryan was going to wait on him. It was nice to have a wingman. Even if he was stuck being a wingman.  
  
He took his beer and walked out onto the beach. There were a bunch of jocks gathered around a bonfire and he made extra sure to stay out of their way and went further down the beach toward the boardwalk.  
  
He heard the sound of sobbing before he reached the pilings.  
  
He recognized Marissa sitting on one of the dunes.  
  
It took him a moment to consider what to do. This was his neighbor, but she had never really been his friend. But she was a girl and she was crying. It was his responsibility to do something.  
  
He couldn’t think of anything to say for once and sat down beside her. She looked at him, wiping her eyes, but continued to make those noises that girls apparently made when they were crying to hard to catch their breath.  
  
He put his arm around her and she leaned against him, turning her face into her shoulder.  
  
“You okay?” he asked, finally.  
  
“Luke…and Holly…they’re…” she choked, motioning toward the pier.  
  
“Oh,” Seth realized what she was referring to. “Do you want me to kick his ass?”  
  
She laughed, wiping her tears but still crying. “No. But thanks.”  
  
“I could do it, you know,” he threatened. He made a dramatic show of pulling up his sleeve to show her his nonexistent bicep. “I’m totally buff.”  
  
She giggled. “What are you doing here, Seth? This totally isn’t you.”  
  
“Well, it’s kind of a long story,” he said, for some reason needing to share with her.  
  
“Distract me. Fill me in,” she said.  
  
“Well, when I was in kindergarten, I fell in love with a girl. And I thought she was perfect, even though she still doesn’t know my name. And then tonight, I see that she’s not what I thought she was. And it’s like, every drawing I ever made, every dream I ever had…it’s just gone.”  
  
“I kind of know how that feels. Except I was really dating Luke and you were just obsessed with Summer,” Marissa said.  
  
“I never said her name,” Seth replied.  
  
“She knows your name, Seth. But…you’re not exactly her type. She…she should’ve told you, but…you’re a nice guy and I didn’t want her to hurt your feelings,” Marissa said.  
  
Seth sighed, keeping his arm around her. “Well, Luke’s an ass and I should’ve told you, too. Looks like we’ve both lost things tonight that we never really had in the first place.”  
  


* * *

  
Ryan was sitting on the patio, basking in the afterglow of the fabulous blunt he’d just smoked with the nameless hottie that had hurried off with her phone in her hand.  
  
He felt hands on his shoulders and then on his back and finally on his ass.  
  
“Back so soon?”  
  
“Oh, believe me, you’d remember me if I’d been here,” a voice said.  
  
He blinked away the marijuana fog and recognized Summer in front of him.  
  
Her bikini didn’t leave much to the imagination.  
  
God, Seth would kill him.  
  
But she was so damned hot.  
  
“I think you’re right. I’d definitely remember you,” he said.  
  
She smiled. “I’d like to get to know you a little better, Ryan,” she said, leaning close and kissing him on the lips, her tongue inviting itself into his mouth.  
  
She was too hot for him to pass up.  
  
But there was Seth…  
  
He made himself pull away. “We can’t do this.”  
  
“Why not? Oh, god, not because of that geek…”  
  
“Not helping your case much calling my friend a geek,” Ryan said, stumbling to his feet.  
  
“Sorry, god, sorry, but there’s nothing between us, it’s all in his head, he has no claim on me,” she said, pushing him against the wall when he tried to walk away.  
  
She put her hands in his pockets and pushed upward until she cornered his stirring cock in the bunching of his pants through the fabric.  
  
“You want me, too…”  
  
“Not like this, I don’t,” Ryan said, forcing himself to walk away. He had to find Seth. Now.  
  
God, Summer was like every girl he’d ever fucked, she was horny and willing and into him and he knew that she’d make it worth his while…  
  
But he had to change. He had to walk away and be the better man. This wasn’t Chino and he didn’t know who was open season and who was off limits.  
  
He needed to find Seth.  
  
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Ryan. I’ll get you, one way or the other,” she called after him.  
  


* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Seth and Marissa were making their way back to the party.  
  
Seth had no idea that Marissa Cooper had anything in common with him apart from a zip code but after spending the past half hour with her, he was seeing a whole new side of her.  
  
The group of boys by the bonfire had gotten bigger but Marissa didn’t seemed threatened so Seth ignored them, listening to her talk about the new Bright Eyes album.  
  
“What are you doing with that queer, Coop? Where’s Luke?”  
  
Seth glanced up and saw Chip Saunders towering over him.  
  
“Leave us alone, Chip,” Marissa replied, pushed past him and taking Seth’s wrist to pull him with her toward the house.  
  
“This little dweeb’s bothering you, isn’t he?” Chip asked. He laughed and promptly pulled his arm back and punched Seth in the face.  
  
“Hey!”  
  
Seth was still spinning and trying not to cry like a little bitch when he saw Ryan arrive.  
  
Marissa was kneeling beside him, worried but Seth was transfixed by his new friend.  
  
Ryan was like a street fighter and he had Chip on his ass in a matter of seconds. When the other boys ran up to help Chip, Ryan took two of them down before they got the upper hand.  
  
“God, can you guys stop it?” Summer appeared with what seemed to be a water hose and quickly brought the brawl and the bonfire to an end. “You’re acting like retards, and while for most of you, that isn’t different, you need to chill out!”  
  
She dropped the nozzle and it landed on Chip’s chest with a thump when she saw Marissa. “Coop? What happened?”  
  
“Stupidass Chip,” Marissa muttered, helping Seth up.  
  
Seth left the two girls alone and hurried over to Ryan’s side.  
  
He had blood from a cut on his forehead trickling down his face and he was holding his arm across his stomach.  
  
“You all right?” Ryan asked before Seth could ask.  
  
“Yeah, you?”  
  
“Yeah. Fucking pricks…you ready to go?” he asked.  
  
Seth followed Ryan’s gaze to Summer who was holding Marissa and comforting her. “Yeah, man. Let’s get out of here.”  
  
Ryan finally got to his feet and brushed off the sand.  
  
“We can give you a ride home,” Marissa offered. Seth was surprised when she put her hand on his arm. He glanced at Ryan but he wasn’t looking at him. He was watching Summer again.  
  
This was definitely an interesting night.  
  
“Thanks,” Seth said.  
  
“I’m going to get my stuff, don’t leave without me, Coop,” Summer said, glancing at Seth for a moment, curiously before hurrying inside.  
  
“My jacket’s in there,” Ryan said, wiping the blood off his face.  
  
“Your suit’s ruined anyway,” Seth said.  
  
“Dammit. I guess your mom’s not going to be able to return it now,” Ryan muttered, glancing at the bloodstains on the shoulder.  
  
“I think the suit’s the least of our worries,” Seth replied, motioning to his swelling eye.  
  
“It wasn’t your fault,” Marissa said.  
  
“Can we get that in writing?” Seth joked.  
  


* * *

  
The next morning, Ryan woke up and saw Seth sitting up across the room with his mom standing over him. Glaring.  
  
“What happened to your face?” she demanded.  
  
“Mom, before you get all upset…” he started.  
  
“House. Now,” she ordered, glaring at Ryan before pulling Seth outside.  
  
Well, it had been an interesting weekend to say the least.  
  
Seth seemed like a good guy. He wasn’t like any of Ryan’s other friends. He was a really nice dude. Naïve, but nice.  
  
And the girls here were definitely hotter than the girls at home.  
  
He stuffed everything he’d brought with him back in his dufflebag.  
  
He could probably catch a bus back to Chino. Settle things up with his mom. Maybe call Theresa and see if she was on the outs with Eddie yet.  
  
He glanced around the poolhouse as he flipped the switch off.  
  
Yeah, right, like he’d ever have a life like this.  
  
The doors to the kitchen were open so he stepped inside.  
  
He could hear Kirsten talking to Sandy through the opened front door. Did these people ever lock their doors?  
  
He put his bag down. The least he could do was make them breakfast.  
  
Seth was bound to be hungry after last night. They’d smoked a joint in the driveway before the girls had left them.  
  
Summer had been in the back seat with him and she’d managed to get his zipper down before Marissa had given her the evil eye.  
  
He’d love to have another go at that one.  
  
With Seth’s permission of course. But from what he could tell from last night, Seth had developed a little crush on his neighbor. And Marissa wasn’t exactly pushing him away, either.  
  
He scrambled the eggs, started the coffee and had just put the bacon in the pan when Kirsten stepped in.  
  
“Look, Ryan, I don't mean to play bad cop. It's nothing personal,” she said.  
  
He gave her a nod. For it to be personal, she might have actually had to have a conversation with him.  
  
“Is that bacon?” she asked.  
  
Ryan shrugged. It was her house, she had to know what was in the fridge. “I usually make breakfast at my house. My mom's not much of a cook so,” he started before letting his words fade. She didn’t care, he didn’t have to tell her anything.  
  
“I'm sorry. You seem like a really nice kid,” she said quietly.  
  
He didn’t know why he felt like he had to make this rich lady feel better. “It's okay. I get it. You have a really nice family,” he added. He didn’t really blame her for wanting him gone. She already had a perfect life. And Ryan was far from perfect.  
  
He put the bacon on the table and picked up his backpack.  
  
He wondered if she wanted to search it first.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy hated leaving Ryan in a place like this. If the front yard’s disarray was any sign of what was inside, he knew he’d never be able to live with himself.  
  
He felt so stupid, sitting in his car when he’d just sent the kid back to god knows what kind of hell.  
  
He grabbed his keys and locked the beamer before hurrying up the rickety stairs of the house.  
  
The door was half open and he stepped inside, searching for Ryan.  
  
But what he saw disturbed him more.  
  
An empty house.  
  
Nothing but trash left to decorate the floor.  
  
“Ryan?” Sandy called, walking inside.  
  
Shit. This couldn’t be good.  
  
He saw a note on the floor, half balled up.  
  
“Ryan, if you find this note you’ll know I’m gone. Your grown up enough to take care of yourself. Good luck, kid. –Mom”  
  
Sandy went through every room in the house but Ryan wasn’t there. It was only on his trip back into the kitchen that he saw the back door still swinging in the wind.  
  
He’d lost him.  
  


* * *

  
  
Kirsten glanced up when Sandy walked back into the kitchen. “You get him home okay?”  
  
“His mom left,” Sandy stated flatly.  
  
“What?” she asked.  
  
“His house. Was empty. She left him a note on the counter.”  
  
“Oh honey…” she started, sympathetic. “I’m sorry…where is he?”  
  
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Sandy snapped. “He ran off. He would never have called me in the first place if he hadn’t been desperate. And now, thanks to your warm welcome, he has nowhere to go.” He turned to leave. “I’ll put my pillow on the couch.”  
  
“Sandy…” she called.  
  
“Don’t worry, honey, if I hear from him I’ll be sure and call the police so they can lock him up until they find someone to adopt him,” Sandy added.  
  


* * *

  
It took Ryan four days to find his mother.  
  
Four nights of changing clothes in convenience store bathrooms and catching naps in bus stations and libraries.  
  
He didn’t go to the shelters because he didn’t have a fake id good enough to fool the truancy officers that kept check on stuff like that.  
  
And he definitely didn’t call Sandy. He didn’t want to get the man in any more trouble with his wife.  
  
So on the fourth day when he found his mother drunk and passed out in a cheap motel room, he was too relieved to be afraid of A.J.  
  
He didn’t think his mother even knew he was there, she didn’t stir at all while AJ delivered her message again, but not with words.  
  
Now, he’d found his mother and knew that she wasn’t going to help him.  
  
She didn’t care.  
  
She didn’t even wake up. She might see the blood on the floor when she came to, but he didn’t have any doubt now that she was done with being a mother.  
  
She could’ve at least tried to do a little bit better job at being a mother if she was going to take early retirement.  
  
Now he was really at a loss. He was hurt, more messed up than he’d been in a while, and he didn’t have anyone that he could call.  
  
He couldn’t go to the clinic to get patched up and anywhere else that he went would probably call the cops because of the amount of blood on his clothes.  
  
Ryan didn’t know what to do.  
  
He needed a plan. And soon.  
  


* * *

  
Seth yawned, reaching over and answering the phone. “Hello?” For the first time in years, he liked answering the phone. Marissa had been calling him since the party to talk and she’d even come over a couple of times to find out about Ryan.  
  
“Seth?”  
  
He could barely hear him through the static, but he recognized Ryan’s voice.  
  
It was the voice his father had been praying to hear for days. “Yeah, is this…”  
  
“It’s Ryan. I…I, kind of, need a favor, Seth.”  
  
“Sure, whatever I can do…where are you? We’ve been looking for you…”  
  
“Looking for me? Did I miss court or something?”  
  
“Your mom, dude, she cleaned out the house…Dad went in to check on you and you were just gone…”  
  
“Shit…”  
  
“Ryan? What’s the favor?”  
  
“I…never mind…I shouldn’t have called…”  
  
“Ryan, wait. Just…what’s up? Are you all right?”  
  
“I need a ride. Some cash…something…I need to get out of town or something…”  
  
“Where are you?” Seth asked.  
  
Ryan hesitated but finally gave him an address.  
  
Seth dressed quickly and hurried down the stairs. His mom was in the kitchen but his dad was at work.  
  
He’d talk to Ryan before he went running to his dad.  
  
“I’m going out, Mom, I’ll be back later,” he called, taking the keys and going outside. He was vaguely aware of his mom telling him to be careful.  
  
“Hey. Where are you going? I was just coming to see you,” Marissa said from the driveway.  
  
“Yeah, can we use your pool, Cohen? Kaitlyn’s got some kind of party today and I really need to lay out,” Summer explained from beside her.  
  
Seth hesitated. He was still nervous around Summer, but he knew that he was over her. Even though she was civil to him now because of Marissa, he had a whole new view of her and it wasn’t necessarily a good view.  
  
“What is it?” Marissa asked, concerned.  
  
“Get in. I’m on a mission and you’re officially kidnapped to help,” Seth said, popping the locks on the rover.  
  
“Well, if you put it that way,” Summer sighed, nudging Marissa.  
  
“You were the one that wanted the pool…”  
  
“Yeah, but you wanted to hang out with Cohen. I’m not totally selfish,” Summer replied. Marissa glared at her and Seth hid his smile. “Oh, sorry, Coop…”  
  
Once they were all inside, Summer leaned up between the seats. “Where are we going anyway?”  
  
“Ryan called,” Seth said quietly.  
  
“Is he okay?” Marissa asked.  
  
“I don’t know. He didn’t really say much, but he said he needs a ride or some cash. I was going to figure out what to do when I got there. I don’t want him to disappear again…”  
  
“Are you going to tell your Dad?” Summer asked.  
  
“I don’t know yet.”  
  
“You should tell him,” Marissa said. “I mean, Sandy’s the only one who can really help him, you know? Get him a place to live and stuff, keep him out of jail.”  
  
“Jail?” Summer asked. “Someone needs to fill me in on the whole story of Ryan. I know he’s from Chino and everything, but jail? He’s a thug, too?”  
  
“No, Summer. It’s…it’s a long story,” Seth sighed.  
  
“So? We have a long trip, right? Spill. You guys will have plenty of time to flirt.”  
  


* * *

  
Ryan saw the Rover pull up from his lurking place in some trees in the park.  
  
He hadn’t expected Seth to bring backup but he was relieved not to see Sandy amongst the people in the car. He hated that he’d had to call the guy, but he’d exhausted all other options.  
  
“This is a park, Cohen. A park. Why would Ryan be in a park?” Summer’s voice asked.  
  
“Just…just stay in the car, Summer. I’ll be right back,” Seth said, getting out.  
  
“Lock the doors, Coop,” Summer added before Seth closed the door.  
  
Ryan pushed himself to his feet. He’d managed to get cleaned up, slightly, but he knew that he still looked rough. His face was swollen and several of the cuts that needed stitches made him look even worse than he felt, which was pretty bad.  
  
He picked up his backpack and considered putting it on his shoulder, but remembered how much that had hurt before and simply held it at his side as he walked over toward Seth.  
  
“Dude…what the hell happened to you?” Seth asked, his eyes wide with surprise and concern.  
  
“I went looking for my mom,” Ryan replied.  
  
“And?”  
  
“I found her boyfriend instead,” Ryan muttered.  
  
They were beside a bench now and he sat down heavily.  
  
“Did you go to the hospital? Dude…you look…”  
  
“Yeah, I know. Not winning any pageants today. I can’t go to the hospital, I don’t have insurance, I don’t have a parent that can sign a release and I’ll get sent right back to juvie. I’ll be all right. But I’ve got to get out of town. I don’t want to go to jail, I’ve got to get out of California,” Ryan explained.  
  
“Where have you been staying, man?” Seth asked quietly.  
  
“Around. Seth…I didn’t want to have to call you, but…can you help me? Loan me some money for a bus ticket or something?” Ryan asked. He was too tired to beat around the bush.  
  
“I want to help you, man, but I don’t know if you’re thinking straight right now. Seems to me that you’ve had a pretty eventful week. Are you sure you want to go this way?” Seth asked, hesitating.  
  
“There is no other way, Seth. Not anymore. I don’t have anywhere to go, I’m on my own. I…I can’t explain it to you. Either you can help me or you can’t.”  
  
Seth sighed. “Come on, get up.”  
  
“What? Seth…”  
  
“I said I’d help you, but you have to do it my way, okay? I can’t just give you a fistful of money. I need time to get a plan together. So? Come on, dude, I won’t bite.”  
  
Ryan let Seth take the backpack from him and followed him to the Rover.  
  
Summer pushed open the back door when he was a few feet away. “God, took you long enough. Get in.”  
  


* * *

  
“This is your house?” Ryan asked her when Cohen pulled into her driveway.  
  
“Yep. And for the next two weeks, it’s all mine. I was planning on throwing a rager, but my housekeeper is a real bitch and she always calls the cops,” Summer said.  
  
She was worried about Ryan. At first, she just wanted to fuck him senseless, but she could tell he wasn’t really in any shape for that.  
  
She hated when boys actually became people instead of being just mindless entertainment.  
  
Ryan was a good guy. He’d went to bat for Cohen against the jocks and he’d even turned her down out of loyalty to Cohen.  
  
And he had that air of mystery that she couldn’t deny and even though he was from Chino and probably poorer than dirt, she was still attracted to him.  
  
Hell, she was enthralled by him.  
  
Summer had never really associated with anyone outside of the upper class bracket and the fact that she was attracted to this…criminal was against everything she’d learned and worked for.  
  
She was meant to marry well.  
  
But that didn’t mean she couldn’t play in the mud with Chino boys. Did it?  
  
“Summer? Are you going to let us in?” Coop asked from the front step where they were all waiting for her.  
  
“Oh, yeah.”  
  
She’d offered to let Ryan get cleaned up and give them all a place to brainstorm. He hadn’t robbed Cohen so she didn’t think that he’d rob her. She was looking forward to having him around at least long enough to heal up and pay her back with some action.  
  
“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up…” Marissa cooed once they were inside. She started to lead him toward the guest room and Summer had to push the flare of jealousy down.  
  
She’d never had to compete with Marissa for guys before, there had always been Luke to keep her off the market.  
  
“I think I can manage. Can I take a shower?” Ryan asked her.  
  
“Yeah, there should be towels there,” she said, relieved when Ryan went into the bathroom alone and locked the door.  
  
Seth let out a long sigh.  
  
“Call your dad, Seth. You have to tell him. You can’t just let him run away,” Marissa whispered.  
  
“He trusts me,” Seth said, torn.  
  
“Just chill, guys,” she said, glancing between them. “He’s here for now, we’ll figure it out as we go, okay?”  
  
“Summer, you have ulterior motives,” Marissa warned.  
  
“What?” she asked.  
  
“You want to get in his pants,” Seth translated flatly. “I want to help him and you just want to fuck him. That’s what she means.”  
  
“Seth!” Marissa gasped.  
  
But he wasn’t wrong. She shrugged. “Whatever. But I don’t want him to leave right away either, so for now, we’re on the same page. If you tell your dad, he’ll take Ryan away from all of us.”  
  
“He’s not a toy. He’s a kid, he’s just like us except he doesn’t have rich parents, he has no parents. You can’t just talk about him like he’s a puppy or something. He’s in trouble and we’re the only people that can help him. If we give him cash and something happens to him on the streets, we’re going to be responsible,” Marissa said.  
  
“Dammit, Coop,” Summer sighed. “Fine. Call your dad. Nobody said we had to be all mature and shit.”  
  
Seth glanced between them but finally pulled out his phone and walked away.  
  
Summer would get her chance eventually. She’d make sure of that.


	3. Chapter 3

Sandy put the unopened bottle of aspirin down and answered his phone. “Hello?”

“Dad. It’s Seth.”

“Hey, kid. What’s going on?” Sandy asked, tiredly. Seth never called him unless he wanted him to pick up dinner or something. But it was too early and Seth sounded…different. “Everything okay?”

“Um, sort of. I found Ryan.”

“What?” He was fully alert now. 

“I found Ryan…”

“Is he okay? Where is he? Is he…”

“Whoa. Slow down. He’s okay. Well…he’s not, like, perfect or anything, he’s sort of, well, wrecked, but he’s here. He called me. He wants me to help him get out of California…”

“Seth…”

“And since I got a lecture from someone else about how I’d never be able to forgive myself if something happened to him with my cash…I need your help.”

Sandy was stunned. His brain just stopped. His son hadn’t talked to him like this in years. Ever since Seth went through puberty, they’d barely been able to share a conversation without Sandy saying something that Seth interpreted wrong. But Seth was asking for his help. And even Kirsten had mentioned Marissa’s presence around Seth after the ‘fight’. 

“Dad?” Seth called. 

“I’m thinking.”

“Oh…”

“Where are you? Can I…”

“He doesn’t know I’m calling you. He knows Mom doesn’t want him there and he doesn’t want her to be mad at you for helping him. Does that make sense? I mean, he…he doesn’t want to go to jail but he doesn’t have anywhere to go. He…he found his mom and she…he couldn’t stay there.”

“Seth…” Sandy could hear lots more in his son’s voice than his words. 

“Her boyfriend beat him up. He’s…he’s hurt. He’s in the shower.”

“Are you nearby?” Sandy asked, flipping open his phone book and dialing the office phone with his free hand. 

“Sort of. I’m on the Rover. Mom doesn’t know where I went. So, I’ll have to come home eventually…”

“No, stay right there, I’ll talk to your mother. Stay with him and…I’ll call you when I can tell you what I’ve found out that we can do for him. All right?”

“Okay. Thanks, Dad. He’s…he’s my friend and I want to help him.”

“We will. I promise. Hang tight.”

* * *

Ryan ran his fingers through his hair and looked at himself. 

He definitely wasn’t going to be enjoying the fruits of staying at Summer’s house tonight. The blue-black bruising that ran down his entire side and hurt every time he breathed was going to keep his dick in his pants tonight. 

He pulled out the cleanest wifebeater he had and pulled it on. He’d stolen some change from a fountain at the mall before he’d found his mom and managed to wash his clothes at a Laundromat. 

The shower had been great, though. He felt better despite his hunger and exhaustion. He was at least clean now. 

He felt human again. 

He unlocked the door and stepped out into the designer guest room.

“Finally. I thought you drowned,” Summer said. She was sitting on the bed and she’d changed clothes. She was wearing a pair of tight white shorts and a low cut tube top over her orange bikini top. Her breasts teased him and it took a moment for him to focus on her face. “I got you some clothes. You should throw those away or at least wash them while you’re here,” she said, motioning beside her. She patted the clothes. On the bed. 

“Where’s Seth?” he asked, walking over to her. 

“He took Coop to the drive thru. She might be skinny, but the bitch can put back some burgers. And we figured you might need a meal, too, you know. You’re looking a little pale, Ry,” she said, swinging her sculpted legs off the bed to reach for him. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him a step closer. 

“Summer…”

“I just want you to change clothes,” she said, smiling at him innocently. 

“Whose clothes are these?”

“I got them from my lost and found,” she said, picking up the black t-shirt. “They’re clean and everything. Just stuff leftover from parties and…”

“Sleepovers, right,” Ryan smiled. At least she was honest. He took the clothes and started to turn to go back to the bathroom but she stopped him.

“Let me help. You look…sore,” she said, standing up.

He didn’t stop her from gently peeling his shirt off, leaving his damp hair in disarray.

“Damn. Are you okay?” she asked, touching the bruise on his chest with her warm fingers. 

“Yeah. I’ll be okay,” he replied. 

“Sit down, on the bed. I’ve got a first aid kit, you need something for those cuts,” she said, going into the bathroom and shaking her hot little ass. 

He needed to sit down after that. 

He kicked off his jeans and started to put on the clean ones before she got back, but she was too quick for him and he heard her light giggle when she saw him standing naked with the pants in his hand. 

“At least your ass isn’t bruised,” she said, her eyes lingering as she looked at him from top to bottom. 

“Do I pass inspection?” he asked, trying to stay confident as he turned to face her.

“I’d say so, Ryan. You definitely pass,” she grinned, walking over and taking the jeans from him. “But I thought I told you to sit down.”

He was never one to argue with a woman, especially a woman as hot as Summer. He sat down on the bed and she leaned over and pulled the jeans over his feet and up his legs until they were over his knees.

“Lie back and raise up so I can put on your pants.”

He leaned back and lifted his hips as she pulled the denim over his thighs and underneath his ass. 

“Oh, this is difficult,” she said suddenly, her hands on his inner thigh. “I guess I’m more used to taking guys’ jeans off,” she added.

And then she leaned over and kissed the head of his cock softly. 

“Summer…”

“You don’t have to do anything, just…lie there, okay? You’ve had a shitty week and I just want to do something nice for you…” She sucked his length into her mouth and he had to bite his lip from crying out. 

This girl was good…

* * *

“Uh oh,” Marissa said when she stepped into Summer’s house with the first load of bags from the restaurant. She could smell the marijuana smoke from the hallway.

“What?” Seth asked, kicking the door closed as he carried the drinks. 

“Summer’s a pothead, in case you didn’t know that,” Marissa sighed.

“Oh. Good to know, I guess,” Seth said.

“Not if your dad has to come here,” Marissa told him.

“True. We’ll Lysol it down, but hopefully, Dad won’t show up here. He doesn’t know where we are or anything. Just the basics,” Seth replied. 

Marissa stopped him outside the door. “Knock. You learn to knock when Summer’s your friend,” she said, rapping loudly on the door. 

“Come in, Coop!” Summer called. Marissa pushed open the door.

Ryan and Summer were lying on the bed sharing a fat joint. 

Summer looked at Ryan with a smile that told Marissa everything she needed to know. “She thought we were naked,” Summer said. 

“Summer, you ignorant slut,” Marissa deadpanned, but she was serious.

“I didn’t hurt him,” Summer pouted.

Seth walked over and held out their drinks. “New clothes?”

“Summer’s,” Ryan said. He held out the joint.

“No thanks, I’ll have to face the ‘rents eventually, don’t need the red eyes,” Seth said. 

Ryan nodded and silently put it out in the ashtray before turning to face Seth in the chair. “So. Any news on this big plan of yours?” he asked.

Marissa sat down on the arm of Seth’s chair and they spread out the food on the bed. 

“Not yet, but trust me, dude, it’s going to be awesome.”

“You can crash here a couple of days, Ry, I mean, if you need to,” Summer said.

Marissa rolled her eyes and Summer frowned. She loved her best friend, but Summer was shameless sometimes. 

“Thanks, but I should probably get out of here as soon as I can. Someone’s sure to report me if I’m in Newport,” Ryan said quietly. 

“Dude, you’re beat. Hell, if Summer wants to hide you in her house, just stay in bed…”

Summer smirked.

Seth hesitated. 

“I know what you meant, Seth,” Ryan said. “But I don’t want to take advantage of this. I can’t get settled here, you know?”

“I’m going to figure something out. I swear, dude. I’ll get us a plan. Trust me,” Seth said. 

Ryan nodded slightly and took a box of fries. “Thanks.”

* * *

Sandy walked inside his house and heard Kirsten pecking away at her laptop in the kitchen.

“Hi, honey. Any news?”

“Actually…” he started.

“Did you find him?” she asked, anxious. He’d been so upset that no matter what her true feelings, it had rubbed off. 

He was having trouble reading her lately. He knew he’d hurt her but she’d hurt him too. 

“Can we talk? About Seth, and Ryan?”

“I didn’t know his mom would leave him, Sandy. You can’t honestly blame me for this…”

“I want to help him, Kirsten,” Sandy said. 

She closed her laptop. “I’m listening.”

“I can’t help him if I can’t talk to him. If I can’t keep an eye on him,” Sandy said. 

Kirsten sighed. “You want him to stay with us. You want us to take care of him.”

Sandy sat down beside her.

“Is he okay?” she asked quietly. 

“He found his mom,” Sandy said. He’d shown her the letter the first morning when she’d demanded he tell her everything after he’d spent all night driving around Chino looking for the kid. 

“He’s with her?”

“No. Seth said that Dawn’s boyfriend beat him up. He picked him up at a park, said he looked…tired,” Sandy said. 

“Seth…Seth found him…” Kirsten realized. 

“He’s…”

“Seth will take care of him,” Kirsten said suddenly. 

Sandy searched her face. She’d been so adamant about Ryan not staying there after the fashion show incident but once he’d snapped on her after Ryan disappeared, he hadn’t been able to read her at all. But tonight, she just looked worried. 

Worried and guilty. 

“What is it about him, Sandy? Explain it to me…I don’t understand how this boy that you just met has had this much impact on you…”

Sandy looked at the counter. “I spend all day working with kids, bad kids, kids that just don’t give a damn, there’s no way I can help them because they’re just too far gone…and then I meet Ryan, and he’s got so much potential, he’s so smart and…I see a kid that’s stuck in a place where potential isn’t going to get him anywhere…he was probably with his brother because he couldn’t go home…and then to see him with Seth…to see Seth laugh and to see him actually having a good time away from the TV…”

“What can we do, Sandy. What do you want to do?”

“I want…”

She held up a hand to stop him. “Wait. I want to say something.” She looked in his eyes. “I trust you. I trust you with everything I have.”

“He’s a good kid.”

She nodded. “Then he’ll stay with us.”

“We’ll have to be his guardians…take full responsibility…”

She nodded. “I won’t let him down. I won’t let you down. So as long as he doesn’t let us down…we’ll be all right.”

He took her in his arms. 

“I just hope you know what you’re getting us into.”


	4. Chapter 4

  
Ryan fell asleep after they finished eating and he didn’t wake up when Seth’s dad called.  
  
Seth came into the room and looked at the girls with as blank a look as he could manage.  
  
He hadn’t expected this.  
  
“Well?” Summer asked. “What did he say?”  
  
“I need to talk to him.”  
  
“Seth…” Marissa started.  
  
“I’ll explain everything later,” he said. Ryan opened his eyes and looked at him, glazed from the short sleep.  
  
Marissa led Summer into the hallway and Seth closed the door behind them. He sat down in the chair beside the bed. Ryan sat up, sensing the importance.  
  
“So. I, sort of, have a plan for you now,” Seth said. He didn’t think Ryan would hurt him, but he had no idea what to expect.  
  
“Shit. You told your dad, didn’t you?” Ryan realized.  
  
Seth didn’t know how Ryan just read his mind or his face like that, but he knew that he had to run damage control before his friend judged him as a narc. “Ryan…”  
  
“Why would you do that?” Ryan asked, breathing fast.  
  
“Because he’s the only person that can help you. I’m not a lawyer, I don’t have money at my fingertips, I don’t know anything about social services or juvenile hall,” Seth replied. “Dad…he wants to help you.”  
  
Ryan covered his face.  
  
“You can stay with us. All you have to do is come home with me. Sign the papers…”  
  
“What are you talking about?” Ryan asked, confusion flashing in his eyes.  
  
Seth was getting ahead of himself. His dad had told him to just get Ryan home and that he’d take care of the rest. But now Seth had mentioned papers.  
  
“What kind of papers?” Ryan demanded.  
  
“Um, we want you to stay with us,” Seth admitted. He wished he knew more about the restrictions but he had to tell him what he knew. “Stay with me and my parents. You can stay in the poolhouse, and he says that you can get into my school with your test scores…and you won’t have to run away, you won’t have to hide…”  
  
Seth watched Ryan for some sort of response, but Ryan was completely still, the only movement was the rapid rise and fall of his chest.  
  
“What about your mom?” Ryan asked suddenly.  
  
“She doesn’t want you on the street. Mom…she’s going to like you, to. She wants you somewhere safe and our house…it’s safe.”  
  
Ryan was silent.  
  
“Just…just come home with me and listen to what they have to say,” Seth said.  
  
“I don’t know, Seth…”  
  
But Seth could see that he was on the fence.  
  
“Please. This is the best plan. Dad…you know he wants to help you, right? I wouldn’t have called him if he didn’t want to help you…”  
  
Ryan sighed. Seth knew that Ryan respected his dad, otherwise Ryan would have never met Seth in the first place.  
  
“Get your stuff. This is going to work out, I promise.”  
  
“Trust you, right?” Ryan murmured.  
  
“Yeah. Trust me,” Seth said.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy shot out of his chair when he heard the door open.  
  
Seth walked into the den and after a beat, a very bruised Ryan followed him into the room.  
  
“Ryan…” he whispered. He hadn’t expected him to look quite so…beaten. Someone had really hurt him and if the sparse story Seth had told him was true, he was probably hurting even more on the inside.  
  
“Hey,” Ryan said, his eyes down.  
  
“Honey, are you all right? Have you seen a doctor?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“I’m okay,” Ryan replied, clearly surprised by her concern.  
  
“Seth, thank you for bringing him home. Why don’t you go out to the poolhouse and wait for him? We need to talk to Ryan.”  
  
Seth nodded and turned to Ryan. “It’ll be okay, dude.”  
  
Ryan put down his backpack and hesitantly sat down on the edge of one of the seats.  
  
“Where have you been staying?” Kirsten asked quietly.  
  
He shrugged and Sandy could see that the simple gesture hurt him.  
  
“Seth said you found your mom,” Sandy stated.  
  
Ryan looked at him with a slight nod. “You saw the letter, right? I should’ve taken her word for it instead of seeing for myself how much she didn’t want me around,” he said quietly.  
  
“Did your father…” Kirsten started but Sandy glanced at her and she stopped in mid-question.  
  
“Her boyfriend. My dad’s in jail,” Ryan said, straightening himself in the seat. “Look, I know that you guys are trying to be nice because of Seth, but really…if you can just tell me what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get out of your hair. Is there a social worker or a shelter I need to go to?”  
  
“You think we want to help you because of Seth?” Sandy asked, surprised.  
  
Ryan shrugged.  
  
“Everyone needs a little help sometimes,” Kirsten said quietly. “We want you to stay here with us.”  
  
Ryan held her eye contact. “No, you don’t.”  
  
“I think I’m capable of making my own decisions. You’re Seth’s friend and Sandy seems to think you’re worth helping. We have the room and the resources to give you a home. All you have to do is accept it,” Kirsten replied.  
  
“Kirsten, give us a minute?” Sandy asked.  
  
She nodded, standing up. “I’ll get the poolhouse set up for you, make sure you have everything you need.”  
  
Ryan watched her walk out of the room.  
  
“She doesn’t have to do this, you don’t have to do this…”  
  
“Ryan. I want you to remember something,” Sandy said, leaning forward. “You didn’t ask us to do this for you. We want to do this. You need a place to stay and we have one. You are too smart, you have too much potential to drop out of school and have to…live on the streets. That’s where you were, isn’t it?”  
  
Ryan looked away. “I didn’t sleep in alleys or anything. There are lots of 24 hour places around.”  
  
“And how long were you going to be able to keep that up? Kid, let us help you. We all want you here.”  
  
“What if it doesn’t work? What if something happens and you guys change your minds?” Ryan asked.  
  
“This isn’t something that we do every day. You’re already a criminal, it’s not like we don’t know what we’re getting into. I believe in you. I believe if you’re given a chance that you’ll be able to be the man I know you’re meant to be,” Sandy replied.  
  
Ryan didn’t say anything.  
  
“Come on, kid, you’re not going to find a better offer than this,” Sandy said.  
  
Finally, Ryan sighed and nodded his assent.  
  
“Are you really willing to try this? To make this work, it’s going to take all of us,” Sandy said.  
  
“Yes. I’ll…I won’t let you down. If you want me to go to school, or work…”  
  
“We’re not making you clean our house or anything, Ryan, we pay people to do that here,” Sandy said, standing up. “Kirsten and I will be your guardians. We’ll be here to take care of you.”  
  
“And first on the agenda tomorrow is a trip to the pediatrician’s,” Kirsten said, reappearing with a bottle of ibuprofen. “Are you allergic?”  
  
“Um, no, I don’t think so,” Ryan said, accepting the bottle. “Thanks.”  
  
“Seth’s pacing a path into the carpet in the poolhouse. You better go check on him, tell him the good news,” Kirsten said. She hesitated and then stepped forward to give him a gentle hug. “It’s going to be nice to have you here.”  
  
“Thanks,” Ryan replied.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan was still spinning a little by everything after Seth left him alone in the poolhouse.  
  
He was staring at the bed. His bed.  
  
He was going to stay here.  
  
In this place where the pillowcases probably cost more than his entire backpack of belongings.  
  
With the hyperactive kid and the jolly father figure and a proper lady of the house.  
  
His brother would never believe this. Trey got sent to jail and Ryan ended up in a house with an infinity pool.  
  
There was a timid knock on the door. That was different, too. Nobody knocked in Chino, he’d never lived in a room with a lock on the door that didn’t include the movement of a heavy object.  
  
“Come in,” he said.  
  
Kirsten stepped in with a paper bag. “Hi. I saw your light was still on. I brought you some food, snacks for your minifridge. Do you have everything you need?”  
  
“Yes, thanks, everything’s fine,” Ryan said.  
  
She walked over to kitchen area and started emptying the bag. “We’ll get you some furniture, some places to put your things…and we’ll get you things,” she said, her eyes falling on the backpack.  
  
“I have everything I need,” Ryan said. He could get a job and get some clothes.  
  
“We’ll go shopping tomorrow. It’s part of the deal.” She paused. “I think we should probably talk.”  
  
“Talk?”  
  
:”Seth and Sandy swear you don’t say much, but I think we need to do this. I need to explain some things to you,” she said.  
  
“You don’t have to…” he started.  
  
“I need to. See…Sandy didn’t tell me much about you. He just said that you needed a place to stay for the weekend and he didn’t tell me why. That your mom…he didn’t tell me everything that he knew, Ryan,” Kirsten said quietly, standing behind the counter. “He wanted me to get to know you but I’ve been in this sheltered little place so long that I didn’t even give you much thought.”  
  
Ryan was silent. She didn’t have to explain anything to him.  
  
“And then you were so nice to Seth, he doesn’t have many friends, and you just…brought him to life. But he got hurt…and Seth…I know I’ve probably spoiled him, but he’s never really been in a fight before where he actually bruised,” she continued, looking at him and his bruises. “I’m sorry about your mother. And I’m sorry that I didn’t take the time to consider that you were going to turn out to be such a large part of my life. Because you are. You’re my responsibility now, just like Seth.”  
  
“Kirsten…”  
  
“Sandy was right about you,” she said, folding the paper bag and putting it in the trash. “I learned a long time ago to trust his instincts. I’ll see you in the morning,” she said, starting back toward the door.  
  
“Kirsten. Thank you,” he said, quietly.  
  
She gave him a relieved smile and nodded. “Good night, Ryan. Try and get some rest.”  
  


* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Summer couldn’t really believe that Cohen’s family was just going to adopt Ryan. Or whatever they were doing for him, letting him stay there. 

And despite all her best efforts, she was actually a little…giddy about it.

It pissed her off.

It had taken her a long time to build her empire, she was the most popular girl at Harbor, well, with Marissa by her side anyway. The two of them ruled the school. Marissa did most of the public work, like organizing the fashion show and being social chair, but Summer supported her all the way and planned the behind the scenes after-parties and fieldtrips to Tijuana. 

And she’d never been one to let a guy get to her. 

She’d decided a long time ago that she was never going to let a guy hurt her, she wasn’t going to give him a chance.

It’d been years since she’d let a boy affect her the way Ryan Atwood did.

She had to have him. 

She shook off the feeling and lit a cigarette. 

The last boy that had made her feel like this was the one that had turned her into little miss sexpot. He’d shown her about sex. 

She’d been 13 and left to entertain herself in the lodge while her parents were skiing in Aspen. 

He’d been seventeen. He’d told her his name was Alec and that he loved her and they spent the whole winter vacation together and she’d been convinced that it was love despite her nanny’s warnings. 

Alec had the most beautiful blue eyes…

And when he’d told her that she was just a fuck, that he and his friends got off on screwing virgins, she’d been crushed. Devastated. 

She learned then that sex didn’t equal love. Most of the time it didn’t have anything to do with love. Sex was all about attraction and having fun.

She was attracted to Ryan. And she planned on having lots of fun.

Sure, some people called her a slut, but most of the boys seemed to like her confidence and she never slept with guys that had girlfriends, intentionally anyway, so the girls could just suck it up. 

Marissa had held onto her virginity for so long and Summer at least had that to reassure her that she wasn’t a total deviant. Hell, virginal Marissa was the deviant in Newport for being a virgin. Her mom was probably so proud.

Summer needed to get her mind out of Ryan Atwood’s pants and get back to business. There were only a few more weeks in the summer before school would start back and she needed to make sure that she had as much fun as possible.

Her dad had laid down the law about her grades and she might actually have to go to class more than twice a week to pull them up. 

She wondered if Ryan would be going to Harbor. 

Ryan Atwood. Runaway. Street thug. Criminal. Hot hot boy.

“Sum? What are you doing?” Marissa asked, joining her in her living room. 

“Just thinking. You?” she asked, deflecting the attention from her.

“Hiding. Luke keeps coming by the house, trying to apologize. He was fucking Holly, like, all out in the open.”

“That bitch has no class. She should always hold out for a bed,” Summer said, getting her friend to smile. “What did you tell him?”

“I told him to go fuck himself, what do you think I told him? My mom’s been telling him that I’ll forgive him with time, but she doesn’t know anything about me,” Marissa replied. 

“She doesn’t know that you’re crushing on Seth Cohen,” Summer said. 

Marissa blushed and Summer knew that it was getting more serious. Marissa really liked him. “So? Your dad wouldn’t exactly approve of you dating the town’s newest juvenile delinquent either.”

“Dating? I don’t date.”

“What about Zach?”

Summer winced. “He’s still in D.C. with his dad. He’s a non-issue.”

“Summer. He’s been writing to you for years, he thinks you’re his girlfriend,” Marissa said. 

“Coop, I haven’t seen that guy in over nine months. If he ever comes back to town or stops sending me those expensive presents, I’ll let him down easy.” Her dad had set her up with Zach Stevens, the senator’s son, a couple of years earlier and he’d fallen hard for her. 

“Fine, whatever,” Marissa sighed. 

“You like Seth Cohen.”

“And you like Ryan Atwood,” Marissa replied.

Summer lifted a pillow and covered her face. “What are we going to do?”

“Did you sleep with him, Summer?” Marissa asked.

“What? Ryan? No…”

“Summer,” Marissa scolded.

“We might have done a little…something, but we had none of the sex.” But she sure as hell had wanted to. If he hadn’t looked like a P.O.W, she might not have been able to control herself. 

“Uh huh,” Marissa doubted.

“He was…bruised. Like, he was really messed up,” Summer admitted. “I just wanted to make him feel better. I’m not a total bitch…”

“Its just…Seth is a really good guy. And I’d like to think that there might be…something between us one day. And he really cares about Ryan. I don’t want you to…”

“You think I’m going to hurt his feelings?” Summer asked. 

“Are you?” Marissa countered.

Summer huffed. “I think Ryan can take care of himself, Coop. He’s a big boy. A very big boy…” she added. 

“Summer. You know what I mean. You tend to…rip guys to shreds. I really like Seth…”

“I know, Coop, and I would never do anything to mess up your chance to have something good…no matter how geeky,” she started. “But…there’s something about Ryan. You saw it, too, don’t make me remind you that you wanted him first.”

“Summer,” Marissa warned.

She sighed. “Okay. I like him.”

“What?”

“I really, really like him. Like, more than a random fuck…I can’t believe I’m saying this,” she added.

“Summer, I’m…I’m proud of you.”

She gave her the finger. 

* * *

Ryan stared at the new patient form and tried not to chew on Kirsten’s pen. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just…thinking.”

She glanced over at the form. Seth was waiting at home but they were going to pick him up before they went shopping.

Seth was growing on him, but at least his enthusiasm about having a new friend in the house with him was buffering the weirdness he felt with the situation. 

But Seth wasn’t here now. Or Sandy. 

“Your last doctor’s visit?” Kirsten asked, seeing where he’d stopped. 

“I didn’t go to the doctor much. The health department…” he added.

“The health department?” she asked. 

“Um…they do free testing there,” Ryan said, regretting even mentioning it.

“Oh. Oh…” she replied, flushing.

“I’ll just leave it blank,” he said quietly. 

He skimmed ahead and checked off some boxes about his history, aware of Kirsten watching him.

“We don’t have to do this,” he said, stopping at the family history portion. “I’m really okay, I’ll be good as new in a couple of days…”

“If you’re going to stay with us, we want you healthy. You don’t have to answer the ones you don’t know,” she said. 

“I just…I don’t know what to put here. I mean, there’s not a spot for ‘drunk’ and ‘angry’,” he muttered. Seeing her face, he immediately apologized. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. You don’t know about your grandparents?”

“Don’t have any. As far as I know, I mean. I guess I have to have them,” Ryan said. He folded the paper in half but she reached out and stopped him.

“Do you mind?” she asked. “I’m not going to embarrass you by coming in with you or anything…but…”

Ryan shrugged and let her take it. 

She read over it for a moment and then passed it back. 

He could see that she had questions. “What?”

“What kind of surgery did you have?” she asked quietly, motioning to the form.

“Oh. I broke my arm really bad and they had to put screws in it,” he said.

She was still looking at him.

“And I had an accident with a screwdriver,” he added with a sigh.

“How can you have an accident with a screwdriver?” she replied. 

“Fell on it. Broke the ‘no running in the house’ rule,” he said. He didn’t mention that the screwdriver incident happened during the punishment phase. 

“Ryan Atwood?” the nurse called.

“Don’t be nervous. Dr. Perkins is a really nice doctor. I’ll be in when she’s done examining you, all right?”

He never thought he’d be so relieved to go into an examining room.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL. Smut. LOL.

“Mrs. Cohen? You can come in,” the nurse called.   
  
She followed the lady into the examining room. Ryan was sitting on the table, shirtless and his bruises were like tattoos covering his entire chest.   
  
He met her gaze for a moment and then lowered his eyes to the floor.  
  
“Mrs. Cohen, Ryan has a couple of broken ribs and he absolutely has to wrap them every day. The only time he shouldn’t have them wrapped is when he’s showering,” the doctor explained.   
  
She knew immediately what the doctor was saying.  
  
“She showed me how to do it,” Ryan said quietly.   
  
“You shouldn’t do it yourself,” Kirsten replied. “You’re going to show me?” she asked the doctor.  
  
The doctor handed her the ace bandage and explained how to wrap it around Ryan’s chest and secure it.  
  
Kirsten gave Ryan a small smile to reassure him before starting to wrap his ribs. He was visibly nervous and was breathing shallowly.   
  
“It’s all right, Ryan. Tell me if it’s too tight.”  
  
He relaxed slightly, but didn’t say anything until she was finished.  
  
“Okay?” she asked.  
  
“Fine, thanks.”  
  
The doctor passed Ryan’s shirt back to him and he slipped it over his head.  
  
Kirsten remained standing and put her hand on his back. She needed to make a connection with him.  
  
She’d been sitting in the waiting room thinking about what kind of life Ryan had had and how polite and loyal he was.  
  
She had started to see what had drawn Sandy and Seth to him.   
  
He was special.   
  
“Is he okay, otherwise?”  
  
“He’s badly bruised and he needs to take it easy. He also needs to start eating better, a single meal a day is not good enough for a boy his age.”   
  
Kirsten wondered if he’d eaten anything at all while he was gone. “We plan on taking good care of him.”  
  
“I’m going to give him a few prescriptions, for his pain, and a list of vitamins he might want to start taking and I want him back in two weeks for a checkup.”  
  
“Okay?” Kirsten asked Ryan.  
  
He nodded solemnly.  
  
“You can go out and wait for Kirsten. I just have a few papers for her to sign.”  
  
Ryan thanked her quietly and left, relieved.  
  
“Mr.s Cohen, I understand you only recently took over custody of Ryan but I have to file a report with social services.”  
  
Kirsten had been prepared for the possibility. “My husband notified them when the paperwork was pushed through. He wants the injuries documented in case his mother tries to fight us for custody. I’ll sign whatever you need.”  
  
When she collected Ryan’s appointment and prescriptions she found him sitting silently in a corner of the waiting room.  
  
“It’s over now. Ready to go home?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Once they were in the car, Ryan spoke softly. “What did the doctor tell you while I was gone?”  
  
Kirsten decided to be honest with him. “She has to report your injuries to social services because you’re underage.”  
  
Ryan was silent.  
  
“I’m not going to question you, Ryan. But you don’t have anything to worry about,” she said.  
  
“So…”  
  
“Nothing’s changed since this morning. Get used to being around,” she added.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“I’m going to stop by the pharmacy and get your meds. I’m sure you’re anxious to get back to Seth. I want to go out and get you some clothes and things.”  
  
“You don’t have to…” he started.  
  
“Yes, I do. I’d like you to come with me but you need to rest. Sandy and I are taking care of you now and that means buying you the things that you need.”  
  
After a long beat, Ryan spoke again. “I’ll come with you. If it’s okay. I feel okay.”  
  
She smiled. “We’ll only get a few things today, all right?”  


* * *

  
“Cohen, what are you doing?”  
  
Summer’s voice startled him out of his thoughts.   
  
“Ignore her, Seth,” Marissa said, smiling at him. “She made me bring her.”  
  
“Mom’s been gone with Ryan all morning,” Seth said, returning her smile as she sat down beside him at the counter.   
  
“What? Your mom?” Summer asked.  
  
“She took him to the doctor. But they should’ve been back hours ago.”  
  
Summer was looking at him. “You’re a good friend, Cohen. He’s lucky to have you looking out for him.”  
  
Seth was surprised but didn’t get a chance to respond.   
  
“We got Ryan some housewarming gifts, is his room in here?” Summer asked.   
  
“The poolhouse.”  
  
Summer trotted off with the bags and Marissa stopped him from following. “She’s right, you know.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You’re a good friend. To Ryan. And to me,” Marissa said. She leaned close and startled him, kissing him softly.  
  
“Oh,” he whispered.  
  
Marissa took his hand and pulled him outside.   
  
His first kiss.   
  
Her lips were sweet. “What kind of lip gloss do you use?”  
  
Marissa giggled. “Shut up. Summer will never let me hear the end of it…but…maybe sometime you’ll ask me out…without Ryan and Summer.”   
  
“Marissa,” he said, stopping her outside the poolhouse. “Marissa, would you like to go out with me this weekend?”  
  
She smiled. “Yes, Seth. Pick me up at 7.”  
  
“Friday?”  
  
“Sure,” she shrugged.  
  
It was a good day again. He’d had his first kiss, a brand new brother and now a date.  
  
Summer was cleaning out the wicker drawers, stacking towels and swimsuits on the bed.   
  
“He has, like, nothing,” Summer said.   
  
Seth saw where she’d emptied Ryan’s backpack on the bed. A couple of pair of boxers, 3 threadbare wifebeaters, one stained with blood, a pair of jeans and several worn spiral notebooks.   
  
“You went through his stuff?” Seth asked.  
  
“I didn’t look at anything. I was just going to put his things away.”  
  
Seth was doubtful.  
  
“She found what she was looking for,” Marissa said, motioning to the strip of condoms on the bed.

“My mom's going to come in here,” Seth said, grabbing them.

“You guys are such prudes. Coop, put the towels in the closet, Cohen, pass me his stuff.”

They went to work and Summer held open the bottom drawer and arranged the notebooks under the clothes.

“Seth?” His mother's voice startled them all.

“Mom..." Seth stammered.

She walked in with several bags with Ryan on her heels, equally laden. 

"Mrs. Cohen. I hope it's okay we came by," Summer said sweetly.

"Of course. Nice to see you, Summer, Marissa. Ryan and I have been shopping, you can help him put his things away," Kirsten said.

"How'd everything go?" Seth asked, looking at Ryan. 

"Fine. Okay," Ryan replied, quietly. 

"I'm going to order some dinner. Girls, you're welcome to stay, I'll order enough."

"Thanks," Marissa replied.

Seth watched as his mother spoke quietly and urgently to Ryan before leaving.

"Are you sure everything's okay?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. Your mom...she's been great today."

Seth was relieved. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Except for the part where she made me try on clothes," he replied.

"Ooh, let me see," Summer said, diving into the bags. Within minutes, Summer and Marissa had his new clothes on racks and folded in neat piles. 

"So, Mom didn't scare you off at all," Seth asked as they left the girls to their work. 

"She was really nice to me," Ryan said quietly. 

"And the little powwow you just had?"

"She wants me to take my medicine," Ryan replied.

"What's wrong with you?" Summer asked.

"Couple of broken ribs. Bruises. Nothing serious," Ryan shrugged but Seth was already wincing from the thought. 

"Broken ribs? Ouch, sit down, dude," Seth said. 

"Cohen's right, sit down and rest."

"I actually was going to take a shower. Your mom's going to wrap my ribs again and then I'll be...more social," Ryan said.

"Oh, okay. Come on, girls, let's go supervise the delivery menus," Seth said.

Summer gave him a pointed look.

"Come on, Seth," Marissa smirked. "I'm sure we can entertain ourselves."

* * *

"Summer, I'm going to shower, you should go with them," Ryan said, looking at the beautiful girl on his bed.

"I don't know if you can manage all by yourself," she said, scooting over beside him and swinging her legs off the low bed, giving him a great view of her smooth, sculpted legs. 

"I can manage."

Her perfect lips turn down into a pout and she runs her fingertips down his arm. "Can't I help? Just a little? I promise not to get in the way."

"Summer, Kirsten's inside," he protested but she ignored him, a satisfied smile in her eyes as she stood up and took his hand, pulling him to his feet.

"I just want to help you get undressed. I won't be naughty..." she said, walking backwards seductively, her eyes dropping to the bulge in his jeans. 

"I think you're always naughty," Ryan replied, following her helplessly.

He couldn't walk away from this girl. 

She locked both doors to the bathroom and turned to face him, stepping forward and settling her hands on his crotch and slipping her tiny fingers around his belt buckle. 

"I can do it, Summer..."

"I can do it better," she smirked.

He chuckled and let her pull his belt off. He took advantage of her distraction to lower her tank top's straps to reveal her sheer bra. Her nipples were hard through the thin material and he rolled them between his fingers and appreciated the soft growl from her throat. 

She released the tight bindings around his chest and he had relief for a moment but the pain kicked in soon after. 

"Let's get you cleaned up, dirty boy," she said, gripping his semi-erect cock in her hand and using it to get him in the shower. 

"Summer..."

"I promise not to get you in trouble," she said, using a band around her wrist to put her hair up so it wouldn't get wet.

He turned away from her reluctantly and fiddled with the faucets until a hot stream of water was flowing over his aching body.

She grabbed a bar of soap and started washing his back from behind, soothing his muscles with her gentle touch. 

She lathered him up with soap, squeezing his ass cheeks teasingly before turning him to face her so the water could rinse his back.

She was equally gentle with his chest, her hands dancing around his crotch but not touching his dick and making it harder with anticipation. 

"Oh, this is extra-dirty, it needs special treatment," Summer said, her eyes twinkling as she started to stroke him slowly, putting pressure in all the right spots.

He slipped a finger inside her pussy and she spread her legs wider, allowing him full access as she jacked him off. 

"You're a tease," he grunted, thrusting into her tight fist now, desperate for release. He pushed another finger inside and she started to fuck his fingers, her hips bucking erotically. 

"I'm just trying to get you all cleaned up."

He ignored the pain and gripped her ass in his hands, lifting her feet off the shower floor and pushing his cock fully inside her lubricated cunt. 

She braced herself against the wall, her ponytail plastered against it as he pushed into her. 

"Fuck me, Ryan...it's about time you got the point," she panted.

Her pussy clenched around his dick and he groaned, doubling his efforts and being rewarded with her digging her nails into his back as she came violently, biting his neck.

He pulled out an instant before he came, his cum splattering on her stomach as he lowered her to stand on her shaky legs.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked after a moment, leaning against him under the stream of the shower but careful not to get her hair wet as she rinsed off.

"No, Summer...that was definitely not painful," he replied. 

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

Kirsten watched from the window as Summer Roberts walked with Ryan out of the poolhouse. The food had been delivered a few minutes earlier and Marissa and Seth were setting the table. 

Seth had been obsessed with Summer for years and she was inwardly relieved that he'd turned his sights on the softer Marissa. 

Kirsten was a woman, she remembered very well from her own teenage years what made girls like Summer tick.

"Mrs. Cohen, I hope you don't mind, but I wrapped Ryan's ribs for him, my daddy's a doctor and I know first aid," Summer said sweetly. Ryan stood nervously in the doorway. He was guilty of something. 

"Thanks, Summer," Kirsten said, needing to reassure Ryan. But she knew immediately something else had gone in the poolhouse. "Ryan, have a seat, we're going to bring the food into the dining room."

Ryan obeyed silently, relaxing slightly and joining Seth and Marissa in the other room.

Summer picked up one of the cartons but Kirsten put her hand on her wrist. "Can we talk, Summer?"

"Sure," Summer replied after a beat.

Kirsten considered her words carefully. "Are you sleeping with Ryan?"

"Mrs. Cohen?"

"Call me Kirsten. And answer the question, please."

Summer had a rare flush of embarrassment on her cheeks. "Um..."

She waited, not taking her gaze off the girl. 

"We haven't literally slept together but...we have gotten to know each other in a...less than chaste way."

Kirsten nodded. "I have a feeling that you do not need a lecture on the birds and the bees and neither does Ryan. But I do want you to consider very carefully what you're doing with Ryan. You're a popular girl, you have lots of friends and I can tell that you're used to getting what you want. But Ryan's special, he's not from around here and his stakes are much higher than yours. He can't afford to get in trouble..."

"And I'm trouble?" Summer asked quietly.

"Are you?" Kirsten replied.

"Ryan's my friend, Kirsten. I'm not out to hurt him or get him in trouble. I just...I like him," Summer stammered. 

Kirsten studied her face. She seemed sincere.

Summer lowered her voice. "He is special."

Kirsten nodded and held out a carton for Summer to take. "No more sex in the poolhouse, okay? And if you do have sex..."

"Safe, I know," Summer said, practically squirming with her uncomfortableness. 

"As long as we have an understanding," Kirsten nodded. "Then you're welcome to visit when you like."

Summer turned away but reconsidered, tilting her head at her. "Did you give Coop a lecture, too?"

"Seth doesn't have 'Coop's' teeth marks on his neck," Kirsten replied with a slight smile. 

Summer hurried out of the kitchen.

* * *

Sandy pulled into the driveway and waved at the girls that were walking down his driveway.

Kirsten at told him about their dinner guests. He had been startled to hear the lilt of contentment in his wife's voice, it hadn't been what he expected after a day spent taking Ryan to the doctor's. 

He'd spent his day finalizing their guardianship of Ryan. 

Dawn Atwood was definitely a piece of fucking work.

_She tilted her head at him. "You want me to just give you my kid? Why the hell do you want him?"_

_He didn't reply._

_"What if I don't sign them? What's in it for me?" she asked, her blue eyes flashing._

_"What's in it for you?" Sandy repeated, stunned._

_Dawn's huge boyfriend leaned forward. "Yeah. If we give you the kid, what do we get? You gonna pay us?"_

_"Yeah, if you want Ry, you're going to have to make it worth our while," Dawn said._

_Sandy picked up his briefcase and opened it on top of the diner's table, pulling out a manila folder._

_He methodically placed the prints of Ryan's injuries across the table. Then he put Dawn's letter on the end. Next he pulled out the bulging social services file. Then he motioned out of the window where his buddy, Dennis, was leaning on his squadcar smoking a cigarette._

_"This is your motivation. Officer Davis really hates seeing kids hurt. If I wanted to, I could have you both arrested right now for child abuse and neglect."_

_"You can't prove anything..." Dawn said. "I didn't do this..."_

_"Do you really want me to take you to court? You don't want Ryan. I do. Sign the damn paper and we both get to go back to our lives. You wrote this letter, you signed it," Sandy said, holding out the copy of the letter. "All I'm doing is giving you what you want."_

"Hi, honey," Kirsten smiled, meeting him at the door. "You look tired."

"I am. It's good to be home," he replied. 

"The boys are in the poolhouse. Seth's got a date tomorrow night and I'm worried that he may spontaneously combust," Kirsten said.

"So, your day was really..."

"It was good. I mean...Ryan's got a lot of baggage, but...he's a good kid. We did the right thing. Oh, and he's having sex with the Roberts' girl," Kirsten added as an afterthought.

"Wait...Summer? Seth's Summer? Seth has a date?" Sandy was having trouble keeping up. He'd only been gone for 8 hours. 

"With Marissa," Kirsten replied.

"I'll talk to him about the...sex," Sandy said after a beat. 

"I wouldn't worry about it. I had a chat with Summer. We have an understanding," she said. "And I don't think we have to worry about 'the sex' as you call it with Seth just yet."

"Oh." He wrapped his arms around her. "So...good idea?"

"So far," she grinned. Her face fell slightly. "Are we okay?"

"Yeah," he answered honestly. 

"Good. 'Cause we just got in way over our heads."

* * *

"So, what are you going to do while I'm out on my date?" Seth asked.

Ryan covered his head with the pillow from his position on Seth's bed. 

Ever since eight a.m., when the gardener had woke the house up with the lawn mower, the kid had been trying on clothes. T-shirts, fuzzy sweaters, dress shirts and for a few minutes, his tuxedo. Finally he'd settled on faded jeans and an emo t-shirt under a white dress shirt. 

Ryan found it amusing that his thick curls seemed to tighten with according to his emotional fervor. Even if it was all in Ryan's imagination...it was amusing.

"Dude? Still with me? I promise we're going to go play ps2 shortly, as soon I find shoes..."

"It's four o'clock. You've been saying that since noon. Your mom had to bring us sandwiches because you weren't able to come out," Ryan said. 

"Sorry. But..."

"I know. It's a big night."

Seth grinned brightly. 

"I was planning on just staying in. Sleeping," Ryan answered honestly. 

"Dude, you should hang out with Summer or something," Seth said, frowning. "Ask her out or something."

"I don't really date, Seth," Ryan shrugged.

"What? But you and Summer..."

"That's not dating. I hang out with girls...I don't really...take them out," Ryan replied.

"Well, I have a little experience with asking girls out, I could give you some pointers," Seth offered, smiling.

"Thanks, but I'll pass. I'm just going to stay in," Ryan said.

"But...you feel okay and everything, right?" Seth asked.

"You guys are way too worried about me. I feel fine. And you're going to have a great first date. And you look fine. Let's go downstairs, dude."

"But, I don't know what shoes..."

"Seth," Ryan grumbled and was rewarded by Seth huffing and walking out of the room, his arms full of shoes.

He climbed off the bed and followed him down the stairs.

* * *

"Dad..." Kirsten sighed, exasperated and turned to face her father in the hallway where he'd followed her.

"I want to meet this boy, Kiki."

"You'll meet him, just not tonight," she replied.

"I still can't believe you made this big of a decision without consulting me," he said.

"Dad, I've been married eighteen years, I haven't consulted you on my personal life for at least twenty. Since you told me to marry Jimmy Cooper. I consult you for business decisions, not personal," she said.

"Kiki..."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't recall being consulted when you flew that model to Aspen last weekend. 

He stammered, but finally conceded. "I still want to meet him. Why don't you let me take you all out to dinner tonight."

"It's Friday night, Dad, I'm sure he has other plans."

"Well, if he doesn't, I expect to get a phone call," her father said. "If this kid's going to be living with you, we better get to know each other. Any person who's a part of my daughter's life is damned well going to be a part of mine," he added, kissing her cheek and disappearing into his office.

Since her mother had died of cancer a couple of years earlier, her father had changed. He'd thrown himself into his work during her decline and had been away at a conference when she passed away. 

He'd never forgiven himself and made it a point to be involved in Kirsten and her sister's life, to the point where he came over every Sunday for brunch after morning mass. 

Kirsten wasn't sure how her father was going to react to Ryan. Even though he'd made great strides in becoming a better father to her, Ryan wasn't exactly the kind of person her father would have run into in Newport.

* * *

"Mom, I'm leaving!" Marissa yelled upstairs when the doorbell rang. 

"Where are you going? Is Luke taking you out?"

Marissa rolled her eyes. "No, mom. Oh, and I'm staying at Summer's tonight..."

"Wait right there, young lady," Julie said, hurrying down the stairs. "If you have a date, I think I need to meet him."

Before Marissa could stop her, her mother swung open the door.

Seth was frozen, obviously not expecting Julie. "Mrs. Cooper, hello, how are you?"

"Seth. Nice to see you. Are you taking my daughter out tonight?"

"Um, yes?" Seth stammered.

"Come on, Seth. Goodbye, 'mother'," Marissa hissed, pulling Seth outside. 

"Have fun," Julie grinned, waving.

"So..."

"Ignore her, she just gets off on torturing me," Marissa said. 

"So, what do you want to do?"

"I'm hungry."

Seth gave her skeptical look.

"Shut up," she laughed. She was always hungry.

* * *

"Kirsten, you can't do this to the kid right now, you'll scare him away," Sandy was telling his wife when Ryan walked in. 

"What's up?" Ryan asked, sitting down at the counter.

"My father wants to meet you," Kirsten announced. "He's coming over for dinner."

Sandy was shaking his head and waving his hands behind Kirsten's back. 

"Is that a good idea?" Ryan asked.

"Well, you're going to be around and he's a member of this family, too. Might as well get it over with," Kirsten said, glaring at Sandy.

"Shouldn't we wait until Seth's here, too?" Ryan asked. He had to meet the family now? 

"Seth already knows Caleb. Come on, we have to make you a tinfoil hat so he won't read your mind," Sandy said. Kirsten punched him, good naturedly in the arm.

"He's not evil. I think you'll get along. He's really excited about it," Kirsten said.

"What do you think I will have in common with your father?" Ryan asked.

She hesitated. 

"I'll go change," Ryan said, conceding. 

The doorbell rang.

"Too late. You look fine. It's going to be fine," Kirsten said.

Sandy walked over and sat down beside him. "Hopefully he won't stay too long. And he stopped biting the mailman years ago."

Ryan was still doubtful. 

He was surprised when he recognized the balding man that walked in with Kirsten carrying a large box from a restaurant.

"At least he brought food," Sandy muttered out of the corner of his mouth before plastering on a smile and shaking his hand.

"Sandford. See you're still alive. And this must be Ryan," he said. "I'm Caleb, Kiki's father and Seth's grandfather. Occasionally I even claim Sandford."

Ryan shook his hand, making sure to use a firm grip. 

Caleb seemed to recognize him, too after a moment. "Where do I know you from, boy?"

"I don't know," Ryan replied honestly. "But you are familiar."

"Why don't we all sit down and I'll get our drinks," Kirsten said, giving Ryan a curious glance.

* * *

Summer ignored Luke's persistent whine in her ear and tried to focus on the keg.

This party blew. 

Marissa was out with Cohen, Holly was crying because Luke had stopped fucking her and Ryan wasn't even here. 

She didn't have his number and she definitely didn't want to get Kirsten on the phone. She shuddered. 

Kirsten was acting like a mom already. Summer didn't do well with moms.

"Summer!" Luke said. "Are you listening to me? You have to help me get her back."

"No, I don't. You fucked up, Luke. You cheated on her. I wouldn't be a friend if I helped you. You deserve to be alone. Get over yourself," she said, pushing past him with her refilled up and heading outside to the deck.

She pulled out her phone and tried Coop's cell phone again. It went straight to voicemail.

"Coop, I'm bored! I miss you. At least when you were dating Luke we got to hang out. Call me. Oh...and hope you're having a good time." She hesitated to close the phone after she ended the call. 

She finally closed it. She needed to get over this obsession with Ryan soon. 

School was starting soon and she was wasting good party time thinking about a boy.

A very hot boy. 

Who could fuck like a machine. 

She drained the cup and tossed it into the garbage and started toward her car.

* * *

Caleb and Sandy were bantering across the table and Ryan was eating silently, but he'd relaxed after a few calm inquiries from Caleb earlier.

"Ryan? How's the veal?"

"It's, um, good. I don't think I've had veal before," he admitted.

"We don't even know what you like to eat," Kirsten said.

"This is fine," Ryan said. 

"I really think we've met before," Caleb said.

Ryan glanced at him. "I think I remember now. I used to help my friend Theresa's mom clean houses out here. Your wife was sick and you'd come home at lunch to sit with her."

Kirsten could tell by her dad's face that it was true. She didn't know that her dad would visit her mom at lunch. 

"That's right. Eva, she would bring Laura muffins every few days. You've grown up a lot since then, you were skinny. Always polite, though," her dad added as an afterthought.

Ryan was silent, reflective.

"Mom passed away a few years ago," Kirsten said quietly. 

"I'm sorry. She was a very nice lady," Ryan replied.

"It's a small world, isn't it," Caleb said softly. "But welcome to the family, Ryan."

Kirsten could see that Ryan and her father did have something in common after all.

* * *

Ryan stepped into the poolhouse and flipped the light on. 

Summer was lying on his bed, watching the door.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was bored. I wanted to see you. Is that so bad?"

Ryan walked over and leaned over the bed as she raised up on her elbows to accept his kiss.

Within seconds, they were on the bed, making out. She tasted like lust and beer.

"Wait..." Summer said, breathless, pulling away. "We can't do this here."

"What?"

"Kirsten says we can't have sex in the poolhouse," Summer said, straighteing her bikini top and standing up. "Come on."

"When did Kirsten..." Ryan started.

"Never mind, let's go outside."

He didn't have anything better to do so he let her lead him outside and behind the poolhouse to a path that led down the hill toward the beach.

"Where are we going?"

"The Cohen's and Coop share a little swatch of beach. We can be alone there and I won't be breaking any of Kirsten's rules. She busted me for that little lovebite on your neck," Summer said over her shoulder.

Ryan should've known. Seth had mentioned it last night but he'd hoped that the Cohens had been less observant. He should've known better. 

"Here we are," Summer said, releasing his hand and turning to face him. "Secluded, private and perfect for a little forbidden tryst."

"You are definitely surprising," he said, stepping forward to kiss her.

He enjoyed her mouth for several minutes until they both heard the sound of voices echoing above the sound of the surf. 

"Coop," Summer said softly, recognizing her friend's voice.

Ryan listened harder but couldn't make out the words.

"We should check it out," Summer said.

They almost looked like a normal couple out on a walk but the cluster of people down the beach did not.

He recognized Luke standing with Marissa, holding her arms.

He didn't see Seth. 

"You have to talk to me, what are you doing with this geek, trying to make me jealous? Well it worked, you got back at me..." Luke was yelling. 

Ryan saw Seth then, on his back in the sand with the familiar jocks standing over him, kicking him in shifts.

He took off in a run and was vaguely aware of Summer kicking Luke in the balls and screeching at him when he pushed the biggest guy over.

"Oh, you want some of this, punk?"

He'd managed to deal with the pain in his chest for days, but after the first two hits on his bandaged abdomen, he went down.

* * *

"Stop it! Stop it!!" Marissa screamed. Summer was throwing sand and kicking at Luke's prone form from where he was protecting his danglies from her precise kicks.

Seth wasn't taking the brunt of the attack anymore, but blood was streaming out of his nose as he struggled in Chip's grip from the outer circle of boys attacking Ryan.

"You're killing him..." Seth said and everything stopped as Marissa heard the harsh gasps from Ryan. 

Art hesitated throwing his punch and Summer stopped her assault. 

Ryan was struggling to breathe, on his back on the sand. 

"We need to get out of here," Chip said suddenly and the bulk of the boys took off in a sprint toward their cars. 

Marissa went to Seth's side where he had crawled to crouch over Ryan's prone form. 

"Ryan?"

Ryan couldn't seem to catch his breath, sucking and exhaling air at a painful pace, his face tight with pain. 

"What's wrong with him?" Luke asked, on his feet now.

"Summer, go get my dad..." Seth said, stricken.

"But..."

"Go!" Seth yelled and she took off in a run. 

"Seth..." Marissa whispered, panicked.

Ryan was clawing at his shirt and she was startled when Luke pushed her aside and pulled his shirt up to reveal his bindings.

"Get away from him," Seth said.

Marissa stifled a scream when Luke pulled out the knife.

"Dude!"

Luke positioned the knife at the bottom of the bandage and sliced upwards to cut them off.

Ryan immediately started breathing easier, digging his hands into the sand, still in pain.

"He could've punctured a lung," Luke said, sticking the knife in the sand and putting his ear against Ryan's heaving chest. "Call an ambulance..."

"Do you hear anything?" Marissa asked, clinging to Seth now, unable to control the emotions surging through her. 

"Just calm down, dude, and try to breathe," Luke told Ryan before turning to her. "I think his bindings were too tight and the fight just made it too much to deal with..."

Seth was talking to 911 when Summer returned with Sandy and Kirsten and the security guard. 

"What happened?" Sandy demanded, falling to his knees beside Ryan. 

"Seth?" Kirsten asked.

"There was a fight, he was trying to help and then he just couldn't breathe," Seth said.

* * *

Ryan finally came out of his pain induced haze on his back in the ambulance. His chest was numb from all the icepacks and every breath from the oxygen mask was like knives were piercing his body..

"There you are. Thought we lost you for a minute there," Sandy said, smiling at him from beside the medic.

"Still here..." Ryan said, his voice hoarse.

"You're a lucky kid," the lady said. "We're leaving you on the oxygen for a little while longer before we turn you loose..."

"Are you absolutely sure he doesn't need a hospital?" Sandy asked her

"No, no hospital," Ryan said.

"This is not your decision," Sandy said quickly, silencing him.

"Keep an eye on him overnight and bring him down in the morning for some new x-rays. And you might want to let his doctor know that they don't recommend wrapping broken ribs anymore, it increases the chance of a pneumothorax," the lady said.

"Thanks," Sandy said, turning his attention back to Ryan. "We need to have a talk."

Ryan knew that he was going to get in trouble for fighting.

"I appreciate you looking out for Seth. You're a good friend. But I don't want you putting your own health in danger, for anyone. Seth's not your responsibility. You've been hurt enough and one of the reasons I brought you here was so you wouldn't be hurt anymore. Okay?"

He nodded, not knowing what to say.

"Luke told us what happened and we're going to have the boys punished for what they did to you..."

"You called the cops?" Ryan asked.

"No. I know how you feel about cops. But we are going to call their parents and tell them what happened. The Newpsies are much more worried about being in the papers than they are about police," Sandy said. "Don't worry."

"I'm sorry..."

"I know, kid. But you didn't do anything wrong. But you are grounded."

"Grounded?" Ryan asked.

"Yep. The lady of the house has spoken. She says you're on lockdown until your bruises go away. You really scared us tonight, kid," Sandy said. He patted his hand fondly. 

Ryan couldn't remember his own parents ever comforting him when he'd been hurt. 

Newport was definitely like no other place he'd ever known. 


	8. Chapter 8

Seth shook off his mother’s tender touch, shivering from the breeze off the ocean. “I’m all right, Mom.”  
  
Sure, his bruises hurt and he’d ruined his favorite shirt, but he couldn’t just curl up in his momma’s arms like he wanted to.  
  
Marissa was still leaning against him with her arm around his waist. It was one of the few times he’d had to be the strong one.  
  
Summer was sitting on the front bumper of the Rover, struggling not to wring her hands as they all waited for Sandy and Ryan to come out of the ambulance.  
  
Luke’s Dad had picked him up shortly before the medics told them that Ryan was okay but Seth was still feeling his presence. Stupid Luke and his gorillas were the whole reason that his first date had gone down in a flash of blood and sand.  
  
He’d been walking with Marissa discussing the merits of Death Cab in comparison to Bright Eyes and the guys had just come out of nowhere.  
  
He still wasn’t sure where Ryan had come from.  
  
He’d never seen anyone die before, but he imagined that Ryan was doing a damned good imitation earlier. The way he was struggling for breath and clenching his muscles…  
  
It was horrible.  
  
Seth couldn’t seem to get the image of Ryan in pain out of his mind, not until he had a calm, normal image to replace it.  
  
But the lights were flashing and his mom was here and Marissa was shivering, too and nothing was okay.  
  
“Summer? Marissa? Why don’t you girls come and sit down in the car and I’ll turn the heat on,” his mom offered, her voice soothing.  
  
But Seth knew that she was worried about Ryan, too. He’d been worried at first about how she would accept Ryan, but after their impromptu shopping trip the previous day, she’d been full of warmth toward Ryan.  
  
“We’re okay,” Summer said.  
  
“Come on, Summer,” Marissa said, glancing at him and escorting her best friend over to the Rover.  
  
“Are you okay?” his mom asked him softly.  
  
“Yeah. Do you think he’s all right?”  
  
“Well, if he wasn’t, they would have taken him to the hospital already. They can treat him here. I doubt Ryan would really like a bunch of interns poking at him tonight. He’s already had to suffer through dinner with your grandfather,” she said.  
  
“He met Grandpa? No wonder he was off his game,” Seth muttered.  
  
“Seth,” she sighed.  
  
“I’m sorry, mom.”  
  
“I don’t think any of this was your fault. Did you have a nice time with Marissa?”  
  
“Yeah…” Seth started, but he saw the back doors of the ambulance open and his father stepped out.  
  
“Come on, I know you’re anxious to see him,” Kirsten said, guiding him toward the ambulance.  
  
Seth finally felt like he was snapping out of his fog when he saw Ryan step carefully out of the rig onto the pavement. He was bruised, but was breathing normally.  
  
“Dude?” he called when he got close to him.  
  
“Hey. You okay?” Ryan asked quietly, his blue eyes dull.  
  
“Fine, dude, what about you?”  
  
“He’s going home to lie down for a couple of days. And he’s going to start taking his painkillers,” Sandy added. Seth saw Ryan glance down, guilty.  
  
“You promised me you were taking them,” Kirsten scolded softly, but her relief at seeing Ryan upright was visible on her face.  
  
“Sorry. They make me so sleepy. Stupid,” Ryan muttered.  
  
“Well, plan on being sleepy and stupid for a few days. I’m not letting either of you out of my sight,” Kirsten said.  
  
“You’re grounding us? It wasn’t our fault…” Seth protested.  
  
“Let’s get back to the house,” Sandy said, keeping his hand on Ryan’s back to steady him.  
  
“You’re really okay?” Seth asked Ryan.  
  
He glanced at his feet for a moment and finally admitted, “I’m sore as hell, Seth.”  
  
Summer and Marissa got out of the Rover as soon as they walked over.  
  
“Are you okay?” they asked in unison, pausing long enough to look at each other in surprise.  
  
“I’ll be okay. I just need…to lie down,” Ryan confessed.  
  
“What did the medic say, why aren’t you going to the hospital, did your lung collapse…” Summer started asking in rapid fire.  
  
Ryan held up his hand and silenced her. “Later. Right now, I just want to lie down.”  
  
Summer hesitated before nodding and reaching forward to give him a loose, gentle hug. “I’m glad you’re okay.”  
  
“Girls, it’s been a long night. We’re going to get the boys home to bed. Marissa, can you drive Summer home? She can pick up her car tomorrow,” Kirsten asked.  
  
Summer gave her a curious look. “I can drive…”  
  
Seth made a drinking motion with his hand and shook his head, careful that his mother didn’t see him. His mother had magic nostrils.  
  
Ryan said something quietly into her ear and she nodded.  
  
“Thanks,” she said to Kirsten.  
  
“I’ll call you,” Marissa told Seth, giving him a tight hug and kissing his cheek. “Get some rest.”  
  
Ryan made a motion to get into the back seat but his father stopped him, holding open the front door to the Rover.  
  
“Come on, kid, let’s get you home,” Sandy said.  
  


* * *

  
“I think we need to reconsider some things,” Kirsten said once they were inside. Ryan was actually letting her help him by leaning against her slightly for support.  
  
Ryan was walking slowly and his pain was evident in every breath he took.  
  
“Mom, what?” Seth asked, worried.  
  
Kirsten gave him a reassuring glance and continued to guide Ryan toward the guest room. “I think Ryan should stay inside. Not in the poolhouse, but inside like the rest of us. It isn’t right for him to be living separate, like he’s hired help,” she said.  
  
Ryan glanced at her but didn’t argue.  
  
“I’ve given it a lot of thought,” Kirsten said, feeling Sandy’s startled gaze on her. “And we can turn the poolhouse into a, sort of, rec room. Maybe get a new TV for the living room and move the old one out there. You could put your video games out there so you wouldn’t have to worry about Sandy and I interrupting your ‘competitions’,” she continued.  
  
“But…” Seth started again.  
  
“We’d have to put some things that Ryan can enjoy, too, something so you’re not sitting in front of a screen all day getting arthritis in your thumbs,” she said. “Ryan?”  
  
He didn’t say anything and sat down on the bed, tired. “Whatever is fine,” he consented.  
  
“Seth, go get Ryan some water so he can take these pills,” Kirsten dispatched and she waited until Sandy followed him to return her attention to Ryan.  
  
She pulled the covers back and turned to help him untie his shoes, but he was already bending over, his breath hitched from the pain of his position.  
  
“Lie down, Ryan. You’re insistent on being in pain, aren’t you?” she asked.  
  
He didn’t respond, his blue eyes unreadable and she regretted her words immediately.  
  
“Honey, I’m sorry…” she started but he didn’t look at her. He didn’t untie his shoes, pushing them off with his heels and getting under the covers.  
  
Seth returned with a bottle of water and he could sense the change in mood. “What’s up?”  
  
“I’ll see you tomorrow, guys. I’m just going to crash. Thanks,” Ryan said quietly, his back to them.  
  
“Your medicine…”  
  
“They gave me a dose in the ambulance. If I take anymore I’ll be sick,” Ryan mumbled. “I’m fine.”  
  
“All right, buddy. I’ll come check on you in the morning,” Seth said, leaving.  
  
“Honey…” she started again, going to lean over him.  
  
“I’m fine,” he stated.  
  
She left him alone and rejoined Sandy in the kitchen where he was making coffee.  
  
“How’s he doing?”  
  
“He insists he’s fine.”  
  
“He’s a tough kid. I think he was more scared of upsetting us than he was of being hurt.”  
  
“I’m glad he was there for Seth…but this shouldn’t have happened,” Kirsten sighed.  
  
“You know how kids are. You remember how bad it was last year for Seth at Harbor. He’s like a bullseye for the jocks, and now that he’s dating Marissa, it’s only going to get worse if we don’t do something.”  
  
“What?” she asked.  
  
“Well, to start things off, I’ve contacted the parents of all the boys involved in the fight tonight. I’ve explained to them that if there’s even a harsh word said around Seth or Ryan, for that matter, that I’ll be taking out restraining orders.”  
  
“Are you serious?”  
  
Sandy shrugged, sipping from his mug. “TRO’s don’t really do much, but they’ll keep those boys out of Harbor and you know their parents aren’t going to go for that. So far, all of the parents have promised written apologies from their boys.”  
  
“Are you sure this isn’t going to make it worse?” she asked.  
  
“I think that the parents need to know what their kids are doing. You know as well as I do that the Newpsie parents around here are not exactly the most attentive parents in the world,” Sandy said.  
  
“Summer was drunk, when she ran in and told us Ryan was hurt…I didn’t know what to think. She drove here drunk. And as much as I wanted to lecture her, she’s not my kid. I can see that she really cares about Ryan…but I don’t know if I want the boys hanging out with her,” Kirsten admitted.  
  
“We can’t be responsible for other people’s kids,” Sandy said.  
  
“But if they’re putting our kids in danger…” Kirsten started. “I mean, tonight could’ve been so much worse…and even though I trust Seth, hell, I even trust Ryan…I just don’t know what the right thing is.”  
  
“We just have to take care of the two teenagers we have. We’ll figure out the rest. But I don’t think we should start picking their friends,” Sandy said, pulling her into a hug. “They’ll never forgive us.”  
  


* * *

  
Ryan woke up about every two hours, the memory of not being able to breathe coupled with the intense pain in his chest keeping him from resting.  
  
Sandy kept assuring him that everything was okay and that he wasn't in trouble for the fight, but he had seen something lingering in the man's eyes.  
  
Ryan had disappointed him. The Cohens had all put so much faith in him and he'd let them down.  
  
He couldn't let Seth just get beat down, he was just a kid, he couldn't take a beating like the ones those guys were giving him.  
  
He didn't know what else to do. Call the cops? On the Newport boys? Never. He knew that cops never solved anything. Besides, he knew that out of all of those kids, he was the only one on probation.  
  
He shifted in bed to try and relieve some of the pain in his ribs. He hurt all over.  
  
He heard the door open and saw the light from the hallway. "Ryan? Is it time for your medicine?" Kirsten called softly.  
  
"I can get it," he said, not realizing that he was on a schedule.  
  
"Stay there," she urged, flipping on the dim lamp and gathering his pills in her hand before coming to sit on the bed. "Are you in pain?"  
  
He accepted the pills and that seemed to answer her. He didn't really feel like talking to her right now.  
  
"You scared us tonight. We just want you to be okay. You didn't do anything wrong," she whispered, startling him by putting her hand against his cheek tenderly. "We don't want to lose you. You have to take care of yourself."  
  
He nodded, swallowing the pills and allowing her to arrange his blankets.  
He wondered what it would've been like to have a mom like Kirsten.  
  
"Are you comfortable? We'll get you a bed of your own when you feel better, buy you some decorative things, make it feel more like your home. It'll be better than the poolhouse."  
  
"Are you sure you just don't want Summer sneaking in?" Ryan asked.  
  
She smiled and he could see that his attempt at levity had worked. "Well, let's just put it this way, there's only one window instead of fifteen. You'll have more privacy."  
  
"Okay," he said.  
  
"Do you think you can get back to sleep?" she asked.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
She turned off the lamp and closed the door, leaving it open for crack.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy had barely scraped the crust out of his eyes when the first knock on the door startled him from sleep.  
  
He opened the door and was surprised to see Summer Roberts standing on the porch. "Summer. It's...early."  
  
"I know, I'm sorry, I just woke up and couldn't get back to sleep and Coop had to go home to change so...I brought donuts," she said, holding out a box.  
  
"Come on in," Sandy yawned. She had donuts. She couldn't be all bad.  
  
"How is he?"  
  
"Kirsten checked in on him a couple of times during the night and he seems to be okay. If you promise not to wake him, you can go look in on him," Sandy offered.  
  
Summer nodded and followed him down the hall to the guest room. The door was cracked and they could see Ryan lying on his back with this eyes open.  
  
“He’s awake,” she whispered, glancing at him.  
  
“I’m going to make some coffee, find out what he wants for breakfast and I’ll bring it in for him, we don’t want him getting out of bed today,” Sandy said.  
  
“I’m on the case,” Summer said, stepping inside.  
  
Sandy was relieved when she left the door open slightly. Kirsten would freak out if she found Summer in Ryan’s room today.  
  
He went into the kitchen to start the coffee and after several minutes of solitude, Summer joined him.  
  
“How’s he doing?”  
  
“Cranky. Wanted a shower and I told him I’d bring him some coffee,” Summer said. “He said he wasn’t hungry.”  
  
“He has to eat something,” Sandy said, mostly to himself.  
  
“I just can’t imagine that he’s been walking around with broken ribs. Or that he can go so long without eating…God, Coop’s a beanpole but she eats, like, six meals a day. Those pills he’s on are hell on an empty stomach,” Summer muttered.  
  
“He’s a tough kid,” Sandy said.  
  
“Yeah,” she acknowledged.  
  
The doorbell rang again and he left Summer alone as he went to answer it.  
  
“Mr. Cohen. I’m Margaret Jenkins with social services,” the lady said.  
  
“Hello, we’ve talked on the phone before. Come in,” Sandy said, chilled but knowing that the woman was already grading him. He hadn’t expected a surprise visit so soon, but he had to deal with it.  
  
“The reason I’m here is we’ve received two reports of medical encounters. A visit to the pediatrician and then an ambulance visit in the same day? Those kinds of things need to be brought to my attention,” Mrs. Jenkins said sternly.  
  
“Mrs. Jenkins, we’ve done everything by the book. We took him to the pediatrician to document his health when he arrived and last night was an accident…”  
  
“An accident,” she stated flatly.  
  
“Mr. Cohen? What’s going on?” Summer called from the foyer.  
  
“I need to speak with Ryan, please. To find out if I need to arrange alternative placement for him,” she said.  
  
“I’ll get him,” Sandy said, not letting his worry show. “Come on, Summer, you’ll have to stay in the kitchen for a little while.”  
  


* * *

  
“Social services? Here?” Kirsten asked. “You left them alone with Ryan?”  
  
“I don’t have any choice,” Sandy replied but she knew that he was just as upset as she was.  
  
They were still getting to know the boy and they were on the verge of losing him.  
  
She’d invested a lot in helping this kid and she wasn’t going to let them take him from her.  
  
“Guys? What exactly does this mean?” Summer asked quietly from the counter. Kirsten had almost forgotten that she was there, but she didn’t seem to be willing to leave.  
  
“Social services is designed to make sure that kids are placed in healthy homes. Since Ryan isn’t exactly healthy…and we’re relatively new to the system…they’re going to be paying special attention to us,” Sandy explained.  
  
“But it was just a fight,” she said quietly.  
  
Kirsten could see that Summer was upset.  
  
“What can we do, Sandy?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“We just have to wait,” he replied.  
  
Kirsten turned and saw the lady in the business suit walk in with Ryan. Ryan was carrying his backpack. He wouldn’t look at her.  
  
“Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, I’m going to take Ryan to get reevaluated. He assures me that his injuries weren’t due to anything that you did, but we want to make sure. I’ll contact you if he’s able to return to your care,” she said.  
  
“You can’t just take him, we did everything we were supposed to, we’ve done everything to get him here,” Kirsten protested.  
  
“It’s okay,” Ryan said quietly, glancing at her with hooded eyes.  
  
“It’s only temporary,” Sandy said but his face was unreadable. Kirsten realized that he didn’t know anything either. “We’ll do everything we can…”  
  
“Let’s go, Ryan,” Mrs. Jenkins said.  
  
Kirsten managed not to cry as he walked out of the room with the woman, his shoulders hunched. Summer gave him a one handed wave and let her hand linger in the air. She was stricken too.  
  
“What are we going to tell Seth?” Sandy whispered.  
  


* * *


	9. Chapter 9

Ryan didn’t say anything as Margaret shuttled him around. 

He was sitting in the backseat, his pack in the trunk and it had been four hours since he’d had any pain medication. 

He felt like he was a prisoner all over again.

It was also fucking hot in the car.

She’d barely said a word from him since her terse interview in the guest room of the Cohens. 

He was getting pissed off. She left him in the car while she went in to interview the pediatrician. She said that she didn’t want him to strain himself. As if sitting in an air-conditioned waiting room was worse than a cramped, hot car. 

He could see that her briefcase was brand new. She was new to this job and she wanted to make an impression.

He was her chance to one-up the apparently notorious Sandy Cohen. 

She’d half-assed explained to him that since Sandy had called in so many favors to get Ryan to stay with him that she ‘just wanted to make sure that it was legit’. 

He leaned his head against the glass and tried not to throw up. 

He didn’t want to be here anymore. He was trying to play by the rules, do what the child services lady wanted but he really didn’t want to be in this car anymore. 

He glimpsed a bench a few feet away in the shade. There was a payphone a few steps from the bench. 

Fuck it, what was she going to do to him? He’d already been taken from the safest place he’d ever been. 

He got out of the car and made his way to the phone. 

After a couple of rings, Sandy’s voice came on the line. “Cohen’s.”

“Sandy?”

“Ryan, where are you? Are you all right?”

“This woman is a bitch,” he said. 

There was a long pause. Ryan thought Sandy must be walking somewhere. “Did you take off?”

“No. She’s inside talking to the doctor brought me to yesterday. She left me in the car,” he said, leaning against the phone. 

“She left you in the car?”

“Yeah. And she forgot to give me the meds that she took back at the house. Her incompetence is starting to piss me off.”

“Are you all right?”

“I think I’m going to get sick soon if I don’t get somewhere cool. What do you want me to do?” Ryan asked. Even if he never got to go back to the Cohens, he still trusted Sandy to tell him the best thing to do. 

“Are you at the clinic now?”

“Yeah.”

“Go inside. Get something to drink, ask the receptionist for some water. Your health is more important that following her instructions. When Mrs. Jenkins is done, tell her why you went inside. God, kid…I’d come get you if I could…”

“I’m trying to do what I’m supposed to do. But…”

“No buts, Ryan. It’s all going to work out. You’ll be home soon. Don’t…don’t do anything reckless. Just hang tight. Trust me.”

“I trust you. I don’t trust them,” Ryan replied. 

* * *

“Summer? Seth? What’s going on?” Marissa asked, holding the door open to let them inside. 

“This is a shitty day,” Summer replied. “They took Ryan.”

“What? Who took Ryan?” she asked, confused.

“Child services. Because of the fight last night, it’s such bullshit,” Seth muttered.

Marissa embraced him impulsively. “What for?”

“Because she’s a bitch. She didn’t even talk to Mr. or Mrs. Cohen, I mean, they obviously care about him and they’re trying to help him but they get in trouble because Luke and his goons beat him up,” Summer said, frustrated. 

"What are you going to do?" Marissa asked Seth.

He shrugged. "I can't do anything. Dad says that it will all work out, that he has faith in the system but the system is what took him from us."

"Let's get drunk," Summer suggested. 

"We can't get drunk," Seth said. "We have to do something." 

"There doesn't sound like much we can do. Your dad's a good lawyer, I'm sure he knows what he's doing," Marissa said. "You should trust him."

Seth nodded silently. "I just hate this. He got in trouble trying to help me."

"Helping us," Marissa said. She felt guilty, too. Luke had been her boyfriend. It was his temper that had culminated in all of this. 

"So. Let's get drunk," Summer repeated. 

"No, Summer. My mom's here. Let's go upstairs. We can have...cupcakes instead," Marissa suggested.

"What kind?" Summer asked.

"Chocolate. Go put in a movie and I'll bring them up," Marissa said. Summer sighed but disappeared up the stairs. 

Marissa turned to Seth, taking in his settled bruises. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just pissed off. Ryan...he's a cool guy and he doesn't deserve what's happening to him. I wish there was something I could do."

"He'll be back. I don't think for a second that we've seen the last of Ryan Atwood," Marissa said. 

Seth smiled.

She'd never really realized before the party how much Seth Cohen had grown up. He was sexy in a boyish kind of way. She was attracted to him much more than she should be. 

"Come on, Summer's going to need her chocolate fix."

* * *

Margaret had not been happy to see Ryan sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Especially since the receptionist had went to get the doctor when she saw Ryan.

Margaret had driven him straight to the hospital, explaining that they couldn't find immediate placement for him on such short notice. 

He was placed in a private room, hell, he even had a window so he knew that something other than ‘lack of placement’ had happened. 

Margaret was sitting beside his bed, writing furiously in her notebook.

The door opened and an older lady entered dressed in a tailored suit. "Mrs. Jenkins. What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Dr. Fisher, I had to follow up on Ryan's injuries, I handled it like I would handle any of my cases," Margaret said, her face reddening. Ryan glanced between them. 

"No, you didn't. If you had interviewed the parents, taken the paramedics' and officers' accounts into consideration this boy would not have been dragged all over town. He would not be dehydrated from you leaving him in a car for over two hours," the woman said.

"How do you..."

"This boy is going back to the Cohen's tomorrow morning when he's discharged from the hospital. They have done everything by the book and there is no evidence that anything they did caused this boy any harm. You are incompetent."

"Excuse me," Ryan said, capturing both their attention. "Not inspiring a lot of confidence here. Could you take this outside?"

The lady glared at Margaret and they gave him his privacy. He was going to nap, but he glimpsed the phone. 

If what she said was true, then it would be okay for him to call the Cohens. Call Seth. 

He considered his options for a moment and finally decided that he'd call Seth. 

It took him a few seconds to search his memory for the number but he could still hear the ladies arguing outside the room. 

"Hello?"

"Seth..."

"Ryan? Where are you, are you okay? What are they doing to you? Are you hurt?"

"Chill," Ryan said, smiling despite himself. He should've known that Seth would be full of questions. 

"Okay. So you've got phone privileges?" 

"I'm at the hospital," Ryan said.

"What? Dude..."

"No, it's not bad, she just didn't have anywhere else to take me. I...I talked to your dad earlier and he convinced me not to run," Ryan explained. "And now this other lady came in and went off on Mrs. Jenkins."

"And?"

"And she said I can go back to your place sometime tomorrow."

“Really? I mean, why the hell did they take you if they were just going to give you back?” Seth stammered.

“I think the lady wanted to prove a point and she fucked up. Either that or she didn’t think I had enough drama in my life. You think it’ll be okay if I come back?” Ryan asked.

“Dude, yes, my parents have been freaking out, totally freaking out and…and I think Summer might have developed a little crush on you, she’s gone through a whole plate of cupcakes…”

“Cupcakes?” Ryan asked, grinning. 

“Yeah, dude, these girls can put away some pastries. So, when can we come get you?”

“I don’t know. The lady is still yelling at Mrs. Jenkins. Can you let your dad know what’s up?” Ryan asked. 

“Yeah, dude.”

“Oh, and Seth?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re going to get a crash course in fighting your own battles when I get back,” Ryan added.

“What?” Seth asked.

Ryan smiled. He missed Seth. Even though he’d only been gone a few hours, the fear of being forced to live with strangers that weren’t the Cohens had reinforced the strange connection he had with them. 

Even Kirsten had opened herself up to him. She’d seemed genuinely upset to see him leave. 

“I’ll see you later, man," Ryan said.

"Wait, if you're in the hospital...can we come see you?"

"You better ask your dad. I have to go..." Ryan said, hanging up the phone and replacing it on the table right as the lady returned, without Margaret.

"Ryan, my name's Edith Murray. I want to apologize for my colleague, she's...a little...new at this."

Ryan didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything, why should you apologize?" he asked. "She should apologize. To the Cohens."

Edith nodded. "Margaret is notifying them now. Do you want to file a report?"

"Would it make a difference? No thank you. I just..."

"Just what?"

"I need a little stability. It's been a rough couple of weeks," he replied quietly. 

"You want to stay with the Cohens?"

"As long as they'll have me," he replied quietly. 

"You're going to have to stay out of trouble. We made a mistake this time, but we're still going to be monitoring you closely. No more fighting. You cooperated with us today, and that proves to me how much you want to make this work."

"I do want this to work. I want something to work," he said. 

She stood up. "This is going to work. If Sandy believes in you, it's enough for me to believe in you. Don't disappoint me," she smiled. 

* * *

Sandy was talking to the social worker in the hallway and as much as Kirsten wanted to hear what she was saying, she needed to see Ryan.

She'd only known him a couple of days, but the way he put himself in danger to protect Seth had proven his worth beyond any doubt. 

Seth was chattering inside the room, bouncing on his heels as he stood by the bed.

Ryan's soft chuckle soothed her worry and when she stepped over, she could see that he was okay. 

He'd taken care of himself fine for sixteen odd years but she was supposed to take care of him now. 

"You okay?" she asked, hesitantly patting his hand. He watched her, wary and surprised by her gentleness. There were so many questions that she knew she could never ask him.

"Yeah. The nurses gave me my meds. They watched me take them," he replied softly. 

"Good. You need to rest," she said. 

"I know," he answered, rolling his eyes, annoyed, but she saw the hint of appreciation and surprise that he was trying to hide from her doting. 

She couldn't imagine anyone not seeing how special this boy was. But she hadn't seen it. He had perfected his masks to blend into whatever environment he was forced into. 

Sandy walked in and put his arm around her shoulders. "Well, kid. Looks like you're still stuck with us." 

She smiled at him. Sometimes she thought he could do anything. 

"I can deal with that," Ryan replied, glancing at her shyly. 

"They want to keep you overnight, just to cover their ass," Sandy said.

"Sandy, don't say 'ass'," she scolded. 

"Sorry, honey," he grinned.

"That's cool. I can totally sleep here," Ryan said. 

"I'll hang out, dude," Seth offered.

"I said 'sleep', Seth," Ryan smiled. "You should go home and sleep, too."

"We don't want to leave you here alone all night," she said. 

"It'll be fine. You guys...can come back and get me tomorrow. I'm really beat," Ryan said. 

Sandy squeezed her shoulder. "It's okay," he whispered. 

* * *

Ryan was a light sleeper and had even convinced the nurses to leave him alone unless he buzzed for them. He planned on sleeping through the night.

So when the door opened a crack, it immediately woke him up and he narrowed his eyes. 

It opened a little more, light from the hallway spilling across the floor as he saw the girl's curved body step in. It was Summer.

In a candystriper outfit. She turned around after stepping in and he could see that her back was bare, the front held up by a bow around her neck. It was more like an apron with a skirt attached. She'd obviously left off parts of the outfit and he dick stiffened with anticipation. 

"Summer?"

"Shh..." she whispered, smiling as she walked toward him, swiveling her hips erotically in her tall heels. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

She had a predatory smile on her face as she lowered the bed rail and sat down on the bed, her skirt riding up to reveal her smooth ass. 

He took advantage and slipped a hand underneath her, rubbing his fingers against her throbbing clit. 

"I'm doing you," she answered, pulling the sheet down and then pulling his pants down before throwing her leg over him and straddling him with his cock tenting the front of her flimsy skirt as it rubbed up against her shaved mound. 

"Summer..."

"Shh," she said, putting her finger over his lips. "We have to be quiet. No talking...and you, don't move. I'm in control. I don't want you hurting yourself," she said, pushing his shirt up and leaning forward to lick his nipple. 

"But..."

"Hush," she scolded and he obeyed, letting her take his shirt off. 

She started to stroke his cock roughly and it was driving him insane and his hips started to push his cock into her fist.

"No," she said, letting go of his cock and frowning at him playfully. "I'm fucking you, Ry. You have to behave..."

"Sorry..." he replied, needing her to touch his cock again.

She pulled a condom from the pocket of the teeny skirt and untied the bow behind her neck so her perfect breasts bounced free.

He reached up and caressed it, rubbing her hard nipple before she slapped his hand.

"Don't do anything!" she insisted.

"But..."

"No!" she whispered, pushing his hands to his side. 

She rolled the condom onto his dick and without any more warning, raised herself and lowered her body around his cock. 

He bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out as his cock was fully inside her, the tightness of her channel sending shockwaves through his body. 

"Stay still," she whispered and began to ride him painfully slow, dragging her pussy on and off his cock as she held his nipples between her fingertips. 

She finally took his cock inside her completely and started to move her hips in short, thrusting circles and he grunted as he exploded inside her. 

She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Now, I have to clean up the patient," she whispered, climbing off him and leaning over to take off the condom and tie it off before licking her juices and the lubricant off his cock and balls. 

The feeling of her hard nipples brushing against his legs made his dick twitch again. 

She tucked his reawakening cock into his pants and pulled the sheet back up before tying the top over her full breasts again. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ry," she said, kissing his cheek and then leaving the room before he even caught his breath. 

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

The nurses brought him breakfast and more juice. Ryan was so hydrated that he thought he was going to float away.  
  
He couldn’t hide his relief when Sandy and Kirsten arrived after they’d let him change out of the scrubs.  
  
“Hey there,” Sandy grinned, patting him gently on the back. “Ready to blow this joint?”  
  
“Sandy, don’t say blow,” Kirsten scolded, her eyes twinkling. “We’re going to get you home so you can rest. No more joyrides with the social workers,” she added.  
  
“Thank god,” he muttered.  
  
“Seth’s anxious to see you. We had to bribe him to get him to wait for us at home,” Sandy said as he walked beside Ryan. He glanced at him curiously.  
  
“What?”  
  
Sandy flicked at his collar. “Getting frisky with the nurses?” Ryan gave him a look and Sandy mouthed the word ‘hickey’.  
  
Kirsten cleared her throat. “I’ll get the car.” Once she was gone, Sandy turned to face him.  
  
“Do we need to have a safe sex talk?”  
  
“What?” Ryan blinked. “Um, no, I’m all about the safe.”  
  
“Oh, then we just need to have a sex talk, since you know all about the safe,” Sandy countered.  
  
“Sandy…”  
  
“Just…use your head, kid. I don’t want to get all deep into this part of your personal life, but…use your head. Don’t have sex just because you can. It should mean something. All right?”  
  
Ryan nodded and waited for the rest of the lecture.  
  
“And if Kirsten asks, just tell her you’ve decided to wait until marriage. Believe me, you don’t want to hear her thoughts on casual sex. It’s hard to believe she’s a real Newpsie.”  
  
Ryan raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
“I mean…never mind. She’s just protective. She’s always loved Marissa, but now that she’s coming by to see Seth, it’s like a whole new woman. And she’s watching that Roberts girl,” Sandy added.  
  
“I’ll keep that in mind.”  
  
“Are you watching that Roberts girl?” Sandy asked him as they walked out into the sunlight.  
  
“I’m definitely keeping my eye on her,” he grinned.  
  
Sandy chuckled. “There we are.”  
  
Ryan climbed into the front seat when Sandy got into the back before he had a chance to think. He buckled the seat belt.  
  
It was weird, but there wasn’t any of the same tension as their first meetings. Sandy and Kirsten had come back for him. They didn’t let the social worker put him back in juvie or a group home, they’d actually made a stand for him.  
  
It was more than he could say for Dawn.  
  
“We moved all of your things inside and I got you a few more clothes and toiletries,” Kirsten said. “Shoes…”  
  
“She does love to shop,” Sandy grinned from the backseat.  
  
“Thanks,” Ryan said. She’d bought him so much the other day that he couldn’t imagine what else she thought he’d need.  
  
“You still have to pick out how to decorate it. And we need to get you some…things,” she said.  
  
“What things? Didn’t you just say…” Ryan started.  
  
“Seth has comic books, Sandy surfs, I shop, and we haven’t had time to figure out what you like to do. Other than scare us to death,” she joked.  
  
“Do you have hobbies, Ryan? If you were younger, we’d ask you about toys, but…is there anything that you had at your old place that you’d like to have here?” Sandy asked.  
  
Ryan tried to think of anything that he missed about Chino. His brother. Theresa. Nothing tangible that he could go to a store and buy.  
  
“How about a weight bench? Or a…a dartboard? Sandy?” Kirsten looked in the rear view mirror for help.  
  
“I usually just do pull ups. And I’m not sure Seth would be safe around darts,” he said.  
  
They both laughed and Ryan was relieved that he hadn’t gone too far.  
  
“Very true,” Sandy said.  
  
“What about books?” Kirsten asked.  
  
Ryan nodded. “I had a few books. But I’m sure there’s a library nearby…I really can’t think of anything else I need.”  
  
“Well, a bookstore’s a start,” Kirsten replied.  
  


* * *

  
Marissa was expecting Seth, or Summer but she definitely wasn’t expecting Luke and his buddies to be on her doorstep.  
  
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she asked.  
  
“We just wanted to apologize in person,” Chip said quietly, elbowing Luke.  
  
“I was an ass. I cheated on you. If you’d cheated on me, I would have been pissed…I shouldn’t have taken it out on Cohen,” Luke said.  
  
“And even though you’re going to think we’re doing this because our parents are all pissed off, we still wanted to come by. We wouldn’t have fought that kid if we’d known he was already busted up. He sure didn’t fight like a kid with broken ribs,” Dennis added from the back.  
  
“Why are you telling me all this?”  
  
“Because this all started because of you. I was pissed because I saw you having such a good time with Cohen…you were laughing and you weren’t even stoned…” Luke said. “And even if we’re not going out…I still miss seeing you and having you around.”  
  
“Summer has all the best parties, and TJ’s coming up…you guys have to be there,” Chip said, flashing his perfect teeth.  
  
“We’re sorry, Coop. No more trouble. Truce.”  
  
Marissa put her hands on her hips and studied the boys. “I’ll think about it.”  
  
“Sweet. Party at Holly’s tonight. Ryan and Cohen…they won’t have any trouble from us,” Luke promised.  
  
“We’ll have to get used to having them around,” Dennis said.  
  
“Maybe Ryan can teach me that move he fucked you up with,” Chip taunted.  
  
Marissa watched them walk away and smiled when she saw Summer push past them, disgusted. “What are ‘they’ doing here?”  
  
“They declared a truce. Apologized, strangely enough.”  
  
“Weird. You believe them?”  
  
“They invited us to Holly’s tonight. Seth and Ryan inclusive,” Marissa told her, walking with her inside.  
  
“Ryan’s doing much better,” Summer said, sprawling out on the couch.  
  
“How do you know? He’s not home yet,” Marissa asked.  
  
“I paid him a little visit last night at the hospital. Made sure he didn’t get lonely,” she said, smiling mischievously.  
  
“Summer, what are you doing? I thought you said you liked him,” Marissa said.  
  
“I do, what are you talking about?”  
  
Marissa couldn’t believe her friend was being so dense. “You can’t keep sneaking around like that, Kirsten’s going to have your head! If you want to get serious with Ryan, you’ve got to get through the Cohens first. If they think you’re a bad influence…”  
  
“Me?” Summer gasped. “Grown ups love me.”  
  
“Sum.”  
  
She sighed, pouting. “Okay, you’re right. But I just went home and kept thinking about him all alone in that big hospital, and he’d had such a shitty day and we totally got interrupted by Luke’s little posse beating Cohen’s ass…I just wanted to do something nice for him.”  
  
Marissa glanced at Summer. “You really like him.”  
  
“Ugh! Not as much as you like Cohen!” Summer retorted, smacking her with a pillow.  
  


* * *

  
Seth woke up when he heard the front door closed. He’d gotten up entirely too early waiting for Ryan.  
  
“You made it,” he grinned when Ryan appeared, straggling behind his parents.  
  
“Sit down, Ryan. I don’t want you on your feet any more than you have to be. Seth? Are you listening?”  
  
“Got it, Mom,” Seth replied, saluting as Ryan sat down on the couch.  
  
“What’s up?”  
  
“How’re you doing?”  
  
“I’m fine. Your mom just seems to worry a lot.”  
  
“I’m lucky she didn’t make me wear a helmet,” Seth replied.  
  
“You sure you didn’t need it?” Ryan grinned.  
  
“Shut up, I could totally take you right now,” Seth threatened.  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Want to play?”  
  
“Yes, dude, I’ve been waiting all day for someone to ask me that,” Seth laughed, picking up the controller.  
  
Seth was distracted by the opening scenes of the game, but he couldn’t stop glancing at Ryan.  
  
“Why are you looking at me?” Ryan asked, not looking away from the screen.  
  
“Just…it’s good to have you back. I mean, you had us worried.”  
  
“Well, it’s been a while since I had anyone worry about me. It takes some getting used to, I guess,” Ryan muttered.  
  
Seth wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “What happened to your neck?”  
  
Ryan ducked away from his touch but blushed. It was the most unmanly thing Seth had ever seen his friend do. Neat.  
  
“Tell.”  
  
“A gentleman never tells,” Ryan replied.  
  
Seth stared at him.  
  
Finally, Ryan’s face broke into a grin and he leaned over conspiratorially. “Summer came by last night.”  
  
Seth couldn’t help the twinge of envy when he thought about it. Even if Summer wasn’t the girl he’d thought she was, she was still smoking hot. “Yeah?”  
  
“Your dad gave me a lecture,” Ryan added, totally not telling Seth what he wanted to know.  
  
“You had to know that was coming. I mean, didn’t your mom care if you slept around?”  
  
Ryan’s eyes were distant. “I don’t really know what she thought. She knew I had girls, but she liked it better when I didn’t come home, that meant she could party. She didn’t care. Like, everything I learned about girls I learned from my brother.”  
  
“Trey?” Seth asked. He felt a twinge of envy for Ryan’s brother, too. He’d never had a brother to teach him about girls. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t be the oldest virgin in Orange County.  
  
He might be exaggerating a little, but not much.  
  
“Yeah. And he wasn’t exactly the best role model,” Ryan admitted. “I need to find a way to keep your parents happy and keep myself from exploding with sexual frustration.”  
  
Seth didn’t think Ryan would appreciate his creative masturbation tips, because that was a little too much information. “You don’t think you can go without having the sex?”  
  
“I was looking at a lot of time in juvie, so I had to prepare myself for the option. But Summer hasn’t been…exactly frigid. I don’t want to mess up this thing with your parents, though,” Ryan admitted, glancing at him. “I really don’t want to. So if I have to start being a monk…I can do that.”  
  
Seth wasn’t sure, but it sounded like Ryan was asking him for advice. “I hope you’re not going to start praying three times a day or take a vow of silence or anything, because that would really ruin a lot of plans for me.”  
  
“No, dude. I just…need to make some changes, I guess. Learn how to not get into fights. Stop getting laid. Stop getting arrested. Maybe be more like you,” Ryan said with a straight face.  
  
It took a second but Seth finally laughed at Ryan’s joke. “That’s probably the first time anyone’s ever said they wanted to be more like me, I’m honored. Or something.”  
  
Ryan sobered after a moment and refocused on the game.  
  
“Don’t stress, Ryan. We’ll figure out the ‘rents later.”  
  
“I just need to be on my best behavior. And I don’t know if I even have good behavior,” Ryan said.  
  
“Dude. You’re polite and heroic and generally awesome. So you have a little temper and you like to get laid, like, constantly. We just all have to learn how to live in harmony together. We just have to feng shui our house around you.”  
  
“Like I’m furniture?”  
  
“Brooding furniture, yes,” Seth laughed.  
  
“Are you guys all right?” Sandy hurried into the room.  
  
“Is laughing too much strain on him?” Seth asked.  
  
“No, not at all. You all right?”  
  
“I’m fine. Really. Everyone’s just overreacting,” Ryan rolled his eyes, embarrassed by the attention.  
  
“We’re not overreacting, we’re just making sure you’re not wandering off and getting into trouble. No trouble, right?” Sandy clarified, raising an eyebrow and pointing at them.  
  
“Dad, you’ve already fulfilled your quota for lectures for today. We’re playing video games, totally safe and harmless. Inside the house, totally safe,” Seth said.  
  
“Fine. I’m going to head into the office. Your mother’s working from home today. You guys…don’t get into trouble. And that’s the last lecture from me before tonight,” his dad said, ruffling his hair.  
  
“God, Dad, step off,” Seth muttered.  
  
But he didn’t miss the flash of appreciation when his Dad patted Ryan’s shoulder before he left.  
  
Ryan living here was going to be good for all of them.  
  


* * *

  
Marissa rolled her eyes at her friend and rang the doorbell.  
  
“The door’s wide open, Coop,” Summer complained.  
  
“Summer. Good behavior, we talked about this,” Marissa scolded. She was relieved when a smiling Seth answered the door. “Hey.”  
  
“What are you guys doing here?” Seth asked, hesitating, but pulling her into a hug. Seth was so sweet.  
  
“Came to check on the local invalid. How’s Ry?” Summer asked.  
  
“Mom stuffed him full of food and made him go to bed. You guys can come in if you want,” Seth said, leading them inside.  
  
“Thanks,” Marissa said.  
  
“I’m just vegging out and waiting for him to wake up,” Seth said.  
  
“Can I wake him up?” Summer asked him.  
  
“No,” Kirsten answered, joining them in the den. “He needs to rest. But I am glad to see you both,” she added.  
  
Summer gave Marissa a victorious look.  
  
“Cotillion’s coming up and I know that you’re both on the youth board to help plan it and I need to know a few things before I confirm the caterer and florists,” Kirsten said.  
  
“Cotillion?” Seth asked.  
  
“Yes, you have to go. And Ryan, too. I’m sure you ladies have already added him to the list of White Knights?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“Of course,” Marissa lied. She hadn’t touched the Cotillion stuff in months.  
  
“I have to find a dress,” Summer replied. “I forgot all about it,” she said. Marissa glared at her.  
  
“Well, I’m going out tomorrow to get the boys fitted for tuxes, you girls should come with us,” Kirsten offered.  
  
“Tuxes? Mom, do we have to go?” Seth whined. Marissa linked her arm through his.  
  
“Yes,” Marissa said.  
  
“Yes, Seth, you do,” Kirsten said. And you will all be on your best behavior because they’re doing a magazine spread on Newport’s stellar youth culture in Fancy Living magazine,” she added.  
  
“Really?” Summer asked.  
  
“Yes. So, if you girls find the time, email me your notes so I can start the planning. And for now, I’ll leave you alone. But don’t wake Ryan, I mean it.”  
  
Seth gave her a half-hearted salute as she left.  
  
“I forgot all about Cotillion.”  
  
“Luke was supposed to be my date, there’s going to have to be a serious reworking of the pairings,” Marissa said, giving Seth a pointed look.  
  
“Ryan hates wearing a tux,” Seth said. “It’s going to suck.”  
  
“But the parties always kick ass afterwards,” Summer said absently.  
  
“What’s your dad going to say if you take the walk with Ryan?” Marissa asked her, serious.  
  
“God, I hope he’s out of town. But…there’s not really anyone else I’d even consider walking with after this weekend,” Summer admitted, ignoring Seth’s glance.  
  
“Why don’t you want your dad to know? There’s nothing wrong with Ryan,” Seth said.  
  
“I know that, but my Dad, he has very distinct rules for the guys I go out with,” Summer murmured.  
  
Marissa gave Seth a look letting him know that he should drop the subject.  
  
“But getting a dress is the first hurdle,” she said, nodding determinedly.  
  


* * *

  
Kirsten managed not to eavesdrop on Seth and the girls as she walked furtively past them to check on Ryan for herself.  
  
When she’d instructed him to lie down and rest, she’d been surprised to find that he’d dozed off almost immediately.  
  
It just reinforced for her how tired he really was.  
  
She pushed open the door a crack to peek in at him and immediately sensed that something was wrong.  
  
She closed the door behind her once she stepped in and saw him tangled in the covers, trapped in a nightmare.  
  
She immediately started to comfort him like she had done with Seth when he was small, but stopped herself. She knew that Ryan was not Seth and that he would need a different kind of parenting.  
  
She knew that he was no stranger to hurt so she calmly put her hand across his forehead and stroked his hair gently. “Shh…it’s just a bad dream…”  
  
He didn’t settle down, but twisted his face into a grimace. “I’ll be quiet…” he murmured.  
  
She continued stroking his hair and hushing him until he opened his eyes, bright with confusion and looked at her.  
  
“You were having a nightmare,” she said quietly, not moving her hand.  
  
“Sorry,” he replied.  
  
“Not your fault. You’re bound to have lots of unsettled things bouncing around in your head. Nothing to apologize for,” she replied. “You want to try to go back to sleep? Roll over, so you won’t fall back into the same dream.”  
  
“I don’t know why I’m so tired,” he murmured, obediently rolling onto his side.  
  
“You better enjoy this while you can, kid. Seth’s about to pull his hair out with boredom out there. Summer and Marissa stopped by to see you, though. If I thought you’d behave yourself, I’d let them visit with you.”  
  
“Am I quarantined?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.  
  
“No, but I think you need to rest more than you need to ‘hang out’,” she smiled.  
  
Ryan let his half-lidded eyes drift closed again. “Thanks,” he whispered.  
  
She couldn’t ignore the warm feeling that she had just shared a tender moment with the boy. She doubted that he’d have been so docile or kind to Sandy or Seth if they’d woken him.  
  
This boy was growing on her. And it had only been a couple of weeks since she even knew he existed.  
  
“Am I drooling?” he mumbled, aware of her watching him.  
  
“No, I just wanted to make sure you were resting,” she replied, patting his shoulder before slipping back into the hallway.  
  
“I guess I’m not the only girl in Newport with a soft spot for the kid from Chino,” Summer said, startling her.  
  
“He’s…”  
  
“Resting, I know,” Summer replied with a grin, turning away to return to the den.  
  
Kirsten wondered if she’d misjudged Summer after all. She caught up with the girl. “I mean it about shopping tomorrow. I think Ryan could really use some friends around here.”  
  
Summer smiled. “Sure.”  
  


* * *


	11. Chapter 11

Caleb walked through his daughter’s open front door and was startled to hear his grandson’s chuckle from the den.

He loved Seth, but he wasn’t exactly a social butterfly.

Caleb went into the kitchen first, knowing that it was the heart of the house.

“Hi, Dad, I didn’t expect to see you tonight,” Kirsten said, accepting his kiss on her cheek.

“You didn’t call. How’s the boy?” he asked, turning to see who Seth was sitting with in the other room.

“He’s doing okay. The doctors say as long as he takes it easy and lets his ribs heal on their own that he’ll be okay,” Kirsten replied.

He sat down at the stool beside her. “When are you going to tell me the whole story about the kid?”

“Dad…it’s…he’s a part of my family now. For the immediate future. He’s a good kid, he’s just…”

“Don’t say accident prone,” Caleb said.

“What?”

“He was hurt before he came to Seth’s rescue the other night. He was bruised at dinner. Who roughed him up?” he asked.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Mom? Hey, Grandpa,” Seth said, walking in.

“Who are your guests, kid?” he asked, grinning.

Seth seemed surprised. “Um, Marissa and Summer.”

“Did you need something, Seth?” Kirsten asked.

Caleb was proud of Seth for having such pretty girls over. He knew that there was more to Seth than he’d been shown.

“Can we order a pizza? Like, I’ll still eat when Dad gets home,” Seth said.

“Go ahead,” Kirsten replied.

“Are you going to let Ryan get up next time you check on him?” Seth asked as he went to the phone.

“Seth, I know you want to hang out with him, but there’ll be plenty of time for that when he’s better. He really needs to rest,” she replied.

“All right,” Seth replied. “You want some pizza, Grandpa?”

“I might take a slice,” Caleb replied.

“Good man,” Seth said, tapping the counter and leaving.

“That’s new,” he said to Kirsten.

“Yeah. Ryan’s…good for him. Opened him up a lot.”

“He was a skinny little boy,” he told her, looking away to avoid her steady gaze. “His clothes were always too big and he would always help Eva and her daughters clean up. I came in one day and he was sitting with your mother reading her the newspaper. His arm was bandaged and he left as soon as I got there. Your mother said that Eva wouldn’t let him clean that day but didn’t want to leave him alone at his house…”

“Dad…”

“Eva never brought him again. I didn’t know his name and I never asked what happened to him,” Caleb said.

“His mom kicked him out. He stayed for the weekend and Seth got in a fight and I told Sandy to take him home,” she started quietly. “But she’d…moved. He was on the streets for a week. When he found his mom, her boyfriend beat him up. He called Seth and Seth came to us.”

“He seems like a very good kid, Kiki.”

She smiled. “Thanks. I think so, too. He’s grown on me. Given me gray hairs already, though and he’s only been here a few days.”

“Thanks for telling me,” Caleb said. “I won’t say anything to him.”

“We’re going out to buy tuxes for Seth and Ryan tomorrow, Cotillion’s coming up.”

Caleb smiled. “You were beautiful at your Cotillion. Like a little princess.”

She rolled her eyes. “God, it was one of the most horrible experiences of my life. It was awful.”

“But we both still remember it,” Caleb said.

* * *

As much as Seth complained about going shopping with his mom, he was squeeing on the inside.

Not because of the mom element but because he was going to Cotillion with Marissa Cooper.

He was also scared shitless.

What he really needed was to sit down and have an extended conversation with his new brother.

He’d never really dated girls before. Or hung out with girls without it being assigned by a teacher.

He didn’t have any idea what he was doing.

But they’d been at the shop for twenty minutes and Summer was taking up all of Ryan’s attention.

His mom had almost called the whole thing off when Ryan refused to eat breakfast but reconsidered when Marissa and Summer had arrived.

“What is it?” Marissa asked him, startling him from his thoughts. She followed his gaze.

“Nothing, just…”

“Seth, are you still hung up on Summer? I mean…am I, like, second best? Because if so…”

“No, no, Marissa, that’s not what I was thinking at all…I was thinking…”

“What?” she asked, her hands on her hips.

“I was thinking that I need to talk to Ryan to find out how to do this whole…dating thing.”

Marissa’s eyes lit up and Seth got a warm feeling inside knowing that he had made her smile. She really seemed to like him. “We’re dating?” she asked.

“I…I mean…” he stammered. “Yeah. If that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah,” she replied, smiling at him again.

“Seth?” Ryan called from nearby. “Can you help me a minute?”

Seth followed him, curious as to what Ryan would need help with. “What’s up?”

Ryan pulled him into the male dressing area and turned and looked at him. “This is a bad idea.”

“What? You and Summer have been cutesy all morning…”

“I know, but remember what we talked about? How…how I have to be on my best behavior? I mean, your mom’s here and Summer keeps…suggesting things. What am I supposed to do?”

“Chill out, I’m sure Summer isn’t going to try anything with Mom here with us.”

Ryan gave him a doubtful look. “I saw you and Marissa getting pretty cozy over there.”

“I’m her date for Cotillion. That’s…that’s a big deal.”

“What exactly is Cotillion? I’ve never heard of it,” Ryan admitted.

“It’s like an antiquated way of introducing the young ladies of Newport into society. Everyone gets really dressed up and welcome the new ladies into the dating pool.”

“Are you serious? People still do that?” Ryan asked.

“Believe me, Ryan, the Newpsies take any opportunity to show off how rich and special they are,” Seth replied.

“And what am I doing there again?” Ryan asked.

Seth started to explain how he’d have to walk down the stage with his date and waltz, but stopped before he said the first word.

“Seth,” Ryan growled.

“Boys, you better be talking about clothes in there,” his mom called.

“We are,” they both said. Seth grinned.

“I’m taking the girls next door to my seamstress. I’ll be back in a few minutes and I want to see some progress.”

“Okay,” Seth called.

“I’m going to hate this, aren’t I?”

“Yes, but you’ll get through it. It’s going to be, like, a rite of passage. It’ll be…fun.”

“Fun?” Ryan raised an eyebrow at him.

“Well, let’s say…educational, at least.”

* * *

Summer watched Kirsten arrange the ruffles on the prospective dress disapprovingly.

Usually, Summer tagged along with Marissa and Julie to get gowns for the Newport events. It wasn’t like her dad or stepmom had time to help her pick out clothes.

But Kirsten was definitely not Julie Cooper. She was paying special attention to both the girls, making sure that the saleslady showed them *all* of the gowns that were available.

Marissa had already settled on a flattering off-white gown with a silk shawl to cover her bare back. Kirsten had quickly dispatched her back to the men’s side to supervise Seth and Ryan’s tuxedo progress.

But Summer couldn’t find anything she liked.

“Oh this one looks promising,” Kirsten said, picking a dress off a new rack that the lady had rolled out.

Summer had to agree with her, it was a gorgeous gown. She quickly went into the dressing room to try it on.

“You’ll need a nice set of pearls and maybe you can put those little flowers in your hair like you did at last year’s charity auction at the hospital.”

Summer was surprised that Kirsten remembered that. Her dad had used up a roll of film at that party and not one shot had been of her. “I think I still have those somewhere.”

She smoothed the dress over her hips and smiled at the way the dress seemed ‘made for her’.

She stepped out and Kirsten smiled her acknowledgement and it made Summer feel warm inside.

Kirsten was a really nice mother.

She’d started to see Marissa’s point about Ryan. He was really trying to change his life, he wanted to be worthy of parents like Sandy and Kirsten.

She stood in front of the mirror and Kirsten stood behind her and twisted up her hair to imitate how the gown would look with her hair off her shoulders.

“What do you think?” Kirsten asked.

“Perfect,” Summer admitted, smiling.

“I’ll be at the club early to help set up, so if you need any help for your hair, just let me know. I used to fix my sister’s hair when we were growing up, but Seth just isn’t the dress up type,” Kirsten said.

Summer laughed. “Guess not.”

Marissa appeared. “They’re ready, Kirsten.”

“All right. We’ll meet you girls out front. Maybe if you promise to be careful, I’ll let you and the boys go out to lunch.”

Marissa’s smile was wide. “Okay, that would be great.”

“But not too long. Ryan still needs his rest.”

“We’ll make sure he eats something,” Summer promised before Kirsten could say it.

As soon as she left, Marissa turned to her. “Nice dress, that looks great.”

“Thanks. Kirsten helped me find it,” she said.

“She’s really nice. I mean, I always knew she was nice, but could you imagine my mom acting like her?” Marissa scoffed.

“Yeah. Julie’s not exactly the nurturing type,” Summer agreed, ducking back into the changing room to put on her shorts and top again. “This was actually okay, hanging out with her today. And Ryan…”

“Is way into you,” Marissa said.

“You think?”

“Seth told me. Said you’re driving him wild and he’s worried about losing control. He’s taken a vow of celibacy or something.”

Summer slung the door open. “What?”

* * *

Ryan was leaning against the wall of the booth, his arm lazily around Summer’s tanned shoulders.

Marissa and Seth were across from them, fighting for the ketchup bowl with their fries.

“You alright?” Summer asked, looking up at him with those brown bedroom eyes.

“Yeah,” he replied honestly. He was reasonably mellow from the vicoden and the pain was definitely manageable.

It was worth it to be sitting in a public place without hiding from cops or people looking to kick his ass.

“You are supposed to eat something, you promised Kirsten,” she said, motioning to his burger and chips in front of him.

“I don’t want it,” he sighed, honestly. The pills were nice, but he didn’t want to mix food with his buzz. He was too prone to nausea.

“Dude, you’re being ridiculous, you have to eat something,” Seth said.

“Don’t start,” Ryan warned. As much as he liked Newport, the constant nagging about what was right for him was starting to bother him. H

“God, aren’t there any other places in Newport they can eat?” Marissa said, nodding toward the aisle where Luke and Chip were approaching.

Seth glanced at him and Summer stiffened under his arm. She was like a cat rearing up to hiss.

“Hey,” Ryan said suddenly, causing his friends to glance at him in surprise.

“Hey,” Luke replied.

“Thanks for your help the other night,” Ryan said. He knew the rules of a fight. Luke didn’t run off like a coward, he’d stayed and made sure he was alive.

Luke’s face was red but he shrugged. “No problem. And, well, it was my fault in the first place.”

“We didn’t know you were fucked up already,” Chip said quietly. “But it was still a shitty thing to do.”

“I was being a jealous prick.” Luke glanced at Seth. “Sorry, Cohen. If Marissa thinks you’re all right…then I believe her.”

Seth didn’t say anything, he was speechless for the first time since Ryan had met him.

“What the hell are you guys trying to prove?” Summer demanded.

“Summer…”

“No, you’re bullies, you’re assholes…” Summer started.

“Then you’re a hypocrite,” Chip snapped back suddenly. “’Cause you’ve been on the sidelines cheering us on a few times yourself. We’re apologizing because we like partying with you and Coop and all this bitching sucks.”

“Chill, Summer, it’s cool. They apologized, it’s not like I’ve never beat up some guy for messing with one of my girlfriends,” Ryan said.

“Girlfriends?” Summer asked, turning to face him.

“So, truce?” Luke asked.

Marissa glanced at Seth who immediately glanced at Ryan.

“Yeah, truce,” Marissa said.

“Sweet,” Chip replied. “There’s a party at Holly’s tonight…”

“Wasn’t there a party at Holly’s last night?” Summer scoffed, still looking at Ryan.

“So?” Luke asked.

“We’ll think about it,” Summer said.

Ryan looked to make sure Seth was cool with what had just happened and was impressed to see him kissing Marissa like he’d been making out for years.

“That looks like it would be more fun if we were doing it,” Summer said, blowing in his ear.

“I don’t think so, Summer,” he replied, his dick twitching and pressing against his jeans as she moved her hand to rest on his inner thigh.

“Coop told me you were trying to be celibate,” she murmured, kissing the flesh below his ear, her tongue licking his skin as her lips danced on his neck.

“Just trying not to fuck this Newport stuff up,” he replied, forcing himself to lean further into the corner.

“I get it, but…we don’t have to go all the way…” she whispered, keeping her hand insistently against his hard on, pressing down with her palm over his zipper but discreetly under the table.

“Um, Seth? We’re going to go…”

“To the bathroom. Be right back,” Summer finished, taking his hand and guiding him out of the booth before Seth or Marissa could reply.

Luckily, the bathrooms were single serve only and remarkably clean and the ladies room opened up first.

Ryan grunted in pain as she pushed him against the wall beside the paper towel dispenser and got to her knees in front of him.

“Sorry,” she said, unzipping him.

“Summer…”

“Shh, I don’t want to get kicked out, just let me do this for you,” she said.

“I like hanging out with you even when you don’t have my dick in your mouth,” Ryan said.

She looked up at him, startled. “Ryan…”

“What I mean is, you don’t have to do this. I…I really like sleeping with you, but…I like being your friend, too.” He knew that his dick was going to punish him for this.

“Oh. Oh,” Summer said, standing up.

Ryan zipped up his pants and tried to urge his cock to behave itself.

“The Cohens are being really good to me and I need to learn how to follow their rules. Which means…moderation.”

“Moderation?” Summer asked, wrapping her arms around him loosely so not to hurt his ribs.

“Yeah,” he replied, kissing her soft lips.

“I can deal,” she murmured into his mouth.

* * *

“Mom?” Kirsten heard Seth close the door from the kitchen.

“In here,” she replied.

Seth arrived first, the same elated expression on his face that he’d had since Ryan had come back from the hospital.

Ryan straggled in behind him, his hair mussed wearing his usual ‘post-Summer’ glaze on his face. Beneath that, she could see the layer of exhaustion.

“We’re home safe, see?” Seth did a dramatic pirouette on his way to the fridge.

“I’m very proud,” she smiled. “Ryan?”

“Still breathing,” the boy replied quietly, sitting down carefully at the opposite end of the counter. “I think I need a time out.”

“Go lie down, I’ll bring you your medicine and some soup to soothe your stomach, okay?”

He patted Seth kindly on the back and shuffled to his new room.

“He didn’t eat anything for lunch, he said he couldn’t,” Seth admitted quietly.

“He just needs to rest,” she replied.

“Are we still grounded?” Seth asked suddenly.

“Why?” she asked.

“Well, Marissa and Summer wanted me to ask if we could hang out with them tonight. And I told them that we were grounded, but since we had such a non-eventful day, I thought maybe you’d trust that we’d be all right to go out,” he said.

“Seth, Ryan isn’t in any shape…”

“It would be sitting down kind of hanging out. Just, with less suffocating parental supervision. Please, Mom?” Seth asked, blinking his big brown eyes at her pleadingly.

“I don’t think so, Seth…” she sighed. Ryan wasn’t supposed to be up and around and the girls, no matter how well-intentioned, seemed to draw trouble to her son and charge.

“Please? We’ll be fine, I promise and it’ll be good for Ryan. He’s really worried about disappointing you guys and if it seems like you trust us, it’ll make him more comfortable.”

“You’re being facetious, Seth. But we’ll see how he feels later tonight,” Kirsten conceded.

“Sweet, I’ll make sure and ask again,” Seth grinned. “Now, I’m going to see what I have to wear.”

She rolled her eyes as he trotted out of the kitchen.

She gathered Ryan’s prescriptions and a bottle of juice and put the container of soup that Rosa had made in the microwave to warm up.

Ryan had changed out of his jeans into a set of sweatpants and familiar white tank top. He glanced up at her with a sigh, accepting the pills and swallowing them.

“Seth wants me to lift your grounding so you can go out with the girls tonight,” she said.

Ryan gave her a studying look before carefully responding, “Seth really likes Marissa.”

“I kind of noticed that. Do you feel up to going out tonight?”

He rubbed his eyes and barely hid his yawn. “Is it up to me?”

“No. But I’d be more willing to consider it if you’d eat something and could convince me you felt better.”

“I’ll try,” he said.

“Good. Soup and then you can nap.”

“Nap?” he questioned.

“Yes, nap. Before dinner.”

* * *

Marissa had taken Seth’s hand tightly as they walked up the stairs of Holly’s beach house.

There were a few girls leaning over the railing sharing a cigarette and she could see the curiosity and need for gossip in their eyes.

But they had to get through this. If these people were Marissa and Summer’s real friends, then they would understand Marissa liked Seth Cohen.

“Hey, Coop,” one of the girls said.

“Hey, Linda,” she replied.

“That was weird,” Seth whispered in her ear. “Shouldn’t we wait for Ryan?”

“They’re, like, ten steps behind us,” Marissa said. Seth was nervous but she was going to make sure he had a good time.

“You made it,” Luke called from the kitchen. Holly stiffened, but her eyes weren’t angry.

“Yeah, we did. Luke said it was cool,” she said to Holly.

Seth seemed to realize finally that she was facing her demons head on.

Marissa had been friends with Holly almost as long as Summer and even though she’d had a lot of things in her head lately, the betrayal of Holly sleeping with her boyfriend had really hurt. Seth squeezed her hand.

She had asked Summer to hang back and let her do this on her own. Well, and with Seth. He had to have a little more confidence around her friends and she needed him to know that she was here for him, too.

“Yeah, it’s cool. I’m…I’m sorry, Coop,” Holly said, her cheeks red.

“I hope so,” Marissa replied. She glanced at Luke. “But you guys really hurt me, I thought you guys were my friends.”

Luke started to say something but stopped.

“But as long as you don’t do it again, then we should be able to get over it, right?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. It was a mistake,” Holly said.

The tension was still thick in the kitchen but everyone turned when Ryan stepped into the room. He glanced at them, bemused for a moment before going to the counter and grabbing a bottle of soda. “Summer said there was a pool table around here?”

“Yeah, downstairs,” Luke answered, relaxing slightly. “I’ll show you.”

Ryan tossed a bottle to Seth who managed to catch it, even to his own surprise. “Thanks,” Ryan told Luke.

Seth followed them, holding fast to her hand and she paused and turned to Holly. “Are you coming?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, grabbing a bottle of vodka. “We should talk things out. I’ve really missed you.”

* * *

The party didn’t really start up until around midnight and Seth and Ryan were already late for curfew when Seth’s phone started to vibrate on his hip.

Marissa was thoroughly enjoying herself by the bar in the corner of the gameroom and Seth was sitting beside Ryan on the couch playing video games with some of the jocks.

Ryan was distracted by Summer’s’ drunken lips attached to his neck, but he glanced over when Seth raised the phone.

“Hello?”

“You’re late. Not exactly inspiring trust from the people that gave you permission to go out tonight. Are you on your way home?” his dad barked in his ear.

“Um, yeah, we’re almost there now, we just had some time issues,” Seth lied, nodding at Ryan and handing off his controller.

“Are you okay to drive?” his dad asked quietly.

“Yeah, we’re fine, see you in a few minutes,” Seth said.

“Summer, I’ve got to go,” Ryan mumbled into Summer’s ear, but she leaned her head back and smiled at him, shaking her head.

“No. You’re not going anywhere,” she slurred.

“I’ll take care of her,” Marissa said, walking over and kissing Seth once he got to his feet.

Seth tasted the harsh taste of the alcohol on her breath and it wasn’t exactly what he was expecting.

He’d stayed sober because he was in charge of the Rover and his parents had drilled him full of drunk-driving warnings.

But Marissa was almost as wasted as Summer and he wasn’t finding the whole ‘Tara Reid’ vibe that attractive.

Ryan had finally managed to get to his feet, maneuvering Summer onto the couch despite her pout.

“You can call me tomorrow,” Ryan said, leaning forward and kissing her forehead.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, too,” Marissa whispered in his ear.

“’Kay,” Seth replied, following Ryan up the stairs and through the pulsing party.

“Drive safe,” Marissa called from the porch.

“You, too,” Seth replied.

Ryan let out a long yawn once he’d pulled onto the street. “Your mom or your dad?” he asked.

“Dad. We’re late. I didn’t even check the clock,” Seth admitted.

“Parties like that are not good for the whole cleaning up my act thing. I can’t smoke because of my probation and I can’t drink on these painkillers. And now I need a cold shower,” Ryan muttered.

Seth laughed. “The whole thing’s just really surreal. Like, after years of being a leper at my school, Marissa Cooper’s approval gets me an ‘in’ to the clique. And it’s…much drunker than I ever imagined.”

Ryan shrugged. “They’re kids trying to have a good time. But yes, they were drunk.”

“I guess, I just would’ve had more fun if Marissa hadn’t been so wasted.”

Ryan was silent as Seth pulled through the gate. “I know exactly what you mean,” he said quietly.

* * *

Summer got up around noon and stepped into her fuzzy slippers and started downstairs to find some food and hopefully aspirin. Marissa didn’t stir from under the covers in the far side of the large bed.

She was surprised to see her father sitting at the kitchen table.

“Daddy, hey,” she said.

“God, you look a mess, sweetheart,” he said, kissing her cheek. “It’s almost lunchtime.”

“Sorry, still need beauty sleep, I guess,” she said, combing her hair down with her fingers.

“Your Cotillion dress was delivered this morning. Who’s your escort?” he asked, folding his newspaper down with the picture of him signing a contract for the new Children’s Wing at the hospital.

“Um, we haven’t finalized the list of White Knights, yet. People are still signing up,” she replied.

“I try not to interfere in your private life, sweetie, as long as it stays private. But I’ve heard things about you and this boy the Cohens have brought into the community. I understand all about charity and I admire them for taking their philanthropism to this level, but I don’t want you seen with him when his value is still in question.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Besides the fact that you’re involved with the senator’s son. Zach Stevens, remember him? The boy that’s desperately in love with you and writes you letters every week,” her dad replied.

Summer turned her back on him and went to find her cereal.

“You need to start acting like a lady and not a whore!”

She was too hungover to deal with this right now. She grabbed the box and stomped upstairs.

Marissa was standing at the door. “You okay?”

“Yeah, fine. But I forgot the aspirin,” she replied.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

“Hey,” Ryan said, sitting down in the kitchen with Sandy.  
  
“Hey, kid,” Sandy smiled. Ryan was slowly settling into the house and had even started going into the living room and to the fridge without asking permission first. “How’re you doing?”  
  
“Good. I’m doing good,” Ryan replied. Sandy knew that he was unlikely to ever admit if he was uncomfortable.  
  
“I’m glad. Bringing you home seems like one of the best ideas I’ve had in a while. But we do need to have a talk.”  
  
Ryan immediately tensed up.  
  
“It’s not a lecture, I promise. But it’s serious.”  
  
“Okay,” Ryan said, lowering his gaze. “It’s time to start thinking about where to enroll you for school. Seth goes to Harbor…”  
  
“Isn’t that a private school?” Ryan asked immediately.  
  
“Yes, but your test scores are high enough…”  
  
“But it’s expensive…”  
  
Sandy had hoped that Ryan wouldn’t bring up the money element. “Money isn’t important. Your education is important. And Seth and the girls all go there.”  
  
“I dunno,” Ryan hedged.  
  
“Come with us to orientation and just feel it out. I’ve told some of the teachers about you and…”  
  
“Why would you talk about me with teachers?” Ryan asked, confused.  
  
Sandy smiled, realizing that Ryan kept teachers on the same rung in his head as cops. He didn’t trust them. “Your test scores are phenomenal, kid.”  
  
“It’s a fluke,” Ryan scoffed. “I’m a lousy student.”  
  
“Ryan,” Sandy snorted.  
  
“I’ve never really thought about stuff like school. I only took the SAT’s because one of Trey’s girlfriends paid for it,” Ryan said.  
  
“What do you want to do with your life? Your future?” Sandy asked.  
  
Ryan smiled slightly. “Stay out of jail.”  
  
“Come on, there’s got to be something more,” Sandy urged.  
  
Ryan fumbled with his coffee mug. “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it, honestly. Get a job. Get out of Chino. Those have always been my goals.”  
  
Sandy hated to see that Ryan’s ambitions were so low. “I want you to start thinking about your future. Harbor will expose you to a lot of opportunities.”  
  
“All right,” Ryan sighed.  
  
“Good. You have a placement exam tomorrow, but I don’t want you to worry about it, just do your best. You have a few weeks to think about it. Are you excited about Cotillion?” he asked, happy to take Ryan’s quiet agreement and drop the subject.  
  
“Wearing a tux and parading around in front of the Newpsies? I’m giddy with anticipation,” he replied dryly.  
  
“It won’t be that bad.”  
  
“I have to go to some kind of rehearsal tonight. Seth won’t tell me what to expect,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Ah. Well, they’ll probably just walk you through your stage walk and your dance.”  
  
“My dance?”  
  
“Yeah. After all the debs walk across the stage and are introduced, there’s a waltz. Then everyone eats and socializes.”  
  
“Socialize. Waltz. Like my own little circle of hell,” Ryan muttered.  
  
Sandy chuckled. “It’ll be over before you even have time to hate it.”  
  
Ryan smirked at him.  
  


* * *

  
Summer knew she had to talk to Ryan. The rehearsal for Cotillion was later that afternoon and even though she’d spent every day with the spellbinding boy, she hadn’t told him that he couldn’t be her date. She’d managed to delicately avoid the issue.  
  
Summer really liked Ryan.  
  
She’d fallen for him. Hard.  
  
Hell, she’d been spending time with Ryan and not even sleeping with him!  
  
She had to tell him the truth.  
  
“Hey,” she said, finding him on the patio.  
  
He was drinking coffee in a tank top and shorts, his bruised finally faded and his skin a golden tan.  
  
“Hey. What are you doing here?”  
  
“We need to talk. Or else, just, I need to talk to you,” she said.  
  
He pushed his chair back and she took her familiar seat on his lap.  
  
She couldn’t keep herself from touching him. She pushed his hair back out of his eyes and then leaned in close for a kiss. She loved kissing him.  
  
“What’s up?” He asked after she paused. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“How do you know something’s wrong?” she asked.  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her, his blue eyes seeing right through her.  
  
“You’re right. It’s about Cotillion. Coop and Seth are going together and Holly and Luke…but my dad…I can’t go with you, Ryan,” she said, her voice fading at the end, but she could see that he heard every word.  
  
“Okay,” he said carefully.  
  
“I mean…”  
  
“I guess you should tell me about your dad,” he whispered, keeping his arms around her.  
  
“He’s on the board at the hospital. He’s, like, their spokesman so he’s always in the paper and stuff. He, kind of, needs me to be ‘little miss perfect’ sometimes…” she said.  
  
“Okay. So, you’re not ashamed to be seen with me?” Ryan questioned.  
  
“No, Ryan,” she said. “Everybody knows already that we’re dating. I don’t care what people think…but my dad does. He knows we’re seeing each other.”  
  
“He asked you not to go with me?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Yeah,” she admitted.  
  
Ryan was quiet for a long moment.  
  
“Ryan? I…it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”  
  
He kissed her neck softly. “How do you feel about me?”  
  
“I…” she started, leaning her head back to let him kiss more of her nick. “I really like you…you drive me crazy…”  
  
He laughed in his husky voice. “I know that feeling.”  
  
“Are you mad?” she asked, searching his face.  
  
“He’s your Dad, Summer. I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me. I mean, if you’re slumming with me…”  
  
“I’m not,” Summer said immediately.  
  
“I guess if you were just using me to get back at your dad then you’d be all about me going with you,” Ryan replied. She still couldn’t read his face. “But I do understand that you live with your father and not with me. He has a lot of control over your life and I would never intentionally make things hard for you.”  
  
She wrapped her arms around his body and buried her face in his shoulder. “I don’t know what to say…” She was touched. She knew now…that he really cared about her.  
  
“Do I still have to go to the stupid party?” he asked.  
  
She leaned back and lifted his chin to look into his eyes. “Yes. Because I want to leave with you. And we’re going to talk about this pesky no-sex promise…”  
  


* * *

  
Ryan didn’t have a chance to talk to Seth about Summer’s confession because Caleb came by to take them to the yacht club.  
  
Seth had gone off to do his sailing lesson, reluctant to leave Ryan alone with Caleb unsupervised. But Caleb had made a special trip to drive them and wanted to have ‘some time’ with his ‘new grandson’.  
  
He was a little wary of Kirsten’s father’s interest. He was actually coming to terms with the Cohen’s genuine feelings toward him and he wasn’t sure how to interpret Caleb’s cool interest.  
  
“Come on, let’s go have a seat. I promised Kiki I’d keep you off your feet,” he said.  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes. His bruises were almost gone and he’d started chucking the painkillers again but the Cohens were still paranoid about his health. He could just picture Trey or Dawn’s face laughing if they knew how much he was babied here.  
  
He followed him into the club and he saw immediately how everyone in the room took notice of him. Caleb Nichols was clearly a big dog in town.  
  
“Mr. Nichols, what can I get for you and your guest?” A waiter asked as soon as they sat down at a table by the window.  
  
“Coffee?” Ryan asked, hesitant.  
  
“Two, please, Ralph. Thanks,” Caleb said.  
  
Ryan tried to relax but he was not cut out for making small talk with men like Caleb.  
  
“Don’t be nervous. I just want to get to know you. It’s not often a man would get a new family member that’s already almost a man,” Caleb said. “Tell me about yourself.”  
  
“With all due respect…hasn’t Kirsten already told you?”  
  
“Not much. Just that you’re a good kid. Rough past. But do you sail? Like Seth?”  
  
Ryan shrugged. “Not really. He took me once, I guess that was the first time.”  
  
The table was silent as the waiter brought their coffee.  
  
“I really like your work,” Ryan said quietly, unable to take the silence for once.  
  
“My work?”  
  
“The baseball stadium and the Pacific Auditorium,” Ryan replied.  
  
Caleb smiled. “Ah. The Newport Group. What do you like about them?”  
  
He took a sip of the coffee, thinking. “I really like the archway at the Pacific,” he said finally. “The architect, he does really great things. I used to want to be an architect.”  
  
“What do you want to be now?”  
  
“17,” he replied after a beat.  
  
“Harbor is going to be very good for you. You’ll have to come down to the Newport Group and let me show you around one day,” Caleb said.  
  
Ryan didn’t show his excitement, but he’d always wanted to see how the Newport Group functioned. “I worked construction a couple of summers. I think I poured the foundation on one of your apartment complexes,” he admitted.  
  
Caleb seemed surprised. “Hard work for a kid.”  
  
Ryan looked out the window at the marina. “Hard work keeps me out of trouble. Pays the bills.”  
  
“You shouldn’t have bills,” Caleb replied.  
  
“It’s weird,” Ryan confessed. “I’m at the Orange County Yacht Club. I should be washing dishes in the kitchen.”  
  
“You’ve got to set your sights higher now, kid. You’ve earned your right to be here, in your own way. You are just as good as everyone in this place.”  
  
Ryan smiled at his attempt at a pep talk.  
  
“All right. So, architecture. Kirsten will be elated. Seth doesn’t really have that much in common with me or his parents. But you’ve really brought him out of his shell.”  
  
“He’s been a good friend to me,” Ryan said. “Sandy and Kirsten, too.”  
  
“Well, you’re going to be sticking around awhile, that’s good,” Caleb said. “Do you golf?”  
  
Ryan scoffed. “No, sir. Soccer and baseball, but never really played a full season.”  
  
Caleb let the comment slide. “How are you feeling?”  
  
“Okay. I’ve had worse,” Ryan shrugged. He didn’t know why all these personal confessions were slipping out. He was going soft around the old man. He needed to rein in his words.  
  
“Before…when I knew you. What happened to you then?” Caleb asked, quietly, not looking at him for eye contact.  
  
“Fell down some stairs.”  
  
Caleb nodded. “Those stairs have tattoos?”  
  
Ryan couldn’t hide his smile.  
  
“Fine, fine. Too soon. We’ll have to go out on the yacht soon, you and Seth can bring your girls.”  
  
“What do you know about the girls?” Ryan asked suspiciously. He’d assumed Summer was overreacting when she said everyone knew about them.  
  
Caleb chuckled. “I saw them over visiting the other night while you were resting.”  
  
“They’re nice,” Ryan admitted.  
  
“Do you miss your mother?” Caleb asked suddenly.  
  
Ryan was confused as to where the question came from but didn’t reply immediately. “Sometimes,” he said finally.  
  
It must’ve been the right answer somehow because Caleb was smiling at him kindly when he looked up and waved over the waiter to order entirely too much food.  
  
Newport was always going to be surreal to Ryan.  
  


* * *

  
“What’s up?” Seth asked, sprawling across Ryan’s bed in the guest room.  
  
“What?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Something is going on with you. And it doesn’t seem to be Grandpa’s effect either. So spill,” Seth said, propping up on his elbow and facing his friend.  
  
Since Ryan spent 75% of his time brooding already, Seth had to find a way to optimize his time with him. Seth seemed to be on a permanent high since Marissa had asked him to Cotillion and he wanted Ryan to be happy, too.  
  
“It’s nothing,” Ryan muttered.  
  
“Ah, but it is definitely something. Come on, share with the rest of the class. How can I give you stellar advice if I don’t know what I’m advising you about?” Seth asked, patting the bed.  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes but sat down in the chair across from him, tapping his fingers on the armrests. “Summer came to see me today before we went to lunch with your grandpa.”  
  
“Yeah? And?” Seth asked, when Ryan didn’t continue.  
  
“She said she can’t go with me to Cotillion,” Ryan replied, shrugging. “And even though it’s not a big deal, because I really don’t want to go anyway…it still kind of hurts a little. I mean…I don’t know, Seth..”  
  
Seth waited impatiently to hear Ryan’s explanation. Because he was pissed off at Summer already and needed Ryan to tell him why he shouldn’t be.  
  
“We’re not, like, boyfriend and girlfriend, you know? But I’m not really seeing anyone else and as far as I know, neither is she. And I like her…I mean, I would have argued my way out of going to this stupid thing if it wasn’t for her.”  
  
“Why can’t she go with you?” Seth asked.  
  
“Her dad. Seems like he’s got a lot to say about who she is seen with in public. And I’m not on that list, yet,” Ryan admitted. “And she was honest with me about it…but it still hurts a little.”  
  
“Dude, this sucks. I mean, now you have to go and watch her hang all over some Newport guy that her dad approves of?” Seth asked.  
  
“It’s…not a big deal.”  
  
“Yeah, dude, it kind of is,” Seth replied. “I mean, it is a big deal. You shouldn’t let her use you like that. She’s what, going to pretend you don’t know her?”  
  
Ryan shrugged with a sigh. “I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never been the guy that met the parents, I was usually the guy crawling out the window when the parents got home,” he smirked. “And she lives with her Dad, he’s in charge of her life, Seth. If I make a fuss about this stupid Cotillion and she gets grounded…I don’t want to be responsible for her having trouble at home. It’ll be easier for all of us if I just sit it out.”  
  
“You’re not going to Cotillion?”  
  
“I don’t think so. You can tell Marissa for me, can’t you?” Ryan asked.  
  
“No way, dude. You want to back out, you’re going to have to do it yourself. Come on, we’re running late for the rehearsal anyway,” Seth said.  
  
“Seth…”  
  
“No, she wants to ditch you? Well, you’re not hiding from her. You’re going to go and dance with the girl that they assign to you and you’re going to make her jealous as hell,” Seth said.  
  
Ryan smiled at him and Seth knew that he was getting the hang of this ‘friend’ thing.  
  


* * *

  
“You are really bad at this,” Anna told Ryan as they waltzed past her again.  
  
Summer rolled her eyes when Ryan laughed.  
  
“Ow, can you please stop stomping on my foot? I have to play softball this weekend,” Chip frowned at her.  
  
She couldn’t help it. She’d done what her dad had asked, she wasn’t going to Cotillion with Ryan, but this was like twisting the knife that she’d stabbed into her own back.  
  
Marissa had promised to pair Ryan with someone non-threatening, but Anna Stern was not turning out to be the geeky little wallflower she expected.  
  
Ryan was laughing. He had his hands on her waist. She was touching him.  
  
And Summer wanted to spit nails.  
  
“Ow, Goddammit!” Chip said, releasing her and throwing his hands up. “You either take those pointy shoes off right now or I’m out.”  
  
“You’re such a baby,” Summer said, reluctantly stepping out of her heels and regretting the inches she lost off her height. She put her hands back on Chip’s shoulders.  
  
“What’s your deal anyway? I mean, I would’ve asked you to Cotillion if I hadn’t known you were into Chino. Are you back on the market?” Chip asked.  
  
“No, wait, what?” she asked.  
  
Chip grinned. “Come on, you’re all over the guy. And despite my original theory, he’s a pretty okay guy. Hell, even Luke likes him. So if things have changed and you’re hating him now, it’s going to be hard to swing us back on the other side of things, you know, the whole ass-kicking side.”  
  
“Shut up,” she muttered, not wanting to have to explain herself.  
  
“Did he do something to you?” Chip asked.  
  
“No. My dad…he doesn’t want me going with Ryan. I’m not sure how you got to be a better option, though,” she replied, dryly, watching as the dance instructor gave Ryan and Anna a special lecture across the room. “And even though he says he’s cool with it…I don’t like the way she’s pawing on him…I mean, look at her…god, she’s hanging all over him,” Summer whispered.  
  
“Summer, I don’t see her doing anything different with him than you’re doing with me. We’re dancing, you know all the important stuff happens after the dance,” Chip laughed.  
  
“You’re such an asshole,” she snapped.  
  
“You’re one to talk. Letting your boyfriend twist in the wind because your Daddy said so. Let’s just make the best of this okay?” Chip asked, dropping his joking tone.  
  
“Sorry, Chip. I’m just bitchy,” Summer sighed. Chip wasn’t a bad guy. Airheaded, yes, but not a bad guy.  
  
“I see that,” Chip replied.  
  
Summer glanced behind him and saw Coop and Seth kissing while they danced in rhythm to the music. Behind them, Anna and Ryan were laughing together, out of step despite the instructor’s guidance.  
  
“I need a time out,” Summer said as soon as the instructor left Ryan and Anna’s side. She hurried over and tapped him on his shoulder.  
  
“Hey. Do you know Anna?” Ryan asked, startled as he turned.  
  
“Yeah, we’ve met,” Summer replied as evenly as she could manage through her rage. “Can I talk to you?”  
  
She pulled him by his arm out of the room onto the sidewalk.  
  
“Summer…” he started, confused, but she didn’t give him a chance to finish.  
  
“I don’t like this,” she said, pushing him against the wall forcefully and blocking his way with her hands on his hips.  
  
“Wasn’t this your idea?” Ryan replied, glancing around.  
  
“Yes, but this…”  
  
“Look, Summer, this seems to be overly complicated. I tried to back out already and Marissa said that Anna wouldn’t have anyone to escort her if I dropped out…” Ryan interrupted. “I thought this is what you wanted? You get to be fancy for your dad, and Anna seems nice, so I get a new friend…”  
  
“She’s hitting on you,” Summer stated.  
  
“We’re making small talk, Summer. I’m lucky that she isn’t running for the hills after seeing my dance talent,” he joked. He looked past her, his face wrinkling in confusion.  
  
She turned and recognized Julie Cooper in the parking lot.  
  
“Isn’t that…” Ryan started.  
  
“Yeah,” Summer whispered when she realized that Julie was kissing the gardener.  
  
“Is that Mr. Cooper?” Ryan asked quietly.  
  
“No, it’s not,” Summer replied.  
  
The gardener turned away from her and Julie slapped him on the ass playfully before climbing into her Mercedes.  
  
“We did not just see that,” Summer stated.  
  
“Guys, what are you doing out here? Anna just kicked Chip in the nuts, you really have to come back,” Marissa said, walking out.  
  
“Nothing, we’re not doing anything, just talking…let’s go, Coop,” Summer said immediately, taking her best friend’s arm and pulling her back into the building.  
  
Marissa couldn’t handle knowing that her mother was a whore. Summer was going to make sure that she didn’t find out.  
  
Her priorities had shifted. She knew how much Marissa loved her father and had problems with her mother, but she’d never expected Julie to cheat on Jimmy.  
  
Marissa would flip, that much she was sure of.  
  
She could deal with Anna. But she was going to need to think long and hard to deal with Julie Cooper.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan had ended up staying after the rehearsal to help put things away with the other ‘white knights’ as they were called, and was pleased to see that Luke and his buddies were civil to him. Even friendly.  
  
Seth ended up off with Marissa and Summer helping them with something so he was sitting with Luke in the lobby of the center waiting for them to finish.  
  
Luke reached over and nudged him, nodding toward the door where two men were arguing.  
  
“Who’s that?” Ryan asked.  
  
“That’s Marissa’s dad, Jimmy. And that’s Holly’s dad yelling at him,” Luke said.  
  
“Wonder what that’s all about?” Ryan asked.  
  
“My dad says that Jimmy’s broke and isn’t telling anyone. He’s some kind of broker and lots of people have invested with him, but a few months ago, something changed. Dad says that it must be big. Don’t tell Marissa,” Luke added.  
  
“No problem,” Ryan shrugged, curious as to why Luke was confiding in him.  
  
“She really loves her dad,” Luke added.  
  
Then Holly’s father punched Jimmy in the face and knocked him to the ground.  
  
Luke glanced at him for a beat and Ryan instinctively followed him outside to break up the fight.  
  
By the time they got to the men, Jimmy’s nose was bleeding and Mr. Fisher was hitting him in the stomach. Luke pulled him off the smaller man while Ryan tried to pull Jimmy out of the man’s reach.  
  
“Stop it, god, what are you, like our age?” Luke muttered, holding Mr. Fisher back.  
  
“You’re going to pay for this, Cooper. Mark my words, you’ll pay,” he said, jerking out of Luke’s grip and storming inside.  
  
“You all right?” Ryan asked, helping Jimmy back to his feet.  
  
“Yeah…I’m going to go get cleaned up, you guys…don’t say anything to Marissa about this, okay?”  
  
“No problem,” Luke replied.  
  
As soon as he was gone, Ryan turned to Luke. “Didn’t seem like this is the first time he’s asked you to lie to Marissa.”  
  
Luke shrugged. “Her family’s complicated. Like, more than she knows. But they mean well.”  
  
“Yeah, but…wouldn’t she want to know?” Ryan asked quietly.  
  
“She doesn’t need to know. What, that her mother’s a slut and her dad is screwing over the majority of Newport Beach? I don’t think that’s really what she needs to know,” Luke replied.  
  
“I’m staying out of it,” Ryan said. But he knew that he was going to have to tell Seth something.  
  
Cotillion was definitely going to be interesting.  
  


* * *


	13. Chapter 13

Ryan was trying to hide his nervousness but Kirsten was watching him tap his foot from anxiety.

“It’ll be fine,” Kirsten said. “She probably just wants to talk to you about your placement exam.”

“What if I failed?” Ryan asked, keeping his gaze on his feet.

“I don’t think she’d call us here if you’d failed. She’s not that cruel. She probably just wants to talk about the classes since Harbor is new to you,” Kirsten insisted.

Ryan was still doubtful. Dr. Kim had been tight-lipped during his exam, and granted, there had been other kids there, too, but it had still felt weird to him.

“Kirsten. Ryan, come in,” Dr. Kim said, stepping out. Ryan followed Kirsten into the posh office.

“I don’t know if I explained to you before, but the placement exams are designed by our professors here to assure a unique test every year and to discourage cheating,” she said as she sat down behind her desk across from them.

Ryan glanced at Kirsten and she gave him a reassuring smile. “What’s this all about?” she asked. “Is something wrong with Ryan’s exam?”

“On the contrary. Mr. Jenkins and Dr. Adams were so impressed with the math and science portions of your test that they asked to meet with you. They want to design a special curriculum for Ryan,” Dr. Kim explained.

Ryan stared at her. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Let me let them explain,” Dr. Kim said, going to open the door to her office.

Ryan felt better seeing that Kirsten was as confused as he was.

“Mrs. Cohen, Ryan, I’m Mr. Jenkins,” a young man introduced himself. He was thin and wiry with round glasses and a beard.

An older man followed him in and offered his hand. “I’m Dr. Adams.”

“What’s this all about?” Kirsten asked when Ryan didn’t say anything.

“Ryan, you got all of the questions in the math section correct.”

Ryan glanced at Kirsten. “So?”

“Some of those questions are out of MIT’s advanced mathematics master’s program,” Mr. Jenkins said.

Ryan was doubtful. “So…they were trick questions?”

“How did you know those quantum physics questions?” Dr. Adams asked.

Ryan shrugged. “I read a lot. Numbers make sense to me.”

“We’d like to work with you, one on one to help you achieve your full potential,” Mr. Jenkins said eagerly.

“Your records say you took trigonometry last…”

Ryan fumbled with his wristcuff, uncomfortable with all the attention. “School wasn’t really a priority then.”

“So, what exactly would be different for Ryan’s schedule, compared to, say, Seth’s?” Kirsten asked.

“Instead of study hall, he’d spend alternate days with us doing independent study. He’d get full credit for courses completed,” Dr. Adams said.

“What do you think?” Kirsten asked him.

Ryan had no idea how to deal with a decision like this.

“Can I think about it?” Ryan asked. “I mean…what if the other classes are really hard?”

“Talk it over, registration isn’t for a couple of weeks yet and you can look over some of the materials,” Dr. Kim said.

“Ryan, I’d like you to take some problems home to look at,” Mr. Jenkins said.

“All right. Can I use a calculator?” Ryan asked.

The man seemed surprised.

“Ryan, you could’ve used a calculator for the placement exam,” Dr. Kim replied.

“I should have reminded Seth to loan you his calculator. We haven’t gotten around to school supplies yet,” Kirsten apologized.

“Kirsten, we’d like to take Ryan on a tour of campus.”

“It’s almost like you’re recruiting him,” Kirsten remarked, coolly, winking at him.

Dr. Kim smiled. “Come along, then.”

Ryan leaned over to Kirsten before they left the office. “I’ve never been ‘smart’ before.”

She just smiled and guided him out of the office.

* * *

Kirsten was impressed with Ryan’s politeness and intelligence when talking to the professors that seemed as charmed by him as Sandy had been at the beginning.

They were sitting outside the office now, waiting for the materials the teachers wanted to give him when the girl’s voice startled them. “Hi, Ryan.”

“Anna, hey,” Ryan said, smiling. “Kirsten, this is Anna, I’m her escort for Cotillion,” he explained.

Kirsten hid her surprise. She’d assumed Ryan was going with Summer. “Nice to meet you.”

“Aren’t you Seth’s mom?” Anna asked.

“I’m staying with them,” Ryan replied quietly.

“We’re trying to convince Ryan to go to Harbor in the fall,” Kirsten said, recognizing the Stern girl now.

“Really? Why do you need convincing?” Anna asked.

Ryan shrugged. “Private school. Not exactly normal for me. What are you doing here?”

“Picking up the summer reading list. See if I can catch up a little,” Anna answered.

“There’s a reading list?” Ryan asked.

Kirsten patted his back reassuringly.

“Maybe we can hang out and study,” Anna said.

That’d be nice,” Ryan replied.

Anna winked at Kirsten. “So…Harbor?”

“Ryan smiled, not looking at them. “Maybe.”

Dr. Kim arrived with a small stack of books and handouts. “Miss Stern, right on time. Ryan, I hope to hear from you soon.”

“By,” Anna waved, following the Dean.

Kirsten studied Ryan as he flipped through the papers as they walked. “You okay?”

“A little shell-shocked, I guess.”

“Well, at least you have a friend already,” she said.

“Anna’s nice.”

“What about Summer?” she asked.

“Anna’s just a friend,” Ryan answered quietly.

“That’s not what I meant. Cotillion?”

Ryan didn’t answer right away, climbing into the Rover.

Kirsten wondered if she’d gone too far. Seth had never really dated girls before Ryan got here and she wasn’t sure about how involved she should be in their relationships. She knew that Sandy leaned toward more ‘hands off’ but she was worried about how Ryan was going to fare in Newport’s upper crust mentality. And the girls were a big part of it.

“Summer’s going with Chip. We’re meeting up after, I think. It’s no big deal.”

Kirsten could sense that he was omitting something and she didn’t like it.

“I’m kind of nervous,” he admitted softly as she drove. “Everyone else, sort of, belongs. They know what to do, how to act. I’m flying a little blind here.”

She looked at him a long moment before turning her attention back to the road. “Ryan, if you hadn’t just said that I wouldn’t have believed it. You’re a natural. And the only think you have to be afraid of at Cotillion is dying of boredom,” she added.

“I don’t see how anyone could be bored here,”

* * *

Seth liked the revamped poolhouse.

Especially times like now when both his parents were gone and Marissa was kissing him and strategically sitting on his lap.

He liked this dating stuff.

“Mm…I think your mom’s home,” Marissa murmured, leaning back and tucking a few loose strands of hair behind her ears as she slid onto the cushion beside him.

After a moment, Summer stepped in. “Cohen?”

“Hey, Sum,” Marissa said.

Seth wasn’t talking to Summer and flipped on the TV. No matter what Ryan though, he’d put her back into ‘bitch’ category in his head.

“What’s up? Where’s Ryan?” she asked.

When Seth didn’t answer, Marissa told her about his meeting with Dr. Kim.

The room was silent except for Timmy Turner and his fairies.

“Are you mad at me, Cohen?” Summer asked finally.

Seth glared at her. “Why don’t you ask your dad?”

She flushed, her eyes flaring. “What the hell does that mean?”

Ryan’s good enough to fuck but not good enough for you to take in public?” Seth asked.

“Seth,” Marissa warned.

“It’s complicated. And it’s between me and Ryan,” Summer said. “It’s none of your business.”

“Ryan’s my friend, he’s staying with me and that means it’s my business to make Newport a home for him,” Seth said. “But the first girl he meets here is you, and you’re, like, everything that’s wrong with this place.”

Summer was stricken and Marissa was staring at him.

“He doesn’t need another person in his life that’s not willing to fight for him. Another person that doesn’t think he’s good enough,” Seth stated coldly, looking at her.

Ryan walked in then, a stack of books under his arm. “Hey.” Seth could tell he sensed the tension by the spark of worry in his eyes.

“Hey, Ryan. How was your meeting?” Seth asked smoothly.

“Weird. What’s going on?” Ryan replied.

“Nothing,” Summer said, pausing. “Do we need to talk?”

“Huh?” Ryan asked. “About what?”

“We’ll call you guys later,” Marissa said, glaring at Seth before pulling Summer out of the poolhouse.

“What was that all about? Did I interrupt something?” Ryan asked.

“No. I was just talking to Summer and she must’ve misinterpreted what I meant,” Seth said quietly.

“Talking about me?” Ryan replied, sitting down on the sofa with him.

“A little. And looks like I pissed Marissa off, too.”

“Exactly what did you say?” Ryan asked, flipping through his books.

But Seth could tell Ryan was really interested and just pretending to be distracted. “Just that I didn’t like what she pulled for Cotillion.”

“Seth, that’s sort of, between us. If I’m okay with it then it’s not an issue.”

“Are you okay with it?”

Ryan glanced at him.

“Well, I’m not. It’s stupid,” Seth muttered.

“Do you know her Dad?” Ryan asked, closing the book with a snap.

“No…”

“So you don’t know if he’s mean to her, or if he, like yells at her,” Ryan asked seriously. Seth shrugged. “Because I went out with this chick once, and she was terrified that her dad would find out that she was dating. Well, someone saw us at a party that I made her go to and…he beat the hell out of her.” Ryan opened the book again, avoiding his gaze. “And I’m not saying this is the same thing, but not everyone has parents that are as understanding as yours are. She was honest with me and I respect that. Yeah, it hurt a little, but…I have to try and see her side.”

“Sorry,” Seth said quietly.

“I like her, Seth. God help me, but I really like her,” Ryan muttered.

“I’ll apologize,” Seth said.

“Dude, you gotta do what you gotta do. If you felt like sticking up for me, I appreciate it, but I can fight my own battles. Speaking of, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about battles.”

“What?” Seth asked, but he remembered exactly what Ryan was talking about. “You’re not really serious about teaching me to fight for myself…I have fragile bones…”

“I’m not going to hurt you, Seth,” Ryan snickered, leaning back, relaxing.

“Then what are you talking about?”

“You weren’t even blocking your face, man. I just want to give you some pointers so you won’t take such a beating. Come on, let’s go outside, dude.”

“On one condition,” Seth said.

“What?” Ryan asked suspiciously.

“We swim in the pool afterwards. In case I get sweaty,” Seth said.

“Fine,” Ryan laughed.

* * *

For some reason, despite Seth’s incessant chatter and repetitive mistakes, Ryan couldn’t seem to get angry at him.

Ryan would feign a jab at Seth and at first, he’d immediately drop to the ground. And whimper.

But after about thirty minutes of explicit instruction, Seth could at least raise his arm to protect his head from a punch.

The pool was a welcome reprieve from using his patience and he was pleased to see that Seth was giddy over his new techniques, no matter how much they were based on common sense.

“Dude, it’s like having a brother. Did your brother teach you how to fight?” Seth asked, floating on his back in the shallow end as Ryan treaded water by the diving board.

“I guess,” Ryan replied. “We’d always wrestle around and fight. We fought a lot, so yeah.”

“Well, I don’t actually want to fight with you, but I’m all about avoiding the pummeling.”

“Pummeling? I knew coming over here was a good idea,” a new voice said from the patio.

Ryan glanced up and recognized Anna. She was a cute girl but clearly out of his ballpark. She was more Seth’s type, cute and smart and funny. Ryan had never been able to charm a girl like her. But he liked her as a friend. “What are you doing here?”

“Your…Kirsten, she saw me at the store a few minutes ago looking aimless and invited me over for dinner. I hope that’s okay,” she said. “Hi, Seth.”

“Anna,” Seth said, looking at Ryan with a teasing grin.

“You want to come in?” Ryan asked.

“Trying to see me in my dainties already, Ryan? No, thanks. I went by the comic store and can entertain myself until you’re done.”

“The comic store?” Seth asked, perking up.

“Yeah,” she said.

“And it begins,” Ryan laughed. “I’m going to go change.”

Seth and Anna had a lot in common and after a comfortable dinner with Sandy and Kirsten, they were in the poolhouse watching some obscure Anime and nibbling on popcorn.

Seth seemed to know Anna from elementary school but she’d explained how she’d been living with family in Pittsburgh during her parent’s messy divorce.

The more time he spent with her, the more he liked her. She was vivacious and wise for her age. He could tell that she had seen a lot more than she would ever tell and he liked that about her.

And she wasn’t hitting on him, she seemed completely comfortable to just hang out.

“Dude, what are you doing? You’re not even watching the movie,” Seth said from the other end of the couch.

“Sorry, it’s just…a cartoon.”

Seth smirked. “They didn’t have cartoons in Chino?”

Ryan gave him the finger and he laughed.

“I’m going to go get some more cheetos. Need anything?” Seth offered.

They shook their heads and Ryan tried to focus on the dark images on the screen.

“Thanks, Ryan. For letting me hang out,” Anna said quietly.

“Sure. I don’t know many people around here, apart from Seth,” Ryan replied.

“I don’t really like that many people around here,” she admitted. “No one in Newport’s quite like me.”

“I know the feeling.”

“It’s just…I just got out of this really traumatic relationship earlier in the summer and it’s nice to hang out with guys that aren’t total assholes,” she added.

Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Give me time, Anna. I’ll impress you yet,” he teased.

She laughed. “Seriously. You guys haven’t hit on me once and if I didn’t know you were both dating people, I’d be hurt, but it’s cool. I just wanted to thank you.”

“I don’t need another girlfriend,” Ryan replied, catching her drift. “But I could really use another friend.”

* * *

“She’s over there,” Summer said, standing on Marissa’s patio.

“What? Who?” Marissa asked from her bed. Summer had cried and vented and finally calmed down into a mellow depression after a few shots of whiskey.

Marissa had been grateful for the distraction in a way. Her parents’ yelling had long turned into monotony in the background apart from the occasional shattering of dishes.

But she was worried about Summer. Seth had really hurt her feelings. She knew that Seth was only looking out for Ryan, but he didn’t know how mean Summer’s dad was about who she was seen with. He was a real asshole sometimes but Summer didn’t have any other family and she needed him. Summer had always been desperate for his approval, worried that he’d leave her just like her mother.

But Marissa couldn’t tell Seth any of that, she couldn’t even tell Ryan.

“Anna. She’s in the poolhouse. You can see her, sitting with them on the couch,” Summer pointed.

Marissa joined her on the bed and could see the grouping of shadows against the blinds. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Seth’s with them.”

“Seth would probably cheer them on, he hates me,” Summer said. “We should go over there. See what they’re doing.”

“Summer, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Marissa replied. She was a little tipsy and Summer was leaning on the railing shakily.

“I don’t care. I have to see him. Explain…something. I don’t want to lose him, ‘Coop. I…I really like him, I don’t even know what’s wrong with me because I can’t stop thinking about him…I could be over there now, kissing him, talking to him, just...it shouldn’t be her there, it should be me,” Summer said.

Marissa sighed, pulling her friend into a hug.

“Marissa! Get your things! We’re leaving,” her mother announced swinging open the door.

“What?” Marissa asked. Summer kept her arm around her, startled, too.

“We’re leaving,” Julie insisted.

“Jules, wait, just…” her father was saying from the hallway.

Marissa didn’t know what was going on. She knew her parents had been fighting a lot but they’d been married 16 years, she’d never expected one of them to leave. She tightened her grip on Summer’s shirt.

“Your father has stolen millions of dollars from his investors and he expects us to take the fall with him. Get your things. We’re getting out of here before the shit hits the fan,” her mother said. Summer gasped beside her but Marissa didn’t have any air in her lungs.

“What are you talking about? Dad?” Marissa turned to her father.

“Marissa…”

“You stole money? Your investors…they’re your friends…is it true?” she asked.

“Honey, it’s complicated, and…” he started but she could see on his face that it was true.

“Marissa. I’m leaving.”

“I’m not going anywhere with either of you,” she said. Summer looked at her but she couldn’t do anything but nod.

Her mom stormed out of the room slamming the door behind her. She was vaguely aware of her father yelling after her.

“Coop?”

“Can I stay with you a few days?” she asked.

“Of course. We’ll come back for your things tomorrow…let’s get out of here, okay? We’ll go somewhere and get wasted…”

“That seems like a good idea,” Marissa murmured.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, Ryan woke up early, having slept more in the past couple of weeks than he felt like he’d ever slept in his life.

He was finally feeling like his body was returning to normal. His ribs still hurt like a motherfucker, but it was manageable and he just felt better.

Summer was into him, her jealousy alone told him that.

But he felt like he could live her, be happy here. He was happy here. Seth was entertaining and up for anything and Sandy and Kirsten really seemed to care about him.

He showered and dressed and walked into the kitchen in his bare feet to start breakfast.

Rosa was in the kitchen and she smiled at him politely. He hadn’t really interacted with the lady, she tended to leave whatever room the Cohens were in when she was there but he knew the rules of ‘cleaning ladies’ and hated the way she had to make herself invisible.

It was weird moving up a couple of social classes because he got arrested.

He asked her quietly in Spanish if she minded if he made breakfast and watched her face light up in surprise. She asked him how he’d learned Spanish and he explained that he’d learned from Teresa’s and her mother.

He hadn’t let himself think about Teresa in a while. They’d had a huge argument that had lasted over a week and he knew that she’d moved on with Eddie when neither one of them would let him crash on their couch when his mom kicked him out. They had moved on.

But talking to Rosa was a nice reminder of home and she reminded him a lot of Eva. Of home. Or what he used to think was home.

They had the kitchen to themselves and he made coffee while she chattered to him about her daughters and her grandchildren.

He was getting the bacon out of the fridge when he saw Kirsten watching them from the other room. “Hey.”

“Hey. Didn’t know you spoke Spanish,” Kirsten said, walking in.

“Yeah, well. Chino’s pretty multicultural,” Ryan replied.

“Rosa speaks English,” Kirsten said quietly.

“I know,” Ryan replied. “But I speak Spanish, so it’s not really fair for me to expect her to speak my language. I wanted to talk to her. Besides, I don’t want to get out of practice.”

“Didn’t you sign up for Spanish as one of your classes?” Kirsten asked, amused.

Busted. “Well…Seth and I have it together,” he hedged.

Rosa chuckled and patted him on the back, telling them that she was going to clean the poolhouse since he had breakfast under control.

“I learn something more about you every day,” Kirsten said.

“I guess since I used to, sort of, do what Rosa does when I was younger, I feel kind of weird. I mean, I don’t want her to have to do my laundry, I can do my own laundry and stuff…” he admitted.

“We pay her very well. It’s her job, Ryan. If we let her go, she’d just get another job with another family. We love Rosa, she’s been around since Seth was little…” Kirsten said. “But I understand how it could be strange. It’s strange for me to think about you working when you were so young. I didn’t get my first job until I was eighteen, and believe me, it wasn’t cleaning houses.”

Ryan smiled.

“So…are you excited about Harbor?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged as he flipped the bacon. “I mean, Seth’ll be there. And Anna and Summer. I’m more worried about Cotillion.”

“It’ll be much easier than you think,” Kirsten replied. “You’ll have fun, you’ll see.”

The doorbell rang and Kirsten excused herself to get it. He finished the bacon and started the eggs.

He wasn’t going to eavesdrop, but Kirsten led Jimmy Cooper into the kitchen and moved behind him to get him coffee.

“Jimmy, you’ve met Ryan,” Kirsten said.

“Yes. How’re you doing?” Jimmy asked, his eyes guilty and dull.

“Fine,” he said. He remembered that Kirsten and Jimmy used to go out but he didn’t even consider that Kirsten would cheat on Sandy. They were very much in love from all he’d seen and she made no effort to hide his presence. But he wondered if Kirsten knew about Jimmy’s financial issues.

“Let’s go in to the living room. Ryan, you can finish up all right by yourself, can’t you?”

He nodded and finished scrambling the eggs.

Seth chose that moment to stagger into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes groggily. “God, it’s early.”

“Then why are you up?”

“I smelled bacon,” he yawned.

“You didn’t seem that tired last night,” Ryan noted.

“Well, Marissa called, like, 15 times,” he said quietly, glancing to make sure his mother didn’t overhear. “Those girls were *wasted*, and I mean it.”

“What’s up?”

“Marissa’s mom left her dad, he confessed that he’s been embezzling money…” Seth continued.

Ryan held up his hand. “Mr. Cooper’s in the den with your mom,” he whispered.

Seth flushed, glancing over his shoulder. “He’s in a lot of shit.”

“What do you think he’s doing here?” Ryan asked him

“I don’t know. But I’m calling Dad. Just in case…Marissa says he’s in a lot of trouble.”

* * *

“Hey!” Marissa grinned brightly when Seth walked into the diner. She stood up, only swaying a little and wrapped her arms around him.

Seth always smelled so clean, like soap and kittens. Hee. Kittens.

“Are you drunk?” he asked after he kissed her.

She had missed his lips a little, but most people didn’t mind sloppy kisses. Or at least Luke hadn’t. Hmm. “Maybe a little. I had a bad night.”

“I’m really sorry,” he said and she could tell he was genuine. She liked Seth Cohen.

“Sit down, Coop, you’re blocking the aisle,” Summer said from the booth and Marissa noticed Ryan standing with his hands in his pockets behind Seth.

“Your dad’s at our house talking to the ‘rents,” Seth told her, guiding her into the booth.

“God, I just can’t believe any of it,” she admitted. “I don’t know what to do. Dad’s going to go to jail and we’ll be broke and…”

Seth rubbed his hand up and down her arm and she felt a wave of nausea from the alcohol she’d had for breakfast. She took a gulp of coffee and the Kalhua immediately calmed her stomach and she leaned over to kiss Seth again. She didn’t want to think about her parents or what she was going to do.

“I wish you wouldn’t drink so early, I wanted to talk to you,” Seth said, pulling away.

“What?”

“I don’t like it when you drink,” he whispered.

Summer and Ryan were talking intensely across from them and Marissa was glad that they weren’t listening because her cheeks were burning.

“I’m upset and I wanted to take my mind off it for a while, it’s not a big deal,” she said.

“I know, and I don’t want to be a prude but I just…I don’t like it when you drink. I like you when you’re sober and I know you’re thinking clearly. I mean, this is big shit you’re dealing with and if you drink your way through it you’re not going be able to figure things out…” he said.

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“I’m not,” he sighed, “I’m just telling you how I feel.”

He was right, he was just being honest, something Luke had never done for her. She put her arms around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair gently.

“You didn’t get any sleep. Why don’t you come home with me and take a nap in the poolhouse. When you wake up I’ll make you some of my world famous bologna sandwiches.”

“Bologna is gross.”

“Not the way I make it,” he laughed. “But we can discuss. What do you think?”

She nodded into his shoulder and closed her eyes.

* * *

Summer helped Seth tuck Marissa under the blanket on the poolhouse couch and excited as she was to have some time with Ryan, she hadn’t missed Kirsten’s unveiled distaste when she’d walked past her in the kitchen. Kirsten had even stopped them to tell Ryan that Anna had called.

She knew that Kirsten’s protectiveness was focused on her again and she didn’t like it. She liked Kirsten and she really liked Ryan and she wanted this to work.

Kirsten had been really nice to her and despite her screaming teenage objections, she slipped out of the poolhouse while Seth and Ryan were talking quietly over Marissa.

She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, joining Kirsten in the kitchen.

“Hello, Summer,” Kirsten said, her blue eyes appraising her.

“Hello. I guess you heard about Ryan escorting Anna to Cotillion,” she said, forcing her voice to stay level.

“I was surprised.”

“It’s not by choice. I…I know you’re worried about me hurting Ryan, but he understands or at least he says he does and I…”

“You get to choose your own dates, Summer,” Kirsten interrupted.

“Kirsten,” she started, stepping forward and sitting down at the counter so she could hide her hands. “My dad told me I couldn’t go with Ryan. I like him and somebody told my dad and even though it’s messed up, I live with him and I have to follow his rules. He pays my bills, you know?”

She didn’t look up at the woman and was surprised when Kirsten was beside her, placing a hand on her back. Her blue eyes were soft and kind. “Summer,” she whispered.

“He’s not a bad man, he’s just big into politics and he doesn’t want me to be a Bush twin, dating the new bad boy in town and getting wasted…he wants me to be a proper lady – at least in public and he hasn’t gotten to know Ryan like I have,” she said, fighting tears from the gentle contact.

Kirsten clucked her tongue and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry, Summer, I didn’t think. I know how you feel, how Newport works and I’m sorry that your father put you in this position.”

“It’s just Cotillion,” Summer said, wiping her cheeks and pulling away before Ryan or Seth came in. “Ryan knows that I want to keep…seeing him - that I like him and I know my dad will come around in time. I’m not ashamed to be seen with Ryan and he knows that.”

Kirsten patted her back. “All right. Thank you for being honest with me. I can tell that you really like Ryan and I’m only trying to look out for him.”

“I know. I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t think you deserved to know. I don’t want you to hate me. I’m trying to follow your rules so I can still see Ryan,” Summer said honestly.

Kirsten smiled, winking at her as Seth and Ryan came in.

“Everything all right in here?” Seth asked, glancing between them.

“Yeah, fine,” Kirsten replied. “I’m going into work for a few hours, I’ll bring you guys some lunch this afternoon if you want to snack ‘til then.”

“Snacking is fine with me,” Seth agreed.

Ryan put his arm around her waist and kissed her neck when Kirsten left the kitchen and Summer felt like her life was finally falling back into place. She could get through this and make her father happy and not lose Ryan.

She didn’t know why this boy had such an effect on her but she knew that he was worth it.

* * *

Seth watched, amused as Anna sat down on the couch beside Ryan, sandwiching him between herself and Summer.

Summer’s eyes were dark with jealousy and Seth wished Marissa was awake to run interference because he didn’t think he could stop them if they started to catfight. He wanted to watch too badly.

“Summer,” Ryan said suddenly, his voice a gravelly growl despite his soft eyes. “You need to make nice.”

“I don’t want to get into his pants, Summer, no matter how nicely they fit,” Anna said, smirking as she looked at the girl.

Summer’s mouth opened, but she closed if after a glare from Ryan, her cheeks flushing.

“You need to clear the air?” Ryan asked.

“You’re flirting with him,” Summer huffed accusingly.

Anna laughed. “No, honey, I’m not. He’s, like, the first person here that didn’t look at me like I was an alien. I’m not looking for a boyfriend and it’s always been clear that he’s already attached.”

Summer glared at her, crossing her arms defiantly.

“Come on, Summer, nothing’s going on,” Seth said, and she looked up at him, surprised. “I was even encouraging it a little at first because of what I thought the other day but I know better now.”

“You’re really into Ryan and he’s really into you, I’m not here to fuck that up. I’m just here to hang out,” Anna said.

But Summer was still looking at Seth - finally nodding appreciatively.

She was trying to change. Ryan was changing all of them.

“Look, Summer, I really got fucked over back in Pittsburgh by this guy I was dating, he was dating me for months and the whole time he had another girlfriend that he didn’t tell me about. It really hurt and I know all about karma and don’t plan on wrecking anybody’s romance any time soon. I’m really not here to trash anything and I’m really not a fan of jealous girlfriends either because I turned into one back in Pittsburgh.”

Summer’s face lapsed into understanding and Seth shook his head in awe of the ‘girl connection’ sparking to life between them. “That ass. I’m sorry, Anna. I guess I’m just a little insecure.”

“I know I’m hot but not every girl wants to fuck me,” Ryan said, pecking Summer’s lips teasingly.

“Are we going to watch this movie or what?” Seth asked, catching Anna’s relieved smile.

“Sure. I’ll make the popcorn and bring some sodas,” Ryan volunteered.

Summer slid down to sit beside Anna and Seth tuned out their chattering while he hooked up the DVD player. Things were definitely more exciting around here now.

* * *

He met Summer on the secluded beach at the foot of the path. She’d sent a text to Seth’s cell phone and he was at home playing lookout in Ryan’s room. Ryan had Seth’s cell phone in his pocket so he’d know if the Cohens knew he was gone.

She was glowing in a white string bikini that showed off her dark nipples through the sheer triangles of fabric stretched across them.

She smiled at him with sultry brown eyes, lips curved into a pout as she rose to her knees on the blanket and waved him over.

“Hey,” he said, taking off his shoes so he could shift his rising erection through his jeans as he bent over.

“Hey. Don’t get sand on the blanket,” she said, stopping him when he was standing beside the edge. She put her hands on his thighs and looked up at him with a smile. “I’ve been waiting days for this and you know you need it, too,” she whispered, her hands snaking up his leg to cup his groin and squeezing his bulging crotch.

He tried to remember Kirsten’s scolding words or Sandy’s lectures but all he could focus on was the sound of his zipper opening and the feeling of Summer’s tongue on his cock.

He groaned as she looked at him with her pink lips stretched around the head of his cock while she licked circles around the tip and grinded her hips sexily at his feet.

“Summer…” he hissed when the head of his dick bumped the back of her throat. He put his hand on her head, lacing his fingers in her hair to control her movements.

Her mouth felt so good and he was in danger of losing it already when she hollowed her cheeks and sucked him deep, her hands squeezing his ass as he gasped and released his energy with a gasp.

She moaned, her mouth massaging his shuddering dick and another burst of hot cum filled her mouth and she swallowed with a defiant chuckle, letting him slip from her mouth.

“Sorry,” he panted, breathless from his climax.

She swiped her mouth with her hand, cleaning most of the spit and stray cum from her lips. “You didn’t do anything, Atwood, I did all the work.”

He sat down on the blanket and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply and tasting himself in her mouth. He explored her body with his hands. Smooth shoulder – curved back – wet, slick pussy – throbbing clit

He kept kissing her, sucking her hot tongue while lifting her onto his lap. Her bikini top was already gone and he filled his hands with her round breasts, playing with her nipples as she rubbed her crotch against his resurrecting cock.

“I want you, Ryan…I want you so bad,” she begged into his mouth.

He untied the strings holding her bikini bottoms on and gripped his cock, sliding it against her wet pussy.

She pulled off his beater and rocked on his lap, taking his dick inside her with a muted moan.

“Cotillion’s tomorrow and I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere, Atwood,” Summer said, her brown eyes boring into his.

He gripped her taut ass and pushed his cock deeper inside her while she started to roll her hips and stifling her cries by biting his neck. He closed his eyes and pumped his dick in and out of her wetness, timing his thrusts with her desperate nips into his collarbone.

“Motherfucking bitch…god, you fuck me so good,” she grunted, cumming with a splintered cry and he let himself go into her tight channel.

“You’ve got to start eating before you call me…Kirsten’s going to see this for sure,” he laughed, his neck and shoulder throbbing from her lovebites.

“Sorry, I just can’t get enough,” she murmured, kissing him ravenously as they sat intertwined on the sandy blanket in the moonlight.

* * *

Sandy was surprised to find the house empty when he returned from surfing. There was a note pinned to the bathroom in his bedroom.

_“Meet us at the club to help us setup for Cotillion. Shave. Love you.”_

He chuckled but followed Kirsten’s instructions, driving to the yacht club.

He waved at Seth who was unfolding chairs with some of the waiters.

“You might want to go rescue Ryan,” Kirsten said, kissing his cheek absently, as she scribbled on a clipboard.

“Where is he?”

“I didn’t want him doing anything strenuous and Dad cornered him by the bar,” she replied, nodding toward the other room.

Sandy left her to her work and went into the other room.

Caleb and Ryan were sitting at the bar and he recognized two of the teachers from Harbor in golf attire chatting with them. Ryan’s blue eyes spotted him, relieved. “Hey, Sandy,” he smiled nervously when he walked over.

“Sandford, these are going to be two of Ryan’s new teachers at Harbor, they say Ryan’s a mathematical savant,” Caleb said proudly.

Ryan’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “It’s not like that,” he said.

“I can’t believe he didn’t make better grades on his transcripts,” one of the men said. “I’m Mr. Jenkins.”

“Sandy Cohen. Nice to meet you,” he said, moving to sit beside Ryan and putting a supportive hand on his back. “Ryan’s a very bright kid and we’re hoping that with some stability he can do great things.”

“Like stay out of jail,” Ryan scoffed quietly.

Caleb laughed lightly. “That’s a given, boy. You’ll see. You just don’t know what you’re capable of yet.”

Sandy was pleased to hear Caleb speak so highly of Ryan. They didn’t always see eye to eye but he knew firsthand how Caleb would move mountains for his family. And he seemed to be including Ryan in his umbrella of protection.

“We’d like to work with Ryan on an independent basis to expand his knowledge of math. He has the raw talent with numbers unlike anything I’ve ever seen,” Mr. Jenkins said.

“Well, that’s up to Ryan, I think,” Sandy said, squeezing the kid’s shoulder appreciatively. “He’s had a rough couple of months and we don’t want to push him too hard. Newport’s a bit of a change from Chino.”

“That’s definitely true,” the older man said. Sandy recognized him as Dr. Adams that had taught Seth science his freshman year.

“I’ll try it. Kirsten says I can’t take Spanish,” Ryan said quietly.

”Why not?” Caleb asked.

“I already speak Spanish,” he muttered.

Sandy laughed at Ryan’s crestfallen expression.

* * *

The girls had taken over Ryan’s bedroom after Seth had steamed up the upstairs bathroom.

Kirsten had always dreamed of having daughters and she was genuinely enjoying herself with the three beautiful girls filling the house with a different vibe than the houseful of boys she was used to.

Anna was painting Marissa’s nails on the bed while Kirsten stood behind Summer, taking down the hot rollers to let the dark ringlets land on her tanned neck. The white dress looked ethereal on her and she’d seen the lusty way Ryan had looked at her in it. She was going to have to keep an eye on them.

Summer curled her eyelashes while Kirsten pinned up her hair with the tiny butterflies and Summer smiled at her in the mirror when she was done. She put her arms on her shoulders.

“Thanks.”

“Anna, you’re up,” Kirsten said as Summer stood up.

“Mom, where are my black socks?” Seth yelled through the door.

“Check with Rosa,” she called back, knowing that she’d just bought him a new pack last week.

Anna’s hair was short so Kirsten used the curling iron to give her stylish bob more body and a sparkling clip to match her dress’ lacy bodice.

“Mom?” Seth called.

“We’ll go, Kirsten,” Summer said, leaving with Anna as Marissa sat down gingerly in the chair.

Kirsten had convinced Sandy to help Jimmy with his legal troubles but she knew that Jimmy and Julie’s marriage wasn’t going to survive. Jimmy had asked her to help look after Marissa since she wouldn’t talk to either of her parents.

“Thanks, Kirsten, for letting us get ready here,” Marissa said.

“Any time. I saw your father today. I want you to know that you’re welcome to stay with us if you need to. You can stay in the poolhouse or in the other guest room. I know you’re going to have some big decisions to make soon and our house is open to you,” she said.

Marissa smiled at her in the mirror, touched. “Thanks. It’s…hard. But I know that my parents make mistakes, too. But things are such a mess…I’m a mess.”

Kirsten knew the girl had been drunk today, early, because she’d overheard Seth talking to Ryan. She didn’t mention it because she didn’t want to break the tenuous connection. Summer had trusted her enough to be honest with her the day before and she would rather be the parent that the kids trusted than the harsh overprotective mother. “If you ever want to talk, I’ll listen. I can’t promise to approve of everything that you kids do, but I don’t want you to think that you don’t have anyone to talk to.”

“Thanks,” Marissa said.

Kirsten felt like she’d made another connection.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

  
“Look how well you boys clean up,” Caleb said, spotting Seth and Ryan walking into the party with Marissa Cooper and the Stern girl.

“Thanks, Grandpa,” Seth grinned. Ryan was glancing around, visibly nervous.

”Mr. Nichols,” his date greeted, offering him her gloved hand. “I’m Anna Stern.”

“Pleasure. I think you ladies are needed backstage,” he told them.

Once they were gone, Ryan’s low voice found his ears. “This is so surreal.”

“You’ll get used to the tux,” Seth said, glancing at him with a knowing smile. “Ask Grandpa, he’s old hand at these things.”

“It’s a part of life here. It makes the rich feel more special when they’re wearing expensive clothes. And tonight is all about showing off their daughters and sons the same way,” Caleb said. He patted them on the back, standing between them. “But as I remember, the parties afterwards are the best part. Always use protection and don’t get arrested,” he added, winking at Ryan as he spotted Neil Roberts across the room.

He had a bone to pick with the man.

“Caleb, how are you?” Neil grinned, shaking his hand firmly. Caleb wondered if the man’s slickness was contagious. He didn’t appreciate Neil using his daughter as a political pawn.

“I’m doing well. I wanted to talk to you about my annual donation to the hospital,” he said, watching as Neil’s eyes lit up with interest.

“Talk away, I’m at your service,” Neil said.

Caleb wondered if Neil was fighting the urge to lick his lips. “Well, I’ve always considered you an upstanding member of the community and that you were doing a good job representing the hospital’s best interests. But I’ve come upon some new information that has made me reconsider.”

“Caleb, what on earth are you talking about?”

“Your daughter is a charming girl. She’s been a good friend to my grandson as well as the new addition to my family, Ryan. I’m not sure why she wasn’t able to accompany him tonight but I have a feeling that it may have something to do with her current escort’s father being on the hospital board.”

“I don’t know where you got that idea. Summer makes her own decisions. She chose to go with a friend. She’s involved with Senator Stevens’ son who is out of state at school. I’m glad that she’s a good friend of your family, but as to who she dates…” Neil stammered.

“Well, I had been very impressed to how welcome Summer and Marissa had made him considering the rest of Newport’s reaction. He’s proven himself to me as a good influence on my grandson and is a welcome addition to my daughter’s family. They’re teenagers and we all know how flirtations and dating goes at that age,” Caleb added. He stepped closer to Neil. “But if I hear even a whisper from anyone about you making things difficult for him, I promise, I’ll ruin you.”

Neil was pale when Caleb stepped back.

“Now. Summer looks beautiful tonight. Maybe you should tell her that. Give your wife my regards,” Caleb smiled, straightening his tie and searching the room for Kirsten.

As much as he’d enjoyed making the man squirm, he was surprised to hear about Summer’s absentee boyfriend. He hoped that it was just Neil lying, but he had to investigate a little more.

* * *

Ryan was walking down the hall, trying to focus on what Marissa was saying to Anna and Seth about Tijuana when he felt the tight grip on his arm stopping him in his tracks.

“Atwood.” Summer pulled him into a small storage room.

“Hey,” he grinned, leaning forward to kiss her.

“Mmm…stop, you’re going to mess up my lipstick,” she laughed into his mouth.

He swiped his mouth with the back of his hand and it came away pink with the gloss from her perfect lips. “Sorry. But why else would you pull me aside?”

“I just wanted to ask you something,” she said, blinking at him with those sultry eyes that made his dick twitch.

“Yeah?”

“Can you come to Holly’s tonight? There’s a big party…”

“I don’t know, I’m still, kind of, grounded, you know? Seth would be the one to ask,” Ryan admitted. He wasn’t ready to cross the Cohens to that point.

“What about the beach? Late, like last time?” She pursed her lips, pouting as she slipped her arms around him, cupping his ass and pulling him to lean against her immaculate gown with their faces inches apart.

“It’s almost like you’re into me,” he whispered, stealing a kiss.

A flash of light jolted them apart and he turned to see Anna and Seth laughing over a small camera.

“I’m going to kill him,” Ryan said.

“Get in line,” Summer grumbled, but he caught her smile when Anna held the small display out to her to show the cute picture of their intimate moment.

“Dude, you have to help me schmooze the ‘rents…” Seth said, patting him on the back.

“’Schmooze’?” Ryan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, Marissa wants us to come to Holly’s tonight and you know Mom and Dad aren’t going to go for it…but if you back me up, kind of like my chaperone, then I know they’d let us go,” Seth said, his eyes bright with optimism.

“Chaperone,” Ryan stated. Summer choked back a laugh.

“Come on,” Seth pleaded.

He shrugged finally. “I guess it could be worse.”

Anna laughed. “Not much, dude. Seriously.”

* * *

Marissa and Seth were one of the first couples across the stage and Summer felt like she was watching a movie. Marissa was demure and elegant and even Seth Cohen looked gallant in his tuxedo under the lights.

Summer and Chip were standing in front of Ryan and Anna in line. The gloves kept slipping off her elbows and Chip was so stoned that he kept chuckling every time.

“You are seriously struggling,” he said.

Summer started to smack him but she heard Ryan’s low laugh from behind her and the warm feeling she’d had all night filled her again.

They announced her name and she moved toward the curtain as the spotlight swung around to her side of the stage.

She took a step forward and felt a light slap on her ass from behind and jumped onto the stage, recovering by leaning heavily on Chip’s arm. She saw Anna scolding Ryan in her peripheral vision and when she smiled it was genuine.

Chip bowed as she curtseyed and the camera flashes blinded her for an instant before they walked down the stairs to the line of debs.

The announcer said Anna’s name and she watched as Ryan walked onstage with her. He looked amazing with his slightly mussed hair and sparkling eyes. She could see the veiled nervousness in his eyes but he caught her looking at him and smiled.

God. Chip was right. She was seriously struggling here.

* * *

“Look, the cops are here. I bet they’re here for that kid the Cohens took in,” a voice drifted into Seth’s ears and he was glad that Marissa’s head jerked around, too.

Sure enough, there were several uniformed officers at the entrance to the ballroom.

“You don’t think…” Marissa whispered.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“Keep dancing,” Anna hissed, waltzing past them with Ryan staring at his feet.

“Are you leading?” Seth asked her. Ryan glared at him.

But as the officers made their way through the throngs of people, all the couples stopped dancing as the music skipped from the interested band.

“Oh my god,” Summer said from behind them and Seth realized that the cops weren’t headed for them.

“What are you doing?” Marissa’s mom shrieked as the officers stepped up to her and Mr. Cooper. They’d appeared together but Marissa hadn’t talked to them. She’d been appalled that they’d attend simply for show when they were separating.

They couldn’t see for the people and all of a sudden, Luke appeared in front of them. “Why don’t we get changed? This party blows,” he said, red-faced.

“Luke, what…” Marissa started.

“He’s right,” Holly echoed, taking her arm. Seth caught Luke’s signal and knew that the cops were here for Marissa’s dad.

“Come on, Marissa, I know those shoes are killing you…” Seth attempted.

“But…” she said.

“Marissa, can I talk to you?” Kirsten asked, the teenagers parting to let her through.

“Oh god…it’s Dad, isn’t it?”

“I’ll tell you everything, honey, but you don’t need to see this,” Kirsten said gently. Seth was grateful that Marissa went with his mother. Holly, Summer and Anna followed them backstage.

He heard the commotion before he saw it, turning as Holly’s father attacked Jimmy, punching him even with the cops flanking him. Several other men joined the fray and he glimpsed Ryan and Luke rushing forward to help pull the men away.

“Seth? Where’s Ryan?” his grandfather asked, squeezing his shoulder.

“In there,” Seth pointed. Ryan and Luke were pulling a struggling overweight man off one of the officers, all three of them falling to the floor.

“He’s a lying thief! He stole from all of us!” Holly’s dad yelled as Seth helped Luke off the floor and Caleb started scolding the fat man. Ryan was breathing heavily when he joined Seth and Luke.

“You all right?”

“Yeah. Landed a little hard,” Ryan muttered, rubbing his chest absently.

The yelling had subsided as more officers started arresting people.

“Boys, I think you better go backstage and change out of those tuxes,” Caleb said, joining them. He reached into his pocket and held out some cash to Seth. “Have a good night tonight. I’ll handle your parents. It’s a tradition to go out after Cotillion. But remember what I said,” he added, glaring at him.

“Use protection and don’t get arrested, got it, thanks,” Seth said, surprised.

“Your grandpa is awesome,” Luke muttered, leading them backstage.

“You sure you’re all right, man?” Seth asked Ryan when he saw him lagging behind.

“Yeah. I’m just…not supposed to fight,” he said quietly.

“Dude, that was totally not your fault. Dad was even in there throwing punches – don’t worry. We’re going to redeem this night. Okay?” Seth said, even though he didn’t believe it. Marissa was going to be devastated and he really didn’t feel like partying right now, but he wanted Ryan to have a good time with Summer.

“I’m glad your mom took the girls backstage. Holly’s dad was pissed,” Luke said.

“They totally ruined the party,” Seth agreed.

Seth changed quickly and found Ryan in a pair of new but faded jeans and a t-shirt that hugged his muscles. His grandpa was standing beside Ryan’s seated form with his hand on his chin, tilting his face up at him.

“What’s going on?” Seth asked.

“Nothing, Seth. Ryan seemed a little out of breath but he seems to be better now,” he told Seth before returning his attention to Ryan. ”Does Kirsten have pills for you?” he asked.

“I’m driving tonight,” Ryan said quickly, shaking his head. “I’ll be fine.”

“He’s mostly healed, Grandpa and I promise to keep an eye on him. If you can keep the parents from sending out a search party,” Seth said.

“All right. Be careful tonight. Take care of those ladies,” he said, leaving them alone.

“I feel like I’ve been violated,” Ryan joked, brushing off as he stood up. “He was seriously worried that I was going to fall over.”

“That was a pretty massive dude that fell on you out there,” Seth said.

“Is Marissa okay?” Ryan asked, pulling on a white overshirt and running a hand through his hair as he zipped up the bag holding his tux.

“I don’t know, I was about to find out.”

“All right, let’s go face the girls,” Ryan said, leading the way.

* * *

Marissa didn’t want to go to a party. Her dad had been dragged away in cuffs and even though Kirsten promised that Sandy would make everything okay and that he wouldn’t have to spend the night behind bars, she still had this ball of horror buried in her gut that her father could do something like this. That he could be arrested in front of everyone. That he’d betrayed all his friends.

Summer hadn’t left her side and when Seth had found them in one of the lounges, she’d clung to him.

“What can I do?” he asked softly in her ear.

Her mind was whirling but she wanted to give him an answer since he was being so nice.

“She doesn’t want to go to Holly’s, can we…can we go to the poolhouse or something? Someplace quiet?” Summer asked behind her.

“Your mom’s really nice…and I don’t want to go with my mom and I don’t want to see anyone..,” Marissa whispered.

“Sure. And you can talk, or not, and I can ask Rosa to make you cupcakes,” Seth said, holding her tighter.

“Really?” she smiled, looking up at him gratefully.

“She makes the best cupcakes, well, apart from yours of course,” Seth said.

Marissa actually felt better for a moment and leaned her head against him again. He might not be able to kegstand or score a touchdown, but it was really nice to have someone just to listen to her and look out for her. He hadn’t pressured her at all and she really needed him. He was the only solid thing in her life at the moment.,

“Come on, Coop. Chin up,” Summer said.

Summer was pretty fucking solid, too.

* * *

Sandy found Seth and Marissa in the kitchen and explained to them as simply as possible that Jimmy had been released on bond, omitting the fact that Kirsten had put up the cash. He watched as his son held her tiny hand as Sandy wrote down the number of Jimmy’s hotel and gave it to her.

His son was really a man now. He didn’t know when he’d missed it.

Marissa put her arms around Seth and leaned against him with a tired sigh.

Sandy gave them their privacy and went outside to see if Kirsten was lurking on the patio., She wasn’t but he saw lights on in the poolhouse and decided to take a look.

Thankfully, both kids were still fully clothed, but they were definitely not ‘hanging out’. Ryan was sprawled on the bed with his arms spread out and Summer was straddling him, her arms braced under his armpits as her hair curtained his face as they kissed. Summer was grinding her hips into Ryan and his fists were balled up in restraint.

Sandy cleared his throat, pretending to look at the pool as they gasped. He heard a thump and saw that Summer had fallen on the floor in her flurry to remove herself from Ryan.

“Hey…” Ryan said, cool as he sat up and strategically placed a pillow on his lap. His cheeks were blood red despite his act.

“The sleeping arrangements are separate tonight, capiche?”

“Sure, definitely,” Ryan nodded, trying to act like he’d never thought differently.

“All right. You guys looked good tonight. It was a Cotillion that none of us will forget,” he added, leaving the door open as he walked back toward the main house.

“So, dry-humping’s against the rules, too?” Summer muttered and Sandy had to stifle his laugh.

* * *

“I’m very impressed,” Kirsten admitted as she turned off the lights in the den and joined Sandy in the kitchen.

“What?” Caleb asked from his post beside Sandy.

“Well, you gave the boys money and permission to get wasted tonight and they came home anyway,” Kirsten explained.

Sandy laughed, adding, “Seth gave me your money to buy chocolate and ice cream.”

“They are all a little thin,” Caleb conceded, but his eyes were bright with admiration.

“In no way do I think we’re going to have an easy time of it, but Ryan seems to be a good influence,” Sandy said.

“If he can control his libido,” Kirsten mentioned, nodding outside where Ryan and Summer were trying to sneak out of the poolhouse, hand in hand. She ignored Caleb’s whistle of approval and flipped the light switch on and off on the patio and they froze in place.

“We’ve got to do something about this, Kirsten,” Sandy said, looking at her.

Caleb cleared his throat. She knew that he wanted to weigh in but she wasn’t going to give him an opening.

Ryan and Summer guiltily walked into the kitchen.

“We were just going for a walk, Seth and Coop are asleep and we didn’t want to keep them awake talking,” Summer said, but Kirsten knew that she had ulterior motives. Summer was not the innocent doe-eyed girl that she tried to play herself off as.

“It’s too late for you to be out,” she said finally. “Summer, you can stay in Ryan’s room. But lets get this clear, I wouldn’t allow this if I didn’t think you were really serious about each other. You’ve done your best to follow the rules and I’d rather you be able to be safe than have to sneak around.” Kirsten allowed herself to enjoy the nervous but eager squirming of the teenagers. Summer clearly thought she was about to be sent for tests. “Don’t ask don’t tell. No noises, you change your own sheets because Rosa will strangle you both and please be safe. If you’re old enough to have the sex, you have to accept the consequences.”

Ryan’s mouth was slightly open, horrified and Summer was staring at her, awed.

“You better go before she changes her mind,” Caleb said sternly and they darted from the room.

“Where did that come from?” Sandy asked her when she sat down.

”Too many nights spent in the backseat of a Camaro,” Kirsten replied, glancing at her father.

“Hailey’s dates got her hotel rooms,” Caleb said. “Jimmy must’ve been a cheap date back then.”

Kirsten laughed, explaining to Sandy that the Camaro was hers.

“God, he deserves to be in jail. At least the mail truck was mine,” Sandy grinned, kissing her.

There was a low whisper from the hallway, “you go,” and she turned to see Summer reluctantly step into the kitchen.

“Yes?” Kirsten asked.

“Where are the extra sheets?” she asked timidly.

Caleb laughed heartily as Sandy hurried to help the girl before Kirsten realized what she’d just agreed to.

* * *

“It’s better than the beach,” Summer whispered as she clicked the lock on the door. “Sand is gross.”

“I wonder if she’s drunk or just pissed off that we tried to sneak out,” Ryan said, still stunned.

“I’m not arguing, Atwood, Now take off your fucking clothes,” she whispered, pulling her shirt off and letting her breasts swing free of her bra. His eyes immediately darkened with desire and she could barely contain her anticipation. She wanted him. Now.

Ryan sat up and she climbed onto the bed, pulling the shirt over his head and watching his hair fall haphazardly as she ran her newly manicured nails across his ripped chest.

“No more hiding, Atwood, no more sneaking around and pretending that I don’t want to tear your clothes off and fuck you until you can’t breathe anymore,” she whispered, enjoying the lusty way he was watching her.

He cupped her breasts in his hands and leaned forward to suck her nipples while she busied herself with the zipper on his jeans.

“I have something to confess,” he said, his kisses becoming more desperate. He put his strong hands on her waist and kissed her mouth.

“What’s that?”

“I like you,” he said, smirking at her as he flipped her off him so she was lying on her back. He quickly dispatched her jeans and she gasped when his tongue flicked over her clit.

Not a lot of guys were into oral, giving it, anyway - and she was immediately impressed by his tongue’s magical ability to set her pussy on fire. She bit her lip to keep from moaning out loud and dug her fingers into the comforter to keep control

“I like you a lot,” he murmured, licking the wetness from her thighs.

“Come here,” she said, pulling on his hair to get him to look at her. He kissed his way up her body, darting his tongue into her bellybutton and across her stomach and between her breasts before kissing her neck. “Foreplay’s overrated,” she whispered, grabbing the back of his neck and making him kiss her.

His cock was throbbing against her stomach and she reached down to give it a good squeeze and guide it into her.

“Wait…” He said, pulling back with a glazed look.

“Fuck,” she realized, fumbling for her bag where she kept the condoms.

Ryan Atwood made her lose her mind.

He wasn’t a thug from Chino or a juvenile delinquent. He wasn’t a geeky genius who could do quantum physics in his head. He wasn’t a streetfighter, standing up for the weak and defenseless.

He was just Ryan Atwood. And she was going to make him hers.

She opened the condom wrapper first and stroked his cock a few times before rolling it over the shaft with a well-practiced flick of her wrist before pulling him back down on top of her.

He pushed into her with a muffled grunt and she wrapped her arms around his chest, kissing him again. “Atwood?”

“Yeah?”

“I like you a lot, too,” she whispered as he began to slowly pump in and out of her slickness. She raised her hips and linked her ankles behind his back. Missionary hadn’t felt this good in years. Nothing had felt this good in years.

* * *

Sandy sat down beside Kirsten on the couch with his last cup of coffee for the day in his hand. She smiled at him and leaned her head on his shoulder, stealing a sip from the cup.

She never failed to surprise him. She’d taken Ryan under her wing and the rapport between them had lightened the entire mood in the house. He was so glad that she’d accepted him into the family. Sandy couldn’t imagine things working out better than this. And the way Kirsten had opened her heart to Marissa and Summer was an added plus.

Seth was like a different person these days, he was upbeat and optimistic and had been openly talking to him and Kirsten. It was almost like he was redefining himself around Ryan and appreciating the family that he had after seeing how much Ryan appreciated it.

The biggest change seemed to be in Ryan. The quiet, brooding boy seemed to finally be relaxing in his new environment despite the obstacles placed in front of him. Sandy had known that there was something special about him, that he was different from all the other kids that crossed his desk. He’d lost his whole family, and even though they might not seem like a loss to Sandy – he knew that they were the only family Ryan had ever known. Yet, he was finally assimilating into their home, and he was changing all of them. But Sandy acknowledged that there was a lot about Ryan that he didn’t know and would never know.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked Kirsten.

She smirked at him, leaning over and kissing him softly. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“What are we going to do when Seth asks if Marissa can stay over?” Kirsten sighed.

Sandy chuckled. Ryan’s prowess with the ladies had definitely been something he hadn’t counted on. “Well…”

“Ryan seems to know his way around contraceptives and health departments, but Seth…have you ever had the talk with him?”

“Well…” Sandy hedged. He’d attempted it a few times, but Seth would scoff and cover his ears until he gave up. “Kids learn a lot on their own these days…”

“Sandy,” she growled.

“Fine. I’ll have a talk with both of them. But why is this my job?” he asked.

“I doubt Seth would listen to anything I said, he’d be too petrified,” she replied, cuddling up against him and stealing more of his coffee. “But did you see Ryan and Summer’s face when they realized what I was talking about? I wish we had a picture.”

“I think you made their whole year,” Sandy laughed.

“Are we going to be able to make this work?” she asked after a beat.

He rubbed her arm. “It’s already working. Kirsten, Seth’s happier than I’ve ever seen him and you have to admit that Ryan’s gone out of his way to follow our rules.”

“He’s a good kid…but you heard those Newpsies when the cops came in, they were all thinking they were coming for Ryan,” Kirsten sighed. “I mean, I expected it and I did what I could to shut them up…but how’s it going to be when he goes to school? Is it always going to be this hard for him to be accepted?”

Sandy sighed. “Kirsten, you felt the same way until you actually spent time with him. You can’t honestly be surprised at the reaction. It’ll blow over. Jimmy Cooper’s top news this week.”

“True. Are you mad I bailed him out?”

Sandy shook his head. “He’s your friend. And Marissa doesn’t need a father in jail. We’ll make him pay us back, somehow. You think he’s ever pushed a lawn mower?”

“Stop it,” she laughed.

Sandy heard a low moan from the guest room and saw Kirsten blush. The moan was followed up by a giggle.

“Maybe we should have let him stay in the poolhouse,” Kirsten said, smiling.

“Maybe we should think about soundproofing his bedroom,” Sandy replied. There was a murmur of sound from the hall and he recognized the beat of the stereo. “I’ll talk to them, okay?”

“Seriously talk to them,” she warned. “I know you’ll probably just laugh it off…”

“You want me to show them diagrams or something? Honey, I think they know how things work,” he said, but she glared at him. He had to stifle his laugh.

“You’re going to forget how things work if you don’t take this seriously,” Kirsten said, crossing her arms petulantly.

He trailed his fingers up her arm to her neck and she swatted at him, leaving her lips open for his attack.

After a moment of protest, she laughed into his mouth, returning his kiss.

He loved his wife. “I think I need a reminder anyway,” he said.

* * *

Ryan felt like he needed to enjoy the privilege of having Summer naked in his bed behind a locked door for as long as he could before the universe turned against him. He could feel that this was a rare opportunity. Kirsten was simply tired of policing his sex life, to which he was eternally grateful.

They hadn’t changed the sheets yet and they were both sticky with sweat. They’d fallen asleep after their first go, but Summer had woken him an hour later for another round with her on top.

She liked being on top and he was learning how to hit all the right spots by the way her fists would tighten up and her toes would curl.

Right now, she was making good use of the fluffy blue throw pillow to stifle her grunts while she was leaned over the bed on her elbows.

He liked this position because he could see her smooth, heaving back and rounded ass beneath his hands, his cock buried in her clenching cunt. He stood there for a moment, deep inside her and leaned forward to kiss her neck. She started to push back against him, panting into the pillow as she whispered, “Get me off, Atwood…God, you’re killing me…”

He teased her, pulling out and then slowly pushing back into her until she was breathless with frustration.

She needed release and it felt like they’d been at it for hours so he reached around her body and squeezed her tits, fucking her like she wanted - hard and deep and fast until the slapping of his body against her ass seemed to echo off the walls despite the low playing stereo.

She reached back and grabbed his arms for leverage, throwing her hips back forcefully toward him to take him as deep as he could get – he gritted his teeth and fucked her harder until she dug her nails into his arms with a grunt. Her pussy rippled around his cock, milking him as she climaxed. Her whole body shuddered and she cried out into the pillow in a string of muffled curses when he completed a series of futile thrusts into her and pumped the last of his cum from his now exhausted dick.

They were both out of breath but he had to kiss her. She was so beautiful, so goddamn hot that he had to kiss her to prove that this was real.

“I hope those condoms don’t clog up the toilet,” he said after they’d recovered and were lying on the newly stripped mattress.

“Oh god, as if I weren’t embarrassed enough. I am bringing new sheets every time I come over just to avoid that conversation with Sandy, ever again,” she said, blushing uncharacteristically.

“I think I’m in enough trouble as it is.”

“I think you’re cute when you’re horny,” she teased.

“Shut up,” Ryan laughed. “What do you say we get a shower and change the sheets and actually try to sleep on them a while? I have a feeling Seth’s going to be up in a couple of hours.”

“I really flaked on Marissa tonight. I’m blaming you,” Summer said.

“She seemed okay with Seth,” Ryan replied.

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

  
  
Marissa woke up when the sun was shining on her face.  
  
The memories of the night before came rushing back to her but Seth’s arms were snugly around her waist and she was literally lying on top of him.  
  
He was so cute. He’d stayed with her all night. “Seth?”  
  
“The kittens…zombie…fluffy but deadly…brains…” he muttered, shaking off her light touch on his cheek.  
  
She shook him harder and he finally opened his eyes and blinked at her. “Hey. What…oh, are you all right?”  
  
“Yeah. I think the sleep help. You helped,” she said. She really felt like everything was falling to pieces around her and Seth had just let her cry and think and be ridiculously depressed. He’d kept her safe and made her laugh and she felt better. Steadier.  
  
“Good. Where are Ryan and Summer?” he asked.  
  
She glanced around. “They weren’t here when I woke up. You think there’s coffee yet?” she yawned, her stomach rumbling.  
  
“If not, I know how to make it,” Seth said, sitting up.  
  
“What were dreaming about?” she asked, taking his hand as they walked toward the house.  
  
“Um…I don’t remember,” he lied.  
  
“Kittens?” she smirked,  
  
“Shut up,” he said, his eyes wide with fright. “You dreamed about the zombie kittens, too?”  
  
She laughed.  
  
Ryan and Summer were seated at the counter with their stools at separate ends. Sandy was standing over them, shaking his head.  
  
“What’s going on?” Seth asked.  
  
Summer caught her gaze and shook her head, covering her face.  
  
Sandy just sighed.  
  
“Ryan?” Seth asked.  
  
“It’s…I don’t want to talk about it…” Ryan said, flushing. Now Marissa really wanted to know.  
  
“Don’t go anywhere, I’m going to check on Kirsten…see if she needs a valium…” Sandy said, hurrying out.  
  
“Summer?” Marissa asked.  
  
“We broke the shower in Ryan’s bathroom,” Summer said.  
  
“What?” Seth asked loudly. Summer shoved him to quiet him.  
  
“Just the rod, like, that held the curtain up, but your Mom heard the crash and came in before we could get…untangled,” Ryan whispered.  
  
“You were having sex in the house?” Marissa scolded.  
  
“She said we could, like, she gave us permission…but I don’t think we were supposed to break stuff…or be naked…god, I don’t know, she didn’t give us a handbook or anything,” Summer hissed. Seth stifled a laugh.  
  
“This is all your fault. I told you we shouldn’t do it in the shower,” Ryan said. Marissa saw Summer’s acknowledgement when she lowered her gaze guiltily.  
  
“How exactly did you *break* it?” Seth asked. Ryan glared at him.  
  
Marissa poured herself a cup of coffee. Things might be okay for now.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan had been scared of what Kirsten would do to him after the episode in the bathroom but he was beginning to realize the scope of the differences in punishment in the Cohen’s household compared to his own. He’d expected, at least, that he’d have to pay to replace the rod and fixtures and maybe even install them. Instead, he had a strict open door policy for the next week when Summer was over and she wasn’t allowed to sleep in his bed.  
  
The weirdest thing was that the punishment was called ‘temporary’. Like if he didn’t get in trouble again that she could start staying over. But he doubted that he’d ever invite Summer to stay in his room overnight again.  
  
The addendum to the rule was that they were only allowed to have sex on the bed, meaning the mattress and sheets.  
  
Things had settled down when Kirsten went out shopping and Ryan was enjoying the quiet monotony of Seth’s steady chatter over the video game.  
  
“So, dude…what do you think about going to Tijuana with the ladies? I hear the Mexican bathrooms have sturdier construction than our inferior bathrooms,” Seth teased.  
  
“Shut it,” he replied, but Seth knew he wasn’t angry. Annoyed, yes, but not angry. “And I don’t know about Mexico. I don’t want to do anything to piss off your parents anymore than they already are.”  
  
“I’ve got it all figured out, see, every year before I’ve gone to Comicon, I’ve got the tickets and everything and we just tell Mom and Dad we’re going there and go to Tijuana instead,” Seth suggested.  
  
Ryan gave him a doubtful look. “And how is that not asking for trouble? I’m on probation, if I get into anything down there, I’m screwed. I don’t want to go if we have to lie to your folks.”  
  
“Come on, I thought you were a ‘bad boy’,” Seth pleaded.  
  
“Whatever,” Ryan said, rolling his eyes. “I’m on thin ice here, Seth. I cannot afford to mess up right now.”  
  
“You’re right. But I can’t think of any other way that Mom and Dad will let us go. And I really want to go,” Seth sighed.  
  
“You don’t want to go to Comicon?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Do you think Marissa would be caught dead at Comicon?” Seth countered.  
  
Seth was right about that, she didn’t seem like the Comicon type.  
  
“Well, maybe you and I could go to the Comicon thing and Marissa and Summer could go shopping or something – if they don’t want to go to Tijuana, that is.”  
  
Seth considered he words. “That might work, actually. If they don’t want to go to Tijuana…but there’s no way Mom and Dad would let them stay in the same room as us after your little bathroom remodeling adventure.”  
  
“I think Anna’s going, you could tell Kirsten that the girls are staying in her room. It’s already reserved and everything,” Ryan offered.  
  
“Dude, we make the best partners,” Seth grinned, dropping his controller. “And now, instead of convincing the ‘rents, all I have to do is convince Marissa to pass up a weekend of debauchery for a weekend with me and as sad as that is – I think my odds are slightly better. She’s not immune to my puppy dog eyes yet.”  
  


* * *

  
Summer stopped in her tracks when she saw her father in the living room. She turned around to head back up the stairs but he called out for her. Damned heels.  
  
“You looked very nice last night. If you had decided to come home before dawn I was planning on telling you sooner,” he said as she walked in.  
  
“Sorry. Marissa was kind of upset and I didn’t want to leave her,” Summer replied.  
  
“You’re a good friend. But until her father’s case is settled, I don’t want you staying over at her house. She’s welcome here any time, but I don’t want you around Mr. or Mrs. Cooper until they have some more stability in their lives,” he said.  
  
”What the hell, Dad, you’re friends with Julie and Jimmy!” Summer protested.  
  
“I also invested with Jimmy,” Neil replied.  
  
She hadn’t known that.  
  
“I hate to take sides but here I have to. And also, Caleb Nichols approached me last night to lecture me about telling you who to date. I don’t appreciate you airing your problems with me to strangers.”  
  
Summer flushed. Kirsten must’ve told her father. Goddammit. She knew there was a reason she didn’t get along with ‘moms’.  
  
He glared at her. “There’s a reason I warned you off him.” He picked up an envelope off the table beside him and held it out to her. “I got this letter from the Senator a few months ago. He’s enrolled Zach at Harbor in the fall and they wanted it to be a surprise. I didn’t want you to get involved in anything serious when your boyfriend, or who I thought was your boyfriend, was coming home.”  
  
Summer stared at the envelope.  
  
“You’ve made your own choices and no matter what you think, your choices do affect me. Caleb Nichols, a colleague of mine now knows that I’m a crappy father, that my daughter is a high-class slut. You’ve ruined my political career before I could even get it started.”  
  
His pager went off and he stood up quickly. “Daddy,” she started.  
  
“I’m too angry to talk to you anymore right now. You go out and have your fun, have your sex and your drugs and your rock and roll and I’ll pay for it until you’re eighteen and then you can have your trust fund and be on your way,” he said, storming out of the room.  
  
And just like that, Summer’s world exploded.  
  


* * *

  
Marissa put down her purse at the restaurant’s table and listened to Summer’s strange voicemail again. But before she could hang up the phone, her friend fell into the seat across from her.  
  
“We’re getting drunk. Right now, order us a chaser,” Summer whispered, her hands shaking. Her nail polish was chipped off and Marissa knew this was a serious crisis. Summer’s nails were always impeccable unless she was extremely stressed out.  
  
The waitress appeared and Marissa gave the chick her most angelic smile and ordered two large sodas and whatever was on special for each of them. She was hungry.  
  
“Summer, what’s going on?” Marissa whispered, watching Summer gulp from the pint of vodka she pulled out of her purse before passing it under the table to her.  
  
“God, I can’t even talk about it, but I have to, I don’t know what the fuck…”  
  
Marissa realized she was going to need a drink if Summer was this upset.  
  
“Zach’s going to Harbor with us. He’s moving back. That’s why my dad says he was being such a dick about Ryan…and he says I can’t come to your house anymore and that I fucked his career because I told Kirsten about him forbidding me to see Ryan and then Kirsten told Caleb who went off on my dad…”  
  
“Slow the fuck down and breathe,” Marissa said, trying to process. “You can’t come to my house anymore?”  
  
“He’s a dick,” Summer muttered. “But you know I’d never diss you like that…but my dad said he’d invested with your dad.”  
  
Marissa was still not really processing that her dad had stolen money from their friends. She’d always looked up to her father, she was closer to him than she’d ever been with her mother and now he was a thief and everything she’d believed in was a lie.  
  
“Coop?”  
  
“And Zach’s coming back to Newport for good?” Marissa forced herself to focus on her friend’s drama. She might doubt her parents and her lifestyle, but she’d never doubt that Summer would stick by her.  
  
“Yes. He’s going to move back into his parents’ house here, with his nanny or something to take care of him when his dad has to be in Washington. Daddy and Zach wanted to surprise me. And I’m fucking surprised,” she muttered.  
  
Marissa passed the bottle back to her as the waitress brought their drinks. “What are you going to do? Are you finally going to break up with Zach?”  
  
“Ryan’s going to find out that I’ve been with Zach the whole time…he’s never going to forgive me,” she said.  
  
“Ryan’s been pretty laid back this whole time…” Marissa replied. She studied Summer’s face as she took another gulp of the vodka. “Oh god, you’re going to leave Ryan for Zach…”  
  
“I’m not…it’s…I don’t know what to do, Marissa…I’ve really fucked up here and you’re not even helping!” Summer said petulantly.  
  
Marissa glared at her.  
  
“Sorry…I just…I can’t even imagine how much it’s going to suck to have to spend all my time with Zach…”  
  
“You don’t even like him,” Marissa reminded.  
  
“No, I do, he’s a really nice guy, and funny – but he’s not Ryan. Ryan just lights my whole body on fire…but my dad’s already so pissed at me, he basically disowned me today, apart from still promising me money – that I don’t see another option than to be with Zach.”  
  
“Seth wants us to come to San Diego with him next weekend instead of going to TJ,” Marissa said quietly.  
  
“What?”  
  
“So he can spend some alone time with me. And so you and Ryan can have a weekend without pissing Kirsten off,” Marissa replied.  
  
“She’s pissed me off, I should fuck in her bed next,” Summer hissed.  
  
“Do you really thing she asked her dad to tell your dad?”  
  
“No, but she shouldn’t have told anyone,” Summer replied.  
  
Marissa couldn’t disagree.  
  
“I’m going to enjoy the time I have left with Ryan. I know it’s a punk way out, but I…I really need this. I care about him and I don’t want to leave him before I actually know that I’m going to have to leave him.”  
  
“Summer,” Marissa warned. “That’s not cool.”  
  
“Just…promise me you won’t say anything to Seth or Ryan. Please? I’ll tell him…everything…but let me work up to it,” Summer said.  
  
Marissa sighed. “Fine. But I don’t have to like it.”  
  
“Thank you. I…I want to go to San Diego. If you do,” Summer said.  
  
“I do,” Marissa said, not fighting the smile.  
  
Summer lowered her voice. “Are you planning on…losing anything while we’re there?”  
  
Marissa scoffed, but she didn’t answer her friend either. It was something to think about.  
  


* * *

  
“Something’s going on with Summer,” Ryan said, walking into the kitchen with a bouquet of flowers.  
  
“We figured that out the third time she sent you flowers, and you’re just getting it? I thought you supposed to be the smartest kid in the junior Harbor class?” Seth teased.  
  
Kirsten clucked, shaking her head as she took the fragrant bunch of flowers and put them in the sink before going to get a fresh vase.  
  
“She’s sent me flowers every day this week. I don’t even like flowers,” Ryan said, sitting down beside Seth at the counter as Sandy plopped a box of cereal in front of him.  
  
“Did you two have a fight?”  
  
“No, and I already asked if they were apology flowers for Kirsten because of the whole shower thing,” Ryan said, not knowing Kirsten had come back into the room.  
  
“That’s a thought,” she said. Ryan blushed on cue. “But they’re not for me, they all have your name on them.”  
  
“I’ve seen her every day and she swears that nothing’s up,” Ryan added.  
  
“She must be building up to something,” Sandy said.  
  
“You’re giving romance advice now? This I’ve got to hear,” Kirsten laughed.  
  
Ryan liked the open conversations that the Cohens had with each other. It was a relaxed atmosphere that he’d never had with the Atwoods and even though he knew that Seth talked shit about his parents’ affection and interest in his life – he knew that Seth appreciated it, too.  
  
“I’m worried,” Ryan admitted.  
  
“Dude, she’s sending you flowers, I think that’s a good sign, not an albatross,” Seth replied.  
  
“Maybe she’s hinting that she wants something,” Sandy suggested.  
  
“Have you guys…said the words yet?”  
  
“Oh, god, no,” Ryan replied instantly, regretting it when he saw Kirsten laughing at her own trap.  
  
“As much as that idea scares me, I think Kirsten might be onto something,” Sandy said.  
  
“Well, she’s going to be in San Diego with us, in a totally different, separate room – but you’re going to see her,” Seth said.  
  
“Maybe you should take her out to dinner, on a real date without a television or a bed,” Sandy said, winking at him before giving Kirsten a definitive nod.  
  
“That’s a good idea,” Kirsten said after a beat. “I know of some nice restaurants there, and you could surprise her.”  
  
Ryan gave her a doubtful look. “Fancy restaurants?”  
  
“And you could give her flowers this time,” Seth added.  
  
“Maybe _you_ could consider doing something nice for your lady friend, too, son,” Sandy suggested. “I know I’m going to be enjoying the alone time with your mother…”  
  
“Ew,” Seth scoffed.  
  
“And as men, we have to cater to our better halves sometimes to keep them in line,” Sandy smiled, kissing Kirsten playfully.  
  
“I guess,” Seth muttered.  
  
“How about it? Would you boys allow me to make reservations for you? Separate restaurants for once, but nice enough that you’d have to dress up.”  
  
Ryan exchanged a wary glance with Seth.  
  
“It’ll make the girls happy,” Sandy said.  
  
“Fine,” Seth agreed. “For the girls.”  
  


* * *

  
After a day of frantic panicking, Seth was finally ready for his perfect weekend of Comicon and Marissa.  
  
They’d convinced Anna that she wouldn’t be a fifth wheel and her parents seemed relieved that she wouldn’t be driving to San Diego by herself. She was already in the den with Ryan educating him on the finer points of Comicon beyond what he’d already explained.  
  
Marissa and Summer walked in through the open front door and he clapped his hands, pleased that they were reasonably on time.  
  
“You’re not going to make us sing songs the whole way are you?” Summer joked and Seth made a note to himself to scratch the sing-along portion of the roadtrip.  
  
“I want to talk to you,” Marissa said, taking his hand and leading him onto the porch.  
  
“Not if it’s going to put us behind schedule,” he replied, shutting up when she kissed him.  
  
“I think you’ll want to hear this,” she smiled.  
  
“Oh yeah?” he asked, breathless and dazed from her passionate kiss.  
  
“I’ve talked to Summer and she’s going to take Ryan out tonight so we can have the room to ourselves,” Marissa whispered.  
  
“Um, to ourselves?” Seth asked. Then he realized what she was talking about. “Oh…”  
  
“Is that okay?” she asked, doubt in her eyes.  
  
“Yes! That’s absolutely okay, that’s perfect, it’s…just…I didn’t have any time to prepare…”  
  
“Prepare?” she questioned.  
  
“Yes, like…I’ve never…done that before…”  
  
“I haven’t either, but…I think we can figure out what goes where, don’t you?” she teased, disappearing into the house.  
  
“Thank you, Jesus and Moses,” Seth said, casting a grateful look to the heavens.  
  
“What are you doing?” Ryan asked, stepping out.  
  
“Nothing…”  
  
Ryan gave him a look and Seth immediately told him everything, as quietly as he could manage.  
  
Ryan didn’t even laugh at him, simply patting him on the back and guiding him over to the Rover. “You’re going to do fine. The first time’s always…a little weird. But once you get if over with, you can start figuring out what works best.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. “Here,” he said, palming a condom and slipping it into Seth’s hand.  
  
“Oh, yeah, good idea,” Seth stammered.  
  
“Dude, don’t panic. Just…go slow and it’ll all come together.”  
  
Seth snorted and Ryan shoved him playfully.  
  
This was going to be the most awesome weekend ever.  
  


* * *

  
The ride to San Diego had been much less painful than she expected and she was even more surprised to realize that Anna was a cool chick. Marissa had been chatting with Cohen in the front seat and pummeling them with emo from the speaker while she giggled and made fun of truckers with Ryan and Anna in the backseat. She’d almost forgotten for a while that she was the hugest bitch in the entire world.  
  
Anna turned to them in the lobby of the hotel, holding out her dufflebag. “Can one of you guys help me out and take this up to the room for me? I’m late to meet some people and I don’t have time to go upstairs.”  
  
“Who are you meeting?” Summer questioned.  
  
“Some friends from the internet, I, sort of, have a blog…” she admitted.  
  
A cluster of girls rushed over and started squealing and hugging Anna.  
  
“Wow. Internet geeks are hot,” Ryan whispered and she gave him a shove in the ribs. He was already ogling the geeks. She knew she should have gotten a ticket to the Comicon thing. Ladies in tights would probably be everywhere. Not to mention some men, too. Hm.  
  
“I’ve got it,” Marissa said, picking up the bag. “Call us when you want your key,” she called after her.  
  
“Well, I guess it’s just us for a while,” Seth said, looking oddly green.  
  
“So the thing doesn’t start until tomorrow, right?” Ryan asked, placing his hand strategically on her ass.  
  
“Yeah, we’re going to be getting up early,” Seth answered.  
  
“All right then. We can check in and then see what’s fun in San Diego,” Ryan said.  
  
“You actually already have plans, don’t you?” Seth replied, giving him a strange look.  
  
“Fuck, yeah, I do, come on, Summer, let’s go to the room so we can talk,” Ryan said, flushing.  
  
She felt a pang of guilt in her stomach when she saw his bright eyes.  
  
She’d been lying to him for two solid weeks. Telling him that everything was fine, when it wasn’t. She had to tell him about Zach. She was going to hell already but she hated doing this to him. Ruining everything.  
  
But Zach was going to be back in Newport at any time and she had to be done with Ryan before that happened.  
  
“What’s up?” she asked him on the elevator.  
  
“We have reservations at Le Chateau,” he said. “But luckily, I know enough French to order,” he added.  
  
“What?” The pang turned into a pounding.  
  
“You’ve been sending me flowers, being generally sweet and hot and perfect and I wanted to do something nice for you, too,” Ryan replied, putting his arms around her and kissing her.  
  
“I don’t know what to say,” she said honestly.  
  
“You don’t have to say anything, you just have to get dressed in the nicest stuff you have and let me show you off in a fancy restaurant where everybody can be jealous of us and how hot we are,” Ryan whispered between kisses.  
  
Fuck.  
  


* * *


	17. Chapter 17

  
  
Something weird was going on with Summer. Even weirder than flowers with his name on them.  
  
He’d expected her to be happy about the night at Le Chateau, but he hadn’t expected tears. She started crying on the elevator and hadn’t come out of her room since. Marissa had disappeared in after her and Ryan didn’t know if he should even get dressed.  
  
He was sitting on the hotel couch playing video games with Seth.  
  
“Maybe she doesn’t like French food, maybe her dead grandma was French or something,” Seth offered.  
  
“I don’t know. But remind me not to listen to your parents’ romantic advice anymore, okay?” Ryan replied.  
  
Seth laughed. “Well, I still plan on taking Marissa out tonight…it should be a nice prelude to what she wants to do later.”  
  
Ryan was happy for his friend despite his own lacking romantic luck tonight. Seth was electric with anxiety and despite his early interrogation for tips, was finally coming back to normal. “I just hope you can manage to make it through dinner without freaking out,” he teased.  
  
“Hey! Ye of such little faith,” Seth replied, feigning offense.  
  
“Go get dressed, Seth. One of us should use our reservations tonight,” Ryan said, pausing the game.  
  
“You’re right.” He got up but paused beside the bed. “And you’re not pissed that…”  
  
“It’s not your fault Summer’s in a mood. And who knows, maybe she’ll bring me some flowers later,” Ryan shrugged, managing to convince Seth that it wasn’t a big deal.  
  


* * *

  
“I’m going,” Summer said finally, walking out of the bathroom and facing Marissa.  
  
“Summer, you have to tell him. All you’ve done is make things 10 times worse for yourself. Sending him flowers, giving him blow jobs on the beach, leaving him love notes on his window – how is any of that letting him down easy?” Marissa replied.  
  
Summer glared at her.  
  
“Forgive me for what I’m about to say – but you’re being a bitch,” Marissa stated.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I mean it. If you don’t tell Ryan the truth tonight…I’m going to tell Seth,” Marissa said.  
  
“You wouldn’t…” Summer replied.  
  
“Yes, I would. Because I know how much Luke fucking around with Holly hurt me, Sum. And even thought I know that you love Ryan, I know you’re hurting him, too and it’s just not right.”  
  
Summer met her friend’s gaze evenly. “You’re right. I’ll tell him tonight. At the restaurant…can you believe he’s taking me to Le Chateau?”  
  
“I can’t believe any of this,” Marissa replied. “You’re going to break his heart because you can’t stand up to your father.”  
  
“Says the girl that hasn’t been home in over a week,” Summer countered. “I just…I have to make the right decision and Zach…he’s the one I have to be with right now. I mean…for all I know, Ryan’s going to be fine with it and I can keep seeing him…”  
  
“Oh shut up, Summer,” Marissa said, startling her. She softened her tone. “You know I love you and that you’re my best friend…but you can’t seriously believe he’s going to just sit back and watch you walking around school all day with Zach and be ‘fine with it’.”  
  
Summer took a deep breath. “You’re right. You’re right, ‘Coop. I just…this is all fucked up and I’m doing my best to fix it.”  
  
“Do better,” Marissa replied. “God, stop thinking about yourself for once and think about Ryan – hell, even Zach! But do it soon, Sum or you’re going to lose them both.”  
  
“I hate you sometimes,” Summer muttered.  
  
“Aw, I love you too,” Marissa chuckled.  
  


* * *

  
As much as he hated to admit it, he was getting better at this fancy stuff. It was kind of like going into a biker bar or prison for visits – don’t show the people that you were scared and you’d be fine.  
  
Summer looked beautiful and even though she wouldn’t confess to whatever set her off on her sob-fest earlier, things seemed okay once they sat down at the candlelit table in the restaurant.  
  
He’d never really wanted a girl like he wanted Summer Roberts. Everyone else he’d just…been with. Even Teresa had started out as a friend and turned into a relationship. But he really wanted to be with Summer. He wanted to walk with her down the hallway at school without worrying about what the other kids would say. He wanted to call her on the phone and hold hands and do all the things that he used to kick people’s asses for doing.  
  
Fuck him, he was in love.  
  
And the smile on her face when he ordered the right wine, thanks to Caleb’s last minute tutoring the night before, made him think that he wasn’t just freefalling. That maybe she was in love, too. Hell, they’d already been through a lot just to be together. This felt right. Nothing had felt this ‘right’ in a while.  
  
All that was left now was for him to actually do it ‘right’. He’d never managed to have a real ‘girlfriend’ and he wanted to change that. He had a stable home life for the first time in his life and could hopefully have a real relationship without worrying about cops and domestic disputes disrupting his dates.  
  
“So. You like this place?” he asked, trying to break the weird silence.  
  
“Yeah, it’s really nice…it’s so sweet of you to take me out like this,” Summer replied, smiling.  
  
“Well, I wanted to take you out on a real date for once. I mean, you’ve been sending me flowers and being all weird so I thought I could return the favor.” He steadied himself. It wasn’t often that he opened up to a girl but he trusted Summer more than most of the other girls he’d dated. “The past few weeks have been really rough on me and you’ve made things so much better and I wanted to show you how much that means to me.”  
  
“Ryan,” she whispered, lowering her gaze to the table.  
  
“No, I mean it. I lost my brother, my mom and my home in, like, one big wave and all of a sudden I’m living with strangers in this rich new place where I don’t know anyone. And you turned out to be much more than just a hot chick,” he said, meaning every word. “It just means a lot.”  
  
“God, you had to do this, didn’t you?” she muttered, dabbing at her eyes with the folded napkin.  
  
“What…”  
  
“Just shut up a minute and let me get this out,” she sighed, mascara smeared in the corners of her big brown eyes.  
  
He searched her face for a sign of what she was about to say but she wouldn’t look at his face.  
  
“One of the reasons I wanted to come on this trip with you was so I could talk to you alone and show you how much I care about you. That’s what the flowers were for, too. Because…when school starts, things are going to change…”  
  
“Change how?”  
  
“There’s something I didn’t tell you…remember how I said my dad was a huge jackass and he likes me to act all perfect because of his political aspirations? A couple of years ago he introduced me to the Senator’s son and we went out for a few months before he went with his dad to Washington…and he still thinks we’re going out…”  
  
Ryan was trying to process her words. “You dad thinks you’re still dating?”  
  
“No. Zach, the senator’s son. He thinks we’re boyfriend-girlfriend. And he’s going to Harbor in the fall,” she stated.  
  
She was looking at him now and he studied her face, finally realizing what she was saying. “You’re dating Zach. Not me. That’s what you’re saying?”  
  
When she nodded he felt like he’d been punched in the ribs.  
  
“We can still go out and see each other…but Zach…he’s been my boyfriend for a long time.”  
  
He folded the napkin in his lap into a tight square and laid it on the table, pulling out his wallet and laying a hundred dollars donated by Sandy on the table. “Enjoy your meal.”  
  


* * *

  
Seth’s cell phone vibrated while Marissa was wolfing down her dessert. He was still amazed at how much the thin girl could eat in a single sitting. She put his eating skills to shame. But at least he knew she should have plenty of energy for later.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Seth. Look, I know you need the room for later, but I’m going out for a while. Hell, I’d head back to Newport if I didn’t think you’d be pissed going to Comicon all alone – Summer’s a bitch and we’re done. I don’t want to talk to her or see her. I’ll see you in the morning, call me when Marissa’s gone, okay?”  
  
“Wait, slow down, what happened?” Seth asked, hearing the anger in his friend’s voice.  
  
“I’ll tell you later – or even better yet, ask Marissa, I’m sure she knows the story. I’ve got to go.”  
  
He closed the phone and looked over at Marissa. She was watching him, guilty. “Why are Summer and Ryan suddenly ‘over’?”  
  
“Seth…”  
  
“So you do know. And you didn’t tell me. What is it? ‘Cause he’s really upset and that’s not cool. This is our last weekend before school and he’s nervous as hell already…”  
  
“Summer’s got this long distance boyfriend that’s about to be no distance boyfriend,” Marissa blurted out. “And I’ve been trying to get her to tell Ryan since she found out that he was coming back.”  
  
“Wait, she’s had a boyfriend this whole time?” Seth asked, stunned.  
  
“I can’t make excuses for her, but I know she didn’t intend to fall for Ryan…so he’s upset?”  
  
“What did you expect?” Seth sighed. “He said he’d leave if it wasn’t for Comicon, but talk about an uncomfortable ride back…”  
  
“I’m sorry. After what happened with me and Luke, I just want you to know that even though Summer’s my best friend, I don’t like what she’s done. But her dad…he’s really pissed at her. Like, more pissed than I’ve ever heard about and she wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t think she absolutely had to.”  
  
“Try explaining that to Ryan,” Seth said. He wasn’t hungry anymore.  
  
“You want to go talk to him, don’t you,” Marissa said, seeing his upset face.  
  
“Well, under the circumstances – meaning the web of lies – I think you guys might have been better off going to Tijuana with your real friends,” Seth said, deciding to take a stand.  
  
“Seth…what Summer did doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel about you…”  
  
“I get that you didn’t tell me because of the whole ‘girl code’ – but it’s still not cool. Ryan’s my best friend and he deserved a good relaxing fun vacation and you and Summer ruined that. Now I’m going to follow the whole ‘guy code’ and go find my friend. Maybe it’s a little too soon for us to take this relationship to the next step when I obviously don’t know you as well as I thought.”  
  
He waved over the waiter and handed him his credit card, avoiding her welling eyes.  
  
He hoped Jesus and Moses were proud of him. He was really going to get carpel tunnel if he didn’t lose his virginity soon, but he couldn’t follow Mr. Winky when Ryan was on the verge of a Chino relapse.  
  


* * *

  
“I know you. You’re the new kid.”  
  
“Excuse me?” Ryan glanced over to the chick two barstools down.  
  
“Oh. I guess it is a little weird that I’m talking to you here, in San Diego instead of Newport, but you are the new kid in Newport, right? I’m right, aren’t I?”  
  
“I am in no mood,” Ryan muttered. Was this really happening? He’d only had three shots, this couldn’t be a hallucination.  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
She looked so crestfallen that Ryan sighed. “No, I’m sorry. I’ve had a shitty day. Yes, I’m the ‘new kid’. Ryan Atwood, at your service,” he said, offering his hand.  
  
She hopped off her stool and he admired her sculpted legs as she moved to sit beside him, shaking his hand firmly. “Taylor Townsend. The ‘invisible’ girl.”  
  
Interesting.  
  
“What I mean is, I’ve lived in Newport my whole life and nobody knows my name.”  
  
“I’d like some of that camouflage,” he replied. He couldn’t stop himself from admiring her breasts. “And I don’t think you’re invisible.”  
  
“You’re just being polite because I ambushed you at the bar. What are you doing in San Diego anyway?”  
  
“Comicon or something. For Seth,” Ryan replied.  
  
“That’s why I’m here, too. Sort of. All the ‘cool kids’ go to Mexico and my mom didn’t want it to seem like I have zero social life and ordered me out of the house,” Taylor scoffed.  
  
“Can I buy you a drink?”  
  
Her smile was bright. “Absolutely. If you weren’t with Summer Roberts I’d totally offer you a one-night stand.”  
  
“I’m not with Summer Roberts,” he replied automatically. “She is officially on my ‘do not date’ list from now on.”  
  
“Really,” she said, a gleam in her eye. “Because if you want to make her jealous – please, let me know.”  
  
“Why?” he asked.  
  
“Because she’s the most popular girl in school and she treats everyone like dirt. I’d love to rub her face in it just one time,” she replied.  
  
Ryan considered her words. “I don’t know about all that. But I’m definitely interested in your earlier offer.”  
  
She smiled at him and the gleam in her eye was very readable now. “All right then. Why don’t we take this party to my minibar?”  
  
Ryan wondered if all the girls in Newport were this easy.  
  


* * *

  
Seth paced inside the hotel room, listening to the dial tone on Ryan’s phone.  
  
Finally, on the fifteenth phone call, someone picked up. “What?”  
  
“Ryan, where are you? Are you out of breath? What the hell? Marissa told me what happened and I ditched her so I could make sure you were okay…”  
  
There was a moan in the background and Ryan’s short breaths into the phone clued him in on what exactly he’d interrupted.  
  
“Look, I’m kind of indisposed – I’m fine – I just needed to clear my head a little and I – I’ll just see you in a couple of hours, all right?”  
  
“Um, okay…” Seth said, listening to the dial tone.  
  
The knock on the door was different from the earlier knocks of Marissa and Summer and he recognized Anna through the peephole and opened the door.  
  
“Hey. I heard what’s going on. The girls had the nerve to ask me to come over to find out if you guys were okay – but I really just wanted to get out of there,” Anna said. She waved a bag. “I brought drinks.”  
  
And three screwdrivers later, Seth was wasted.  
  
“So, Ryan’s getting laid,” he said, finally comfortable enough to tell Anna what was bouncing around in his head. “I was supposed to get laid tonight, too.”  
  
“Why didn’t you?” she asked, her words slurred already from her earlier drinks.  
  
“Ryan sounded pretty pissed when he called to tell me about how Summer had dumped him so I told Marissa that I was pissed she lied to me and came back to find him. Spend some Ryan/Seth time, you know? I mean, he’s only here because I asked him to come, he doesn’t even read comics.”  
  
“I noticed that. You’re a good friend.” She giggled. “I keep wondering how you and Marissa Cooper hooked up.”  
  
He laughed. “It’s like an alternate universe, isn’t it? I mean, she’s been my neighbor for years and never spared me a word but one night, once Ryan was here – all of a sudden I’m not invisible anymore.”  
  
“But you really like her? You’re not dating her just because she’s the first girl that showed an interest?”  
  
Seth glanced over at Anna. “What are you saying?”  
  
“I’m just saying that you’re a really cool guy and I’d hate for you to get hurt like Ryan just did because of some Newport princess that’s just dating you between jocks,” she said.  
  
Seth wasn’t sure what alternative universe he’d fallen into now.  
  
“I mean, take you and me. We both like comics, we both want to be artists when we’re older, we have the same taste in music…and I think we could actually be happy together…in another life.”  
  
“Are you seriously hitting on me? I mean, what happened to the whole ‘bad relationship’ and not wanting to rebound?” Seth asked.  
  
“I just had a whole lot of fun and my friends say I need to move on. And just my luck, the only guy that I want to move on with is already taken.”  
  
“Wait, so out of me and Ryan…you’re picking me?” Seth stammered.  
  
“Ryan’s really hot…” she laughed. “But he’s a little more…experienced than I’m ready for. You…you’re like the little bear’s porridge…you’re just right…” she said, leaning over and kissing him.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan sprawled backwards against the bed as Taylor stretched out beside him, leaning her head into the crook of his elbow.  
  
“So, you do this a lot?” he asked.  
  
“What, pick up guys at Comicon? No. The guys there aren’t really what I’m looking for. But you…you’re definitely something I could do a lot.”  
  
He snorted.  
  
“I’m sorry about you and Summer. I know I’m a pale imitation, but I’m glad you decided to rebound tonight,” she said.  
  
“I have to admit, it was a nice distraction. I’m drunk,” he added.  
  
“Me, too. Want me to walk you home?”  
  
“Shit, Seth, he’s waiting on me, he’s probably going insane,” Ryan realized, sitting up. He staggered out of the comfy bed and pulled on his jeans and struggled with his wifebeater. He glanced back at Taylor who hadn’t moved from the bed. “So, who are you going to the thing with tomorrow?”  
  
“There are only a couple of people I want to see…” she replied, evading the answer.  
  
“Even if I don’t want to use you to make Summer jealous – I wouldn’t mind being friends with you,” he said as he recognized her low self-esteem rearing its head again.  
  
“With benefits?”  
  
“I think we’ve established that already,” he smiled, walking over and kissing her again. “Thanks for cheering me up.”  
  
“So where should I meet you tomorrow?” she called after him when he started for the door.  
  
“Just give me a call when you’re getting ready to go. I don’t know how early Seth’s going to wake me up,” Ryan admitted. He paused long enough to scribble down his phone number before hurrying out to find Seth.  
  
He sobered up slightly once he was outside of Taylor’s hotel and was grateful that he hadn’t gone far from his hotel when he glimpsed it down the street.  
  
As soon as he walked into the lobby, Summer stood up from her perch on one of the sofas. “Ryan!”  
  
He ignored her. He wasn’t going to do this. Not now. Not ever.  
  
He’d opened up to her and she’d shot him down. She wasn’t special – she was just like all the other girls. Just wasting time with him until something better came along and he was done with that. He got on the elevator and jammed his finger into the ‘close door’ button, but it wasn’t fast enough because she pushed her little arm between the doors.  
  
“You have to talk to me – you have to listen to me,” she said, getting onto the elevator as it started to rise.  
  
He didn’t say anything. He crossed his arms. The silent treatment was his best weapon of choice.  
  
“Ryan…I don’t want it to be like this between us, I never wanted this to be…”  
  
The elevator dinged and the doors opened and he stepped off.  
  
She grabbed his arm. “Please.”  
  
He reached over and peeled her fingers off his wrist one by one.  
  
Ryan pushed the keycard into the lock, not looking back at her standing motionless in the hallway.  
  
The room smelled like vodka and he immediately noticed that Seth wasn’t in his bed alone. But he didn’t expect Anna’s head to pop up when he tried to tiptoe over to his side.  
  
“Oh shit,” she muttered, her blue eyes dark with realization.  
  
“Go back to sleep, you’re probably going to need your rest when the sun comes up,” he said.  
  
  


* * *

  
“God…vodka is the devil…” Seth mumbled with his eyes barely open.  
  
“Drink your coffee, it’ll make you feel better. It’s got lots of sugar, just like you like it,” Ryan said, pushing the cup over to him.  
  
“Whose idea was it to get drunk last night?” Anna asked.  
  
“I think that would be…yours,” Seth replied.  
  
“I had nothing to do with the drunken shenanigans that went down in this room last night – I had my drunken shenanigans elsewhere,” Ryan stated.  
  
“You know that Taylor got kicked out of boarding school for banging the dean,” Anna said, pushing herself to sit up.  
  
“Yeah? I’ll have to ask her about that when I meet her today,” Ryan shrugged.  
  
“You’re meeting her today?”  
  
“Yeah, she’s going to Comicon, we’re going to Comicon, is that a big deal?” Ryan asked.  
  
“What am I going to do?” Seth wailed suddenly, covering his face with his hands.  
  
“Well, if you want to forget the whole thing happened, I’m totally down for that,” Anna said.  
  
“It was his first time,” Ryan whispered to her. She immediately blushed.  
  
“I have to tell Marissa. And she’s going to hate me as much as Ryan hates Summer,” Seth replied.  
  
“Probably so,” Ryan admitted. Seth glared at him. “What? I mean…you guys were going to lose your virginity together and now…that’s not going to happen. And I would lose all kinds of respect for you if you lie to her.”  
  
“God, I hate you sometimes,” Seth sighed. “This sucks. This is the worst trip ever.”  
  
“Thanks,” Anna snorted.  
  
“You know that’s not what I mean,” Seth replied. “Actually, you’re being pretty cool about the whole thing.”  
  
“Well, I try not to jump into bed with guys that I have a crush on – at least not on the night that I confess my crush,” she replied.  
  
“I’m not supposed to have one night stands,” Ryan echoed.  
  
“And I am not supposed to drink vodka. Ever.”  
  
“We’re just a mess today. Want to go lose yourselves in science fiction before dealing with the backlash?” Anna suggested.  
  
“Absolutely. Surely we can avoid the girls until then,” Seth said. But the knock on the door proved him wrong.  
  


* * *

  
Marissa waited until Seth opened the door before taking a deep breath to prepare for her series of questioning. She still didn’t understand why Summer and Ryan’s relationship going wrong had to effect her special night with Seth.  
  
But when he stood in front of her with his curls all messy and the dark hickey on his neck – she knew that this was all wrong.  
  
He caught her looking at his neck and immediately blushed. “Sorry.”  
  
She started to ask him what happened – what she’d done wrong for him to turn to someone else – how he could do this to her – why he didn’t like her – but she didn’t.  
  
Something crumpled inside her. And died.  
  
“Okay,” she whispered, turning and going back to her room.  
  
She wasn’t enough for anybody.  
  
Summer stared at her when she walked back in. Marissa ignored her, going to the already diminished minibar and pulling out several bottles.  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“It’s over. Me and Seth…we’re over…”  
  
“Wait, what?”  
  
“He’s got a hickey on his neck…he didn’t wait for me, Summer…he was supposed to be the one…and he couldn’t wait one fucking night…” she whispered.  
  
“Oh, Coop…this is all my fault…”  
  
“I just can’t believe that this is happening again…”  
  
  


* * *


	18. Chapter 18

“Hi, how was San Diego?” Sandy called when Seth and Ryan trudged into the house.  
  
“Well, Dad, since you asked – Ryan and I were both dumped by the girls of our dreams yet we were both also laid,” Seth announced.  
  
Sandy glanced at him, stunned by his bluntness but intrigued by his honesty. Seth never used to be this honest with him – but he probably hadn’t had much to confide either. But the effect of Ryan on his son was more defined today from his announcement.  
  
Ryan was staring at Seth, stunned. “Dude. What the fuck?”  
  
“What? He asked how are weekend was…” Seth replied, confused.  
  
“I’m just – walking away before I hit you,” Ryan muttered, grabbing his bag and heading to his room.  
  
“So, let’s start at the beginning. What happened with Marissa?” Sandy asked. “I thought you guys liked each other.”  
  
“I really like her dad, like, a lot. But we had a fight and I went to look for Ryan because we were kind of fighting because Summer had told Marissa something and she didn’t tell me and it ended up upsetting Ryan. But he was off working his mojo on this other girl and I…I kind of got drunk and slept with Anna.”  
  
Sandy shook his head. “You were drinking?”  
  
“Just a little, I have, like, no tolerance, and Anna…she likes me. And she’s cool and she totally didn’t laugh at me and…I don’t remember any of it,” Seth confessed.  
  
Sandy patted him on the back. “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘TMI’?”  
  
“Sorry, it’s just…I wanted it to be special – and with Marissa and then…” Seth hesitated as if finally realizing what Sandy was getting at. “Everything changed. Summer had a boyfriend this whole time, like, living in DC or something and the only reason they agreed to go on the trip was so she could break up with Ryan…and I guess it just kind of seems like Marissa didn’t care that Summer was lying to him and leading him on this whole time. Ryan says it’s for the best, that he doesn’t care…”  
  
Sandy held up his hand. “Slow down. I want to hear all about it – but one thing at a time. Marissa knew that Summer had a boyfriend and that’s why you were fighting?”  
  
Seth nodded.  
  
“Okay, now, do you tell Marissa everything that Ryan tells you?” Sandy asked.  
  
Seth opened his mouth to respond, but promptly closed it again.  
  
“I’m sorry about Marissa, Seth. You guys had a fight and you were upset – but if you really cared about her feelings, you wouldn’t have slept with Anna. Did you use protection?”  
  
“Yeah. It wasn’t…what I expected,” he said. “Comicon was different with girls around.”  
  
Sandy shook his head but couldn’t fight his smile.  
  


* * *

  
  
Summer had smiled all through dinner and was still smiling as Zach held open the door to his car and waited for her to get settled before closing the door.  
  
Zach was much different than Ryan. He’d taken her to the Arches before he’d even taken his luggage home. He was sweet and funny and nice and polite…  
  
She adjusted her long skirt again while he was tipping the valet.  
  
Zach was nice.  
  
But she couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan’s words at the restaurant.  
  
She’d hurt him. He was so tough – so hot and smart and wise –  
  
“Summer?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“It’s really great to see you,” he smiled, flashing his perfect teeth.  
  
“You too, Zach,” she replied, kissing him on the lips but keeping her mouth closed when he tried to slip her the tongue.  
  
“Sorry,” he giggled.  
  
Ryan didn’t giggle. “It’s okay. I just…I was seeing someone else this summer, Zach, and I don’t want to keep lying to you.”  
  
Zach didn’t even flinch, still smiling. “It’s all right, Summer. I went out on a few dates myself, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t still committed to you. I’d really like this to work.”  
  
“Me, too,” she heard herself saying, the smile on her face sliding back into place.  
  


* * *

  
Marissa woke up to her father’s voice. “Honey, honey, wake up…”  
  
“Is it morning already?” she mumbled, shielding her face from the sun.  
  
“Honey, your mother and I have to talk to you,” he said.  
  
She realized her mom was there too. Where was she?  
  
“Honey, you’re drunk – you drank a fifth last night – you almost died…we don’t want our problems to do this to you,” her mom said  
  
Oh god. She realized that the sun wasn’t shining in her eyes, it was the fluorescent lights from the hospital room.  
  
“We’re going to get you some help, honey, don’t worry about anything,” her dad said.  
  
She’d never heard her mom crying so convincingly before but she couldn’t process anything.  
  
She’d gotten home and pulled out her emergency bottle.  
  
She didn’t mean to drink it all.  
  


* * *

  
  
  
“School,” Ryan grumbled from the backseat as Kirsten parked the car in the fire lane in front of Harbor.  
  
“It’s going to suck,” Seth echoed.  
  
“Do you boys need me to walk you inside? Do you have your lunches? Ryan, did you bring your calculator?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“No, yes and I don’t know,” Seth answered, opening his door. “Thanks for the ride, Mom,” he added.  
  
“Thanks, Kirsten. I’ll call you when I need bail,” Ryan muttered before he got out.  
  
All the kids were chatting away with their similarly dressed friends. It was an ocean of khaki and designer bags.  
  
“Breathe, dude, it’s just school,” Seth said, clapping him on the back.  
  
“Just school. I’ll try to remember that,” Ryan replied, following him toward the stairs as Kirsten pulled away.  
  
“Hey, Cohen will know, dude, come here!” Luke called from his perch by the entrance. “Do you know what the cheat code is to drop a tank in GTA?”  
  
Seth seemed surprised, but immediately started rattling off the video game codes automatically.  
  
Ryan motioned that he was going to find his locker and found himself on his own in the hall.  
  
He found his locker and stowed away his bag after consulting his schedule to see what he needed first.  
  
“Hey, Ryan,” Anna startled him and he jumped. “Sorry,” she laughed.  
  
“It’s okay. I’m just a little…spooked,” he admitted.  
  
“It’s not that scary, I promise. And you have me and Seth,” she said.  
  
“Thanks,” Ryan said.  
  
Seth appeared. “That was weird. They even knew that Marissa and I are broken up and they still talked to me. It’s like a whole new world.”  
  
“You’re telling me, I’m in private school. Now, somebody walk me to my class,” Ryan said.  
  
“You’re really spooked!” Anna said, awed.  
  
“No, I just don’t know where I’m going,” he replied coolly.  
  


* * *

  
  
Summer didn’t know where Marissa was. She’d been so upset but Summer had to go out with Zach last night and hadn’t been able to get in touch with her since.  
  
She’d even tried calling Julie and Jimmy, but neither had answered.  
  
Zach had picked her up for school and she’d managed to get through her first three classes without seeing Ryan.  
  
She walked with Holly to the courtyard, listening to her talk about how nice Zach was and how loud Luke snored. But Summer stopped listening when she saw Ryan sitting on the bricks by the trees. He was sitting on the edge with his legs slightly spread and he was leaning forward as he listened to Seth’s motoring mouth.  
  
He was wearing the jeans with the frayed hole in the inner thigh. She liked to poke her finger through it and tease him.  
  
“Summer?” Holly called.  
  
“Sorry. Luke sounds like a dying moose, go on,” she said, grateful that Holly continued and didn’t seem to realize that she wasn’t caring.  
  
His hair seemed blonder in the sunlight and his eyes were bluer against the clear sky. He was wearing a grey shirt that hugged his rippling muscles.  
  
She wanted to tackle him and fuck him stupid.  
  
“I guess that answers my question,” Holly said, chirping her way back into Summer’s consciousness.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I asked if you were going to keep fucking Ryan even though Zach seems to be your boyfriend again,” Holly asked.  
  
“No – I mean, Zach’s my boyfriend and Ryan’s out of my life,” Summer replied, tearing her eyes away.  
  
“Sure,” Holly smirked. “I mean, I can’t blame you – the guy’s smoking hot, and I can’t judge you because of what happened between me and Luke…but are you sure you picked the right guy? Zach seems kind of…’nice’ for you.”  
  
“I am totally nice!” Summer protested.  
  
“You know what I mean,” Holly said.  
  
“I’m with Zach. I have to be. It’s so complicated and I can’t question myself now,” Summer said.  
  
“It’s cool. Did you see what that freak in Civics did to his hair? God, it totally looked like he got attacked by a badger…”  
  
“Why a badger?” Summer asked, sitting down across from her at the table.  
  
Holly stared off into space for a moment, thinking.  
  
Summer was going to go by Marissa’s as soon as school let out. She needed her here.  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Because of his recent broken ribs and injuries, Ryan was excused from the first 3 weeks of gym and found himself with the last two periods of the day to spend with the math guys.  
  
It quickly turned into the best part of his day. He’d felt stifled in the classrooms with the boring teachers and redundant curriculum and he didn’t really ‘click’ with any of the kids apart from Seth and Anna. Luke and his friends had been cool to him, but he wanted to stay away from Summer’s circle as much as possible. He’d waved at Taylor but hadn’t actually talked to her.  
  
But Dr. Adams took him to his office and he chilled out on the couch and talked to the older man. He knew that it was just a way for the guy to figure out how much he knew, but he liked the teacher’s laid back, respectful attitude. When his time was up, he thought that he could really learn a lot from Dr. Adams.  
  
He quickly learned in his time with Mr. Jenkins that he was a caffeine addict, never without his thermos of coffee even as he scribbled on the whiteboard in his classroom. Instead of quizzing him about his knowledge, Mr. Jenkins asked him about his questions from the assignments.  
  
Ryan had completed all of the problems he’d been given, but he admitted that they’d taken him longer then he expected. When the guy asked for details, Ryan passed him his notes and the man began to explain shortcuts and formulas that saved him several steps.  
  
He was impressed.  
  
When the final bell rang, Seth found him quickly at his locker and told him that he was signing up for Lit Mag with Anna.  
  
Ryan watched as Seth stowed his things in Ryan’s locker before telling him that he’d meet him in the lounge in 30 minutes.  
  
Ryan piled his books in on top of Seth’s and took out the novel that he had to start reading for his English class and picking a seat by the window after buying his coffee.  
  
“This seat taken?”  
  
“No, hey, Taylor,” Ryan said, glancing up as she sad down on the couch beside him.  
  
“I wasn’t sure if you’d talk to me in public,” she whispered.  
  
“Why not?” he whispered back.  
  
“You just don’t get it, do you?” Taylor asked, cocking her head to the side. “You’re the hot new kid. And you’ve got a mysterious past – you’re like the coolest thing to walk into Harbor…ever.”  
  
“You’re full of it,” Ryan said. “I’m just another kid.”  
  
“Everybody knows who you are, Ryan,” Taylor said.  
  
He shifted in his seat, closing his book. “That actually is not comforting at all.”  
  
“Sorry,” she apologized. “What did you think of Harbor before I came over?”  
  
“I hadn’t decided yet,” Ryan replied.  
  


* * *

  
  
Seth found out that Marissa was on medical leave on Friday from one of the kids in Lit Mag.  
  
They said it was anorexia, but Seth didn’t think so.  
  
He gathered up all his courage and approached Summer in the parking lot, ignoring her icy glare.  
  
“I just want to know if she’s okay,” Seth said.  
  
“It wasn’t because of you – you give yourself too much credit.”  
  
“Summer. I care about her. I was drunk and I made a mistake, don’t act like it’s never happened to you -” Seth replied.  
  
She glared at him again, but something in her eyes had shifted.  
  
He remembered why he’d crushed on her for so long with those doe-eyes and lashes. “Please, is she okay?”  
  
“She’s not anorexic, but that’s what her mom is feeding everybody. That sounds wrong,” she realized before shaking off her thought and continuing. “I think it was because she was drinking. This stuff with her dad getting arrested and her mom being, well, Julie Cooper – she just let things spin out of control.”  
  
“Do you know where she is?” Seth asked.  
  
“Maybe. Why?” Summer asked in return.  
  
“I just…we were friends before we tried dating and I guess…she could use some friends and god knows I miss her,” Seth admitted.  
  
She tilted her head, appraising him.  
  
Anna hadn’t pushed him into dating, accepting that they’d made a mistake and even though she was hot and funny and perfect – he missed Marissa more.  
  
“Well, if I thought you’d do it, I’d just give you letters – but I know you’d just trash them,” Seth said.  
  
“I wouldn’t trash them. I’ll give you her address. She can get mail in a couple of days but we can’t visit her because we’re not immediate family,” Summer said.  
  
“How long’s she going to be gone?”  
  
“Until she’s better,” Summer replied solemnly.  
  
“Thanks,” Seth said, taking the small scrap of paper and turning to leave.  
  
“Cohen?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“How’s…Ryan?” she asked, her face serious.  
  
“He’s okay. Or he will be eventually,” Seth replied. He felt sympathy for Summer despite her lies. “We all make mistakes and sometimes people’s hearts get broken and we can’t take it back.”  
  
Summer nodded, smiling at him sadly. “But it should matter that we’re sorry.”  
  
Seth shrugged. “That’s probably really easy for you and me to say, but we’re not the ones that got screwed. Wait – that came out wrong…”  
  
“I know what you mean, Seth. I’ll see you around,” Summer said, climbing into her car.  
  


* * *

  
  
Marissa’s hands shook as she fingered the letters her counselor had brought to her.  
  
She hadn’t expected letters – she hadn’t expected people to know she was in rehab.  
  
Summer’s curvy scrawl surrounded by hearts and smilies made her cry but she opened it first.  
  
The paper smelled like chocolate and Marissa didn’t care how Summer had managed that because she was just glad that her friend didn’t hate her for being a weak basket case.  
  
She read each line slowly, savoring the contact no matter how distant, smiling as she read about Summer’s new housekeeper and Zach’s stupid jokes and how her Dad was being nice to her again since she had worn capris three days in a row. The last page was lined with the cartoon hearts and words of encouragement and promises that Summer would kick anyone’s ass who she heard gossiping.  
  
There were two more cards from Summer with pictures of men in their tighty-whities because it was something they always giggled about.  
  
She saved the package for last, tearing the tape off with her gnawed nails despite the Cohen return address.  
  
There were several cds and a tiny pink Ipod with her name engraved on the side and a quick peek at the playlist made her heart flip. Seth seemed to have remembered every song she’d ever mentioned listening to. The fact that he listened to her when she talked wasn’t lost on her now.  
  
There was a Jack Kerouac novel and a small leather-bound journal with several pages of sketch paper tucked inside.  
  
The pages were numbered and the comic had been painstakingly colored in brightly with pictures of Seth’s cartoon alter ego on his knees with flowers extended to a beautiful image of a girl with a broken heart. There was a large caricature of a vodka bottle that was the villain and she had to laugh at his twisted sense of humor. On the last page, the evil alcohol had been defeated and the hero and the girl were holding hands even though her heart was still drawn as broken.  
  
In the very bottom of the box was a folded sheet of notebook paper with Seth’s neat handwriting. “ _If you can ever forgive me, I’d really like to be your friend again.”  
_  
She took out the journal and started a letter to Summer, starting her new Ipod and trying to think of anything upbeat she could say without talking about Seth’s gift.  
  
Finally, she decided to tell her about Oliver, the kid in her group that had given her his dessert at dinner.  
  


* * *

  
  
Caleb enjoyed having dinner at Kirsten’s. Her family was so boisterous and happy that it made him wish he could have been a better father to Kirsten and Hailey when they were the boys’ ages.  
  
Ryan finally seemed comfortable in his skin and even contributed to the conversation and talked about his schoolwork.  
  
But neither boy talked about their girls.  
  
Caleb had a feeling that they’d land on their feet in that regard.  
  
He was outside smoking a Cuban with his scotch when Ryan appeared, looking apprehensive.  
  
“Can I talk to you, Caleb?” he hesitated.  
  
“Of course, what’s on your mind?” Caleb asked.  
  
“I was wondering if you could, maybe, get me a job on one of your sites,” Ryan said.  
  
Caleb was surprised. “Kiki and Sandy don’t give you money?”  
  
“No, no, they’re great, but they’ve give me so much and I feel like I’m taking advantage…I’m used to earning my own money…” Ryan replied.  
  
“But you don’t have to anymore…” Caleb protested.  
  
“I hate asking them for money,” he admitted. “And I’m healthy again – I can do the work…”  
  
“Don’t you have school to focus on?”  
  
“School’s easy…I mean, I’ll still have time at night to do my work,” Ryan said.  
  
“How about this – let me think about it, ask around and I’ll let you know. What do Kirsten and Sandy think?”  
  
“I haven’t exactly asked them yet,” Ryan replied.  
  
“They’ll have to agree, I won’t go behind their backs.”  
  
“I’ll ask, I promise. Thanks,” Ryan said.  
  
Caleb puffed off his cigar and considered what kind of people had created this kind of kid.  
  


* * *


	19. Chapter 19

  
Sandy was sitting in the kitchen when Ryan came down to start the coffee before Seth made it too strong.  
  
“Hey, kid, just who I was hoping to run into today,” Sandy said.  
  
“I see you every day,” Ryan replied.  
  
“True. But I think we need to have a talk, don’t we?”  
  
Ryan glanced at him and could see that Caleb had already mentioned his job request to him. “Yeah.”  
  
He sat down at the counter and waited for his lecture.  
  
“Why do you want a job all of a sudden?” Sandy asked.  
  
“I just…I’d like to have my own money,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Can I ask you what you’d spend it on?”  
  
Ryan didn’t know how Sandy was seeing through his words but he decided to continue trusting the man and just lay his cards on the table. “I want to send some money to Trey, like, if he can’t have money, then cigarettes or something and it’s not really something I feel comfortable using your money for,” he said.  
  
“Oh. That’s not the answer I was expecting, but let’s roll with it. You haven’t mentioned your brother often…but I should have realized he was on your mind,” Sandy said. “How about I make some calls and see if you and I could drive up for a visit soon?”  
  
Ryan was stricken. “Really?”  
  
“You’ve been brooding for days over Summer…if this will make you feel a little better, then I’m open for it. He can’t get you into much trouble since he’s locked up – and you’re a smart kid. I would never try and separate you from your real family unless they were putting you in danger,” Sandy said quietly. “Do you understand?”  
  
Ryan nodded, looking down.  
  
“Now. Back to the after-school job…” Sandy said, patting him on the back before plucking a fresh bagel from the basket.  
  
“She has the same lunch as I do,” Ryan muttered. “And she watches me with those big brown eyes…and then I see her in the lounge with him and she’ll put her arm around him and he’s always smiling…”  
  
“Zach’s smiling?”  
  
“Yeah…she doesn’t really smile…but she looks at me, Sandy, all the time and it’s like…I can’t breathe because I miss her and I can’t get her out of my brain…I need something else to fill my time. A job.”  
  
“Oh, we’re back to the job, okay.”  
  
“I need to do something useful – get my hands dirty so I can sleep through the night without all this…crap crawling into my dreams,” Ryan said.  
  
“Have you considered going out with a new girl? There are girls calling here all the time for you,” Sandy said.  
  
Ryan sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I don’t want a new girl when I can’t forget about the old one. I just need something else.”  
  
“All right,” Sandy said.  
  
“What?”  
  
“You can get a part time job. And lucky for you, there’s already an offer on the table from Caleb. But if it interferes with your schoolwork or becomes too time-consuming, you’ll have to resign. Your school comes first,” Sandy said.  
  
“Thanks,” Ryan replied. “That’s cool.”  
  
“I’ll always try to give you the benefit of the doubt, kid, but you’ve got to give me the chance,” Sandy said.  
  


* * *

  
Summer laughed at Zach’s joke even though he’d told the same one after school, almost as a dry run for their dinner with her Dad.  
  
She could barely eat, the food tasteless despite the happy atmosphere.  
  
Her Dad had bought her a new car. She’d burned a hole in the passenger seat of her previous one and he’d done it without consulting her, calling it an apology present.  
  
He said he was proud of her for ‘making the right choice’.  
  
And Zach seemed blissfully happy and hadn’t even pushed her after her recent ‘taking it slow’ request.  
  
She didn’t like the way his hands felt on her.  
  
At first, she’d close her eyes and pretend that Ryan was touching her, but Zach’s hands didn’t ‘fit’.  
  
She missed Marissa. The letters were a pale comparison to a friend.  
  
Zach didn’t even know Marissa.  
  
“Do you want to send back the soup?” Zach asked her, concerned.  
  
“No, its fine, I was just letting it cool,” she replied, forcing another spoonful into her mouth.  
  
She’d watched Ryan at lunch all week and had been glad to see him slowly relaxing at Harbor.  
  
He had girls following in his wake and Summer wanted to claw their eyes out.  
  
But he wasn’t hers anymore.  
  
She had soup and Zach and Daddy’s new car. It should be enough. It had to be enough.  
  


* * *

  
Summer tapped on Ryan’s window with her recently painted nails.  
  
She gave him her best pleading look and tried not to think about his adorably mussed hair and befuddled expression.  
  
He unlocked the window and opened it. “What the hell are you doing?” he whispered.  
  
“I have to talk to you,” she said. She’d brought along a portable exercise step and climbed into his window before he could protest.  
  
Ryan was appraising her with his eyes.  
  
She had on tight-fitting capris again and a ¾ sleeve sweater. She was a perky perfect teenage girl. All she needed were pompoms and pigtails.  
  
“I miss you,” she said.  
  
Ryan crossed his arms.  
  
“I can’t take you not talking to me – it’s driving me crazy,” she said, stepping toward him. “And I know you’re not seeing anyone else…”  
  
“Are you following me or something? What the hell, Summer? You’re with Zach – I told you, I’m not doing this,” he replied, stepping backwards to increase the distance.  
  
“Just…can we just…be friends or something?” Anything – she just needed him in her life.  
  
“No,” he said, his eyes flashing. “You’re tearing me apart, Summer – you either want to be with me or you don’t…”  
  
“I want you, Ryan…but it’s not that easy…I…  
  
“You should go. If you get lonely – maybe you should go see Zach.”  
  
She hated the way he looked at her and she hated the way he hated her…  
  
“What did you think was going to happen when you came here tonight?” he asked, his face lined with hurt.  
  
She moved against him, kissing him desperately, holding his solid body against hers to try and show him how much she needed him.  
  
He returned her passion at first, letting her kiss him and she felt her body come to life as she realized that he still wanted her, too. But he finally pulled back, pushing her away. “No…”  
  
She wiped tears off her face. “I haven’t let Zach touch me…I can’t stop thinking about you…” she said, hating the way her voice cracked.  
  
“You can’t have me, not like this. Not if you’re with Zach…”  
  
She stifled a sob. “Ryan…I just…Marissa’s gone and I can’t…I can’t do this on my own…I need you, Ryan, please don’t make me leave…”  
  
He wrapped his arms around her shaking body and she felt like she was breaking into pieces.  
  
He held her tightly and she let herself cry and prayed that he wouldn’t let go of her.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan tucked Summer into bed after she cried herself to sleep and took his blanket out to the couch.  
  
But he couldn’t sleep. He had too many things spiraling through his head.  
  
He was watching an infomercial when Rosa appeared, immediately questioning Summer’s car on the curb outside.  
  
Kirsten joined them and he followed her into the kitchen and paused long enough to bang his head on the cabinet several times in frustration.  
  
“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“Summer’s here, he slept on the couch,” Rosa commented helpfully.  
  
“She has a boyfriend, but she comes here – to _me_ – and she’s…I’m trying to do the right thing…”  
  
Kirsten squeezed his shoulder.  
  
“She really hurt me,” Ryan admitted.  
  
“But you let her stay.”  
  
“It doesn’t mean I don’t still care about her,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Tell you what. Go lie down in the poolhouse, try to get a few hours of sleep at least before Sandy comes for you. I’ll take care of Summer.”  
  
Ryan gave her a doubtful look.  
  
“I’ll be nice.”  
  
Rosa ushered him out of the kitchen before he could protest any further.  
  


* * *

  
  
“You hate me,” Summer said when Kirsten entered Ryan’s room.  
  
Summer was bundled up in Ryan’s sheets looking painfully small.  
  
“I don’t hate you, Summer,” she said.  
  
“You should,” Summer replied.  
  
Kirsten couldn’t help but feel sorry for the girl, she was obviously upset.  
  
“I think I love Ryan. But my father…he’s all I have…I’m 16 – I can’t do this by myself …my best friend’s in rehab because I didn’t see how much she was hurting and my boyfriend’s a republican robot and Ryan – he can’t even look at me…and I don’t want my daddy to hate me…” Summer said, sniffling as she tried to hold in her tears.  
  
She knew this girl had broken Ryan’s heart but all she could see right now was a little girl who needed a hug – who needed a mother.  
  
“Your father could never hate you, Summer, you’re a beautiful, smart, clever, talented young woman. In his own twisted way – he thinks he’s doing what’s right for you – even if it’s totally wrong for you. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can promise you that no one hates you,” she said gently, stroking Summer’s dark hair. “Sandy and Ryan are going out today, you’re welcome to hang out with me if you don’t want to go home.”  
  
“But Ryan…”  
  
“He has to make his own decision, Summer. He’s not going to be here and it’s up to him if he wants to see you.”  
  
“Thanks,” Summer replied.  
  
“Now. Since you’re already nice and comfy, I want you to get a couple more hours of sleep and give the boys some more quiet time while Rosa and I clean the house. You need your rest so you can think more clearly.  
  
Summer nodded. “I’m sorry…I’m freaking out…”  
  
“You’re a teenage girl, drama is your life,” Kirsten replied. “Close your eyes.”  
  
Kirsten couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to raise a child without Sandy. And now, with Ryan, they had even more to juggle. Neil wasn’t a bad man, but he was treating Summer more like a pawn than like a daughter.  
  
She just hoped Ryan wouldn’t hold it against her.  
  


* * *

  
Seth had to call in reinforcements. Anna was stopping by the art store to pick up more markers and Taylor was on snack duty.  
  
But he didn’t remember calling Summer, yet she was sitting in his kitchen eating a bagel with his mom when he came downstairs.  
  
“Seth, I didn’t expect to see you here today,” Kirsten said.  
  
“Yeah, I’ve got some friends coming over, we were going to hang out in the poolhouse,” Seth replied, picking up the last bagel with a frown.  
  
“Oh, don’t pout, there’s still cereal and fruit,” his mom said as he took the seat next to Summer at the counter.  
  
“Um, where’s Ryan?” Seth asked.  
  
“Sandy’s taken him to see his brother in Chino,” she replied quietly.  
  
“In jail?” Summer asked before Seth could.  
  
“Yeah, I think so. He wasn’t really detailed in his explanation, but I’m sure it’ll be fine,” she said, her eyes flashing worriedly.  
  
“Is Trey okay?” Seth asked.  
  
“I think Ryan missed him,” Kirsten replied. “But Sandy’s with him and I’m sure it’s just a friendly visit. What are you doing in the poolhouse?”  
  
“Anna and Taylor are coming over to help me with something,” Seth said, ignoring Summer’s scathing glare.  
  
“Something for school?” his mom asked.  
  
“I’ve been sending these…comics to Marissa. And this one just got to be too long and I need them to help me color in the frames. Anna writes neater than I do and she prints in the captions for me as long as I pay her in Cheetos because her ‘keeper’ only feeds her granola,” Seth replied.  
  
“Marissa told me about those comics – she said you gave me huge tits,” Summer announced, immediately blushing. “Sorry…breasts…”  
  
“I noticed she’s been writing you back, how’s she doing?”  
  
“All right, as far as she tells me,” Seth said, glancing at Summer. “She has this new friend, Oliver…”  
  
“Does he seem strangely creepy to you?” Summer asked him.  
  
“Very. Like, he’s *all* she talks about and I just…I feel like I’m losing her and there’s nothing I can do,” Seth admitted. “This guy just seems too good to be true…”  
  
“Even though he’s hitting on her in rehab – which is totally not cool,” Summer added.  
  
“Exactly,” Seth agreed.  
  
“You guys aren’t together anymore, Seth, she has a right to see other people,” Kirsten said. “I don’t want your jealousy to get in the way of her recovery.”  
  
“I haven’t said anything to her, Mom. Right now, I’m just glad she’s talking to me, or writing to me or whatever,” Seth replied.  
  
“And once she’s out of rehab, she won’t see him again,” Summer added kindly. “Not that she won’t still hate you.”  
  
“Thanks,” Seth replied. “So, how are you at coloring inside the lines?”  
  
Summer gave him a strange look. “I think I can handle it.”  
  


* * *

  
“Jesus H. Christ – where the fuck have you been?” the voice demanded before Ryan was pulled into a fierce hug that lasted until the guard cleared his throat from the doorway.  
  
Sandy hadn’t expected that kind of greeting but he could see the effect on Ryan immediately, his face bright with a genuine smile.  
  
“Damn, Trey, what are they feeding you in here?” Ryan asked as the taller man with the same blue eyes sat down across from them at the table.  
  
“Not getting the same _‘running from the cops’_ exercise that I used to,” Trey grinned before turning his attention to Sandy. “Trey Atwood.”  
  
“Sandy Cohen,” he said, shaking his hand firmly.  
  
“Sandy’s my lawyer, I live with his family now…Mom ditched,” Ryan said.  
  
Trey’s face darkened. “She left you? Shit, Ry…why didn’t you call?”  
  
“Call where? What could you do, Trey? I tried Teresa and Eddie – hell, I tried everyone…I needed a place to stay and Sandy’s been really good to me.”  
  
Trey studied Sandy suspiciously. “You some kind of perv?”  
  
“No, it’s not like that, Trey, seriously,” Ryan said. “I’m in school, he’s got a son my age and we’re friends. He’s cool.”  
  
“Well, you look all right…no bruises, no scars,” Trey said, tapping Ryan’s chin and making him frown from the obviously familiar gesture.  
  
“How are you? You getting by?” Ryan asked.  
  
Trey shrugged. “You know me, Ry, I always get by. But I’ve been worried as hell about you – Mom hasn’t come by and Teresa didn’t know where you went…”  
  
“I live in Newport Beach – and you wouldn’t believe it if I told you,” Ryan said.  
  
“I don’t believe it now – but I do want to hear about it,” Trey replied.  
  
“I’ll give you two some time and see if our packages got through security yet,” Sandy said, seeing that Trey genuinely cared about Ryan.  
  
And the grateful smile from Ryan made the whole trip worth it.  
  


* * *

  
Summer spent all afternoon coloring Seth’s remarkably good comics with Taylor and Anna, who after their initial hate had turned out to be entertaining and not bitches at all.  
  
She didn’t even feel like she was betraying Marissa because they were making things for her.  
  
Zach picked her up after she’d gone home for a shower and they went to the yacht club and had dinner.  
  
Zach didn’t seem to think anything was wrong, he was chatting amicably about foreign policy and she tried to keep her eyes from glazing over.  
  
She couldn’t stop thinking about Kirsten’s kindness. Ryan’s arms around her. Seth’s ‘quest for forgiveness’.  
  
Then she remembered her father’s proud smile at dinner as he announced his official campaign plan for the following fall.  
  
Her daddy needed her. She had to make the right choice.  
  
“Let’s make love,” Summer said, looking at Zach. “Tonight. My dad’s not home and he never comes in my room anyway. It’ll be…awesome.”  
  
“You… really?”  
  
“You said you were committed to me. Let’s get committed. Let’s consummate our relationship,” she said.  
  
“Check please!” Zach called.  
  
She was making the right choice. She could totally do this.  
  


* * *

  
She giggled when Oliver tried to kiss her in the courtyard, but he’d accepted that she was in love with someone else and she really respected that about him.  
  
She didn’t know how she would have made it through rehab without Oliver’s friendship. He’d listened to her cry about Seth and worry about Summer and had told her all about his ex-girlfriend, Natalie, and how she’d cheated on him and wanted him back.  
  
They had so much in common that she was going to be sad to see him go.  
  
So she was really happy when he told her that he was transferring to Harbor. It would be so nice to have someone around to go to AA meetings with and she just knew that Summer and even Seth would really like Oliver.  
  
She hurried to a computer to send Summer an email to tell her the good news.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan didn’t talk to Summer again for several days even after she’d apparently spent the day with Kirsten and Seth while he’d been in Chino.  
  
But something had changed between her and Zach.  
  
He could see it.  
  
Zach had always clearly been into Summer, but he was following her in an entirely different way now.  
  
She’d snipped his balls and had him trailing in her wake like a trained puppy.  
  
She was always giggling and smiling now, with Holly and Luke and even Taylor who had infiltrated Summer’s circle, despite her claims of being ‘invisible’.  
  
Ryan had to get her off his mind and was glad on Wednesday when Caleb picked him up from school for his first day of work.  
  
He found out quickly that he wasn’t going to be working construction. He even had a desk set up for him outside of Caleb’s office and got a tour of the entire building.  
  
He hadn’t realized that business women could be so hot but Caleb made it clear how old he was and instead of being able to flirt, he was stuffed with candy and found out who had eligible daughters.  
  
After he visited with the engineers, Caleb left him there and they quizzed him thoroughly before seating him in the corner with a stack of figures to check.  
  
It distracted him and kept him busy until almost six when he got Caleb’s call to get his things together.  
  
He was waiting by the elevators when the curvaceous blonde approached.  
  
She was out of place in the office in a short wraparound skirt and a bikini top that showed off her impressive breasts.  
  
“Who are you supposed to be?” she purred, leaning close and sniffing his neck seductively.  
  
He leaned back, staying cool despite her hotness and using his tried and true line, “Whoever you want me to be.”  
  
She smiled at him, licking her lips. “You look kind of delicious – home grown California boy just waiting for a proposition.”  
  
“Are you propositioning me?” he countered.  
  
“Maybe,” she said, placing a hand strategically on his ass and pulling him close before slowly bringing her lips against his.  
  
“Ryan!” Caleb’s voice boomed in his ear and he jolted away from the woman’s lips.  
  
“Daddy, hey…” the woman said.  
  
“Wait, _what_?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Hailey, what the hell are you doing here?” Caleb demanded.  
  
“I came to see you…” Hailey replied.  
  
“Hailey? You’re Kirsten’s sister – I mean – really?” Ryan asked, speechless.  
  
“Who exactly are you?” she asked. “And why am I in trouble?”  
  
Caleb looked like he was going to explode. Ryan felt a shudder of fear that he’d lost all chance of living through the rest of the night.  
  
“Both of you – in my car – now,” he ordered.  
  
“Shit – your name’s Ryan – you’re Kirsten’s new kid…” Hailey realized as they were marched toward the parking lot. “She didn’t say you were hot…”  
  
“Yeah, Kirsten omitted that fact about you, too,” Ryan replied.  
  
“I can’t believe this – I’m just glad I don’t have any more daughters,” Caleb muttered, cuffing Ryan lightly on the hair.  
  
Ryan was relieved by the gesture, accepting that Caleb wasn’t really going to murder him.  
  
“How old are you?” Hailey asked, looking at him across the roof of the car.  
  
“Hailey – in the car, now!” Caleb barked.  
  


* * *


	20. Chapter 20

  
  
“Seth?”  
  
“Hey, Marissa, how are you?” Seth asked, recognizing the voice after a moment. He waved off his mom’s questions and took the phone outside onto the patio.  
  
“I’m okay. I really like the letters you send to me…the music especially, it really reminds me of you when you were still a nice guy,” she said.  
  
“I know I have a lot to make up for, but I’m just happy being your friend. I miss you, Marissa. A lot.”  
  
“I think you may have mentioned that,” she giggled.  
  
“So, you’re doing better, that’s great – I haven’t gotten a letter from you in a couple of days,” Seth replied, making it seem like he hadn’t been obsessing over the lack of mail.  
  
“I’ve been really busy. Oliver and I have been helping some of the new patients that are going through DT’s. You’re really going to like Oliver, he’s so much fun and he’s really helped me get through this.”  
  
“I’m glad that you’ve made such good friends,” he said, managing not to sound jealous at all in his head.  
  
“Did Summer tell you the great news?”  
  
“She’s been pretty busy with Zach, haven’t seen her around much,” he replied.  
  
“Oliver’s coming to Harbor. You’re really going to like him. He’s getting over a bad relationship and I was thinking…maybe you and I could help him find a nice girl…maybe double date?”  
  
“Date, like you and me?” Seth replied, not wanting to touch the ‘Oliver’ revelation.  
  
“Yeah. You…you’ve been a really good friend to me. And I know you aren’t dating Anna. You…you seem really sorry and most guys wouldn’t have worked so hard to prove to me that you care,” she said.  
  
Seth let out his breath without dropping the phone.  
  
“So…I get to come home in a few days. I’m going to stay with my Dad because even though he’s dealing with all this legal stuff…I still like him better than my mom these days. She hasn’t written me at all,” Marissa said, the smile in her voice faltering. “Oliver’s throwing a party to celebrate our freedom and I’d really like it if you’d come so we can hang out. Summer’s going to be there with Zach, but I hope that Ryan comes too. You know he wrote me letters?”  
  
“Really?” Seth asked, surprised.  
  
“More like postcards, he’s not much for the words, but they were still really sweet. He said he got the address when he brought in your mail. Anyway, just ask him for me? I want you both to meet Oliver, he doesn’t know anyone in Newport and I’d rather him hang out with you guys than Luke and his groupies,” she said.  
  
“Call me when you get home,” Seth replied. “We can talk about it then. I…I can’t wait to see you,” he added.  
  
“Me either.”

* * *

  
“Hi, Ryan, how was your first day at work?” Kirsten smiled when he was ushered into the kitchen  
  
“His first day of work was fine, but wait until you see who I found him kissing in the lobby,” Caleb muttered, not seeming to realize how sullen Ryan was behind his bangs.  
  
“Hi, Kirsten. You got yourself a ‘fine’ new son,” Hailey grinned walking in behind her dad.  
  
“Hailey. You didn’t,” Kirsten whispered.  
  
“You didn’t send any pictures, how was I supposed to know this little stud belonged to you?” Hailey asked, innocently.  
  
Ryan seemed to become more and more uncomfortable the longer he stood in Caleb’s shadow.  
  
“Explain. Now,” Kirsten said, glaring at Ryan long enough to encourage him to move over to sit on the stool.  
  
“I was in the lobby looking for dad, I saw the kid, Ryan, and thought he was cute so I kissed him,” Hailey shrugged.  
  
“There was definite reciprocation,” Caleb grumbled, crossing his arms.  
  
“Your sister’s hot,” Ryan said quietly. “I didn’t know she was a Nichol, or how old she was.”  
  
“Hey!” Hailey protested.  
  
“No more kissing strange women,” Kirsten said, patting Ryan on the back to reassure him that she wasn’t going to punish him.  
  
“He did very well today apart from the lobby incident,” Caleb said. “From now on, either Kirsten or myself will come to your desk to let you know it’s time to go, so you don’t get mauled walking by the copier or at the water cooler.”  
  
“What’s up, dude?” Seth asked, walking into the kitchen with his phone. “Aunt Hailey!”  
  
“Look at you, hot stuff!” Hailey smiled, embracing Seth.  
  
“Why are you on the punishment stool? Did Grandpa fire you already?” Seth joked.  
  
“I kissed him and Dad caught me,” Hailey said.  
  
Seth choked back a laugh as Caleb glared at him.  
  
“So, are you staying here?”  
  
“Kirsten? Room for me in the poolhouse?”  
  
“You’ll be upstairs, next to Seth,” Kirsten replied. “No trouble, Hailey, I mean it.”  
  
“Are you guys still going to the Dylan concert this weekend in the Vegas?” Seth asked her.  
  
Hailey raised an eyebrow. “I don’t expect you guys to cancel plans just because I’m in town.”  
  
“Can I trust you home alone with the boys for two days?”  
  
“Of course!” Hailey promised.  
  
Kirsten would have to make sure and run through the ground rules with Hailey before bringing up the trip’s reservations with Sandy.  
  


* * *

  
“Hey, Cohen, did you get invited to Marissa’s party this weekend?” Luke asked, approaching Seth in the parking lot before school the next day.  
  
“Sort of, why?”  
  
“Because, well, she called me and it was all weird. Like, she doesn’t hate me anymore and wants us to be friends but she kept talking about this dude and even though the two of you are broken up – it’s kind of sleazy to hook up with someone in a rehab clinic,” Luke said, leaning against the Rover.  
  
“Oliver,” Seth said. “I haven’t met him yet, so I can’t really judge, but she says they’re just friends.”  
  
“And you believe her?” Luke asked.  
  
“I have to, I’m in the doghouse,” Seth replied. “I can’t look like I’m jealous if we’re not back together yet. And if he’s helping her get better, then who am I to say it’s not cool?”  
  
“You’re a better man than me, I’d kick his ass,” Luke muttered.  
  
“I seem to remember that part of your personality well,” Seth replied.  
  
Luke snorted. “But you know it’s weird.”  
  
“Yeah, I know. But I have to trust her, Luke. At least before I make up my mind.”  
  
“Me and Holly are going to go, just to check things out. Summer and Zach too, I’m sure. If you need a ride…” Luke offered.  
  
“I’m trying to talk Ryan into being my wingman,” Seth said. “But I might need you to remind me of the whole ‘not being jealous’ stuff I just talked about.”  
  
“Sure thing, dude. I hope Ryan turns out. Zach’s all right, but he’s a little stiff,” Luke said, stretching and shouldering his bag. “See you later.”  
  
Seth had to stop focusing on Oliver and focus on Marissa. She was the important part in all of this.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan closed his locker and jumped when he saw Summer standing beside him, her brown eyes locked on him, determined.  
  
“Can I help you?” he asked when she didn’t say anything.  
  
“You have to come to Marissa’s party tomorrow,” she said. “I’m under strict orders to make sure you’re there. Marissa wants all her friends around her and you’re her friend.”  
  
“Seth’s already told me about it,” Ryan replied.  
  
“I need Marissa to be all right,” Summer stated. “She’s my best friend and I need her to be all right. She wants you there.”  
  
“I have to watch you walk around with Zach all day, I guess I can do it for a few more hours for Marissa,” Ryan said after a beat.  
  
“Thank you. It means a lot. To Marissa,” Summer added.  
  
Ryan watched her walk away, stumbling a little as she turned the corner.  
  
“My offer to make her jealous is still on the table,” Taylor said, approaching him.  
  
“I’m not into those kinds of games, Taylor, they only make things worse.”  
  
“She doesn’t love him,” Taylor said quietly. “She’s just confused.”  
  
“I know, Taylor.”  
  
“I want to go to the party,” Taylor said. “We don’t have to make her jealous, but it’s all anyone’s talking about and I’d really like to go.”  
  
Ryan sighed. Seth walked up, looking at him curiously.  
  
“Taylor wants to come to Oliver’s party, do you think they’ll let her in?” Ryan asked him.  
  
“I didn’t know you were friends with Marissa,” Seth replied, surprised.  
  
”I’m not, really. But…”  
  
“You should ask Summer if it’s okay. Like, it’s a welcome home party so I don’t know how many people are going to be there,” Seth said, catching Ryan’s vibe.  
  
“I’m not going to be your ladder on your rise to popularity,” Ryan said quietly. “If you’d said you wanted to come because you knew I’d be upset about Summer and Zach, or even because you cared about Marissa it wouldn’t be an issue, but you said you wanted to go because everybody’s talking about it and I’m not down with that reason.”  
  
Taylor flushed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…”  
  
“This whole place, all the acts and pretending that everybody does – it just gets to me sometimes. Summer and Zach and me having to pretend like I’m okay with it – it’s all such bullshit,” Ryan said.  
  
“If you really don’t want to go,” Seth started.  
  
“No, I have to go, but only as a favor to you and Marissa,” Ryan replied.  
  
“I’m sorry, Ryan,” Taylor said, hurrying away.  
  
“You were a little harsh on her, weren’t you?” Seth asked.  
  
“I don’t think so. You think so?” Ryan questioned.  
  
“You really don’t care about being popular, about what people think of you?” Seth asked.  
  
Ryan shrugged. “People, sure. But not these rich kids who’ve never worked a day in their life and think their shit smells like roses. Summer and her friends, they’re all right kids, but they’re not more special than you or me.”  
  
Seth nodded, thoughtful.  
  
“I am not looking forward to this party.”  
  
“Luke said he hopes you come by. Says Zach’s a stiff.”  
  
“When’d you talk to Luke?” Ryan asked, following him out.  
  
“This morning, asked me what I thought about Oliver,” Seth answered. “He thinks it’s weird, too.”  
  
“We haven’t met him yet, has Luke met him?” Ryan asked.  
  
“No. But that’s me and Luke and Summer all thinking he’s creepy and we haven’t even met him yet,” Seth said.  
  
“What if he turns out to be, like, really hot? She could just have a crush,” Ryan said.  
  
Seth glared at him. “You are totally not helping me here, buddy.”  
  
“Sorry. But let’s not overreact. We’ll meet him in a few hours and everything will fall into place. Don’t stress.”  
  
“What am I going to wear?” Seth asked, paling as he started the car.  
  
Ryan patted Seth on the shoulder and tried not to laugh.  
  


* * *

  
“What’s wrong with you? I thought you’d be excited to get to see Marissa,” Zach said, rubbing her shoulders as she stared at her closet in her bra and flared jeans.  
  
“I am excited,” she said, shaking off his hands. “Just nervous.”  
  
Zach was silent and she breathed a sigh of relief under her breath when she heard the springs on her bed creak as he sat down on the mattress.  
  
“You know, at first I thought the person you were seeing while I was in DC was Marissa. I didn’t peg you for the lesbian type, experimental maybe, but you missed her so much and you were so sad and stiff,” Zach said quietly.  
  
She didn’t turn around but she knew he could tell she was listening because she’d gone completely rigid.  
  
“And then you said you wanted to make love and I thought it was because you were satisfied that Marissa was going to be okay…but then I finally opened my eyes and saw the way you look at Ryan.”  
  
“What?” she whispered, turning around.  
  
“You watch him like he’s _yours_ ,” Zach said, meeting her gaze steadily. “I’ve never seen you look at me that way. It’s not Marissa, it’s never been about Marissa. You don’t love me because you’re not over Ryan.”  
  
“Where is this coming from?” she asked. She’d been doing everything right, not talking to Ryan, playing the part of the perfect girlfriend – hell, she’d been doing missionary for days for him…  
  
“You don’t talk to me. You don’t even seem to like me that much – you’re definitely not the girl I spent all those months writing to,” he said, finally letting a flash of hurt run slip across his face.  
  
“I do like you, Zach, I care about you so much…”  
  
“But you care about Ryan more. I feel like a fool…”  
  
“I told you there was someone else…”  
  
“You told me it was over…”  
  
“It is over, god, it is so over – he hates me because I didn’t tell him about you…”  
  
Zach stared at her, surprised. After a moment, he shook his head. “It’s not over, Summer because you still want him.”  
  
“Why are you doing this now? I need you right now, I need you to be my boyfriend and believe me,” Summer said, tears slipping down her cheeks. She couldn’t handle this tonight.  
  
“Are you sleeping with him?” Zach asked her bluntly.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Did you? Before?”  
  
She looked him straight in the face. “Yes. Lots.”  
  
Zach frowned, his eyes flashing again before he nodded. “Okay.”  
  
“I am committed to you, to us – to this relationship, wherever it takes us, together,” she said, reinforcing it with a kiss.  
  
He relaxed against her, returning her kiss.  
  
She hoped he couldn’t feel how hard her heart was pounding.  
  
Nothing in her life had ever felt this wrong.  
  


* * *

  
Kirsten and Sandy had flown to Vegas with Caleb for their concert and weekend excursion, leaving the house with Hailey and the boys. She’d wished them luck when they’d left the house in the Rover headed for Oliver’s hotel room.  
  
“We’re going to his ‘suite’. Who lives in a hotel – unless they’re on a teen soap opera like, 90210, or Veronica Mars or something,” Seth said, trying to ‘talk out’ his nervous tension as Ryan drove.  
  
“It’s all going to be cool,” Ryan said, coolly, as always.  
  
Seth felt steadier with Ryan by his side. “So…you think I can joke around her? Like, should I just let you talk so I don’t say something insensitive that makes her break into the liquor cabinet and go all _Nicholas Cage_ on me?”  
  
“Just be yourself. She’s still Marissa…just sober. You like sober Marissa, she’s not going to break,” Ryan said. “If you tiptoe around her, you’ll only make her more self-conscious.”  
  
Seth nodded.  
  
“And we’re going to be nice to Oliver,” Ryan stated.  
  
“Absolutely,” Seth agreed.  
  
But when Ryan pulled into the parking lot, neither of them made a move to get out.  
  
“We’re going to be nice to Summer and Zach, too,” Seth said.  
  
Ryan nodded. “Okay. Plan.”  
  
“Let’s do this,” Seth said, taking a deep breath and opening the door.  
  
They were silent on the elevator, but Ryan gave him a reassuring pat on the back when they reached the top floor where Oliver ‘lived’.  
  
Seth had money, he’d always had money, but his parents didn’t even splurge on the penthouse suites when they traveled. So he knew Oliver was richer than he was. He didn’t think Marissa cared much about money, but he wasn’t sure how the Coopers were surviving with Jimmy under investigation and Julie, well, never working a day in her life.  
  
“Stop it, you’re making me nervous,” Ryan whispered as he waited for Seth to knock on the door.  
  
“We’re early.”  
  
“You said Marissa wanted us here early,” Ryan replied. He raised his fist to knock but Seth stopped him.  
  
“Give me a minute to compose myself,” Seth hissed, running his fingers through his hair and mussing it up. “Okay, now.”  
  
Ryan knocked on the door.  
  


* * *

  
Marissa was thinner than Ryan remembered and despite what he’d told Seth in the car, she did seem more fragile. She’d welcomed them into the suite like she owned the place, pushing cans of soda into their hands and offering them assorted snacks.  
  
Seth was like a deer in headlights for the first couple of minutes and Ryan felt sorry for him even though the elusive Oliver had yet to appear. Finally, Seth walked over and put his arms around her and pulled her close.  
  
“That must be Seth,” a voice said from behind him.  
  
Ryan was relieved to see how Marissa immediately relaxed after Seth’s initial ice-breaking. They moved over near the window, still touching as they talked quietly to each other. He met Oliver for the first time, nodding as he turned to face the stranger. “Yeah. I’m Ryan.”  
  
“Heard a lot about you guys from Marissa,” he said, smiling and shaking his offered hand. “Nice to finally meet you in person.”  
  
“Yeah. Oliver, right?” Ryan asked when the guy didn’t give his name.  
  
“Yeah. Marissa’s been really excited to see Seth,” Oliver said, never taking his eyes off the couple..  
  
Ryan studied him, trying to read what Oliver was so interested in.  
  
“I worry about her. She was doing so well at the clinic, but a lot of times when people come back to their boyfriends and friends, they fall right back into the spiral of addiction,” Oliver said, flashing him a smile despite his words.  
  
“Seth’s good for her. He stuck by her this whole time. He’s never liked her drinking,” Ryan replied, not reacting to his ‘shrink speak’.  
  
“You should know all about recovering from addiction with your Mom being such a mess. Oh, well, I guess maybe not so much about the recovery part,” Oliver added, smiling so his words would seem innocent.  
  
“Hey, man, what’s going on?” Luke asked, joining him with Holly pushing between them to squeal and embrace Marissa.  
  
“Just talking to my new buddy, Oliver,” Ryan replied, hissing out his name. Luke caught his vibe and glared at the guy.  
  
“What’s up? I’m Luke.”  
  
“The ex, I’ve heard of you. Nice to meet you,” Oliver said, charming again as he shook Luke’s hand. “You must kick yourself in the ass every morning for letting her get away.”  
  
“We’re better friends now,” Luke replied evenly.  
  
“Are you guys talking about me?” Marissa teased. “Oliver, I want you to meet Seth, come on, don’t be shy,” she said, ushering Oliver across the room to the snack table.  
  
“Well?” Luke asked. “What do you think about him?”  
  
Ryan didn’t know if she should be pissed at Marissa for telling his background to Oliver, or at Seth for telling Marissa. Or Summer for telling her. But as much as it bothered him that the stranger knew about him – it bothered him more that Oliver seemed determined to make him question himself. “First impressions are never the best place to judge a person,” Ryan replied coldly, watching the way Marissa was laughing at Oliver’s words across the room.  
  
“I don’t like him, I don’t need more than one impression,” Luke grumbled.  
  
“If he helps Marissa, does it matter if we like him?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Guess not. But I’m still waiting for Cohen to give me a clearer answer than you, Mr. Cryptic,” Luke said, nudging him with a scolding elbow as he joined Holly.  
  
As more and more people filed into the party, Ryan found himself sitting on the balcony smoking a cigarette he’d bummed from Chip. Seth was sticking close to Marissa but would glance at him every few minutes, as if to reassure himself that Ryan wasn’t leaving him.  
  
Even though Marissa wasn’t drinking, apparently it wasn’t a party without some liquor and quite a few people were mixing drinks and rolling joints.  
  
Summer and Zach hadn’t arrived yet. He was starting to think that he might get out of the evening without running into her.  
  
But he was still an Atwood, and his luck shined true when she walked onto the balcony, looking damned good in her tight jeans and revealing tank top. He inhaled deeply off the cigarette.  
  
“Sorry. Didn’t know you were out here,” she said, flushing.  
  
He flicked the cigarette off the balcony into the night. “Excuse me for being too close to you. I’ll get out of your way,” he replied, bowing to her, coldly before walking back inside.  
  
It pissed him off. He almost wished he’d let Taylor come with him so he could make Summer feel just a taste of the pain he felt. But she probably didn’t care. He had to think that she didn’t care.  
  


* * *

  
Seth was in the kitchen area trying to find the ice bucket before Oliver called room service again.  
  
The guy was getting on his nerves – he was showing off for Marissa with his hotline to room service and his tales of backpacking through Europe and skiing the Alps and hiking in Nepal…  
  
How could Seth compete with a guy like that? At least he was smarter than Luke… Seth was trying not to be jealous, he was trying to remember that Oliver didn’t have any friends and was just trying to fit in. But Oliver knew lots about Seth that he shouldn’t know and he didn’t mind sharing the information with whoever happened to be within hearing distance.  
  
“Dude. What is up with your friend?”  
  
Seth didn’t recognize the voice at first and even after turning around, he glanced behind Zach to see if someone else had spoken. “I’m sorry, what?”  
  
“Your friend,” Zach repeated. “What’s his deal?”  
  
Seth hadn’t spent much time with Zach outside of the couple of classes he had with him. “My friend? Who are you referring to?” Seth asked, feigning ignorance.  
  
“Ryan. I know he went out with Summer while I was in DC. I finally confronted her tonight and she admitted everything,” Zach said.  
  
Seth looked him in his eyes, trying to find signs that the guy was going to kick his ass, or Ryan’s, before replying. “And?”  
  
Zach stared at him.  
  
“Summer told him she had a boyfriend after they’d been seeing each other a few weeks,” Seth replied finally. “She broke his heart, no wait, she ripped his heart into tiny pieces and lit them on fire,” he edited aloud. “She chose you, Zach.”  
  
Zach seemed stunned.  
  
“Why are you asking now?” Seth asked when Zach didn’t say anything.  
  
Zach sighed, leaning against the counter, almost defeated. “She always watches him, like, she misses him or something…and then tonight he’s here and he’s by himself – if he had a girlfriend, then maybe she’d forget about him…”  
  
Seth had a pang of sympathy for the guy, seeing how much he was torn up by the situation.  
  
“Ryan’s just…he’s strong and popular and I can’t compete with that…” Zach said quietly. “She said she slept with him…and I’ve only been with, like, one other girl other than Summer and I don’t know if I’m doing anything right – but I know that she probably at least had an orgasm when she was with him…”  
  
Seth flushed, glancing around to see if Zach was talking to someone else. He must have accidentally put on his Dr. Phil cologne or something.  
  
“I just, I really like Summer, I’ve been in love with her a long time and all she does it think about _him_ …” Zach whispered.  
  
Seth started to say something, but Oliver walked into the room.  
  
“Oh, am I interrupting? Marissa’s looking for you, wanted to make sure you didn’t get lost. She said you tend to get into trouble when left unattended,” Oliver smiled, too close to a sneer to ignore.  
  
Seth ignored Zach for a moment and gathered his courage. “Do you have a problem with me that I don’t know about?”  
  
Oliver’s eyes flickered across him and then he smiled again, flashing his teeth before leaning in close. “My problem is that you’re still here. My problem is that I’ve been falling in love with a girl that won’t stop talking about you. I just don’t see what she thinks is so special about a little emo geek like you when I could make her so much happier. And I plan on showing her how much happier she can be when she leaves you behind.” He turned and walked out of the room before Seth could even think about responding.  
  
Seth glanced at Zach to see if he’d heard the same thing Seth had heard.  
  
“Dude, he’s an asshole,” Zach said, pale.  
  
“I’m getting that vibe a lot clearer now,” Seth whispered.  
  


* * *


	21. Chapter 21

  
Ryan’s head was pounding as they pulled into the gates toward home.  
  
“Dude, that was the worst party ever,” Seth muttered, rubbing his eyes.  
  
Ryan couldn’t disagree. Seth had been visibly upset about something at the party, but wouldn’t tell him anything while they were at the party. But Ryan knew that despite how well Marissa was doing and how happy she’d been with spending time with Seth – that Oliver had said something to spin Seth around.  
  
“What’d he say to you?” Ryan asked finally.  
  
“He wants Marissa. He called me an emo geek, or something, Zach heard everything. He says I’m not good enough for her and that he’s going to prove it to her,” Seth said. “Why, did he say something to you?”  
  
Ryan sighed heavily, filing away the information. “You know this means I’m going to have to kick his ass.”  
  
“Um, Ryan, I don’t think his ass is going to be the only ass getting kicked soon,” Seth said, his eyes going wide as Ryan pulled the Rover into their very, very cluttered driveway. There were cars and motorcycles surrounding the house.  
  
“Did you throw a party?” Ryan asked, confused.  
  
“Dude. Hailey’s home. God, there’s no way we’re going to explain this to the ‘rents,” Seth muttered, getting out of the Rover as soon as he cut the engine.  
  
Ryan had forgotten about Hailey. Even though she hadn’t kissed him anymore, she’d been seamlessly integrated into the house and joined in the breakfast and dinner times with Kirsten and Sandy. He hadn’t expected her to throw a rager her first weekend back.  
  
He followed Seth through the clusters of people milling around on the porch smoking cigarettes and joints.  
  
“Where’s Hailey?” Seth asked stopping one of the bikini clad ladies he bumped into in the kitchen.  
  
“Who’s Hailey?” the woman replied, smiling at him seductively.  
  
Ryan glared at her, but really wanted to be glaring at Hailey. These people were destroying Kirsten and Sandy’s house, he’d already counted 3 broken things in his short trip into the kitchen.  
  
Somebody finally told them that she was in the poolhouse and Ryan ignored Seth’s muttering under his breath, taking the lead into the poolhouse.  
  
“There’s no one in here,” Seth said, looking to Ryan for guidance.  
  
The door to the poolhouse slammed closed and Hailey waved the key at them with a playful smirk. “Past your bedtimes, I’ll see you boys tomorrow!”  
  
“Motherfucker,” Ryan snapped, his headache going up a notch.  
  
“She locked us in the poolhouse. What a bitch,” Seth whispered.  
  
“We are not sleeping in the poolhouse,” Ryan announced. “We’re getting out of here. Now.”  
  


* * *

  
Seth realized after watching Ryan tearing through the drawers in the kitchen that Ryan was mad. Seriously MAD.  
  
“Lock me in the poolhouse, I’ll lock her in a fucking trunk,” Ryan muttered, pulling out a series of pointy instruments from one of the drawers. “Your aunt’s going down, Seth. I’m pissed.”  
  
“I kind of figured that out, are those…screwdrivers? Tools in the Cohen manor?” Seth joked, trying to lighten the mood. Ryan glared at him and went to work unscrewing the doorknob. “Maybe we should just chill out before we go storming in there,” Seth offered.  
  
Ryan lowered the screwdriver and glanced at him. “Do you remember that vase by the front door that you always put your umbrella in when it’s raining?”  
  
“Yeah, Mom loves that thing, she always yells at me when I put my umbrella there,” Seth replied.  
  
“It was in about 50 pieces in the corner when we walked by. I’m not going to pace around this little windowed jail cell until she decides to come in and ask us to help her clean up. I’m not staying here, Seth,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Dude, I’m all about the Hailey smackdown, but you’re a little…overstressed about this, don’t you think?” Seth asked, hesitant.  
  
Ryan sighed, resuming his work at the door.  
  
“Dude?”  
  
“I don’t like being locked in,” Ryan replied finally.  
  
Seth accepted his confession and immediately went to his side. “What do you need me to do? Find a diamond so we can cut the glass? Set the explosive charges to blow the door off?”  
  
Ryan glanced at him, but there was a smile playing around his lips so Seth knew they were cool. Ryan held out a fist and Seth cupped his hand, accepting the small pile of screws. Ryan pulled off the inner knob and poked around a few seconds before pushing the knob off onto the patio on the outer side of the door.  
  
“You rock,” Seth grinned as he pushed open the door.  
  
As soon as they were free of the poolhouse, there was a flurry of activity while the strangers on their patio threw some girl into the pool.  
  
“That’s the most action our pool’s seen in a while,” Seth commented.  
  
“Come on, we have to find your aunt.”  
  


* * *

  
Hailey was drunk. A little too drunk to deal with her nephew and his little playmate.  
  
She wasn’t going to leave them in the poolhouse for long, just long enough for her to help Ginger with that eight-ball she’d started chopping up in the guest room bathroom and clean up some of the bigger party fouls, then she’d make nice with the nephews and maybe get them to loosen up a little and party with her.  
  
She’d only started on her second line when she heard the commotion and stomping of feet down the stairs.  
  
She dabbed her nose, sniffing carefully and checking for powdered nostrils in the mirror before going to investigate.  
  
People were filing out through the front door, Seth waving them out like some kind of amateur crossing guard, holding open a garbage bag to collect garbage.  
  
“What the hell are you doing?” she demanded.  
  
“Party’s over, Hailey. What the hell are you doing?” Seth replied, louder than she expected.  
  
“Sandy and Kirsten are not here, I’m in charge,” she stated, jerking the bag from his hands and accidentally spilling a clutter of beer cans and bottles across the floor. Someone whistled as they walked out, seeing that a ‘domestic dispute’ was about to go down.  
  
“This party’s out of control,” Ryan said, appearing behind her in the hallway, holding what seemed to be the sheets off Sandy and Kirsten’s bed.  
  
“You are not seriously talking to me like you have a say,” Hailey scoffed. “You’re not even a part of this family – you don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do in the family house!”  
  
Ryan glared at her. “I live here too and I can damn well keep the cops from busting in.”  
  
“The only criminal in this house right now is you. If all my friends have to leave, you should leave too. If I can’t have friends over, neither can Seth,” Hailey said, pissed off that this _‘kid’_ was daring to talk back to her when she was just trying to have a good time.  
  
“What the fuck ever – Hailey – this is where Ryan lives, permanently, not just when he runs out of money, you can’t tell him what to do!” Seth snapped.  
  
“Hell yes I can – “ Hailey replied, serious. “I want him out of the house tonight if my party’s over.”  
  
“Whatever – “ Ryan muttered, pushing past her.  
  
“No, dude, you are not leaving!” Seth protested.  
  
“I’ll call you, Seth,” Ryan said, not slowing his pace. “If Sandy and Kirsten get home before me, tell them I’ll be home when I don’t have to worry about people snorting coke in my bathroom.”  
  
Hailey crossed her arms, triumphant despite his closing barbs.  
  
“You better hope he comes back, Hailey,” Seth said, glaring at her with a hatred she didn’t think he was capable of.  
  


* * *

  
Zach hadn’t slept a wink all night. Summer had Marissa over so they didn’t have a chance to talk after the party and he knew that he still had lots that he wanted to talk to her about.  
  
Marissa seemed cool, she was sweet and funny and not as unstable as he’d expected from Summer’s little breakdown prior to the party.  
  
So Zach had to think that Summer had just been avoiding the ‘Ryan’ conversation.  
  
And after his little conversation with Seth, he knew that there was more to the relationship than he’d anticipated.  
  
He sighed over his uneaten waffles and glanced up as the door jingled with another early morning customer.  
  
It was like he’d conjured Ryan Atwood from his thoughts.  
  
Ryan didn’t seem to see him, taking a seat in the back, one of the bad seats near the kitchen despite the nearly deserted diner.  
  
He didn’t know much about the guy, nobody would really tell them anything. He knew Ryan was smart as hell but didn’t have a family of his own and had been in jail before. He knew Ryan was fiercely protective of Seth and made a point to avoid Summer at all costs. Luke and Chip avoided any detail about how they knew Ryan and all of the girls were too loyal to Summer to give him even the scantest gossip.  
  
He should have caught a clue long before now.  
  
He realized that now was his chance. He could talk to Ryan face to face and find out everything he needed to know.  
  
He didn’t get up from his booth, though.  
  
His dad would be pissed if he got his ass kicked. But the careful way Ryan avoided Summer, and thereby Zach, made him think that Ryan wouldn’t hurt him.  
  
Besides, Summer had been Zach’s girl long before Ryan came to town. Even if Ryan hadn’t known it.  
  
He pushed the waffle aside and walked over to Ryan’s booth, sliding into the empty seat across from him.  
  
Ryan glanced up in surprise and a series of emotions flashed across his face – confusion, anger, caution – before his eyes turned cold and blank.  
  
“I don’t know if we’ve been formally introduced, I’m Zach Stevens.”  
  
Ryan leaned back and crossed his arms as the waitress put a cup of coffee in front of him. “I know who you are.”  
  
“That’s good. Because I know who you are, too. I know that my girlfriend is in love with you,” Zach said, relieved when Ryan finally showed emotion – even if it was surprise. “I’m not here to start a beef…”  
  
“’Beef’?” Ryan snorted.  
  
“Whatever – you know what I mean. I just…want to talk to you. I know you don’t like me much…” Zach continued, hiding his hesitation with a grin. “But I think we have a lot in common.”  
  
“Really.”  
  
“We both care about the same girl. Don’t we?” Zach asked.  
  
Ryan raised a hand to his head, sighing heavily. He seemed so much older than sixteen in the dim lights. “I’ve had a really bad night – hellish – and this is just … so fucked up.”  
  
“Sorry,” Zach said.  
  
“What do you want, Zach?” Ryan asked. “For us to be friends or something? Do you want to hit me?”  
  
“I just want to…know. I know you and Summer were…involved over the summer. And she was completely up front to me that there’d been another guy – but I didn’t know it was you. Then I figured it out because she can’t tear her eyes off _you_ ,” Zach said, taking a chance and telling the truth instead of threatening Ryan or making an enemy too soon.  
  
Zach was a nice guy. He’d only thrown a punch in the gym at a leather bag, never at a person. He just wanted to hear Ryan’s side.  
  
“I’m sorry…I didn’t know about you when I met Summer.”  
  
“She didn’t mention me at all?” Zach asked, the idea bothering him more than he let on.  
  
Ryan shook his head. “I asked her – point blank – several times. I mean, I would never have got serious with her if I’d known…”  
  
“ _Serious,_ ” Zach stated.  
  
“Zach, she dropped me like a bag of trash when she found out you were coming back,” Ryan said, his eyes steady. “I don’t know what you want to hear. When I said it was serious, I meant it was serious, to _me_. That doesn’t mean it was serious to her.”  
  
“I haven’t seen you date anyone.”  
  
“I’m trying to make this school thing work,” Ryan replied, stirring his coffee.  
  
“And she hurt you. I’m sorry, man. She never told me about you, but I’m beginning to think she never told me a lot of things,” Zach said, sensing how much Ryan was really heartbroken. But he was quickly getting heartbroken, too. “If I’d known she wanted to date someone else, I would have let her go – I would have told her I was coming back so she wouldn’t have started a new relationship – I would have understood. But from the emails and the letters – I never knew that I was going to put a kink in her life.”  
  
“I really wish I could hate you. And even more than that – I wish I could hate her,” Ryan said quietly.  
  
“Me, too,” Zach echoed.  
  
“I’m not fighting over her. I won’t interfere,” Ryan said.  
  
“I know. But I almost wish you would – so I could see what she’d do. So I could see if she even cares about me at all,” Zach replied. “I asked her flat out but…I don’t know what to believe anymore. It’s not like she lied to me, she just…omitted a helluva lot.”  
  
They lapsed into an uneasy silence and Zach glanced over at his forlorn uneaten waffle across the room. He was kind of hungry now that he was even more depressed.  
  
“Seth said you heard Oliver say something to him tonight. I didn’t have a chance to ask him about it…” Ryan asked.  
  
“ I don’t like that guy, seriously, he called Seth an ‘emo geek’ and said that he was going to take Marissa from him. And it wasn’t, like, playful or anything, he was cold about it,” Zach replied, relaxing from the relatively safe subject.  
  
“Marissa made it seem like he was great and nice – but he tried to bait me as soon as he met me,” Ryan replied.  
  
“What’s Seth going to do?” Zach asked.  
  
Ryan glanced at him. “What are you supposed to do when your girlfriend likes another guy?”  
  
“Oh. Yeah. Well, tell him to let me know when he figures it out,” Zach snorted.  
  
“I’m going to order some pancakes, you want in?” Ryan asked, relaxing slightly.  
  
“Yeah. My waffle’s all soggy. And I need some thinking food.”  
  
“You and me both,” Ryan replied.  
  


* * *

  
“What the hell?” Sandy muttered when he walked into the trashed house. “Seth! Ryan! Hailey!” he added, yelling.  
  
Hailey appeared with a black garbage bag and dark circles under her eyes. “Hey, you’re back early…”  
  
“Good thing, too. What happened?” Kirsten asked, studying her sister.  
  
“It’s…complicated. I told some friends I was back in town, and they told some friends and then…things just got out of control,” Hailey stammered.  
  
“Tell them where Ryan is,” Seth said, sitting on the top of the stairs watching them.  
  
“Where’s Ryan?” Sandy asked, narrowing his eyes.  
  
Hailey flushed.  
  
“Hailey?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“We had a fight. He…I told him to leave.”  
  
“You what? He lives here, Hailey – permanently, why would you do something like that?” Sandy asked.  
  
“Because he asked her to put a stop to the party,” Seth answered. “I told him that he didn’t have to leave, but he wouldn’t listen. Said he’d deal with the repercussions when you got home.”  
  
“Do you know where he went?” Sandy asked.  
  
“Not exactly,” Seth replied. “He was a little…upset. I let him go.”  
  
Kirsten grabbed Hailey by the arm and pulled her into the kitchen. “How dare you – how dare you do this. Ryan’s a part of my family and you treated him like hired help, he lives here so he doesn’t have to sleep on the streets and you pushed him out of his own house – do you know how long it took him to feel like this was his home? You come home once a year and think you can do whatever you want – but this ends now. Get your things and find somewhere else to stay, Hailey. Your invitation to stay in my house is hereby revoked.”  
  
“Come on, Kirsten, he’s not on the streets, I’m sure he stayed with a friend…” Hailey protested.  
  
“Oh, so now you know all about Ryan, huh?” Kirsten snapped. “You can stay long enough to clean up and then I want you gone. I’m not your mother, I’m Seth and Ryan’s mother and I have enough parenting to do with the two of them – you don’t have any respect for me or my house and I want you out. OUT!” she added, storming out of the kitchen.  
  
“Sandy…”  
  
“You’re not seriously looking to me for sympathy,” Sandy replied. He lowered his voice. “Ryan’s had a rough life, Hailey. I don’t know what was going on here last night nor do I want to know – but what you need to know is that if social services had decided to show up last night, he’d been taken from us and put into a group home – or juvenile detention depending on the situation. And everything he’s worked for would be worthless. We took him in and gave him a home without drugs or drinking and you’ve just taken all our hard work and made it worthless. He doesn’t have his daddy’s money or forgiveness to fall back on – all he has is this family.”  
  
“If he’s a member of this family then he shouldn’t have taken me seriously and run off,” Hailey muttered.  
  
“Better get to cleaning,” Sandy replied coldly. “I’ll call a taxi for you, oh, and I’ll let Caleb know you might need a place to stay.”  
  


* * *

  
“Ryan, thank god, we’ve been looking for you all morning,” Kirsten said, standing up when she saw him walking into the kitchen. She pulled him into a hug and smelled the nicotine on his clothes. And salt. And syrup? “Where have you been?”  
  
“The beach. It was pretty late when I left so I didn’t bother with getting a hotel or calling anybody,” he replied, visibly tired.  
  
She smoothed his hair until he met her gaze. “You live *here* and no one has the right to ask you to leave. Not Hailey or Seth or Dad – nobody. Got it?”  
  
He nodded but didn’t seem convinced.  
  
Sandy motioned him to sit down and put a cup of coffee in front of him. “You want to talk about it?”  
  
“Not really,” he muttered.  
  
“Don’t worry about getting Hailey in trouble – Seth already told us everything,” Kirsten said, hoping to get more verbal reassurance that he was okay.  
  
“She told me to leave. I left.”  
  
“But not before shutting down the party,” Sandy added.  
  
“Yeah, well, yeah. Seth and I got most of the people out before Hailey got mad at me,” Ryan admitted.  
  
“She lit into you?” Kirsten asked, watching him carefully.  
  
“People had sex in my bed – in your bed – and I just…if I don’t get to have sex in the bed, then nobody else should either…” Ryan replied, letting his sparse words skim over whatever had happened between him and Hailey.  
  
“Is that what made you leave?” Sandy questioned.  
  
“She locked us in the poolhouse to keep us out of the way – like we were puppies or something,” Ryan said quietly. “And I just…things were just closing in on me – I haven’t gotten into any fights and I haven’t done anything to fuck up my probation and now – I’m in the middle of a rager that’s begging to get busted by the cops…”  
  
Kirsten hid her anger from Ryan but made it clear when she looked at Sandy that she was incensed.  
  
Ryan’s indifferent mask slipped then and he turned to Sandy. “I don’t want to go back to jail – I don’t want to leave…even though things kind of suck right now, I don’t want to leave…and if Hailey is in charge when you’re not here and she tells me to leave, I have to listen to her…”  
  
She squeezed his shoulder. “You’re not leaving. We’ll work this out, I promise. Do not worry.”  
  
“Hailey’s not in charge when we’re not here. We’re sorry if we made it seem that way. And you haven’t done anything to warrant you going back to jail, have you?” Sandy asked.  
  
Ryan shook his head, tired.  
  
“Go get washed up and try to get some sleep. Do not worry about Hailey or anything right now. We’ll figure everything out,” Kirsten said gently.  
  
“But…”  
  
“No buts. You got the party stopped and you didn’t do anything wrong. But no more listening to Hailey, all right?” Kirsten said.  
  


* * *

  
_“Hey, Seth, I know we were supposed to meet up today, but Oliver is meeting with Dr. Kim and you know how scary she is and he’s really nervous so I’m going to go with him to Harbor, show him around. I’ll call you later.”_  
  
Seth clicked the ‘delete’ key on his phone and lay back on his bed, ignoring Captain Oats’ worried stare.  
  
At least Ryan was home. Even if he was passed out asleep, at least he’d be there for Seth to talk to later.  
  
He wasn’t going to lose Marissa. He just needed a plan to show her how much he cared.  
  
Marissa would choose him over Oliver when she realized how much he cared.  
  
He needed a plan.  
  
“If you aren’t going to contribute you shouldn’t look at me like that,” he snapped at the Captain, covering his face with the pillow so he didn’t have to suffer under the Captain’s judging gaze.  
  
The phone buzzed in his hand.  
  
“Cohen, what are you doing?” Luke barked in his ear.  
  
“Generally moping, why, what’s going on?”  
  
“Dude, that Oliver kid is asking for an ass-whupping. I’m at Holly’s and she’s was telling me all these things that he told her, and he told me completely different things. He’s a compulsive liar or something.”  
  
“He told me he was going to get Marissa, like, take her from me. I haven’t even got her back yet,” Seth replied. “What kind of lies?”  
  
“Bullshit about what he did last summer, famous people that he knew. He’s got Marissa completely snowed, dude.”  
  
Seth remembered the way Marissa had laughed and listened to Oliver the night before. “She thinks he’s her friend.”  
  
“Then we have to prove her wrong.”  
  
“I don’t want to push her away, Luke, I don’t know if going after her AA buddy is going to earn me any points.”  
  
“What are you going to do?”  
  
“I need a plan,” Seth replied.  
  
“Well, I’m starving. Want to meet me at the Crab Shack? I, kind of, wanted to borrow your science notes, I was a little stoned on Friday.”  
  
Seth snorted. “Sure, man.”  
  
“Cool.”  
  
Captain Oats was stunned that Seth and Luke were friends now but he didn’t dare say anything when Seth climbed off the bed. Seth was going to come up with a plan, but he needed as much information as he could get.  
  


* * *

  
Hailey tied up the last bag of garbage and went back into the house, trying to think of the best way to beg her sister for forgiveness.  
  
She’d been blitzed the night before and even though it was upsetting that Kirsten had kicked her out, she was guilty and horrified at the look on Kirsten’s face when Hailey had admitted that she’d kicked Ryan out.  
  
She had no idea that Ryan was such an important part of Kirsten’s life. She should’ve seen it in the way Kirsten talked about Ryan the same way she talked about Seth.  
  
And her Dad was so pissed off. He’d threatened to cancel her credit cards if Ryan didn’t come home soon.  
  
Kirsten was sitting in the den with Sandy sharing the newspaper when she sat down in the chair.  
  
Kirsten glared at her, coolly folding the newspaper and pursing her lips. Sandy didn’t lower his paper, but made no move to leave the room.  
  
“I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I was careless and spoiled and I took it out on the kid – your kid. I was really drunk and I didn’t realize how much things were out of control until Seth and Ryan got home. I’m an angry drunk,” she said plaintively.  
  
“I remember. Seth and Ryan are my kids. They’re _kids_ , Hailey. This is their home and it’s not a place for angry drunks – or any drunks. Not my house,” Kirsten stated flatly.  
  
“I know, I’m sorry. You used to always take Seth with you on your trips, I think this is the first time you’ve ever trusted me home alone with him and look what I did,” Hailey said. “I’m sorry. I would do anything to make it up to you…I’m so sorry, Kirsten. Sometimes I forget that I’m supposed to be a grown up…you took me into your home and I ruined it…”  
  
Sandy cleared his throat and rustled the paper, turning a page.  
  
Kirsten nodded. “I want you to replace the broken things – and not with Dad’s money. And more importantly, I want you to apologize to Ryan. It’s up to him if you can stay here. And Dad brought a showgirl home from Vegas, so you might want to take that into account before you ask him if you can sleep on his sofa.”  
  
“Ew, really? Dad still gets around,” Hailey winced. “I will – I’ll make it right. I was a real bitch to him, and if he can’t forgive me right away, I’ll keep trying. He’s family, he’s got to like me,” Hailey added.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan picked up the phone, grateful for the distraction from Hailey sitting at the kitchen counter when he left his room to look for snacks.  
  
Teresa’s voice was hesitant, but he recognized it immediately. “Can I speak to Ryan?”  
  
“Damn, girl, been a while,” Ryan smiled, walking out of the kitchen into the den.  
  
“You stupid motherfucker – why didn’t you call?”  
  
“I did…”  
  
“You called asking for a place to stay – you never called back, it’s been, god, months, Ry, and me and Eddie have been worried sick…”  
  
“Whatever,” Ryan muttered, shaking off the nostalgia and remembering the arguments and hissed threats from Eddie.  
  
“Trey gave me your number. He says you’re living the high life out in Newport.”  
  
“Something like that,” Ryan replied.  
  
“You forget about us little peasants up there?”  
  
“Fuck you,” he said quietly. “You made it pretty clear I was out of your life a long time before you decided to miss me.”  
  
She sighed into the phone.  
  
“What’s the occasion?” Ryan asked.  
  
“I…I saw your mom the other day. I thought you’d want to know. I…I talked to her.”  
  
He took a deep breath. “What’d she say?”  
  
“Said you ditched her. Said you left her with AJ and didn’t give a fuck about her. I knew she was lying, but…it’s just fucked up…”  
  
“What’s she doing in Chino?” he asked, clenching his fists.  
  
She told him.  
  


* * *

  
Hailey had been furtively eavesdropping on Ryan’s conversation, fishing for information for her forthcoming grand apology.  
  
But she wasn’t prepared for his pale, tense expression when he stepped into the kitchen to put the phone on the charger. He curled his fingers around the edge of the counter as if composing himself.  
  
“Hey, kid? You okay?” she asked hesitantly. “’Cause I need to apologize.”  
  
He glanced at her, his blue eyes bubbling with emotion. They hardened and he asked, “Do you have a car?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“A car. I need to borrow your car.”  
  
“Ryan, I know I was a bitch last night and totally in the wrong, but I can’t just give you my keys,” she protested.  
  
“It’s an emergency. No one else is home and I need a car,” Ryan insisted, holding out his hand.  
  
She stared at it. She remembered Sandy’s words about having a rough life and Kirsten’s words about him sleeping on the streets and the juvenile hall threat. She remembered that Ryan had been on the phone with someone from Chino.  
  
“Hailey. Please,” he added.  
  
“I’m not letting you drive my car, it’s a rental, but I happen to be free today to drive you anywhere that you need to go,” she said, standing up.  
  
“No. I’ll…I’ll find another way…” he said, but hesitated as she jangled the keys.  
  
“I owe you a favor, but the rental’s in my name and I can’t let you drive it. I’ll shut up and just drive, I promise.”  
  
“Okay,” he said finally. “Let’s go.”  
  
“Where are we headed?”  
  
“Chino.”  
  


* * *

  
Sandy’s phone buzzed and he flipped it open.  
  
“Mr. Cohen?”  
  
“Yes, who’s speaking?” he replied automatically, his internal rolodex spinning to place the voice.  
  
“It’s Trey Atwood…Ryan’s brother.”  
  
“Yes, Trey, how are you? Everything okay?”  
  
“Is…do you know where Ryan is? Like, I’m worried about him.”  
  
Sandy stepped to the side of the busy sidewalk, alert. “Why are you worried? I haven’t seen him since breakfast, but he should be at home…”  
  
“Some of my friends came up today and I told them how I saw Ryan. They’re his friends too, so I gave them his number when they asked for it…then they told me that they’d seen my mom recently. I didn’t think about it until after they’d left.”  
  
“What kind of friends?” Sandy asked, trying to put the pieces together.  
  
“I’m not worried because of my friends, Teresa loves Ryan and she’d never do anything to hurt him on purpose…but Ryan’s funny about Mom and if he hears what she’s doing…he’s not going to take it well.”  
  
“You think he’ll go looking for her?” Sandy asked.  
  
Trey was silent and Sandy had his answer.  
  
“What’s she doing, Trey?” he asked.  
  
“It’s…how much has Ryan really said about Mom?”  
  
“Nothing, but I have his file. I know her arrest records. Drugs, prostitution, fraud, shoplifting,” he said softly, not wanting to share the list, but needing to know what Ryan would be walking into.  
  
“She’s hooking,” Trey stated. “Teresa couldn’t see if she had tracks, she was wearing a jacket. It’s hot as hell so I figure she was wearing it to hide the needle marks from the johns.”  
  
“I’ll find Ryan, talk to him…”  
  
“He’s got this huge fucking blind spot when it comes to Ma, he thinks that she’ll listen to him even though she never does – she just twists him up and he always gets hurt…but who can tell a kid that it’s wrong to love their mom?”  
  
“Thank you for calling me, Trey, I’ll find Ryan and we’ll give you a call – I’ll take care of him…don’t worry.”  
  
“Easy for you to say, Mr. Cohen.”  
  


* * *

  
“So. Where are we going? What part of Chino? You got an address?” Hailey asked.  
  
His head was pounding.  
  
His mom was hooking again. Whoring.  
  
He’d spent his summers and his afternoons working his ass off to keep her from having to do that and now that he was gone she was sucking cock in alleys and shooting AJ’s junk into her arms again.  
  
Hailey shook out a pair of cigarettes and held one out to him. “You look like you need it.”  
  
He didn’t say anything, nodding his thanks before lighting it.  
  
“We going to need bail money?” she asked, smiling to show she was only half-teasing.  
  
“You’re staying in the car,” he replied.  
  
What the fuck was he really going to do when he got there? Trey’s voice was nagging in his head, all the times he’d tried to keep Ryan from going head to head with AJ over their Ma. All the times he’d helped her sober up for job interviews for her just to walk out on her first day, or get fired for using on the job.  
  
“Ryan?”  
  
“My friend from Chino was on the phone. She saw my mom.”  
  
Hailey didn’t react right away, but was watching him closely from the corner of her eyes and slowly pulled the car into a parking lot and turned to face him. “Your mom who kicked you out?”  
  
“I only have the one,” Ryan muttered.  
  
“Is she in trouble?” Hailey asked after a beat.  
  
“She’s always in trouble,” Ryan replied, inhaling deeply off the cigarette. He didn’t tell her to keep driving, he needed to think – to have a plan – something. He was almost glad that she’d paused for a moment.  
  
“All right. So. It seems we’ve come to a fork in the road. I need to decide if being a good aunt and keeping you safe and out of trouble is driving you to Chino or taking you back to Kirsten’s and making you talk to Sandy.”  
  
Ryan pinched his eyes closed.  
  
“What would Sandy want you to do?” she asked quietly. “What would Seth say if I called him right now?”  
  
“Fuck, I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m doing – but she’s my mom – how can I just sit back and do nothing when I know what she’s doing to herself – am I supposed to just sit back and let her kill herself?”  
  
Hailey reached over and put her warm hand on the back of his neck in a gentle motion, sighing softly. “You’re wound too tight to think clearly right now. Let’s take a break, we’re right around the corner from this place I know and you can clear your head for a bit.”  
  
He didn’t argue, deflated from his confession as she put the car back into gear.  
  


* * *

  
Summer couldn’t find Zach.  
  
And it was strange because she could always find him, he was usually two steps behind her but he’d been weird at the party and considering the Ryan conversation, she was really worried.  
  
She checked the diner before calling his house again because she knew how much he loved their waffles.  
  
Seth and Luke were sitting by the door and Luke gave her a wide grin to complement Seth’s slight nod.  
  
“Have you guys seen Zach today?” she asked, sliding in beside Seth despite his slowness to move.  
  
“Nope, you lose your leash on him?” Luke replied.  
  
“He…he knows that I was with Ryan this summer. Like, with Ryan,” she confessed.  
  
“Is he blind?” Luke asked.  
  
She glared at him.  
  
“You think he’s going to dump you?” Luke asked, oblivious of her wrath.  
  
“I don’t know, I can’t find him to talk to him. I guess I’ve kind of earned it, though.”  
  
Seth fumbled with his phone as it started to vibrate across the table. “’Lo?”  
  
Summer watched as his eyebrows rose. “No, he’s not here, he was sleeping when I left, I checked – I’m on the Rover…”  
  
Luke was watching Summer and she gave him the finger, not looking away from Seth. He was talking about Ryan. And his face told her something was wrong.  
  
“I’m on my way,” he said after a long moment closing the phone.  
  
“What’s up?” Luke asked.  
  
“Ryan’s missing, well, not missing, but he’s not at home and no one knows where he is,” Seth replied, motioning for Summer to let him out.  
  
“Is he grounded or something?” Summer asked.  
  
“No, but…Dad says he’s upset, he needs to talk to him and he thinks…we just need to find him. Will you guys call me if you see him?” Seth asked as she let him out.  
  
“Yeah, man. And let me know if you need help looking for him – or when he shows up,” Luke offered.  
  
“Thanks, I will,” Seth said, avoiding Summer’s gaze and hurrying from the diner.  
  
“Weird,” Luke whispered.  
  
“God, Luke, I fucked up so bad,” Summer said, laying her head on the table.  
  
“I could’ve told you that months ago,” Luke said.  
  
She banged her head on the table.  
  


* * *

  
“He’s my nephew, he’s having a rough day, can we get a couple of beers? He’s cool,” Hailey told her bartender friend, accepting the cold bottles and hurrying back over to the pool table where Ryan was racking the balls automatically, his face blank. She held one of the bottles out to him. “I won’t tell.”  
  
He took it and drained it without flinching before putting it down on the table beside his jacket. “You brought me to a bar.”  
  
“I don’t plan on getting you drunk, kid.”  
  
He nodded. “Thanks. I should have figured you wouldn’t be taking me to a _Starbucks_ ,” he muttered.  
  
“But there is a catch. I need you to give me some guidance for what’s right and wrong here. Why all of a sudden do you need to see your mom?” she asked him bluntly.  
  
He chalked up his stick and broke – pocketing three even balls effortlessly. “Teresa says she’s streetwalking again.”  
  
Hailey didn’t let her reaction show. She didn’t expect that. The ‘again’ was more shocking than the streetwalking part.  
  
“And she was high as a kite, good old mom selling herself on the streets for stuff she can snort up her nose or shoot in her arm,” Ryan muttered, making his way around the table sinking balls.  
  
Now everything made sense. Ryan’s righteous anger at the drugs spread across his bathroom from the previous night. His cold eyes when he realized she was stoned.  
  
“Have you seen her since she left?” Hailey asked.  
  
“I think Sandy saw her, got her to sign something. But she hasn’t called – hasn’t popped up asking for money…and now I hear this and I know why – AJ’s probably been pimping her out this whole time…”  
  
“Who’s AJ?”  
  
“Mom’s boyfriend,” he murmured, his eyes flashing darkly. “Pimp, whatever.”  
  
“So, we’re on our way to Chino for exactly what purpose? So you can see for yourself or try to bring her back with you?” Hailey asked.  
  
He put the stick down, rubbing a hand across his face. “I don’t know. It’s just…”  
  
“Hard,” Hailey finished, walking over to him and putting her arm around him loosely. “That’s some tough shit. But you’re just a kid, no matter how old you are and how much baggage you’ve got. You’ve cleaned up your life. No more drugs and random fucking – no more danger and cops. What’s going to happen when we get to Chino?”  
  
Ryan was silent, but he wasn’t cursing her out yet so she continued. “You know I don’t have all the answers, so I’m asking you to think about what you want to do.”  
  
“Why don’t you buy me another beer and find a stick,” Ryan replied after a long beat. “You can’t make me leave a pool hall without at least playing a game with me.”  
  
“And after that?”  
  
“We should go home before Sandy and Kirsten realize we’re gone. Or Caleb – he’ll kill me,” Ryan realized.  
  


* * *

  
“I still can’t find Hailey, maybe they had another fight – I’ll kill her,” Kirsten said, nervous.  
  
“I’m sure he’s fine, he’s been really level headed lately, I’m sure he’s fine,” Seth added, almost trying to convince himself.  
  
The door opened and Sandy was startled to hear Ryan’s low voice speaking to someone.  
  
“Uh oh. Busted,” Hailey announced, stepping in with Ryan.  
  
“What’s going on?” Ryan asked, glancing at Sandy with visible confusion.  
  
“Your brother called me. Said that you might be getting an upsetting phone call today. You didn’t take your cell phone, you didn’t let anyone know where you were going – “ Sandy started. But he hesitated, taking in Ryan’s appearance. He wasn’t hurt, he didn’t look like he’d been crying or getting stoned. “Where were you, Ryan?” he asked softer.  
  
“I did get an ‘upsetting’ phone call today and Hailey wouldn’t let me borrow her car and I made her drive me to Chino…but we didn’t go. We went to…Starbucks, instead,” Ryan said, flushing but his face honest.  
  
“Starbucks? You get blue chalk on your hands from Starbucks?” Kirsten asked after a beat, stepping over and embracing him tightly. “Are you okay?”  
  
“I don’t know if I did the right thing – I don’t know what the right thing even is anymore…” Ryan whispered quietly. Seth gave Sandy a look and excused himself to the poolhouse, knowing Ryan wouldn’t want him listening.  
  
Sandy moved closer, squeezing Hailey’s hand in thanks despite the ‘blue chalk’ issue that they would be discussing later.  
  
“She’s not your responsibility, she’s a grown up – she makes her own decisions and you cannot help her if she isn’t willing to help herself,” Kirsten murmured in Ryan’s ear and he closed his eyes, hiding whatever he was thinking under his lashes. “Was her boyfriend going to be there? Ryan? You know how much he hurt you last time, please, you cannot risk yourself like that,” she said, releasing him.  
  
“I don’t know what was going to be there, because I didn’t go.” he stated evenly. “I don’t know if she’s a regular whore this time or if she’s moved up to crack-whore.”  
  
Kirsten recoiled slightly from his words but she didn’t move away from him.  
  
“I don’t know if she’s living in a house or the backseat of a car, I don’t know if she’s wearing long sleeves in 90 degree weather to hide needle marks or cigarette burns, I don’t know because I didn’t go. I left her there – she’s probably on her knees right now because I can’t bear to face her…” he said, his eyes going dull as a shudder ran through his body.  
  
“Come on,” Sandy said, putting his arm around Ryan and forcing him to walk away from Kirsten and Hailey and down the hall. Ryan was shaking and as soon as they stepped into the safety of his room, he broke away and rushed into the bathroom, leaning against the sink to try and catch his breath.  
  
“Ryan. I hate to say this, but…you have to find a way to let her go,” Sandy said, watching Ryan splash water on his face.  
  
“She’s my mom…how can I let her go? How can I just sit here and just pretend that she’s not…”  
  
“You have to let her go. You cannot live her life for her, you cannot make her sober or make her care,” Sandy said, taking Ryan’s shoulders in his hands tightly.  
  
Ryan’s face flashed with hurt but he didn’t pull away.  
  
“I am so sorry…but you have to step back and realize that there’s nothing you can do that’s going to change the way your mother is. You will get hurt and I don’t want you to get hurt because of your mother’s choices anymore.”  
  
“What kind of person does that make me?” Ryan whispered, his face raw with desperation. “What kind of son am I to leave her out there like that?”  
  
“Ryan,” Sandy said, making Ryan look at him and steadying him with his hands still bracing his shoulders. “Talk to me.”  
  
“You think I should just…forget about her? Like she forgot about me?” Ryan whispered, lowering his gaze as Sandy pulled him into a hug.  
  
“You have to let her live her own life. If she ever comes to you for help, we’ll deal with it, but don’t go to her and tear yourself apart over her…she has to find her own way and right now, her life is not safe for you to be a part of ,” Sandy said.  
  
“I don’t want to go back to her, Sandy…I just wanted to make sure she’s okay,” Ryan replied after a moment, stepping back and swiping his face despite the lack of tears. “But…you’re right – I know it was stupid, but…I thought maybe I could do something…and I keep hearing Trey in my head reminding me that it never works – it never matters what we do…”  
  
“There’s nothing wrong with loving your mother,” Sandy said.  
  
Ryan took a deep breath and Sandy was relieved when he flashed him a familiar, if somber smile. “I’m going to get a shower and come into the kitchen and sit on the stool.”  
  
“Promise?” Sandy asked.  
  
“Yeah. I…I have to let it go.”  
  
“I’m going to call Trey and leave him a message that you’re home safe. He wants to see you, if you want to go up tomorrow.”  
  
“Yeah,” Ryan said, color returning to his face as Sandy stepped out of the bathroom. “Thanks, Sandy.”  
  
Sandy closed the door to Ryan’s room, rejoining Kirsten and Hailey in the kitchen, with Seth hovering near the sink.  
  
“Oh, Sandy, how is he?” Kirsten asked as soon as she spotted him.  
  
“Getting cleaned up. He’s okay.”  
  
“I want to go to Chino and throttle that woman myself,” Hailey said, brushing her hair back as her eyes flashed. “What a bitch.”  
  
“He’s loyal, you have to give him that,” Seth said quietly.  
  
“Thank you for going with him, Hailey,” Sandy said, sitting down beside her at the counter.  
  
“He got this call, and he was freaked, I don’t even know if he processed me being there until I started nagging him in the car. But if I found out my mom was a hooker, I would be pretty upset, too,” Hailey said. “As soon as he told me it was about his mom, I pulled over, he didn’t spill the rest until we got to… _Starbucks_.”  
  
Seth snorted but Kirsten didn’t speak.  
  
“She can’t get him back, can she?” Seth asked after a long moment.  
  
“No, Seth,” Kirsten said, glancing at Sandy before going to the coffeemaker.  
  
“I should call Dad back, he left me some voicemails,” Hailey said.  
  
“I have to call some people, too, Luke and Anna were worried when Ryan didn’t call them back,” Seth added, pulling his phone out.  
  
Ryan stepped in, his hair damp from his shower but looking a lot more relaxed than when he’d come in with Hailey.  
  
He gave Kirsten an apologetic smile, walking over shyly. “Sorry.”  
  
She kissed his forehead. “No running off. You can yell at me all you want, as long as you’re talking to me and not running, I won’t hold it against you,” she whispered. “Now. Besides the coffee you two had at _Starbucks_ , have you eaten?”  
  
“I could eat,” Hailey replied.  
  


* * *


	22. Chapter 22

While Sandy ordered the meal, Ryan and Seth retreated to the poolhouse, still without a doorknob, to discuss the events that were spiraling their lives out of control.  
  
Ryan was subdued, his face unreadable to Seth as he picked up the playstation controller and glanced over at him.  
  
“You all right?”  
  
“Yeah. Just…got a lot on my mind,” he replied. “What about you? What did I miss while I was having my own personal meltdown?”  
  
Seth decided not to question Ryan’s words but didn’t want to just ignore how much Ryan had scared them all. “Dude…I want to tell you all about it, but I need to make sure you’re all right first.”  
  
Ryan sighed, running a hand through his hair in a gesture of anxiety. “I’m all right. I just…I got a call from my ex about my mom and it was hard enough having to listen to Teresa interrogate me…but then when she told me what Mom’s doing – I just lost my cool.”  
  
“That’s understandable.”  
  
“What did your mom tell you?” Ryan asked, not looking at him.  
  
“Just that your mom is a mess and you wanted to help her.”  
  
Ryan nodded. “She’s a prostitute. I…she used to do it when I was younger, it’s one of the reasons I always got jobs and tried to make money. If I could keep some of the bills paid, she’d stop.”  
  
“And now that you’re living here…”  
  
“I just can’t believe she’s doing it again. And as much as I want to drive out there and shake some sense into her…” he sighed. “I know it’s not going to make a difference. It doesn’t matter how much I love her, how much I want her to be okay – nothing is going to make her change her ways. And she doesn’t want me around.”  
  
Seth wasn’t sure what to say.  
  
“I just want to forget about it. I need to think about something else before I get wound up again. Zach told me what Oliver said to you,” Ryan said.  
  
“Zach? When did you see Zach?”  
  
Ryan shrugged. “The other night when Hailey and me got into it, I ran into him at the diner.”  
  
“And?”  
  
“And he said Oliver was a jackass to you.” Seth stared at him and he finally smiled sideways and continued. “He really cares about Summer. He didn’t know about me, I didn’t know about him and he wanted to hear my side.”  
  
“And there was no bloodshed?” Seth asked.  
  
“Not really. He’s a nice guy. He’ll treat Summer the way she deserves. I think I need to move on, Seth. I need to get laid,” Ryan said.  
  
“What about Taylor?” Seth suggested. “She’s cute and she’s into you.”  
  
“You don’t think she’s after me just because I can get her into the ‘cool’ parties?” Ryan asked.  
  
“I’ve hung out with Taylor a little, and as much as it seems like she’s a popularity whore, I think she’s just trying not to be left behind. She’s friends with Summer and Holly now but they’ve got boyfriends and I don’t think she does anything on the weekends. She just seems…lonely. I feel bad for her. That’s not to say that I think you should use her to get over Summer…but she does seem to like you.”  
  
Ryan nodded. “That…actually makes sense. I do like her…not the same way I like Summer, but I think that I could have some fun with Taylor. And I could really use some fun right about now.” He glanced over at Seth. “Can we please stop talking about me now and get back to you?”  
  
“It feels like days since I got to talk to you – but Oliver, dude, he wants Marissa. And he’s going to do whatever it takes to get her. Luke called me because he’s worried too and everybody seems to know that Oliver’s a fucktard except Marissa. And the more I keep thinking that someone has to tell her – the more I think that challenging her new friend is going to make her hate me. What if she believes Oliver over me? All his fantastic lies and money – what if she likes him better than me?” Seth said.  
  
“Boys? Dinner’s here, wash up and come inside so we can eat together,” Sandy announced, tapping on the poolhouse door.  
  
“Marissa’s not stupid. If everyone else is seeing through him, she’ll eventually see through him, too. Don’t overstress.”  
  
“If he’s lying about all that other stuff, he’s probably going to be lying about me, too,” Seth said.  
  
“Marissa knows you. She’s not going to believe him. As much as I dislike Oliver, I think we have to trust her judgment until he does something blatant to hurt her,” Ryan said.  
  
Seth nodded, trying to remember that he wasn’t Marissa’s boyfriend anymore and had no say in who she hung out with.  
  
He had to wait it out, formulate his master plan.  
  
At least he had backup.  
  


* * *

  
Summer jumped when she walked into her room to find Zach sitting on her bed.  
  
“I’ve been looking for you all day, where have you been?” she asked, grateful to find him.  
  
“I got your messages. I just needed some time to think,” Zach said. “I had breakfast with Ryan this morning.”  
  
“What?” she asked, trying to keep her voice level and still stand up.  
  
“I guess he couldn’t sleep either,” Zach shrugged, avoiding her eyes. “And he admitted that he has feelings for you, but that you don’t have any feelings for him.”  
  
Summer felt like she couldn’t breathe. Ryan couldn’t really believe that, could he?  
  
Zach was looking at her when she looked up again. “He’s a nice guy and I believed him. I believe that he thinks you don’t have any feelings for him. But I know better. I can tell that you don’t like kissing me, that I don’t make you happy. What I don’t understand is why you’re with me if you want to be with him.”  
  
“Because – Zach, it’s always been you and me, the letters and the email…” Summer said, walking over and sitting down beside him.  
  
She didn’t hate Zach. She just didn’t love him. But she was learning. She could totally learn.  
  
Zach sighed. “It’s, like, there are two different versions of you. The sweet loyal girlfriend who leaves Bobby Brown songs on my voicemail and the girl who fucked Ryan Atwood for a whole summer without ever mentioning my existence.”  
  
She wondered if this was what it felt like right before spontaneously combusting in a ball of fire and angst.  
  
“But he said you told him finally, when you knew I was coming back and you ditched him. But you know, I can’t help but wonder if you really ditched him, or if he just froze you out when he found out you had a boyfriend,” Zach said bluntly.  
  
“It wasn’t like that,” she replied.  
  
“Tell me. Tell me the truth. If you care about me at all – tell me the truth and stop lying to me. I’m words on a screen or a disembodied voice, I want you to look at my face and talk to me.”  
  
Summer had never seen this side of Zach, but he wasn’t so much angry as hurt. “Okay. Okay, I’ll talk to you…you weren’t here. You haven’t been here in a long time and I got lonely – and yeah, I partied and went out with guys, but I wasn’t serious about any of them because you are such a major part of my life. But you weren’t here…and Ryan came here and…we clicked.” She took his hands to distract him so she could look down at their laced fingers instead of his eyes. “It had been months since I’d even seen you in person and Ryan was here and tangible and he liked me, not like the other guys, he really took the time to get to know me and that really meant a lot to me. He made living in Newport better. And when Dad told me you were coming back…I ended it with Ryan – I really hurt him but I made that choice because…because it’s you I want to be with,” she said.  
  
He pulled her close and she shuddered against him, wrapping her arms around him.  
  
She’d almost convinced herself.  
  
It wasn’t even about her Dad anymore, it was about her. She’d had a boy that loved her and she’d thrown his love in his face to be with Zach. And Zach loved her. She couldn’t break him, too. She couldn't be that big of a bitch.  
  
She’d made this bed and she was going to lie in it.  
  
Until she burst into flames, of course.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan had a really hard day with the revelations about his mom and the whole Hailey fiasco prior to that.  
  
Kirsten couldn’t stop thinking about his words in the kitchen, his frustration at not knowing how his mother was doing, his desperation at being unable to help her.  
  
She saw Ryan’s door cracked slightly as she walked down the hall and took it as an invitation to check on him.  
  
“Am I that predictable?” Ryan asked when she peeked in. He was lying on his back staring at the ceiling.  
  
“You’ve got a lot on your mind,” Kirsten said, walking in and sitting down in the chair at his desk.  
  
There was a long silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Kirsten thought of it as the ‘adjustment’ period where Ryan had to adjust his walls accordingly.  
  
“Mom told Teresa I ditched her. That I just took off and was scamming you guys and leaving her stranded,” Ryan said, not moving.  
  
“Did Teresa believe her?” Kirsten asked, trying to get a feel for how she knew Dawn.  
  
“No. Teresa…she was my best friend, my girlfriend in a way, for a really long time. And I used to get jobs, work construction and clean houses, whatever, to make money. Teresa is one of the few people that knew about Mom.”  
  
“Are you upset that we know?” Kirsten asked.  
  
He shook his head. “Sandy’s got my file and Ma’s got a record. And I told Seth because I don’t think he’ll tell anybody.”  
  
She started to say something but could see Ryan was still looking up, not expecting anything.  
  
“It was really weird being here at first. You and Sandy are so different than my mom and dad. Today when I was on my way to Chino, I kept trying to picture what I was going to walk into. If there were going to be needles on the table, hash in the oven, rats in the bathroom. If Mom was going to be bruised, or just starved from living off the smack or meth – whatever AJ’s dealing…”  
  
She moved from the chair, going to the bed and pulling the covers back. He slid his body underneath and she laid her hand on his forehead, sitting down on the edge. “You don’t have to live like that anymore. I’m sorry, but she let you go and you have to let her. You didn’t cause this, there was nothing you could do – she sent you away.”  
  
“I’ll be all right. I get it, like, when you and Sandy and Hailey say it – I hear you. And I’m not going to do anything stupid. But knowing that it’s not my fault, doesn’t make it hurt any less,” he said.  
  
“I know. I’m just grateful every day that you’re here with us,” she added, standing up. “Can I turn the light off for you?”  
  
“Thanks,” he replied.  
  
She closed the door and saw Sandy watching her from a few steps away. “How’s he doing?”  
  
“I think he’ll be okay. Calm, quiet,” she said once they were safely in their bedroom.  
  
“It’s a tough spot with Dawn. But the only thing I can think about is how damn glad I am he didn’t make it to Chino today,” Sandy admitted.  
  
“Is there anything we can do for Dawn, Sandy?” Kirsten asked. “Because if she ends up dead, Ryan will never forgive himself.”  
  
Sandy sighed. “She’s non-compliant. The best we can do is have her arrested for prostitution or possession and what’s having two parents in jail going to do for Ryan? From what I’ve seen of Dawn, I don’t think anything will convince her to change if it’s not what she wants.”  
  
“We could give her money. Get her out of California,” Kirsten said.  
  
“Kirsten. Ryan would never forgive us then, that’s not the answer.”  
  
“There is no answer.”  
  
“We can give Ryan a home,” Sandy said. “We can show him the good side of having a family.”  
  


* * *

  
Ryan was determined after his hellish weekend that he was going to move forward with his life. No more idling in neutral, he was a healthy, virile teenage boy and he finally had a place where he didn’t have to take care of anyone but himself. Move forward, not back.  
  
“So, Taylor, hey,” Ryan said, sitting down beside her on the couch in the lounge. He was glad that Seth had wanted to get to school early today.  
  
She glanced up at him in surprise. “Ryan, hey. I didn’t think you were talking to me.”  
  
“You’re my friend. You may be a little…misguided in your idea of me, but…you’re still one of my friends,” Ryan replied.  
  
She smiled at him, but he could see that she was still hurt by his words a few days earlier.  
  
“Look, you know I’m not really over Summer…but I like you and you don’t seem to care that much that I’m on the rebound,” Ryan said, wondering why this was so much harder than he’d practiced in his head.  
  
She was smiling slightly. “Ryan Atwood, are you asking me out?”  
  
“You are my friend, right? And I seem to remember something about you being really smoking in bed. I can’t always tag along behind Seth and Marissa, and I can’t let Summer and Zach keep me from going out and having fun with my friends. I like you. I figure, you won’t think I’m the popular cool kid once you get to know me but I still think we could have a good time,” Ryan said.  
  
She leaned forward, her eyes sparkling. “You have been spending too much time with Seth,” she whispered, kissing him.  
  
There were a few hoots and whistles when Ryan leaned back in his seat, smiling.  
  
“So. Dating, huh?”  
  
“Or something. I never really got the hang of dating. But…you want to come over tonight and hang out? We’ll have to have dinner with the family, but after than, we can do whatever you feel like,” Ryan said.  
  
“Sure. Sounds like a plan. Want to make out some more?” Taylor asked, reading his face.  
  
“Yeah. But PDA’s are not really my thing, you want to go outside?”  
  
She giggled but gathered her things. “All right, Ryan.”  
  
He couldn’t have Summer. Taylor was nice and funny and hot and she was trying to find her place at Harbor just like he was.  
  
This was a good idea. He’d known as soon as he kissed her. Her lips were soft, her mouth welcoming and he forgot all about his mom and his brother and Summer fucking Roberts.  
  


* * *

  
“Hey, guys, how was school?” Sandy asked, home early after getting his last cast of the day thrown out of court.  
  
“Crappy,” Seth muttered, collapsing on the couch.  
  
“Okay,” Ryan answered.  
  
“Ryan got a date,” Seth said, winking at his dad.  
  
“Oh really, do tell,” Sandy asked. He was surprised. Ryan had been down all day Sunday but composed.  
  
“I asked Taylor out,” Ryan said.  
  
“Taylor, your friend Taylor? The girl that helped Seth with the comics?” Sandy questioned.  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
“She’s the girl Ryan met in San Diego. At Comicon. Naked.”  
  
Ryan threw a pillow at Seth, horrified at Seth’s words.  
  
“Oh, I never made the connection,” Sandy said, fighting a smile.  
  
“I guess I’ll just let Seth tell you the rest,” Ryan muttered, standing up and retreating to his room.  
  
“Excuse me for breathing,” Seth said.  
  
“Maybe you should be more careful about broadcasting Ryan’s sexual history,” Sandy said.  
  
“TMI, I remember. But she’s fun and she likes him and he likes her and…I just think it’s about time he got over Summer,” Seth admitted.  
  
“She really did a number on him,” Sandy agreed. “But is this what he wants?”  
  
“He asked her over for dinner. I had nothing to do with it, apart from cheerleading from the sidelines,” Seth said. “Ooh, bad mental image.”  
  
Sandy wanted to think that it was a good thing he was dating again, but he knew that Ryan wasn’t over Summer yet. He hoped that this wouldn’t end up making things worse.  
  
Kirsten was pleased to hear that he had invited Taylor over in a ‘slightly more than friendly’ way and made sure to order a lot of food so they would have lots of options for food to insure she had a good time.  
  
When Ryan brought Taylor in as he was helping Kirsten set the table, Sandy immediately pushed his worries aside because Ryan was smiling and talking to Taylor with shining eyes.  
  


* * *

  
Summer didn’t see Ryan until Thursday afternoon at lunch.  
  
She’d been avoiding him, focusing her time and energy on Zach. They’d made love after her profession and her faked orgasm had made him smile so wide that she knew he’d bought it.  
  
She had been psyching herself up for seeing Ryan and not setting off the alarm bells in Zach’s head again.  
  
She couldn’t have Ryan but she had Zach.  
  
Marissa was second on her priority list. She spent a lot of time with them in the library, watching Oliver try to impress Marissa despite Marissa’s consistent chatter about Seth.  
  
Seth was a fixture, hovering near Marissa like a moth to a streetlight, but he had impressed Summer by his low-pressure groveling.  
  
So, Thursday, when she ventured outside to meet Zach, she wasn’t exactly searching the clusters of people for Ryan, but she couldn’t help but see him sitting in the shade with Taylor, Anna, Luke and Chip.  
  
It wasn’t the group he was sitting with that held her attention, it was the way Taylor Townsend was sitting with him. Their legs were entwined and Taylor’s back was supported against his chest.  
  
They were so comfortable together.  
  
She thought she was going to be sick.  
  
“Summer, Zach’s in the library looking for you…oh,” Marissa said, spotting her fixation.  
  
“Did you know?”  
  
“I didn’t tell Ryan about Zach. Felt it was kind of karmic when Ryan and Taylor started dating that I’d let you find out for yourself,” Marissa replied quietly.  
  
“Dating?” Summer asked.  
  
“Yeah. She makes him laugh, Sum. You can’t be mad,” Marissa said.  
  
“I’m not. It’s just karmic, like you said, right?” Summer replied, turning away. “I have to meet Zach.”  
  


* * *

  
“Palm Springs,” Marissa said, her eyes dancing with excitement. “Oliver’s parents have a place there and we can golf and hang out without parents and homework and…we can hang out.”  
  
Seth didn’t know what to say, his brain having already vetoed the idea at the name ‘Oliver’, but not being able to ignore her giddy expression.  
  
“Summer and Zach are coming and I really want Ryan and Taylor to come and Zach said he was fine with it and I can convince Summer to do anything I ask…and I was thinking Anna could come…”  
  
Seth shook his head, knowing that Marissa wanted to fix Oliver up with Anna despite Oliver’s obvious lack of interest. “Anna doesn’t like Oliver.” Seth was glad that Marissa didn’t hate Anna for what happened in San Diego, but he wasn’t a fan of matchmaking Oliver with her.  
  
“She doesn’t know Oliver, come on, Seth, please? I’ll invite Luke and Holly, too, that way it’ll be easier for her not to feel left out. Don’t you want to have some fun?”  
  
Seth wondered if he was making a mistake hiding his dislike of Oliver from Marissa. Nobody liked him, but no one had mentioned that to Marissa, not wanting to hurt her feelings.  
  
She was the same Marissa, but she was different, too. She didn’t make as many jokes and she tensed up whenever she was alone. He’d gone to get her coffee and left her on the couch for a minute one day and she was biting her nails when he returned. He was worried about her.  
  
“Come on, Seth, it won’t be the same without you. Just…promise me you’ll think about it?”  
  
“I promise,” he said honestly, taking her hands.  
  


* * *


	23. Chapter 23

“You’re serious about this,” Ryan said, blinking at Oliver.  
  
“Of course, we’re all friends, we should hang out more often as a group,” Oliver grinned, winking at Taylor who glared openly at him despite Marissa’s curious expression.  
  
Marissa seemed to realize her mistake letting Oliver help with the ‘convincing’ when Ryan’s expression didn’t change and he crossed his arms in front of him. “Come on, Ryan, it’ll be nice to get away from Newport a few days,” she said, giving him her best puppy eyes.  
  
His expression softened when he turned his attention to her, but as soon as Oliver spoke again, she saw the flicker of distaste in his eyes. “Ryan, you never go anywhere, you need a vacation,” Oliver said.  
  
Marissa knew that Oliver was a good guy, he was just trying really hard to get her friends to like him. Maybe too hard.  
  
“It won’t be the same without you and Taylor,” Marissa said.  
  
“Oh, is it going to violate your probation leaving town? I forgot all about that,” Oliver said.  
  
“Oliver!” Marissa scolded, but Ryan was still completely still.  
  
“We appreciate the invitation, Marissa, but as long as *your* friend continues to belittle other people in order to make himself seem cooler, we will have to respectively decline,” Taylor said suddenly, pausing long enough to link arms with Ryan and lead him away.  
  
“I didn’t mean to upset him,” Oliver promised, looking stunned at Taylor’s parting words.  
  
She stared at him.  
  
“Marissa, I just didn’t want to get him in trouble – I swear! You know me, you know I’d never do that…”  
  
“I told you about his past in confidence, it was between you and me and you brought it up in front of everyone. I don’t tell people about your secrets – you’re way out of line. I don’t even know if I want to go with you now,” Marissa replied, remembering the lack of excitement in all her friend’s eyes when she had brought up Palm Springs.  
  
She knew that her friends didn’t like Oliver. But he’d been such a good friend to her in rehab and he was still a good friend to her…but he hadn’t clicked with anyone else and in all honesty, she was getting a little tired of having to spend so much time with him when she could be with Seth or Summer. But she was the only friend he had here and she couldn’t just abandon him.  
  
“Marissa, I’m sorry, I’ll apologize, it was just a stupid thought I should’ve kept to myself, I’m so sorry,” he said.  
  
“I’ll see you after class, I have to go to my locker first.”  
  
“I’ll come with you…”  
  
“No, I’ll see you after class,” she said, making it clear how pissed she was.  
  
Ryan and Taylor were in the hall and she was relieved to see that they weren’t still upset. At least, judging by the way Taylor was trying to eat Ryan’s face against the locker.  
  
“I’m sorry about that, Ryan,” Marissa said, ignoring their PDA since it was so commonplace lately. She’d never say it to Summer, but Taylor was good for Ryan.  
  
“Not really your fault,” Ryan replied as Taylor let him breathe, stepping back and leaning against the lockers beside him.  
  
“He’s a jackass. Even if no one else has the balls to say it, I’ll say it. And I don’t even have balls,” Taylor said.  
  
“He’s just having a really hard time fitting in, I don’t think he had many friends at his old school,” Marissa said.  
  
“I wonder why,” Taylor said under her breath, kissing Ryan on the cheek. “I’ll see you after school, I am still driving you to work, aren’t I?”  
  
“Yes, please,” Ryan smiled, watching her as she walked away. He turned his attention back to Marissa. “Speaking of his old school…where did he say he went?”  
  
“Pacific,” Marissa replied.  
  
“He told Luke he went to Kaiser Christian Academy,” Ryan replied. “And he told Taylor that he was in boarding school in Rhode Island. I was just curious as to what he told you.”  
  
Marissa was stunned. “Really? You think he’s lying?”  
  
“Doesn’t matter what I think,” he shrugged, but his eyes told her the answer. “But you have a lot of people that care about you and don’t want you to get hurt because of some…guy.”  
  
“You know I like Seth, don’t you, Ryan? That I’ve forgiven him and that I want him back?” Marissa asked, needing to hear what Ryan was thinking.  
  
“I hear you say the words, Marissa. But Oliver clearly has feelings for you.”  
  
“He’s my friend, that’s all,” she protested.  
  
“I hear you say the words,” Ryan shrugged again.  
  
Marissa hesitated.  
  
“I’ll see you later, I’ve got to get to class before I get another tardy,” Ryan said, the warning bell sounding.  
  
This wasn’t what she expected to happen when Oliver brought up the trip to Palm Springs. Things were just spinning faster than she could process them.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan liked when Taylor drove him to work. Especially when she drove her Mom’s SUV because there was lots of room and she always made him get to work on time.  
  
She was straddling him in the passenger seat, kissing him into the headrest.  
  
Sometimes they’d stop by her house and have a quickie or she’d let him drive her car so she could give him a blow job.  
  
They didn’t talk much, but they made out a lot.  
  
It was nice.  
  
It was just what he needed to forget about Summer and his mom and Oliver - all the shit that he was trying to sweep out of his head. Dr. Adams and Mr. Jenkins had mentioned something today that had his brain even more cluttered..  
  
“You coming by later?” she asked, leaning back and smiling at him with lusty blue eyes.  
  
“I’ll give you a call, I think Caleb’s coming to dinner and I don’t know what time we’ll be done,” her replied, leaning forward to kiss the hollow of her collarbone. “And I need to talk to you about Palm Springs.”  
  
She looked at him, surprised. “Yeah?”  
  
“Seth wants me to go. But I know you don’t want to, but I’d really appreciate it if you would come,” Ryan said.  
  
“Are you sure? You didn’t want me to come to her party the other weekend,” Taylor replied, climbing off him and sitting down in the driver’s seat but keeping his gaze.  
  
“That was different. I was an asshole about that.”  
  
She smiled, leaning over and kissing him softly on the lips. “Go to work. I’ll start finding my suitcases.”  
  
“Thanks,” Ryan said.  
  
“You’re welcome.”  
  
Ryan got out of the car, adjusting his pants before closing the door and starting toward the Newport Group.  
  
“Pretty girl,” Caleb announced, sitting on the bench by the door.  
  
“Hey. Am I late?”  
  
“No, kid. I saw her car pull up and thought I’d walk you in, but you were indisposed,” Caleb said, walking with him inside the building.  
  
“Sorry. I like Taylor a lot,” Ryan said.  
  
“I could see that. But so did a lot of the staff, so don’t blame me if you get a few safe sex talks in the break room later,” Caleb smiled, patting him on the back as they got on the elevator.  
  
“Did Kirsten see?”  
  
“She’s presenting the plans in LA and the architects are just killing time today. Get some homework done and we’ll put you on a new project tomorrow after we find out if they take the contract,” Caleb said.  
  
Ryan liked the architects, they’d quickly warmed up to him and despite their finicky attitudes, they were patient with him and he was learning a lot from them.  
  
They greeted him from the middle of the room where they’d pushed their drafting tables together and were playing ‘Battleship’ on their laptops.  
  
“Can I ask you guys something, like, off the record?” Ryan asked after several minutes of arguing over the game.  
  
“I know you’re not about to ask us about sex, we all know about your little escapades with showers and kissing your foster aunt,” Mike joked, pointing at him accusingly.  
  
“What? Whatever, no, it’s not about sex,” Ryan muttered, giving him the finger.  
  
“What’s on your mind, kid?” Lou questioned, the oldest of the men.  
  
“So, this whole ‘being smart’ stuff is really new to me, I never really gave a fuck about school before the Cohens started making a big deal out of it…but I’m in these special math and science classes and the professors are starting to talk about all this shit that I have no concept of,” Ryan admitted.  
  
“These are the teachers that are teaching you out of the books I used in college, right?” Rick asked.  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
“What kind of stuff are they talking about?” Rick asked again, curious.  
  
“College. They say I should consider applying to MIT. And like, the only college I’ve ever seriously considered applying to had the word ‘community’ right before the word ‘college’,” Ryan replied. “And then they said that there are all these summer programs and internships that I should consider next year and I…I work during the summer. I can’t waste time doing some cushy office job…even though that’s what I’m doing now,” he realized.  
  
“You’re smart as hell, you can’t seriously tell me you never thought about college,” Lou said.  
  
“I didn’t know many people that went to college when I lived in Chino. And I wasn’t in class enough to catch any teacher’s attention. Then because of those stupid entrance exams for Harbor, I’m on the radar.”  
  
“Kirsten and Sandy don’t make you work,” Rick said. “If you want to go to a summer program, there’s nothing to stop you.”  
  
“I know, but isn’t it a waste?”  
  
“Not to everyone, they could be fun.”  
  
Ryan sighed. “Fun never ends well.”  
  
“You’re a dark, dark, kid sometimes,” Mike said. “It might be good for you to think about college, you’ve changed since Chino, haven’t you? If so, it’s only fair that your options for your future have changed, too.”  
  
“And college is such a long time from now. I can barely focus on the next week, let alone after graduation,” Ryan muttered.  
  
“I’m not feeling the pain, Ryan,” Lou teased. “You’ve got a pretty girlfriend, a bright future and a family that cares about you in your corner. Just relax and try to see through that haze of teenage angst a little.”  
  
“He sunk your battleship,” Ryan nodded, setting off another argument.  
  


* * *

  
Summer was lying on her floor, listening to the carpet.  
  
She’d spent the last three hours boxing up all her dolls, her toys and things that reminded her of her childhood.  
  
She’d turned her phone off. Pulled all the pictures down from her mirror and all the posters off her wall.  
  
She should ask Zach to approach her father about permission to paint her walls black.  
  
She hadn’t spoken to her father without Zach by her side for three weeks.  
  
She looked at the stack of boxes by the door, sealed with duct tape and labeled ‘trash’.  
  
Not storage. Trash. She wasn’t that little happy girl anymore.  
  
She wasn’t a girl and she wasn’t happy. She hated what she’d done. She hated who she’d become. She hated everything about herself.  
  
She wished she had the guts to kill herself.  
  
But she was a coward. She’d chosen her father’s money over a boy’s love. Money wasn’t the same as love. She was weak and scared.  
  
And now she had Zach. A sweet, kind boy who would do anything for her.  
  
And she was too dead inside to appreciate it.  
  
Her punishment was to watch Ryan with another girl. Watch him be happy when she had killed herself inside. She’d never be happy again.  
  
“Summer?”  
  
She almost laughed. She didn’t even think her dad knew where her room was.  
  
“Summer, honey, what are you doing on the floor? Are you all right?”  
  
“Fuck you,” she whispered, tears slipping between her clenched eyelids.  
  
“Summer?” he called again, his hand on her arm for a split second before she shook him off, wrapping her arms around herself.  
  
“I hate you. I hate you. I will never forgive you. I hate you,” she said, meaning every word.  
  
“Honey…”  
  
“Maybe I should slit my wrists – get you the sympathy vote for having a dead daughter…” she said, pushing herself to her feet and picking up her suitcase.  
  
She didn’t look at him.  
  
She had to play her part – she had made her choice and this was her life. Hate and all.  
  


* * *

  
“Dad?” Seth called. Sandy glanced over at his son from his seat at the dining room table.  
  
“What’s up? I thought you guys would be on the road by now.”  
  
It had been a hard sell for Sandy to agree to let the boys go to Palm Springs, but he knew that they could use the time away. Ryan had slowly come back to himself after the revelation about his mother and Taylor seemed like a very nice girl. Seth had been unusually fixated on Marissa’s friend, Oliver, but Sandy trusted Ryan to keep him on track.  
  
“We’re leaving soon, but I wanted to say…thanks. For letting us go, and giving us money and stuff,” Seth said quietly. “I’m sorry I never realized what a good dad you were.”  
  
“Where’s this coming from?” Sandy asked.  
  
Seth shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I hear Marissa talk about her parents, and Ryan’s mom…and I guess…I appreciate you always listening to me and letting me talk to you, even with my penchant for TMI. You’ve always been there for me, and Ryan and I just wanted to say thanks. And if I get arrested for choking Oliver’s smug little face off tonight, I hope I can still call you for bail,” Seth added, smiling to try and lighten the mood.  
  
“I’d prefer you to not get arrested, Seth. You’re a good kid, and you know I’m always going to be here for you.”  
  
“I know. And we’re late,” Seth said, turning and darting from the room.  
  
Sandy wondered what had brought on Seth’s unique confession but he didn’t question it for long, filing it away in his head as a sign of how much his son was growing up.  
  


* * *

  
“I’m totally taking one for the team riding with Oliver up there,” Seth muttered under his breath.  
  
Ryan glanced at Luke, knowing he was right.  
  
“I’ll buy you breakfast, something with syrup and fruit,” Ryan said, earning an amused smiled from Seth.  
  
“Cool.”  
  
“Holly and I are riding with Zach and Summer,” Luke said.  
  
“And Anna’s with me and Taylor,” Ryan said, holding out Seth’s CD case. “Here’s your CDs, since you’re in a different car,” he said.  
  
“Always looking out for me, bro, thanks. I’m off, see you hopefully soon,” Seth said.  
  
“He’s holding together a lot better than I expected,” Luke told Ryan.  
  
“He doesn’t want to lose Marissa and he’s willing to wait it out. I just hope I don’t lose it before he does,” Ryan said. “That kid makes me mad.”  
  
“Get in line, dude. Seth’s got to hit him first, or we’ll be assholes,” Luke said.  
  
Ryan nodded. “I know.”  
  
“You’re going to have enough to deal with – Taylor and Summer in the same house? I’m all about a catfight,” Luke said.  
  
“Who’s bringing the mud?” Ryan muttered, rolling his eyes.  
  
“Better get rolling. See you on the flip side,” Luke said, going to get into Zach’s car.  
  


* * *

  
They were all exhausted from the ride up and Oliver started to grate on Summer’s nerves as soon as he started showing them the rooms in his lavish mansion on the golf course.  
  
He gave her and Zach a large bedroom with a queen-sized bed. Taylor and Ryan got a tiny room with two skinny twin beds. Seth and Marissa were given a room with bunk beds while Luke and Holly were directed to another lavish room with a large double bed.  
  
Anna got the couch when Oliver deemed the rest of the house off limits.  
  
But no one said a word, even when Marissa pulled Oliver outside to ‘talk’ to him.  
  
Summer was tired and depressed and had feigned sleep on the ride up to avoid conversation.  
  
After putting her things away and taking a hot shower, she retreated to the kitchen, raiding the fridge while everyone was getting settled.  
  
She’d seen how uncomfortable Seth had been when they’d exited the cars. Luke and Holly were somber and the only people that seemed to be enjoying themselves were Ryan, Taylor and Anna. They’d gotten out of the Rover laughing.  
  
She wanted to eat until she threw up or passed out.  
  
‘The guys are going out for supplies, we’re abandoned,” Holly said, joining her in the kitchen. She saw Summer’s ice cream and went to the freezer.  
  
Summer didn’t offer to share her bucket of ice cream as Taylor, Anna and Marissa straggled in, freshly changed.  
  
Nobody said much, but luckily there were enough sweets in the freezer to give everyone something to snack on and they settled around the kitchen table.  
  
“Summer, I hope this isn’t too forward, but you’ve been looking a little out of it today,” Taylor said, glancing at her over the carton of ice cream.  
  
“Taylor,” Anna warned, catching Marissa’s worried glance.  
  
“We’re all friends now, aren’t we? I’m not trying to be mean, I just thought we were here to have fun and she’s not having fun,” Taylor replied, waving her spoon pointedly.  
  
“She’s right, hon, what’s wrong?” Holly asked genuinely.  
  
Summer wasn’t going to talk about it with everyone around. She trusted Marissa, and even Holly to a point, but she wasn’t totally sure about Anna and Taylor.  
  
“I think the name of the elephant in the room is _Ryan_ ,” Taylor said quietly.  
  
“It’s not even that,” Summer blurted, her face burning. “It’s so much more than that…”  
  
“Then what?” Marissa asked, her eyes curious and concerned.  
  
Summer took a heaping scoop of ice cream and decided that she didn’t care about Anna and Taylor. “I hate my father.”  
  
Holly laid an arm around her shoulders, and gave her a one-armed hug. “Oh, sweetie, we all hate our parents.”  
  
“I haven’t seen my parents in two months. I did get a voicemail from my Mom last week because I got a C in calculus,” Anna said.  
  
“My dad’s about to be convicted of his first felony,” Marissa added.  
  
“My mother’s fucking the gardener,” Holly said. "But, on the other hand, I think everyone in Newport's fucked that gardener."  
  
“I don’t have enough words in my vocabulary to describe how much I hate my mom,” Taylor said quietly.  
  
Summer looked at her, surprised. “You’re always with your mom.”  
  
“She makes me go with her so she can watch me and tell me what to do. When I was a freshman, I started dating someone she didn’t approve of and she sent me to boarding school. Then the whole Dean thing happened and she had to take me back,” Taylor admitted. “She hates me, too, but that doesn’t really make me feel better.”  
  
“Who were you dating? I don’t even remember you,” Holly said.  
  
Taylor rolled her eyes, smiling sadly. “You wouldn’t. I was in classes with all three of you,” she said, nodding to Marissa, Holly and Summer. “Her name was Alex,” she admitted quietly. “And I really loved her. Then my mom paid her five grand to get out of town and she took it.”  
  
“That’s awful,” Summer conceded, realizing that she was more like Taylor than she’d imagined. “My dad said he’d disown me if I didn’t stop dating Ryan. He said I had to honor my promise to Zach and that he needed me to date someone _appropriate_ while he runs for commissioner.”  
  
“That’s so fucked up,” Holly said. "Like anyone cares who you date - you're in high school."  
  
“Does Zach know?” Anna asked.  
  
“I don’t know. But his dad and my dad are who introduced us. And I know I’m a bitch and I know that you make Ryan happy, Taylor, but I can’t not hate my dad for taking that happiness away from me,” she said.  
  
“You know what this calls for, don’t you?” Anna asked, picking her purse up off the floor. “Do you mind Marissa?”  
  
Marissa glanced at the bag of pot she pulled out and shook her head. “I’m not addicted to pot, I can totally smoke that,” she said.  
  
“You sure? What about Oliver?” Holly asked.  
  
“Fuck Oliver, he’s not the boss of me,” Marissa replied. “He’s on so many antidepressants that he can’t even remember what school he went to.”  
  
“You heard about that?” Anna asked, breaking up the weed as Taylor prepared the rolling paper for a joint.  
  
Summer was surprised that the two of them were so well-equipped. But the more she thought about it, she knew that Ryan and Seth weren’t friends with just anyone. They seemed to find something good in everyone that they met. Which reminded her of how much they disliked Oliver Trask.  
  
“Ryan told me. Off the record, I guess. I don’t know what to think. What do you guys honestly think about Oliver?” she asked.  
  
Summer glanced at her, surprised.  
  
“You really want to know?” Taylor asked quietly.  
  
“I think I, kind of, need to know,” Marissa replied. “He really stood by me in rehab, he helped me through when I thought I was going to lose it…but he’s changed. I don’t know if it was just because I was so isolated and lonely at the clinic – but he was different there. I need to make sure I’m not seeing him through a fogged lens.”  
  
“I think he’s crazy as a loon,” Anna said, lighting the joint.  
  
“I didn’t even want to come, but Luke said he wanted to keep an eye on him. He doesn’t trust him. And for once, I don’t think he’s jealous because he doesn’t act that way around Seth and Seth loves you…” Holly said, flushing as she realized what she’d said.  
  
Summer smiled, giggling as Taylor passed a second joint to her. “He lies, Marissa,” she said honestly, relieved that the focus had shifted from her but feeling lighter for talking about stuff.  
  
“He cuts down everyone when you’re not around,” Taylor said. “He drops things about Ryan’s record and he calls Anna a slut for what happened with Seth. The only reason those guys out there haven’t kicked his ass is because of you. You’ve got good friends, Marissa.”  
  
Marissa seemed stunned, but nodded.  
  
Holly’s choking distracted them for a moment while she hacked up the harsh smoke.  
  
“I’m sorry for dragging you all up here,” Marissa said when Holly was breathing again.  
  
“We didn’t come to hang out with Oliver, we came to hang out with you,” Summer said.  
  
“And our parents aren’t here,” Taylor added, winking at her with a smile.  
  
Marissa laughed and Summer could tell that Taylor had helped her relax.  
  
“I was really surprised you invited me after what happened on our last trip together,” Anna said softly to Marissa.  
  
Summer wondered why psychologists didn’t study the effects of girls, pot and ice cream in enclosed area on honesty. Cops could probably get a lot more confessions with the right environment.  
  
“When I was in rehab, I started getting these boxes from Seth, you helped with them, I think,” Marissa said. “And at first, I didn’t know what to think, but Summer…she told me how you and Seth weren’t together, that you were just friends.”  
  
“There’s no excuse for what I did. I was drunk and lonely and he’s a great guy…the alcohol just took my conscience and stomped it to death,” Anna replied.  
  
“I know all about that,” Holly whispered.  
  
“Holly fucked Luke lots of times while I was dating him but you and Seth were just a one time thing, and after Seth kept writing me – and I knew he wasn’t dating anyone else – I believed that it was just a mistake,” Marissa said. “I can forgive a mistake.”  
  
“What about me? I thought you’d forgiven me, too,” Holly said.  
  
Marissa gave her a small smile. “I forgive you because you really seem to love Luke more than I ever did. I can’t fault you for that.”  
  
“You should really break up with Zach,” Taylor said suddenly, looking at Summer.  
  
“Why would you say that?” Summer asked, totally confused.  
  
“Because it kills Ryan to see you with him,” she replied.  
  
“You’re dating Ryan,” Anna pointed out.  
  
“Yes, but he doesn’t love me,” Taylor shrugged.  
  
“You are a cold bitch,” Holly said, slightly awed.  
  
“Ryan and I aren’t in love. Me and Anna are girls that aren’t lucky enough to have somebody love us like Ryan and Seth love you and Marissa. I accept that. I tried to get Ryan to date me weeks ago, just to make you jealous and he said no. Because he knows he doesn’t love me like that. But we have fun together and he is *insane* in the sack,” Taylor said. “But we have an agreement. We’re not exclusive but if either of us meets someone else, we’ll stop fucking.”  
  
“I hate you,” Anna said seriously. “There’s no such thing as no-strings sex.”  
  
“If I let myself fall in love with Ryan, I’d only get my heart broken. I’m tired of getting my heart broken,” Taylor replied.  
  
“He seems to like you a lot more than how you’re talking,” Summer said.  
  
“You see what you want. But everyone sees that you’re miserable so obviously you’re a worse actor than he is,” Taylor replied.  
  
“Ouch,” Holly hissed.  
  
“I’m like a seat-filler at the Oscars,” Taylor said, sadly. “Keeping the seat warm until you come to your senses.”  
  
“You’re a good friend to him. I’m just a bitch,” Summer replied.  
  
“We’re all bitches. We’re all hypocrites and whores and crappy daughters,” Holly said, smoke drifting from her nostrils. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be happy. And stoned. It means we deserve to get stoned, too.”  
  
“I like her,” Anna laughed, nudging Taylor into a giggle.  
  


* * *

  
Oliver disappeared as soon as they got to the shopping center, leaving the others to do all the shopping.  
  
Seth and Zach were discussing video games since they’d spotted a PS2 in the game room and Ryan walked outside with Luke to smoke a cigarette.  
  
He hadn’t smoked much lately, but he was enjoying the freedom that being out of Sandy and Kirsten’s safety net. As much as he loved them, sometimes he liked knowing he could fuck a hot girl or smoke a cigarette and not feel guilty about it.  
  
Summer seemed sadder than usual and Zach had given Ryan a few solemn looks and Ryan knew something was brewing between them. He just hoped he could stay out of the crossfire.  
  
He was here for Seth.  
  
He spotted Oliver across the parking lot leaning into the window of a car. He nudged Luke to catch his attention.  
  
“What’s he doing?” Luke asked, curious.  
  
“Dark parking lot, all alone and leaning in a window – think he’s making a deal?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Fucking hell, I thought he was clean and sober,” Luke snorted. “Somebody’s got to tell Marissa, what if he drags her into something?”  
  
“We don’t know anything yet, let’s just stay cool,” Ryan said. “But we should definitely tell Seth.”  
  
The car drove away and after several moments, Oliver made his way over to them, smiling in the streetlights. “What are you guys doing? Are we ready to go yet?”  
  
“Car’s loaded, just waiting on Seth and Zach,” Ryan said, lighting a fresh cigarette.  
  
“What were you doing over there?” Luke asked bluntly.  
  
Oliver glanced around and pulled out a small baggie of cocaine. “It’s not for me, but I figured one of you might want it since this is a party,” he said.  
  
“Fuck you,” Luke snorted. “Like we’d ask you for coke.”  
  
“You’re such a dick for having that around Marissa,” Ryan stated.  
  
“Like I said, it’s not for me, it’s for you,” Oliver said. “I wonder what Marissa will think when she finds out you guys asked me to get drugs for you.” He tucked the baggie away and went into the store.  
  
Luke laughed, nudging Ryan. “Fucker doesn’t know everything.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Ryan asked, pissed.  
  
“Marissa knows I don’t do coke, the one time I tried it, I freaked out, I thought I was having a heart attack and never touched the stuff again. She’ll know he’s lying,” Luke said confidently.  
  
“I really hope you’re right,” Ryan said. It was interesting to him how Oliver was plotting things. He was careful of who he targeted but even though he’d researched them and had inside information from Marissa, he was underestimating her and the people that cared about her. But Oliver was giving Seth and Summer a wide berth this weekend.  
  
But Ryan knew it was only a matter of time before he went after them, too. Whatever Oliver was plotting, it involved all of them.  
  


* * *


	24. Chapter 24

“Marissa, can I talk to you?” Oliver cornered her in the hallway. Seth, Zach and Luke were hooking up the PS2 and she had been on her way to help the others put away the groceries and make snacks.  
  
“What’s up?” she asked, not smiling. She was upset about the room assignments he’d planned for her friends and the confessions of the other girls earlier about their impressions of him. She needed to think and didn’t want to talk to him right now.  
  
“Look, I don’t want you to be upset with me…but Luke and Ryan asked me to get something for them…and you’re not going to like it,” Oliver said solemnly.  
  
She searched his face for dishonesty, but he looked like he was telling the truth. “What are you talking about?” She didn’t want to believe he was a liar. Everybody lied, but if what her friends were telling her was true, he was beyond a simple liar. But she didn’t think that all of her friends would make up the same stories.  
  
“They asked me to score them some coke…I didn’t do any, but I felt so bad about it afterwards that I had to tell you.”  
  
His face was still completely calm and controlled.  
  
But she knew he was lying. Even though his face was honest, his words were not. “Why are you doing this?”  
  
“What? I wanted to tell you the truth…”  
  
“You’re lying,” Marissa said, the blatant proof that he had been lying and manipulating her all this time was almost enough to take her breath. She needed to sit down, but she was too angry and stunned to do anything but stare at the stranger in front of her.  
  
“What? I’m not lying, Marissa, I have the coke right here – why would I lie about this? Having the coke around you when you’re recovering – it’s hard, for me, too, and I wanted you to be prepared for it and to let you know I’m here for you…”  
  
“Luke and Ryan don’t do coke,” Marissa stated confidently. “Ryan won’t even smoke up because he gets drug-tested for his probation, which you obviously know about. And Luke is scared of it – he’s kicked people out of his house for doing lines.”  
  
Oliver blanched but didn’t back down. “I’m telling you the truth, Marissa. They asked me to buy this for them.”  
  
“And I’m telling you the truth, Oliver. I don’t believe you,” she repeated. “You’ve gone to a lot of trouble and that’s really scary to me,” she said honestly. “You are lying left and right to make me like you, but I already liked you – but trying to smear my friends and make me get mad at them is only making me hate you.”  
  
“Marissa…”  
  
“I’m going to sit with Seth. Don’t do that all at once, you’ll have a killer headache tomorrow,” Marissa said, forcing herself not to shake as she walked away from him.  
  
As she stepped into the living room, she felt his hand on her arm and she swung around, startled.  
  
“Hey, hey now, what’s going on?” Seth asked immediately, rushing over to her side as she jerked her arm away.  
  
“Nothing,” Marissa snapped, glaring at Oliver.  
  
“I think I’m going to leave you guys alone, I’ll be in my room. I’m kind of tired from the driving,” Oliver said, his eyes flashing with anger and hurt.  
  
Marissa didn’t back down and stepped closer to Seth who was glancing between them curiously. Oliver turned and hurried out of the room.  
  
“Marissa, what’s going on?” Seth whispered.  
  
“He’s not the person I thought he was,” she said, taking his hand. “Let’s not talk about him anymore tonight.”  
  
“We’re, kind of, at his house.”  
  
“For tonight we are,” she said. “But he’s not here right now. We’ll deal with everything tomorrow.”  
  


* * *

  
Summer was content to sit with Zach on the back porch. Anything but sit in the house and watch Taylor and Ryan cuddling on the loveseat.  
  
She hated cuddling. It was like ‘neglect’ to cuddle with a guy like Ryan without getting him naked first. But she didn’t think she could watch them ‘naked cuddling’ the way she felt right now.  
  
“Summer, I think we need to talk again,” Zach said.  
  
“Oh god,” Summer whispered. “What is it?”  
  
“I…I think I’m breaking up with you,” he said.  
  
“What?” she whispered.  
  
“You…you aren’t the same girl that I fell in love with. I see that you’re trying, but you shouldn’t have to change who you are…and you aren’t my girlfriend,” Zach said.  
  
“Zach…”  
  
“I think this is for the best. I think we’ll make much better friends than…boyfriend/girlfriend,” he said.  
  
If Zach was ditching her…then she didn’t have anything left. She’d failed. Her father would hate her again, she won’t have Zach or Ryan…all of this was for nothing.  
  
“Summer?”  
  
“Why are you telling me now?” she asked, looking away and trying to hide how upset she was becoming.  
  
“I just decided. You know how much I care about you…but you’re unhappy and I have to accept that I can’t make you happy,” Zach said.  
  
“You do make me happy…”  
  
“No, I don’t and we both know it,” he whispered. “You going to be okay?”  
  
She shook her head. “I’m not okay. But it doesn’t seem like I get a say in this,” she said, standing up and going inside.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan had pushed the two smaller beds together and they’d stripped the sheets off after everyone else had gone to bed. He had Taylor’s legs braced on his shoulders as he tried to bring her to orgasm by thrusting into her deeply and sucking her nipples as she held his mouth against her breast.  
  
He recognized the hitch in her breath and pushing in completely, timing his climax with hers and kissing her moan away with his lips.  
  
He rolled off her and she tossed a leg over his, curling her body around him as he tied off the condom and tossed it in the garbage.  
  
“That was nice. I like a quickie as much as the next girl, but there’s no comparison to a nice, hard fuck,” she said, tracing patterns across his sweaty chest.  
  
“I’m not arguing with that.”  
  
“So…since we’re leaving tomorrow instead of a long weekend, what do you say you lie to the Cohens and hole up in a hotel room with me for the next couple of days?” Taylor said.  
  
“I don’t know, Taylor. It sounds nice, but if Seth turns up home and I’m not with him, it’ll be a little obvious. Rain check?”  
  
She sighed. “I just have a feeling our little ‘arrangement’ is going to be coming to an end soon.”  
  
“What are you talking about?” Ryan asked, looking at her curiously.  
  
“Summer’s still hung up on you and eventually, she’s going to want you back. You never lied to me about what we have and even though we’re dating now, I see the way you still look at her.”  
  
“Don’t be like that, Taylor. I’m not just going to ditch you when Summer’s available again. I’m not a total asshole,” Ryan replied.  
  
“I know you’re not, it would be so much easier if you were. But I accept that you’re not in love with me. And I really want to find someone that looks at me the way you look at Summer,” she said. “I’m going to be around as long as you want me around.”  
  
“I want you around, Taylor,” Ryan said, brushing her damp bangs out of her eyes and smiling before he kissed her.  
  


* * *

  
“Marissa?” Seth whispered. “You okay?”  
  
“Yeah. A little sticky, but okay,” she whispered. “I just lost my virginity on a bed with toy train sheets.”  
  
He kissed her, still a little dazed from the stars of his ‘bedtime surprise’. Seth had a girlfriend again. “You sure you’re alright?”  
  
“Summer said it hurts the first time, but it wasn’t so bad. It was…kind of nice. I like being close to you.”  
  
“Yeah. I really missed you. I missed kissing you and the way you smell…”  
  
“Ew,” she giggled.  
  
“No, really, your hair always smells really good and when you were gone, I kept going to the shampoo aisle in the store and trying to find which one smelled like you.”  
  
“You’re silly.”  
  
He settled with his arms around her. “So. Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Oliver?”  
  
She sighed. “While you guys were gone to the store, I talked to the girls. Ryan got me thinking the other day how Oliver’s stories didn’t match up and I asked everyone what they thought…and it was like a dam burst, Seth, everyone thinks he’s crazy…”  
  
Seth waited for her to finish before adding his own two cents.  
  
“And I didn’t want to believe it, but I’m really glad they told me. When he got back tonight, he pulled out this bag of coke and said that Ryan and Luke made him buy it for them.” She took a deep breath. “And I know that’s a lie. Luke and Ryan don’t do coke and it’s just…a lie. I can’t believe I was so wrong about him…”  
  
“Hey, Marissa…he took advantage of you, why would you think he was lying, normal people don’t just walk around telling lies as a sport,” Seth said. “This isn’t your fault…”  
  
“He really helped me in rehab…”  
  
“You don’t need him to be sober. If he hadn’t been there, you would have still made it through, don’t blame yourself for giving someone the benefit of the doubt. One of the things I love about you is your ability to see the best in everybody. Even an emo geek like me,” Seth said.  
  
She smiled, kissing him. “And you’re not mad we’re going home early?”  
  
“No. It’s been a good trip for me so far. I left Newport with friends and I’m coming back with a girlfriend, so I consider this a ‘win’,” Seth replied.  
  


* * *

  
Marissa knocked on Oliver’s door with Summer by her side. Once she’d explained to Summer about the coke over breakfast, her friend refused to let her go anywhere near Oliver by herself.  
  
“You think he’s naked?” Summer whispered.  
  
“Oliver?” Marissa pushed open the door. The bed looked like no one has slept in it. There was a note stuck to the pillow and she immediately picked it up.  
  
“Did he leave?” Summer asked. “And we thought we were going to be the ones to leave first.”  
  
“Summer,” Marissa whispered.  
  
“What?”  
  
“He says he’s going to kill himself. We’ve got to get back to Newport,” Marissa said.  
  
“He’s just lying, Marissa to get you to come running back to him,” Summer said, taking the letter suspiciously.  
  
“What if he’s not? If I just ignore him and he kills himself…Summer, you have to come with me,” Marissa said, a chill sinking into her bones.  
  
“Let’s tell Seth, Coop, you aren’t…”  
  
“No, we just have to go. Oliver won’t talk to Seth, he’ll talk to me, we have to try,” Marissa said, taking the letter from her and grabbing her hand. “Please.”  
  
“Okay, Coop, I’m coming, but I want it on the record that this is a bad idea,” Summer said, following her down the stairs.  
  


* * *

  
“I’m telling you, something weird is going on,” Seth said for the hundredth time as Ryan pulled up to Taylor’s house.  
  
“We know, Seth, but there’s nothing we can do about it right now,” Ryan replied. “We need to get home and wait for Marissa to tell us why she had to leave in such a rush. We can’t be sure it has anything to do with Oliver.”  
  
Anna and Taylor unloaded together since Anna’s car was at her house and Taylor paused outside his window to give him a goodbye kiss that left him breathless.  
  
He barely registered Zach stepping into his vision. “Hey, can you give me a ride home? Summer picked me up this morning and she’s kind of AWOL.”  
  
“Sure, man, get in,” Ryan said.  
  
He nodded solemnly and climbed into the backseat with his bags. “This was a crappy weekend.”  
  
“It was…different than I expected. But I’m not sure what I was expecting,” Seth replied.  
  
“I broke up with Summer last night,” Zach blurted out. Ryan tapped the brakes accidentally jolting them all before he recovered.  
  
“Oh yeah?” Seth asked when he realized Ryan wasn’t going to say anything.  
  
“Yeah. We gave it a good try, but I think it’s time to stop kicking the dead horse,” Zach muttered.  
  
“Aren’t you supposed to beat the dead horse?” Seth replied.  
  
“Kicking’s just like beating,” Ryan replied, glaring at him.  
  
“Aren’t you going to ask me how she took it?” Zach asked, looking up so Ryan could see him in the rear view mirror.  
  
“You’re bumming a ride home, I think that pretty sums up how she took it, doesn’t it?” Ryan replied.  
  
“I figured you’d be happy,” Zach muttered.  
  
“Why would you think upsetting her would make me happy?” Ryan replied.  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
His phone beeped on his belt and he pulled it from the clip and tossed it to Seth so he could drive.  
  
Seth hit the keys expertly and Ryan was grateful for the distraction from Zach’s conversation.  
  
“Who is it?”  
  
“It’s a text from…Summer.”  
  
“She’s calling you already,” Zach snorted.  
  
“She says that she’s at Oliver’s penthouse and he’s acting…crazier than usual.”  
  
“It says all that?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Without so many vowels, yeah, we have to go right now,” Seth insisted.  
  
“Zach…”  
  
“I’m coming with you,” Zach said. “It’ll take you too long to drop me off and I want to make sure they’re okay, too.”  
  
Ryan glanced at him, but focused on getting to the hotel as fast as possible.  
  


* * *

  
“What are you doing?” Oliver asked, pivoting in place as she closed her phone with a snap.  
  
“I’m sending a text message, what does it look like I’m doing?” Summer replied.  
  
Marissa was sitting beside her on the couch, tapping her foot nervously. When they’d arrived a few minutes earlier and found him sober and not dead, they’d tried to leave.  
  
That’s when things got…tense. Oliver has blocked the door, his eyes looking all kinds of crazy as he hissed out his love for Marissa and his intentions to win her love no matter the cost.  
  
Oliver had told them to sit down and let him think and they’d decided to let him get by with that order. She’d texted Ryan. Ryan would come.  
  
“Oliver, what are you doing here? What do you want from me?” Marissa asked.  
  
“I just want you to love me as much as I love you, Marissa,” he said, walking over to the couch. Summer and Marissa leaned back instinctively. “When I met you, I knew that you were the only girl for me, the one woman in the world that understands me…”  
  
“You’re wrong, I don’t like you that way, Oliver, I’ve told you over and over that I love Seth,” Marissa whispered, gripping Summer’s hand tightly.  
  
Summer prayed that Ryan had gotten her message. She was beginning to wonder what kind of trap they’d walked into.  
  
“You’re delusional, he’s not the right man for you, he’s weak and pathetic and he doesn’t deserve you. He cheated on you, I would never cheat on you, Marissa,” Oliver insisted.  
  
“Come on, Coop, let’s go,” Summer said.  
  
“No, you can’t leave…I need you, Marissa and if you leave…I don’t know what I’ll do.”  
  
“Maybe you can find someone else to stalk,” Summer snapped.  
  
“Shut up, I don’t care what you think, and Marissa will see the truth about you one of these days, she’ll see the truth about all her friends.”  
  
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Marissa asked, pale.  
  
“She’s a slut, and Seth’s a wimp and Ryan’s a criminal – all your friends are just using you…”  
  
“Fuck you,” Summer said. She didn’t even realize she’d been hit until Marissa gasped and pulled her away from Oliver.  
  
“Stop it!” Marissa said, cradling Summer’s stinging cheek in her hand and glaring at Oliver, horrified.  
  
Summer pulled away from Marissa and balled up her fist, hitting Oliver square in his stupid nose and knocking him back several steps so they could get to their feet.  
  
“We are getting out of here,” Summer said.  
  
“You’re not going anywhere,” Oliver said.  
  
She turned to tell him exactly where he could go but Marissa gasped again as they both saw the gun in his hand.  
  


* * *

  
They stopped outside the closed penthouse door, Zach stepping on the heels of his sneakers as they paused.  
  
“We don’t have a key,” Seth stated. He pushed past Ryan and leaned his ear against the door.  
  
“Summer’s car is downstairs, they have to be here,” Ryan said. He reached for the doorknob and turned it, praying for it to be unlocked. It swung open.  
  
Ryan felt Seth’s hand grip and tighten on his shoulder and heard Zach gasp loudly in his ear.  
  
“Seth…” Marissa sobbed, standing up from her spot on the couch where she had been clinging to Summer.  
  
“What are you doing?” Ryan asked, keeping his voice even despite the shock of what he was seeing - Oliver with a shiny handgun and blood trickling from the corner of Summer’s forehead down her cheek. He couldn’t think about that. Not when Oliver had the gun.  
  
“I told you not to come here. See you brought your little bodyguard boyfriend.” Oliver sneered, talking to Seth but glaring at Ryan..  
  
Ryan felt a twinge of pride when he saw his swollen nose. Summer could pack a punch when she wanted to. And Oliver earned it for even considering touching her.  
  
“Oliver…” Seth started.  
  
“Marissa’s mine,” Oliver replied, his eyes sparkling maniacally. “You can’t give her what I can give her. She loves me, you weren’t enough to keep her happy, Seth.”  
  
Seth stiffened beside him but Ryan turned slightly to pat him on the chest to keep him from going after him. Oliver was a whole other level of crazy.  
  
“Dude, you think this is really the way to win her over?” Zach muttered.  
  
“Shut up!” Oliver yelled and the hand holding the gun stopped shaking.  
  
Fuck. Ryan recognized this. He turned around and pushed Zach to the floor, the force taking his breath as he landed on top of the taller kid.  
  
Marissa started to scream – her voice a shrill siren of pure panic.  
  
Ryan pushed himself off Zach and tried to find Oliver in the room with the gun but what he saw was much worse than he expected.  
  
Marissa was still screaming - Zach was staring at him - Seth was on top of Oliver - Summer was just… sitting.  
  
“Seth…” Ryan said, trying to get up.  
  
“No dude,” Zach hissed and Ryan realized that something was holding him down – and it wasn’t Zach. He had a hole in his shoulder and Zach’s shirt was covered with blood. His blood.  
  
There was an ‘oof’ and Seth slid across the carpet on his ass from Oliver’s desperate shove. Ryan reached out to try and grab him and Zach finally saw what he was doing and pulled the lanky boy further away from Oliver and the gun.  
  
Marissa screamed. The doors flew open and several hotel security guards rushed in.  
  
It took them a split second to figure out what was going on and Ryan watched in slow motion as they looked at him then at Oliver and then at the girls. While they were looking, Oliver raised the gun and put the barrel between his lips.  
  
“Don’t,” Ryan yelled but no one heard him over the sound of the gunshot.  
  
“Fuck…” Zach whispered.  
  
Seth was staring at what used to be Oliver. Seth’s mouth was slightly open, blood streaming from his nose almost as fast as it was streaming from Ryan’s shoulder.  
  
“Seth. Seth,” Ryan said, calling his friend. Sandy and Kirsten would kill him if anything happened to Seth…they were going to be so pissed off. And Seth was just staring at the dead body and even Ryan couldn’t look at the mass of brains and blood splattered across the wall. “Seth,” he said urgently and finally he turned and looked at him with glazed brown eyes.  
  
“Ryan…” Zach started, but Ryan was focused on Seth, trying to calm him with his own steady gaze. He didn’t care that his shoulder felt like it was on fire - that it hurt worse than anything he’d ever felt - that the girl that broke his heart was staring at him but wouldn’t come over to him. Seth was his best friend and he couldn’t do this on his own – if Seth freaked, then Ryan would definitely freak.  
  
“Seth, look at me,” Ryan said with a calm he didn’t feel. Seth’s gaze flickered to his shoulder. “No, look at me, in my face, I need you to listen, okay?”  
  
Seth nodded vacantly, but held his gaze.  
  
“I need you to take the girls outside into the hallway and stay with them. I need you to call your dad when you get out there, all right? Zach’s going to help me up and we’ll be right behind you, this is important, okay?”  
  
Seth nodded again, blankly.  
  
“Seth. Now,” he said, hardening his tone. Seth finally snapped out of his trance and stood up, going over to where the guards were trying to comfort Marissa.  
  
“Dude…” Zach said. “You’ve been shot.”  
  
“I know, it fucking hurts,” Ryan snorted.  
  
“You…you saved my life,” he added.  
  
Ryan glared at him. “Well, I guess you’re kind of important to Summer,” he said.  
  
“Dude…” Zach stammered.  
  
The paramedics rushed in then and pulled Zach’s hands off the wound, guiding him aside to check him for injuries. The senator’s son.  
  
Fuck. Things were so fucking complicated.  
  


* * *

  
Caleb got the frantic call from Kiki when he was pulling into the restaurant to meet a client. He immediately cancelled with the maitre’d and made it to the hotel before the cops had even secured the scene.  
  
He’d known that something was going on in his grandsons’ lives but he knew better than to pry. He’d learned that lesson well from Kirsten and Hailey. He’d hated seeing Seth so solemn and mopey but he had seemed to be normal teenage drama.  
  
Now Kirsten said that they were hurt and the cops were there and she was 30 minutes away. She was going nuts trying to get there and Caleb needed to reassure her. He needed to reassure himself. And a part of him felt good being able to do something for his daughter, that she trusted him to look after her ‘precious boys’, to use Rosa’s phrase for them.  
  
He spotted Seth standing in the lobby with several officers around him and a shocked expression locked on his face. He quickly made his way to his side. “Seth.”  
  
“Grandpa, thank god, they won’t let me see Ryan, he’s upstairs and Oliver shot him and he was bleeding and Oliver’s dead and they…” he said in a flurry of words before Caleb pulled him into a hug.  
  
He was shaking in his arms and Caleb cursed himself. These kids today with access to guns and drugs and money like he’d never imagined and now Seth had seen the violence firsthand. And Ryan, the poor kid was supposed to be safe, unhurt in Newport and he’d been shot? This wasn’t supposed to happen here. Chino, maybe, but not Newport.  
  
“Where’s Ryan?” Caleb asked one of the officers.  
  
“The paramedics are with him, he’s going to be fine,” the lady told him.  
  
“Can we see him?” Caleb asked. “I promise Seth will fully cooperate but he needs to see his friend.”  
  
The officer radioed into her shoulder mic and after a beat, nodded at him and led them to the elevator.  
  
“Zach was here, too, his dad’s a senator and these secret service men made us clear the floor,” Seth whispered on the elevator. “Ryan took the bullet for him…he took the bullet for his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend…”  
  
It was like a soap opera that his wife used to watch on TV.  
  
“Deep breaths…” someone was saying when the doors opened on the top floor.  
  
Ryan was seated on a portable gurney surrounded by medics who were bandaging his bloody chest. He was awake and from the look on his face - very pissed off.  
  
Caleb felt a rush of horror when he saw all the bloody gauze overflowing one of the trash cans. Seth pulled away and Caleb was glad to see the relief in both the boys’ eyes when they saw each other.  
  
“Ryan…” Seth whispered.  
  
“Don’t freak out, it’s nothing serious, just relax and stop looking at me like that,” Ryan said, his gaze falling on Caleb with a small but grateful smile. His blue eyes were full of pain and hurt but Caleb knew that he’d never show it in public. He was trying to calm Seth down and shrugged off his own injury to comfort him.  
  
“Dude, you got shot, it is serious…Oliver shot you…” Seth said.  
  
“Can you guys tell me what happened or do you want to wait until Sandford gets here? Kirsten’s on her way, too…” Caleb started.  
  
“What? They’re coming here? Can’t you call them and tell them that it isn’t serious? I mean, I don’t want them to have to come here just because…”  
  
“Shut up,” Seth said suddenly. “I want them here. You’re the one that told me to call them. You just got shot, of course they’re coming.”  
  
Ryan had recoiled a little from Seth’s snapped words and Caleb could see that they were both so shaken that their nerves were on edge.  
  
“Sorry…” Seth whispered, deflating.  
  
“No problem,” Ryan muttered, glaring at the medic that was taking his blood pressure again before turning back to Seth. “What the hell were you thinking in there? Going after that fucking kid?”  
  
“He shot you! And nobody was doing anything, he was going to shoot someone else…” Seth said.  
  
“Yeah, you!” Ryan replied. “I don’t want you to *ever* do that again. If there’s some dude with a gun, I want you to run the other way.”  
  
Caleb watched the exchange. For two kids roughly the same age, Ryan clearly acted like an older, protective brother. The dynamic was interesting to him considering their backgrounds.  
  
“Yeah, right, like you did? He pointed that gun at you and you didn’t run,” Seth replied. “How come that doesn’t apply to you?”  
  
Ryan opened his mouth to reply but didn’t say anything, instead turning to face the medic again who was sliding a hellaciously long syringe into his bicep. “What the hell are you doing?”  
  
Caleb stepped forward, catching Ryan’s attention and taking control of the situation. They were still kids – boys and they’d just seen something horrible and traumatizing. “Ryan, let the people do their work, the quicker you let them fix you up, the quicker the pain will stop.”  
  
He let out a strained sigh and Seth immediately started to babble beside him. “I’m so sorry, dude, I mean, none of this was your fault and it all happened so fast, I just wasn’t thinking and you totally had my back this whole time when we tried to tell Marissa that Oliver was crazy - but I didn’t know he was this crazy, that he would shoot you…”  
  
“Seth. Go into that bathroom right there and splash some water on your face. Then I want you to come out here and tell me everything, okay? Will you do that for an old man?” Caleb asked.  
  
Seth glanced at Ryan who gave him a silent nod. Caleb moved to lean against the gurney beside Ryan once Seth walked away, rubbing his head. He put his hand on Ryan’s back, on the good side and was surprised when the boy actually leaned against him slightly, apparently more comfortable with his contact than the medics.  
  
“Can you tell me what’s going on with him? The wound, and what you’re doing to him? Why isn’t he in the ER?” Caleb asked.  
  
“He’s stable, the bullet went through the muscle in his shoulder, it missed the bone and lodged in the wall. A through and through, or as they used to say, a flesh wound. Because of the senator,” the lady said, nodding toward the closed penthouse door at the opposite end of the hall, “and Mr. Atwood’s insistence that he not be hospitalized, the wound is minor enough to be treated here if the patient agrees to full follow-up and cooperation with the police.”  
  
“Cops,” Ryan whispered. Caleb noticed his eyelids were drooping.  
  
“He lost a lot of blood, but not enough to require an immediate transfusion. I still recommend he be taken to the hospital for a full exam, but…” she trailed off as a suited man approached.  
  
Caleb stood up, blocking the man from Ryan’s view. “Caleb Nichol, and you are?” he asked sternly.  
  
“Secret Service. Are they taking him to the hospital in the ambulance? The senator wants him escorted in a secure vehicle.”  
  
“Can we get back to you on that? I need to know more about what happened before I make any decisions. Gregory knows me, tell him that I’m here and that I’d like to speak to him when he has a moment.”  
  
The Fed seemed surprised at Caleb’s use of the senator’s first name but he seemed to recognize the truth and weight behind it.  
  
“Now,” Caleb said, turning back to the paramedic. “What did you just give him?”  
  
“It’s something to relax him and anesthetize him while we stitch up the wound…”  
  
“Can he get that done at the hospital?” Caleb asked.  
  
“No, do it here…It’ll save me time there, if I have to go,” Ryan offered.  
  
Seth appeared and his eyes were clearer.  
  
“Better?” he asked.  
  
“Yeah, Grandpa. Better.”  
  


* * *

  
Sandy didn’t see anyone he recognized that was his family. He was getting more and more panicked with every glimpse of the uniformed police and security personnel. . Finally, the elevator opened and he saw Caleb’s head shining from inside.  
  
“Cal!” he called, moving quickly and gratefully registering Seth when his arms wrapped around him.  
  
“Dad, oh fuck, Dad…” Seth murmured.  
  
“Are you okay? Seth?”  
  
“No, definitely not, physically - maybe - but definitely not okay. Oliver’s dead and Ryan got shot, he’s,” Seth said, recovering and scrubbing his swollen eyes as he motioned behind him where the paramedics were following Ryan who was wearing Caleb’s suit jacket and leaning heavily on the man for support. “He’s being uncooperative. He’s going to the hospital but Grandpa’s taking us so he doesn’t have to go in an ambulance,” Seth said, sighing.  
  
“He does seem to have a thing with doctors,” Sandy replied, keeping his arm around Seth as he hurried over to Ryan.  
  
“Hey,” Ryan said, sullenly, his eyes dark with concentration and pain.  
  
Caleb shook his head at Sandy when he caught his worried look.  
  
“Hey,” he said instead, stopping Ryan and raising his hand to tilt Ryan’s face up so he could look in his eyes through his bangs. “You okay?”  
  
“Caleb’s going to drive me to the hospital and then they said I can go home. I’ll be okay when I’m home,” Ryan replied after a moment.  
  
“Sandford, stay here with Seth, the police have a few more questions for him and Kirsten is going to be here soon. I’ll call as soon as we get a doctor to check out Ryan,” Caleb said.  
  
“I don’t want to stay, Dad…” Seth protested.  
  
”Seth. I’ll see you in a little while, just get the cops out of the way and then it’ll be over and done,” Ryan said.  
  
Seth sighed but didn’t argue.  
  
“We’ll be there soon, Ryan, are you sure you’re okay to go with Caleb?” Sandy asked.  
  
“Yeah. Better than an ambulance or the cops, and he has a nice ride,” Ryan replied with a tired sigh.  
  
Sandy saw the way Ryan was clearly letting Caleb support him.  
  
“Come along then, the valet’s got the car waiting and you’ll be home soon,” Caleb said. He glanced back at Sandy. “I’ll call as soon as we get there.”  
  


* * *

  
“Seth?” Marissa called, feeling Summer’s grip tighten on her wrist as they walked over to him.  
  
”Hey…you okay?” he asked, his face bright with concern. He searched her face, but seemed hesitant to reach out to her, his arms wrapped around his waist.  
  
“Yeah, we’re all right. The cops say we can go, Zach’s taking home,” she said. There were so many things that she wanted to say but couldn’t. She wanted to tell him how sorry and utterly pissed at herself she was for not seeing how Oliver really was sooner. How she’d do anything to make him forgive her for leaving him in Palm Springs and getting him involved in this. How she’d trusted a stranger over Seth and almost lost everything all over again.  
  
“How’s Ryan?” Summer whispered hoarsely.  
  
“He’s going to be all right, too,” Seth replied. “Dad’s finishing up with the cops and we’re going to meet him.”  
  
“He was bleeding…like, is he hurt badly?” Summer asked.  
  
Seth gave her a strange look. “He’s fine, Summer. I mean, he got shot, but he’s still alive and he’ll heal. He’s tough.”  
  
Summer shuddered a little beside her and Marissa knew it was time to go. Summer had gone into some kind of weird shock when Ryan had been shot and hadn’t even processed that Oliver was dead until the paramedics had given her an injection in the hallway. She was barely speaking full sentences and even though Marissa was really fucking upset, too, she needed to help Summer since she’d been the one that got her into this situation. Marissa had almost gotten all her friends killed. She’d almost been killed.  
  
They’d almost died today.  
  


* * *

  
Caleb watched Ryan out of the corner of his eye as he drove toward the hospital. He had his arm cradled tightly against his chest and his head leaned against the window.  
  
“I’m not going to puke on your seats,” Ryan muttered, not opening his eyes.  
  
He didn’t even bother asking how Ryan knew he was being watched. “You feel okay?”  
  
“I might puke on your floor mats. But not on your seats,” Ryan replied.  
  
“It’s only a couple more miles,” Caleb promised, speeding up.  
  
“Kirsten’s going to lock me in the house. Social services is going to come and interrogate everyone again…this is a really bad day,” Ryan sighed. “That kid’s dead.”  
  
“You came pretty close yourself,” Caleb replied.  
  
“Stupid Zach had to open his mouth. And Seth, he just knocked Oliver down – after he saw him shoot me…I didn’t think he had it in him…he scared the shit out of me,” Ryan muttered.  
  
Caleb pulled into the parking lot and turned to him. “How do you think he felt when you got shot?”  
  
Ryan waved his question off as he opened the door and pulled himself to his feet with his good arm before Caleb could get out.  
  
“God, what kind of pain threshold do you have?” Caleb asked, putting his arm around Ryan’s waist carefully as he wavered by the car.  
  
“I have a much higher tolerance for pain than I do for drugs,” Ryan replied quietly. “Are you really going to take me home after this?”  
  
“If the doctor says you can go, I promise,” Caleb replied, guiding him inside.  
  
The nurses were expecting him, standing beside a couple of the secret service men who gave Caleb a nod of deference and stayed behind as the nurses escorted Ryan into the room.  
  
He didn’t give Ryan a choice as to whether or not he would stay with him. This was an important moment in his relationship with the kid and he was going to treat him exactly as he would treat Seth in the same situation.  
  
“The paramedics dressed it and everything,” Ryan told the ladies, swatting at their probing hands.  
  
“Ryan, let them take a look. It’ll go faster if you cooperate,” he said kindly, helping him take off the jacket.  
  
“Fine,” Ryan grumbled.  
  
A doctor came in as soon as the nurses had undressed the wound and he asked Ryan to do specific things with his arm so he could test the movement. Ryan had a thin sheen of sweat on his face when the man finally let him rest so he could scribble on his clipboard.  
  
Caleb gave him a reassuring pat on the back and was pleased when Ryan looked at him gratefully. Even though he was tough as nails, he was showing his youth and trembling against Caleb’s touch.  
  
Kirsten stepped into the room followed closely by Seth and they both winced when they saw Ryan’s wound.  
  
“I thought you were going to meet us at home,” Ryan said, surprised.  
  
“I wanted to hear what the doctors had to say,” Kirsten replied, taking Caleb’s vacated spot and immediately clenching Ryan’s good hand and planting a soft kiss on his cheek.  
  
“I’m fine,” Ryan whispered.  
  
“I’m going to prescribe some antibiotics and painkillers and I’ll call his PCP so he can get his wound checked daily by a doctor for the first few days. He might need some physical therapy once the wound fully heals, but only time will tell.” The doctor turned his attention back to Ryan. “I want you to rest as much as possible and absolutely do not use your arm more than you have to. You’ll wear the sling and the less you jostle your shoulder, the faster it’ll heal and the less it will hurt. Did you hit your head when you fell? Were you hurt anywhere else?”  
  
Ryan shook his head. “Zach broke my fall, I knocked him over.”  
  
“Speaking of Zach, his Dad’s outside,” Kirsten told Caleb.  
  
“I’ll talk to him,” Caleb said, leaving Ryan in the hands of his daughter and making sure to give Seth a one-armed hug as he walked by him into the hallway.  
  
Senator Stevens was talking with the secret service agents and the nurses and orderlies were gathered and whispering conspiratorially – theorizing about the Senator’s presence.  
  
“Caleb,” Greg said, reaching out his hand.  
  
“Nice to see you, how’s Zach?” Caleb asked.  
  
“Alive thanks to that kid. I wanted to make sure he was okay. And Zach made me promise to come here before meeting him back home.”  
  
“He’s going to be fine, apart from his hero complex,” Caleb replied.  
  
“Well I’m grateful for that complex right now. This is such a mess,” the Senator replied.  
  
“Luckily everything’s settled down now. Ryan’s not really up for company yet, we just want to get him home. Can I take a raincheck for him?”  
  
“Of course. And Zach told me about Ryan’s…situation. I’ll explain everything to social services so they won’t bother him while he’s recovering,” Greg said.  
  
“Thank you, that’s very helpful,” Caleb replied honestly.  
  
“What a mess,” Greg muttered as he walked away.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy shifted the car into park and glanced into the backseat where Ryan was asleep with his head leaned on Kirsten’s shoulder. Seth was dozing in the front seat, calm finally from the medication the doctor had given him at the hospital. He reached over and nudged him gently to wake him.  
  
“Home? Thank god, can you ground me? I don’t feel like going anywhere for the next few days,” Seth grumbled.  
  
“I second that,” Ryan murmured as he sat up.  
  
“Fine, you’re both grounded, I have absolutely no problems with that,” Sandy agreed, opening his door.  
  
“Mr. Cohen?”  
  
He turned and recognized Summer on the front porch. After a moment, Marissa stood up, too.  
  
“Girls, it’s late,” he said even though it was barely night.  
  
“I don’t want to do this right now.” Ryan’s voice was exhausted and low from inside the car.  
  
Sandy knew Kirsten wouldn’t have any qualms about evicting the girls, but he knew that they’d had a bad day, too.  
  
Seth got out of the car. “Hey. Let’s go inside, Ryan’s about to fall over and he needs to go to bed,” he said.  
  
“But…” Summer started.  
  
“It’s not a good time,” Seth interrupted. “Seriously. If you want to be here, you’ll have to settle for talking to me.”  
  
Sandy was startled by Seth’s taking charge of the situation. From Ryan’s tale of the events, Seth was clearly taking charge of a lot of things now. There had been a drastic change in his self-confidence with Ryan’s influence.  
  
Ryan got out of the car before Seth could move. He leaned against the car, his exhaustion palpable. Summer stepped off the porch onto the driveway.  
  
Sandy glanced at Kirsten and she obediently held her tongue and he put his arm around her to encourage her silence. Despite Summer and Ryan’s recent breakup – the electricity was still tangible between the two of them. Sandy remembered the pain of early love all too well and he knew Kirsten did too and that’s why she was so protective of both her sons.  
  
They’d really thought Seth was just jealous of Oliver and had convinced Ryan that something nefarious was going on. He should’ve known better. They all should have listened harder and maybe Oliver would still be alive.  
  
“I’m tired,” Ryan said simply.  
  
Summer seemed to shiver from his words and immediately turned to Marissa. “Let’s go. We can come back later.”  
  
Marissa gave Seth a long look but Seth lowered his gaze, scraping the toe of his sneaker across a crack in the cement.  
  
“We’ll call first,” Summer said, linking arms with her friend and disappearing down the driveway in a flurry of whispering.  
  
“Thanks,” Ryan told Seth.  
  
“I didn’t want to talk to them either. I just want to crash,” Seth said, steadying Ryan into the house.  
  
Kirsten leaned against him with a sigh.  
  
“They’re going to be all right,” he said. And he almost believed it.  
  


* * *


	25. Chapter 25

  
Kirsten was trying to calm herself down but she didn’t want to leave Seth or Ryan long enough to have to think about what almost happened to them.  
  
But Seth wanted some water and Ryan had grunted something like an echo and she had to make sure they were hydrated.  
  
Guns. A kid with a gun. A dead kid.  
  
Thankfully, not hers.  
  
Somebody else got a worse call than she did.  
  
She hurried back into the den and found Seth snoring soundly on the end of the couch. Ryan was watching him, amused.  
  
“He fell asleep midsentence, something about bunnies,” Ryan said.  
  
She shook him gently. “Seth. Go lie down upstairs, I’ll come get you for dinner after you’ve slept a little. Okay?”  
  
Seth nodded groggily and patted Ryan on the knee as he passed him on his way to the stairs.  
  
“Can I just stay out here? I don’t think I can sleep right now,” Ryan said quietly.  
  
“You need to lie down, I have a feeling you’re more tired than you think,” Kirsten urged, holding out the water to him.  
  
“I know I’m tired, I just don’t feel like lying down alone in a dark room…I’d rather stay out here,” he said quietly.  
  
“Okay, but at least lie down on the couch,” Kirsten said, crouching beside the bed and helping him take off his shoes and socks and raising his feet onto the couch. She knew how exhausted he was because of his extreme docility.  
  
“Thanks,” he said.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked quietly.  
  
“Not yet. But…I know where you live,” he replied, smiling at her sadly. “It was really…bad.”  
  
“I can’t even imagine. Here’s the remote and I’m going to return some of the dozen phone calls in the kitchen, you just call me if you need something, okay?” she asked.  
  
He nodded, flipping on the television and turning the volume down, his eyelids already drooping.  
  
Before she could get to the phone, the doorbell rang and she hurried to get it.  
  
“Mrs. Cohen? Are Seth and Ryan okay?” Luke asked. She glanced behind him and saw Taylor, Holly and Anna shuffling nervously.  
  
“Come in, but don’t get them too excited, they’ve had a hard day. Can I ask you what inspired you all to come back from Palm Springs?” Kirsten asked, directing her question to Taylor and Anna, the two girls she knew best.  
  
“Marissa found out Oliver’s a big liar and we decided to come home. Are they okay? We just saw on the news that some kids were shot at Oliver’s hotel and we needed to come over…” Anna said.  
  
”Oliver shot Ryan and then killed himself,” Kirsten said. “I haven’t heard the whole story because they’re pretty shaken up.”  
  
“Where is he?” Taylor whispered. Kirsten nodded to the den and she hurried off with Luke and Anna on her heels.  
  
“Marissa and Summer are okay?” Holly asked before following them.  
  
“They’re pretty shaken up, too, but intact. I think they’re next door,” Kirsten said. She followed them into the den so she could make sure they weren’t bothering Ryan but saw that he was still lying down. Taylor had sat down on the floor and was holding his good hand and Anna was maneuvering a blanket across him as he talked quietly to Luke about what had happened.  
  
“Dude, we walked in and he had the gun out. He’d hit Summer and he had the gun…he was, like, holding them hostage. We didn’t even have time to think and he shot at Zach.”  
  
“What was Zach doing there?” Holly asked.  
  
“We were on our way to take him home, Summer texted me before we were at his house and he came with us. I pushed him out of the way and the bullet went in my shoulder,” Ryan said.  
  
Kirsten shuddered involuntarily.  
  
“And Seth, god, you should have seen him, he just lunged at Oliver, trying to get the gun away from him – I’m so going to kick his ass for that later, but he was so pissed off…” Ryan continued. “And when the security guards got there, Oliver just…he put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger…it was the worst thing I’ve ever seen…”  
  
“God…I wish you would’ve called…” Luke said.  
  
“Believe me, you didn’t need to be there,” Ryan muttered.  
  
“Are you going to be okay?” Anna asked.  
  
“Yeah, in a while. I have to take it easy and wear this stupid sling,” Ryan said.  
  
Kirsten left them alone and wished that she hadn’t heard the whole story. Now she was even more worried about her kids.  
  


* * *

  
“Kid’s got his own little harem going on out there,” Hailey said, joining her sister and Sandy in the kitchen.  
  
“Please don’t say you’re including Luke in that,” Sandy replied.  
  
“I just heard, Dad told me, he’ll be here soon, he’s bringing enough takeout to feed a small army,” Hailey said. “Where’s Seth?”  
  
“Upstairs, sleeping last I checked. Can’t seem to get Ryan to wind down enough to close his eyes,” Sandy admitted.  
  
“Who is this Oliver kid anyway? The kid that Seth kept talking about sniffing around Marissa in rehab?” Hailey asked.  
  
“Yeah. The cops say he was a sick kid. They found all kinds of pictures of Marissa and the kids, he’d been stalking her. Even enrolled at Harbor to be close to her. Poor girl had no idea until this weekend, apparently and he snapped,” Sandy explained.  
“God, I don’t remember high school being this dramatic,” Hailey said.  
  
The doorbell rang and Kirsten let out a tired sigh.  
  
“I’ll get it,” Hailey offered, seeing Kirsten glare at the paper in her hand with scribbled messages from worried people who had seen the news.  
  
“Hailey. Surprised to see you in town,” Dr. Adams said gruffly from the porch.  
  
“Dr. Adams, thought you’d be dead by now, sir,” she replied with a grin. She’d given the man pure hell during her high school days but they had developed a mutual respect during her senior year.  
  
“Not for your lack of trying to kill me,” he smiled. “Ryan’s a student of mine, I was wondering how he was doing.”  
  
Sandy joined Hailey by the door, shaking the teacher’s hand. “Dr. Adams.”  
  
“He’s worried about Ryan, or else he’s making pop quiz housecalls again,” Hailey said.  
  
“Come in, Ryan’s okay, he’s in the den,” Sandy said.  
  
Hailey watched, intrigued as the old man cleared the teenagers milling around the den and zoned in on Ryan.  
  
“Hey, Dr. Adams,” Ryan said, his exhaustion palpable in his voice but he smiled at the old man. “What are you doing here?”  
  
The other teenagers seemed confused as well.  
  
“Can’t let my best students get shot on my watch,” Dr. Adams frowned.  
  
“Come on, kids, let’s give Ryan some time to get upright before dinner, come into the kitchen,” Sandy said, ushering the kids out of the room as Ryan pushed himself to a sitting position on the couch and Dr. Adams sat down.  
  
“It was just a stupid accident, it’s not a big deal,” Ryan said.  
  
“It is such a very big deal, Ryan,” Dr. Adams sighed.  
  
Hailey left them alone, going upstairs to Seth’s room and pushing open the door.  
  
He was lying on his side under the covers staring at his plastic horse. “Hey, kid.”  
  
“Hey, Hailey. Who’s downstairs?” Seth asked as she sat down on his bed.  
  
“Some of your friends, and one of Ryan’s teachers. You okay?”  
  
Seth shook his head. “No. Ryan got shot. And Oliver…he didn’t even have a face when he fell…”  
  
“Oh, Seth…I’m so sorry that you had to see that…”  
  
“As bad as it was, I keep thinking about what would have happened if we’d gotten there too late, or if the security guards hadn’t come when they did…that he would’ve hurt Marissa, or somebody else…a kid is dead. And I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel,” Seth whispered.  
  
She threaded her fingers through his curls, trying to calm him down. He’d grown up so much while she’d been gone, but he was still just a kid. “You probably feel a lot of things. You’re alive, Ryan’s alive, Marissa is alive…that’s all you have to remember right now. Focus on the good and not the bad.”  
  
He sighed.  
  
“Come downstairs, you should eat something. I know Ryan will be glad to see you.”  
  
“I’ll be down in a little while. I want to shower first…I feel like I need to wash some of the ‘death’ off myself,” he said.  
  
“Don’t be long or I’ll be back,” she warned.  
  
“Thanks,” Seth smiled sadly.  
  
She returned to the den where she was surprised to find Ryan talking comfortably with Dr. Adams and a couple of other guys she recognized from the Newport Group with no sign of the normal trepidation of kids talking to teachers. It seemed they were friends as well as just mentors and students.  
  
“Everything all right?” she asked hesitantly.  
  
“We’re getting the kid a bulletproof vest for Christmas,” Rick said, making Ryan roll his eyes.  
  
“Everyone’s overreacting,” Ryan muttered.  
  
Caleb arrived and the men immediately went to help their boss with the boxes of food as Ryan pulled his feet up onto the couch and leaned his head against the back of the couch.  
  
“You get some rest, kid, I’m going to go speak with Sandy and Kirsten,” Dr. Adams said, walking with Hailey into the kitchen, casting a worried glance back at him. “I wonder if he knows how lucky he is.”  
  
“Believe me, he does,” Hailey replied.  
  


* * *

  
“Come with me over to Marissa’s,” Holly said, dropping her paper plate in the trash and turning to him.  
  
“I think she’s mad at me,” Seth replied.  
  
“Then show her that she doesn’t have a reason to be. Please, Cohen? Julie hates Luke but she’ll let you in the house. Don’t you want to see her?”  
  
Seth really wanted to see her. He needed to see her.  
  
“Come on, please,” Holly pleaded.  
  
“Okay, come on, I know a shortcut,” Seth conceded, nodding to Ryan who gave him an understanding ‘blink’ from his tired eyes. He was dead on his feet but was still refusing to lie down in his room. He led the way down the thin path through the bushes to Marissa’s yard.  
  
“Why do you think she’s mad?”  
  
“I don’t know, because I didn’t talk to her after Oliver died? I just…my head’s a little messed up.”  
  
“Hers probably is, too, you guys can be messed up together instead of apart,” Holly said, squeezing his arm before ringing the doorbell.  
  
Marissa looked like she’d been crying for hours, her eyes red and raw when she opened the door. She looked at Seth and he couldn’t stop himself from stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her.  
  
“I’m so sorry…” she whispered against his chest.  
  
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Marissa. He was…sick. I’m just glad he can’t hurt you anymore,” Seth replied. Holly pushed past them, going to where Summer was sitting on the stairs staring at the carpet. She looked worse than Marissa did, but without the crying.  
  
“I was so scared…I still can’t believe what happened,” she murmured.  
  
“I know…but it’s over now and we have to deal with it,” Seth said. “I’m not sure how, but we have to try.”  
  
“I know. Are you mad?”  
  
“No, baby, scared out of my mind – probably still in shock, but I’m not mad at you. I…I love you, Marissa,” he whispered, holding her close. “And I’m sorry if it’s too soon for me to say that, but after today, I feel like I need to say it so you’ll know.”  
  
She started to cry, but didn’t let go of him.  
  
He didn’t even notice Holly leading Summer out of the house.  
  


* * *

  
“My dad hasn’t even called. He doesn’t even care if I’m dead or alive,” Summer murmured, sitting on the Cohen’s patio where Holly had led her up a path.  
  
“Oh, honey…” Holly said, not sure what to do with her now that she’d got her out of Marissa’s house. She’d obviously expected the fresh air to help more than it had.  
  
“Even Marissa’s mom and dad have came to check on her…my dad can’t even pick up a phone,” Summer whispered, not blinking.  
  
She didn’t register Kirsten until she was kneeling beside her with the steaming cup of coffee. “Here, honey, drink this.”  
  
“Kirsten?” she blinked, not sure what she was doing here.  
  
Kirsten smiled at her kindly, stroking her hair softly. “Come on, honey, you’re exhausted and we’re sending all the kids home. Come on.”  
  
She thought that Kirsten was kicking her out and followed her automatically. She glanced around the den before turning to face her when they stopped.  
  
“You can stay here, on the couch. Holly said that your father’s not home and you shouldn’t be alone tonight. Ryan needs his rest and so do you,” Kirsten added.  
  
“I should stay with Marissa,” Summer said but she didn’t mean it. She wanted to stay here but she knew that she shouldn’t.  
  
“Seth’s staying with Marissa tonight at her mother’s request. I don’t want you going home alone. You can go back over to Marissa’s tomorrow, first thing,” Kirsten said, giving her an unmistakable look of pity.  
  
She couldn’t handle this right now. She couldn’t be in Ryan’s house and not see him, she couldn’t take advantage of his family just because her own didn’t care. “I’m sorry, I have to go,” she managed, hurrying to the door.  
  
She didn’t even know where her car was anymore, they’d been playing ‘swap the driver’ all day.  
  
She could walk. There was nothing wrong with her legs. But she was slightly relieved when she spotted her car at the end of Marissa’s driveway.  
  
She didn’t look back where Kirsten had followed her outside, she didn’t need a mother. Her own father didn’t care about her, why should someone else’s parents?  
  
The lights were on when she got home and she parked at the end of the driveway so her father wouldn’t have to move her car to get out in the morning. She knew how much he hated being held up when he was on his way to the hospital. She’d hate for him to get held up.  
  
She didn’t have her purse or anything so she took her keys and went into the house.  
  
“What are you doing home? I thought you were in Palm Springs for the weekend,” her father asked, glancing up in surprise.  
  
She didn’t respond. She’d heard the cops call him, she’d heard Zach leave him a voicemail. She kept walking. There was nothing wrong with her legs.  
  
“Summer?”  
  
She closed the door to her room and leaned against it, letting her head bang against the door a couple of times.  
  
Then she sat down to listen to the carpet.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy stepped into Ryan’s room, hearing the muted groans.  
  
Ryan was twisted in the sheets, the sling tight around his neck, pulling his arm up at an odd angle.  
  
“Oh, kid, wake up, Ryan…” Sandy called softly, approaching the bed cautiously.  
  
Ryan stilled, turning his head toward him with a low whimper that made Sandy’s heart stutter with worry.  
  
Sandy unhooked the sling, gently lowering his arm as Ryan opened his eyes with a gasp. “It’s all right, you’re just tangled up.”  
  
Ryan was breathing rapidly and his eyes were glazed with pain and panic. “It hurts…” he whispered and Sandy wasn’t sure he was awake yet because the confession was unlike Ryan to admit.  
  
“Just relax…breath slowly for me, you’re safe…”  
  
Ryan relaxed, blinking and seeming to recognize him. “Sandy?”  
  
“Sit up for me, Ryan,” Sandy said, putting his hand behind him gently. He frowned when he felt the warm stickiness from where Ryan had disturbed his wound.  
  
“I was dreaming…and Seth got shot and I couldn’t get to him…it was a dream?”  
  
“Yeah, it was just a dream, Seth’s safe and you’re safe,” Sandy soothed, helping him sit up completely.  
  
“Ow,” Ryan hissed.  
  
The bed was spotted with blood and Ryan’s wifebeater was soaked. “I know you’re tired but I want to change your sheets and check your shoulder,”  
  
“Can I have a painkiller? Or six?” Ryan asked.  
  
“We’ll get you something,” Sandy said. “Slowly now,” he urged as Ryan got to his feet. He walked with him to the bathroom.  
  
Ryan pulled away and leaned against the sink heavily, taking a deep, yet shaking breath. “I’m freaking out, I knew I shouldn’t go to sleep, my head’s all messed up and this fucking hurts,” Ryan whispered.  
  
Sandy filled a cup with water and raised it to Ryan’s mouth, steadying him with a hand on his back as he swallowed, his blue eyes confused when they met his in the mirror. “You’re not freaking out, you’re doing just fine. You had a bad dream and you need to let your brain catch up with your body. Just breathe, Ryan, god, your blood pressure must be through the roof.”  
  
Ryan smiled and took the cup from him, finishing it and putting it down. He slowly seemed to recover and pulled his shirt over his head while keeping his bad arm as still as he could manage.  
  
“The front one seems all right, but it, kind of, hurts,” Ryan said.  
  
The pills were sitting on the sink and Sandy quickly found the ones that were for Ryan’s pain and offered him two before wiping the smeared blood off Ryan’s back. His muscles were quivering from the pain and Sandy winced in sympathy as he peeled off the bandage.  
  
“Bad?” Ryan whispered.  
  
“You’re going to see the doctor tomorrow, unless you want me to take you to the ER now. Looks like you just disturbed the stitches, we’ll put some of that stuff they gave you on it and bandage you back up.”  
  
“Are you going to make me go back to bed?” Ryan asked softly.  
  
“Your body needs to rest, Ryan…the nightmares will pass, and I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep,” Sandy said, cleaning and rebandaging Ryan’s shoulder.  
  
Ryan sighed. “You don’t have to stay.”  
  
Sandy helped him into a t-shirt before looping the sling around his neck again, careful to avoid the red marks from where he’d nearly choked on the strap in his sleep. “I need to make sure you rest and don’t just stare at the ceiling and brood.”  
  
Ryan gave him a slight smile and nodded.  
  
They walked out of the bathroom to find Kirsten remaking the bed, the bloodied sheets by her feet.  
  
“I didn’t mean to wake you guys,” Ryan apologized.  
  
“Oh, you didn’t, Sandy woke me. He wasn’t there when I woke up, is everything okay?” she questioned, motioning to his shoulder.  
  
“Sandy fixed it. Thanks,” Ryan said, sitting down on the bed where she’d folded the new sheets down. He ran his hand across the sheets but made no move to lie down.  
  
Sandy gave Kirsten a sideways look and she seemed to catch his meaning and pulled the covers back further to encourage Ryan to lie down. Finally, he stretched out and let her cover him up.  
  
“Just try and sleep, honey. Just try,” Kirsten whispered.  
  
He sighed and rolled over on his side with his back to them. “I’ll be all right. You can go. I promise I’ll sleep,” he whispered.  
  
Sandy didn’t believe him but let Kirsten pull him from the room. “He doesn’t want to sleep, he’s having a rough night,” he whispered.  
  
“He has to sleep, Sandy, he’s dead on his feet,” Kirsten replied.  
  
“Let me take care of it,” Sandy said despite her glare. “Please. You can have next shift, I promise.”  
  
She huffed but didn’t argue as he pushed open the door again.  
  
It hadn’t taken long for Ryan to break his word, he’d pulled the comforter off the bed and was sitting in the floor with his head leaning on the bed. Sandy started to scold him but he saw the way Ryan’s body was shaking.  
  
He was crying. He was completely silent, but there were unmistakable tears running down his face between his clenched eyelids.  
  
Sandy wondered what was really going on in Ryan’s head to make him so upset in the middle of the night. All the immediate danger had passed, but he was breaking down nonetheless. Sandy sat down beside him and put his arm around him delicately pulling him to lean on him.  
  
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I can’t sleep and I’m so tired…but every time I close my eyes…I see it…and I don’t want to see it anymore, I can’t take it…” Ryan whispered.  
  
“All right. Let’s get you out of this room. You can lie down on the couch and we’ll see what TIVO has saved up for us. I can’t promise that Kirsten’s going to agree with me on this, but if you can’t sleep, there’s nothing I can do to make you,” Sandy said.  
  
Ryan wiped his eyes before looking at him. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Nothing to apologize for, kid. Come on,” Sandy said, helping him off the floor and leaving the comforter around his body as he walked him into the hallway.  
  
“I’m making you some tea, Ryan,” Kirsten said, waiting for them in the den. Sandy got Ryan settled on the couch, still worried about him but trying to do what would make Ryan the most comfortable.  
  
“Sandy, look,” Kirsten whispered when she returned with the tea. Ryan’s eyes had slipped closed while Sandy had his back turned and he was peacefully asleep on the couch.  
  
“I think he just needed company more than anything else,” Sandy said, sliding over so Kirsten could sit down with him in the chair.  
  
“You think Seth’s okay?”  
  
“He’s right next door, he’ll come home if he needs us,” Sandy replied.  
  


* * *

  
Seth was home early the next morning, Marissa’s parents having whisked her off to the therapist first thing. He wasn’t entirely sure he didn’t need to go with her, just to get some outside advice.  
  
When he walked into the house, he was surprised to find Ryan asleep on the couch, Rosa cleaning around him, even going so far to fold the blankets covering him up to keep them off the carpet where she was vacuuming  
  
“When did Ryan become furniture?” Seth asked his mother, finding her in the kitchen.  
  
“He had trouble sleeping that night, he couldn’t get any rest in his room and decided to try the couch,” Kirsten said. “How are you?”  
  
“Okay. I never realized how much girls could really cry when they put their mind to it. I swear, Marissa must be dehydrated,” Seth replied.  
  
“Poor girl. I tried to get Summer to stay here last night, but she ran away like she thought we were going to attack her in her sleep.”  
  
“Marissa said she’s fine, they talked this morning,” Seth replied. “I’m glad I’m home. I care about Marissa a lot, but I really want to spend today with my family and not think about being the strong one.”  
  
“I’m proud of you for handling this so well,” she said, giving him an impulsive hug.  
  
“Believe me, I’m not handling it all that well. I’m barely holding it together, but since I’m not the one with a bullet hole in my shoulder or a friend that committed suicide, I’m not complaining,” Seth replied, holding her tightly.  
  
“Did you get any sleep?”  
  
“Yeah, until Kaitlyn busted in this morning. She’s going to be a handful when she gets older,” Seth said.  
  
“Dr. Kim called today and said that she’s hired a grief counselor in case you or Ryan want to talk to someone,” Kirsten said.  
  
“Can’t we talk to you and Dad?” Seth asked.  
  
“It’s a nice offer, Seth. We didn’t know about Oliver…or the events involved. It might be good for you to talk to someone unbiased,” Kirsten replied.  
  
“I’ll think about it. How long are you going to let Ryan sleep?”  
  
“He’s got a check up at the doctor’s in a few hours, he needs to sleep,” she replied. “You sure you’re okay?”  
  
“Yeah, but I think I’m going to catch a few more Z’s before he gets up.” He hesitated. “Marissa and I got back together before all this happened.”  
  
“I’m glad, Seth,” she smiled.  
  
“Yeah, me, too. I just wish I could’ve done more to help her before this got so…bad,” Seth admitted.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan acquiesced and stayed out of school with Seth the first couple of days of the week but went back on Wednesday to keep from falling behind.  
  
He wasn’t sleeping well but managed to hide it from Sandy and Kirsten, catching a few hours in the early morning and managing to stay normal around them. Seth noticed that he was tired but believed him when he said that he was just sore.  
  
He didn’t see Summer at school and Marissa said that she was taking some time off to get her thoughts together but she’d showed up at the house a few times to talk to him but he’d avoided her so far. Zach wasn’t at school either, his father taking him out of school temporarily.  
  
Taylor and Anna stuck by him, keeping off the concerned freshmen girls that seemed to follow him around like a wounded hero.  
  
But things were different. Ryan felt like he was walking in a haze and couldn’t really focus on the teachers when they asked him questions or questioned him about his homework.  
  
He was just going through the motions.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy had to negotiate with Kirsten to get her to agree to let him go to the teacher-requested conference with Mr. Jenkins and Dr. Adams. Kirsten was very involved with Ryan and Seth’s teachers, and was on several school committees.  
  
Ryan seemed nervous when Sandy met him out front that afternoon.  
  
“You look like you’re in trouble.”  
  
“Teacher conferences usually mean that, don’t they?” Ryan replied, giving him a small grin.  
  
“Kirsten didn’t make it seem that way, she said all your teachers all say you’re doing great,” Sandy said, patting him on the back and following him into the school. Ryan had been more downcast than usual after Oliver’s suicide and Sandy hoped that the kid was finding his bearings again.  
  
The halls were mostly deserted but Sandy was glad to see that a couple of the kids in the hallway gave Ryan friendly waves. It seemed that he had fit into Harbor better than Sandy could’ve hoped.  
  
“There you are, thought you’d run out on us,” Mr. Jenkins smiled, meeting them outside a large empty classroom.  
  
“I considered it,” Ryan replied, clearly comfortable with the man.  
  
“Sandy, good to see you again, thanks for coming,” Dr. Adams greeted him.  
  
“I’m always interested in my kids’ education, when my wife lets me out of the house unsupervised,” Sandy replied jokingly.  
  
“Ryan, I’m almost out of coffee, run down to the lounge and get us a round,” Mr. Jenkins said.  
  
Ryan glanced at Sandy but stood up.  
  
“And no pausing to flirt with the ladies,” Dr. Adams added, earning him a glare from Ryan as he disappeared.  
  
“Sandy, Ryan’s a great kid. But he doesn’t talk much,” Dr. Adams started. “So we don’t know how much information he’s been sharing with you and Kirsten about his classwork.”  
  
“All of his teachers say he’s doing well, am I missing something?” Sandy questioned.  
  
“He’s not doing well in our classes, Sandy,” Mr. Jenkins said. “He’s doing extraordinary.”  
  
Sandy was definitely intrigued.  
  
“If Ryan had been at Harbor from the beginning of his high school career, he’d have already graduated. We’re teaching him out of college textbooks and he’s just soaking up things like a sponge, and it’s…he’s a really special kid.” Mr. Jenkins said.  
  
“Believe me, I know that,” Sandy said.  
  
“Without overstepping our bounds, can I ask how you think Ryan’s doing with the shooting? He’s been a little…down this week,” Dr. Adams said.  
  
“He’s fine, or as fine as he can be,” Sandy said. He caught their dubious looks. “It was a tragedy that he shouldn’t have been involved in, he was hurt, but we’re trying to help him work through what happened that day.”  
  
“The reason we wanted to talk to you in person was to ask if you’d be willing to let us take Ryan on a fieldtrip,” Dr. Adams said as Ryan walked back in with four cups of coffee.  
  
“It’s on your tab,” Ryan said to Mr. Jenkins, glancing at Sandy warily.  
  
“What kind of fieldtrip?” Sandy asked, smiling when he saw that Ryan knew how he took his coffee.  
  
“Mr. Jenkins and I both went to MIT for undergrad and we still keep in touch with our professors and some students that attend,” Dr. Adams explained. “This is in no way a recruiting thing because MIT is definitely not the first college experience I’d want for Ryan – he tells me he wasn’t even considering college before Harbor and MIT may not inspire good impressions at first glance. But we’d really like to show him some of the heights that his talent can take him to.”  
  
Sandy glanced at Ryan who had lowered his gaze from the man’s inferred praise.  
  
“Massachusetts is a little more than a fieldtrip,” Sandy said.  
  
“It would only be for two days and Harbor will cover the costs and his teachers will excuse him from class,” Mr. Jenkins said.  
  
“I’ve never really been out of California, what if I don’t want to go?” Ryan asked suddenly.  
  
“It’s only a few hours on a plane, we’ll get a direct flight if you want,” Mr. Jenkins said, surprised.  
  
“Not really helping your case,” Ryan replied.  
  
“You don’t like planes,” Sandy realized.  
  
“Never been on one, don’t plan to change that,” Ryan nodded.  
  
“Give us a few days to talk it over,” Sandy said.  
  
“It would be a great experience and I think you’d enjoy yourself more than you think,” Dr. Adams said quietly. “But it’s your decision.”  
  


* * *

  
Ryan glared at the offensive sling, hating the way it rubbed against his neck. But he didn’t dare take it of while Kirsten was in the house, she had ears like a bat.  
  
She cleared her throat, stepping into his bedroom. “Only a few more days,” she said, nodding to the sling.  
  
“I hate it when you read my mind,” he muttered, lying down on the bed to express his frustration.  
  
“Summer’s here. Have you talked to her at all?” Kirsten asked, closing the door.  
  
“No,” Ryan said, not sitting up and sighing heavily. “What am I supposed to say to her? Zach broke up with her while we were in Palm Springs…and if I just take her back – then it’s like, all of this was for nothing and she’ll think she can walk all over me.”  
  
“Oh, honey. But aren’t you friends?”  
  
“We were lovers first,” Ryan admitted. “I don’t know if we were every really friends.”  
  
“I’ll tell her you’re busy,” Kirsten replied after a long moment.  
  
“No, let her in. I can’t hide the rest of my life. And it’ll make Seth and Luke happy that they won’t have to run interference for me anymore,” Ryan said.  
  
“All right,” Kirsten said, patting his leg before leaving the room.  
  
He took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself for Summer.  
  
“You’re actually willing to be in the same room with me?” Summer asked, standing in the doorway.  
  
“You’re definitely persistent,” he replied, sitting up. He allowed himself to look at her up close and realized how pale and tired she looked.  
  
She had her arms wrapped around herself in jeans and a baggy sweatshirt with her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail and flip-flops.  
  
“Come in, Summer,” Ryan said.  
  
“How are you doing?” she asked hoarsely, closing the door with a careful click before moving to sit down at the edge of the bed, the furthest spot from him and turned to face him.  
  
“All right, I guess,” he replied.  
  
She took a deep breath and lowered her eyes, tracing a circle on the bedspread. “I thought you were dead.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“When Oliver shot you…you fell. And that’s all I could see – you falling and bleeding and…it’s like my world just stopped turning…I don’t remember Oliver shooting himself, or coming over here that night…I just remember you falling…” Summer whispered.  
  
“I’m okay, Summer,” Ryan replied, startled by her confession.  
  
“I keep seeing it over and over…and you can’t even look at me,” she said.  
  
“You know it’s not like that,” Ryan replied softly.  
  
“I know that I fucked up everything. I can’t please my father and I ended up hurting the only two men I’ve ever cared about…I can’t blame you for hating me, I hate myself so much right now that I’m barely hanging on and I keep seeing you fall – seeing you die…and I need to see you breathing and not dead just for a few minutes or I think I’m going to lose my mind…” she said, tears streaming down her face.  
  
Ryan couldn’t just let her cry and she was spilling her guts to him and…he couldn’t just let her cry. He reached over and took her hand, lacing his fingers with hers and giving it a squeeze. They still had chemistry and the contact had drawn her eyes to him instantly. “I’m not dead, Summer. I’m still very much alive.”  
  
She smiled, pulling her hand to wipe her face and try to regain her composure.  
  
“Having a rough time, yeah, I’ve been there a lot recently,” Ryan said, letting her take his hand again without protest as she slid closer to him on the bed. Taylor was going to kill him, or at least make him feel guilty. But she was so upset and he…cared about her too much to ignore it.  
  
“I don’t want to be this girl anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore,” she whispered quietly. “Some days I don’t even get out of bed unless Coop calls me because I don’t care what happens to me. My dad’s always going to hate me and you’re always going to hate me and the worst part is that I deserve it…”  
  
“Summer. I don’t hate you – I could never hate you,” Ryan said. “That’s not to say that we can ever be together, but I do not hate you. You’re stressing out and you look like you haven’t slept in days and you’re not thinking clearly…”  
  
“I don’t want to think clearly, I just don’t want to think…” she whispered.  
  
Ryan was chilled by her tone, she was more depressed than he’d thought. “Summer…”  
  
She leaned over and put her ear against his chest, pushing him gently to lie back against the pillows like he’d been when she’d come in. “Can I…just sit with you a little while?”  
  
He threaded his fingers through her hair and they sat together.  
  


* * *

  
Seth was over at Marissa’s and Taylor was out with Anna playing ‘wingman’ and Ryan was bored. Summer had been gone when he’d woken up from his doze and he didn’t want to spend too much time trying to process her words from earlier.  
  
So when Luke called and offered to pick him up, he’d actually said yes. He wasn’t going to have as much to do on the weekends now that Marissa and Seth had reconciled and…consummated their relationship.  
  
“I’ll be back later, Luke’s driving so I’ll call if it’s late,” Ryan said, hedging about curfew.  
  
Sandy waved him over to the couch. “You okay?”  
  
“Fine. Tired of everyone asking me that. This sling’s like a flashing light or something,” Ryan muttered.  
  
“No drinking, no unprotected sex, no drugs and no fighting. And you can go,” Sandy said. “And we still have to talk about the teacher conference sometime.”  
  
“Deal,” Ryan said, hearing the rumble of Luke’s truck outside. He waved and hurried outside. Sandy hadn’t said ‘no smoking’ and he was going to remember that if Kirsten smelled smoke on his clothes the next day.  
  
“Dude, I can’t believe you’re leaving your room! Get in here,” Luke grinned, throwing open the door.  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes and climbed into the large truck’s cab. “What’s going on?”  
  
“Not much, Holly’s having a few friends over, not the normal rager though,” Luke replied. “She’s still kind of freaked about what happened to Oliver.”  
  
“Who isn’t? Thanks for the invite, man. I need to get out, I think,” Ryan replied.  
  
“It’s, like, last weekend we were all up at Oliver’s at this time and Marissa had just figured out he was a psycho…but…”  
  
“Nobody knew just how unbalanced he was. A normal sleazeball wouldn’t have blown his brains out when he was confronted,” Ryan replied.  
  
“True,” Luke conceded. “I just want to get wasted and forget about it for a while.”  
  
“I might join you on that tonight,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Cool, Holly’s got a stocked wet bar, her dad’s idea of ‘therapy’.” Luke said.  
  
“Nice.”  
  


* * *

  
“Summer? Summer…what happened to your room?” Marissa called, stepping into the room.  
  
“What do you mean?” Summer asked from the bathroom where she was still trying to powder the circles under her eyes into submission.  
  
Marissa’s face was drawn with concern when she approached. “All your posters, the dark curtains, your dolls and animals…”  
  
“I just cleaned up a little,” Summer replied, turning back to the mirror. “I thought you were bringing Cohen with you.”  
  
“I’m here, just trying to figure out where the black hole originated from that destroyed your room,” Seth called from outside the bathroom.  
  
“Honey…” Marissa whispered.  
  
“Don’t get all weird, it’s just spring cleaning,” Summer shrugged, opening her lipstick tube and painting her lips a happy pink.  
  
“Summer, don’t shut me out, please…I had no idea you were so…”  
  
“So ‘what’?” Summer interrupted, turning to look at her. “What were you going to say?”  
  
Marissa recoiled from her tone but didn’t back down. “I was going to say…sad. I didn’t know you were so sad…”  
  
“Well, now you do. Now are we going to this party or what?” Summer asked, checking herself in the mirror again, fluffing her hair.  
  
Marissa moved behind her, smoothing her palms down the sides of Summer’s hair and leaned her head on her shoulder, holding her head steady. “You’re my best friend and what I think you forget sometimes is that I’m your best friend too. And you obviously have not been talking to me.”  
  
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she sighed, lowering her gaze.  
  
“Summer.”  
  
“Can we just go? I don’t want to talk about anything right now, I just want to get out of here. Please, Marissa?”  
  
“Okay, come on,” Marissa said, releasing her.  
  


* * *

  
Seth kept his arm around Marissa’s waist but they were both watching Summer across the room.  
  
Something was definitely not right. She had been silent on the car ride over to Holly’s, leaning her head against the back window and not complaining about the music that Seth and Marissa were playing. As soon as they’d got to the party, she’d retreated to the corner of the living room to ‘check her email’ which apparently involved staring blankly at the computer to avoid conversation.  
  
“It’s not just me, is it?” Marissa asked him.  
  
“No. She’s…off. I mean, I know she broke up with Zach, or vice versa, but I didn’t expect her to be this upset. She wasn’t this upset about Ryan,” Seth added.  
  
“Believe me, she was, she was just playing her part. And now…she’s not even there,” Marissa said, sloshing her diet coke around her can, frowning at it.  
  
“You want to go somewhere less alcohol friendly?” Seth asked. Holly and Chip were drinking on the patio and there were liquor bottles sitting around the house.  
  
“No, it’s not that. It’s just…going to be different to be at these parties and be sober, you know? But you’re here and you’re not drinking and I know I can do it…or at least I have to try. I can’t ask my friends to give up drinking just because I have a problem,” Marissa said.  
  
He kissed her lightly on the cheek and she smiled.  
  
“I have really good friends,” Marissa said, looking over at Summer again. “I just wish I knew how to be one to Summer.”  
  
“She could just need her space. Ryan’s like that. When he gets in a heavy brood, he just needs to be left alone,” Seth said.  
  
“Does ‘heavy brood’ mean taking flaming shots with Luke and Chip?” Marissa asked, nodding outside to the patio.  
  
“What the hell, he didn’t say he was going out tonight,” Seth said, seeing Ryan downing a shot one-handed as Holly clapped from her seat on the railing.  
  
“Space, huh?” she said, kissing him and climbing off the couch to walk over to Summer. Seth went outside and found Ryan taking another shot and leaning against the railing between Holly and Chip.  
  
“Dude, if I got shot, I wouldn’t leave the hospital, let alone go to school, I’d be fucking traumatized,” Chip was saying.  
  
“That’s because you’re a big pussy, Chip,” Luke scoffed, greeting Seth with a slap of hands.  
  
“What’s up, man?” Seth asked Ryan, the big question in his eyes.  
  
“Nothing. Needed to get out of the house a while. Luke offered and I didn’t have other plans. Marissa in there?” Ryan asked, not meeting his gaze.  
  
“Yeah, and Summer, too,” Seth replied.  
  
Ryan nodded, lighting a cigarette as his only reaction.  
  
“Where’s Taylor tonight?” Holly asked, breaking the tense silence.  
  
“Out with Anna, there’s some new club down the beach…”  
  
“Fluid? Yeah, we were going to hit that tomorrow,” Holly replied.  
  
“Something like that, they had VIP passes for opening night and dancing’s not really my thing,” Ryan said.  
  
“You just let her go out without you?” Chip asked, surprised. Luke elbowed him.  
  
“She’ll let me know if she gets a better offer,” Ryan smirked.  
  
“Can I talk to you?” Seth asked when Ryan accepted another shot.  
  
“Yeah,” Ryan said, swallowing it first and putting the shot glass down before following him inside. “What’s up?”  
  
“That’s what I need to find out from you. Drinking?”  
  
“So? I just need a break, Seth, it’s not a big deal,” Ryan said.  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“I’m positive. I just need to clear my head and this is the closest I can get. It’s just one night, relax,” Ryan said.  
  
Seth sighed.  
  
“Dude. It’s been a hellish week, don’t make it worse,” Ryan said quietly. “I just need a time out.”  
  
“Okay. Just…let me know if there’s anything more than just a time out going on, okay?” Seth said.  
  
“Yeah, I will,” Ryan said. He turned around and glanced at Summer and Marissa crouched at her side. “She okay?”  
  
“I don’t think so. We went to her house and she’s ransacked her room, stripped the walls and the bed and taken everything off the shelves,” Seth admitted.  
  
Ryan put his cigarette out in an empty beer can and walked over to Summer, putting his hands on her shoulders and making her look up at him in surprise. “You know what you need?”  
  
“What?” Summer asked, her brown eyes wide with curiosity, a flicker of life sparking in her eyes for a moment before dulling again.  
  
“A time-out,” Ryan replied. “Come on, let’s go outside.”  
  
Marissa stood up and leaned against Seth as Ryan led Summer outside. “What did he say?”  
  
“He said he just needs to relax. And gratuitous drinking is the only way he can accomplish that right now. I…”  
  
“Let him be, then. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing,” Marissa replied, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him. “Let’s find another way to relax, though, okay?”  
  
“Mm,” Seth agreed. Drinking was overrated, but sex…sex was way underrated.  
  


* * *

  
The vibe was different between Ryan and Summer, but it was still tangible.  
  
She couldn’t fight the way he made her feel. Marissa had been talking about something that Summer wasn’t ready to process and he’d come and rescued her. He wasn’t asking her to talk or to explain herself.  
  
He was just asking her to be there.  
  
Holly and Luke were actually tolerable, if a little wasted, and Chip seemed subdued, making sure everyone had fresh drinks and ate enough snacks to ‘soak up the alcohol’. It was weird how Oliver’s suicide had affected her friends, no matter how distanced from the action they were.  
  
But Ryan was the only reason she felt like she was staying afloat. He wasn’t hovering over her or glaring at her from afar. He was talking to her, his voice breaking through her haze as he told jokes and answered the stupidest questions imaginable from Holly who seemed to think Chino was as foreign as China.  
  
When she started to get drunk off Chip’s delectable margaritas, she didn’t immediately sink into thoughts of jumping Ryan and fucking him senseless like usual because he had done something much more meaningful already.  
  
She was having a good time. She wasn’t faking smiles for Zach or listening to Oliver’s lies or fighting with Oliver over a gun or crying in her bedroom…she was a teenage girl again without anything to worry about until it was time to go home.  
  
She wasn’t going to break this moment.  
  
“Dude, why don’t you come party with us more often?” Luke asked, smoking one of Ryan’s cigarettes despite the dwindling number in the pack.  
  
“Nah, I partied too much of my life away already, and living here, it’s like a gift and I can’t fuck that up getting wasted every weekend,” Ryan replied with a grin. “Also, my luck doesn’t really run that good,” he added, glaring at the sling around his neck.  
  
“I’m telling you, if I got shot, I wouldn’t leave the house for, like, weeks,” Chip said.  
  
“Bad shit happens, doesn’t mean I can just stop, life goes on and we’ve got to go on with it,” Ryan muttered. His cell phone buzzed across the table, making all of them jump in surprise.  
  
”You got curfew?” Summer asked.  
  
Ryan picked up the phone and glanced at the display before raising it to his ear. “Yeah? What? Where? Hold on…” he lowered the phone and glanced at her before addressing everyone. “Taylor and Anna are in jail. Public intoxication,” he said. “Does anybody know how to get to the police station?”  
  
“I’ll get Cohen, he’s sober,” Chip said, stifling a laugh.  
  
Ryan hid his smile and raised the phone again. “I’m on the way, Taylor, don’t flip…no, don’t…I’ll be there soon…no, if you want chili fries, you have to calm down and wait for me…bye.”  
  
“Chili fries?” Summer asked.  
  
“They gave the taxi the wrong address to get home and they were walking and caused a scene at the McDonalds because they didn’t have chili-fries,” Ryan explained.  
  
“Oh my god, they’re right, that sucks,” Holly said.  
  
Seth came to the door, his hair sticking out looking very un-amused. “So, jail?”  
  
“Yes, let’s go see the wizard about some chili-fries,” Ryan said, smiling at her and nodding an invitation with a tilt of his head.  
  


* * *


	26. Chapter 26

Taylor and Anna were drunk. Much more drunk that Ryan and Summer, but they were both pretty drunk as well.  
  
Seth was quickly getting frustrated with the carload of drunken teenagers despite Marissa’s giggling at Taylor and Anna’s story.  
  
“I swear, all they had to do was slap a slice of cheese on the fries and pour some chili on it, it wasn’t like I was asking them to do brain surgery,” Taylor said as Seth pulled into her driveway.  
  
“You should start a petition and send it to McDonalds,” Anna nodded.  
  
“You think it would make a difference?” Taylor asked.  
  
“It will probably make as much difference as you making the night manager cry tonight,” Ryan smirked, staggering out of the car to kiss her goodnight.  
  
Seth rolled his eyes when he saw the way Taylor wrapped herself around Ryan, kissing him deeply.  
  
“You want to come in? Mom doesn’t mind and you look like you’re up for some fun,” Taylor whispered.  
  
“Sorry, I can’t tonight. Can I take a raincheck?”  
  
“If I thought you’d use it, you could. Call me tomorrow, okay?” Taylor said, pushing him back playfully before going inside with Anna.  
  
Ryan was shaking his head when he climbed back into the car.  
  
“So, am I taking you home now?” Seth asked Ryan.  
  
“We’re not going back to Holly’s?” Ryan questioned, surprised.  
  
“You’re drunk, I just thought you’d want to go home,” Seth said, making it clear it wasn’t a suggestion.  
  
Ryan glanced at him, confused. “Are you serious?”  
  
“It’s late,” Seth stated.  
  
“You tell him what to do now?” Summer murmured from the backseat.  
  
“No, it’s fine,” Ryan said, clipping his words. “Drop me off at the gate and you guys can go back to your date.”  
  
“Ryan…” Marissa protested, sensing his anger before Seth could respond.  
  
“Why are you being such a prick? You show up at Holly’s, get wasted and then ask me to pick up your drunk girlfriend from jail…” Seth said, angry that he was being bitched at for trying to look out for his friend.  
  
“I didn’t know you were going to be hanging out with Luke tonight, I didn’t know Taylor was getting arrested tonight, and I didn’t know I was being a prick. Now I know,” Ryan snapped. “Thanks so much for all your help tonight, Seth, and I’ll be sure not to bother you by having a good time again, I had no idea it would ruin your night so fucking much,” Ryan said.  
  
“Dude, what is wrong with you?” Seth demanded, stopping at a stop sign and turning to look at him.  
  
“Fuck you, Seth,” Ryan replied coldly, getting out of the car and slamming the door before walked away.  
  
“You’re just going to let him walk away?” Summer asked quietly.  
  
“What am I supposed to do? I don’t even know what I did wrong!” Seth replied.  
  
“Not everyone is dealing with things as well as you are, you don’t have to make him feel bad about it. He’s just a kid, just like you, and he’s doing the best he can,” Summer said, opening the back door and climbing out. She hurried after Ryan.  
  
“Am I being stupid?” Seth asked Marissa as she climbed into the front seat.  
  
“I think everybody’s a little on edge. Maybe you should cut them a break,” she suggested.  
  
“I guess. You want to come back to my house and wait for them to cool off?” Seth asked.  
  
“Yeah,” she smiled.  
  
He was going to have a good night no matter how angry Ryan was at him tomorrow.  
  


* * *

  
“Ryan, wait up…will you just stop for a minute?”  
  
Ryan stopped.  
  
He wasn’t sure what Seth had even said that set him off, but he was definitely ‘set off’.  
  
He just wanted one night. One night of not being the good little foster kid. One night of not having to worry about probation, or getting shot by crazy kids or getting punished for drinking.  
  
One night to let go of some of this stress that was nesting in the pit of his stomach.  
  
“Too much,” Summer whispered, taking his free hand. “It gets to be too much sometimes, doesn’t it?”  
  
He nodded. “Yeah. Too much.”  
  
“Want to go for a walk? We don’t even have to talk, or anything. Just…walk.”  
  
He didn’t let go of her hand. He wasn’t really sure exactly where they were until she led him to the beach. “I didn’t mean to lose it on Seth.”  
  
“Seth’s just…different than the rest of us. There’s a fine line with getting wasted. Marissa never found that line and Seth’s never looked for it.”  
  
“What about you? Why are you drunk with me tonight?” Ryan asked.  
  
She sighed, staring off at the ocean. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s like, since Oliver died…I can’t even feel anything. Nothing seems real. It’s like my brain just stopped working in that hotel room and nothing I do is making anything any better.”  
  
“I think I know how you feel,” Ryan replied. “Everybody’s always asking me how I’m doing and what I’m thinking about – but they don’t really want to know. They don’t want to hear that I can’t sleep more than two hours a night without waking up with Oliver’s face blowing off. They don’t want to know that I can’t even think about anything else…”  
  
“Well, if I didn’t know us better, I’d say we needed therapy,” Summer smiled.  
  
Ryan snorted. “I wish I believed in it, I might give it a try.”  
  
“This is nice.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You and me, being…friends. Or something. I…I missed you,” she said.  
  
“I think we’re way past that, now,” Ryan replied, looking out at the breaking waves. The wind was cooler than it had seemed at Holly’s house. He hated rain.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“You were one of the first friends I made in Newport apart from Seth. You don’t think I missed you? You have tons of friends, Summer, but I’m not that lucky. And I know you had your reasons, but I could’ve really used you around,” Ryan said.  
  
“I still wanted to be friends…”  
  
“So it’s my fault for not being able to forget that I loved you?”  
  
She immediately shook her head but he could see from the flash of emotion in her eyes that she’d heard him. “No, none of this is your fault. I messed everything up – I ruined my whole life – I finally had someone who made me happy and I gave it up to make my father happy, and he doesn’t even care about me…”  
  
Ryan sighed. He knew what it was like to make a mistake you couldn’t take back and have everything end up in shambles.  
  
Summer took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed a friend.”  
  
“You know, back in Chino, when my brother asked me to go out with him that night, it wasn’t different from any other night. Then we got high, he was drunk as shit and decided to steal a car. A split second and my entire life fell apart and there was no way to take it back,” he said. “So, it’s not the fact that you made a mistake, Summer…it’s about what you’ve learned from it.”  
  
She stopped him mid-step, placing a hand on his chest under the sling. “I want you. No matter what happens, Ryan. I want to be with you.”  
  
“I can’t make everything better, Summer. Your father’s still going to be your father…”  
  
“I know that. But there’s nothing I can do about that. But I can do something about this…if you can forgive me…”  
  
“I can forgive you. But I’m not sure I’m ready to…be what you want me to be,” Ryan replied as the sky flickered with lightning.  
  
“Let’s get off the beach, it’s about to rain cats and dogs,” Summer said. “You shouldn’t be out in the rain.”  
  
“Summer…” he started, confused as to her quick dropping of the conversation.  
  
“You said you forgive me. That’s the first step. I’m not going to push you any further tonight, not when you’ve…you’ve already helped me so much.”  
  
Ryan let her pull him toward the street as the first drops of rain started to fall.  
  


* * *

  
“So. What do you think we should do?” Kirsten asked him once Seth and Marissa were settled in the poolhouse.  
  
“I’m not sure what I’m more upset about, the fact that Ryan went out tonight to get drunk or the fact that Seth tattled on him,” Sandy replied honestly.  
  
“Seth’s just trying to look out for him, Sandy. He’s worried, and so am I. This isn’t like Ryan,” Kirsten replied.  
  
“I know. But don’t you think it’s strange? I mean, you could tell Marissa didn’t want Seth to say anything…”  
  
“Sandy, what are you getting at? It’s almost you’re mad that Seth was honest with us,” Kirsten said, turning to him in alarm.  
  
“Kirsten, don’t you think Seth’s been oddly protective of Ryan lately? He’ll barely let him out of his sight. I admit that Seth’s been much more open with us since Ryan moved in, but he’s always talked it over with Ryan before mentioning anything to us.”  
  
“Well, right now, I’m not worried about Seth, I’m worried about Ryan. It’s raining and he’s got a bullethole in his shoulder and he’s drunk and out god knows where,” Kirsten said.  
  
The sound of the front door opening and closing distracted him from her words. He cleared his throat, making sure the sound would carry toward the foyer.  
  
A very wet Ryan walked into the kitchen, wiping rain off his forehead. “Hey.”  
  
“Go get dried off and put on some warm clothes and come right back,” Kirsten said, making sure to communicate her disapproval.  
  
“Okay. What did I do?” Ryan asked after a beat.  
  
“We’ll tell you when you get back,” Sandy replied, in a softer tone than Kirsten’s, avoiding her glare.  
  
Ryan left quickly.  
  
“We are not going easy on him. He’s lucky we let him go out in the first place in his condition and he betrayed our trust,” Kirsten whispered.  
  
“He’s a kid, Kirsten, and he’s dealing with everything a lot better than we could’ve asked. He had a bad night and we owe him the benefit of the doubt,” Sandy replied.  
  
“We have to be on the same page here, Sandy,” Kirsten said.  
  
Sandy sighed. “Grounded. Three weeks.”  
  
“No TV, no video games and no Taylor,” Kirsten added.  
  
“Are you sure you want to take it that far?”  
  
“He could have hurt himself tonight, Sandy and I want him to at least be fully healed before he goes out getting drunk on the weekends,” Kirsten replied.  
  
Sandy nodded. “All right. But I get executive veto next time.”  
  
“You’re too much of a softie,” Kirsten replied.  
  
Ryan returned in a sweatshirt with a different sling around his neck. “All right.”  
  
“On the stool,” Kirsten said, her voice gentle.  
  
He sat down and looked between them. “Seth told you something, obviously.”  
  
“You’ve been drinking. Anything else we should know about?” Sandy asked.  
  
“No, sir,” Ryan said after a beat.  
  
“You’re breaking out the big guns a little soon, aren’t you?” Sandy replied.  
  
“Can you give us a good explanation?” Kirsten asked.  
  
Ryan shook his head. “I just needed a break.”  
  
“Drinking is a break? You’re on painkillers, Ryan and you should never mix alcohol and painkillers,” Kirsten stated seriously.  
  
“I didn’t take them tonight…” Ryan protested.  
  
“So you intended on drinking when you left the house? Not really helping your case,” Sandy said, surprised.  
  
Ryan sighed. “I’m sorry. I just…I just wanted to forget about everything for a little while.” He lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry I can’t just forget about it like Seth can – I just…I won’t do it again.”  
  
Kirsten glanced at Sandy, concern in her eyes.  
  
“Ryan, we don’t expect you to just forget about it. But if you’re having trouble getting over what happened with Oliver…you have to let us help you. Don’t go out and put your health and life here in danger because you don’t feel like you can come to us,” Sandy said after a moment.  
  
“What could you possibly do, Sandy? I mean, really? Send me to some shrink so he can peg me in the right hole? Give me pills so I walk around all day like a zombie? No, look, I’m sorry, I’m fine. I won’t get drunk any more and I won’t do anything that makes Seth think I’m going to get him arrested,” Ryan replied, his eyes cold.  
  
“You’re grounded, two weeks. No TV, no friends over, you go straight to school and then straight home. And we’ll talk about the rest of it in the morning,” Sandy said after a moment of tense silence.  
  
“Fine.” He took his phone out of his pocket and pushed it across the counter before sliding the stool back with a scrape and walking out of the kitchen with his shoulders back.  
  
“That went well,” Kirsten muttered, putting an arm around his waist and leaning her head against his shoulder.  
  


* * *

  
“Are you ever going to talk to me?” Seth asked Ryan across the counter.  
  
Ryan pushed his uneaten bowl of cereal away and stood up, picking up his backpack and walking out of the kitchen.  
  
Marissa appeared with a curious look on her face. “Ryan didn’t even say hello.”  
  
“He’s pissed off. Mom and Dad grounded him, and from the way he was avoiding them all weekend, it must’ve been bad,” Seth replied.  
  
“I told you it was a bad idea.”  
  
“Ryan washing up in a gutter somewhere was a better idea?” Seth replied.  
  
“It was just one night,” Marissa shrugged.  
  
Seth sighed. “Hearing you, of all people, saying that isn’t making me feel any better. I’m just worried about him.”  
  
“Ryan has always seemed to take care of himself, Seth. There’s nothing wrong with looking out for him, but you need to respect him, too. If he came back here telling your parents what you were doing on the weekend, you might not like it either.”  
  
“I don’t do anything,” Seth protested.  
  
“So, your mom wouldn’t care if she found out we had sex in her car last night?” Marissa replied.  
  
“Ryan would never tell her that…” Seth said. “I should apologize.”  
  
“It would be a nice start,” Marissa smiled, kissing him and sliding the bagel from in front of him and taking a hearty bite.  
  
“Don’t your parents feed you?” Seth scoffed.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan was pissy all morning. His shoulder was killing him and the walk to school had worn him out. He could’ve asked one of the Cohens to drive him, but he was too pissy to deal with being in a confined space with them.  
  
“Ryan? We need to talk,” Taylor said.  
  
He smiled, it was nice to see a friendly face. “Good talk?”  
  
“Not really. Come with me, it’s a group talk,” Taylor said, leading him by his good hand into the lounge and onto one of the couches.  
  
“Ryan. Hey,” Anna said, not meeting his eyes from the opposite end.  
  
“Hey. What’s going on?” Ryan asked, turning to Taylor.  
  
“You remember how, on Friday, you dropped us off at my house and we were really wasted…and I was really horny and you left?” Taylor asked, holding his hand in her lap.  
  
Ryan nodded. Then he glanced at Anna. “You’re…you’re not serious.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Anna whispered. “I was really drunk and I’d never been with a girl before and your girlfriend’s really hot…”  
  
“I thought we had an agreement, Taylor,” Ryan said. He was surprised at how much it hurt. He thought he could trust Taylor. It wasn’t like he loved her, not like he’d loved Summer – but he had feelings for her and was planning on staying with her longer than this.  
  
“I’m so sorry, it was just…an accident,” Taylor said.  
  
Ryan glanced at Anna again. He didn’t think Anna wanted a relationship with Taylor, but this was the second time she’d gotten drunk and had sex and ended up ruining a relationship. He didn’t want to think of her like that, but one mistake was much easier to forgive than two.  
  
“Ryan…it wasn’t her fault, it was mine…” Anna started, choking back tears when she read his face.  
  
“I don’t care,” Ryan said finally. He shook off Taylor’s grip and stood up. “I’m done. I’m just done, with all of this.”  
  
“Ryan…” Taylor called.  
  
He didn’t need this.  
  
God, this sucked.  
  
He ran into someone and bit back a groan as it jarred his sore shoulder. He glared at his obstacle, recognizing Dr. Adams frowning down at him in concern. “Sorry…”  
  
“You okay?” he asked.  
  
Ryan felt like a dam was bursting in his head. “Not really.”  
  
Dr. Adams studied him and gently put a hand on his back, guiding him down the hall to his office. “Come on, you just need some quiet. Why don’t you sit in my office this period, I’ll write you an excuse.”  
  
Ryan didn’t question the offer, immediately sitting down on the couch and leaning his head back to try and get his thoughts in order. Dr. Adams closed the door and left him alone for several minutes.  
  
But he wasn’t surprised when the door opened and Mr. Jenkins stepped in with two cups of coffee.  
  
“You okay, kid?” he asked, sitting down and holding out the cup.  
  
“I’ve only been here three hours and it’s already been a shitty day,” Ryan replied. “Thanks.”  
  
“You want to talk about it?”  
  
“Not really. Kind of personal,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Try me,” the man said.  
  
Ryan studied him. “My girlfriend slept with one of my friends this weekend and they just confessed to me in the lounge. And even though my girlfriend and I weren’t…exclusive, we made a deal not to fuck around without permission first and it really pisses me off.”  
  
“That’s definitely candid,” Mr. Jenkins smiled, amused.  
  
“Everybody’s lying to me and it pisses me off,” Ryan added.  
  
“You do seem pretty pissed off today,” Mr. Jenkins admitted.  
  
“I’m just tired of having people set expectations for me that I can’t meet, or that they can’t meet themselves,” Ryan muttered, not sure why he was talking so much, but not being able to stop. “Seth expects me to be perfect and I’m not. Taylor asks me not to fuck around and she jumps into bed with Anna the first chance she gets.”  
  
“Oh, now, let’s leave names out of this, some of these kids might be in my classes,” Mr. Jenkins said, patting him on the arm.  
  
“Sorry. I just needed something to be easy for once, and my relationship with Taylor was easy,” Ryan replied with a sigh.  
  
“Nothing’s easy when it comes to women. Why do you think I like math so much?” Mr. Jenkins asked.  
  
Ryan smiled, relaxing slightly. “Sorry. For the little freak out.”  
  
“I think you’ve earned it. Chill in here for a while, I have to get back to my class. Dr. Adams will be back in a while to check on you.”  
  
“Thanks,” Ryan replied, grateful for the space.  
  


* * *

  
“How could you do that?” Marissa asked Anna.  
  
Summer was staring at the blonde with her mouth open.  
  
“It…it was a mistake, god, don’t you think I know that? First Seth, now Taylor – I’m like Newport’s homewrecker in training,” Anna said, her eyes red from crying.  
  
Marissa stared at her. She’d forgiven Anna for sleeping with Seth, chalking it up to a drunken mistake, but now she’d slept with another of her ‘friend’s’ significant others.  
  
“I don’t know what to do…I just feel like no matter what I do, it’s the wrong thing,” Anna said, leaning back against her lockers.  
  
“Look, even I knew that Taylor and Ryan were just sleeping together, but I still respected that I wasn’t supposed to fuck him,” Summer said. “And you’re not even gay.”  
  
“I was curious…whatever – that’s not the point, the point is I have to get Ryan to forgive Taylor, she’s really upset and she’s afraid he’s going to hate her…she really cares about him,” Anna said. “I have to fix this.”  
  
“You’re on your own,” Summer said after a beat, walking away.  
  
Marissa sighed. “I’m sorry, Anna. But I’m going with Summer on this one. I forgave you once, but…Ryan’s my friend and I don’t like the fact that you’d do the same thing to him.”  
  
She found Seth waiting at her locker.  
  
“Hey, have you seen Ryan? He missed third period and Luke said he wasn’t in civics,” Seth said, kissing her distractedly.  
  
“Taylor slept with Anna. They told Ryan and apparently he didn’t take it well. Nobody’s seen him since,” Marissa admitted.  
  
“Anna and Taylor? Are you serious?” Seth asked, stunned.  
  
“Afraid so,” Marissa said.  
  
“God. I need to find him, he’s got to be upset,” Seth sighed.  
  
“He’ll be okay, Seth. I’m sure he’ll turn up.”  
  
Marissa hoped Summer didn’t take advantage of this, but she’d seen the flash of anticipation before she’d walked away from Anna.  
  


* * *

  
“Hey there, kid,” Sandy said, watching Ryan sit up stiffly with a yawn on Dr. Adam’s couch.  
  
Ryan blinked at him tiredly. “Sandy?”  
  
“You got a few hours of sleep, wish you could do that outside of school, though,” Sandy said, moving to sit on the couch when Ryan slid his feet onto the floor, realizing where he was.  
  
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to fall asleep.”  
  
“You didn’t tell us you were still having trouble sleeping. Bad dreams?” Sandy asked, watching Ryan stretch his muscles, wincing every few seconds but not stopping his slow adjustment period.  
  
“Yeah. Every night,” Ryan replied quietly. “They’ll go away.”  
  
“You sure?”  
  
“I hope so. I’m really tired of feeling like shit every day,” Ryan mumbled.  
  
“Let’s get you home. Talk about some options,” Sandy said.  
  
“Like what?” Ryan asked, his eyes flashing with worry.  
  
“What are you worried I’m going to say?” Sandy asked quietly.  
  
“A shrink,” Ryan replied immediately.  
  
“I was thinking of talking it over with your PCP first. You haven’t needed any therapy before now and most of this is coming from the trauma you went through with Oliver. If she suggests therapy, then we’ll discuss it, but for now, I trust you. If you’ll talk it over with the doctor, I’m willing to keep an open mind about the next steps,” Sandy said honestly. He could see how worried Ryan was about seeing a psychiatrist and wasn’t ready to risk the trust they’d developed pushing him in that direction. Therapy wouldn’t help him if he was dead set against it.  
  
“Okay,” Ryan said, visibly surprised.  
  
“But first we go home. Dr. Kim wants you to take a few more days off until you’re more rested. All of your homework from your days at home seems to be in order and your teachers have all agreed that they’d rather you be back at full speed before coming back,” Sandy said.  
  
“What about my probation?” Ryan asked.  
  
“It’s all taken care of Ryan. Let’s go,” Sandy said, picking up the backpack before Ryan could reach for it.  
  
Sandy followed Ryan down the hall, giving Dr. Adams a grateful nod as he passed him peeking out of Dr. Kim’s office.  
  


* * *

  
“Here,” Ryan said when Kirsten walked in with the phone for the third time in an hour. She took the note from him, skimming it.  
  
“So, if Anna or Taylor calls, you’re not home. But if Summer or Marissa call, you are home. Seems simple enough,” Kirsten said, amused. “But Holly’s on the phone and she’s not on your list.”  
  
Ryan sighed and held out his hand for the phone. “Hello?”  
  
Kirsten busied herself gathering the discarded glasses and dishes from where Rosa had been bringing Ryan snacks once she found out he was home from school for the afternoon.  
  
“I can’t, I’m grounded, but tell Luke to call me he gets up there to tell me how awesome it is,” Ryan said, a faint smile on his face. “That’s cool, I’ll see you later.”  
  
“What was that about?” Kirsten asked when he lowered the phone.  
  
“Luke and his dad are going to a football game this weekend with Holly and Chip and they had an extra ticket,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“I don’t want another roadtrip, considering how the last one ended,” Ryan muttered.  
  
“Why aren’t you talking to Taylor anymore?”  
  
Ryan glanced at her.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Do you really want to know?” Ryan asked.  
  
Kirsten studied his face. “Okay, I guess not.”  
  
“Let’s just say Taylor cheated on me. And leave it at that,” Ryan sighed. “Everything’s upside down and I’m not up to dealing with any more surprises for the next few days.”  
  
There was a knock and Kirsten walked over, pushing the door completely open. Summer stood in the hall, clearly surprised to see Kirsten.  
  
“I brought him a milkshake,” Summer said.  
  
“You’re on the list, come in. But he’s grounded, so no funny business. Consider this a momentary reprieve,” Kirsten said, giving Ryan a steady look.  
  
“Okay. Thanks, Kirsten,” Ryan said, pushing himself up in bed.  
  
“Thanks,” Summer smiled.  
  
Kirsten was glad to see Summer looking like she had a little more color in her cheeks.  
  
Maybe things would start getting better for the kids soon.  
  


* * *

  
  
Summer pushed the door closed, and was startled to see Ryan had gotten off the bed and moved behind her. “Ryan…”  
  
“Lock it,” he whispered, putting his hand on her lower back and sliding his thumb under the bottom of her shirt to touch her bare skin.  
  
She forced herself not to lean into his touch. But she locked the door. “I got you chocolate. I always eat chocolate when I’m depressed…” she started.  
  
“Who says I’m depressed?” Ryan asked, moving closer until she turned around, inches from his face. His lips…  
  
“Aren’t you depressed? I heard about Taylor…”  
  
“I figured that was why you were here,” Ryan replied huskily, his eyes dark.  
  
Summer wasn’t sure how to interpret his affection as he kissed her neck, his tongue hot against her throat.  
  
“I thought you could use a friend,” Summer said.  
  
“I don’t need a friend right now,” Ryan said after a beat. He looked into her eyes, his face hard. “I need you.”  
  
He kissed her with such force that she thought her lips were going to bruise, but she couldn’t deny that her heart was exploding.  
  
She’d missed this, the passion, the lust, the hot desperation of his kisses.  
  
But something was wrong.  
  
“Ryan…where’s this coming from?” she asked, turning her face away.  
  
He stopped, like a switch turning off.  
  
“It’s not that I don’t like it, but the other night you said you weren’t ready to start dating me again…”  
  
“I said I wasn’t ready to be what you wanted me to be. I can’t be your boyfriend. We had sex before and I wasn’t your boyfriend,” Ryan said, turning away.  
  
“All you want is sex?” Summer asked, following him to the bed.  
  
“I want something that I don’t have to think about.”  
  
Summer made a decision.  
  
Ryan didn’t want to be her boyfriend. But he needed something she could give him anyway.  
  
It hurt, but she deserved it. She’d hurt him and now it was her turn.  
  
She pushed him to lie down on the bed, straddling him quickly and leaning forward to kiss him despite his surprise.  
  
“Summer…”  
  
“You need to get fucked, and I can do that…I still want you, Ryan, and if this is the only way I can have you, I’m going to take it,” she said, unzipping his jeans.  
  
He moaned into her mouth and she kept kissing him, not letting him talk her out of it.  
  
“Just stay there, I don’t want you hurting your shoulder…let me do all the work,” she said, leaning back when he was out of breath.  
  
“Summer…” he groaned, his cock hard in her fist as she tried to find a condom in her purse.  
  
She finally found one and tore it open with her teeth, rolling it on his dick with one hand while she pushed her thong aside with the other and mounted him with a fluid motion.  
  
His hand tangled in her hair, pulling her down to kiss him, his eyes glazed with lust. She started to ride him slowly, grinding her hips in a circle and biting her lip when he began to thrust upwards to try and increase her pace.  
  
“I told you I missed you,” she said, feeling his body tense up finally and seating herself completely on his cock as he shuddered inside her.  
  
“Thanks,” he whispered, kissing her again before she climbed off him and cleaned him up. She flushed the condom and paused long enough to clean herself up before returning to the room.  
  
Ryan watched her, his face unreadable.  
  
“What?” she asked finally.  
  
“Come here,” he said, patting the side of the bed.  
  
She sat down, smoothing her skirt down.  
  
“I’m sorry. I…I’m sorry,” he whispered.  
  
“You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to,” she said, lying down beside him.  
  
He curled his arm around her and she finally felt the chill start to leave her bones.  
  
“How was your day?” he asked.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Tell me about your day. I’m serious. Maybe we should try this friend stuff out,” Ryan said quietly.  
  
“Okay,” she whispered. “Well…Chip thinks he got crabs from this girl he met in a Taco Bell bathroom.”  
  
Ryan let out a laugh and she slid in closer.  
  
“And Holly has decided that she’s against orange food, she’s sworn a vow that she will never eat anything orange again.”  
  
“Not even Cheetos?” Ryan asked.  
  
“I know,” Summer agreed. “It’s crazy, but she’s really serious about it.”  
  


* * *


	27. Chapter 27

“Mom? Why is Summer’s car here? I thought Ryan was grounded,” Seth asked, joining his mother in the kitchen. “And why wasn’t Ryan in school?”  
  
“He’s been excused for the rest of the week. And Summer asked if she could see him and I let him have a slight reprieve,” Kirsten replied. “But I must say, you’re doing a lot of backseat parenting these days when it comes to Ryan.”  
  
Seth sighed, sitting down at the counter. “I just…he got shot, Mom. And even though he’s okay…I don’t want social services to take him away. If it means he hates me and thinks I’m policing him, then so be it. I’m willing for him to hate me if it will keep him here.”  
  
“Seth, no one’s going to take Ryan from us. Social services has been very pleased with his progress and he hasn’t mentioned that he wants to go anywhere,” Kirsten replied, frowning at him.  
  
“I know…but still. I wish I could stop worrying about it – but seeing him getting wasted the other night, it worried me. He can’t afford to get into trouble…” Seth said.  
  
“I’m happy that you’re so concerned, Seth, but I think what Ryan needs right now is a friend instead of another chaperone,” Kirsten said.  
  
“So…I can go in and talk to him?” Seth asked.  
  
“He’s grounded,” Kirsten replied.  
  
“But…Summer’s in with him.”  
  
“When she comes out, you can go in. One friend at a time,” she said, squeezing his shoulder before leaving.  
  
“You didn’t tell me why Ryan gets off a week of school, Mom?” Seth called, following her until she closed the door in his face with a mumbled apology.  
  
Seth considered his options.  
  
He wanted to make sure Ryan was okay. He had to actually talk to him to make that happen.  
  
He gathered his confidence and tried to think of his best apology and knocked on Ryan’s door.  
  
There wasn’t an immediate response so he knocked again.  
  
Summer opened the door, covering her mouth from a yawn. “Cohen? Ryan’s asleep, what do you want?”  
  
“I need to talk to him,” Seth replied.  
  
“He just dozed off, Seth, can’t it wait? I don’t think he’s been sleeping well,” Summer said quietly.  
  
“No, it can’t wait, I’m sorry, I need to talk to him,” Seth insisted.  
  
Summer glared at him. “Fine. Tell him I’ll call him later.”  
  
Seth waved her off and walked over, sitting down beside the bed before clearing his throat loudly.  
  
Ryan didn’t stir.  
  
“Ryan, man, come on, you can’t be that tired, dude, wake up and talk to me,” Seth sighed, his confidence and apologies wavering.  
  
“Seth Cohen, you get out of there right this minute,” his mom hissed, walking up to the door.  
  
“But…”  
  
Kirsten pulled him out of the room and closed it behind them. “Ryan was sent home from school because he hasn’t been getting enough rest and he’s sleep deprived – and here I thought you were going to try and make things better and you’re just making them worse. He needs to rest.”  
  
Seth was stunned. “You didn’t tell me…”  
  
“Because it’s none of your business, Ryan’s health is up to your father and me, not you and if you’d been paying closer attention to his health instead of trying to get him into trouble, you might have been able to see that,” Kirsten snapped.  
  
Seth obviously had made a big mistake telling his parents about Ryan’s drinking. They didn’t seem to think it was a big deal and everywhere he turned, it seemed somebody different was telling him that he was a shitty friend. Even his parents thought he was a traitor.  
  
He walked away before she could yell at him any more, going to his room.  
  
He’d just sit down with Captain Oats and see if he could figure out how to fix this mess. Marissa could help him figure it out later.  
  


* * *

  
“I yelled at Seth,” Kirsten confessed when Sandy got home. “He hasn’t been out of his room since and he won’t open the door when I try to talk to him.”  
  
“You yelled at Seth? Why?” Sandy questioned. Kirsten spoiled Seth every chance she got and it was very unusual for her to raise her voice at him.  
  
“I told him not to bother Ryan and he still went into his room, sent Summer away and was trying to wake him. He was asleep, Sandy, on his own, and Seth was going to wake him,” Kirsten sighed. “I told him that he should’ve been more concerned with Ryan’s health than with getting him into trouble.”  
  
“Oh, honey…weren’t you the one telling me the other night that Seth wasn’t trying to get Ryan in trouble, that he was just worried?” Sandy questioned.  
  
“Yes. And he said as much today, he admitted that he was just worried about Ryan getting taken by social services…he didn’t mean any harm and I just…lost it on him. I’m so frustrated, Sandy. Ryan was doing so well here, he was fitting in and stable and now he’s getting into trouble, drinking, slacking off in his classes…” Kirsten sighed.  
  
“Honey, where is this coming from?” Sandy asked.  
  
“I’m worried, Sandy. Really worried. What if Ryan can’t make it past this? What is it going to do to Seth, to us?” Kirsten whispered.  
  
“Kirsten,” he sighed, embracing her. “He hasn’t gotten into trouble, he got drunk one night and he’s doing great in all his classes. He’s done everything we’ve asked him to do. I can’t think of anything else he could do to prove that he wants this to work…”  
  
“I know, God, Sandy, I know. But I just feel like…what if it’s not enough?” Kirsten whispered.  
  
“It is. Ryan’s got a family that loves him now and that’s enough, Kirsten,” Sandy said, “It’s always been enough for us.”  
  
“I’m overreacting. I’m sorry. You know how I hate conflict,” Kirsten sighed. “I’ll talk to Seth.”  
  
“And I’ll go check on Ryan. We’ll meet back here in half an hour and discuss what we’re ordering for dinner, all right?” Sandy asked, kissing her forehead.  
  
“Yes, sir,” she smiled, leaving the kitchen.  
  
When Sandy stepped into Ryan’s room, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. “What’s wrong, kid?”  
  
“Nothing. I’m…I’m sorry for upsetting Kirsten, and for being so much trouble,” he added after a beat.  
  
Sandy felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as he realized that Ryan had overheard the conversation.  
  
“Oh, kid, that’s not what she was upset about…”  
  
“I’ll…I’ll do better,” Ryan said. “I’m sorry, I’ll…I’m over it. You don’t have to call the doctor and you don’t have to let me stay out of school – I don’t need any more help…”  
  
“Slow down…”  
  
“Really. I’m fine,” Ryan said, his eyes dull but serious. “I was just acting out, there’s nothing wrong with me, I just wanted attention or something and I’m sorry – I’ll apologize to Seth and everything can go back to normal…”  
  
“Ryan, stop,” Sandy said. He wondered if Ryan knew how ludicrous it sounded to him that Ryan had been ‘causing trouble for attention’. The kid hated attention. “You are taking everything the wrong way…”  
  
“So…you are sending me away?” Ryan asked after a beat.  
  
“No, Ryan, that’s not an option. We’re not just going to give up on you when things get bumpy. This is all new to us, too. I want you to come to us when you’re having trouble…” Sandy started. He thought they’d been through this, that Ryan knew his place was safe here.  
  
“No more trouble, I swear,” Ryan whispered. “I’ll sleep and I’ll go to school and I won’t take naps in Dr. Adam’s office…I swear, Sandy.”  
  
Sandy sighed and watched Ryan walk out of the bedroom. This was turning into more than he’d expected. Ryan had shut down on him and he could tell that nothing he said was going to change his mind.  
  


* * *

  
Summer answered the phone on the first ring. “Hello?”  
  
“Hey. How’re you doing?” Ryan asked.  
  
She smiled but tried to keep it out of her voice. “Better today. You?”  
  
“Fine. I just…wanted to talk to you.”  
  
“What’s wrong?” she asked, sensing something in his voice. They’d never called each other ‘just to talk’. She wondered if this was more of his ‘friend’ thing. “Everything okay?”  
  
“I have to start doing better. I keep messing up and I…I don’t want to leave Newport. I don’t want them to kick me out…”  
  
Summer frowned. “Ryan, the Cohens love you, they won’t kick you out…did they say they were going to kick you out?”  
  
“Kirsten was talking to Sandy, saying how much trouble I’m causing and how she’s stressed out…” Ryan said slowly. “I…I don’t know what else I need to do. If the teachers hadn’t called Sandy today, maybe she wouldn’t have gotten upset…”  
  
“Ryan, are you sure you’re not overreacting? I mean…the Cohens, they asked you to stay with them, they knew it wasn’t going to be like adopting a kitten or something, they knew what they were getting into,” Summer said, unfamiliar with this insecure Ryan. She wanted to be there with him so she could make him stop sounding like this.  
  
“I just have to do better, Summer. Not get sick, not have my teachers calling them and stuff. Not go out with my friends without Seth…I just have to do something different.”  
  
Summer sat down. “If this is what you think you have to do…”  
  
“I don’t know what to do. I just…needed to talk about it…make sure I’m making sense. I’m sorry for calling…”  
  
“Ryan. We’re friends, you can call me any time. Do you want me to come over?” Summer asked.  
  
“No, that would just make things worse. I’m going to go to my room and sleep and then tomorrow I’m going to get up and go to school.”  
  
“I thought you had the rest of the week off.”  
  
“I’m not taking it. They’ll think I’m slacking off, laying out of school for a whole week. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ryan sighed, hanging up before she could process.  
  
She hated that the Cohens were making Ryan feel more pressure than he already was.  
  
She changed and decided to go over to the Cohens’ anyway. Marissa was busy ‘hanging out’ with Seth and she wasn’t in the mood for hanging out with Holly and Luke. She wanted to make sure Ryan was all right. That’s what ‘friends’ did.  
  
She started to retreat back to her room when she saw Senator Stevens and her father in the den. But she didn’t. She was done with that. She straightened her shoulders and started to walk past them.  
  
“Summer, nice to see you. How are you handling things?” Senator Stevens asked, smiling kindly.  
  
“What things?” her father asked immediately.  
  
“The shooting, Neil, of course. Zach’s going to be starting back to school at the end of this week, but he’s still having nightmares,” the senator tsked. “Such a tragedy, what happened.”  
  
Her father was visibly confused but Summer didn’t care. He was just putting on a show for the senator. “Yes, sir. It was very sad. I’m glad Zach’s coming back to school. Even though we’re not dating anymore, I still miss seeing him around,” she said.  
  
“I know he feels the same way, Summer. Take care of yourself, and if you don’t mind me asking, how is Ryan?”  
  
Summer smiled, wondering if her father was going to spontaneously combust. “He’s doing much better, I’ll let him know you asked.”  
  
“Caleb’s been stonewalling me since it happened, like he’s scared I’m going to say something to upset him,” the Senator said to Neil. “I just want to thank him in person for saving my son’s life.”  
  
“I’m sorry, but I seem to be missing something important,” Neil said.  
  
“You didn’t tell your father what happened?” Mr. Stevens asked, surprised.  
  
“The police called him, so did Zach and Mr. Cooper,” she replied with a false smile. “It’s okay. I’m sure Daddy had something more important to be doing that day. He’s just waiting for me to turn eighteen so I don’t have to live with him anymore, he was probably disappointed that I wasn’t the kid that ate a bullet.”  
  
Mr. Stevens gasped and her father looked even more shocked.  
  
“Tell Zach to give me a call, if he wants to talk,” she added, keeping her chin up all the way to the car.  
  


* * *

  
“Well, that was easy,” Seth told Marissa when he settled on her bed.  
  
“What?” she asked, confused.  
  
“Ryan apologized to me, said that he blew the whole thing out of proportion and that he was sorry for being a prick,” Seth said.  
  
Marissa took a deep breath. “And you believed him?”  
  
Seth looked at her, confused. “Why wouldn’t I?”  
  
“I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I just got off the phone with Summer and she said Ryan’s really freaked out, he thinks he’s fucked things up with your parents and they’re thinking of kicking him out,” Marissa whispered, sitting down and taking his hand to try and keep him from freaking out.  
  
“That’s crazy, Mom was mad at me, she’s worried about Ryan and was trying to protect him…” Seth said, confused.  
  
“But she was upset. The last time his mom got upset, she left him. He’s got to be a little insecure, Seth.”  
  
Seth sighed. “I’ll talk to him.”  
  
“Maybe you should just leave him alone, Seth. I’m worried about him, too, but you…you’ve probably done enough already,” she said quietly.  
  
“I have to do something. This is all my fault. He thinks I ratted him out to my parents to get him in trouble – hell, even my mom thinks that,” Seth admitted.  
  
She felt guilty for making him feel bad. “Seth, we all went through something awful. And you didn’t say anything about your suspicions to me, you kept quiet and someone died. Sometimes it’s good to talk about your concerns, but sometimes…it’s better to keep them to yourself.”  
  
“Are you saying it’s my fault Oliver’s dead because I didn’t tell you I didn’t like him? God, Marissa, I was trying not to hurt you,” Seth said, pale.  
  
“That’s not what I meant,” Marissa protested.  
  
“I tried to stop him – I didn’t know he was going to kill himself,” Seth whispered.  
  
“I know, Seth, that’s not what I meant – what I meant is that you’re just trying to do the right thing, you’re trying to look out for Ryan, but maybe you should talk to Ryan instead of talking to your parents first…”  
  
“So, if I’d told you when you called me from rehab that I thought Oliver was a freak, you’d have believed me?” Seth asked.  
  
She hesitated. She’d really thought Oliver was her friend. “I don’t know. But I might have figured it out sooner rather than later.”  
  
“No, you would’ve hated me and thought I was jealous, you wouldn’t have listened. And when I tried to ask Ryan why he was drinking, he didn’t listen,” Seth replied.  
  
“Okay, so we’re not talking about this anymore because you’re getting mad,” Marissa said, wanting to drop the subject.  
  
“I’m not, I’m just…” Seth sighed, laying back on her bed and scrubbing his palms over his eyes. “I’m so confused.”  
  
“Well, there’s nothing to be confused about right now,” she said. “You and me. Alone. Nothing confusing about that.”  
  
It took a few minutes but he finally started kissing her back and she pushed all thoughts of Oliver out of her mind.  
  


* * *

  
Kirsten had noticed how quiet Ryan was at dinner but she hadn’t had a chance to ask Sandy what was going on. Sandy had been watching him the whole time out of the corner of his eye and only Seth’s upbeat chatter had lightened the tension, but Ryan had barely reacted.  
  
She was surprised to find Ryan lying on his bed with all the lights off when she finished putting the takeout away.  
  
“Honey? Are you all right?”  
  
“Fine,” he murmured.  
  
She walked over and sat down, laying her hand across his forehead and hiding her frown when he flinched. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing. I’m fine. You don’t have to worry.”  
  
“Worrying’s what I do best,” Kirsten replied. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
She wondered why he was lying to her all of sudden. It was like something had shifted. This didn’t seem like ‘brooding over Summer’ or ‘brooding over Taylor’. This was different.  
  
“I’ll go to school tomorrow. Make sure the teachers don’t ask you or Sandy to leave work again, or bother you. And I won’t hang out with Luke…” he whispered. “No more trouble.”  
  
“Is that what this is about? Oh, honey, you’re sixteen, trouble comes with the territory,” she said, softening her tone. “And you’re not going to school until you get at least 8 hours of sleep in a row.” He still wouldn’t look at her and suddenly she realized why he was upset. “Did you hear me talking to Sandy earlier?”  
  
He didn’t answer and that was enough for her. “I’m not upset because you’re getting into trouble, or because you’re upset about Oliver. I’m upset because I don’t know how to help you. You’re a member of this family now and we don’t just give up on family, no matter what. You have met my sister, Hailey, haven’t you?” She waited until he nodded. “Hailey always waits until she’s up to her ears in trouble before asking for help. And Seth, well, he wants to call the CDC on his first sneeze. You’re still new to me and I have to figure out when you need help.”  
  
“I don’t need help.”  
  
She tilted his chin up so she could see his eyes. “Are you just saying that because you think I’m going to make you leave?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Then tell me why I should believe you,” she probed gently.  
  
“I…might still…have nightmares. And…sometimes I hear a noise and it makes me see it…and I can’t sleep. But I’m okay. My homework’s fine and I didn’t mean to fall asleep in Dr. Adams’ office today.” He hesitated. “And I just wanted to have fun the other night, I didn’t drive and I didn’t do anything stupid – I just…wanted a night off…to be normal for a little while…”  
  
“You’ve earned a night off. But you’re still grounded. Drinking before you’re 21 is a negative here, it’s a law and we all have to stick to the law as close as we can,” Kirsten said. “But we’re not just letting you go because you made a mistake, I expect you’ll make a lot more before you turn 21 – a mistake doesn’t mean we’re going to send you away.” She looked at him, intently. “I need you to understand that nothing you do will make us leave you.”  
  
He let out a strained breath.  
  
“Okay?” she asked.  
  
He nodded, lowering his gaze again.  
  
“Okay. So, I’m going to ask you again, are you all right?”  
  
“Yes, Kirsten. I’m okay,” he replied, smiling finally, albeit shyly.  
  
“Okay. It’s barely eight, you don’t have to stay in here in the dark, Sandy and I were going to watch TV and we might be convinced to let you watch with us.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“Kirsten, Summer wants to know if you’re letting Ryan have visitors,” Sandy smiled from the doorway.  
  
Kirsten didn’t miss the way Ryan’s eyes had lit up with surprise and curiosity. “Door open at all times,” she said, standing up and joining Sandy by the door. “Horizontal is not part of the open door policy,” she added.  
  
“Everything okay?” Sandy asked, missing the teasing in her voice.  
  
“Yeah,” Ryan replied. “Thanks.”  
  


* * *

  
“So, I, sort of, overreacted. The Cohens…are weird. They’re not like any people I’ve ever known,” Ryan told Summer after she’d picked the story out of him with well-placed kisses on his neck and cheek, avoiding his lips. They were sitting on his bed propped up on pillows so they weren’t ‘horizontal’.  
  
“I get that,” she said.  
  
Ryan wasn’t sure what was going on between him and Summer. He felt like an asshole for fucking her on the day he broke up with Taylor. It seemed unfair to her and even to Taylor.  
  
But Summer didn’t seem to mind. And that bothered him a little.  
  
“It didn’t take long, did it?”  
  
Ryan stared at Taylor who was standing at the end of the bed.  
  
“Here I was all stressed out that I’d hurt your feelings, and god, I even thought you cared about me but here you are, right where I should have expected you to be, all curled up with Summer,” Taylor hissed.  
  
“Where the hell do you get off being mad at him, you’re the one who cheated on him!” Summer replied, startling him.  
  
“Guys,” he said, sensing the tension rising. Catfight. Shit.  
  
“Anna told me how you went running off as soon as she told you, you probably jumped him in the parking lot, that’s why he missed his classes, he was probably fucking your skank ass in the backseat of your daddy’s car,” Taylor snapped.  
  
“Fuck you,” Summer gasped. “Ryan’s my friend and that’s more than I can say for you – you broke his heart…”  
  
“Yeah, well, at least he didn’t love me when I did it,” Taylor replied.  
  
“Stop it,” he said. Both of them turned to him in surprise at his harsh voice.  
  
Sandy appeared, his face red. “Ladies. Everything okay?”  
  
“Close the door,” Ryan replied and Sandy didn’t question him, closing it and sealing them inside. “I think I have a right to say something before you start pulling hair.” He looked at Taylor. “I did care about you, Taylor, I cared enough about you not to fuck anybody else when I was dating you. I didn’t fuck your friends. As soon as you slept with Anna, you ended our relationship, whatever kind of relationship it was, it ended then.”  
  
Taylor didn’t say anything.  
  
He turned to Summer. “And I don’t need you fighting my battles for me. You don’t know how I felt about Taylor and you shouldn’t speak my words for me.”  
  
Summer looked like she might cry, but it didn’t stop her from glaring at Taylor.  
  
“Now. What did you come here to say, Taylor?” Ryan asked, leaning back against the pillows again and waiting for Summer to relax and lean back instead of looking like she was about to pounce.  
  
“I came to see if you were okay. And to say I’m sorry, again. To see if you could ever forgive me…” Taylor said.  
  
Summer scoffed.  
  
“I need time, Taylor. You were a friend of mine once, and maybe you can be that again someday,” Ryan said. “But I need time to figure stuff out.”  
  
Taylor nodded, but there was a glint in her eye that Ryan didn’t like. “I guess I’ll take that. Besides, I can’t be too mad at Summer. You did jump into bed with me the same night you broke up with her, so it’s just karma, right?”  
  
Summer gasped and turned to look at him.  
  
Fuck.  
  
He should’ve let them fight.  
  


* * *


	28. Chapter 28

  
  
Kirsten cleared her throat and stepped into Ryan’s room.  
  
The air was thick with tension between Taylor and Summer and her motherly instincts kicked in immediately, sensing that it wasn’t going to do Ryan any good to have ‘lady drama’ right now.  
  
“Girls, I think it’s time for you both to go,” she said.  
  
“No, wait,” Ryan said, reaching out but failing to catch Summer’s arm before she stood up.  
  
“Sorry, Mrs. Cohen,” Taylor said, hurrying from the room.  
  
Kirsten glanced at Ryan who was locked in a stare with Summer’s glistening eyes.  
  
“Get some rest. I’ll…I’ll talk to you soon,” she said, slowly walking away from the bed and into the hallway, as if dazed.  
  
“Dammit,” Ryan hissed once she was gone.  
  
“No more guests for a while, okay?” she said softly.  
  
“All right. But…can I just say that it’s a really bad time for me to be without phone privileges?” Ryan replied.  
  
“Noted,” she nodded. But she wasn’t sure she was going to give them back any time soon considering the raised voices they’d overheard from the den. “Sandy has some ideas about your teachers’ offer today, if you feel like socializing within the family for a little while.”  
  
He followed her from the room into the den where Sandy and Seth were dueling with pieces of beef jerky.  
  
“Any bloodshed?” Sandy asked, raising an eyebrow at him.  
  
“No. But I can’t promise they’re not throwing down in the driveway right now,” Ryan muttered.  
  
Kirsten started to go check but Seth got up first.  
  
“I talked to Dr. Adams tonight. I want to run something past you,” Sandy said.  
  
“All right,” Ryan replied warily.  
  
Kirsten smiled. “It’s not punishment. At least, not for you, for me, maybe.”  
  
“Kirsten,” Sandy scolded.  
  
“The docs want to take you to MIT, on the east coast and Dad says we can all go and visit the Nana, his mom,” Seth said.  
  
“The Nana? The one who calls and yells at you on Thursday nights?” Ryan asked, smirking at Sandy’s surprise.  
  
“She doesn’t yell,” Sandy protested. “She just has a very…authoritative tone sometimes.”  
  
“Sorry. So…you want me to meet your mother?” Ryan asked, hesitant.  
  
”She’s a little scary at first, but I’m sure she’ll love you,” Kirsten said.  
  
“You’re sure? Then why is this trip a punishment for you?” Ryan asked.  
  
She flushed slightly. “Well, the Nana doesn’t like me much, but it’s not going to affect her opinion of you. She’s been eager to meet you since Sandy told her about you. And this way you won’t have to travel on a plane alone for the first time.”  
  
“And I get time off of school,” Seth added.  
  
“I’m not going to get out of this am I?” Ryan sighed.  
  
“We think you might need a vacation,” Sandy said quietly.  
  
Ryan nodded slowly. “But is it really going to be a vacation, or is it just going to be a different kind of stress?”  
  
“No stress. I’m coming, too, dude, there will be no stress,” Seth promised.  
  
“Okay. It’ll get the teachers off my back. And considering the way my afternoon went, I might need to get out of town for a few days. When?” Ryan asked.  
  
“This weekend, if you’re up for it. I know it’s soon…but I think we all could use a vacation,” Kirsten said. “We’ll stay a few days, you and I will go to MIT and meet your teachers and then go back to New York to rejoin the family.” Ryan nodded but didn’t look up.  
  
“I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm,” Sandy said.  
  
“Hooray?” Ryan deadpanned, earning a snort from Seth.  
  
“I’ll have him psyched up by Friday, ‘Scout’s honor’,” Seth nodded.  
  
“You aren’t a boy scout,” Ryan smirked. “No, I’ve just got a lot on my mind. It’s cool. I guess I’ll have to meet the Nana eventually and you’re right about needing a vacation. It’s a cool idea. But I still don’t want to fly.”  
  
“Don’t worry, dude. We’ll beat this phobia,” Seth said, visibly excited now.  
  
“Tomorrow,” Ryan said. “I’m going to go in my room and brood about my lack of phone privileges.”  
  
Kirsten patted him on the back. “Brood away, we’ll take your case into appeals at breakfast.”  
  
Ryan nodded and slowly got to his feet, starting toward his room.  
  
Seth seemed to deflate once he was gone. “Did that go better than you expected? ‘Cause I’m leaning toward worse.”  
  
“I think maybe we should have waited until tomorrow to bring it up, not after a visit from two ex-girlfriends,” Sandy said.  
  
“We needed to know so we could start making plans, Sandy,” Kirsten reminded. “I have faith in Seth bringing him around, merit badges or not.”  
  
“Thanks, Mom. I’m on the job,” Seth said, leaving to go to his room.  
  
“I didn’t know Ryan knew about Ma’s calls,” Sandy said as she nestled in close to him.  
  
“He’s always been overly observant. And she calls every Thursday like clockwork. And she does yell,” Kirsten said.  
  
“She still hasn’t completely come around on the subject of Ryan. But I really think she won’t until she meets him in person,” Sandy said.  
  
“It’ll go fine, Sandy. She’s always been good with Seth and she’ll be great with Ryan, too. This is a good idea. And hopefully us flying out to visit will earn us some points in the ‘prodigal family’ department, you know?” Kirsten said.  
  
“You were totally against this idea twenty minutes ago,” Sandy smiled.  
  
“We work as a team. You convinced me that this was a good idea. Your mother needs to meet Ryan.”  
  
“I’ll call her in the morning to confirm our plans,” he said, leaning over to kiss her.  
  
She hoped they weren’t making a mistake.  
  


* * *

  
“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” Sandy said for the 3rd time. Every time he said it, Ryan became a little bit more nervous.  
  
The lady that opened the door was younger than he expected, but she embraced Sandy with warmth that only came from a mother. She hugged Seth just as firmly.  
  
Kirsten gave Ryan a kind look and rubbed his back as the woman greeted them with a nod and muffled huff as she shook his offered hand.  
  
“You must be the stray Sandy brought home. You look old enough to be on your own, is there any reason you can’t get a job and stop taking advantage of Sandy and Kirsten’s hospitality?”  
  
Ryan didn’t respond, feeling Kirsten’s hand on his back again.  
  
“Because he’s a part of our family, Nana, if I don’t have to work at 16, Ryan doesn’t have to either,” Seth said, the surprise clear on his face.  
  
“Hm,” Sophie said.  
  
“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Ryan replied after a moment.  
  
“Ma, can I talk to you?” Sandy said, pulling her inside with a frown.  
  
“She’s not usually that scary,” Seth muttered. “I mean, we’re not even inside yet.”  
  
“Do I really have to do this?” Ryan asked quietly, turning to Kirsten. He was shaky from the flight and tired and sore and he was dreading the flight to Massachusetts to meet the teachers the next day.  
  
“She’s family, Ryan, just like you,” Kirsten replied.  
  
“She’ll accept you, Ryan, I promise,” Seth said, going in.  
  
“She hates me, too, if that makes you feel any better,” Kirsten said.  
  
“It really doesn’t,” Ryan said, adjusting the sling.  
  
Kirsten studied him. “It’s not exactly the welcome you were expecting.”  
  
“Caleb’s really nice, I should have known my luck wasn’t going to last for long. You think we should wait until she invites us in?” Ryan replied, steeling himself.  
  
“What are you waiting for?” Sophie asked, appearing at the door. “Come in.”  
  
Ryan let Kirsten follow him inside. He wished he could let her words just roll off him, but she was such an important part of Sandy’s life that he’d really wanted to make a good impression.  
  
“You put him on your insurance, too? Guess Kirsten couldn’t have him filing for Medicaid. You didn’t teach him the code to your security system did you?” Sophie asked.  
  
Ryan ignored Seth’s startled look, keeping his eyes down. He didn’t sit down when Kirsten settled onto the couch, instead moving to stand beside the end.  
  
“Sit down, Ryan,” Sandy said.  
  
“I’m fine standing.” Ryan replied. He was waiting for Sophie to put down plastic or newspaper for him to sit down on.  
  
“I see he takes orders well, too,” Sophie snorted.  
  
“Sophie, thanks very much for the invitation for us to stay in your home, but we were under the impression that you were going to be welcoming our whole family, that’s my mistake for misunderstanding. Sandy, Seth, why don’t you call us tonight and we’ll let you know where we’ll be staying until we catch our flight tomorrow,” Kirsten said, standing up and putting her hand on Ryan’s back.  
  
“Mom,” Seth protested.  
  
“Spend some time with your grandmother, Seth,” Kirsten said, pushing Ryan toward the door.  
  
“I didn’t ask her to leave,” Sophie muttered, exasperated.  
  
“I’m sorry, he has a big day tomorrow and I won’t make him sit here and listen to her. Call me when you have a chance, but I’m going to show Ryan around New York so maybe he’ll have at least one good memory of being here,” Kirsten said, not stopping when Sandy approached.  
  
“Thanks,” Ryan said once Kirsten had led him outside.  
  
“I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have gone in. How would you feel about getting some lunch with me instead?” Kirsten smiled at him.  
  
“That would be great,” Ryan replied.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy was angry but he had to control himself as he turned to face his mother. Seth was frowning but was clearly watching him for guidance. “Well, I see that I made a mistake.”  
  
“Dad?” Seth called.  
  
“I shouldn’t have brought Ryan here to visit, I should have let you make the first move to welcome him into your family. I should have known after you did such a great job welcoming Kirsten into the family that you would do the same to Ryan,” Sandy replied.  
  
“I was expecting a nice visit from my son and his family today, not an ambush,” his mom replied coldly.  
  
“Ryan is a member of the family. He has been for months now,” Seth said.  
  
“If he were a member of the family, he wouldn’t have run off scared,” Sophie replied.  
  
“Yeah, well, since we spent the whole plane ride convincing him that you weren’t going to treat him like a criminal and you smacked us down in a matter of minutes, I don’t blame him for running,” Seth replied.  
  
Sophie seemed surprised.  
  
“We promised him a vacation, a break from school and doctors and people that judge him because of where he grew up instead of what kind of person he is. So thanks for your help with that Nana,” Seth said. “I’m going to put my things away, Dad. Come get me when you find out where Mom and Ryan are staying.”  
  
“He learn to talk like that from Ryan?” Sophie asked, watching Seth walk away.  
  
“I’m sorry that you feel this way, Ma. But I think that this will have to be our last family visit for a while,” Sandy said, standing up. “Seth, don’t unpack,” he called before turning back to his mom. “I’d ask what was wrong with you, but I already know. You’re upset we didn’t come to you first, to get your permission, let you look at his record and make the decision for us,” he started. “But since you’ve been to visit us a total of zero times since we made our home in Newport, I’m sorry that I didn’t take into account your position.”  
  
“Sandy, that’s not what this is about…”  
  
“Ryan’s a 16 year old kid and you think he’s going to rob us blind, is that it? I think we’re a little past all that. He’s my son, Ma. I love him, Seth loves him, Kirsten loves him. I’m sorry that I thought you’d love him, too. I’m sorry that I thought you’d want to be a part of his life, that you’d want to share in the joy that he’s brought to our lives. And I’m even sorrier for convincing him to come here. I wish he’d never met you, Ma, because now he’s going to always remember how you feel about him,” Sandy replied. “He’ll think all those nice things me and Seth and Kirsten told him about you were lies. So thank you for that.”  
  
“So, this means we get to go to MIT with Ryan doesn’t it?” Seth asked, standing by the door with his bags.  
  
“MIT?” Sophie asked.  
  
“Ryan’s teachers want to show him around. I was thinking of applying to NYU if he decided to go there so I could hang out with you and visit him on the weekends, but don’t worry, I’ll make sure we decide to apply to colleges on the West Coast so he won’t be too close to you,” Seth snapped.  
  
“Wait, you boys don’t have to go, Sandy…”  
  
Sandy closed the door and took a deep breath.  
  
“Is this the right thing, Dad?” Seth asked quietly. “I know you always feel bad when you fight with the Nana.”  
  
“Not this time. I feel bad for thinking this was going to go smoothly,” Sandy replied. “Let’s see how well you can hail a cab, son.”  
  


* * *

  
Kirsten stepped out of the hotel room and was surprised to find Sandy and Seth waiting in the hall. “Oh, hi.”  
  
“Room for two more?” Seth asked.  
  
Kirsten held out the key card to the neighboring room. “Ryan’s asleep, don’t bother him, Seth, I mean it.”  
  
“I won’t, I need a nap, too,” Seth replied, disappearing.  
  
“You okay?” she asked Sandy.  
  
“Not really.”  
  
“I’m sorry, Sandy,” she sighed, embracing him. “I wonder if she just doesn’t like blonds.”  
  
Sandy snorted. “I don’t know. But as our first family vacation with Ryan, this kind of bites.”  
  
“He tried to get out of going down tomorrow, to MIT. Dr. Adams talked to him a while, promised that it wouldn’t be painful. I gave him a painkiller so he’d sleep some,” Kirsten said.  
  
“Probably a good idea,” Sandy conceded. “I’m really sorry.”  
  
“I’ll plan the next vacation, how about that? No guilt. You couldn’t have known how she was going to react,” Kirsten replied.  
  
“I’ve let her get away with treating you that way for this long, it’s my fault she thought she could do the same thing to Ryan. I have to take a stand,” Sandy said.  
  
“Then I’m proud of you. But not at the cost of your relationship with your mother. Ryan and I are going to Massachusetts tomorrow. I still think you and Seth should spend some time with Sophie while you’re here,” Kirsten said.  
  
“I think we’re past that now. But we’ll stay out of your way while you’re charming the nerds there,” Sandy teased.  
  
“Thanks,” she replied, rolling her eyes.  
  
“You’re welcome.”  
  
“Ryan and I were planning on going to Times Square tonight, see some sights. Want to enjoy some alone time while the boys are sleeping?” she asked.  
  
“Definitely. I need some cheering up.”  
  


* * *

  
Seth woke up slightly when Ryan said goodbye the next morning and left with his mom. He didn’t get up fully until he heard the knock on his door.  
  
“Sethela. I was wondering if I could talk to your brother for a moment,” the Nana greeted him at the door.  
  
“He’s already gone. You’ll have to do your insulting long distance from now on,” Seth replied.  
  
“Honey, I’m sorry. I had no idea how important Ryan was…”  
  
“I’m sorry, too, Nana,” he interrupted. “Like Mom and Dad would take a kid into their home without it being important. Look, Dad and I are sticking around here for the rest of the week because Ryan doesn’t want to interrupt our family vacation, even though it’s not a family vacation without him and Mom, but still. Maybe you should talk to Dad and see when he wants to visit with you.”  
  
“I thought Ryan and Kirsten were coming back here after visiting the college,” the Nana replied.  
  
“That was the plan. But considering the circumstances, Mom’s taking Ryan home from Massachusetts.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I love you, Nana and I’ve always just taken your dislike for Mom as simple jealousy for her marrying your youngest son and taking him to the West Coast and away from you. But after yesterday and the way you treated Ryan, I can see why Dad became a lawyer specializing in juveniles considering that you’re such an open-minded social worker.”  
  
“Seth. That’s enough,” Sandy said, stopping him.  
  
“Sethela…” the Nana whispered, affected.  
  
“I’m just telling the truth,” Seth replied to his Dad. “Judging by the way she treated Ryan, I wonder how many kids she left in bad homes just because she believed what their crappy parents said about them.”  
  
“I came to apologize,” the Nana said, turning to Sandy.  
  
“Seth and I are here to spend time with you. I’m sure you have plans already made for us, so give him a chance to get dressed and we’ll join you,” he said.  
  
Seth closed the door and showered and changed before going to his Dad’s room and knocking on the door.  
  
“Okay, Dad, I’m ready,” Seth said.  
  
“I’m sorry, Seth. I don’t want you to be mad at me. I never get to see you and I want you to have fun while you’re here,” the Nana said, meeting him at the door.  
  
He plastered a fake smile on his face. “I’m not mad, Nana, I just understand a lot more now what it means to be a Cohen.”  
  
“And what’s that?” she asked after a beat.  
  
“That family comes first, as long as it’s biological,” he added under his breath.  
  
\----------------  
  
“Here he is, my star pupil,” Dr. Adams grinned, standing up as Kirsten and Ryan made their way into the building.  
  
“Oh God,” Ryan muttered under his breath, glancing at Kirsten as she greeted him.  
  
“Thank you for giving this a shot,” Dr. Adams said quietly to Ryan.  
  
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen Dr. Adams so excited about a student. And the fact that Jenkins came out, too, well, you’ve already impressed me and I haven’t even met you yet,” the man said, pushing his wheelchair closer and offering his hand to Ryan. “I’m Dr. Thurston,” he introduced.  
  
Ryan shook his hand, searching his brain for the reason that name was familiar. “You wrote one of my textbooks, didn’t you?”  
  
“You’re teaching him from my book? Impressive,” Dr. Thurston grinned at Dr. Adams. “Since I’m under strict instruction not to recruit you, I’ll have to settle for picking your brain a little before Jenkins comes and whisks you away, come along,” he said. Ryan glanced at Kirsten who nodded her permission.  
  
“I wonder if he has any idea exactly how special he is,” Dr. Adams asked her.  
  
“I don’t know. But we do, and that’s more than anyone could say a year ago,” Kirsten replied. “You know what he told me when he first met you in Dr. Kim’s office? He said he’d ‘never been smart before’. But it surprised me, too. He’s a good actor.”  
  
“I just can’t believe that he went this long without anyone recognizing his potential,” Dr. Adams said.  
  
Mr. Jenkins appeared with a pretty lady in a business suit. “Did you scare him off already?”  
  
“He’s with Thurston,” Dr. Adams replied.  
  
“Kirsten, this is Dr. Phillips, she’s a professor here and she wants to see what Ryan can do,” Mr. Jenkins introduced.  
  
“I don’t think Ryan’s even seriously considered college, I’d hate for you all to get your hopes up,” Kirsten said. “We fully intend to convince him, but I’m not sure what you’re expecting from him at this point.”  
  
“If Ryan can do what these men say he can do, you won’t have to worry about convincing Ryan, you’ll have recruiters sniffing at your door,” Dr. Phillips smiled. “Let’s check on him, shall we?”  
  


* * *

  
Summer glanced at her cell phone, annoyed that it was interrupting the Valley marathon she was having with Marissa and Holly.  
  
Then she saw Ryan’s name pop up on the screen and all her annoyance faded.  
  
He’d missed school at the end of the previous week and Seth had told Marissa that his parents were taking them on an impromptu vacation to visit family on the East Coast.  
  
She wasn’t sure what to think about their ‘friendship’. She didn’t know what their status was exactly.  
  
She stood up and walked outside of her bedroom, raising the phone to her ear.  
  
“Hey,” came his gruff greeting. She smiled despite herself. She wondered if he knew how sexy his voice was.  
  
“Hey. How’s the east coast?”  
  
“Weird. It…it kind of sucked for a while, and then it got better…but I really hate flying. Like, a lot.”  
  
She laughed. “Poor thing.”  
  
He sighed. “Me and Kirsten are coming home tomorrow.”  
  
“I thought you guys were staying a week, what are you doing out there?”  
  
“It’s a long story. Dr. Adams and Mr. Jenkins wanted to take me to MIT, and I wouldn’t go because of the whole flying thing, so the Cohens made it into a vacation so I had to go. We were supposed to visit Sandy’s mom, but she didn’t really like me…so Kirsten came with me to MIT and we spent all day talking math and walking around.” He paused and she listened to him breathe for a long moment, closing her eyes and sitting down so she could lean her head against the wall. His next words were a whisper. “Do you hate me?”  
  
“No. I miss you,” she replied.  
  
“I miss you, too. Sandy said I need to take a break from girls until I start sleeping better. But I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about you. What happened with Taylor…”  
  
“Stop, it doesn’t matter. We weren’t together…” she said, even though she didn’t mean it.  
  
“It does matter. I need to explain this to you. I was in love with you…and you dumped me. I went out to get wasted, I needed to forget about you and she was there…I didn’t care about her, I was just using her for one night…”  
  
Her heart was pounding in her chest. “Were you using me too?”  
  
“You and I, we have a history…as much as I needed a few minutes of mindless sex, I needed a friend more and you were there for me.”  
  
She took a deep breath. “I’ll always be here for you. As much as you’ll let me be, as much as you let anyone be.”  
  
“Maybe…when I get back tomorrow I can call you?”  
  
“Or, I could come over. Sandy’s not there, maybe Kirsten will let you see me?”  
  
“I’ll call first.”  
  
She smiled again. It was a start. If he could forgive her for leaving him for Zach, she could forgive him for screwing Taylor the night she broke up with him. “So, MIT?”  
  
“It was weird. Like, I never thought I’d fit in at Harbor, but I know I’d never fit in here. But they’re doing some cool stuff, and it was definitely an improvement over New York.”  
  
“What happened?” she asked.  
  
“Let’s just say Mrs. Cohen’s opinion of me is similar to your father’s. But Kirsten’s been really cool, she didn’t make me stick around. How are you doing?”  
  
“I’m okay,” she replied.  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Marissa and Holly are over.”  
  
“You still down?”  
  
“Yeah. You?”  
  
“Yeah. I’m glad Marissa and Holly are there.”  
  
“Me, too.” She glanced up and down the hall before lowering her voice. “My dad’s been really weird lately.”  
  
“Weird how?”  
  
“He’s been apologizing and being all nice to me. And I know it’s probably because I trashed my room, but he says he didn’t know about the shooting and that’s why he didn’t come to get me after Oliver offed himself.”  
  
“I wish I hadn’t have been so messed up – I didn’t even have to go through it alone and my parents don’t live here. I thought you said you called him?”  
  
“He was switching service providers and he lost two days worth of voicemails. That’s what he says anyway.”  
  
“How’d he find out?” Ryan asked.  
  
She took another deep breath. “Zach’s dad was over. He asked about you, said he wanted to thank you in person but the Cohens have you under guard or something. I told him that Dad was probably sorry that I wasn’t the one that blew my head off to get him the sympathy vote.”  
  
“Don’t talk like that. You’re not like Oliver…”  
  
“I lie. I was living in a fantasy world with Zach, pretending to be a perfect little socialite. I hurt the people that cared about me most,” she said.  
  
“You’re not crazy. And you’re not like Oliver. You might have been a little fucked up lately, but nothing like that. You’d never pull a gun on anyone.”  
  
“I don’t like guns anyway,” she muttered.  
  
“Summer. “  
  
“Sorry. I’m just…talking out of my head.”  
  
“Stoned?”  
  
She laughed. “A little.”  
  
“I have to go before Kirsten realizes I’m gone. But I’ll call you when I get back.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
She closed the phone and placed it on the carpet beside her.  
  
“Summer? What are you doing sitting out here?”  
  
She glanced at where her father was standing in the hall. “I was on the phone, I’ll get out of your way.”  
  
“Summer, please. I know I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry,” he said, approaching her slowly. “I’m your father and I love you more than anything. When I think about how close I came to losing you – when Greg told me the whole story, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”  
  
“So?” she replied, not letting his words penetrate as she got to her feet.  
  
He looked genuinely upset. “I have something important to say to you, Summer.”  
  
She met his gaze reluctantly.  
  
“I’ve decided not to run for office. I’m canceling the campaign,” he stated.  
  
“What?” She must not have heard him correctly.  
  
“You are supposed to be the most important thing in my life. You’re my daughter. It’s always been you and me, and I lost sight of that for a moment. I think, you’ve grown up so fast, you’re so intelligent and beautiful that I forget that you’re still my baby girl.”  
  
“Dad...”  
  
“I know I’ve got a long way to go to earn your respect back, but I hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me.”  
  
She had never expected to hear those words come from him.  
  
He smiled at her and stepped forward, pulling her into a hug despite her shock.  
  
“I’ll let you get back to your friends. I’ll make us some waffles tomorrow,” he said, releasing her and walking away.  
  
Marissa opened the door, looking at her with concern. “Summer?”  
  
“I think the sky is falling,” she said softly. “Because two really good things just happened to me.”  
  
Marissa frowned at her and pulled her back into the room.  
  
“My dad, he quit politics. He gave me a hug,” she said.  
  
“A hug?” Holly gasped.  
  
“Wow. What else?”  
  
“What?” Summer asked.  
  
“You said two things,” Marissa reminded.  
  
“Ryan called me. And he’s going to call me tomorrow, too,” Summer smiled, sitting down again.  
  
“I didn’t think you’d made up your mind about what you were going to do,” Holly said, offering her the ice cream.  
  
“I hadn’t. But…he called me. And…as much as it hurts to think that he slept with Taylor right after we broke up, we were broken up…I know he wasn’t planning on leaving Taylor for me,” she added. “We’ve spent so much time apart that I can’t rationalize wasting any more time being hurt when we could be together,” she said.  
  
“Makes sense,” Marissa smiled.  
  
“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Holly said.  
  
“Oh god, it really is the apocalypse,” Summer teased.  
  
“No, really, hear me out. Our little clique is all about the forgiving. I wouldn’t be here if Marissa hadn’t forgiven me, and Ryan still hung out with you and Zach after your thing…and…” Holly started.  
  
“Are you talking about Anna?” Marissa asked.  
  
“Yeah. I think she should go out with Zach,” Holly nodded.  
  
“What?” Summer asked.  
  
“They both like those weird comics Cohen likes, and those Japanese movies with the subtitles…and maybe Anna wouldn’t keep fucking other people’s boyfriends and girlfriends if she had one of her own,” Holly shrugged.  
  
“Where is this coming from?” Summer asked.  
  
“Yeah, since when do you want to play matchmaker?” Marissa laughed.  
  
“I just remember what it’s like to fuck up and have all my friends pissed off at me. She’s probably lonely, she was pretty close with Ryan and Seth and she might need some friends right now,” Holly said quietly.  
  
“Zach might be lonely, too. But I don’t know if he’ll be into dating her,” Summer considered aloud.  
  
“We just need to get them to spend some time together, see if there are any sparks,” Marissa said.  
  
“You’re up for this?” Summer smiled, looking at Marissa.  
  
“I’m tired of everyone being depressed, myself included. You call Anna, I’ll call Zach,” Marissa said. “Holly? You call Luke and Chip, we’ll throw a party…A pity party! That’s perfect.”  
  
“A pity party?” Summer snorted.  
  
Holly giggled. “That’s cute. For all the fuck ups who’ve fucked up recently.”  
  
Summer rolled her eyes but she was really glad that her friends were here. And maybe if she could help Zach move on she wouldn’t feel so guilty for hurting him.  
  


* * *


	29. Chapter 29

  
"Hey," he said, meeting her at the door.  
  
"Hey." Her heart still got all fluttery when she spoke to her. "Kirsten let you out, huh?"  
  
"Sort of," he said. "I'm on probation. Have to be home by ten, lights out by eleven," he added in an embarrassed whisper.  
  
"Ouch." The Cohens were really trying to keep him on a short leash.  
  
"At least I'm out," he shrugged.  
  
She smiled from his frustrated expression as he glared at the sling. "You really hate that thing."  
  
"I really really do," he smiled. "What do you want to do?"  
  
"I thought we were taking it slow, or else I'd say we should get naked," she teased.  
  
He laughed. "That's not as slow as we need. Movies in the poolhouse?"  
  
"You're just trying to suck up to Kirsten," she said, feeling lighter than she had in weeks.  
  
"Maybe. But I'm also a little tired. I really want to hang out with you, though."  
  
She was touched. She took his hand and walked with him around the house by the pool. "Was it really bad?"  
  
"What?" he asked, confused.  
  
"New York," she replied.  
  
"No, not really bad. Just regular bad. Kirsten...she's really great. It sucks that Sandy's mom thinks I'm freeloading scum, but I know that Sandy and Kirsten don't feel that way."  
  
"So you're not worried about being kicked out?" Summer asked, remembering his phone call from the previous week.  
  
"That's just it...this trip, as much as it sucked, it made me realize that I don't have to worry about that," Ryan admitted.  
  
"That's good. I'm sorry it took a sucky vacation to get that through your thick head," she teased, sitting down with him on the couch.  
  
"What about your dad?"  
  
She told him all about her Dad's new attitude and attempts at penance.  
  
She'd never been able to talk to anyone other than Marissa as easily as she could talk to Ryan. She was so stupid for almost losing this.  
  
They traded stories about their weekend and he seemed genuinely intrigued by the idea of fixing Zach and Anna up.  
  
They hadn't even turned the TV on when Kirsten appeared at 9:30. "Nice to see you, Summer," she greeted, her eyes skimming over the couch in complete parental mode at first. Once she seemed satisfied that there was no unapproved groping or nakedness, she softened her expression. "I'm going to have some ice cream before I go to bed. Would you kids like to join me?"  
  
"Ice cream sounds great," Summer said, needing to start making amends with Ryan's guardians if she was serious about getting him back for good.  
  
"We were going to watch a movie but lost track of time," Ryan said once they were in the kitchen.  
  
"Well, you're already home so I don't see why you can't stay up and watch your movie. I trust you both remember the rules?"  
  
"Yes, rules, we remember," Ryan nodded.  
  
"Don't stay up too late," she said once she'd filled a small bowl with ice cream, leaving the kitchen.  
  
"Good job with the sucking up," Summer teased.  
  
"You, too," he smiled.  
  
They settled in the den and started one of the movies Seth had ordered from Netflix before Ryan sat down beside her on the couch.  
  
"It's really good to see you. Like, without anything hanging over us," Ryan said when she leaned against him as she pulled her feet onto the cushion.  
  
"Yeah. It's like, we've never really went out without there being an issue with my Dad, or with Zach...or Taylor," she replied.  
  
"So this is our do-over?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah. I think so," she said, hoping it was true.  
  


* * *

  
Kirsten was disappointed at first to find Summer still on the couch when she got up. But Ryan was sleeping so peacefully with her curled in his arm that she couldn't be too angry. Ryan hadn't slept much on their trip, the change of location hadn't done anything for his insomnia and nightmares, but he was resting well on the couch.  
  
Summer seemed to sense she was being watched and woke up, flushing with embarrassment but Kirsten smiled to show she wasn't in trouble and motioned for her to join her in the kitchen.  
  
"Sorry," she said immediately.  
  
"As far as I can see, you didn't do anything other than fall asleep. And I think both of you needed some sleep. Coffee?" Kirsten offered.  
  
"Thanks," Summer nodded.  
  
Kirsten started the coffee as Summer sat down at the counter. "How have you been doing with all that's happened?"  
  
"Okay. I mean...it's hard. But I'm getting through. Ryan...he's helping," she replied.  
  
"I think you're helping him, too. .Now," she added.  
  
Summer lowered her gaze. "I messed up. I tried to please my father and ended up hurting Ryan. I almost lost him. But I promise, I'm not going to do that again. He's too important to me," she said.  
  
Kirsten felt better knowing that Summer was aware of her mistake. She knew how long it had taken Ryan to get over Summer's breakup the first time and she was hesitant about him going back with her so soon but the chemistry between them had always been tangible. After her visit with Ryan at MIT, she was even more awed by his intelligence, which made his girl drama all the more amusing.  
  
Ryan appeared, rubbing his eyes groggily and yawning.  
  
"I see you found a new sleep aid," Kirsten smiled to let him know he wasn't in trouble.  
  
"I didn't mean to fall asleep," Ryan said, sitting down beside Summer and taking a sip of her coffee before being swatted away.  
  
"That movie was really boring," Summer said. "But I better be getting home. I'll call you later," she added, glancing at Kirsten before pecking Ryan chastely on the cheek and hurrying out of the kitchen.  
  
"Should I be worried that you're going to get your heart broken again?" she asked, avoiding his glare.  
  
"I hope not. I'd feel pretty stupid if she had another boyfriend waiting in the wings," Ryan replied.  
  
She smiled. “Well, at least we can say you had one good night of rested sleep on your vacation.”  
  
“Yeah. But…my vacation could still be redeemed, you know,” he said.  
  
She was amused at the way he was trying to play on her sympathies. It reminded her of Seth and it meant so much that he felt comfortable enough with her to attempt begging. “I’m listening.”  
  
“Summer and Marissa are planning a party tonight, but it’s not, like, a ‘party’-party, it’s just a get-together. The goal is to try and cheer up Zach and Anna.”  
  
“You mean ‘hook them up’ don’t you?” she asked. “Is everything okay? I mean, why do they need cheering up?”  
  
He hesitated then. “You really want to know?”  
  
“Try me.”  
  
“You know Taylor and I broke up…and without going into details, Anna had something to do with all that and I was pretty pissed off. And my friends were pissed off, too and…she needs cheering up. And everybody says Zach is all depressed because of Summer’s whole ‘thing’ so Holly has this idea to see if they would be…compatible.”  
  
“Do Anna and Zach know about all this?” Kirsten asked, feeling privileged that he’d shared even the sparsest details with her. She knew it was because he wanted to be ‘ungrounded’ but it was a sneaky way of earning her trust. And it was working.  
  
“I don’t think so. Depending on your…decision to lift my grounding – I’m supposed to talk to Anna and Summer’s going to talk to Zach. With Marissa as chaperone,” he added after a moment of thought.  
  
She smiled, taking a deep breath. “I’ll think about it.”  
  
“Yeah?” he asked.  
  
“Yeah. Go get cleaned up and let me think about it,” she said.  
  
Ryan smiled at her, leaving her to think.  
  
She missed Sandy, but she was glad for the time to spend with Ryan by herself. They needed time together and she would cherish this vacation forever, even though it had ended the way it had.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy glanced over where Seth was fully focused on his cell phone, probably texting Marissa again.  
  
“Sandford. I’ve made a decision,” his mom said, catching his attention.  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
“I’m coming back to California with you and Seth. You were right, it’s been too long and I’ve never been to your home,” she said.  
  
Seth was staring at her. “You’re not serious.”  
  
“Of course I am,” she replied. “Seth…”  
  
“You aren’t going to let her come home with us, are you, Dad? After what she said to Ryan?” Seth asked.  
  
Sandy studied his mother. “Why are you doing this?”  
  
She took a deep breath and met his eyes. “Because I made a mistake. I may have ruined my only chance to get to know my new grandson and I may have ruined the relationship I had with my other grandson. I’d like a second chance. You seem to be good at giving people second chances,” she said.  
  
Sandy glanced at Seth.  
  
“If you really mean that – you just better mean it, Nana. Ryan doesn’t need another enemy. But he needs all the family he can get,” Seth said seriously.  
  
“I mean it,” she said. “Sandy?”  
  
“You have to make this up to Ryan and Kirsten. I’ve sat back too long and let you belittle her in front of Seth. If you want a second chance with Ryan, you have to ask Kirsten to forgive you first,” Sandy said.  
  
Seth’s mouth dropped open but Sandy didn’t take back his words.  
  
“Deal,” his mother agreed. “I’ll book a hotel, in case she doesn’t let me in the house. It’s…your home and she can make your decisions for you, if that’s the way you do it out there in California,” she added.  
  
“Nana,” Seth warned.  
  
“Sorry. And thank you for the opportunity,” she said, giving him a smile that he almost believed.  
  
Kirsten was going to kill him. But he had to give his mother the benefit of the doubt because no matter how much he denied it – he wanted her to love Ryan the way he deserved. He couldn’t bear having Ryan feel like a disappointment to Sophie.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan stuffed his free hand into his pocket after he rang the doorbell, uncomfortable outside of the overwhelming Stern mansion even though he lived in a massive house himself. He’d never get used to this.  
  
“Ryan?” Anna asked when she opened the door.  
  
“Hey. Can we talk?” he asked.  
  
“You’re talking to me now?” she replied. “Of course, come in,” she said, shaking off her surprise and stepping aside.  
  
She wasn’t wearing any makeup and he could tell she was genuinely confused as to why he was there.  
  
“Look, I know you made a mistake. And I know you’re sorry. And I want us to still be friends because even though you mess up occasionally, you’re usually a really good friend and you’ve been there for me in the past. And, I guess, this is the time for me to be there for you,” Ryan said.  
  
She had tears in her eyes but was smiling. “Who put you up to this?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“You didn’t come here on your own. You were…really pissed.” She said, sitting down on the couch.  
  
“I wasn’t pissed…as much as I was hurt,” Ryan said. He took a deep breath. “I liked Taylor a lot, you know that. But you also know that I didn’t…like her as much as I liked Summer. But the night after we dropped you and Taylor off – she told me she wanted me back. And I turned her down. I told her that I wouldn’t do that to Taylor and that we had to just be friends. Summer, she wanted me back and I turned her down,” Ryan said. “And Taylor…she was having sex with you – and even though you’re a girl, if the clothes were off, it still counts,” he said.  
  
“I know,” she laughed, choking slightly on tears. “I’m so sorry…”  
  
“I know you are,” he sighed. “But, I…I don’t know if I’m that upset about it anymore.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Me and Summer…we’re going to try dating again. Like, on the level,” he said.  
  
“Did she put you up to this?” Anna smiled, composing herself.  
  
“You aren’t going to believe me if I tell you who’s idea this is,” Ryan said.  
  
“Who?” she gasped.  
  
“Holly. She’s all about the forgiveness. She might not be the brightest bulb, but she’s decided you’ve paid your dues and that you deserve another chance. And, well, I miss having you around,” he said.  
  
“I’ll have to buy Holly a drink,” Anna smiled. “I missed you, too.”  
  
“Really? Because I have a proposition for you,” he said.  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
“I want you to come to a party tonight. Everyone’s cool again, and even though Seth’s going to kill me for going to a party without his supervision, I really want you to come so we can all hang out and just…chill. I feel like I haven’t been able to chill in forever,” Ryan said honestly.  
  
“Okay. When?”  
  
“As soon as you’re ready, Kirsten let me borrow the Rover, but she said you have to drive after dark because of my shoulder,” Ryan said.  
  
“You can’t use your arm after dark?” she teased.  
  
“I’m supposed to wear the sling but she lets me get away with not wearing it when I’m driving. For short distances, like the two blocks it takes me to get to your house. I have to walk home if it’s late when we get back,” he smirked.  
  
“I’ll make sure you get home safe, give me a few minutes to change, I won’t be long,” Anna said.  
  
“Cool.”  
  


* * *

  
“So, you know the plan?” Summer asked her as they stood on Zach’s porch.  
  
“Ambush. Got it,” Marissa nodded. This was so much fun.  
  
Summer was slowly turning back into her best friend, happy and enthusiastic. She knew that the majority of her mood shift was due to Ryan’s return but she knew that Summer’s father had been doing nice things for her as well. She’d missed Summer and she was glad to see light in her eyes again. They’d all had some rough times lately and they needed some good times now.  
  
“Summer? Marissa? What’s going on?” Zach asked, answering the door in sweats and a ball cap and looking disheveled.  
  
“This is called an intervention,” Marissa said, slipping past him into the house. “We’re on a mission to clean and cheer you up.”  
  
“What are you talking about?” Zach asked, looking at Summer.  
  
“We’re talking about you and how you’ve been depressed and upset since the breakup and the shooting. And everyone else has been working it out, and dealing with it together – but you haven’t been around. And even though we’re not dating anymore – you’re still my friend and I want to be your friend, too,” Summer said.  
  
Marissa nodded, taking in Zach’s startled expression. “So deal with it, Zach, you have to get ready because you’re coming out with us tonight,” she said.  
  
“Out? Where?” Zach asked. “With just you guys?”  
  
“Holly’s having some friends over, meaning us, and some more friends. Ryan’s going to be there. And it’s totally laid back, skimpy on the liquor because of Marissa here, but heavy on the ‘hanging out’,” Summer said.  
  
Marissa rolled her eyes at her friend. “Whatever, Summer,” she laughed, grateful that Zach seemed to be swaying from her joke. “Are you up for it? If not, we’ll have to stay here with you and tell you jokes until you call security,” she said.  
  
“Wouldn’t want that,” Zach laughed. “Fine. I’ll go take a shower, where are we meeting?”  
  
“We’re not leaving without you, don’t want you to flake out,” Summer said.  
  
“So hurry. Luke will eat all the chicken wings if we don’t get there early enough,” Marissa said.  
  
“Chicken wings?” Zach perked up.  
  
“That’s the magic word,” Summer laughed, winking at her as Zach hurried up the stairs.  
  
“You think this is going to work?” Marissa asked.  
  
“Yes, I do. Totally,” Summer nodded. “Because if not, we’re going to have to fix him up with Taylor and I just don’t think I could handle that.”  
  
“You know she probably deserves forgiveness, too,” Marissa said.  
  
“One thing at a time, Coop,” Summer replied. “I have a few bones to pick with her before I start rebuilding bridges.”  
  
“Fair enough,” Marissa laughed.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan and Anna got to Holly’s first and she quickly snatched Anna into the kitchen. Luke rolled his eyes and waved him into the den where he was playing video games with Chip.  
  
“So, what’s with the disappearing act?” Luke asked. “Summer said you were touring colleges or something.”  
  
“Something like that. Dr. Adams and Mr. Jenkins wanted me to visit MIT, talk math,” Ryan shrugged.  
  
“Yeah, we heard that you were some kind of genius,” Chip said with a smirk.  
  
“Fuck you,” Ryan replied. “They’re just excited to have someone that can add in their class,” he joked.  
  
“Seriously, dude, you think you could help me with my statistics class? Coach says I can’t play baseball in the spring if I don’t pass it,” Chip said.  
  
“I’ll give it a shot, but I’m not sure how much I can teach you,” Ryan replied. “You may be a lost cause.”  
  
“Fuck you!” Chip replied, after a moment. “I’ll come over after school next week,” he added.  
  
“Cool.”  
  
“So, you and Anna are all friends again?” Luke asked.  
  
He shrugged. “Yeah. We talked. And she wasn’t crying when we got here, so that’s an improvement.”  
  
“What about Taylor?” Chip asked. “Because, man, I don’t know how I missed it before – but girl is smoking hot.”  
  
Luke glanced around before leaning over. “Is she really as good in bed as everyone says?”  
  
“Who says?” Ryan replied, narrowing his eyes.  
  
“Well, everyone. I mean, her and Anna? That’s kinky,” he whispered.  
  
“She’s a really nice girl,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Nice?” Chip scoffed. “That’s all we get? Come on, man!”  
  
“Don’t talk to me, taco bell bathroom guy,” Ryan warned. Chip blushed and shut up. “I just don’t want to give her a reputation. I mean, I’m still kind of pissed off, but…she’s not a bad girl. I mean, I rebounded pretty fast and that’s got to hurt.”  
  
“You’re all sensitive, and shit, no wonder you get laid all the time,” Chip muttered.  
  
“Maybe you should ask him to tutor you at getting laid instead of stats,” Luke teased.  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes when Chip tackled him and they began wrestling on the carpet.  
  
“I should have known they’d start without us – where are the chicken wings?” Marissa announced, amused when she walked in with Zach and Summer. Summer gave him a smile and a wave before disappearing. He wasn’t sure what that meant.  
  
“I think Holly was waiting on you guys,” Luke said, gasping as Chip rubbed his face into the carpet.  
  
Ryan reached out and shook Zach’s hand, noticing his uneasiness. “Hey, man. You doing okay?”  
  
Zach shrugged, sitting down beside him when Chip and Luke continued to fight. “I guess. You?”  
  
Ryan glared at the sling he was forced to wear. “I’ve been better. But I should be rid of this sling in a few days, if all goes according to plan.”  
  
“I wanted to tell you…thanks. For what you did,” Zach said.  
  
Ryan nodded, not sure what to say. He lowered his voice. “You know, I still dream about it. Almost every night. And sometimes it’s Seth that’s dead, or you, or Summer. I just couldn’t let him shoot you, you know?”  
  
“I still dream about it, too. That’s why my dad made me take a vacation. He was going to make me start going everywhere with secret service agents.”  
  
“We just need to make sure our friends don’t make any more friends in rehab or mental hospitals,” Ryan said quietly, earning a smile from Zach.  
  
“I wasn’t sure about coming out tonight, not that Marissa or Summer gave me a choice,” Zach replied. “You and Summer…you guys are back together, aren’t you?”  
  
“Sort of. Like, we’re taking it slow, but I guess, we could be classified as dating,” Ryan replied. “Is that…going to bother you tonight?”  
  
“Not as much as I thought it would. I mean, at least I know she’s not going out with some asshole,” Zach replied.  
  
“Cool. I think,” Ryan replied. He leaned over. “I know you’re probably still hung up on Summer and I can’t blame you because she’s really great – but you should talk to Anna, I think she might surprise you,” he whispered.  
  
“Anna? Really?” Zach asked, surprised. “Did she, like, say something?”  
  
“No, dude, Anna’s my friend and all but she doesn’t talk to me about guys. But she loves comics and those cartoons with the subtitles that you and Seth like so much. Even if you don’t want to go out with her, she might turn out to be a good friend anyway,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Thanks. I think,” Zach replied. “I mean…my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend fixing me up?”  
  
“I am not a matchmaker, dude. But I know that Anna’s cool and you’re cool and I’m just saying that you might have some things in common,” Ryan replied.  
  
Zach nodded thoughtfully. “She is, kind of, hot.”  
  
“Chip, get off Luke and come help us with the groceries,” Holly said, walking in. “I hate it when you get him all bruised up.”  
  
Summer smiled as she walked in, but she didn’t come over. Ryan wondered what was going on with her tonight. She hadn’t even kissed him hello yet.  
  
“I’m going to go help with the bags, I really want some of those wings since Marissa keeps talking about them,” Zach said, getting up and leaving Ryan on the couch.  
  
“One good thing about that sling is that you don’t have to bring in groceries,” Summer said, making her way over to him and straddling him on the couch. She trailed her fingers down both sides of his face before kissing him deeply.  
  
That was the hello he’d been waiting for.  
  


* * *

  
Summer was pleased with the way things were going so far. It was almost eleven, but she knew as long as she got Ryan home by midnight that she’d be safe.  
  
Zach and Anna had been sitting outside for a while. He’d never really smoked up with her, so it was new to see him passing the joint with the blonde.  
  
She didn’t watch them too closely, though. Marissa and Holly were chatting by the window and Chip and Luke were drunk and immersed in their video game.  
  
She was immersed in something better.  
  
She could kiss Ryan for hours and not get bored, the way he held her head and the way his tongue felt on her neck – she would never get tired of it.  
  
But it was getting a little…agonizing.  
  
If she didn’t get him inside her soon – she was going to explode.  
  
“Want to drive me home?” Ryan breathed in her ear.  
  
“Yes…” she replied, equally breathless.  
  
“Go ask Anna if she can get a ride home with someone else…” Ryan said, leaning back on the loveseat they’d commandeered.  
  
“Why don’t you go ask?” she replied, leaning forward to kiss him again.  
  
“Because…mm…I can’t right now,” he replied, his erection rubbing against her leg through his jeans.  
  
“Oh, right…be back in a second…just, hold that thought – “ she said, pushing herself off him and feeling dizzy when she stood up.  
  
As soon as she walked onto the patio, Anna and Zach’s laughter dissolved and they both looked at her in surprise.  
  
“God, you scared us – don’t do that!” Anna scolded, holding her hand over her heart.  
  
“Sorry – but…I wondered if you could catch a ride home with someone else – I, kind of, need Ryan for something,” Summer said, still flushed.  
  
“I’ll take her home, Summer,” Zach smiled. “We were already talking about Ryan’s early curfew,” he added.  
  
“Thanks, Zach,” she said honestly.  
  
“It’s cool.”  
  
She hesitated, waiting for him to finish what he’d started to say.  
  
“Like, I thought it would bother me to see you with him,” he said. “But…you guys seem to fit. Take him home, we’ll see you later.”  
  
Anna nodded her agreement with a knowing wink and Summer didn’t argue.  
  
She wanted Ryan. Now. Even if Zach had just…forgiven her – she couldn’t think about that now.  
  
It was nice, though.  
  
“You ready?” Ryan asked, standing by the front door with the keys. He’d taken off his sling.  
  
Oh, it was on now.  
  


* * *


	30. Chapter 30

Kirsten smiled when she saw Sandy walk into the kitchen. “Hey, I wondered when you guys were going to be getting back – I wasn’t sure what you meant when you said you were taking a later flight, did everything go okay with your mom?” she asked, kissing him.  
  
Sandy took a deep breath. “Yes and no.”  
  
“What’s that mean?” Kirsten asked, confused.  
  
He should have called her from New York. But he knew what her answer would be. But now that his mom was actually in California, he knew that she wouldn’t turn him down. It was a dirty trick, but he hoped she’d forgive him. “Mom flew back with us. She wants another chance to get to know Ryan.”  
  
Kirsten’s face flushed with anger.  
  
“I hate springing this on you, but I knew you’d say no if I called first,” Sandy replied.  
  
“What makes you think I won’t say no now?” she snapped.  
  
“She’s here. She came all this way, she wants to see our home and get to know Ryan the way she should have the first time…”  
  
“God, Sandy, do you even care what this is going to do to Ryan?” Kirsten asked. “Your mother accused of us ambushing her, but she had over a week to prepare for our visit and you couldn’t even give me a phone call.”  
  
“Kirsten…”  
  
“You’ve already made up your mind, what are you asking me? It’s obvious that you think this is a good idea since you brought her all this way and it’s obvious you didn’t care what I thought about it since you didn’t call,” Kirsten said flatly. “All these years, I’ve stood beside you and let her talk to me like I’m not worthy to breathe her air and I’ve accepted that she’s never going to approve of me – but I never thought you’d let her treat Ryan that way. And I just can’t believe with as hard of a time as he’s been having that you’d push this on him.”  
  
“Kirsten, wait, we have to talk about this…” Sandy said when she turned to storm off.  
  
“No, we don’t. Your mother’s here, what else is there to talk about?” She paused and looked at him with cold eyes. “And since we’re on the subject, you can be the one to explain to Ryan why he can’t give his own mother a second chance but he has to give your mother as many as she needs. You can tell him why your mother’s allowed to treat him like scum when no one else is. That’s on your plate. I’ll be at my father’s house until your mother’s gone.”  
  
“She’s staying at a hotel,” Sandy managed.  
  
“Our home isn’t good enough either? I should have known. I’ll be at Dad’s. Tell Seth to call me when he gets home,” she added, slamming the front door as she left.  
  
This was not starting off the way he expected. He sat down at the counter.  
  
Ryan entered after a moment, wary. “Everything okay?”  
  
“Yes, but Kirsten’s a little angry with me. Did you hear us yelling?” he asked, guilty.  
  
“A little,” Ryan admitted. “Welcome home. Where’s Seth?”  
  
“Sit down, Ryan,” Sandy said. “I have something to tell you.”  
  
Ryan’s face had already dropped and he took the stool beside him. “Sandy, I’m really sorry about your mom not liking me. I’m not sure what I did wrong, or why she thinks I’m trying to con you – but I’m sorry for ruining your visit with her. I know you don’t get to see her that often and I would never have come if I’d thought that it would make her angry with you,” Ryan said quietly.  
  
“If I remember correctly, you only went because we asked you to,” Sandy said, feeling his guilt thicken.  
  
“Yeah, but I wouldn’t have gone if I’d known she’d react that way. I mean…it’s been, kind of, hard for me to accept that you guys really think of me as a part of the family. And I hope you’re not mad at me and Kirsten for bailing out of the trip, but she really helped me chill out. It’s, like, I’ve got so much going on in my head right now that I didn’t think I could handle it. But now I’m back here, and I feel better. I mean, I didn’t have any trouble sleeping the last couple of nights and me and Summer are back together and…before you tell me whatever you want to tell me, I just want to make a blanket apology for the crappy vacation and everything and just say thank you for letting me come home early.”  
  
Sandy put his arm around his shoulders, understanding what it had taken for Ryan to open up with that many words. “Oh, kid, I’m sorry for giving you more than you can handle.”  
  
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Ryan asked, having said his piece and looking at him with his ‘ready for lecture’ face.  
  
Seth entered the kitchen, grinning brightly. “Hey, Dad, did you tell Ryan the news?”  
  
“What news?” Ryan asked.  
  
Sandy’s mom walked in behind Seth, her lips pursed. “Hello, Ryan.”  
  
Sandy felt horrible when he saw the flicker of hurt in Ryan’s eyes before he quietly responded. “Hello, Mrs. Cohen.”  
  
“Dad?” Seth asked, hesitating. “Where’s Mom?”  
  
“Excuse me, I need to go to work,” Ryan said, sliding off the stool.  
  
“I thought you didn’t have a job,” Sophie asked immediately.  
  
Ryan didn’t raise his eyes from the floor, completely subdued. “I have an after school job but I haven’t been in a while so I was going to go in for a few hours today,” he replied quietly.  
  
“Why haven’t you been going?” she asked after a beat.  
  
“Because he got shot, Nana, his shoulder’s just getting better now,” Seth answered, his bright mood faltering.  
  
Ryan turned back to Sandy, his face blank. “Can I go now?”  
  
“Sure. Do you need the car?” Sandy asked.  
  
Ryan glanced at the Nana for a moment. “No, thanks, I’ll walk.”  
  
“Nana, that wasn’t exactly an apology,” Seth said once Ryan was gone.  
  
“I’m working up to it,” she replied. “Finish giving me a tour, Sethela. And then call your girlfriend so I can meet her, too, while I’m here.”  
  
Sandy watched them walk away and sat alone in the kitchen. He didn’t think he could fix this one. He’d made a big mess.  
  


* * *

  
Marissa was really glad that Seth was back. He’d shown up at her door and kissed her and it had been like he’d never left.  
  
Then he’d introduced her to his grandmother.  
  
The Nana didn’t seem to approve. She didn’t know if it was because of the ‘welcome home’ kiss or the fact she was wearing a mini-skirt.  
  
It was amazing how far she’d come in the past few weeks – and how fast it could all be erased.  
  
“Do you even eat?” the Nana asked, frowning at her thin arms. “You look like you’ve been in a third world country.”  
  
“Nana! She’s beautiful,” Seth said, putting his arm around her waist.  
  
“You’d think with a house like this that your parents could afford to feed you,” the Nana added. “But you’re invited to dinner tonight, I want to get to know my grandson’s girlfriend, make sure you’re up to par.”  
  
But Marissa could tell that she wasn’t going to be up to par, at least not to the Nana’s standards. She could tell that by the woman’s eyes.  
  
“Sethela, let’s go, I need to start preparing dinner and I don’t know your kitchen,” she said, snapping Seth back to attention.  
  
“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” Seth mouthed before hurrying after his grandmother.  
  
“Wow, she really is a bitch,” Summer said from the top of the stairs.  
  
“I thought Ryan was just overly sensitive,” Marissa said, closing the door. “But that woman – she hates me and I didn’t even get a chance to do anything wrong.”  
  
“I don’t want you going if it’s going to upset you,” Summer said when Marissa sat down on the stairs beside her.  
  
“Why do you say that?”  
  
Summer reached out and took her hand. She hadn’t even realized that she was shaking. “Oh.”  
  
“You think I’ll get invited? I mean, she invited Seth’s girlfriend, surely Kirsten or Sandy will make her invite Ryan’s girlfriend, too,” Summer said.  
  
“Girlfriend?”  
  
Summer smiled shyly, nodding.  
  
“Yay, Summer! That makes me so happy for you!” Marissa said, hugging her.  
  
“Me, too,” she whispered. “But I mean what I say – I don’t want you going if it’s going to upset you.”  
  
Marissa nodded. “I don’t want to go, but I need to support Seth and they came over here just to invite me. I can’t not go.”  
  
Summer was thoughtful, tapping her nails. “Do you still go to those meetings?”  
  
“AA? Yeah, sometimes,” Marissa replied.  
  
“Let’s go to one. Before dinner. That way you’ll be ready for anything,” Summer suggested.  
  
Marissa was surprised. “Um…”  
  
“You don’t have anything to be ashamed of, Coop. And I support you, no matter what. And if the meetings help you stay sober, then I want you to go,” Summer said quietly.  
  
“Okay,” Marissa said. “You think Kirsten’s at work? I’d like to hear what she thinks about the Nana, maybe she has some tips on impressing her.”  
  
“That’s a good idea, come on, let’s go see. We can stop by the mall if she’s not there and go shopping,” Summer said.  
  
“All right, thanks, Summer,” Marissa said. She could do this. She could impress the Nana and not get drunk.  
  
She could do this. Her friends were good friends. She’d survive the Nana sober.  
  


* * *

  
“Kirsten? Are you busy?”  
  
She glanced up, surprised to see Summer and Marissa hovering in the hallway outside of her office. “Girls, hi, come in, is everything all right?” She must work a lot if the girls knew to look for her in the office on a weekend.  
  
“Coop met the Nana today,” Summer explained, walking in.  
  
“Oh. Close the door,” Kirsten said.  
  
She hated that Sandy still tried so hard to please his mother. The Nana was a bitch. She may love her family, but the reasons for someone being a bitch didn’t change the fact that they were a bitch.  
  
She was still fuming, but she knew that she had to be the grown up and push her feelings aside for her family’s best interests. “Did she like you?”  
  
“No, she hates me,” Marissa replied.  
  
“She invited Marissa to dinner, to get to know her better. Is she going to poison her?” Summer asked.  
  
Kirsten smiled. “No, she’s always stuck to verbal abuse, I don’t think either of you should be threatened.”  
  
“Are you going to be there tonight?” Marissa asked.  
  
She hesitated.  
  
“Uh oh. Did she scare you away, too?” Summer picked up on her hesitation immediately.  
  
“Sandy didn’t tell me he was bringing her home with him. We had a…slight disagreement.”  
  
Summer raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
“I’ll be there tonight,” she agreed, earning a bright smile from Marissa.  
  
“Can you give us any tips?” Marissa asked. “I mean, she, kind of, made up her mind about me without even talking to me, and I need to know how to make her like me.”  
  
“If I knew how to make that happen, I’d tell you. But I’ve been dealing with her disapproval for many years now. You’re dating her precious grandson and I don’t think any girl will ever be good enough for Seth or Sandy in her eyes,” Kirsten replied. “But you can’t let her get to you. You can’t take anything she says personal – she isn’t judging you because of who you are, she’s judging you because of who you’re dating. If you come to dinner expecting to impress her, you’re going to be disappointed.”  
  
Marissa nodded.  
  
“Hey, Coop, at least you were invited,” Summer said, tapping her on the knee.  
  
“Do you know if she’s seen Ryan yet?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“We don’t know, but one of the architect guys said Ryan was downstairs so we were going to stop after we saw you,” Summer replied.  
  
“He’s here? I guess I left too soon,” Kirsten said. “But Summer, I want you to come to dinner, too. Whether she likes it or not, Ryan’s a part of the family and you’re the girl he’s dating and you have to come, too.”  
  
“As if she needs someone else to make feel bad,” Summer said. “But I’ll be there.”  
  
“All right. Anything else I can help you girls with?”  
  
“I think that’s it. But you promise you’re going to be there tonight?” Marissa asked, standing up with Summer.  
  
“I promise. I won’t let her get you,” Kirsten smiled.  
  
“Thanks,” Marissa replied.  
  
She quickly finished up what she was doing and decided to go down and talk with Ryan.  
  
She hoped that the Nana’s visit wouldn’t make things harder for him, but she knew that he’d wanted to make a good impression and her rebuff of him had hurt his feelings more than he’d ever admit.  
  
“Hey, Mrs. Cohen, we missed the kid around here, the temps can’t do half the stuff he can do – it’s great to have him back,” Rick said, noticing her entrance.  
  
“I’m sure he’s glad to hear that, but you’re not working him too hard, I hope?” she smiled.  
  
“Oh, no, of course not,” he said, flushing slightly. “But we did miss him.”  
  
“Where is he? Are the girls still here?”  
  
Rick hesitated. “He’s on a break, and no, the girls are gone.”  
  
“Where is he?” she repeated.  
  
“I don’t want to get him in trouble,” Rick replied, quietly.  
  
“He’s smoking, isn’t he?” she realized. “I’ll find him, and I won’t tell him how miserably you failed to cover for him,” she added.  
  
“Thanks,” Rick snorted.  
  
She found Ryan in the parking lot, smoking a cigarette. As far as she’d known, he’d given up the habit but she wasn’t surprised to find him turning back to it in times of stress. And the Nana equaled stress.  
  
“Hey, you okay?” she asked, pretending not to see the cigarette.  
  
“Yeah, um, fine,” he stammered, stepping on the cigarette in a pathetic attempt to hide it.  
  
“Sure you are. I’m sorry, if it matters,” Kirsten replied.  
  
“You didn’t know either, if the girls were telling me correctly,” Ryan said with a shrug and a wince.  
  
“I didn’t know. And I made it very clear to Sandy how I felt about him springing this on us.”  
  
“What do you think about this dinner thing?” Ryan asked. “I don’t even want to go home.”  
  
“I’m going because the girls asked me to. I’ll make sure she doesn’t say anything…” Kirsten started.  
  
“No, I don’t want you in the middle. Don’t defend me to her, it just makes it worse,” Ryan said. “Then she thinks bad of you and me,” he added. He looked at her with sad eyes. “When I first came, you didn’t want me here either, it’s probably the first time you’d have agreed on something.”  
  
“Don’t say that – I thought we went through all this,” Kirsten frowned. “You know how important you are…”  
  
“I was just joking,” Ryan sighed. “Mind giving me a ride home when you leave?”  
  
“How’d you get here?” she questioned.  
  
“I walked. It’s not that far. Needed to clear my head. Wish I could say it worked,” Ryan replied.  
  
She rubbed his good shoulder. “She’s not staying forever. Just a few days and everything can go back to normal,” she promised.  
  
“I’m going to take your word on that.”  
  


* * *

  
Ryan hurried into his room as soon as Kirsten brought him home, locking it behind him.  
  
He had wanted to hang out with Seth but after the thoroughly embarrassing conversation with Sandy earlier, he’d decided to not say anything until the Nana was out of town.  
  
Seth loved his Nana and Ryan didn’t want to make that any worse than he already had.  
  
He’d opened up to Sandy about how grateful he was for not having to go back to New York and how bad he felt about the Nana’s reaction to him, only to have it thrown in his face when she’d walked through the door.  
  
No matter how much Sandy said it was okay, he’d brought her back to California.  
  
It was Ryan’s job to make it up to her. He had to prove himself to the Nana. Why else would Sandy and Seth have brought her back?  
  
He’d disappointed them both.  
  
But as badly as that made him feel, he did not want to have to face the Nana again. He just didn’t want to.  
  
He had never thought that Kirsten would abandon him, but the way she’d spoken on the way home made it seem like even she was deserting him, staying at her dad’s. The Nana had forced Kirsten out of her own house, how was Ryan supposed to deal with that?  
  
He took a shower, changing into a nice dress shirt and slacks, making sure they were ironed and sat down on the floor beside his bed with his laptop, focusing his attention on the assignments he had built up from his failed vacation.  
  
There was a soft knock on the door and he opened it warily. Sandy was standing in the hall.  
  
“You okay? What’s with the dress clothes?” he asked.  
  
“I figured I should dress nice. I’m fine,” Ryan said, not stepping out of the room but opening the door further.  
  
Sandy frowned. “Ryan, you don’t have to hide out, or dress nice…”  
  
“Don’t worry, Sandy. I won’t disappoint you this time – I’ll do better,” Ryan replied quietly.  
  
“Ryan, you didn’t disappoint me – ” Sandy started.  
  
“You and Kirsten are fighting, your Mom had to come all this way – I didn’t want any of this to happen and I’m sorry, okay? Just…I’ll come out for dinner, but until then, I think it’s best I stay in here, out of the way,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Look, we need to talk about this – ” Sandy sighed.  
  
“And now you’re upset, it’s just…” he replied, frustrated. “I don’t know what else you want me to do, Sandy…if I knew what I did wrong in the first place, then I could know how to fix it – but I can’t change where I’m from, or my past, I can’t change any of that…will you just let me be before anyone else gets upset?” He closed the door before Sandy could say anything else.  
  
He closed the laptop and sat down in the floor again, sighing.  
  
He was still an Atwood. No matter what he was thinking, that he could fit in here, that the Cohens really wanted him here, that they considered him family – it wasn’t true. He was an Atwood and he would never belong here.  
  
It didn’t matter how hard he tried.  
  
The Nana was just telling the truth. She was trying to protect Sandy and his family from the chaos that came with knowing an Atwood.  
  
He put his head between his knees.  
  
It was only a matter of time until they started to believe her.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy walked into the kitchen and took his mom’s hand, stopping her from stirring the soup she was preparing on the stove.  
  
“Sandford?”  
  
“I don’t know if I’ve made this clear enough yet – but Ryan is a member of my family and if you say one word to him that makes him feel uncomfortable – if you do anything other than apologize to him and make an effort to get to know him, then you will never be invited back. Is that understood?”  
  
“Sandy!” she gasped.  
  
“I mean it. You are tearing my family apart and you seem to be enjoying it and for the life of me, I cannot understand why. Ryan is the best thing that’s happened to my family in years and you’re doing everything you can to ruin it and I swear to you – I will never forgive you if you hurt him any more than you already have,” he said, turning and leaving her to think about his words.  
  
“Big talk,” Kirsten said softly, sitting in the den when he walked past.  
  
“I mean it,” he replied.  
  
“I hope so, because Ryan is really upset. But it seems like you finally figured that out. Oh, and she’s got Marissa and Summer running scared, too,” she added.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Poor Marissa is beside herself, came to my office this afternoon to ask for tips on impressing her,” Kirsten said, standing up. “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”  
  
“Kirsten…”  
  
“I’m going upstairs, you and your mother seems to have everything under control,” Kirsten said, disappearing.  
  
“This is bad,” Seth said, walking in and glancing after his retreating mother.  
  
“Tell me something new,” Sandy sighed.  
  
“I don’t get it – she was so sincere on the plane, she told us all the questions she wanted to ask and asked all about Ryan – what happened to making her apologize to Mom first?”  
  
Sandy sighed again. God, he had a headache. “I believed her, too, Seth.”  
  
“How long are we going to believe her until you kick her out?” Seth asked quietly. “Because, you know I love the Nana, but she’s – she’s not just being mean to Mom now, she’s being mean to everyone.”  
  
Sandy sighed. “Let’s see how dinner goes. Go get dressed,” he said.  
  
“Why can’t I wear this?” Seth asked, rubbing his sleeves fondly. “I missed my bathrobe.”  
  
“Isn’t Marissa coming?” Sandy asked.  
  
“Crap,” Seth said, hurrying out of the room to change.  
  


* * *

  
“This is just not going to work,” Summer announced, walking into Ryan’s room and closing the door with a slam.  
  
“What?” he asked, looking up from his computer in surprise.  
  
“You are totally freaking out,” she stated.  
  
“No, I’m not, what are you talking about?” Ryan replied.  
  
“Oh, sure, now you’re all confident again, pretending like you aren’t in here brooding and feeling sorry for yourself,” she said, pulling him to his feet so she could look in his eyes up close. “You are better than this.”  
  
“Don’t I even get a hello?” he asked.  
  
“Don’t change the subject. The Nana has you all running scared, even Kirsten, but she’s just an old lady who doesn’t even live in this state – what are you worried about?”  
  
He avoided her gaze.  
  
“Ryan…you know the Cohens love you. And you know that this is your home now, you live here with them – not the Nana. It doesn’t matter what she thinks of you…”  
  
“It matters what they think of me,” Ryan said.  
  
“Have you done anything to the Nana? Have you even talked to her? Because – honestly, you have no reason to worry. She’s just saying what everyone said before they got to know you – but look at you now – ” she insisted. “The Cohens know you and nothing that anyone ever says is going to change that they know you’re not like she says.”  
  
Ryan was looking at her.  
  
“Are you listening?”  
  
“Yeah. I am. You know what I’m thinking?”  
  
“What?”  
  
He kissed her.  
  
Sometimes, she really liked the way his mind worked.  
  


* * *

  
Well, this was it.  
  
Seth was stunned to see his mother already sitting at the table with his dad. She wasn’t even helping the Nana bring the food from the kitchen.  
  
But he knew that the Nana had probably wanted his mom as far away from the food as possible.  
  
Ryan pulled out the chair for Summer before taking a seat between her and Kirsten. Seth had to follow suit, and he pulled out Marissa’s chair for her before taking his seat beside his dad.  
  
“All right, everyone’s here?” the Nana asked brightly.  
  
“Yes, Mom, and it looks delicious,” his dad said as she sat down.  
  
“Don’t be shy, aren’t any of you hungry?” the Nana said.  
  
Kirsten made the first move, delicately choosing a roll and placing it on her plate. Seth accepted the basket of rolls and they started silently loading their plates.  
  
“So, what do you kids usually do on Saturday nights?” the Nana asked.  
  
“Have dinner with our grandmas?” Seth joked, earning a weak smile from Marissa.  
  
“Come on, now, you had so much to say in New York,” the Nana urged before turning her attention to Ryan. “But I’m actually in town to get to know my other new family member. Ryan? What are your hobbies?”  
  
Seth scanned his memory, hoping Ryan wasn’t going to say ‘getting laid’.  
  
Ryan met her gaze for a split second, chewing food deliberately. “I play video games with Seth. Hang out with Summer.”  
  
“But you have a job, correct? What do you do there?” she asked.  
  
Seth relaxed slightly. She hadn’t insulted anyone yet.  
  
This was going to be fine. Fine.  
  
Ryan wasn’t relaxed. He’d placed small servings of everything on his plate, and seemed to be taking small bites of each dish in order to make it seem like he was really eating. He was more, like, tasting.  
  
“He’s a math whiz,” Seth answered. “He double checks the nerds’ arithmetic.”  
  
Summer frowned at him and Marissa kicked him under the table.  
  
“He assists the architects,” Sandy said. “And he’s really good at it, they say he’s been irreplaceable.”  
  
“It’s the first time in years they’ve finished projects by deadline,” Kirsten added. Ryan gave her a look, clearly uncomfortable with the attention.  
  
“Wow, that’s impressive,” the Nana said after a moment.  
  
Yeah, this was going fine.  
  


* * *

  
“Ryan’s driving me home,” Summer announced when Sandy and Kirsten walked by the living room where she was trying to cheer Ryan up.  
  
“That’s fine, but don’t stay out too late,” Sandy said, giving Ryan a pointed look that he ignored.  
  
“Sure, thanks,” Summer said, pulling on Ryan’s arm until he stood up.  
  
“Didn’t you come from Marissa’s?” Ryan asked when they were outside, seeming to snap out of his Nana-induced trance.  
  
“It doesn’t matter. You’re driving me home and we’re going to have sex in my room and nobody’s going to make us feel bad about it,” she said, hopping into the front seat of the Rover and fastening her seat belt.  
  
Ryan was moving a lot faster now, starting the car.  
  
“It wasn’t that bad,” she said.  
  
“I know. I was all freaked out for nothing, that makes me feel even stupider,” Ryan said.  
  
“You’re not stupid. And she really is a bitch – but you’re going to have to get used to bitches living in Newport,” she said.  
  
He smiled at her, turning down her street. “That’s definitely true.”  
  
“Uh oh. My Dad’s home,” Summer realized.  
  
“I guess I’m not coming in, then,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Yes, you totally are, I meant what I said,” Summer said. “You faced the Nana and you can face my dad.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Ryan asked.  
  
She looked at him. “It’s my house, too and I want you in my bedroom – he can’t stop us.”  
  
“You said he was cool now, right?” Ryan asked, getting out of the Rover slowly.  
  
“I guess we’ll find out how cool. But I’m not hiding you from him and I won’t let him say shit about you either,” she added.  
  
He let her take his hand and they walked into the house.  
  
Her father was sitting on the couch in the den, leaning close to the screen watching the basketball game.  
  
“Hey, Daddy, me and Ryan are going upstairs,” Summer said, stopping outside.  
  
He looked away from the screen, distractedly but raised his eyebrows when he recognized Ryan. “Oh, Summer, hey, hello, Ryan. I don’t know if we’ve ever really been introduced,” he said, standing up and brushing the cheese dust off his hands from his bowl of Cheetos before offering his hand to shake.  
  
“Nice to meet you,” Ryan said, shaking firmly.  
  
“You’ve been taking good care of my daughter and she seems very happy. I’m glad you came by, as long as you keep those two things up, you’re always welcome,” he said.  
  
Summer was stunned. “Daddy? Are you stoned?”  
  
“No, honey, I thought that was your job,” he said under his breath, making it clear that he was just letting her know that he knew. She got a chill.  
  
“Three-pointer,” Ryan said, his attention on the TV. Her daddy immediately rushed back over to check the score.  
  
“We’re going to go upstairs now,” Summer said.  
  
“Have a nice time,” he said, sitting down on the couch without looking back at them.  
  
“That was…weird,” Ryan said once they were safely in her bedroom.  
  
“Really weird,” Summer replied.  
  
“You said things were weird around here,” he said, sitting down on her bed and falling backwards to lay down.  
  
She locked the door and turned off the overhead light, flipping the TV onto videos before walking over to the bed and pulling off her shirt.  
  
He smiled at her, watching her strip with a twinkle in his eyes.  
  
“What are you waiting for?” she asked, stepping out of her slacks and climbing onto the bed to kiss him in her lace bra and thong. “You know I hate when you wear clothes.”  
  
He laughed, pulling his shirt off.  
  
His shoulder still had a small bandage and the skin was discolored despite its’ healing. She had to be gentle with him.  
  
“You are the best cure for depression ever,” Ryan said, putting his arms around her and kissing her deeply as he kicked off his pants.  
  
“Is that all I’m good at?” she asked, breathless. She kissed her way down his biceps, his elbow to his wrists before sucking one of his fingers into her mouth.  
  
“You’re good at everything,” he said.  
  
She smiled, leaving him on the bed long enough to go to her dresser for a condom.  
  
She looked back at him. He was laid across her bed, his blue eyes watching her as he stroked his thick cock in his hand.  
  
“I love looking at you,” he said, flushing with embarrassment.  
  
“Don’t stop,” she said, turning around. She reached behind her and unclasped her bra, letting her breasts swing free, her nipples hard with arousal.  
  
Ryan was biting his lip, his eyes dark with lust. “As much as I love looking at you – I’d rather have your help with this,” he said with a smile.  
  
She laughed, opening the package and leaning down to lick the leaking precum off his cockhead, making it jump before she rolled the condom on.  
  
“That’s what I’m talking about,” he moaned as she lowered her pussy onto his cock.  
  
She loved being on top – she loved being in control and she gasped a little into his mouth when he was fully inside.  
  
“You like that?” she said, grinding her hips in a circle to let his dick hit different spots inside her as she teased him, fucking his mouth with her tongue, but keeping his cock tightly in place.  
  
“Mm, stop it,” he grunted, thrusting upwards to relieve the desperate arousal.  
  
“Slow down, I intend to enjoy this,” she said, nipping one of his nipples with her teeth before matching his rhythm and fucking him slowly.  
  
She loved the way he looked at her.  
  


* * *

  
“I can’t believe Mom stayed at Grandpa’s all weekend. The Nana’s been so nice,” Seth said, walking with Ryan up the stairs at Harbor on Monday.  
  
He was relieved that Ryan had loosened up slightly since the ‘family dinner’ on Saturday. He was still unusually quiet when Nana was around, but he didn’t have the same ‘on the edge’ feeling about him.  
  
Ryan shrugged, not replying.  
  
“You still hate her, too, don’t you?” Seth asked.  
  
“I don’t hate her, Seth,” Ryan sighed, meeting his gaze. “I just don’t understand what she’s doing here other than making everyone uncomfortable.”  
  
Seth was startled. “She came to get to know you, she came because she felt bad about how she treated you in New York. I thought you realized that,” he said.  
  
Ryan stared at him. “I have to get to class, Kirsten’s taking me to the doctor on my lunch so I’ll see you after school, Seth.”  
  
This sucked.  
  
Seth hoped the Nana would find a way to apologize before she went back to New York. He couldn’t stand behind her if she wouldn’t stick to her side of the bargain and make this right.  
  


* * *

  
“Oh,” Ryan said, taking a deep breath to keep his emotions in check.  
  
Sophie looked at him, flushed with surprise. She obviously didn’t expect him to be home, otherwise she wouldn’t have chosen this time to search his room.  
  
It was more like ransacking than simple searching. The sheets were stripped off his bed and his clothes were all unfolded and strewn around from where she’d gone through his drawers.  
  
“Ryan…” she said.  
  
He dropped his backpack in the hall. “You want to go through that, too?” He pulled his wallet out and tossed it down and added his cell phone to the pile. “There. That’s everything. You want to frisk me?”  
  
“Ryan, what’s going on?” Seth walked up, immediately freezing when he realized what was going on.  
  
“It’s not what it looks like…” the Nana started.  
  
Ryan turned. He wasn’t going to stay here. Not now. Not until she was gone.  
  
He’d actually believed that she’d changed her mind about it, but it was all an act. She was searching his room. Kirsten hadn’t trusted him at the beginning, but she’d never searched his room.  
  
“Nana, what do you think you’re doing?” Seth asked before chasing Ryan down and taking his arm. “Dude, don’t leave – please, just wait…”  
  
“I’m not sticking around to wait for her to install the metal detector, I’ll come back when she’s gone,” Ryan said, pulling his arm free and continuing toward the door.  
  
“Where are you going to go?” Seth called after him.  
  
“Anywhere but here,” Ryan replied.  
  
Sandy met him in the driveway, climbing out of his car. “Ryan? Where are you going?”  
  
“Ask your mother,” he replied, but Sandy blocked his way, putting his hands on his shoulders carefully.  
  
“Ryan? What happened?”  
  
“I won’t stay here anymore, not until she leaves. Let me go,” Ryan said.  
  
He would not do this. He had tried and done everything that they’d asked him. But the Nana searching his things, that was like he was a prisoner. His privacy was one of the things he loved about living here, he didn’t have to worry about people stealing his money or going through his stuff.  
  
“Come on, kid, let’s go inside and talk about this.”  
  
“No,” he replied. “I’m not going back in with you,” he stated.  
  
Sandy tapped his chin, making him meet his gaze. He studied Ryan’s face for a long moment. “All right. Will you sit in the car? Just for a few minutes and let me sort this out? Will you do that for me?”  
  
“I don’t want to be here. Can you understand that? Let her finish whatever she’s doing, I don’t have anything to hide – and when she’s done and gone, I’ll come back, but please, don’t make me stay here right now,” Ryan replied shakily.  
  
Sandy seemed torn as to what to do but after a long moment he held out the keys to the car. “Here. I want you to go to Summer’s, or to Luke’s, I want you to go to one of your friend’s houses and call me when you get there.”  
  
Ryan met his gaze again.  
  
“Promise me,” Sandy said.  
  
“Okay. I’ll go to Summer’s,” Ryan said.  
  
Sandy hurried inside and Ryan forced himself to breathe as he backed Sandy’s BMW down the driveway.  
  


* * *

  
“Look – look at what she’s doing,” Seth said when Sandy walked into the house.  
  
Sandy saw immediately why Ryan was so upset. His mother was frantically trying to clean up the mess she’d made in Ryan’s room. “Seth, go to your room.”  
  
“Dad…”  
  
“Seth,” Sandy said, making it clear that he meant it. Seth disappeared and Sandy stepped into the room, taking the pile of clothes from her hands and putting it on the stripped mattress.  
  
“Sandford…”  
  
“I want you out of my house. Now. You’ve done enough. You’ve got what you wanted. You’ve made your point. Now I want you out of my house,” Sandy said seriously.  
  
“Sandy, I just…”  
  
“I don’t care,” Sandy interrupted. “We’ve been through this. Did I not make it clear that Ryan is a member of my family? Did I not make it clear that upsetting him would result in me asking you to leave? Did I need to put it in writing?”  
  
“Please…”  
  
“I don’t care. I’ll call you a taxi. But you’re no longer welcome here,” Sandy said.  
  
“At least let me put his things back,” she started.  
  
He took a deep breath. “Get out of my house.”  
  
She gasped.  
  
“Do I need to say it again?” Sandy asked.  
  
He hadn’t spoken to his mother like this since he’d left home all those years earlier. He hadn’t been this mad at her since then either.  
  
But remembering the stricken look on Ryan’s face and his flat refusal to come back inside – he knew he was doing the right thing. This was probably the first thing he’d done right in days.  
  
“I’m sorry…” she whispered, visibly upset.  
  
“It’s too late for that now,” he replied, following her to the door of the guest room where she’d been staying and calling a cab while she packed her suitcase.  
  
“I’ll call you when I get back to New York,” she said quietly.  
  
“No. Don’t. You go back to New York and spend time with your family. You’ve made it pretty clear that my family isn’t included in that. I’m sorry that it has to be this way, but I have to protect my family now. And that’s Seth, Kirsten and Ryan. I’m sorry you can’t be a part of that anymore, but you made that decision on your own – I gave you plenty of chances,” Sandy said, stepping back and motioning toward the door.  
  
His mother’s shoulders were hunched as she walked into the hallway but he didn’t let himself pity her.  
  
He glanced up and saw Seth watching solemnly from the top of the stairs. But he didn’t get up. Sandy knew he’d heard everything.  
  
This hurt too much to be healthy for any of his children.  
  
“I am sorry, Sandy,” she said, turning to face him.  
  
“You should be apologizing to Ryan,” Seth called down.  
  
The taxi pulled up and Sandy waited until she was safely outside to close the door.  
  
“You okay?” Seth asked, joining him.  
  
“Help me get Ryan’s room back together,” Sandy said, patting him on the back and trying to forget about what had just happened.  
  
“Where is he?” Seth asked, following him.  
  
“I gave him the car, he said he was going to Summer’s and he promised to call me when he gets there,” Sandy replied. “I can’t believe this.”  
  
“I thought she had changed her mind, she was so nice to him last night,” Seth said, putting the books piled on the floor back on the shelf. Sandy noticed how careful he was.  
  
“What are you doing?” Sandy asked.  
  
“Can you believe the guy alphabetizes his book shelf? I have to put then back in the right order,” Seth replied, embarrassed.  
  
Sandy started folding the clothes on the bed, shaking his head.  
  
Summer burst through the door, visibly angry. “Where is she?”  
  
“Summer?” Seth asked. “The Nana’s gone. Dad kicked her out.”  
  
“I’m sorry, Mr. Cohen, but your mom’s a bitch – she can’t run Ryan out of his own house,” Summer stated.  
  
“Where is he, Summer?” Sandy asked after a moment.  
  
“I put him in the kitchen,” Summer replied, plucking the boxers from his hands and nodding emphatically. “Go talk to him – he’s really pissed off and he feels guilty about it, let us take care of this,” she added.  
  
“In other words, get your hands off Ryan’s underwear. Gross, Dad,” Seth said.  
  
Sandy wanted to reply but knew that he needed to talk to Ryan. Sooner rather than later.  
  
Ryan was sitting at the counter, leaned forward with his fingers laced together in front of him.  
  
“When’d you get the sling off?” Sandy asked.  
  
“This morning,” Ryan answered quietly.  
  
Sandy sat down beside him. “Before we get started, I want to say something.”  
  
Ryan looked at him, his face expressionless but his eyes dark with trepidation.  
  
“I am so proud of you,” he said. He ignored Ryan’s surprise and continued. “When I first met you, I thought you were impulsive and reckless, stealing a car with your brother, getting into fights…but I knew that you were special – I knew you just needed something more stable. A chance. And you’ve impressed me at every turn. You’re excelling in school, you’re doing amazing things with the architects, you’re polite to my mother – and Ryan, that’s not an easy task,” he said, patting him on the back and searching Ryan for a smile.  
  
Ryan just looked at his hands. He was steady, but Sandy knew that he wasn’t forgiven yet.  
  
“I am so sorry for bringing her here – I knew you were uncomfortable…”  
  
“Stop it,” Ryan said. “She’s your mom. And she loves you a lot, I can’t fault her for that. But all those things you just said – I’ve changed, or at least I’ve tried to, and seeing her searching my stuff – it…it just shows that I’ll never fit in here, I’ll never get away from my past, I’ll always be the delinquent who stole a car, even you said it a few minutes ago.” He snorted. “They always say first impressions are the ones you remember.”  
  
“Ryan, I may remember the way we met, but it only makes how I feel about you that much more special,” Sandy said. “Bringing you home with me that night, it was the best decision I ever made. I don’t regret anything. Except how my mother treated you.”  
  
“If you invite her over again, I’m staying in the poolhouse,” Ryan said, taking a deep breath.  
  
“I have a feeling she won’t be coming back any time soon,” Sandy replied.  
  
Ryan was looking at him now. “Don’t say that. I mean, she’s your mom and if she wants to see you, then you shouldn’t miss out on that just because you disagree. One day she might not be there to disagree with,” he said.  
  
Sandy didn’t know what to say. Finally, he pulled Ryan into a one-armed hug. “Oh, kid, you’re not old enough to be that wise, you know that? I’m supposed to be the grown up.”  
  
“Does that mean I can ground you?” Ryan asked, a smile flickering on his face.  
  
“Not a chance,” Sandy replied.  
  
Ryan seemed to relax slightly.  
  
“I am sorry. Is there another way that I could possibly make it up to you?”  
  
Ryan glanced at him before putting his hands on the counter again. “You could, um, let me take Summer home later. And not yell at me if I’m late.”  
  
“Extended curfew on a school night, that’s a big request,” Sandy smiled. “But I think you’ve earned it. Midnight, at the latest. No drinking, no fighting, yada yada, got it?”  
  
“Thanks. Oh, and can I ask for something else?” Ryan asked, standing up slowly.  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
“Can you ask Kirsten to come home?” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I wouldn’t mind the Nana being around if it didn’t make you guys fight so much.”  
  
He hurried out of the kitchen before Sandy could respond.  
  


* * *


	31. Chapter 31

Ryan found Summer and Seth putting his things away when he walked away from Sandy. “Hey.”  
  
“Dude, I’m so sorry – Nana just flipped the script – ” Seth started.  
  
“It’s okay. Can you leave us alone a while? I need to talk to Summer,” Ryan said, glancing at Seth, but not wanting to talk to him.  
  
“Sure…but we’ll talk later, won’t we?” Seth asked.  
  
“Yeah, of course,” Ryan said, closing the door behind him when he left.  
  
“Are you mad at me?” Summer asked, closing one of his drawers.  
  
“No, why would I be mad? I just didn’t want to talk to Seth,” he said, letting her wrap her arms around him.  
  
“You’re okay now? Did you talk to Sandy?”  
  
“Enough to get my curfew extended tonight. I’d kind of like to fuck you until I can’t see straight, if that’s okay with you,” Ryan said.  
  
“Normally I’d agree, but I kind of promised some friends we’d hang out with them tonight…but we can fuck before we go, and after,” she said.  
  
He smiled, feeling better already. “I like it when you say ‘fuck’,” he said.  
  
She smacked him playfully. “Let’s get this room fixed…”  
  
“What friends, Summer?” he asked, his smile faltering as he surveyed the remaining mess.  
  
“Um, Anna and Zach, maybe?” she replied, avoiding his eyes as she filled the next drawer of his dresser.  
  
“Really,” he said, mildly surprised.  
  
“He likes her,” she said. “When you were gone for lunch, I sat with him and Luke and…he really likes her.”  
  
Ryan started making his bed. “That’s cool.”  
  
“Do you mind? Like, you know it’s not because I’m still into him – it’s because he asked me…and he said Anna turned him down for a solo date, she wants to double first…”  
  
“Why not Holly and Luke, then?”  
  
“He doesn’t want to get wasted,” Summer answered. “It’s a bad idea, isn’t it?”  
  
“No, no, it’s cool. Zach’s not a bad guy, I don’t mind. It’ll be fun, I guess. But can we make sure to have that before and after sex?” he asked her.  
  
She laughed, winking at him. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”  
  


* * *

  
  
“He asked for me to come home?” Kirsten asked, dropping her suitcase by the counter and pulling Sandy into a hug.  
  
God, she’d missed him. She made a mistake leaving because of a stupid argument. She should have been as strong as Ryan, but instead she’d tried to prove her point by giving the Nana the upper hand.  
  
“Yes. He said he could’ve dealt with the Nana if it meant we wouldn’t fight,” Sandy replied, kissing her.  
  
“Oh. What happened, Sandy?”  
  
“My mother decided to search Ryan’s room while he was at school. Ryan came home and found her, red-handed. He was on his way to god knows where before I stopped him. I gave him the car, told him to go to Summer’s. I kicked my mother out. I called her a cab and sent her away,” Sandy said.  
  
She sighed. “I’m so sorry for not being here.”  
  
“I’m sorry for not begging you to come home days ago,” Sandy said, squeezing her hand. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too, Sandy. And I love every part of you, even the part that loves your mother. But…”  
  
“I understand why you were upset and I’m sorry. Forgive me?”  
  
“Always,” she said, kissing him again.  
  
“Ew, parental mouth contact, let’s come back later,” Seth said, turning and leaving with Marissa.  
  
“Seth, wait, come back…what’s up?” Kirsten called.  
  
“I just wanted to see if you were home for good,” Seth said, returning after a moment alone.  
  
“Is Ryan with you?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“I think he’s out with Summer. I think he’s avoiding me,” Seth confessed.  
  
“Everything okay?” she asked.  
  
“I don’t know. I, kind of, believed that the Nana had changed her mind and tried to talk to him at school this morning. So, with her totally inappropriate search this afternoon, I don’t blame him for avoiding me,” Seth replied.  
  
“I’m sure you’ll work it out,” Sandy said.  
  
”Yeah, I hope so. Soon. I miss him,” Seth admitted. “Me and Marissa are going upstairs to study.”  
  
“Door open,” Kirsten called, taking his wave as agreement.  
  
“What are we going to do?” Sandy asked. She sat down beside him at the counter.  
  
“We are going to apologize to Ryan in the morning. And after Seth goes to bed, we are going to have long overdue makeup sex in the Jacuzzi.”  
  
Sandy smiled at her, his worry lines fading instantly. “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”  
  
She leaned in for another kiss to seal their resolve. They’d put their family back together.  
  


* * *

  
  
Summer and Ryan made a mutual agreement to restrain themselves from making out in front of Zach and Anna.  
  
They went to an early movie, something with spaceships that Anna and Zach kept raving about.  
  
And when Summer glanced over after the opening credits rolled, she was surprised to find Anna’s lips attached to Zach’s.  
  
Ryan smiled at her, taking her hand.  
  
They’d had a nice, slow fuck in the shower before meeting their friends, so she actually managed to focus on the movie and Ryan’s warm arm around her.  
  
“All right, it’s nine-thirty, do you guys want to go for some coffee?” Ryan asked when the movie was over.  
  
“Yeah, sorry about…that,” Anna said, blushing in the streetlights.  
  
“Hey, both of you are both still fully dressed, that means it’s cool,” Ryan replied.  
  
They ended up at a small coffeehouse with a patio so they sat under the flickering stars and chatted amicably about the movie and Chip’s Taco Bell incident until it was past 11.  
  
Zach nudged her in the shoulder gently, nodding his chin toward the sidewalk. “Isn’t that Taylor?” he asked softly.  
  
Summer followed his gesture, surprised to recognize Taylor being supported by two burly men. Her head was slumped against one of their shoulders, her eyelids drooping as she staggered along with the two guys.  
  
“Ryan, look,” Summer said, catching his attention and pointing toward the sidewalk.  
  
“She looks wasted – she never gets that drunk,” Anna noticed.  
  
The men were laughing loudly and one of them reached over to jiggle her boob with his hand, Taylor’s head falling backwards slightly, slurring illegibly.  
  
“Something’s not right,” Ryan said. Summer watched as he got up, followed by Zach and hopped over the small fence to follow Taylor and her ‘friends’.  
  
Anna threw some money on the table and Summer impulsively took her hand as they hurried to catch up.  
  
She had her own feelings about Taylor Townsend, but she agreed with Ryan. Something wasn’t right.  
  
“Hey, hey, what are you doing?” Ryan was yelling when they caught up beside a Cadillac parked in the public lot.  
  
“None of your fucking business,” one of the guys replied, leaning Taylor’s slumped body against the trunk as he pulled out his keys.  
  
“That’s our friend, so it is our business,” Zach said, pushing himself up to his full height to intimidate the men. Summer was impressed.  
  
“She’s our friend, too,” the other man leered, throwing his arm around Taylor.  
  
She was clearly out of it, she hadn’t even acknowledged their arrival, her body almost limp. Summer had a really bad feeling about this.  
  
“I don’t know what’s going on, but she’s not going anywhere with you until she tells me that she wants to,” Ryan said, his voice steady. Authoritative. He took a step forward and she took a deep breath, squeezing Anna’s hand tightly to keep her close.  
  
“Who the fuck are you?” the guy growled, stepping forward, inches away from Ryan’s face.  
  
“Just let us talk to our friend and we can settle this,” Summer found herself saying shakily.  
  
“You want to come with us on our little ride?” the guy with Taylor grinned, lewdly thrusting his crotch at her.  
  
“Taylor,” Ryan said. Summer knew that tone in his voice. He was done playing.  
  
Summer saw Taylor’s eyelids flutter, but she didn’t seem to have the strength to look at him.  
  
“What did you do to her?” Anna whispered, pulling her hand free and charging toward Taylor and the guy.  
  
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion after that. Ryan punched the guy in the face, Anna kicked the other guy in the nuts and pulled Taylor free. Then the guy grabbed Anna by the hair and Summer found herself with an armload of Taylor. She watched Zach punch the man until he fell down beside the other guy that Ryan was presently kicking.  
  
Anna snapped her out of her trance, her hand rubbing her scalp with a wince.  
  
Taylor was drooling on Summer’s shoulder but she was just grateful to feel her hot breath against her shoulder.  
  
Ryan’s lip was bleeding and he was pulling Zach behind him when they left the jerks in the parking lot, ushering them quickly back to the car before pausing to check on Taylor on safe ground.  
  
“Something’s wrong, they must have slipped her something,” Summer said, lowering the now fully unconscious Taylor into Ryan’s arms.  
  
“Help me get her into the car, we’ll take her to the hospital,” Ryan said, his face drawn with worry. Zach immediately took the majority of the girl’s weight, seeming to sense the strain on Ryan’s healing shoulder and placing her in the car. Summer and Anna climbed in, making sure she was still breathing as they put her across their laps.  
  
“You think they put something in her drink?” Zach asked, turning around as Ryan started to drive, even putting his flashers on as he speeded down the street.  
  
“She smokes a little grass, but she doesn’t take serious drugs,” Anna said, visibly upset. “They had to,” she added.  
  
“Where’s the hospital from here, do I take…Vidalia?” Ryan asked blankly, stopped at a green lighted intersection.  
  
“Yes, left,” Summer said.  
  
“You think they hurt her?” Ryan asked after a long moment of silence. The tires shrieked as he made another turn.  
  
Summer examined Taylor’s clothes, pulling up her sleeves and seeing a few fresh bruises on her arms and wrists, but for all she knew that could be from their manhandling of her as they walked her down the street.  
  
“Summer?” Zach called from the front seat.  
  
She forced herself to peek under Taylor’s skirt. “She’s wearing underwear,” she said.  
  
“She’s sweating, something wrong,” Anna said, brushing Taylor’s damp hair off her forehead.  
  
“We’re almost there…” Ryan whispered.  
  
Summer reached up and patted Taylor’s cheek. “Oh, honey, wake up…”  
  
But Taylor didn’t say anything and she didn’t wake up.  
  


* * *

  
  
Sandy got to the phone first, hiding his yawn behind a hello.  
  
“Sandy?”  
  
“Ryan, hey, where are you?”  
  
“I’m at the hospital – like, I’m going to be late getting home.”  
  
“Are you hurt?” Sandy asked sitting up. Kirsten flipped on the lamp, blinking from the light but alert.  
  
“It’s not me, we were having coffee and we saw Taylor with these jerks, and she was out of it – really out of it, so we brought her to the hospital and they won’t let us see her…and we’re not leaving until we see her…”  
  
“Okay, calm down…you’re not hurt, what exactly happened to Taylor?” Sandy asked.  
  
“I’ll find her mother’s number,” Kirsten said, waiting for his nod before getting out of bed.  
  
“Uh, we think the guys slipped something in her drink. Taylor doesn’t do drugs, but she’s acting like she’s on something, she couldn’t keep her eyes open and she wouldn’t answer me,” Ryan said.  
  
“Did you call an ambulance?”  
  
“We brought her, we had to get those guys off her…so…I might have thrown a few punches – but we couldn’t let them take her,” Ryan said urgently.  
  
“All right, Ryan, who’s with you?”  
  
“Summer and Anna and Zach, we were just hanging out after the movie, Taylor, we just saw her…” Ryan replied. Sandy could hear his harsh intake of air as he took a deep breath.  
  
“Are you sure you’re all right?”  
  
“I’m okay,” he said finally.  
  
“What hospital?” Sandy asked.  
  
“HOAG, I think? Yeah, we’re in the ER waiting room,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Kirsten and I are on our way,” Sandy said.  
  
“You’re coming?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Of course, just wait for us and we’ll see what we can find out once we get there, did you call her mother?”  
  
“Nobody’s home at her house, I don’t know her mom’s number, but the hospital lady said they’d look her up…” Ryan replied. “And…thanks, for coming.”  
  
“We’ll be there soon,” Sandy said, hanging up.  
  
Kirsten was dressed. “Veronica’s phone is off, her mailbox is full. Says she’s on vacation in the Cayman’s,” she finished. “What happened?”  
  
“He didn’t think we’d come, he was just calling because he was going to be late,” Sandy said.  
  
“What? Sandy, honey, let’s go…it doesn’t matter why he called, it matters that he did call, let’s go,” Kirsten said, pulling him to his feet.  
  


* * *

  
  
Ryan was inhaling deeply off the cigarette he’d bummed from one of the people in the waiting room. He glimpsed Zach from the corner of his eye and waved him over. “Dude, thanks for that tonight, you took that guy down,” Ryan said, needing to thank him for the backup.  
  
“They had it coming, I mean, Taylor was messed up, and they were assholes,” Zach said. “Your shoulder okay?”  
  
“My physical therapist is going to yell at me, but it feels all right, better than my knuckles,” Ryan said with a shrug.  
  
“That’s what I came out here for, Anna scored us some ice,” Zach said, holding out an icepack.  
  
“Cool,” Ryan said.  
  
“I had fun, Ryan, before all this. Maybe we could do it again sometime. But Anna says she’s cool to solo now, so not for a while, okay?” he asked.  
  
“Sure,” Ryan laughed, glad that at least one good thing had happened tonight.  
  
“Did you call your parents? I mean, the Cohens?” Zach asked.  
  
”Yeah. Things are kind of weird at home so I thought I should,” Ryan answered.  
  
“You live with Seth, I’d think things would always be weird,” Zach smiled.  
  
“True.”  
  
“The reason I asked, is that, they’re parking over there,” Zach said.  
  
“Thanks,” Ryan replied, putting the cigarette out. Kirsten was with Sandy, she’d be sure to smell it on him.  
  
“Are you boys okay?” Kirsten asked, hurrying over to embrace Ryan.  
  
“Yeah, we’re fine,” Ryan said, shaking off her hug to save some semblance of masculinity in front of Zach. Kirsten pulled a tissue from her purse and wiped at the cut on his lip.  
  
“Taylor’s lucky you were there, let’s go see what we can find out,” Sandy said, patting Zach on the shoulder warmly and guiding them back into the hospital.  
  
“Summer was trying to get her father, he’s at work somewhere upstairs, to see if she can find out anything,” Zach said.  
  
"What about your arm?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"It's all right. Sore, but all right," he replied.  
  
Dr. Roberts was in the waiting room with the girls and Ryan went over immediately.  
  
"She's going to be okay," Summer said, taking his hand.  
  
"Neil, can you fill us in?" Sandy asked.  
  
"It seems that Taylor was drugged, her blood alcohol level is very low, maybe one or two drinks – nothing to explain her disorientation and lack of consciousness. They found GHB in her system."  
  
Ryan's anger resurfaced. Summer started rubbing his back and he loosened his tight hold on her hand. She was worried about him. He had to keep his cool. He took a deep breath.  
  
Neil continued. "She's a little bruised, on her arms and shoulders, but there's no sign that she was...'hurt' anywhere else," Neil said pointedly.  
  
"Thank god," Kirsten whispered.  
  
"Her mother is in Aspen. Can I speak to you for a moment?" Neil asked Sandy. They stepped away with Kirsten.  
  
"They're flushing her system, they say she'll wake up soon," Anna said.  
  
"I hope so," Summer whispered.  
  
He looked at her. "Do you mind if we stay until..."  
  
"Ryan, I'm not going anywhere until Taylor says, like, a complete sentence," Summer replied. "She might not be my favorite person in the world right now, but she doesn't deserve this."  
  
He nodded, pulled her close against him. She shivered in his arms and he knew that she'd been as scared as he had.  
  


* * *

  
  
Kirsten walked over to the cluster of kids, smiling at the way the boys were supporting their shaky girlfriends to hide their own stress.  
  
"What's up?" Ryan asked, worry flashing in his eyes.  
  
Kirsten couldn't believe what Neil had told them, but she knew that Newport parents weren't all interested in their children's lives. "Veronica, Taylor's mother isn't coming home from Aspen. Neil spoke with her and she asked him to take care of things for her."  
  
"Her mom doesn't even care?" Anna asked. "I mean, Taylor said she was a bitch – but..."  
  
"Neil's on call tonight so we're going to bring Taylor home with us when she's discharged," Kirsten finished, grateful to see the relief on Ryan's face.  
  
She glanced at Summer next, giving her a kind look. "Honey, you're welcome to stay, too since you're dad's stuck here, but I don't want you and Taylor fighting..." She hated that she had to bring it up, but she didn't want Summer's jealousy hurting the traumatized girl any further.  
  
Summer surprised her, though, nodding. "I'm not mad anymore, Kirsten, I mean, she needs friends, too and Ryan's her friend. It's nice of you to let her stay with you."  
  
"Mrs. Cohen, would you mind if I stayed, too? Taylor...she's one of my closest friends and I..." Anna started. "I want to make sure she's okay..."  
  
"As long as your parents say it's okay," Kirsten replied.  
  
"They're not in Cali," Anna replied. "It's fine."  
  
Zach glanced past Kirsten and quickly got up. "Those guys are here for me, I'll call you tomorrow to find out how she's doing," he said, kissing Anna and hurrying over to the entrance where several secret service men had just come in.  
  
Sandy appeared, putting his hand on Kirsten's back gently. "All right, kids. Taylor's awake. The cops are taking her statement now but she knows you're here. She doesn't remember anything about the men you saw her with, or you guys being there at all." He looked at Ryan, aware of Summer right beside him. "She wants to see you, Ryan."  
  
Kirsten was pleasantly surprised at Summer's support of Ryan as she rubbed his arm and whispered something in his ear before urging him forward.  
  
She liked Taylor with Ryan, but she couldn't deny that Summer was good for him, too.  
  
Sandy walked with Ryan from the waiting room.  
  
"Did Dr. Roberts say anything else?" Anna asked.  
  
"Nothing that I can think of, why?"  
  
"Are you sure she wasn't...raped?" Anna asked. "I mean, you guys aren't just lying to us, are you?"  
  
"No, honey," Kirsten promised, sitting down between the two girls. "She's fine. They said she'll probably have a bad headache, but the men didn't have a chance to take it any further."  
  
Anna finally seemed to relax slightly. "Okay."  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments before Summer leaned forward to look past Kirsten at Anna. "Zach totally kicked that guy's ass for touching you."  
  
Anna smiled. "Yeah."  
  
Kirsten kept her arms around the two girls' shoulders and thanked god again that everyone had come out relatively unscathed.  
  


* * *

  
  
Sandy kept his hand on the middle of Ryan's back, feeling the rippling tension of his foster son through his shirt.  
  
"If she doesn't remember, why are the cops taking so long?" Ryan asked.  
  
"They're just being thorough. They have the altercation in the parking lot on video from a security camera and they're going to want to take your statement later, tomorrow morning most likely, but they need to make sure she didn't go with them willingly...that she didn't take the drugs of her own free will," Sandy explained quietly.  
  
"She didn't. I know Taylor and...she wouldn't," Ryan replied.  
  
"Are you sure?" Sandy asked.  
  
"She smokes a little grass, but nothing else," Ryan said quietly.  
  
"You talked about that?"  
  
"There are always drugs around at the parties," Ryan whispered. "She said she tried coke a few times but she didn't like it and X makes her cracked out. She doesn't do drugs."  
  
Sandy hid his emotions, not reacting to Ryan's confession about the rampant drugs at Newport parties. He'd seen it at the adult parties but he'd hoped his kids weren't exposed to it. "You don't..."  
  
"No. Even if I wasn't on probation – I don't," Ryan said without hesitation. "I swear."  
  
"I believe you."  
  
An officer stepped out. "You can come in now, we're finishing up."  
  
Ryan immediately went into the room and Sandy saw Taylor's face light up with relief when he got to her side. He pulled her into a hug and she clung to him, her fingers clutching his shirt.  
  
"I'm so glad you're here," Taylor whispered.  
  
"You scared the shit out of me," Ryan said. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, holding her face in his hands.  
  
"I think so," she replied. "What happened?"  
  
The cops perked up. One of them glanced at Sandy. "We could take his statement now if he's willing."  
  
Ryan glanced back at Sandy and then at Taylor.  
  
"Tell me – I need to know – the last thing I remember is drinking a martini at the club..." Taylor said.  
  
Ryan glanced at the cops and sat down on the bed with Taylor, holding her hand tightly.  
  
"How do you know Ms. Townsend?" a cop asked.  
  
"We went out for a few weeks, we just broke up...a couple of weeks ago...," Ryan replied.  
  
"Why did you break up?" the other cop asked.  
  
"I slept with Anna," Taylor replied. "She's our friend."  
  
The cops hid their surprise better than Sandy.  
  
"We haven't talked much since...and tonight I was on a double date. We saw a movie and went out for coffee afterwards. It's warm so we were sitting on the patio and Summer, my date, she saw these guys walking with Taylor," Ryan explained. "She...she didn't even look awake, her feet were dragging and they were literally holding her up. Me and Zach, we went to investigate and..." he turned to Taylor, his eyes flashing with the memory. "You weren't answering us and you couldn't open your eyes...they had their hands on you and you didn't even react..."  
  
Taylor shook her head, overcome. "I don't remember."  
  
"I told the guys I wouldn't leave until you told me you wanted to go with them..." he turned back to the cops. "She was so out of it, and the guys, they were assholes. I tried to talk to them, and one guy stepped to me...and Anna – she went to get Taylor and the other guy went after her and Zach took him down."  
  
"What do you mean the guy 'stepped to you'?" the cop clarified.  
  
"He got in my face. And then we got into it. Once they were down, we got Taylor out of there, brought her to the hospital," Ryan said.  
  
The cops seemed to accept his story and Sandy was relieved when they stood up. "All right. If we have any more questions, we'll contact your dad here. We'll keep you informed of any developments."  
  
"You're coming home with us tonight, okay? And next time you go out alone, you have to let someone know," Ryan said to Taylor when the officers were gone. "Just because we're not dating anymore doesn't mean I don't care..."  
  
"I go out all the time...I just...I must've put my drink down...god, I'm so stupid," Taylor whispered.  
  
"You're not stupid...we're all just glad you're okay," Sandy said, patting her hand.  
  
"Thanks for letting me come home with you. I don't really want to go home to an empty house tonight," Taylor confessed.  
  
"I'm going to go check with the doctor and see when you'll be discharged. Do you want me to send the girls in?" Sandy offered.  
  
"Yes," Taylor nodded. "Thanks."  
  


* * *

  
  
Seth yawned, rubbing his eyes as he walked down the stairs.  
  
He didn't want to go to school today, but he looked forward to the time to talk to Ryan. There were only so many places he could hide at Harbor and Seth would have plenty of chances to corner him.  
  
"Hey, Cohen," Summer greeted him as he walked past the living room.  
  
Seth blinked. Twice.  
  
Summer was sitting at the end of the couch with Ryan asleep against her shoulder. Taylor and Anna were sleeping on the opposite couch, sharing a blanket.  
  
"What's going on?" Seth asked, confused.  
  
"We got in late. Taylor, she got in some trouble last night – not over chili fries this time either," Summer whispered. "Your parents let us stay."  
  
"Everyone okay?" Seth asked.  
  
"I think we're all physically intact," Summer replied. "But I really hope everyone's luck takes a turn for the better soon." She glanced over at Ryan who hadn't stirred.  
  
"How's he doing?" Seth asked, taking a chance that she'd answer him.  
  
"He needs some serious down time to decompress. But we have to get through, like, a whole 24 hours without a crisis to make that happen," Summer said.  
  
"Gotta have goals," Seth nodded. "Since I've probably had more sleep than all of you guys combined, I'll get on that. Marissa and I will see if we can't come up with a plan for an 'angst-free day' for everyone. You hold down the home base," he instructed.  
  
Summer rolled her eyes, but she smiled. "Whatever, Cohen. I'll believe that when I see it."  
  
"You'll see," Seth nodded, determined. He just needed a plan.  
  
He'd prove to Ryan that he was a good brother, that he was sorry about how he'd let the Nana manipulate him.  
  
Ryan seemed to be lousy at holding a grudge – he'd made friends with Luke after their initial dislike and he'd forgiven Summer and Zach and Taylor and Anna...  
  
Seth knew Ryan would eventually forgive him, too. But he wanted to make sure he earned it.  
  
He'd thought a lot about what his parents and Marissa had said to him about Ryan needing a friend more than he needed another 'chaperone' and he could see how he'd alienated Ryan.  
  
Ryan looked out for his friends. He didn't lecture them or tattle on them when they did things that he didn't approve of – he was just there to help them when they needed it.  
  
Seth could do that. He just had to work harder at filtering his paranoia.  
  
The whole Oliver thing had fucked with his judgment. He'd wanted to believe that Oliver wasn't after Marissa, that he was just a non-threatening friend, but he hadn't been.  
  
And he'd wanted to believe that Marissa didn't have a drinking problem, but that landed her in rehab.  
  
Ryan's single night of drinking had worried him, but he saw now that it was because he was on high alert.  
  
He still wasn't sure where the fine line was in Ryan's case, but he knew he'd overreacted.  
  
Seth would figure it out. He didn't give up easily.  
  


* * *


	32. Chapter 32

Kirsten gave Taylor a hug, letting her go home with Anna for the day. Seth had already left for school with Marissa while Ryan and Summer were asleep in the living room.  
  
She was glad she didn't have daughters. Even though Ryan's sexual experience bothered her, it was nothing compared to the fear and worry Taylor's almost-rape had inspired.  
  
She was so glad Ryan had been there – that he and Zach had faced down those boys.  
  
They were good kids and the girls had surrounded Taylor, smothering her with support while Ryan had watched over them, hovering without getting too close. He was protective but very aware of the trauma that Taylor had suffered. It was better because she didn't remember it, but it also made it scarier because she didn't know what happened in between.  
  
Ryan didn't relax until Summer curled up beside him and calmed him down just by her proximity. He finally fell asleep against her shoulder.  
  
Kirsten had stayed up with Sandy until all four were settled. She'd checked in on Seth before going to bed for a couple of hours. But she'd wanted to talk to Seth when he left for school so she'd made sure to get up before him and ask Rosa to make coffee and breakfast available to their many guests. Sandy was still sleeping.  
  
She heard a knock on the door and hurried to answer it before it woke up the kids. She was surprised to find Neil Roberts at the door, still in scrubs from work. She welcomed him inside.  
  
He caught sight of Ryan and Summer on the couch and asked her quietly, "Their backs are going to kill them later. Should they be in his room? They surely can't get in any trouble sleeping," he added.  
  
She was too stunned to argue and they woke Ryan and Summer gently, dispatching them to his room. She made sure to give the groggy boy a pointed glare that made him grin before walking out with Summer.  
  
Kirsten poured Neil a cup of coffee, pleased that he'd come by to check on Summer.  
  
"I went home and saw that Summer had stayed here, I'm glad," Neil said. "Taylor was very lucky the kids found her when they did."  
  
"I know, the world's just not as safe as it used to be," Kirsten replied.  
  
"I didn't find out about that boy killing himself until weeks after the fact," he confessed. "I had damaged my relationship with my daughter so badly that she didn't even think I would care that she witnessed something like that."  
  
Kirsten started to say something, but stopped herself. Neil obviously just needed to talk.  
  
"We haven't been close in a long time. Even before I decided to run for office, she would stay out late, come home drunk, reeking of reefer...bringing boys home and not even trying to hide it...and I just ignored it, thinking she'd grow out of it. And when she started messing with Ryan, that's when I finally decided to put my foot down, it was like the climax of her rebellion. At least that's what I thought," he added, holding up a finger to keep her from interrupting. "But I was wrong. Zach's a good boy, but Summer was still drinking and partying when she was dating him. But she's like an entirely different girl now that she's back with Ryan. It's like, I trust that he'll take care of her."  
  
"Believe me, she does wonders for him, too. He is a good kid, Neil," Kirsten said. "They both are."  
  
"I know. But with what happened with Oliver and now this...I don't want to be a parent like Veronica Townsend. I want her to be able to come to me, I'm still her father. I forgot that for a little while. I just needed to see her," Neil admitted.  
  
"You're doing your best. Sandy and I can barely keep track of our boys between the two of us, I can't imagine how hard it is for you all by yourself," Kirsten said. "And even though we're supposed to be the grown ups, we still make mistakes."  
  
Neil nodded.  
  
Sandy appeared, yawning in his bathrobe. He greeted Neil with a handshake and waited for Kirsten to pour him coffee.  
  
She glared at him and smiled, pleased when he got it himself.  
  
"I wanted to thank you both for letting Summer stay last night. And for looking out for her hen I was...being an awful father."  
  
"I think that prize is still up for debate," Sandy replied. "I've got a lot of apologizing to do in the next couple of days. Our kids have been through enough drama lately. They need a break."  
  
"I'd like one of those, too," Neil chuckled.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan woke up before Summer, kissing her softly to try and rouse her, and getting an unintelligible grumble in return. He tucked the blanket around her and smiled as she burrowed into the warm spot he'd left in the bed and settled against the now unshared pillow.  
  
He showered, finally feeling the daze from the previous night's adrenaline wash away with the hot water and changed into jeans and a wife beater, leaving the door slightly cracked and going into the kitchen. It was dusk. He'd slept all day.  
  
"Hey," Sandy greeted him, walking in from the patio. "We were wondering when you'd join us. How're you feeling?"  
  
Ryan shrugged, testing his shoulder without wincing. "All right, I guess. Taylor go home?"  
  
"She's at Anna's. She's going to go be with her mom, she wants you to call her in the morning," Sandy said.  
  
"Is her mom mad? She says her mom's...not nice," Ryan edited his thought.  
  
"Hopefully Taylor wouldn't go if her mom was angry," Sandy replied. "Her mother thinks she might need some time away to collect her thoughts."  
  
Ryan would have to talk to Taylor to get the real story.  
  
"You've had a rough few weeks. But you always seem to be in the right place at the right time. Taylor is so lucky you and Zach were there."  
  
"No lecture about rushing in without thinking?" Ryan asked hesitantly.  
  
"Kid, you've done everything we've asked of you. I cannot be angry at you for doing the right thing. I will never be angry at you for that," Sandy said honestly. "But I really hope you're not running some sort of security agency on the side – because this is, what, you're third rescue attempt since getting to Newport? One of these days, you are going to have to try and be a normal teenager and not a superhero."  
  
"Don't worry. I'm not shopping for tights any time soon. I'm hoping to lay low a while," Ryan replied.  
  
"I need to apologize to you. I knew my mother made you uncomfortable and I let that go on too long before stepping in. I know we talked about it, but I need you to understand that I didn't let her come here to make you impress her, I let her come here because I wanted her to make an effort to ask for your forgiveness. The way she treated you – it was wrong and she was here because I wanted her to make it up to you, not the other way around. Do you understand?" Sandy asked.  
  
"I guess," Ryan replied quietly. He didn't want to talk about the Nana anymore. He just wanted to forget it.  
  
"You don't have to prove anything to me, Ryan. Nothing anyone says can change the way I feel about you. I need that to be clear. I need to know that you and I are going to be okay," Sandy said.  
  
"Yeah," Ryan said. He could tell Sandy needed to hear more before he'd believe him. "I'm still getting used to being here, being a part of your family. You guys deal with things differently than my family did. And you talk about everything...I'm just not used to it." He shrugged. "All those times you said stuff, like you wanted me to call if I needed you...I never really believed it. I've just never had an offer like that. But last night – I called, and you came and you took care of things, you guys even helped Taylor. And that means a lot to me. I'm still figuring out the way this Cohen stuff works."  
  
Sandy seemed satisfied, if slightly stunned at his amount of words.  
  
"I'm starving," Ryan said.  
  
"Oh, of course, our dinner, your lunch, is on the patio, I grilled," Sandy said.  
  
"Thanks. I'm glad it's Friday, it is still Friday, right?" Ryan asked, hesitating.  
  
"Yes," Sandy smiled.  
  


* * *

  
Seth took a deep breath and squeezed Marissa's hand for luck.  
  
Ryan and Summer were sharing the recliner and a box of cereal. They glanced up, startled at being caught snacking so ungracefully.  
  
"Okay, so guys – it's Friday night and while I can see you've got an exciting night started already, but I was hoping you would join me for an official angst-free night," Seth announced.  
  
"Angst-free?" Ryan asked, raising an eyebrow doubtfully.  
  
"Officially," Marissa confirmed.  
  
"It's been approved by the parents and all steps have been taken to ensure your comfort and relaxation," Seth said.  
  
"Are you selling me a time-share or what?" Ryan asked, amused.  
  
"You had a crappy vacation and an even crappier week. It's my job to be your friend and I have personally planned a night guaranteed to be at least 95% angst-free," Seth nodded. "So, are you in?"  
  
Summer was looking at Marissa for hints but Marissa was simply nodding.  
  
"All right, Seth. What's the plan?"  
  
"Meet me here in, say, an hour. And pack a bag, just in case you, um, need it," Seth added.  
  
That really got Ryan's curiosity. Summer was already climbing off him. "Let's get moving," she said, pulling him to his feet.  
  
Seth had to call in a lot of favors, but it was worth it. He was sure that he'd done enough research to get a good night planned.  
  
His grandfather had helped the most, especially by bankrolling the entire night and getting Seth's parents to go along with it. But they all knew how stressed Ryan was, the insomnia being one of the bigger issues. They'd approved and added their own touches to the night.  
  
Ryan and Summer appeared, freshly showered and looking presentable except for Ryan's shirt being on inside out and Summer's twisted bra strap.  
  
"Okay, let's go," Seth said, putting his arm around Marissa and leading the way onto the porch.  
  
"Whoa," Ryan murmured when he saw the limo. "Seth..."  
  
"To maximize our comfort and minimize our mechanical angst – we will be chauffeured around," Seth said, stepping aside so Ryan and Summer could get into the limo first.  
  
"This is...outrageous," Ryan said, stunned. The seats were more like sofas and there was champagne & sparkling apple cider for Marissa chilling in the center console.  
  
Seth and Marissa got in and the limo started.  
  
"You did all this," Ryan stated.  
  
"I had some...consultants," Seth said. "And there's beer in the fridge – all approved by the consultants. And we're not going back to Mom and Dad's tonight. Grandpa is conveniently out of town and he has asked for us to housesit," Seth added.  
  
"Oh, really," Summer smiled, pouring herself a glass of champagne. "Is that where we're going?"  
  
"No," Seth said. "In addition to the lack of angst, there is fun planned. Our first stop has been specially selected and reserved and in order to eliminate possible angry strangers – it has been filled by people specially selected to not be angry."  
  
The limo rolled to a stop and Ryan rolled the window down. "A bowling alley?"  
  
"Yes. With an arcade and pool tables and stylish bowling shoes," Seth said.  
  
Ryan smiled and Seth finally felt like he'd made progress. "This is awesome."  
  
Seth kissed Marissa when they walked inside. Most everyone Seth had called had shown up. The guys from Ryan's work and their wives and girlfriends, Luke, Holly, Chip and Anna and Zach. Nobody seemed to have been able to turn now a free night at the bowling alley.  
  
Seth lost track of him for a while, caught up in a tense game of ping pong with Zach but when he'd finally prevailed, he found Ryan shooting pool with a small crowd of onlookers. He was more relaxed than Seth had seen him in days.  
  
Summer appeared beside him, putting her hand on his arm and standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "This is good. Ryan's having a good time, and there's zero angst, I didn’t think you could do it," she said.  
  
"Me either. But I had to try."  
  
"What's next?" Summer asked. "We heard they have a bachelor's party starting at midnight."  
  
Seth smiled. "Well. There's a meteor shower tonight and I happen to know that Ryan likes space stuff. But it's not supposed to start until 2 am. So...we're going somewhere that we can watch a movie and still see the meteor shower."  
  
"Where?" Summer asked, confused.  
  
"You'll see." Seth said. "Trust me. No angst."  
  
Summer snorted.  
  
The crowd cheered as Ryan cleared the table, beating his opponent and bowing in thanks.  
  


* * *

  
Summer was impressed at Seth's master plan. He'd pulled out all the stops and Summer couldn't imagine how much this had all cost.  
  
After saying good night to most of the people at the bowling alley, the limo had taken them, along with a few additions, to a private beach where a screen and projector had been set up. She was amused to find the movie of the night as Die Hard, but Ryan seemed happy and she enjoyed his warm body around hers in the small tent that was set up for them. They didn't have much alone time, though because Luke, Zach, Chip and Seth put their tents up around theirs and began hooting with testosterone at the explosions and gunfire.  
  
But she had to give it to Seth – Ryan was definitely chilling out impressively. He was joking and smiling.  
  
Once the movie was over, the assistants running the projector cleaned up and they settled down on the beach to watch the meteor shower.  
  
Summer fell asleep early on, waking up on the way back to Caleb's settled across Ryan's lap. He was talking to Seth and for the first time in days, there was no tension. Marissa smiled at her from her spot next to Seth.  
  
Seth told them as they got out of the limo that he was staying with Marissa in the east wing guest room and Ryan and Summer were in charge of the west wing.  
  
She winked at Seth and pulled Ryan into the house, having already consulted with Marissa at the bowling alley as to where the first place she could have sex with Ryan would be.  
  
Seth may have eliminated the angst from the night, but she knew Ryan's favorite way to have fun. She found the appropriate looking room and turned around to face him, kissing him impulsively.  
  
"Did you have a good time tonight?" Summer asked.  
  
"Yeah, I really did," Ryan replied.  
  
She cupped his crotch with her hand, enjoying his hardening cock through his jeans. She backed into the room, massaging him and kissing his mouth.  
  
He kicked the door closed and she waited for the click of the lock before pulling away from his delicious mouth. She got on her knees, pulling off her shirt and bra and letting her breasts swing free.  
  
"I've wanted to do this all night," she said, unzipping his pants and freeing his cock from their cotton prison. "Aw, did you miss me?" she smiled, kissing the head of his leaking dick and massaging his balls.  
  
"Summer..." he groaned.  
  
"I want to clean your pipes before we have a nice...long...fuck..." she said, deep-throating him between every word.  
  
She wanted to suck him dry – she wanted whatever residual angst to come out of him so she could pay him back for all that he'd done for her.  
  
He was chanting her name and clenching his fists, fighting not to buck into her throat and she was finally rewarded with his shudder and grunt before filling her mouth.  
  
She looked up at him as she swallowed, rubbing her breasts.  
  
Ryan's eyes were clouded with lust. "Fuck – you're so dirty," he whispered, pulling her off her knees. He kissed her neck and her breasts, sucking on her nipples while he started massaging her clit with his fingers. "I want you so bad..."  
  
He guided her to the bed, kissing her despite the aftertaste of his cum, never stopping his assault on her pussy with his fingers.  
  
She couldn't fight her arousal and she bucked her hips when he got his third finger inside. "Oh, fuck me, you've got to fuck me right now..."  
  
"I'm not one to argue with a lady as hot as you," Ryan said, continuing to fuck her with his fingers as he readied a condom for his rapidly returning erection. She was glad he was up to the task but she couldn't stop herself from riding his fingers in an attempt to attain her rising climax.  
  
He finally pushed inside her, holding himself over her and kissing her deeply as he started his rhythm.  
  
He felt her getting close and started pumping into her faster until she bit down on his shoulder to muffle her cry of orgasm.  
  
He held himself inside her, kissing her quiet as her pussy clenched around his still stiff cock.  
  
"I'd like to do that again," she said, rolling him over and starting to ride him from above, giving him a rest.  
  
She loved kissing him almost as much as she loved fucking him and she held his hands over her breasts and set her goals.  
  
When they came together, Summer felt like the universe was finally shifting back into the correct orbit.  
  
He kissed her until she fell asleep against him, wondering if all the shooting stars she'd wished on tonight had actually come true.  
  


* * *


	33. Chapter 33

Sandy was pleased when Ryan and Seth both were home before 9 the next morning. But he was even more pleased to see Ryan looking more like his old self. He'd spent many hours with Kirsten talking about how Ryan had managed to tie himself up in knots over the Nana and his girlfriends and school and it was a relief to see him relaxed.  
  
Seth had done something right it seemed.  
  
"Thanks, for the night off," Ryan said, when Seth had gone upstairs.  
  
"You're welcome. Looks like it worked a little," Sandy said.  
  
"It was remarkably angst-free," Ryan said, sitting down beside him.  
  
"I am so glad to hear that," Sandy said, patting him fondly. "I hope you'll have a lot more nights like that."  
  
"Me, too."  
  
"What are you doing tonight?" Sandy asked.  
  
Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. There's some movie that Anna, Zach and Seth want to see so we'll probably veg out in the poolhouse."  
  
"What about Summer?" Sandy asked.  
  
"She'll be here. She's...she's great. I don't think I've ever liked someone as much as I like her," Ryan said. "It's kind of scary."  
  
"Scary?"  
  
"Yeah. I mean...stuff like this doesn't last. But I'm going to enjoy it while it does," Ryan added.  
  
"You guys have already gone through a lot to be together. Relationships take work and I think both of you have shown that you're willing to work things out," Sandy said.  
  
"You're not going to tell me that I'm asking for heartbreak?" Ryan smiled.  
  
"I see the way you two are around each other. I think there's always going to be something between you, it's just a matter of timing sometimes," Sandy replied.  
  
"I'm meeting Chip in a couple of hours to help him with his math, I'll see you later," Ryan said, clapping him on the back before retreating to his room.  
  
Sandy thought things were finally looking up for his family.  
  


* * *

  
Marissa buried her face in her pillow, holding the other pillow over her head to try and drown out the sound of her mother's voice arguing on the phone. She should have stayed at Seth's until the lights were off at her mom's.  
  
She hated this. She hated living here with her bitch of a mother. She hated the men she saw sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, some of them boys she recognized from school. It was after 11 on a Sunday and her mom was still yelling.  
  
Her mother was a slut.  
  
The signs had been in front of her all these years but she'd ignored it, accepting that her mom and dad loved each other and that she was imagining the rest.  
  
Her body ached with the need for a drink – something to quell the emotions that were spinning around in her head.  
  
She couldn't live with her father, he was up to his ears in legal bills and she knew that Kirsten and Sandy were paying the rent on his one bedroom apartment.  
  
Kaitlyn was shipped off to her grandparents and at times like this, she wished she'd gone too.  
  
The doorbell rang but Marissa figured it was another of her mom's boy toys and she didn't move from her position.  
  
"Hey," Seth's voice broke through her cocoon and his hands were warm on her back. He pulled the pillow off her head and kissed her cheek.  
  
She wrapped her arms around him, clinging to him as the tears she'd been fighting started to fall. "I can't do this..."  
  
"Shh..."  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked after a moment. "It's late..."  
  
"I heard your mom yelling when I was taking out the trash," Seth confessed. "Thought you might want to come home with me. Rosa makes waffles on Mondays."  
  
"What about your parents?"  
  
"We'll clear it with them. But you can't stay here tonight, I can see that much," Seth said, his brown eyes kind. "So...can I take you away?"  
  
She nodded, getting up. She grabbed her backpack for school and filled another bag with clothes and followed him from the room.  
  
Her mom didn't even glance at them from the living room where she was still pacing and yelling.  
  
Seth walked beside her up the path, his arm around her thin waist.  
  
Kirsten was still up and Marissa gave her a weak smile, the best she could manage.  
  
The woman seemed to sense her instability and hugged her gently, smoothing down her hair. "You okay, honey?"  
  
Marissa shook her head, managing to hold her tears back.  
  
"Can she stay here tonight, Mom? Mrs. Cooper's bargaining in stereo over there and Marissa's not going to be able to sleep with that going on."  
  
"If you stay in Seth's room, I want the door left open. No funny business, you have school tomorrow. And you're welcome to the guest room or the couch," Kirsten offered. She looked at Marissa. "You'll always have a place to stay here, but since you're dating Seth, I have to draw some lines about sharing a bed, okay?"  
  
"Mom," Seth shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"Ryan's not the only kid around here that needs lecturing," Kirsten smiled, lightening the mood.  
  
"We'll leave the door open," Seth said.  
  
"I'll see you in the morning," Kirsten said. She glanced at Marissa again and lowered her voice. "Do you want me to speak to your mother?"  
  
"No, it's okay. I just want to go to bed," Marissa replied. She didn't want Kirsten to talk to her mom, it would only make her mad at Marissa for bringing outside people into their family problems. Marissa's Mom hated Kirsten for her long past relationship with Jimmy and her attempts to help Jimmy out of his financial issues.  
  
She was grateful to Seth for coming for her and when they got to the top of the stairs, she kissed him.  
  
"What was that for?" Seth asked, smiling.  
  
"You're turning out to be a really great boyfriend, even though you got off to a bumpy start," Marissa said, taking his hand.  
  


* * *

  
Sophie waited impatiently, tapping her foot under the table in the diner. She was certain she’d found the correct Dawn Atwood. The first step was getting her here.  
  
She’d already left Seth a message asking him to bring Ryan to the diner, using a fake voice and pretending to be one of Caleb Nichol’s assistants. She hadn't gone back to New York. Cohens didn't give up that easily and she still had work to do.  
  
It was underhanded, but she needed this to work. She needed to be right about this. She’d put everything on the line - her relationship with her son and grandson – she needed them to see that she was only trying to protect them.  
  
She needed this to work.  
  
She noticed the woman as soon as she’d stepped into the diner because the waitress stopped her at the door, scolding her for smoking a cigarette inside. Even Sophie knew that smoking was prohibited in California buildings. The woman dropped the cigarette in the floor and stepped on it defiantly before continuing in.  
  
“Mrs. Atwood?” Sophie called, taking a chance. She was startled by the woman when she approached. She was visibly intoxicated – she was definitely on something – and she was painfully thin. Her hair was stringy and unwashed and her face was sprinkled with scabs from some kind of acne.  
  
She suddenly had a bad feeling about this.  
  
“Yeah. You the chick that called? What do you want?” Dawn asked, eyeing her suspiciously. “You look a little old to be a cop. And I don’t do chicks, not unless you can pay double.”  
  
Sophie hoped she managed to hide her disgust. “That’s not why I called you here.” Dawn wasn’t even denying being a prostitute. And any prostitute that would proposition her had to be hurting for work.  
  
This wasn’t what she expected.  
  
“Whaddya want?” Dawn slurred, sitting down at the table.  
  
“I wanted to talk to you about your son.”  
  
“Good for nothing bastard…been calling me from jail since he got in there, trying to get me to send him money and shit. Lazy bastard,” Dawn hissed.  
  
“I was actually speaking about Ryan. He’s your youngest son, correct?” Sophie asked.  
  
“Who the fuck are you? Ryan doesn’t live with me anymore. He’s shacked up with some family down in Newport, probably finding ways to ruin their lives, too,” Dawn muttered.  
  
Sophie hesitated, genuinely stricken by Dawn’s blasé attitude. “How did he ruin your life?”  
  
“Costing me money, always asking for shit, eating all the damn time. That lawyer taking him was the best thing ever happened to me. Still wish I could’ve got some money out of him. I bet he regrets it now, taking on that little shit,” Dawn muttered.  
  
Sophie was shaking her head, stunned. She barely registered the door to the diner opening.  
  
“Nana? What are you doing here?” Seth asked, pale when he approached the table.  
  
“What the fuck is this? You piss off those rich people already, come crawling back to your Ma?” Dawn snapped, her eyes dull with anger.  
  
“Mom,” Ryan stated. He turned around and walked out of the diner. It only took a moment before Dawn followed him.  
  
Sophie realized with a rush of regret just how badly she’d fucked up.  
  
“You were supposed to leave. You were supposed to leave us alone. Ryan’s not supposed to see his mom, not without Mom or Dad around – you don’t have any idea what you’re doing, you come in here and ruin our lives, you come here intending to hurt Ryan more and it’s bullshit, Nana. You’re just…evil. Nothing you ever do will make me forgive you for doing this,” Seth said, dialing his phone with his free hand. “Dad? Remember how me and Ryan were supposed to meet Grandpa after school? It wasn’t grandpa…the Nana’s here and so is Ryan’s mom…”  
  
Sophie glanced outside where Ryan and Dawn were talking animatedly in the parking lot. She was holding his arm tightly and she could tell that it was not a happy conversation.  
  
Had she forgotten everything about working with kids? Had she been retired so long that she couldn’t see when a kid was genuinely trying? Did she really believe that Sandy and Seth could be wrong about this boy?  
  
Seth shoved his phone at her, frowning.  
  
“Mom?”  
  
“I’m sorry…”  
  
“Where is Ryan right now? Please don’t tell me you left him alone with her…”  
  
“He’s outside, we can see him through the window,” Sophie replied quietly.  
  
“Is her boyfriend with her?” Sandy asked.  
  
“She came alone, as far as I know…” Sophie replied.  
  
“Please give the phone back to Seth.”  
  
“Can we talk – please?” Sophie asked.  
  
“No. We can’t. Give the phone back to Seth,” Sandy said flatly.  
  
Ryan reappeared inside the diner, ignoring Sophie and turning to Seth. “Let’s go, Seth. Now.”  
  
“Okay,” Seth said, putting the phone back to his ear. “We’re leaving now, we’ll be home soon.”  
  
Then Sophie saw it. The swelling bruise on Ryan’s arm, the harsh ovals on his skin where his mom had buried her fingers. She'd almost broken the skin, she'd almost made him bleed.  
  
“Let’s go, Seth,” Ryan repeated.  
  
Seth glared at her a final time and followed Ryan out of the diner.  
  
She watched them walk away. She'd never seen Ryan hunch his shoulders like that. She'd never made a mistake this bad before.  
  


* * *

  
"Can you stop at the 7-11?" Ryan asked,  
  
"Yeah, I will," Seth answered, glancing at him. "And..."  
  
"I'm okay."  
  
"What did she say to you? Because you don't look okay," Seth replied, turning into the store's parking lot.  
  
"My mom's a whore," Ryan replied. "In lots of different ways. She's a fucking bitch and it really pisses me off that I just got blindsided by her. She's doing meth, she's been doing it a while from the looks of it and I just – this fucking sucks, Seth. It sucks." He climbed out of the car before he could respond and steadied himself, walking into the store and buying a drink and a pack of cigarettes before walking out of the store,  
  
He packed the cigarettes against his open palm and forced himself not to look at the bruises left by his fucked up mother. He'd never seen her that strung out before. But it had been a while since he'd seen her at all.  
  
Fucking Nana. Fucking Dawn. Fuck.  
  
He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply despite his unprepared lungs.  
  
He saw Seth watching him from the car and made his way back to him, getting back in the car.  
  
"I'm okay. Sorry about that," Ryan said, closing the door.  
  
Seth rolled the window down when he started the car. "You don't have to apologize. You listen to me all the time and as long as you don't mind that I have no idea what to say that will help, you can always talk to me."  
  
"I don't want to talk."  
  
"Okay," Seth said. Ryan knew that even though Seth was looking forward at the road as he was driving, he was still watching him. “What can I do?”  
  
“You already called your dad so it doesn’t matter,” Ryan replied.  
  
“You’re mad I called Dad?” Seth asked.  
  
“No, I’m not. I’m not mad at you or him, I’m mad at Mom and your Grandma. I just don’t think I’m going to be ready to walk into the lecture he’s going to be getting ready to give me,” Ryan replied.  
  
Seth didn’t say anything. “I can take you somewhere else first. Keep him off your back a while,” he offered.  
  
Ryan considered it. “Thanks. But that’ll probably make him more worried.”  
  
“You know why I called him, don’t you?” Seth asked quietly.  
  
“Yeah. If I’d been thinking clearer, I’d probably have told you to call him,” Ryan replied.  
  
Seth relaxed a little. “I’m really sorry. For what the Nana did…”  
  
“It wasn’t your fault. I don’t think you’d have brought me if you knew it was her,” Ryan replied. “I just really, really did not want to see my mom like that.”  
  
Seth pulled into the driveway. “But you knew…”  
  
“I knew. But seeing her…and knowing that there’s nothing I can do to help her, that she doesn’t even want help…knowing that she thinks what she’s doing is all right…” Ryan whispered. “And it’s like, she’s going to crash and burn again and there’s nothing I can do…”  
  
“Let’s go inside. I know you're upset about your mom, but nothing that happened today was your fault and you haven't earned a lecture. But, honestly, I don't want you to be around your mom because of how she makes you feel...but I don't know what to say to help you because I don't want to make you mad. I don't like your mom and I don't want to incriminate myself by saying what I think of her."  
  
"Believe me, you can't say anything about my mom that hasn't been said before. But I get what you're saying and I appreciate it. Let's go inside," Ryan said, getting out of the car and stomping his cigarette out in the driveway and kicking the butt under the car.  
  
"Where have you been? I thought you were meeting Dad but he showed up here an hour ago saying you didn't show up for work after school," Kirsten said, pulling Ryan into a hug as soon as he walked in the door.  
  
"Seth got a call from someone that said they were Caleb's new assistant. It was the Nana," Ryan said.  
  
Kirsten released him before hugging Seth after he closed the door. "The Nana?"  
  
"And Ryan's mom," Seth said. Ryan was grateful that he'd said it so he didn't have to.  
  
"What?" Kirsten asked.  
  
Ryan unscrewed the top on his water and took a fresh gulp.  
  
Kirsten saw his arm and gently turned his wrist to examine the bruises.  
  
"I'm okay," he said before she could ask.  
  
"What the hell happened?" she asked, more worried that angry.  
  
"We didn't really ask. I told off the Nana while Ryan...chatted with his mom."  
  
Caleb had appeared, putting his hand on Ryan's shoulder firmly. "Come sit. I'm sure Sandy's on the way and he should probably hear this, too."  
  
Ryan followed Caleb into the living room and sat down on the end of the couch with one leg folded underneath him. It would hopefully keep him from bouncing it anxiously.  
  
He heard Kirsten's low voice from the hallway. "Is he okay?"  
  
Seth's whisper made him feel better immediately. "You should ask him that. I've got that 'brother code' thing all figured out and I can't comment on that."  
  
Caleb raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you okay, son?"  
  
"Yeah. I am."  
  


* * *

  
Caleb was glad that Sandy came home shortly after Ryan and Seth arrived. He'd been worried when Ryan had missed work and he was glad he followed his gut and went to Kirsten's to check on them.  
  
Ryan said he was okay, but they could all see the way he'd shut down emotionally after his run-in with his Dawn.  
  
When Sandy got there, Seth said something quietly to Ryan and disappeared upstairs.  
  
Caleb looked at him, asking the question with his eyes.  
  
"He's giving me space, probably doesn't want to hear it again," Ryan shrugged. "It's cool."  
  
"What happened today? Seth told me that you got a message to meet Caleb in a restaurant," Sandy asked gently. Caleb figured Sandy knew the basics but wanted to hear it from Ryan's mouth.  
  
"We should have known something was up when the directions took us outside of Newport. But Caleb goes through secretaries like water so we didn't doubt it. When we got there, your mom was sitting with Dawn," Ryan said.  
  
Caleb didn't miss his avoidance of calling Dawn his mother. Ryan had always tiptoed around the subject and rarely spoke of her as 'mom'.  
  
Sandy was stricken.  
  
"What were they doing?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"I don't know. I just...walked out. She looked...she's messed up. Worse...worse than I thought. And then she came after me, to talk. To bitch," Ryan said quietly. "She runs hot and cold. She was bitching about me not sending her money and then bitching at me because she thought I ambushed her," Ryan continued. "Said she didn't want me back, that she was finally enjoying her life after all this time...and I just...walked away again. Told Seth we had to go. I didn't say anything to the Nana."  
  
The more he talked, the less animated his face became. He was slowly putting up more walls to hide what he was really feeling.  
  
Caleb was pleased when Kirsten moved over beside him and pulled him into a hug. Ryan struggled for a moment but eventually relaxed and even placed his arms around her after a few minutes. He closed his eyes.  
  
"Do you want us to try and get your mother help?" Kirsten asked softly, not releasing him.  
  
Ryan took a deep breath and shook off her embrace, leaning back against the couch. "I don't want you to waste your time and money on a lost cause," he said. "She's...she's never stayed clean. She just goes from one vice to the next. Drinking's constant, but she's doing meth and she's...she's not going to stop doing it until she dies or gets arrested. Needles, hooking – she's just playing Russian roulette in her own way."  
  
Kirsten didn't move and Ryan took another shuddering breath, rubbing his eyes. "Honey..."  
  
"Don't," Ryan whispered. "I...I just wasn't ready. I didn't expect her to be...that bad. Probably just sealed Mrs. Cohen's opinion of me right there."  
  
"The Nana is so way out of line here, Ryan, I don't want you to even spare her another thought," Kirsten said.  
  
"It was just hard to see her. I wasn't prepared for it. I've tried to forget about it, forget about her. I shouldn't worry about her because she's obviously not worrying about me...I don't want to see her. I hate saying this, but I really don't think I ever want to see her again...not like that, not until she's clean..." Ryan whispered.  
  
Caleb excused himself as Kirsten started speaking quietly to him, holding his hand despite his tension.  
  
Caleb had something to do. He had to talk to a Nana about a boy.  
  


* * *

  
"Hey," Summer smiled. She had missed him. She had missed kissing him. They needed to schedule more kissing time into their school day.  
  
"Mm..." he mumbled into her mouth.  
  
She tell right away that something was bothering him. "Want to talk about it?"  
  
"Not really. At least...not right now."  
  
"My dad's working tonight. Can you stay?"  
  
"I don't know. Would your dad care?"  
  
She rubbed his arms, leading him to the bed. "He likes you. He said he trusts me with you. He doesn't care."  
  
"Can you drive me to school tomorrow?" Ryan asked, sitting down. She kneeled on the bed behind him and gently began rubbing his shoulders, careful around his nearly healed wound.  
  
"Yeah, of course."  
  
Ryan was slowly relaxing from her massaging, his head leaning back slightly from the relief. "You always make me feel better," he murmured.  
  
She knew the feeling.  
  
"I saw my mom today. Jacked up on meth," Ryan said. "Spun me a little. The Nana tricked me and Seth."  
  
Summer forced herself not to show her anger. The Nana. "I'll go call Kirsten and ask her if you can stay."  
  
"I'll do it. I don't want you walking into that trap," he said.  
  
"I'll be right back," Summer said when he pulled out his phone.  
  
"Will you...stay?" Ryan asked after a moment.  
  
Summer had never heard his voice sound quite like that before. She nodded, putting her arms around him from behind and leaning her head on his shoulder.  
  
He didn't say much to Kirsten and she had a feeling he'd used up most of his words on the Cohens before coming over. He had permission quicker that she expected with promises of sleep and phone calls. After a long moment of silence, he held the phone out to her.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Summer. Take care of him. It seems like he gets more rest with you and he really needs it. It's special circumstances that we're allowing this on a school night."  
  
"I understand. I'll make sure he gets some sleep. Thanks," Summer added, hanging up. "What do you want to do? Watch a movie? Want me to make you a...hot pocket?" she offered.  
  
"Do you mind if we just...don't do anything?" Ryan asked.  
  
"That actually sounds nice. I'm going to change into something more comfortable – and not dirty – and then we can cuddle as long as you want."  
  
Ryan snorted, smiling for the first time tonight. "Please don't call it that. I just need some...quiet time."  
  
"Can I cuddle?" she teased.  
  
"Maybe we can work something out," Ryan said, leaning into her kiss.  
  
She could be Ryan's girlfriend, she could do this. It was so different from her time with Zach. Ryan knew about all the skeletons in her closet and he still loved her. She didn't have to pretend with him.  
  
If he needed quiet, she would be quiet with him.  
  


* * *

  
Seth watched enviously as Summer pressed Ryan against the wall outside the gym, kissing him deeply.  
  
He wasn't envious of Summer, but of the way she managed to drain all the stress out of Ryan with just a kiss. She connected with him and he opened himself up to her.  
  
He'd been trying to help Marissa, but she seemed to get more withdrawn every day. He found her crying at least once a day.  
  
Julie Cooper was ruining her daughter one day at a time and Seth couldn't do anything about it.  
  
Seth knew that Ryan struggled with what his mother chose to do with her life but he'd internalized it and had years of holding it in but Marissa was only a few months out of a breakdown and to have Julie exploring her sexpot, gold-digging tendencies weren't helping Marissa's recovery.  
  
She smiled at him, though, when she finally came out of the school and Seth leaned in for a kiss, trying to lift her spirits and earning another shaky smile.  
  
"I was thinking," Seth started carefully, "That before we go to the mall, we could hit up one of those afternoon meetings." Summer had mentioned the AA meetings to him before lunch and how Marissa seemed to benefit from going, but didn't seem to want to go on her own. Seth wanted to help her and it seemed like a step in the right direction. He wanted to love Marissa and her addiction was a part of her, if he was committed to her, he had to learn how to help her deal with it.  
  
"You...you'd go with me?" she hesitated.  
  
"If you want. Or I could wait in the car. Whatever makes you happy. But...I wanted to lay the offer on the table," Seth said.  
  
"Okay. I haven't been in a few days, it'll be good for me to go," Marissa said after a moment.  
  
Ryan and Summer approached, their lips slightly swollen and their faces flushed. "We're off to Luke's so Ryan can meet Chip to study," Summer said.  
  
"I'll call you later," Marissa said, hugging her friend.  
  
Seth slapped hands with Ryan in farewell, glad to see his friend looking steadier.  
  
Summer seemed to have Ryan under control so now all Seth had to do was get Marissa back to an even keel.  
  
He needed his girlfriend and new brother at their best in order to start planning for Chrismukkah.


	34. Chapter 34

Sophie didn’t know who to expect when the knock came on her hotel room’s door. She hoped it was Sandy, hell, even Kirsten, so she could apologize and start repairing the huge mistake she’d made.  
  
She definitely didn’t expect Caleb Nichol.  
  
“Hello, Sophie. I think we should talk. Have a grandparent conference, as it may be,” Caleb said, walking in without letting her invite him. “You’ve been busy.”  
  
“Caleb. I know I’ve made a huge error in judgment…”  
  
“To put it nicely. Ryan’s a great kid, he’s fighting to break out of the life his biological parents cursed him to live and you’ve managed to make him doubt everything Kirsten and Sandy have worked months to prove to him.”  
  
Sophie’s face was burning red with embarrassment and guilt. “I’m sorry…”  
  
“I had doubts about him, too, but I trust my daughter’s judgment and Sandy’s too. They would never bring a kid into Seth’s life that would be dangerous to him. Can’t you see how good Ryan’s been for their family? Are you too jaded to see how much Seth has changed, how much Sandy and Kirsten have changed?”  
  
“I know I made a mistake, I just need a chance to fix it…” she said when he paused.  
  
“Why should they give you another chance when you never gave Ryan one? His mother…she doesn’t deserve him. She is not supposed to see him because she hurts him – she lets others hurt him. Its taken months to convince him that we want what’s best for him; that we care about him more than charity. He’s a member of our family, he’s a member of yours whether you like it or not.”  
  
She didn’t say anything, realizing that he was being generous even meeting with her. It was clear how much the man cared about Ryan.  
  
“He came home from your little ambush looking like he was going to throw up. He grew up with his Mom, he knows what she does for a living, he knows that she cares more about getting high than she cares what happens to him – but you wanted to shove his face in it. His mom left him and until Sandy talked to him – he was going to live on the streets rather than take what he considered charity. He’s smart as hell, he’s protective and caring and a great kid and you went out of your way to remind him that he’s worthless to his own mother.”  
  
“I know I was wrong. I’m sorry…” she whispered. God, she thought Cohens were all about the guilt…  
  
“You know what he told Sandy after he had to ask you to leave? He said that he should make things right with you because you were his mother. He thinks that he didn’t work hard enough to impress you, that he was a disappointment to him. He thinks Sandy brought you here so he could work harder to prove to you that he was a good kid. Ryan knows how much Sandy and Seth love you and he doesn’t want to be the cause of the rift between you. He told Sandy to make up with you because there might not always be a chance to make up. Ryan knows there’s nothing he can do to please his mother, to help his mother…he’s 16 and I bet he wakes up every day expecting to get a call that his mother’s dead. It’s not fair that you’re judging him without even trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.”  
  
“Tell me what I have to do to make it right. I want to know my grandson. I’ll do anything to fix this. I worked with kids like him my entire career, believe me, I understand how huge a misstep I’ve made and I will do anything to have a relationship with him again. Even if Sandy and Seth never forgive me…I owe him an apology, a real one,” Sophie said.  
  
Caleb was appraising her with his eyes.  
  
“I mean it. I know Kirsten thinks I’m a cold bitch, but I don’t mean to be. I just take my family very seriously and don’t want them to be hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing for them…but I only did the opposite,” Sophie replied.  
  
“It’s ultimately up to Ryan to forgive you. Every time you’ve promised to apologize, you’ve done the opposite. I will not let you hurt him again,” Caleb replied.  
  


* * *

  
“Chrismukkah,” Ryan repeated.  
  
Seth beamed. “Sounds so good when you say it.”  
  
“So…that’s what you guys do for the holidays? Chrismukkah?” Ryan asked, looking to Sandy and Kirsten for confirmation. It sounded too crazy to be house-wide, but they only smiled and nodded.  
  
“We wanted Seth to have the best of both religions so he came up with Chrismukkah.”  
  
“It’s the best holiday ever. Eight days of presents followed by one day of many presents,” Seth grinned.  
  
“Um…I don’t really ‘do’ holidays,” Ryan replied. All of the Christmases in his memory ended…badly. And even with all the good stuff that had happened to him lately, he really didn’t want to have to deal with Christmas angst, too. “Can I take a raincheck?”  
  
He glanced at Seth and was disappointed to see him with an expression much like losing a puppy. “Raincheck? No. There are no rainchecks for Chrismukkah.”  
  
“Honey, you’re a member of the family now and this is the way our family celebrates…” Kirsten said carefully.  
  
“Did your family have any traditions you’d like us to add to Seth’s extravaganza?” Sandy asked.  
  
He shrugged. “Drinking’s not allowed, so that eliminates anything I can think of,” he muttered. “I don’t want to interfere in Seth’s ‘extravaganza’, so I’ll just sit it out,” he added. “If that’s okay.”  
  
“It’s not okay – you live here now, you’re my brother and that means you’re going to learn the power of Chrismukkah. You can’t just decide to sit out – it’s Chrismukkah!” Seth protested.  
  
Ryan shrugged. He really wasn’t looking forward to it if this was going to last…nine days. Seth’s enthusiasm was already wearing thin. “I was thinking I could, maybe, borrow the car and go see Trey on Christmas. I hate thinking of him spending the day alone when all the other people will have visitors,” he admitted. “That way, I wouldn’t mess up your family’s day.”  
  
Sandy cleared his throat. “Ryan, if you want to visit your brother, you know that’s fine, and we’ll make time for it. But you’re our family, too and it won’t be complete if you’re ‘sitting out’. Are you going to give us a chance to change your mind about the holidays?”  
  
Ryan saw then that Kirsten was trying to hide her glistening eyes. He’d upset her.  
  
He tried honesty, but that only seemed to upset them. “You aren’t really giving me much choice, are you? I’ll do whatever you tell me to do,” he replied.  
  
“Don’t sound too enthusiastic, you might hurt yourself,” Seth said.  
  
“I guess we should have brought this up to you before December showed up,” Kirsten said. “Chrismukkah’s a big thing around here.”  
  
“And I plan on getting the house appropriately decorated to bring the whole neighborhood joy this weekend. Come on, man...will you at least keep an open mind?" Seth asked, giving him his highest level of 'begging' eyes.  
  
"What exactly is involved in a Chrismukkah?" Ryan asked.  
  
Seth smiled widely. "Awesomeness. It's made of awesome, Ryan."  
  


* * *

  
"What's on your mind?" Ryan murmured in her ear.  
  
She was watching Marissa across the room with Seth. Something was going on with her best friend. She looked fine, but she wasn't.  
  
Summer didn't think she was drinking, and she hadn't been throwing up her lunches or anything...but she was off.  
  
Seth was laughing and explaining something with wild hand gestures and lots of smiles and Marissa seemed to be listening, but Summer knew her too well. "Something's up with Coop."  
  
"Marissa? Seth says she's down. Her Mom's really stressing her out," Ryan replied, his arms warm around her waist. She was sitting on his lap on Luke's comfy couch.  
  
"I'm worried about her," she said. "What the hell is Seth over there babbling about anyways?"  
  
"Chrismukkah," Ryan said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's Seth's imaginary holiday. Combination of Hanukkah and Christmas. He's been talking about it all day. I have to help him put up decorations tomorrow."  
  
She focused on him. "Like, a tree?"  
  
"And poinsettias and lights and wreaths...he has a list...it's insane," he said. His eyes were smoldering like they did when he was brooding. It made her horny, but interested, too.  
  
"Bah humbug?" she asked.  
  
He shrugged. "Christmas...wasn't really ever fun for me. Mom and Dad or whoever she was banging at the time would get drunk, start a fight. Sometimes Trey would start it, bitching about how we never got anything that didn't come out of a Salvation Army store...and all I wanted was not to get my ass kicked, but that's usually what Santa brought to the Atwood's," he said quietly.  
  
"Do you really think Chrismukkah's going to end up like that?" Summer asked.  
  
"I know nothing of this Chrismukkah you speak of," Ryan joked, feigning ignorance. She smacked him gently and he smiled.  
  
His smiles made her stomach flip.  
  
"I don't know. It means a lot to Seth and Sandy and Kirsten want me to celebrate. But...it's still weird for me to take stuff from them. I don't want it to be – I'm really trying not to fixate on it, but it's hard for me to accept something and not instinctively add up what it's worth. Does that make sense? Nothing's...nothing's free. Everything has a cost. And I'm running up a major bill with the Cohens..."  
  
She shook her head. "It's like you constantly find something new to brood about. I think Seth has the right idea – you need a full infusion of the Christmas spirit..." she started.  
  
"Chrismukkah," Seth corrected as he walked past them with Marissa toward the patio.  
  
"Chrismukkah," she said, turning around so she was straddling him in the newly deserted den. "The Cohens love you...I love you...and you've been given the gift of a new start which means new beginnings – new holidays. You've had bad Christmases before, but you said yourself, you've never had a Chrismukkah. A new holiday for your new start."  
  
She felt his cock harden against her thigh through their jeans. "Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. And I think we should start our very own tradition for our first holiday together," Summer said, looking into his eyes and kissing his soft lips.  
  
"What's that?" Ryan asked, huskily between kisses.  
  
God, his tongue made her so fucking hot. She was distracted by his hands on her ass and trying to catch her breath and still have his mouth on hers.  
  
"I think...mmm....we should have sex in a different place for each day of Chrismukkah..." Summer gasped.  
  
Ryan laughed softly, but she felt his Chrismukkah spirit as she grinded on his lap.  
  
"What do you think?" she asked, pulling away for the sake of air.  
  
"I think it should be Chrismukkah every day," Ryan said, his eyes dull with lust.  
  
"That's what I like to hear!" Seth announced from the back door. He took another step in and lowered his voice. "And everybody's watching you guys through the window, maybe you should move the dry-humping to somewhere more private."  
  
Ryan blushed red but Summer had her wits about her. She held onto his hand and pulled him off the couch. "Thanks, Seth."  
  
Ryan paused in the hallway toward the bedrooms in the beach house. "Seth?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Merry Chrismukkah."  
  
Summer could worry about Marissa later. She wasn’t drinking and Seth was with her. Ryan had her attention.  
  
She pushed him against the wall of the first room they came to and slammed the door with her foot.  
  
"Déjà vu," Ryan laughed.  
  
"Naked – Now," she said, peeling off her clothes as fast as her fingers would go.  
  


* * *

  
Summer really liked being on top. And as much as Ryan liked to control the rhythm, he couldn’t deny that it got him fucking hot when she pushed him against the bed with her tiny hands and climbed him like a McDonald’s Playland.  
  
He lay down on the pristinely-made bed but his eyes were locked on Summer’s perfect body approaching. Her nipples were hard and she had a predatory glint in her eyes as she seductively stalked the bed.  
  
His dick was dripping and she smiled, staring at it. He gripped it in his hand and gave it a couple of brisk strokes. That was all it took to get him fully hard and she leaned over, cupping his balls and licking his cock from base to head.  
  
He bit his lip to keep from groaning too loudly. She snickered, teasing him with her licks but not taking him in her mouth.  
  
“Is it Chrismukkah today? Like, when does it start?” she asked coyly, pulling a condom from somewhere and stunning him by putting it in her mouth. She lowered her head to his lap and pushed the rubber on with her mouth. She looked up at him with mischievous eyes and took him deep.  
  
He couldn’t hide his groan this time. She threw her head back and promptly climbed on the bed and lifted his hands and put them on her breasts before sliding his cock into her slick cunt. “I asked you a question.”  
  
“Sorry, I was distracted,” he replied. He still wasn’t doing well with the whole ‘focus’ thing. He let go of her tits for a moment and put his hands on her hips and used all his strength to fuck her from below until her head started to fall backwards.  
  
That was the spot.  
  
“Were we talking?” she panted after a few more minutes of riding him. She had her hand pressed across his abs, keeping him from bucking into her so she could grind herself in circles and make him squirm with restraint.  
  
“We can talk later,” Ryan replied. “Kiss me.”  
  
She seemed surprised but obeyed, leaning forward to kiss him. She tasted like latex and lust and he took advantage of her distraction and put his hands on her hips again and began pistoning her on and off of his cock.  
  
She went wild, crying out around his tongue and putting both hands in his hair to hold her mouth against his.  
  


* * *

  
“Are you okay?” Seth asked, studying Marissa’s face.  
  
“Why do you keep asking me?”  
  
“Because I don’t believe it when you say you are. You act like you’re okay, but you don’t…you don’t feel like it,” Seth replied.  
  
She pulled the sheet up over her bare breasts. “You’re making too big a deal out of things. Just because I’m an alcoholic and my mom’s a whore and my dad’s a criminal – it doesn’t mean I’m made of glass.”  
  
Seth stared at her. “That’s not funny.”  
  
She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.  
  
“Marissa…”  
  
“Tell me more about Chrismukkah. That cheers me up,” she said, putting an arm around him and pulling him close.  
  
“I’d rather you tell me something that will make me stop worrying. Sex is great and all, but you’re more important to me than sex…” Seth said when she tried to kiss him.  
  
Marissa’s face seemed to stutter. Then she burst into tears and buried her face against his chest.  
  
He was getting entirely too much practice in comforting crying girls. He didn’t want her to cry anymore.  
  
“Just talk to me…I know I talk a lot, but I know how to listen, too…”  
  
“I know…but sometimes I don’t want to talk…I just like being with you, you make me feel better – I know I can talk to you if I need to…it’s one of the reasons I…I love you.”  
  
All thoughts of comfort went out of his head. After a few well-timed kisses, she stopped crying.  
  


* * *


	35. Chapter 35

“Ryan, can I talk to you?” Caleb asked, dreading the conversation. He wasn’t sure how he could convince Ryan to forgive the Nana when he didn’t believe it himself.  
  
And he didn’t want to pressure him, but he had made a deal with Sophie to try and get Ryan to give her another chance.  
  
“Sure. You want me to come back to work? ‘Cause I can totally deal with that considering how the house has been turned into Santa’s village,” Ryan muttered.  
  
“You’re the only kid I know that’s disappointed to be given time off for the holidays,” Caleb replied, smiling when he shrugged.  
  
“Yeah, well, gifts are more expensive in Newport,” he said finally. “What’s up?”  
  
Caleb felt like an evil old man with Ryan’s trusting blue eyes focused on him. He couldn’t believe he was doing this to him.  
  
“Caleb? What is it?” Ryan asked, nervously, sensing the tension.  
  
“I met with Sophie a few days ago.”  
  
“Oh,” Ryan realized, immediately shuttering himself behind his bangs.  
  
“I went to make sure she didn’t bother you again,” Caleb added.  
  
Ryan glanced at him. “You wouldn’t tell me if that’s all you went for. What does she want now?”  
  
“She wants to be a part of your life. Of her family’s life. She would really like to come and celebrate Chrismukkah with your family,” Caleb said. “She wants a truce.”  
  
Ryan didn’t react immediately.  
  
“Ryan, if you aren’t comfortable…”  
  
“She’s Sandy’s mom. If she wants to make up with Sandy and Seth, she can come – I don’t have the invitations or anything. I don’t want to be the reason she misses out on the holidays with her family,” Ryan said carefully. “I don’t want that responsibility.”  
  
“Sandy and Seth want you to be happy and comfortable…”  
  
“Caleb, seriously, what do you expect me to say? I don’t like her, she’s been nothing but openly suspicious and…rude to me. I don’t want to ever have to see her again, but I’m not going to be a dick about this. The Cohens – they love the holidays, they love the Nana – I don’t always have to like the same things they do. If she wants to come – let her come,” Ryan said, his eyes cold but his voice wavering.  
  
“Ryan, I don’t want you to feel pressure…” Caleb started.  
  
“Whatever,” Ryan said, standing up. “You wouldn’t have asked me if you didn’t want to put pressure on me. Sandy and Kirsten have given me a key to my bedroom, I’ll lock it when she comes over and stay the hell out of her way. Believe me, having her here isn’t going to ruin my holidays.”  
  
“Wait, please, Ryan, don’t be angry,” Caleb said, following him back into the kitchen where Ryan was getting drinks.  
  
“I’m not angry,” he sighed, frustrated. “I’m just tired of having to be the peacemaker. I didn’t start this war, but I’m the one that has to fix it. I hate this. If the Nana coming for Chrismukkah will bring her back together with her family, then she should come. I’ve got to get back to the poolhouse.”  
  
Caleb sighed, watching him walk away.  
  
“The Nana’s coming for Chrismukkah?” Kirsten asked, walking in and giving him a wary glare. “Why on earth…”  
  
“It’s complicated,” Caleb sighed again.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan walked into the poolhouse looking more dazed than usual.  
  
"What's up, dude?" Seth asked.  
  
Marissa and Summer paused in their meticulous bow-tying and looked at him expectantly.  
  
"The Nana's coming over. For the candle thing," Ryan said, sitting down with a jingle on the couch.  
  
"What?" Summer and Marissa snapped before Seth could respond.  
  
"Why would you agree to that?" Seth asked.  
  
"She's your grandma. She's Sandy's Mom. There's no law saying she's got to like me. And she really loves you guys and she wants to spend Chrismukkah with you. You told me once that she never spent any holidays with you," Ryan replied. "It isn't my place to ask her to stay away if she wants to be here. As long as she...leaves me alone."  
  
"Did Dad ask you to do this?" Seth asked.  
  
"No. He doesn't know yet. Caleb says she wants to call a truce. She doesn't want to lose you and Sandy over this...and I don't want to have to go to some private meeting with the Nana and have an uncomfortable conversation that doesn't settle anything. I'd rather just let her come over and apologize to you guys and just...move on."  
  
"Are you sure? You're going to be miserable," Summer said, avoiding Seth's glance.  
  
He hadn't really considered that Ryan actually talked to Summer about things other than...being naked. But she clearly knew more about Ryan's feelings toward the Nana than he did.  
  
"If she keeps her word and, like, doesn't frisk me or hook me up to a polygraph – I'll be fine." Ryan looked at Seth. "You've loved your Nana for 16 years and you've only known me a few months. You can't just write her off over one little difference of opinion. Don't put that guilt on me, I think I've got enough of my own."  
  
Seth didn't know what to say. He saw why Ryan didn't talk that much. His words were heavier than Seth could handle.  
  
"Look," Ryan sighed. "You want me to have a good Chrismukkah – as angst-free as possible. I want that for you, too, and for Sandy. If doing this will help him make peace with his mom, then it's the right thing."  
  
"All right," Seth started.  
  
"If you don't want her to come, you let Caleb know," Ryan said.  
  
The girls were watching them and he had to say something. He opened his mouth and waited for the words to come. He never thought he'd hope to channel his father, but he needed his Dad's words right now. "As long as it's your decision. It sounds like to me that you're doing this because of Grandpa, or Dad. If Dad wanted to make peace with the Nana, he could do it on his own...and your feelings matter, too."  
  
"I appreciate that. But I gave my okay. And it's not like I'm buying her a present," Ryan added.  
  
"I hope not," Summer muttered. "But I can think of a few 'presents' I'd like to give her..."  
  
Marissa shoved her, cutting off her words.  
  
"All right. So, she's coming tonight?" Seth asked, thoughts spinning in his head faster than he could sort.  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
"Wait – we're not even coming tonight..." Summer protested.  
  
"That's probably a good thing," Seth said. "We can handle the Nana. And you guys are coming over after dinner with Jimmy, aren't you?"  
  
"If it's not too late," Marissa nodded. She'd told him how much she was looking forward to spending time with her Dad, but she'd asked Summer to come with her because she wasn't sure what to expect. She was shaky lately and Seth was glad she'd asked Summer in his absence.  
  
"Caleb and Hailey will be here for dinner so things should be cool," Ryan said, hesitating. "It means a lot that everybody's so worried but I think I can manage to be in the same room for the Nana for one night without losing my head."  
  
Marissa's phone rang and she disentangled herself from the ribbons and walked outside to answer it. Summer followed her after a moment, leaving him with Ryan.  
  
"Are you okay with this? I thought...I thought you'd be glad if the Nana and I made peace."  
  
"If you call truce, I'll stand by you. But what she did...it wasn't right. And none of it was your fault."  
  
"We need to go change, but we'll be back," Summer said, walking in and straddling Ryan on the couch without embarrassment. Her dark hair curtained both their faces as she pushed him back against the headrest.  
  
"You okay?" Seth asked Marissa standing up and giving her a PG-rated hug and kiss. He had a little tact, anyway, for Marissa's sake.  
  
"Yeah. It'll be nice. Have fun with the Nana, and we'll be here after," Marissa smiled. She turned and kicked Summer playfully. "Come on, Sum, before we get the hose out."  
  
"I'll see you later – to start our own Chrismukkah tradition, so be ready," Summer said, pushing herself off him and linking arms with Marissa on their way out.  
  
"You've got a Chrismukkah tradition?" Seth asked.  
  
"I'll tell you about it when you're older," Ryan smirked.  
  


* * *

  
“Kirsten what are you doing?”  
  
Ryan’s voice startled her from her perusal of the bread. “Baking.”  
  
“Are you supposed to be doing that?” he asked, smiling.  
  
“Ha ha. And Rosa said I could,” she added. “How are you?”  
  
“I’m okay. Seth’s excited and it’s…interesting.  
  
“Your first Chrismukkah. Our first Chrismukkah with the Nana,” she said.  
  
The silence hung between them longer than she’d anticipated and he finally sighed. “She’s his mom,” he said quietly.  
  
Kirsten impulsively reached out and pulled him into a hug. “You’re a good kid. Too good sometimes.”  
  
“Mom – you’re already hugging?” Seth asked, snapping a picture.  
  
Kirsten stifled a laugh at Ryan’s glare.  
  
“I didn’t commit to pictures,” Ryan said.  
  
“Pictures are an intrinsic part of Chrismukkah,” Kirsten said, taking the camera. Seth threw an arm around Ryan and grinned widely as she took a picture. Ryan’s glare intensified, but the camera also captured his hidden smile.  
  
Sandy chose that point to come in and get in on the impromptu photo shoot and she enjoyed the lighthearted banter and playful calm before the Nana.  
  
When the doorbell rang, Sandy and Seth both stiffened. Ryan casually took a picture of them before they could protest and moved the camera from the kitchen, placing it somewhere away from the food.  
  
“We’ll get it,” Seth said, walking with his Dad out of the room. “Make sure this ‘truce’ goes off smoothly.”  
  
Ryan walked behind the counter and pulled on the oven mitts, getting the rolls from the oven right on time.  
  
“Thank you,” she smiled, going to set the table.  
  
“Keeping Kirsten away from the food, I see – great job,” Hailey joked, walking in. “Merry Chrismukkah.”  
  
“Back at ya,” Ryan replied, accepting her hug.  
  
“The house certainly looks festive,” Hailey said, embracing her. “You ready for this?”  
  
“Yeah. We can’t always pick our families. Or I would have traded you out years ago,” she teased.  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Hailey scoffed.  
  
Her Dad walked in with a bag of gifts and Chrismukkah had officially begun. Seth was Caleb’s only grandson for a long time and he had always showered the boy with gifts around the holidays.  
  
But Sandy and Seth still hadn’t come into the dining room after they had all the food set out and she finally decided to find out for herself what was taking so long with the Nana.  
  
Sandy was sitting beside Sophie with Seth at his side and she was surprised to see tears on Sophie’s normally icy face.  
  
“Dinner’s ready,” Kirsten said, excusing herself quickly with a polite smile.  
  
She took the seat beside Ryan with Hailey on his other side. She was relieved when Sophie sat at the opposite end beside Kirsten’s father.  
  
Ryan seemed remarkably cool throughout dinner, not talking much but not being uncharacteristically quiet like she’d expected.  
  
Kirsten caught Sophie watching Ryan but he didn’t initiate any contact and was subdued. But Kirsten could tell she had made some kind of peace with Seth and Sandy at least.  
  
She wasn’t going to give the woman a true second chance without a little more proof. The Nana had hurt her son. Her new son, but her son nonetheless.  
  
Ryan and Hailey cleared the table, teasing each other under their breaths about being a ‘suck up’ while she made sure the gifts were all arranged.  
  
“Present time now or after we light the menorah?” Seth asked excitedly.  
  
Kirsten glanced back at Ryan, but he was still chatting with Hailey. “Ask your father,” she said decisively.  
  
Seth hurried into the den with the Nana and her Dad and after a moment, she rejoined them.  
  
On the first few nights of Chrismukkah, they each only opened one gift. The gifts were arranged under the tree but they wouldn’t find out who they were from until they opened them.  
  
Her favorite part of Chrismukkah was seeing her family’s reaction to their gifts.  
  
“Ryan, Aunt Hailey, come on!” Seth called anxiously.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan followed Hailey into the den, his calm façade faltering. The tree seemed smaller now due to the surplus of shiny gifts.  
  
Christmas had never been like this. And it wasn’t even Chrismukkah yet.  
  
The Nana was keeping her distance and while he knew he’d have to talk to her eventually, he was grateful for the peace. And for Sandy’s relaxed smile from his seat beside his mom.  
  
“About time, Ryan, come help me pass out the presents,” Seth urged giddily.  
  
“Light the menorah first,” Sandy said.  
  
“All right,” Seth said, waiting until Ryan sat down on the ottoman.  
  
“Nana, would you read the words?” Seth asked.  
  
Ryan relaxed slightly at Hailey and Kirsten’s uncomfortable smiles as Sophie recited the words for the lighting of the first candle. Seth seemed to know his cue and by the time she was done, the candle was lit and he was looking at his father expectantly.  
  
“All right,” Sandy said, hiding his grin.  
  
Seth put a brightly wrapped gift in his hands.  
  
“How’s this work?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Everybody gets a present and then we open them together, and since Grandpa and Aunt Hailey are here, we might get to open more than one,” Seth said, looking at his parents innocently.  
  
“I didn’t agree to that,” Sandy called.  
  
“Here’s one for Hailey, and one for Mom and one for Grandpa,” Seth began, passing him gifts to deliver.  
  
Once everyone had a present, Ryan looked to Seth for instruction. But the ripping of paper distracted him as the Cohens and Nichols tore into their gifts.  
  
Ryan followed suit and unwrapped the box in his lap and found an expensive black leather jacket. It was thin and light, but lined for warmth. He was in love immediately.  
  
“A new Ipod – awesome, it’s the kind that plays video,” Seth said, showing off his new gift.  
  
“Neat,” Ryan said, examining it as Seth admired his jacket.  
  
Ryan surveyed the room through his bangs. Caleb was pinning on new cufflinks; Kirsten was embracing Sandy while Hailey fastened a new necklace around her neck; Sophie was teary-eyed as she examined a framed picture.  
  
It was like a movie. One of the ones that ended ‘happily ever after’.  
  
The jacket alone was enough to make his whole holiday.  
  
They hadn’t even made a dent in the mountain of gifts.  
  
“You like Chrismukkah, don’t you?” Seth whispered, his eyes twinkling.  
  
“Maybe a little,” Ryan whispered back.  
  


* * *

  
Summer wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do in this situation. Marissa was paler and quieter than she’d ever seen her.  
  
But she guessed that your father telling you over dinner that he was going to be going to jail for six to ten years wasn’t exactly mood-lifting.  
  
It was one of the few times she was at a loss as to what to do for her friend.  
  
Jimmy continued to try and offer apologies, but Summer could see his words bouncing off Marissa.  
  
Summer knew she had to do something but outside of punching Jimmy Cooper in the eye for his ignorance, she couldn’t think of a thing.  
  
Marissa wasn’t even nodding from her father’s voice now, since he was explaining again how it was the only way to save her trust fund and he’d be out as soon as his lawyer worked out a deal.  
  
Summer pulled her phone out under the table and texted Ryan to see if they were done with the Nana yet. She wanted to take Marissa somewhere safe, somewhere she wouldn’t look like…this.  
  
She didn’t get a response right away, but Marissa’s phone rang a few moments later. Her face lit up when she saw the display. “I’m sorry, Dad, but Summer and I need to go. I’ll…I’ll call you tomorrow,” Marissa said, clutching her purse and phone and bolting from the restaurant.  
  
Summer stood up slowly.  
  
“Summer? You…you’ll look after her, won’t you?” Jimmy asked.  
  
She nodded. He didn’t have to ask, she’d always take care of Marissa. “Um…don’t drop the soap? I don’t really know how to wish you good luck…so…take care of yourself, Mr. Cooper,” she added, leaving to find her friend.  
  
Marissa had crumpled in the few moments she’d been outside, her phone crushed against her ear as she spilled her news to Seth.  
  
Summer put her arm around her and guided her to the car.  
  
Marissa closed the phone before she started the engine, swiping at her face with her hand. “Sum, can you…can you take me to the store?”  
  
“Why?” Summer asked, looking at her.  
  
“I…I need a drink…just something to pull myself together…” Marissa choked out.  
  
“I’m sorry, Coop. I can’t. But I can take you to Seth. Seth will make you feel better,” Summer offered.  
  
Marissa nodded solemnly.  
  
Summer hurt for Marissa. She didn’t want to imagine what the Newpsies would say about this latest development and she didn’t want Marissa to have to suffer through another gossip-fest. Especially when she didn’t do anything wrong.  
  
Summer’s phone rang and she answered it as she maneuvered out of the parking lot. “Yeah?”  
  
“Hey,” Ryan said. “Caleb and Hailey and the Nana are still here, just come around to the poolhouse. She okay?”  
  
“We’ll see you soon.”  
  
“When did you and Seth turn into babysitters for me? I remember when we used to have fun…” Marissa said after a beat.  
  
“We still have fun. I wouldn’t hang out with you otherwise,” Summer replied, taking her hand and not letting go.  
  


* * *

  
“Thank you for letting me be here for this, Sandy. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make up for my actions these past few weeks,” his mother said, finding him alone in the kitchen.  
  
She’d already apologized profusely when she first arrived and he’d given her the benefit of the doubt. To a point.  
  
He wasn’t sure how she’d convinced Ryan to invite her without talking to him, but things had gone smoothly so far and it was nice to have his mom here for the holidays. She had always nagged about their unique way of raising Seth religion-wise, but hopefully after seeing their blended holiday she’d understand that they were trying their best.  
  
“Sandy? I truly am sorry. I lost my head, I thought you were being scammed…I’m sorry it took as much as it did for me to realize how wrong I was,” she said when he didn’t respond right away.  
  
“Me, too. When I brought Ryan to meet you, I really thought that you guys would hit it off. You both have similar interests and he needs all the good role models he can get. And it makes me really sad that he’ll never be able to know the side of you that he can respect and look up to, he’ll always have your suspicion and accusations haunting him,” Sandy said. “And Mom, he’s not going anywhere. He’s permanent and we love him very much and don’t intend on losing him any time soon.”  
  
She nodded. “I know. I can see it – Chrismukkah…it’s really nice. You and Kirsten have done a great job with raising Seth and I should have known you wouldn’t put him in danger. And I hope…I hope that Ryan will give me another chance to be a part of his life.”  
  
“I will never ask him to do that,” Sandy said quietly. “It’s up to him. Just like your invitation tonight…he agreed to it because he thought it would make me happy. He doesn’t want me to be fighting with my mom if I don’t have to. But I will never ask him to mend the fences that you’ve ruined.”  
  
She studied him, clearly wanting to ask him to elaborate but not feeling like she’d earned it yet.  
  
“He thought I brought you to California because he’d disappointed me, that I wanted him to prove himself to you. And that was not the case. It’s taken time to convince Ryan that we love him and for him to doubt that…” he took a deep breath. “For him to doubt that made me wish I’d never introduced you at all. I’m proud of you Mom, you’re a great woman and I wanted you to get to know Ryan, a great kid. But having spent time building you up to him to have you decide he’s worthless, that he’s a criminal…it was like taking him to New York was the worst thing I could’ve done. Life was supposed to be better for him here, he wouldn’t be hurt or ignored or judged by his past mistakes…”  
  
“I’m so sorry, Sandy…” she whispered.  
  
“He was recovering from being shot. He still has nightmares about the boy that killed himself, both the boys do, and for you to do this to him right now? It hurts all of us,” Sandy finished. “That being said, I appreciate you holding your tongue tonight and making the effort to pretend like you’re still not expecting him to rob us blind.”  
  
“I don’t think that anymore. Please believe me. He’s a good kid, he takes care of Seth and if I had any doubt about your family, I don’t anymore. Kirsten’s a great mother and your sons, both of them, idolize you. I made a mistake, a huge stupid, ignorant mistake. But I see now, what you saw when you met him. I am so sorry for doubting your judgment and I hope that I live long enough to make amends with him, however I can,” his mother said.  
  
Ryan walked in, followed by Seth who was talking urgently to him about something, probably girl-related. They waved without stopping and headed outside, but it was only for a moment before Seth returned.  
  
“Dad? Can I talk to you about something?” Seth asked.  
  
“Of course, what’s up?” Sandy asked, knowing Seth wouldn’t say anything in front of the Nana if he didn’t want to.  
  
“Marissa’s dad told her tonight that he’s going to jail, and…I know he embezzled lots of money, but going to jail for 8-10 seems a little much…Ryan said that you probably know more about plea deals than he does…” Seth added, rolling his eyes a little.  
  
“Poor Jimmy,” Sandy tsked, but he had his own feelings about Jimmy’s predicament. “I’ll give him a call later and see if I can’t find out the details, if there’s anything I can do.”  
  
Seth hesitated. “Didn’t you try to help him already?”  
  
“He didn’t accept my offer, but I agree with you, 8-10 years is a long time to be in jail if he’s pleading out,” Sandy said. “How’s Marissa?”  
  
“She’s upset. She’ll be here soon, I’m going to try and talk to her. I just feel so helpless,” Seth sighed.  
  
The Nana smiled, patting Seth on the shoulders and giving him a careful hug. “You’re such a man now, taking care of your girlfriend and being mature – she’s lucky to have you, Sethela.”  
  
Seth smiled slightly. “Thanks, Nana. And thanks, Dad. We’ll be in the poolhouse.”  
  
Sandy’s mom turned to him once they were alone again, visibly impressed. “I never thought I’d see the day when a teenager actually talked to his parents without being forced.”  
  
“They know that nothing they tell me will change the way I feel about them. Even if they make decisions I don’t agree with, they’re still my kids and I love them,” Sandy replied. “They can always come to me if they need help and I hope they know that.”  
  
“Sandy, Are we out of Dad’s merlot?” Kirsten asked, interrupting them.  
  
“I’ll check,” he said, kissing her as he passed her in the foyer.  
  
Hopefully the guilt wouldn’t take his mother from him, but he wanted it to teach her a lesson at least.


	36. Chapter 36

Ryan opened his mouth to protest when Summer stepped in front of the TV and blocked his vision but she eliminated all chance of continuing the video game when she straddled him on the couch and put her arms around his neck and pulled him close for a kiss.  
  
“Merry Chrismukkah,” she said, letting him breathe after several long minutes.  
  
“You, too,” he asked, glancing across the room where Marissa was talking to Seth, her voice low and shaky.  
  
“You want to go inside, give them some space?” Summer asked.  
  
“Yeah,” Ryan said, flipping off the TV and giving Seth a wave.  
  
“We’ll be inside, Coop, just let us know if you need us,” Summer said, giving Marissa a hug before gripping his hand and walking with him out of the poolhouse. “So, did your night really go better than ours?”  
  
“It wasn’t bad. Better now,” he said.  
  
“You’re just waiting for me to tell you about your first Chrismukkah location,” Summer teased.  
  
“That’s true, too,” he smiled.  
  
But his good mood faltered when he saw the Nana standing in the kitchen doing the dishes.  
  
“What’s she still doing here?” Summer hissed.  
  
“Be nice, we called truce, remember?”  
  
“You may have called truce, but I sure as hell didn’t,” Summer replied.  
  
“Summer, please? Just ignore her, we’ll go to my room and I’ll resume my interrogation about our Chrismukkah plans,” Ryan said, lowering his voice as they reached the doors to the kitchen.  
  
Summer huffed, and glared at the Nana but didn’t say anything.  
  
“Ryan. Can I have a word with you?” she asked, making his stomach drop.  
  
“No, you cannot,” Summer answered, sucking in a breath to continue before he squeezed her hand.  
  
“Give me a minute, I’ll be in soon,” he said, giving her a look.  
  
Summer released his hand, glared at the Nana again before disappearing around the corner.  
  
He took a deep breath and turned to face the Nana.  
  
“I know you probably won’t believe me, but I am sorry for…for everything. For doubting your intentions and not giving you the benefit of the doubt. I should have trusted Sandy’s judgment, trusted my grandson’s judgment. I am so sorry if I hurt you,” she said.  
  
She was clearly waiting for him to respond but he didn’t really believe her after all that she’d done over the past few weeks. People didn’t just change their minds overnight.  
  
“I…I would like to get to know you, Ryan,” she started.  
  
“Can you excuse me? I have guests and I’m sure you’d like to spend some more time with your family tonight. I’ll be sure and tell Seth and Sandy that you apologized,” Ryan said, hoping that was all she wanted.  
  
“I’m not giving up on making things right between us,” she said.  
  
He met her gaze. “Sandy and Seth love you; they look up to you and really want you to love them as much as they love you. You don't have to do anything to make things right with me, I'm inconsequential in this whole thing – they're who you should be trying to prove things to, not me. I don't care if you like me or not, you're not the first person, family or otherwise, to hate my guts. I won't take it personal if you just leave me alone."  
  
"Ryan, I know I've made huge mistakes, but please don't shut me out, please. Everyone I've met has told me how forgiving you are – what a kind and sweet kid you are and I'm so sorry that it took me hurting you to see that," the Nana said.  
  
Caleb stepped into the kitchen and despite his best efforts, Ryan felt his tension level go up a notch.  
  
What the hell was he supposed to do? He had to forgive her, that's what everyone wanted, so why couldn't he?  
  
"Sophie. Let the boy go hang out with his girlfriend. It's Chrismukkah and we promised him low key and you're pushing way too hard after the way you acted. You wanted to spend Chrismukkah with your family and how Ryan chooses to feel is not your decision," Caleb said, walking over and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Summer's wearing a hole in your carpet, you should go check on her."  
  
"Have a nice night, Mrs. Cohen," Ryan said, giving Caleb a grateful glance and hurrying to his room.  
  
Summer met him in the hallway, her eyes narrow. "What did she say to you?"  
  
"She was fine, Summer, you don't have to chaperone me, I'm not going to hit an old lady," Ryan said, but he was still awed by his friends' protectiveness.  
  
"I will," she muttered, letting him put his arms around her.  
  
"Did you see my jacket?" Ryan asked, successfully distracting her and leading her into the bedroom.  
  


* * *

  
  
Seth tried to calm Marissa down in the poolhouse, but it was after midnight before she seemed steady enough for him to walk home.  
  
He loved her and he hated seeing her in so much pain, but it was wearing him out taking care of her.  
  
He couldn't help but envy Summer and Ryan's easy relationship – when it totally hadn't been easy at all.  
  
But Summer and Ryan seemed to understand each other and Seth was struggling to find a way to get through Marissa's thickening depression to find the girl he'd fallen in love with.  
  
He thought when she'd come back from rehab and forgiven him for cheating on her that he'd gotten her back.  
  
He hadn't gotten her back, though. She hadn't come back from the day she found him with Anna.  
  
He wondered if Oliver's gunshots had sealed their fate.  
  
"Come inside with me? It looks like Mom's still awake and I really don't want to talk to her right now," Marissa said shakily when they were in her driveway.  
  
Seth squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Of course, I was planning on it," he said, earning a smile that didn't reach her eyes.  
  
They walked inside, closing the door softly, but Julie was waiting for them with a martini in her hand.  
  
"Hello, Seth. Honey, I wanted to talk to you before you went to bed."  
  
For a moment, Seth thought that Julie was turning her campaign for 'worst mother of the year' around and was going to ask if Marissa was dealing with Jimmy's announcement.  
  
"What's up?" Marissa asked, no trace of instability in her voice. Seth wondered if people that didn't know her like he did even knew she was shaky.  
  
"You've had a really rough year and with all the days you've missed of school, your grades have slipped. I'm worried about you now that your father isn't going to be around."  
  
"I'm fine, and my grades are better now that I'm over what happened with Oliver," Marissa said. Seth wondered if she could possibly break his hand with her tiny fingers considering the force she was using.  
  
Julie didn't seem to hear her, or to care. "I've decided to enroll you in boarding school for the spring semester. You'll leave right before New Year's. Your therapist agrees that a change of scenery will do you a world of good."  
  
"What?" Seth asked. Boarding school? Like taking Marissa from her friends – from him – was the way to help her? Isolate her in a different school?  
  
"Mom, I...I'm not going to boarding school. I need to be here," Marissa said, pale.  
  
"You need to be away from the chaos your father has left behind. We have to sell the house and I don't want you here for the rape of your childhood home," Julie said, standing up from her perch on the stairs. "It's for the best."  
  
"Mom..." Marissa started.  
  
"Excuse me, I have guests, we'll talk more tomorrow, but the tuition's already paid and there's no room for discussion about Delaware," Julie said.  
  
"Delaware?" Marissa gasped.  
  
"You're sending her to Delaware?" Seth asked.  
  
"It's a very prestigious school that specializes in girls with...similar issues," Julie said. "Excuse me." And with that, she sashayed out of the room.  
  
"I...I don't want to go to Delaware," Marissa whispered, putting her arms around him and leaning her head against his chest.  
  
He wondered if anything would ever be normal again. He stroked her hair and tried to figure out how to tackle the next trial in his quest.  
  


* * *

  
  
Summer enjoyed the feel of Ryan's hands on her bare shoulders as he followed her, blindfolded, into the guest house behind her house.  
  
It hadn't been used for its real purpose in years, but the maids kept it ready and she'd brought lots of dates, well, fucks, here when she'd been going through her slut phase.  
  
Ryan had snapped her out of that by showing her what it was like to have a bona fide boyfriend that she actually loved. And god help her, she loved him.  
  
She hadn't brought Ryan here before tonight because she didn't want him to know how many guys she'd had sex with in the bed before him.  
  
Even though he knew about her past transgressions, and had a lengthy list of his own, it hadn't felt right.  
  
But when the Chrismukkah challenge popped up – eight days of hot sex – she knew she needed to make it special.  
  
"Are we there yet?" he asked, the scarf wrapped over his eyes not hiding the smile on his lips.  
  
"Stay there, don't move, okay?" she said, stepping away and closing the door to the bedroom and locking it.  
  
She couldn't wait to get him naked and inside her, but she had plans first. She stripped out of her clothes and glanced at herself in the mirror to make sure the black lace lingerie looked right on her – she'd never tried crotchless panties before but she had a feeling Ryan would like it.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked.  
  
"I'm undressing you," she replied, stepping over and running her hands over his hard abs as she pushed his shirt up and off. She took a moment to appreciate his chiseled chest and back, kissing the scars and nibbling on his nipples. He ran his hands down her arms and realized she was in lingerie and immediately tried to lower her bra straps before she stopped him. "Patience. I want to unwrap my present," she said, cupping his groin and squeezing his hardness.  
  
"Can I take this blindfold off?"  
  
"Not yet, keep it on," she smiled, unzipping his pants and waiting for him to kick them off before putting her hands on his shoulders and turning him so his back was to the bed. "Three steps back and sit down," she said.  
  
With his eyes covered, she had to look at his stiffening cock to know he was into it and when he sat down on the bed, she pushed him lightly so he'd lay down before getting the other scarves from the dresser.  
  
"Do you trust me?" she asked.  
  
"Are we having a deep talk now?" he groaned.  
  
She giggled, wrapping the silk cloth around one of his wrists and pulling it back to the headboard.  
  
He didn't pull away as she tied his wrist to the bedpost. She leaned over and kissed him, making sure he wasn't mad or turned off.  
  
"Okay?" she asked.  
  
He nodded and she loosely looped the other scarf around his other wrist before kissing him again.  
  
"Do I have to keep the blindfold on now?" he asked, his dick leaking.  
  
"You're no fun," she said, tracing her fingertips lightly down his shaft and massaging his balls. He bucked his hips with a groan when she wrapped her lips around the head of his cock.  
  
His fists were clenching the air but he wasn't straining at his bonds, the knots were loose enough that he could free himself if he wanted, but the sight of him helpless on the bed made her hornier than she'd imagined.  
  
She took him deep in her throat and he grunted with restraint, making her laugh around his dick before she raised her head and climbed off him.  
  
"Summer..." he whispered, desperate now.  
  
She walked over to his right side and sucked each of his fingers into her mouth before planting kisses down his arm and to his neck, finally kissing his lips, his tongue darting into her mouth as she tasted his desire.  
  
She pulled the blindfold off before she moved on top of him, rolling the condom on with one hand and holding his gaze.  
  
"You're beautiful – god, Summer, I want you..." he said huskily.  
  
"Merry Chrismukkah, Ryan," she said, raising up and taking his cock inside her slick pussy in a single motion that sent shockwaves through her body. She took a moment to pull off the bra and appreciate the way his dick seemed to pulse inside her from the image.  
  
She started riding him slowly, his cock fitting inside her like they were meant to fit together, and felt his heart pounding under her palm.  
  
She leaned over, their nipples smashed together when she kissed him, using her hands to untie him while she grinded his cock into her cunt.  
  
He immediately put his hands on her ass and began pushing into her forcefully and making her cry out as she lost control and felt her pussy spasming around him.  
  
It only took a moment for him to grunt his release and pull her against him.  
  
Nothing in her life had ever felt this right.  
  


* * *

  
  
Marissa hid in her room for two days after her mother's announcement.  
  
Delaware. What the hell was in Delaware?  
  
What the hell would she do in Delaware?  
  
It was like the nail in her coffin. In a lot of different ways.  
  
She wouldn't survive in Delaware. She couldn't.  
  
She wouldn't be surviving here if it weren't for Seth and Summer and her other friends.  
  
They were the glue holding her together. Without the glue – she'd be nothing but pieces of brain on the wall of a hotel room.  
  
She couldn't cry anymore. And she couldn't change her mother's mind.  
  
Her dad was gone.  
  
Seth was amazing – he was taking such good care of her, but every day that she broke down in front of him, the light in his eyes was a little dimmer. And Summer was more like a protective mother hen than the best friend that she used to have fun with. Marissa wanted to be okay so they wouldn't have to watch her like a china doll in a stampede.  
  
God, she wanted to get better for Seth – for everyone – but she was going to Delaware.  
  
Could she make them proud in Delaware? Or would she fall prey to another Oliver – she couldn't do anything right, why should Delaware be any different?  
  
She couldn't cry anymore.  
  
She was leaving after Chrismukkah. She had to enjoy the time she had left.  
  
It would be her gift to Seth and Summer and Ryan.  
  
She'd be the happiest girl they'd ever seen and she would make this the best Chrismukkah ever if it was the last thing she did.  
  
So she took her jewelry and pawned it, not needing it anymore since they were auctioning off everything she didn't take with her.  
  
She used the cash to buy gifts for her friends to add to the ones she'd already gotten. Little things, like scrunchies for Summer since she always lost her own and sunglasses for Seth since he sat on his. She bought Sandy and Kirsten gift cards for the local bagel and coffee shop and spent over two hundred dollars on her little sister before using the remainder of the cash on a hotel room on beach so she could have a night just for her and Seth.  
  
She'd make this Chrismukkah memorable and pay Seth back for all that he'd done for her over this long year of hell.  
  
He was her bright spot. He'd saved her life in so many different ways that he deserved to have his favorite holiday unmarred by his damaged girlfriend.  
  


* * *

  
  
“I thought Marissa was staying all night,” Summer said to Seth the day after Christmas, standing with Ryan by the counter nibbling on the breakfast laid out. Her father always worked over the holidays and they'd had their traditional celebration yesterday before she'd come to spend Christmas with the Cohens and Marissa.  
  
“I did too. She must’ve wanted to go home. But it’s weird, she never wants to go home. Did you think she was acting weird yesterday?” Seth asked her.  
  
Summer shrugged. “With her dad locked up and being sent off to boarding school in Delaware in a few days, I think she was just doing the best she could to get through the holidays. She wasn’t drinking last night,” she added.  
  
“She seemed all right. She really liked her presents and she was joking around and stuff,” Ryan shrugged.  
  
“But she was still _off_. You think it’s too early for me to go over there?” Seth asked.  
  
Ryan glanced at Summer who was getting infected by Seth’s concern.  
  
“She never leaves without saying goodbye,” Seth whispered.  
  
“We’ll all go. We should spend as much time as we can with her before the dragon lady sends her away,” Summer said.  
  
They knocked on Marissa’s front door, but there was no answer. Her car was parked in the driveway but she didn’t answer the door and there was no sign of Julie.  
  
“You think we should go inside?” Ryan asked.  
  
“She has to be here, where else would she be?” Seth replied.  
  
Summer pulled out a house key and unlocked the door. “Coop? Coop, where are you?”  
  
“Marissa?” Ryan called, going to the left when Summer went to the right. Seth was already taking the stairs two at a time to get to her bedroom.  
  
“This is weird. There’s her purse, and she’s a light sleeper, she’d come out if she heard us calling,” Summer said, meeting Ryan by the stairs again. He put his arm around her and they walked upstairs to continue the search.  
  
Seth was standing in the hallway looking into Marissa’s room.  
  
“Seth? Is she in there?” Summer asked, walking up behind him.  
  
Seth didn’t answer.  
  
She looked over at the bed and spotted Marissa lying on her side, one arm curled around a care bear. A nearly empty bottle of vodka sat on the nightstand next to a bottle of pills.  
  
Then Summer realized that the bottle of pills was empty and Marissa…she wasn’t breathing. Her chest wasn’t rising and falling. And she was…she was gray.  
  
Ryan pushed between them, going to the bed and reaching for her wrist, hesitating a moment before he actually touched her.  
  
Summer watched the way his chest was rising and falling rapidly. And the way Marissa wasn’t moving at all. The way her wrist was stiff and didn’t bend when Ryan tried to find her pulse.  
  
“She’s not…she’s not dead,” Seth stated slowly.  
  
“Marissa?” Summer called, wanting to believe him. She walked over but as soon as she got beside the bed – she could tell. Marissa was dead.  
  
Oh fuck.  
  
Why was this happening? Hadn’t they been through enough? Marissa couldn’t just…die. It wasn’t right, this was wrong, this whole thing was wrong...  
  
She crouched down in the floor and leaned her head against the bed. Ryan was saying her name, but she wasn’t leaving. She needed to be with Marissa.  
  
This was wrong.  
  


* * *

  
  
Ryan finally managed to get Seth to step into the hallway, away from Marissa. Her corpse. Summer wasn’t budging.  
  
He’d never seen Seth like this. Or Summer. He didn’t even know how he was supposed to feel – what he was supposed to do.  
  
Marissa was dead.  
  
Dead.  
  
And from what he’d seen, she’d killed herself. Like Oliver, but with less splatter. Dead.  
  
He guided Seth until he was leaning against the wall, pulling out his phone. Seth leaned his head back and slowly sank to floor with his back against the wall. Ryan put one hand on his shoulder, as if that would make a difference, and dialed Sandy with his other hand.  
  
Seth was alive. His body was warm under Ryan’s hand. It wasn’t cold and stiff like Marissa’s. Seth’s blood was still moving through his veins.  
  
“Ryan? Ryan, are you there?”  
  
He hadn’t realized that Sandy had answered. “Yeah. Sandy – we’re at Marissa’s and she’s…she’s…we need to call her mom, or an ambulance…someone…”  
  
“What’s wrong? Ryan, is she okay?”  
  
“She’s dead. I think she’s dead,” Ryan said. Seth shuddered under his hand, pulling his knees up to his chest and leaning his head on his knees. He started to sob.  
  
“What happened…is Seth there? Are you all over there? Is everyone okay?”  
  
“We came to check on her…can you just…call someone?” Ryan asked, lowering the phone and sitting down beside Seth and rubbing his back. It was mechanical, but he needed to do something to show Seth he wasn’t alone.  
  
Summer wasn’t going to handle this well, but she had him. Seth was alone. He didn’t have a girlfriend to hug him when he cried this time.  
  
It wasn’t long before Kirsten crouched down in front of Seth, pulling him into a tight hug and mumbling soothing things to him. Ryan let her take care of him and stood up, going back to the door where Sandy was trying to coax Summer away from Marissa’s body. Sandy was visibly stricken and was having little luck with her.  
  
“Did you call someone?” Ryan asked.  
  
Sandy turned to him, nodding. He seemed to recover. “We need to get you kids out of here, let us handle this. We’re looking for Julie,” he added.  
  
Ryan put his arms around Summer, feeling her quake. “Let’s go, baby…you can’t stay here…”  
  
“I don’t want to leave her…she’s all alone…”  
  
“Come on, Summer…please…” Ryan said, ignoring her attempts to push him away and holding her tightly as he pulled her to her feet.  
  
“No, I’m not leaving…” Summer cried, her brown eyes glazed with shock.  
  
Ryan put his hands on her cheek, cupping her face and smoothing away her tears with his thumbs. “Hey. Just come with me, okay?” he urged, keeping his voice low and calming like Kirsten had done for Seth.  
  
She finally seemed to deflate in his arms, letting him guide her from the room.  
  
Kirsten had gotten Seth outside so Ryan didn’t stop until he had Summer in the driveway beside them. Kirsten seemed at a loss as to what to do for Seth, clearly upset herself over Marissa.  
  
Summer broke away from him after a moment and went over to Seth, collapsing into tears and setting Seth off again in his muted sobs as they clung to each other.  
  
Ryan didn’t know what to do.  
  
He finally took a couple of steps, turned his back on them and emptied his stomach into the grass.  
  
This wasn’t Oliver. This was Marissa. This wasn’t some creepy stalker that had tried to hurt his friends. This was his friend.  
  
After his stomach was appropriately empty, he shook himself off and went back to where Summer and Seth were still holding on to each other.  
  
“Come on, guys…let’s go somewhere and sit down,” Ryan said, avoiding Kirsten’s eyes. He waited until Summer and Seth started walking before falling into step behind them. Kirsten’s hand landed on his back and reminded him that he needed to keep breathing and keep walking.  
  


* * *

  
  
Seth couldn’t think. It was like his brain had stopped functioning.  
  
Marissa was dead. The first girl he’d ever loved. She was dead.  
  
Dead.  
  
He’d made love to her the night before. He’d kissed her. Her arms had been around him when he fell asleep.  
  
He couldn’t believe that she was just…dead.  
  
Dead.  
  
He was sitting on the couch staring at the TV. The TV wasn’t on, but there wasn’t a better place for his eyes to focus on so he looked at it.  
  
Dr. Roberts, Summer’s dad was in the kitchen. He’d given Summer something to make her stop crying and she’d been passed out in Ryan’s bed ever since.  
  
Seth didn’t want to take anything. He didn’t think he wanted to go to sleep if he’d have to wake up into this nightmare.  
  
He was waiting for Marissa to walk through the door and say that it was all a big prank to piss her mother off. That it was just a joke. A mannequin with her face in the bed and not her.  
  
Not her.  
  
He loved her. He’d tried to help her – he’d taken her to AA, he’d helped her when she wanted to jump off the wagon; he’d held her in his arms over and over when she’d cried.  
  
But it wasn’t enough.  
  
She was dead.  
  
“Seth, here,” Ryan said, his voice penetrating through the fog. Seth recognized the strong coffee smell from the cup Ryan wrapped his fingers around.  
  
“Thanks,” Seth said.  
  
Ryan was staring at him. “No, thank you. I think that’s the first thing you’ve said in a while,” he replied.  
  
“What time is it?”  
  
“About one,” Ryan replied. “Do you remember talking to your Dad?”  
  
Seth shook his head. He took a sip of coffee and could feel the warm liquid make its way to his stomach. “Did he say anything important? Like, other than the fact that my girlfriend swallowed a bottle of painkillers last night?”  
  
“She…she left you a note,” Ryan said after a moment.  
  
“A note. She left a note?” Seth replied. He felt like his brain had started functioning again and was going into overload.  
  
“Let me get your dad,” Ryan said.  
  
“No, you tell me…” Seth insisted, grabbing his arm.  
  
“I didn’t read it, nobody’s read it except the cops…it’s your letter,” Ryan said, his voice getting even quieter.  
  
“Will you get it for me?” Seth asked.  
  
“Your Mom and Dad…”  
  
“I don’t want to see them. I just need to be by myself. And like, with you or Summer. I don’t need them to coddle me right now, I need to know what the hell happened to Marissa last night…” Seth said.  
  
Ryan was looking at him and Seth finally realized he was still holding on to his arm. “I’ll be right back,” he said when Seth released him.  
  
Seth knew that he was slightly freaking out, but he didn't think that there was any kind of protocol on how he was supposed to act. He had finally thought he was getting the hang of being a normal teenager, that he was learning how to be a good boyfriend and a good friend...but Marissa was dead and he hadn't done anything to stop it. He hadn't known that she was hurting this badly.  
  
Badly enough to need to die.  
  
Ryan returned and sat down on the couch beside him. Seth realized that his dad had followed him, holding an envelope.  
  
Seth recognized the frilly script on the outside. It looked just like the letters he used to get from Marissa when she was in rehab.  
  
But she wasn’t in rehab.  
  
“Seth, son, please don’t shut me out right now. I know you’re hurting, I know that I can’t understand what you’re going through but I am still here for you, okay?” Sandy said.  
  
Seth nodded, not taking his eyes off the letter. “I think I just need to read it without a big audience,” Seth said finally.  
  
Sandy glanced at Ryan who must have nodded or made some silent argument to convince him and he held out the envelope.  
  
Seth turned it over slowly, the back flap already unsealed. “Cops read it first, right?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“She leave anyone else notes?” Seth asked.  
  
“Her dad. The cops were going to take it when they went to tell him,” Ryan replied.  
  
Seth took a deep breath and held it. Then he pulled the note from the envelope. Ryan’s hand clamped on his shoulder and he let out his breath. He could breathe on his own. He just had to remember.  
  
 _Seth,  
  
I’m sorry for all this. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t pretend like I’m okay when I’m not. This has nothing to do with you, I was fucked up long before you came around. You helped me so much, you loved me and you tried to help me but every morning I’d wake up and find you watching me sleep, I knew that it wasn’t fair for you to have a girlfriend that you had to babysit. You deserve a whole girl, and not one that’s shattered into pieces. My Mom’s never going to change, she’s never going to care and I’m never going to be able to make her love me. And my Dad’s got more important things to do. I’m always in their way and when she told me that I had to go to boarding school, I knew it was time for me to go. I would rather be dead than feel the way I do now. I wish I could stay for you, for Summer and my friends, but as much as I love you all, it’s not enough to fix what’s broken. I am so sorry for leaving you. But I hope you understand that doing this now, killing myself – it’s easier for everyone. I’m going on my own terms and the past few days of Chrismukkah and spending time with you and Summer and Ryan were some of the best days of my life. Please don’t hate me.  
  
Marissa_  
  
“Seth?” Ryan called.  
  
“I’m going to take a walk,” Seth said, not moving. He couldn’t be here anymore.  
  
“Can I come with you?”  
  
“You should stay with Summer.”  
  
“Summer’s asleep,” Ryan replied.  
  
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, let’s go.”  
  


* * *

  
  
Sandy waited until dark before calling Ryan. He hadn’t wanted to let the boys go out but Seth was still so out of it, that he hadn’t been able to deny Ryan’s request to get him some fresh air.  
  
He’d never seen Seth like this. Devastated. He was almost catatonic with grief and horror.  
  
He’d found his girlfriend dead of a suicide. That had to be one of the worst things that could ever happen to someone, especially a kid. Especially for a kid who'd witnessed another suicide so recently.  
  
Marissa had been having trouble, but he hadn’t seen this coming and he doubted Seth had either.  
  
Kirsten had brought the letter in after finding it folded on the couch. Sandy didn't want to imagine what Julie was feeling right now, if anything.  
  
“Did you call?” Kirsten asked.  
  
Neil was in the living room with Caleb and a few other parents that had shown up after hearing the news. Since Jimmy was locked up and Julie was staying at a hotel so she didn’t have to stay in the house where Marissa died so soon, their house had turned out to be the stopping point to find out arrangements and news.  
  
Summer was still sleeping. She’d barely moved from where Ryan had tucked her in earlier even though Kirsten and Neil had both went in and sat with her for a couple of hours.  
  
“I didn’t get a signal,” Sandy said, dialing again. He knew that service was spotty sometimes down near the beach.  
  
“Hey,” Ryan answered quietly. Sandy heard loud music in the background.  
  
“Where are you?” Sandy asked immediately.  
  
“Luke and some of the guys found us sitting on the beach. We went back to his place.”  
  
Sandy tried to hear what Ryan wasn’t saying. He lowered his voice. “Is Seth okay?”  
  
“He’s…drunk. He got away from me for a minute. I’m watching him. I’ll bring him home soon…but he’s talking. Like, to Luke and Holly…and that’s more than he was doing for me. Summer up yet?” Ryan asked.  
  
“No. Bring Seth home, Ryan. We’ve got dinner ready.”  
  
“You’re not going to punish Seth, are you?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Extenuating circumstances. Just bring him home, okay?”  
  
“Okay, I will,” Ryan said.  
  
“You want me to call you a cab?”  
  
“I’ll take Chip’s car, I already took his keys and we’ll drop him off first,” Ryan replied.  
  
Sandy was glad that Ryan was being so responsible but he wanted to spend some time talking to him individually when they got back. He had to be hurting, too, but he’d been putting everyone else first, like always. They had to make sure Ryan didn’t bury his pain away. Seth was drinking and it had gotten him to talk but Sandy wondered what would finally get Ryan to talk. If Ryan would even let himself grieve when he was spending so much time taking care of Seth and Summer.  
  
Ryan was tough and Sandy was grateful that he was taking care of his son, but he wondered what this tragedy would do to the tentative comfort Ryan had finally accepted in their home.  
  
"Honey?" Kirsten asked, touching his arm.  
  
"Ryan's bringing him home soon. Said Seth's had some drinks but that he's talking."  
  
She sighed and embraced him. "I guess we have to take what we can get. Ryan will take care of him until we get our chance."  
  


* * *


	37. Chapter 37

Things had gotten weird in the weeks following Marissa's funeral.  
  
Summer couldn't seem to get the motivation to leave her room and her dad had worked out some deal with Dr. Kim and Ryan brought her homework in every morning and she got credit.  
  
He spent hours with her every night after work, doing his homework while she fought tears over her notebooks.  
  
Seth was going to school, but it wasn't necessarily a good thing considering how _dark_ his friend had become.  
  
Ryan caught him drinking rum with some kids he recognized from Luke's parties, but didn't know personally. It wouldn't have been a big deal if it hadn't been in the parking lot before school.  
  
But the alcohol wasn't even the weird part, Ryan had drank away his pain a few times in Chino, but he'd never gone further than pot in his experimental phases.  
  
He knew Seth hadn't either.  
  
But Seth wasn't talking to him, and Ryan knew he was experimenting with some hard drugs. He'd lived with his mom long enough to get the signs.  
  
And Ryan was afraid that it was becoming more than experimentation lately.  
  
It had become a familiar ritual for Ryan to leave Summer's house after a call from Chip with directions to Seth's location.  
  
Usually it was past curfew, but Sandy and Kirsten had become lax at enforcing it since they were 'dealing with the tragedy'.  
  
To Ryan, it meant that he had to take care of Seth.  
  
Even if he had powder on his nose, or was chomping on straws thanks to an expensive hit of ecstasy.  
  
He wouldn't rat Seth out unless he had to.  
  
Seth wasn't talking to him, but Ryan fully expected him to snap out of his phase once he got it out of his system.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Sandy sighed, placing the blanket over Kirsten where she'd fallen asleep on the couch again.  
  
They had to do something. Soon.  
  
Seth wasn't coping and they'd found marijuana in the Rover. He'd been drunk at school according to his teachers' calls and had been in detention more in the past month than in his entire school career.  
  
They'd never had issues with Seth; he'd always been a good kid.  
  
He was still a good kid. But Marissa's death had brought out something in him, some kind of rage, that they had no concept of how to help him face it.  
  
Ryan was struggling in his own way, but he was internalizing it as always. Summer had become too depressed to leave the house and seemed to be using Ryan as her lifeline.  
  
He'd seen Ryan bringing Seth inside several nights when he'd waited up for them, but he was too grateful for the kid's help to approach him.  
  
He was guilty of letting Ryan take on too much and he felt like hell about it.  
  
It was worse than when he found out Ryan thought he'd brought the Nana to California for him to impress her. It was worse than Ryan thinking he was a burden for being upset about Oliver's death.  
  
He was treating the kid like an employee and making him think it was okay to sacrifice himself for Seth's well being.  
  
The phone rang suddenly, startling Kirsten from her doze. He grabbed it, curiously. "Sandy Cohen."  
  
"Mr. Cohen, this is the Newport Beach Police Department, there's been an accident."  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Kirsten spotted Ryan in the ER with a uniformed officer. "Ryan? Are you okay?"  
  
Ryan turned to her with desolate eyes and a fresh bruise on his cheek. "Chip always takes his keys – I don't know how he got the keys," he whispered. She gave him an impulsive hug, terrified by his trembling under these circumstances.  
  
"What happened?" Sandy asked the officer.  
  
"Seth crashed his car, a BMW? He doesn't seem to have been hurt in the accident and the kids that were with him took off before we got there, but your son appeared intoxicated at the scene and we called an ambulance when he started showing symptoms of a possible OD," the cop said plainly.  
  
She gasped.  
  
"Ryan..." Sandy started.  
  
"I wasn't at the party, he was with some kids I don't know – they called me when he took off and I got to the accident right after it happened," Ryan said quietly, not looking at them. But she could tell he wasn't lying.  
  
"Is Seth okay?" Sandy asked the cop. "Where is he?"  
  
"The doctors say he'll be fine, they pumped his stomach and Ryan gave them details of his drug history," the cop said, glaring at him.  
  
She couldn't wrap her head around Seth having a 'drug history'.  
  
"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered.  
  
"You should have told us," she sighed, pulling him into a desperate hug that he didn't return. He just stood there and let her hold him.  
  
"I'll tell the doctors you're here, the waiting room's right there," the officer directed.  
  
Sandy gave her a look and followed the cop to run damage control.  
  
"How long have you known?" Kirsten asked, guiding Ryan into the waiting room and into a bright corner so hopefully he wouldn't hide from her.  
  
"Known what? That Seth was spiraling? How long have you not known?" Ryan replied quietly. "He doesn't talk to me, and my friends know it upsets me so they don't tell me much. But I know...I know he's tried coke, and ecstasy and that he's drinking all the time. And I know that nothing's going to make him stop because god knows I've tried everything I know..."  
  
"Oh, Ryan," she said, letting her tears flow.  
  
This couldn't be happening to Seth, to her family.  
  
She recovered after a few moments and grabbed a tissue to clean her cheeks before turning back to Ryan and taking his hand.  
  
"Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry that it had to come to this, but...still," she said.  
  
"I know how much I messed up...this is my fault," Ryan whispered.  
  
"It's not your fault. Seth is not your responsibility. I want you to go home and get some rest. Sandy and I will take over from here," she said.  
  
"I want to..."  
  
"I know you do, but I need you to trust us. We have to deal with this, it's out of your hands now," she said, meeting his hooded gaze.  
  
She forced another hug on him before letting him leave.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Seth glared at his parents talking to the cops across the room.  
  
Everything had gone to shit.  
  
Again.  
  
At least he was used to it this time.  
  
Marissa was dead, it couldn’t get any worse.  
  
And it had been exhilarating to punch Ryan in the face, even if he missed his nose.  
  
Ryan had turned into a huge prick in the past few weeks; he couldn't even remember why he liked him in the first place. He followed him everywhere, brooding and looking down on anyone trying to have a good time.  
  
Seth and his friends called him 'Captain Buzzkill' and it had gotten really old in the past few days.  
  
Ryan was so far up Summer's ass that he was a drag to bother talking to, yet he was always lingering where Seth was and couldn't take his hints to fuck off.  
  
And he had to be the reason his parents were suddenly 'worried about his drug abuse'. If Ryan hadn't told them, they wouldn't know that he'd discovered how much fun it was to be fucked up.  
  
He finally realized what Marissa had always gotten out of it.  
  
If he'd known then, maybe they could have partied together and she'd still be alive.  
  
"Dad, when can we go?" he called.  
  
His mother frowned at him and walked over. "You're lucky you're not spending the night in jail," she whispered. "You're staying overnight for observation, and possibly another if your body needs time to get the chemicals out of your system. At least two days."  
  
"Why? There's nothing wrong with me," he protested. This was so stupid.  
  
"You won't be going home when you get discharged, either. We're taking you to a counselor straight from here. This won't continue," she said.  
  
Seth rolled his eyes and let out a sigh.  
  
His buzz had worn off hours ago and he wondered how long it would take him this time to get his parents off his back.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
"Honey?"  
  
Summer blinked the Xanax out of her eyes and smiled at her Dad. "Hey."  
  
"I need to talk to you about something," he said, sitting down and fluffing a pillow so she'd sit up.  
  
"What's up?" she asked, accepting his hug before laying back on the bed again.  
  
"I think you could use some time away. Since you're out of school anyway and it's not helping...I think we should go somewhere for a few days."  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
She couldn’t go without Ryan. He was the only thing holding her together, reminding her to eat and breathe and shower...  
  
"Hear me out, sweetie," he said, brushing her hair back and smiling at her carefully. "I've booked us a suite at a spa, since you won't go to therapy, I'm hoping you'll think about this seriously. You can get some sun, do some swimming or just get your nails done."  
  
She frowned. "I don't want to spa."  
  
"You need to remember how to live again. I know you're hurting and that nothing's making the loss of your best friend go away, but you can't keep living like this. I won't let you," he said.  
  
"But...what about Ryan? He needs me," she said.  
  
"I talked to Ryan yesterday and he thinks it's a good idea. I even invited him alone, but apparently he doesn't _spa_ ," her father smiled.  
  
She giggled at the thought of Ryan Atwood at a spa.  
  
"So can I have Marguerite pack your bags?" he asked, his eyes hopeful.  
  
She took a deep breath. And nodded.  
  
"Good girl. We'll leave tomorrow and we'll...take it slow."  
  
"Will you take me golfing?" she asked, teasing lightly. It worked and he broke out into a wide grin, remembering their failed father/daughter golf games of her childhood.  
  
"Don't put ideas in my head, baby," he said, kissing her forehead.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Caleb was surprised when Ryan walked into his office, glancing at his empty secretary’s desk. “She quit last week, haven’t had time to replace her, come in, son, what’s on your mind?”  
  
Ryan looked worse than Caleb had ever seen him look. He was physically and mentally exhausted according to Kirsten. Seth’s new rebellion was affecting everyone around him and Ryan was bearing the brunt of it by refusing to let him get under his skin.  
  
It seemed like the only time Ryan seemed relaxed anymore was at work and Caleb couldn’t tell him to go home when he seemed to need the break from dealing with his grieving grandson so much.  
  
“Can I borrow your car? I wouldn’t ask but, Kirsten and Sandy are taking Seth to the shrink today and I don’t want to interrupt…it’s, kind of, important,” Ryan said carefully, avoiding Caleb’s eyes.  
  
“You know I trust you, and I want you to come to you whenever you need something, but can I ask where you’re going to go?”  
  
“I need to go to Chino,” Ryan replied, still not looking at him.  
  
“Can I ask why?”  
  
“You can ask. I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s…it’s safe, I swear. I just have to go. I have to meet someone in an hour and I don’t think the bus will get me there,” he answered, his voice getting softer with each response.  
  
“Who are you meeting?” Caleb asked, already closing out the files on his laptop.  
  
“Caleb, if I can’t borrow your car, I need to catch the bus…” Ryan replied.  
  
“How about we compromise? I’ll drive you. Kirsten would never forgive me if I let you walk into something in Chino by yourself. You say it’s safe so you shouldn’t mind if I want to drive you,” Caleb said.  
  
“Can you just…leave work?” Ryan asked.  
  
“I’m the boss, of course I can. Go get your jacket and meet me downstairs,” Caleb said.  
  
“Thanks, Caleb,” Ryan said, hurrying out of the room.  
  
Caleb didn’t know why Ryan was willing to accept a ride to Chino from him yet wouldn’t confess why he needed to go. He hoped to god it wasn’t because of his mother because he knew Sandy and Kirsten would be livid.  
  
He was glad Ryan had come to him, though, instead of taking a bus and keeping all his secrets to himself. He kept too much to himself, but Caleb couldn't bring himself to get into the whole 'Seth and drugs' lecture when the kid looked so strained as it was.  
  
He paused long enough to get two cups of coffee from the lounge and met Ryan at the car.  
  
“Since you don’t want to tell me where we’re going, can you punch in the address to the GPS?”  
  
“I don’t know the actual address, but I know where we’re going, I’ll direct you,” Ryan said quietly. “We’re going to the hospital.”  
  
Caleb gave him a worried look but Ryan was still avoiding eye contact. “Is your mother okay?”  
  
“No. She’s not. The cops called me and said they think she’s dead. I have to go identify the body, see if it’s her,” Ryan said once he pulled onto the freeway.  
  
“Ryan…are you sure you don’t want to call Sandy and Kirsten?” Caleb asked, stricken.  
  
“I’m sure. Seth needs their help more right now. I’ll tell them if it turns out to be her. If it’s not her, then I don’t have to worry them,” Ryan replied.  
  
Caleb reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “Are you okay? Isn’t there anyone else that could do it?”  
  
“No. There’s not,” Ryan whispered. “Thank you for driving me.”  
  
Caleb didn’t make him talk anymore but he damned well wasn’t going to let Ryan go in alone to look at a dead body.  
  
Ryan had seen too many dead bodies already.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Once Caleb pulled into the parking lot at the hospital, Ryan lost whatever nerve he had and turned to the man. “Thank you for coming with me.”  
  
“You don’t have to do everything by yourself, son,” Caleb replied. “I’m coming in with you and whether it’s your mother or not, I want you to tell Kirsten and Sandy as soon as you get home. I know you’re worried about Seth and you want him to get better, but you’re just as important and you have to learn to put yourself first sometimes. But I’m not here to lecture. Where are you meeting this officer?”  
  
Ryan led him into the hospital and they followed the signs to the morgue in the basement of the building.  
  
He was grateful for Caleb’s firm hold on his shoulder. He wondered if the old man knew about Seth's accident and Ryan's blame in it.  
  
“Mr. Atwood?” a policeman called, standing up from behind the desk where he was chatting with one of the clerks.  
  
“I’m Caleb Nichol, Ryan’s foster grandfather,” Caleb said before Ryan could think of an appropriate response to the man’s question.  
  
His brain wasn’t really functioning the way it was supposed to. Supporting Summer and dragging Seth out of kegs and seeing Oliver and Marissa every time he tried to sleep had slowed his mind down to the point that he was surprised he even knew his own name.  
  
“I’m glad you came with him. This process is never easy on anyone and in the rare cases we have to ask children to ID a body, we like them to bring someone. Ryan? When’s the last time you saw your mother?” the officer asked him.  
  
“Before Christmas. Just for a few minutes, I’m not supposed to see her now that I live with the Cohens, my foster family. She was strung out, messed up. And I know she was hooking because a friend of mine saw her a few months before that,” Ryan answered.  
  
“How do you know she was strung out?” the cop asked.  
  
“She had tracks on her arms…I think she was on meth, she didn't look like that when she was just using coke,” Ryan replied.  
  
Caleb’s hand tightened on his shoulder. “What makes you think this body is his mother? Why can’t you just run her fingerprints?”  
  
“She’d been dead for several days and we can’t get prints,” the officer apologized.  
  
“Can I see her?” Ryan asked, not sure where the question came from since he was steadily becoming more and more numb.  
  
The officer glanced back at the clerk and after a moment a buzzer sounded and two large doors opened behind the desk.  
  
“You sure you’re okay to do this?”  
  
“I need to see if it’s her,” Ryan replied.  
  
He’d never been to the morgue before so he wasn’t sure what to expect, but he wasn’t thinking clearly enough to look around. It was like he had tunnel vision and when the officer stopped beside a large metal drawer he realized that he couldn't do this.  
  
But there was no one else.  
  
“Ryan?” Caleb whispered.  
  
“It’s okay, I’m ready,” he said, swallowing thickly to keep his bile down.  
  
The cop pulled open the drawer to reveal a black body bag. He didn’t hesitate again and unzipped the top of the bag, folding it down so the face was revealed.  
  
His mom’s face.  
  
She was dead.  
  
Everything he’d feared was right here in the body bag.  
  
“It’s her,” Ryan said finally, turning away so he didn’t have to see her zipped up again.  
  
“Are you sure?” the cop asked.  
  
“I’m sure,” he whispered, stepping away from Caleb and following his instincts for the exit.  
  
He needed to get out of here.  
  
“Hey, slow down, Ryan, please,” Caleb said, stopping him by the desk before he could get to the stairs.  
  
“Okay,” Ryan replied. He couldn’t just leave. “You’re right. There’s probably something I have to sign.”  
  
He couldn’t lose his head. He had to claim responsibility. She was his mom.  
  
“Sit down, son, let me finish things up here and then I’ll take you home, okay? Just sit down, I’ll bring you something to drink,” Caleb said, nudging him to sit down in one of the plastic chairs.  
  
He heard the officer and clerk asking him if he was okay, but he didn’t know how to answer them. He finally leaned forward and put his head between his knees and tried not to throw up.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
“Where’s Ryan?” Seth asked, following his parents into the house.  
  
“He went to work today,” Sandy answered.  
  
Seth needed to talk to him. Ryan had snitched and run to his parents like Seth had been plotting world domination or something.  
  
Now Seth was sentenced to see a shrink twice a week to _talk_ like he was some kind of mental case.  
  
He wasn’t as crazy as Oliver. Or even Marissa.  
  
He was just tired of being the good little boy, the fucking lapdog, that he’d been for his whole life.  
  
He was rich, he lived in Newport and since nothing he did made any difference – he should be able to do whatever the fuck he wanted.  
  
Nothing mattered. He’d done his best to be a good boyfriend to Marissa and she’d killed herself. And all the kids at school looked at him like he’d been the one to drive her to it. Even Julie fucking Cooper blamed him for not saving her.  
  
And the friends he had made were helping, they were keeping him distracted and making sure he achieved the perfect amount of chemical bliss each night to stop thinking about his girlfriend being six feet underground.  
  
Ryan had been following him around like a puppy, like he needed a leash.  
  
Seth knew damned well what he was doing, he didn’t need a chaperone.  
  
He needed space. And just because Ryan was afraid of getting kicked out, or maybe he just _liked_ sucking up – didn’t mean Seth was in trouble.  
  
He needed to talk to him and set things straight.  
  
He knew he wouldn’t have to go to a shrink if Ryan hadn’t gone whining to his parents.  
  
“Go to your room, Seth. We’ll talk after your mother and I decide on your restrictions for your latest incident.”  
  
“It was an accident,” Seth replied.  
  
“We already heard your excuse, Seth, it’s duly noted. But the positive drugs tests from the hospital aren’t just going to disappear when the police decide what charges to file against you. And I’m not so sure we’ll want to give you the keys to the new car we have to buy to replace the one you crashed,” Kirsten replied.  
  
“Whatever,” Seth muttered. Like they didn’t have the money for that.  
  
The Beamer was getting old anyway; they should be thanking him for putting the poor thing out of its misery.  
  
And it had been pretty cool.  
  
He glimpsed Ryan in the den when he started up the stairs and waited for his parents to be out of sight before backtracking and going to talk to him.  
  
“Hey,” Ryan said.  
  
“Hey. I just wanted to thank you for being such an awesome brother and getting me busted by, oh, the parents and the cops. I just wanted you to know that I really appreciate you having my back these past few weeks and getting me in as much trouble as you possibly could. I just wanted you to know that I’ll always remember what a great brother you are,” he said, making sure the sarcasm was thick enough.  
  
Ryan didn’t answer, he didn’t even look up.  
  
“Nothing to say for yourself? Figures. You love to talk about other people’s issues, but never your own – like how your mom’s a junkie whore and your dad’s a criminal who keeps getting passed over for parole since he’s such an asshole – and of course, your real brother who ended up in jail for trusting you,” Seth continued. “Asking Dad to help you was the biggest mistake I ever made. I’m counting the days until you’re eighteen and out of my life forever. I’m sure you could go into the family business, maybe you and your mom can share a pimp.”  
  
Ryan stood up and walked out of the den. Seth started to follow him, but he didn’t go into his room, he walked out of the front door and down the driveway before Seth even reached the foyer.  
  
“Seth? Where’s Ryan, Dad said he was in the den,” his mom asked, putting a hand on his shoulder with a gentle motion.  
  
“Your _favorite_ kid just took off down the road, but I'm sure he'll come back and tell you all about how mean I am," Seth replied. Maybe he had been a _little_ harsh – but Ryan had earned it snitching on him.  
  
"Go to your room, Seth. Now, please, before I change my mind," his mom said, her hand clenching his shoulder and turning him to face her.  
  
He realized how angry and upset she was suddenly and it broke through the walls he'd been spending weeks to build. He was really hurting her.  
  
"Now, Seth. Just go, Rosa will bring you some dinner in a couple of hours," she said, nudging him toward the stairs.  
  
"When are you coming to law down the law?" he snarked, the moment gone as he remembered how mean his parents had been to him today.  
  
"For now, the law is that you stay in your room." She softened her tone suddenly. "I know you're hurting and you hate everyone right now but I am asking you – as your mother – please – we really need you to snap out of it. This family can't lose anyone else, Seth and we're losing you every time you go out and risk your life with the drugs and the accidents and the fighting – I need my son to come back to me," she said, her eyes glistening.  
  
He walked up the stairs and went into his room, closing the door quietly.  
  
Snap out of it, like it was just a phase. _Whatever._  
  
Marissa was still dead.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Sandy let out his breath when he spotted Ryan sitting on a bus bench at the end of the pier, a cigarette smoldering in his hand.  
  
"Hey, kid. How're you doing?" he said carefully, sitting down.  
  
He'd spent the past few days too worried to sleep more than a few hours at a time because of Seth's newfound penchant for self-destruction. Even though the therapist said Seth was just lashing out because of his grief, Sandy couldn't get used to his new sullen and angry son.  
  
And now Ryan, who'd been spinning in his own slow isolation, had been dealt another blow with the death of his mother.  
  
"I need to call Trey," Ryan said quietly.  
  
"I called him. We're making arrangements to have your mother buried beside her parents up in Fresno, Trey said it's what she wanted," Sandy said. "He's going to call you tomorrow on your cell."  
  
Ryan nodded, his eyes hidden behind his lashes.  
  
"Is there anything I can do?" Sandy asked.  
  
Ryan met his eyes. "Maybe. Do you think...do you think Caleb would let me stay with him a few days? I...I think you need to spend time with Seth and I need...I need some time to myself."  
  
"Did he say something to you?" Sandy asked.  
  
"It doesn't matter. He's pissed off that I told you guys he was partying," Ryan said.  
  
"You didn't tell us anything we didn't already know," Sandy replied. "You had to tell us – the doctors needed to know what he'd taken to know how to treat him..."  
  
"Doesn't matter to him. I just need some time to myself, Sandy."  
  
"Caleb's still at the house, we'll talk to him," Sandy said, his heart clenching at the fact that the kid felt like he had to leave.  
  
"You guys didn't know my mom, and even the people that did know her, didn't like her. But she was _my_ Mom and I don't want to hear all the whispers and the pity from everyone when...it's just hard, and I just want to be by myself," Ryan said. "Just for a few days."  
  
Sandy put his arm around him. "I want you to know that I love you. And even though I might not know what you're going through, you can count on that. Kirsten and I are here for you; however you need us to be."  
  
"I know. And it means a lot to me...but I need some time to get everything together in my head," Ryan replied.  
  
"Come on, kid, let me drive you home so you can get your things while I give Caleb a stern lecture on the care and feeding of Ryan Atwood*," Sandy said. *TM [](https://helen-c.livejournal.com/profile)[**helen_c**](https://helen-c.livejournal.com/)  
  
"Thanks," he said, smiling wanly as he stood up.  
  
"I'll even let you keep those cigarettes if you promise to call me first thing in the morning," Sandy offered, guiding him to the rental car.  
  
"Deal."  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Kirsten took a deep breath and knocked on Seth's door.  
  
She hated being a hardass when her son was in so much pain, but she had to stay strong. He was lashing out but he'd gone too far.  
  
"Come in," he called after a beat and she stepped into the room.  
  
The first thing she noticed was that he'd cleaned up, but she didn't let the gesture dampen her resolve. He could be doing it just to try and get his sentence lightened.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said when she sat down in his desk chair. He was lying on the bed with Captain Oats on his lap. "I'm being a prick."  
  
"Yes, you are. And don't say 'prick'. Your father and I have given you space, we know that you're suffering and that you don't want our help – but you're only 16 and you can't keep acting like this. We didn't raise you like this...Marissa's gone, Seth, and I am so so sorry, but you're not gone, you're still here and we can't let you ruin your life just because she's gone. You have to try and get over what happened without drinking and drugs – you have to face the fact that she's gone. It wasn't your fault."  
  
"I could've done more," he whispered. "But I believed that she was getting better..."  
  
"She wanted you to believe that. God, Seth, Sandy and I both talked about how well she was doing after her father's news and boarding school – we believed her, everyone did..."  
  
"I was with her every day – and she had it planned the whole time...everything she did over Chrismukkah – she knew she was going to do it...if she'd just told me then I could've helped her..." he said.  
  
"I don't think she wanted anyone's help, Seth. You can't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault," she said.  
  
Seth sighed heavily and put the plastic horse down and pushed himself upright in bed. "So, what's the verdict? Where's Dad?"  
  
"Your father's dealing with Dawn's arrangements," Kirsten said.  
  
"Arrangements? He sending her to rehab or something?" Seth asked, confused.  
  
"Oh. Dawn passed away. While we were at the therapist, Ryan went with Dad to identify her body, he's very upset. He's staying with Dad for a few days."  
  
"Shit," Seth whispered, his eyes wide. "I..."  
  
"He seems to think that you need us more than he does right now. He's going through a lot and we have to give him his space. He's earned it. And despite what you may think, he hasn't betrayed you. The cops ordered a blood test because of the accident and the doctors needed to know what was in your system so they could treat you in the hospital; he only told us what drugs you were taking because he wanted to help you. I want you to leave him alone for a few days, Seth."  
  
"But I have to apologize..." Seth started.  
  
"Not right now. You're grounded, indefinitely. You'll find we took the car keys from your keychain and you are not to leave the house unless you're with me or your father. We'll take you to school and bring you home. You've broken our trust and you have to earn it back."  
  
"Fine – whatever – but you have to let me see Ryan, Mom, I was awful to him today, I was so mad and..." Seth started again, stopping when she held up her hand.  
  
"I want you to remember that, Seth, but honestly, I can't hear it right now. I see how much Ryan is hurting and the fact that he doesn't want to be here, with his family, really bothers me and I'm afraid if I hear what you have to say I won't be able to deal with it," Kirsten said honestly. "Ryan should be here, he should want to be here so we can help him handle the loss, but he doesn't want to be. I feel like I've failed both of you as a mother because I have no idea how to help either of you."  
  
Seth was looking at her and for the first time in weeks, she recognized him behind his lashes. He climbed off the bed and walked over to the desk, pulling open a drawer and getting a thick book out of it and handing it to her.  
  
"What's this?" She asked.  
  
He opened it and revealed a hollow interior. A bag of pot and a prescription bottle filled with assorted pills and capsules were hidden inside.  
  
"Is this everything?" she whispered, stunned.  
  
"Yes. I'll stop. I'll...see the shrink, take the drug tests, I won't drive. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Mom..."  
  
He wrapped his arms around her and she returned his hug, but the book pressed between them was digging into her ribs.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
"I know you're not asleep," Hailey said, stepping into the guest room at Caleb's.  
  
Ryan didn't move from the bed.  
  
"I brought you some juice, and a sleeping pill. Kirsten's orders, she says you haven't been sleeping," she said, sitting down on the bed.  
  
"I'll sleep," Ryan muttered, still not sitting up.  
  
"I have orders," she said, holding out the pills.  
  
He swallowed them and sat up, taking a sip of the juice. "Thanks."  
  
"You okay?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah," he said.  
  
He wasn't.  
  
Summer was states away with her father, Seth hated him and his mother was dead.  
  
He wasn't okay.  
  
"Try and get some rest, okay? We're all worried about you," she said.  
  
"I'll be fine. Good night," he said, lying down again. He heard the door close after a few moments. He reached over and clicked the lamp off, appreciating the darkness.  
  
He'd always known his mother wasn't going to die naturally. She liked drugs too much, liked mean men too much...  
  
But he'd always been there to help her. With Trey, they'd taken care of their mom as much as she'd let them.  
  
It felt like it was happening all over again with Seth. Help was interpreted as 'buzzkill' and he didn't know what else to do.  
  
Everything he did was futile.  
  
His phone lit up on the nightstand and he saw Summer's number on the display and raised it to his ear. "Hey."  
  
"Hey. What's going on?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You home?"  
  
"I'm staying at Caleb's for a few days."  
  
"Why? Everything okay?"  
  
"Seth went to therapy today. He wasn't amused," Ryan replied, rolling onto his back. "And my mom died."  
  
"Your mom...oh, babe, what happened?"  
  
"Overdose. They found her in this shitty motel when her body started to smell," Ryan said quietly. Only Caleb knew that bit.  
  
"Jesus...you want me to come home?"  
  
"I'll be okay." He took a deep breath. "She hasn't been in my life for a while, you know?"  
  
"Doesn't mean you don't care. I know you loved your mom. I'm so sorry..."  
  
"Me, too. How's your spa?" he asked.  
  
"I feel better. Daddy's been great. I feel like I'm almost ready to take my life back. And I'm here for you, Ryan, I want to be a good girlfriend to you...you've taken such good care of me these past few weeks..."  
  
"I don't take good care of anybody," Ryan muttered.  
  
"Stop it," she said. "You do – you...I love you, Ryan."  
  
"I love you, too. I should go, I'm getting sleepy. Hailey made me take something to sleep."  
  
"You need to sleep. I...I wish I was there."  
  
"I'll see you soon, Summer. Don't worry. I'm okay."  
  
"I don't believe you. But I trust you."  
  
He put the phone down and closed his eyes.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Caleb saw Ryan emerge from the bedroom two days later in a suit and he knew Ryan was actually going to attempt to go to the funeral on his own.  
  
Kirsten and Sandy had been calling and coming over to check on the boy, but Ryan evaded their questions and redirected them to talk about Seth.  
  
He cleared his throat. “Ryan.”  
  
Ryan walked into the den to greet him with his hands shoved in his pockets.  
  
“Is the service today?”  
  
“Yes, sir,” he replied.  
  
“Do Kirsten and Sandy know?” Caleb asked.  
  
“Yes, sir. I asked them not to go. It’s my decision. This is something I need to do on my own,” Ryan replied.  
  
“I have to disagree…”  
  
“Fine, you can disagree. But I’m going to bury my mother and I don’t need everybody hovering over me and then running outside to whisper about how shitty Mom was. Not today. Trey’s going to be there, he’s going to have guards with him – I don’t want the first time Kirsten to meet my brother to have him in cuffs – I want to go by myself,” Ryan said, his voice steady.  
  
“Did that work on Sandy and Kirsten?”  
  
“The cab’s outside, they’re paying for the trip,” Ryan said. “I appreciate your concern…”  
  
“How long are you going to do this? Why won’t you let anyone help you?”  
  
“My mom’s dead. And...I don’t deserve any help. I’ll be back tonight. I’ve got my stuff packed if you don’t want me to stay here anymore,” Ryan added quietly. “Have a nice day.”  
  
Caleb sighed heavily. This was just getting worse.  
  
They were going to lose him.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Summer made her father take her straight to the Cohens after the airport and she was in the house before he even turned off the engine.  
  
“Where is he?” she asked, finding Kirsten, Sandy and Seth in the kitchen.  
  
“He’s not here. He’s still staying at Grandpa’s,” Seth replied.  
  
“I thought the funeral was today, I was trying to catch him before he left,” Summer said, pausing to catch her breath.  
  
“It is. He wanted to go alone. Demanded it, actually,” Sandy said quietly.  
  
“And you let him?” Summer gasped. “You honestly let him go to Fresno to bury his mom by himself?”  
  
“He said that he needed to…” Kirsten started, visibly upset.  
  
Summer shook her head, incredulously and walked out of the house.  
  
“Is he home?” her dad asked.  
  
“No, Dad. Let’s go home, he’ll call me. After the funeral, I guess,” she said, getting into the car.  
  
“I’m sorry, honey,” he said.  
  
“It’s not your fault. It’s my fault for thinking that the Cohens would actually take care of Ryan. Seth’s their top priority and I hate that Ryan knows it,” she whispered.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
Ryan didn’t get back to Caleb’s until after eight and he was relieved when he didn’t see Sandy or Kirsten’s car in the driveway.  
  
But Summer was sitting on the front step smoking a cigarette. She embraced him before he could even say hello.  
  
“You’re a stupid stubborn motherfucker, you know that? You did not have to do this all by yourself,” Summer whispered.  
  
“Yeah, I did. She was my Mom. Nobody here even knew her. I didn’t want to bury her with a bunch of strangers, I needed to make my peace with her on my own,” Ryan said.  
  
She released him and gave him a long kiss.  
  
“I missed you,” he said.  
  
“I missed you, too.”  
  
“You look great,” Ryan said honestly. Her eyes weren’t as dull as they’d been before she went away.  
  
“I wish I could say the same about you. Let’s go get you out of those clothes, Caleb knows I’m here,” Summer said, linking arms with him and leading him inside.  
  
“The Cohens aren’t here,” Ryan said softly.  
  
“Apparently, you’ve got them scared off,” Summer replied. “I thought Kirsten was going to break down when I asked her why she didn’t go to the funeral.”  
  
“Well, nothing I can do about that now,” Ryan replied. “And if you’d heard what Seth said to me, you would understand why I don’t want to be there right now.”  
  
“What did he say?”  
  
“I live there, I don’t want you turning on him like you turned on the Nana. We’ll muddle through,” Ryan said, nodding to Caleb when he passed by the den.  
  
He was grateful that the old man didn’t follow him, but he knew that the Cohens would know soon that he was back.  
  
“Do you want to come home with me? Get some sleep? Make up for lost time?” Summer asked. “My dad suggested it.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah, he knows how much you’ve helped me after…after Marissa died. And he knows you need someone too,” Summer said.  
  
“I’ll ask Caleb,” Ryan conceded. He’d love to stay with Summer instead of brooding alone in Caleb’s massive mansion.  
  
“Let me, you get changed and pack your bag. Caleb’s a friend of Daddy’s, he’ll probably want to call and get extra permission.”  
  
Ryan took his suit off and hung it back in the bag so he’d remember to take it for dry cleaning.  
  
There had been a total of 10 people at the service, and that was counting the guards with Trey.  
  
He didn’t want the Cohens to see how pathetic his Mom was even in death.  
  
They pitied him enough already.  
  
Seth needed them more than he did. He’d get over this like he got over everything.  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
“We can’t let this go on. Ryan needs to come home, now more than ever. How long are we going to let him hide from us?” Kirsten demanded.  
  
“Honey…”  
  
“No more excuses. He comes home tomorrow, first thing. He should be here,” she said. “He just lost his mother and I know he needs to mourn, but he can do that here.”  
  
“He…I don’t know what to do, Kirsten. We’ve given him space and support and he still doesn’t want to come home,” Sandy admitted.  
  
“Have you asked Seth what happened between them?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“Have you?”  
  
“I…I don’t know if I want to know. He tried to tell me the first day we took him to therapy, but I thought…that they needed to work it out between themselves or else Ryan would think Seth was just apologizing because we told him to. But now, I’m not so sure,” she admitted. “I don’t know what to do either – but if he’s not here, we can’t do anything and that’s unacceptable. He’s come so far, Sandy, and I don’t want to lose him.”  
  


\---------------------------

  
  
“You want me to come in with you?” Summer asked, watching him shrug on his backpack.  
  
“It’s okay. I’ll call you later. And thanks, for everything last night. And the other times, too,” he smiled shyly.  
  
She drove away and he steadied himself as he walked inside, going to his room and putting his bag down.  
  
It was nice to be home. But he wasn’t looking forward to the long talks that he knew were headed his way.  
  
But he’d slept through the night at Summer’s for the first time in weeks and he felt slightly steadier because of it.  
  
“Hey,” Seth said quietly from the hallway.  
  
Ryan acknowledged him with a nod. He wasn’t ready to forgive Seth yet.  
  
“I’m sorry. For what I said, for how I’ve been acting…I’m sorry. You have no reason to forgive me…” he started.  
  
“Good. Because I don’t,” Ryan interrupted. “I got you something,” he said, pulling out the small calendar he’d gotten in Fresno. “I circled my birthday on it so you could keep a better count of when I’m out of your life. Wouldn’t want you to lose track,” he said, passing the calendar to him.  
  
“Ryan, I didn’t mean it, I’m…I was mad and not thinking straight…”  
  
“That must _suck_ for you,” Ryan replied coldly. “Are your parents here?”  
  
“They’re in the kitchen,” Seth said, staring at him, crestfallen. “I can’t do this without you, Ryan, you’re my best friend…”  
  
“No, I’m not. You’ve made that painfully obvious. I’m done looking out for you, cleaning up your messes and covering for you – done, you hear me? I tried to be there for you, I tried to help you but you don’t want my help and you don’t need my friendship. You’ve got lots of new friends, I’m sure they’ll help you,” Ryan said, pushing past him to go talk to Kirsten and Sandy.  
  
He had stuff to ask them.  
  
Kirsten embraced him tightly. “Honey, how are you doing?”  
  
“I’m okay. Thanks for letting me go by myself, it helped,” he lied. “Hey, Sandy,” he nodded.  
  
“Hey, kid. Sit down, have some coffee,” Sandy said.  
  
“No thanks, I ate at Summer’s place,” Ryan replied. “Can I talk to you guys about something?”  
  
“Of course,” Kirsten said, her eyes eager.  
  
“I’ve been thinking a lot about this summer and Mr. Adams says I can get into this program at MIT on a scholarship. I’d spend the summer there and get college credit for classes. I think I want to go,” Ryan said.  
  
“You want to go to Massachusetts for the summer?” Sandy asked, visibly surprised.  
  
“Yeah. I do. Me and Seth…we’re not really…friends right now. And I think if I go away for the summer it’ll help me get back to normal. I need something drama-free for a while,” Ryan said quietly. “I already applied, but I can’t go if you guys don’t approve.”  
  
“So you really want to go. You’re not just trying to avoid us,” Kirsten stated.  
  
“I think it’ll be good for everyone if I’m…not here,” Ryan replied. “Seth’s not getting better with me taking all of your attention and he needs to get better. And Dr. Adams said it might be good for me to get some pre-college experience outside of Harbor. I think I want to go.”  
  
“What about Summer? You going to leave her behind, too?” Sandy asked. Kirsten glared at him but Ryan didn’t mind. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy.  
  
“Summer thinks it’s a good idea, too. Her dad’s taking her to the Martha's Vineyard over the break, so I might even be able to see her a little,” Ryan answered. “She won’t be here, anyway. And if you don’t want me to go, then I’m going to see if Caleb will let me work full time so I can at least get some work experience in.”  
  
“Honey, I know how hard things have been for you these past few months…are you sure?” Kirsten asked.  
  
“Yes. I’m sure. It’ll be a couple of weeks before I hear anything, but it’ll be paid for and my meals and room and board are paid for so you…”  
  
“It’s not about the money,” Sandy sighed. “It’s about what’s best for you. Forgive us if we don’t think you belong all alone for the summer so soon after losing your mother…”  
  
Ryan got up from his seat at the counter. “I’ll be in my room.”  
  
“Don’t walk away, Ryan, we’re not saying no,” Kirsten called after him.  
  
But Ryan knew by their expressions that they didn’t want him to go.  
  
He went into his room and put his things away before turning on his Ipod and settling down to work on his assignments.  
  
He hadn't seriously considered going to MIT for the summer, but he didn't think he could sit around Newport and have to babysit Seth all summer either. Now that the Cohens knew what he was doing, he didn't think he could stay and deal with their disappointment in his lies. It would be three months that he wouldn't have to spend the Cohens' money or waste their time or mess up again where they would see it.  
  
It was the best thing he could think of. And Summer would be nearby and her father had already offered for him to stay at their house on the weekends while he was there. Neil hadn't even mentioned the Martha's Vineyard vacation until he'd told Summer his thoughts about MIT over breakfast. But she'd agreed wholeheartedly when it was offered and he had hoped that it was a sign that he was making the right choice.  
  
But he couldn't beg the Cohens for permission to go after what he'd done.  
  
He'd failed them. And he wasn't going to forgive Seth after everything that had happened.  
  
He just had to hope that they'd let him go and that it would help them make Seth better so if he came back, things wouldn't be this bad.  
  
He wanted them to make it better since that was something he'd never learned how to do.  
  


\---------------------------


	38. Chapter 38

"The summer's still a couple of months away," Kirsten said, snuggling into her husband's warm embrace.  
  
"It's a great opportunity. It means he's seriously considering college and to be honest, I didn’t think he'd ever manage that. But he's really just going to get away from us," Sandy replied.  
  
"Us, or Seth?"  
  
He stroked her hair. "All of us, I think. I knew Seth was struggling, Kirsten, you did too. Ryan spends all his nights over at Summer's we knew that from Neil, but Ryan missed curfew because he had to retrieve Seth from wherever he was partying. I'd see them come in and I didn't do anything. We let Ryan handle it, we let him think that Seth was his responsibility."  
  
She was silent. She hadn't considered it in those terms, but if she was honest with herself, she trusted Seth with Ryan unconditionally. He'd been taking care of Seth since the first time they met.  
  
"We dropped the ball."  
  
"Marissa...I didn't expect her to die. She made Seth so happy, even when she was going through tough times – Seth was still so happy to have her in his life...she wasn't supposed to die," Kirsten whispered.  
  
"How many warning signs did Julie and Jimmy miss with her? How many are we missing with our kids?" Sandy asked.  
  
She sat up, turning to him. "Don't say that! Our boys would never..."  
  
"Seth's never tried drugs before, either. We didn't think that would happen. And Ryan wouldn't even come to us when his mother died – we had to hear it from Caleb," Sandy said.  
  
"So what do we do? Sandy, how do we fix this?" Kirsten asked, needing him to have the answer.  
  
"Neil says the time away helped Summer. He said they actually talked. Maybe we should take the boys on a vacation, without the Nana element. Our first vacation crashed and burned, but maybe we can make it just the four of us this time," Sandy suggested.  
  
"You really think that will help?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"It would give us some time to try and talk to them without Newport bearing down on us. Without Seth walking outside every day and seeing the house Marissa died in with the For Sale sign in the yard. Without Ryan waking up surrounded by the expectations that he feels like we have for him. No homework, no Newport, just...family," Sandy said.  
  
"I'll plan this one. No plane trips or bitter in-laws," she said, lying down again and settling against him.  
  
"I'll work it out with the school and talk it over with Seth's therapist," Sandy said, kissing her.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan was drinking coffee with his backpack hanging off one shoulder.  
  
"Hey," Seth said, nervously, hoping for a better reception than his first attempt.  
  
It was weird that he'd actually started talking to the therapist and it didn't suck. He'd spent over an hour yesterday explaining to the woman how much he'd hurt his best friend and he knew that he couldn't back off. He had to keep apologizing and prove to Ryan that he was genuine.  
  
He'd lost Marissa. He couldn't lose Ryan, too. He needed him.  
  
Especially since this was his first day back at Harbor after the accident and he was going to have to explain to his friends that he couldn't get high anymore.  
  
He couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to, no matter how much it helped – he couldn't. And it didn't help in the long term – just in the moment and...it had made everything so much harder now.  
  
He'd never had his parents look at him the way they looked at him now. He'd broken their trust and he hadn't known how much it meant to him until it was taken away.  
  
He needed Ryan today – even if he didn't talk to him, he still needed him to just stick with him so he wouldn't let himself go back to that part of his crowd.  
  
Ryan finally met his gaze and nodded, not saying anything.  
  
"So, school, huh?" Seth asked, sitting down.  
  
"Your parents aren't up yet, you don't have to pretend to talk to me," Ryan said, draining the mug and putting it in the sink. "Summer's picking me up, I'll see your mom at work," he added, turning to leave.  
  
"Ryan. I...I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to make it up to you, to Mom and Dad...but I can't do it by myself," Seth said, quietly. "I'm sorry..."  
  
Ryan glanced at him. "I'm sorry, too. But I can't help you. Not anymore." He walked out of the kitchen leaving Seth alone.  
  


* * *

  
  
Summer spotted Seth sitting alone in the courtyard when she went outside to look for Ryan at lunch.  
  
It hadn't been as bad as she thought and Holly and Anna had stuck close to her for the first half of the day, giving whispering freshmen angry glares if they caught anyone talking about her dead best friend.  
  
She could do this.  
  
It was reminiscent of when Marissa was in rehab, but this time, she wasn't coming back.  
  
Summer couldn't be known as the _'chick who had a breakdown junior year'_ , she was better than that.  
  
And Seth was better than _'the kid whose girlfriend killed herself'_. Especially now.  
  
Anna and Zach had filled her in on the stuff she'd missed, the stuff Ryan hadn't told her about and she knew it was time for drastic measures.  
  
She put her bag down and pulled the chair up to face him. "Hey, Cohen."  
  
"Summer. Hey, it's good to see you," he said. "Does Ryan know you're here, like with _me_?"  
  
"I can't find him, I think he's been eating lunch in Dr. Adams' office since I've been out and you've been spiraling. How's that going? Lose any more friends lately? Crash any more cars? Broke any more priceless vases?"  
  
Seth flushed. "So, you're back in the loop, I see. I didn't mean to break Chip's mom's vase. Or my dad's car. Or to hurt Ryan. Things...they're not the same now."  
  
"I know, Cohen. Marissa...she was a part of my life a lot longer than she was a part of yours," Summer said. "I don't even know who I am without her – so if anyone knows how much this it messed up, it's me," she added. "I knew Marissa wasn't...emotionally stable a long time before you even knew she had issues. This isn't your fault, it isn't my fault...it's just...what happened."  
  
"Sorry," Seth said.  
  
"We can't let...we can't let Marissa take our lives away, too," Summer said shakily. The concept of this had been simple, but actually talking about Marissa wasn't. It was still a little soon for her, but it was also long overdue.  
  
Seth sighed.  
  
"You've got to make up with Ryan. This...what you're doing – it's killing him, Seth. He needs you just as much as you need him. Oliver, Marissa and then his mom – god, Seth, he's...he's not as tough as he pretends to be. And these past few weeks, he's been so busy taking care of you and taking care of me that he's just...floundering," she whispered. "We've had our time to wallow, it's time we snap out of it and start taking care of the people we have left that matter."  
  
"I know, and I've apologized, I'm trying, Summer, but he's so mad and he...he hates me, Summer. I made him hate me. I'd do anything to take back what I said, and did, to him," Seth said.  
  
She tapped her finger on the table. "Keep trying. Ryan sucks at holding a grudge and I know how much he loves you."  
  
"Thanks, Summer. I will. It's really good to see you," Seth said.  
  
Luke and Chip walked over with their lunch trays. "Summer, hey girl," Luke said, hugging her.  
  
Chip was glaring at Seth. "Figured you'd be behind the gym smoking with your buddies."  
  
"I fucked up. Everything. I'm sorry, man. I was in a weird place and I'm...I'm trying to get myself out of the shithole I've dug for myself," Seth said, steadying himself and meeting Chip's gaze.  
  
Chip held his glare for a long moment before embracing Summer and sitting down. "Apology noted." He pointed at Seth. "But don't do it again. I got that phase out of my system freshman year..."  
  
"He wrecked my Dad's Porsche," Luke interjected with a nod.  
  
"Yeah, so you get one free pass since you're new to the partying thing. But seriously? You were much cooler when you weren't fucked up all the time," Chip added.  
  
"I'm going to find Ryan, you boys play nice," Summer said, her stomach settling as Seth regained some color in his cheeks.  
  
"How's he doing? With his mom and everything?" Luke asked.  
  
"He's...dealing, like he always does. I'll see you guys later," she said, smiling at him.  
  


* * *

  
Kirsten smiled sadly when she followed the architect's directions to the back cubicle where Ryan was sleeping soundly with his head leaned on a sheet of blueprints.  
  
She pulled up a chair and put her hand on his neck, rubbing her thumb softly over the bare skin until he opened his eyes and sat up.  
  
"Sorry, is it five already?" he asked.  
  
"No, it's only four or so. And I'm sure you needed the nap, you haven't been sleeping well for a while now," Kirsten replied.  
  
"What's up?" he asked, evading her comment like he always did.  
  
"I know you always go over to Summer's when you leave the office, but I want you to come home for dinner tonight. We're going to start having dinner together, as a family. You can go over to Summer's afterward, or before, but dinner's at seven sharp," she said.  
  
"Okay. We haven't done that in a while, I didn't think," he said, his face flashing with confusion.  
  
"I know, we let things slide for the past few weeks, but we have to get back on track. Normally, I'd tell you Summer's welcome to join us, but tonight, we'd like it to just be the four of us. I know you're not happy with Seth and this isn't me telling that you have to be, Sandy and I love you as a son whether you're friends with Seth or not...but we're still family and dinner's at seven."  
  
He nodded, not saying anything.  
  
"Okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll be there."  
  
"And about this summer...Sandy and I would never ask you to turn down an opportunity like that. But we're worried about you and we want what's best for you...and lately, we're not sure that you're as okay as you keep saying you are. I'm glad you applied and that you're thinking of your future, but you've only been in our lives a short time and we've missed out on so much of your life already...I just want what's best for you," she said, taking his hand impulsively. "I want you to be happy. It seems like so long since you've been happy."  
  
"I'll be home at seven," Ryan whispered.  
  
"All right," she said, releasing his hand and standing up. "I'll see you at home."  
  
She hoped that he'd at least taken in some of her words even if he couldn't respond to them yet. She needed Ryan to come back to them.  
  


* * *

  
"We'll be by to pick you up at eight, have you home by eleven," Holly said, Summer nodding to him from the backseat.  
  
"Thanks," Ryan said, leaning in to kiss Summer goodbye again before walking up the front steps.  
  
Summer had taken a huge turn for the better and he was glad she was letting her other friends back in after her self-imposed isolation.  
  
Her dad had really helped and she hoped that the Cohens would do the same for Seth.  
  
Seth's apologies had registered, but he had too much history with fake apologies to take them at face value.  
  
Seth wanted his parents to forgive him. Seth didn't consider Ryan anything more than a 'playmate' or a 'chaperone'. When Seth didn't have any friends, he loved having Ryan around, but now that he had friends of his own, Ryan was dispensable.  
  
And it hurt.  
  
Ryan was tired of hurting. And even if he had to live in the same house with him, it was easier to just ignore him than it would be to forgive him just to be hurt again.  
  
"Hi, honey," Kirsten said, kissing his cheek as he walked into the kitchen. The table was already set and the food smelled good.  
  
He hadn't had an appetite since Marissa died, but he knew they'd make him eat just like everyone else did.  
  
Sandy walked in with Seth and winked at him, patting him on the back. "Let's eat guys, before it gets cold."  
  
"Yeah, Mom's history with microwaves isn't just going to disappear," Seth joked softly.  
  
"I ordered from Rodino's, so hopefully it'll be something that we'll eat in one sitting," Kirsten said.  
  
Ryan took a sip of water and waited for Seth to load his plate before accepting the passed tray of lasagna. "Thanks."  
  
"Anything happen at school today?" Sandy asked conversationally.  
  
Ryan shrugged. School was school.  
  
"It was Summer's first day back. And Chip and Luke had lunch with me even though they were pissed at the way I've been acting," Seth said.  
  
"How'd Summer do?" Kirsten asked Ryan.  
  
"She did good. She's better after her time away. Holly and Anna helped," Ryan said. He glanced at Seth. "She talked to Seth and I think that helped, too."  
  
Seth seemed surprised. "She told you? Yeah, we had a good talk. She helped me put stuff in perspective."  
  
Sandy and Kirsten were obviously waiting for Seth to continue.  
  
He poked at his pasta for a long moment before glancing at Ryan again. "She said that she knew Marissa was messed up a long time before I did and that there wasn't anything that we could do to help her. She said it wasn't our fault and that we should focus on the people we have left and make sure we don't lose anyone else."  
  
The table was silent.  
  
"Smart girl," Sandy said finally.  
  
"Sandy and I want to talk to you guys about something," Kirsten said quietly, nibbling on a roll as she tried to pretend like she wasn't watching them.  
  
"Fire away," Seth said when nobody responded right away.  
  
"Kirsten has rented us a cabin for a week, and before anybody freaks out, it's not real camping, it has satellite TV in every room and a full kitchen and indoor bathrooms," Sandy said.  
  
"Newport's been a little bumpy lately and I think we need time to reconnect. It's isolated, but only a short drive into town and there's a lake for swimming or sailing, Seth, and we think it might be good for all of us to take a break," Kirsten said.  
  
"No plane ride, no Nana," Sandy directed at Ryan.  
  
He knew better than to try to get out of it.  
  
"Sounds okay," Seth said finally.  
  
"Yeah. Sounds fine," Ryan said. "Cool," he added, but couldn't fake the enthusiasm they needed.  
  
"We've made arrangements with Dr. Kim so you might get extra assignments to turn in, but she's promised to limit the amount of homework so you won't spend the whole time studying," Sandy said.  
  
"When?" Ryan asked.  
  
"We'll drive up Friday, should get there by early afternoon," Sandy said.  
  


* * *


	39. Chapter 39

Ryan was surprised when Sandy followed him into his bedroom after dinner.  
  
He'd been hoping to make a quick escape, but he should have known better than to think anything would be easy considering his life lately.  
  
"Do you have a minute?" Sandy asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm just changing before Summer picks me up. We're going to a movie," Ryan said.  
  
"That's good, I'm glad you guys are going out again, and I do mean 'out'.  
  
"What's on your mind?" Ryan asked.  
  
"I called your PCP today. Dr. Adams and Mr. Jenkins aren't the only people worried about you and how you're sleeping. Some of your friends from work and Kirsten, we've all noticed that you're...you're not sleeping, Ryan," Sandy said.  
  
Ryan sighed. "Yeah, so what's new?"  
  
"It's not getting better. If anything, it's getting worse," Sandy said.  
  
It was true, but he'd...he'd tried everything he could think of already.  
  
"The doctor prescribed something for you. It's safe and it's only to help you regulate your sleep habits, it's not addictive and it's not meant for long term use," Sandy said, putting a small bottle of blue pills in his hand.  
  
"Pills?" Ryan asked doubtfully.  
  
"Would you prefer therapy? Let's try this first," Sandy said, catching his frown.  
  
"One a night, and you think it'll help?" Ryan asked finally.  
  
"If it will help you sleep for a solid few hours, it'll be an improvement," Sandy said. He lowered his voice. "I haven't helped you much these past few weeks. I let you believe that you were Seth's caretaker instead of treating you like a son. I...I think of you like a son, but I haven't given you the respect and attention you deserve. I'm sorry."  
  
"I should've told you about Seth," Ryan replied quietly.  
  
"You shouldn't have _had_ to tell me, I should have realized it for myself. I know you tried to help him, Seth's told me as much. And even though neither of you told me, I know he hit you that night, I know he gave you the bruise on your face and that...it's not right, Ryan. He's being punished and that was included in his list of sins because nobody has the right to hit you, especially not your family. We all let you down."  
  
"It's over now. And he knows if he hits me again, I'll hit him back," Ryan said honestly.  
  
"I can't ask you to forgive him for how he treated you. And I shouldn't ask you to forgive _me_ for how I treated you. But I hope that one day you'll be able to give me another chance to make this feel like your home again, make it be somewhere you're happy," Sandy said, standing up. "I'll leave you to primp."  
  
"Sandy?" he called as the man stepped into the hallway, waiting for his eager glance. "I don't primp."  
  


* * *

  
  
Kirsten watched subtly as Ryan and Seth loaded their bags into the Rover, looking for any sign that they'd made up, but seeing nothing.  
  
She'd never seen Ryan use his Ipod outside of his room before but he had the earbuds trailing from his ear into his pocket and barely spared Seth a glance as he rearranged his much smaller bag to make room for Seth's suitcase.  
  
She didn’t think it would be easy, but she hadn't expected their feud to last this long.  
  
Ryan had a right to be angry, but Seth seemed to be apologetic and making a genuine effort to climb out of his depression. Ryan's silent treatment wasn't helping, but Seth was visibly trying.  
  
But she knew she was probably biased so she couldn't betray Ryan's trust and push him.  
  
He'd taken the sleeping pills like clockwork all week and the circles under his eyes had faded from bruises to shadows. And Dr. Adams had updated her that he'd stopped taking naps in his office over lunch and was actually eating instead of napping for that period.  
  
It was a small blessing and she hoped his lessened exhaustion would help him open up to them more.  
  
But the opportunity for roadtrip bonding was lost once she climbed in the passenger side and saw Seth putting his headphones on and settling in with his comics.  
  
Sandy took her hand across the gearshift and she held on tight.  
  


* * *

  
There were three bedrooms upstairs and Ryan waited until Seth picked the room he wanted before taking the one furthest from him.  
  
It had become clear that this was a 'bonding' vacation and he wanted to hang onto his privacy as long as he could.  
  
He distracted himself from his heavy thoughts by putting his clothes away in the drawers and lying down on the soft bed with the TV on some old sports game to simply fill the silent.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten had been baiting him all week building up to the trip. Telling him that they didn't want to lose him. Asking him to talk.  
  
What the hell was he supposed to even say? They knew the gist of what had gone down between him and Seth, and even though they insisted they weren't pressuring him to forgive him, they clearly _needed him to_ in order to convince them he was okay.  
  
But he wasn't okay and he obviously wasn't good at pretending he was.  
  
Even with the sleeping pills, he'd wake up with Oliver's blood on his face, or with Marissa's cold wrist in his hand. But more frequent were the dreams about his mom.  
  
He couldn’t tell them about that, they just wanted him to sleep and make his teachers happy.  
  
So he swallowed the pills and he wouldn't get up to get water or a cigarette when the nightmares woke him up. He'd lie in bed and fall back into the same dream.  
  
He felt more exhausted the mornings after taking the pills than he'd felt when he wasn't sleeping but he had to do what they wanted.  
  
He could placate them up to a point.  
  
He left the TV on and slipped the Ipod back into his ears before settling down to read the first novel he packed.  
  
At least he'd get some reading done. The MIT program had an intensive reading list and he wanted to be ready.  
  


* * *

  
Sandy hummed to himself as he finished the final sub and carried it to the table.  
  
They'd finally learned what foods Ryan liked to eat and he'd made sure to make the sub exactly the way Ryan ordered his from the local deli. He hoped it would show Ryan how much they paid attention to him, even if they didn't say it.  
  
Seth was already nibbling on his sandwich when Ryan came to the table with Kirsten following him.  
  
"Hungry?" Sandy asked.  
  
"All that reading has to have worked up an appetite," Kirsten joked.  
  
Ryan smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Thanks, it looks great."  
  
"Yeah, dad, it's really good," Seth said.  
  
"What do you guys want to do tomorrow?" Sandy asked, hoping to inspire some enthusiasm.  
  
"Dunno. They're having a Matrix marathon on Cinemax tomorrow," Seth shrugged.  
  
"How about hiking? There's a great trail up the road a little that's pretty simple. It leads up the hills to a little waterfall," Kirsten suggested.  
  
"That sounds okay," Seth said, giving her a weak smile.  
  
"What about you, kid, are you up for a hike?" Sandy asked Ryan.  
  
"I don't really like heights, so she lost me at _'hill'_ ," Ryan replied quietly. "I thought I'd just stick around here, read my book out on the docks where it's quiet."  
  
"It's not a mountain, Ryan, I'm sure it won't be that high," Kirsten said.  
  
"I'll go if you want me to," Ryan replied after a beat. "But I'd rather stay here."  
  
Sandy managed to control his emotion and gave Kirsten a sympathetic look before turning to Ryan. "I'll stick around here, too, keep you company."  
  
Ryan shrugged indifferently. "You can go, I'm not going to drown or anything."  
  
"Dad and the outdoors don't mix well," Seth commented quietly.  
  
"I'll try not to make too much noise and disturb your quiet," Sandy said finally, not knowing where this plan had gone so awry.  
  


* * *

  
  
He knew he'd upset Kirsten refusing her suggestion of hiking and he knew he'd disappointed Sandy by making the man feel like he had to stay behind to watch him, but he had been honest just like they always told him they wanted him to be and he wasn't going to apologize.  
  
Apologizing didn't work. It was just a phrase, just words; and words didn't mean anything.  
  
He'd made it to the stairs, within sight of his room upstairs, when he realized Seth was behind him.  
  
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I can't just deal with stuff as smoothly as you do, I'm sorry that I was so fucking angry and sad and mixed up that I lost control," Seth blurted out.  
  
"You think just because I don't cry or go out getting wasted makes it any easier for me?" Ryan snapped. "You're such a _jerk_. I've _never_ had anybody to help me, Seth, when I was upset or hurt or sad, it was all on me – but I was there for you, your parents were there for you – you had all these other options but you decided to do everything you could to hurt the people that cared about you and I just...I can't do this anymore – I'm not wasting any more time helping people that don't care..."  
  
"I do care – Ryan, you're my best friend, we're brothers – " Seth started.  
  
"Trey's my brother. And he might not be the best brother in the world, but he's all I got, he's all I've ever had..." Ryan replied. He met Seth's glittering gaze. "People die, Seth. People die every fucking day. And it doesn't matter how hard we try, we can't stop it. I tried for years to get my mom to give a shit and she's dead. You tried to get Marissa to give a shit – and she's dead. I tried to make you give a shit and you ran your dad's car into a streetlight," he said.  
  
"What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm sorry?" Seth asked.  
  
"Being sorry has never fixed anything," Ryan said. "You said once that you were sorry you ever asked your dad to take me in, but I'm still here. Marissa said she was sorry in her note, but she's still dead." He looked at Seth again. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell your parents the first time you tried cocaine, because even if you hated me for it – maybe I wouldn't hate you this much – but it doesn't change anything because there's nothing we can do about it now."  
  
He didn't pause in his trek up the stairs even though Kirsten was standing outside the dining room with a shocked look on her face, clearly having heard everything.  
  
It didn't matter.  
  
At least she couldn't say he didn't talk enough this time.  
  
He didn't slam the door but he locked it and went over to take his goodnight pill.  
  
He welcomed the sleep tonight and hoped it would stick around until it was time to go home.  
  


* * *


	40. Chapter 40

Seth had sobbed in her arms for over half an hour after Ryan's outburst.  
  
Sandy had waited until Seth was calm before going up and knocking on Ryan's door, but the muted snoring convinced him to extend his cooling off period to the next morning.  
  
In Kirsten's mind, that was way too long.  
  
She hadn't known that Ryan's isolation ran that deep. She'd stopped stressing about Ryan's quiet personality, accepting that he wasn't quiet because he didn't trust them, but he was simply a quiet person.  
  
But it wasn't like that at all.  
  
 _'I've never had anybody to help me,'_ he'd said.  
  
She and Sandy wanted to help him so much, but he'd never actually turned to them for it. Even when Taylor had almost been assaulted, he'd only called them because he was going to be late.  
  
Before Seth had started therapy, she'd heard him say some hateful things to Ryan, calling him a 'suck up' because of his report cards and his willingness to do the errands they gave him. They'd never given Seth errands.  
  
She was beginning to realize that in the grand scheme of things, they'd gone down the wrong path in trying to be parents to Ryan. Even if they felt like they were his parents, he didn't feel like he was their son.  
  
He had been acting like he was their 'project', like he had to get straight A's and behave and take care of Seth without doing anything for himself apart from what they told him to do.  
  
And she'd let so much slip by her, Seth's unwarranted anger at Ryan – she would have never let him talk to her or Sandy that way, but she hadn't censored him when she'd overhear the things he'd say to Ryan.  
  
She'd been a fool to think Ryan would come to them. She was his guardian, not his mother.  
  
And she'd let him bury his mother without anyone with him. How must have that looked to Trey, to see his baby brother standing alone in the church when he was walked in by the guards?  
  
 _'Being sorry has never fixed anything,'_ Ryan had said.  
  
But she had to try and fix this.  
  
She couldn't lose Ryan, not when he'd only been with their family for such a short time.  
  
But she wanted him to want to be here. She didn't want him to stay just because he thought it was what _they_ wanted. She didn't want him to stay just because he didn't have anywhere else to go. She wanted him to want to be a Cohen.  
  


* * *

  
  
Sandy adjusted his flannel shirt and the mug of coffee he'd fixed for Ryan and knocked on the door.  
  
It had been locked the night before so he was relieved when the knob turned after a short moment and swung open.  
  
The relief left quickly when he saw that Ryan was dressed and showered, obviously having been awake longer than he thought.  
  
The kid was damn quiet.  
  
Sandy didn't want to know why the kid was so trained to be invisible.  
  
"Coffee?" Sandy offered.  
  
"Thanks. You trying to be a lumberjack or something?" Ryan asked, accepting the coffee and stepping back to sit down on his impeccably made bed.  
  
"No, Kirsten doesn't like me wearing her shoes. But it's a little chilly outside and I'm hoping to convince you to go on an adventure with me," Sandy said.  
  
Ryan's eyes were dull when he glanced up, but the shrug was even weaker than his gaze.  
  
"Please?" Sandy asked, putting his hand on his shoulder carefully. "I don't get to go on many adventures and I'd really like you to come. No heights."  
  
He didn't consider it a big accomplishment, more like a polite order that Ryan was simply obeying, but he was compliant as always and didn't ask any questions even as he was loading the cooler and fishing rods into the small boat he'd rented for the week.  
  
"Are we really going fishing? Can't you lecture me, like on land?" Ryan asked finally, once they were both seated in the boat.  
  
"This isn't a lecture trip, it's a fishing trip. I, personally, have never been fishing and it's always been a wish of mine to try it out to see why it's such a big deal," Sandy said, keeping his voice light.  
  
"I've never _wanted_ to go fishing," Ryan replied deadpan, avoiding his gaze and frowning at his life jacket over his sweatshirt.  
  
He'd told Ryan to leave his Ipod in his room so he wouldn't drop it in the lake and the kid had reluctantly left that layer of isolation behind.  
  
"Can I have my moment of middle age until I can buy my motorcycle?" Sandy smiled.  
  
Ryan nodded and he realized with a chill that he'd just done it again. Made Ryan feel like he had to placate them.  
  
But he had to do it. The only thing Ryan wanted to do for himself was to _be_ by himself.  
  
Sandy started the small motor like the rental guy had taught him and soon they were skimming through the water at a leisurely pace.  
  
He caught Ryan's glance and nod toward a small cove to their left and he guided the tiny boat in that direction before coasting to a stop and dropping the small anchor so they wouldn't drift too close to shore.  
  
"Nice pick, I was having too much fun driving to consider where the fish would be," Sandy told him, moving carefully forward to the seat closer to Ryan and the fishing rods.  
  
"I don't know where the fish are, but it's nice here," Ryan replied after a moment.  
  
"Quiet," Sandy said and Ryan gave him a furtive nod.  
  


* * *

  
Ryan wasn't sure what Sandy's plan was, and after threading the first wriggling worm onto his hook, he wasn't sure if he even cared what it was.  
  
This had to be punishment for something.  
  
But so far, Sandy hadn't started in on a lecture, instead he seemed genuinely excited when he dropped his line into the water and actually clapped when the cork bounced as the line pulled it tight.  
  
He'd never seen Sandy favor Seth that much and he wondered what had taken that naïveté from the man.  
  
Not that Seth was naïve anymore.  
  
As angry and hurt as he was, he missed his friend. Not the stoned, angry one, but the funny, friendly one.  
  
But he knew Seth would never be that again. Not after Marissa.  
  
Ryan saw the flicker of motion from Sandy's cork bobbing near his own and glanced at him.  
  
He was digging in the bag for the thermos of coffee and wasn't paying any attention, even as his rod bent and the cork went completely under.  
  
"Sandy, head's up," Ryan said, grabbing the net from under his seat.  
  
Sandy glanced up in surprise, grabbing his fishing rod excitedly and spinning the handle to reel in his prize.  
  
"You think it's a big one?" Ryan asked.  
  
"How big do they get?" Sandy replied, grinning.  
  
Ryan leaned over the edge of the boat with the net and saw the cork reach the top of the water an instant before Sandy's fish appeared.  
  
He put the net down but didn't fight his smile as Sandy continued to reel and raised the tiny fish into the boat.  
  
"How'd he eat that whole worm?" Sandy asked, laughing openly.  
  
Ryan carefully pulled the hook out of the fish's mouth and put him in the bucket of water built into the boat's floor.  
  
"We can't eat that one, Ryan, he's too small," Sandy said, curiously.  
  
"Yeah, but he's your first fish, maybe we'll put him in an aquarium or something," Ryan said, sitting down.  
  
Sandy busied himself baiting his hook again.  
  
"Hey, Sandy? I'd much rather help you buy a motorcycle than play with worms and fish," he said.  
  
Sandy grinned. "I'll let you know when Kirsten finally gives me permission."  
  


* * *

  
It had taken over an hour, but Kirsten and Seth had finally reached the waterfall.  
  
"God, it's beautiful, Mom," Seth said. "Just like in the movies. I always thought _'outdoors'_ was just a CGI myth, like the moon landing."  
  
"I'm starving after that walk, let's sit down before we head back, maybe take some pictures to show your Dad and Ryan."  
  
Seth winced at the thought of asking Ryan to look at a picture he'd taken.  
  
Yesterday's attempt at apologizing had crashed and burned in a fashion he hadn't expected.  
  
Ryan was just so... _mad_.  
  
Ryan had never yelled at him, even when he was being a dick – he'd just taken it...he'd never hit Seth, even when he deserved it.  
  
He sat down beside his mom on the blanket she'd spread out in the shade and took the bottle of juice she handed him from the backpack.  
  
"Do you...do you think Ryan's mom ever told him she loved him?" he asked suddenly.  
  
His mom seemed shocked but recovered after a moment. "I don’t know, Seth. Why are you asking?"  
  
"Because...I know she used to yell at him, like, all the time. And she never thought he was good enough, she was always telling him he was worthless," Seth said. "But he still loved her, like, always."  
  
Her face softened. "Seth, honey, Ryan just needs time and support and he'll...he'll forgive you eventually."  
  
"Are you sure?" Seth asked. "Because if there's one think I've learned from all this, is that even if he _says_ he's okay with it, it's all the things he'll never say that matters in the end. I think I knew him so well that I knew exactly what to say to hurt him – but mom, I didn't think...I wasn't thinking, okay? I didn't want to think because thinking always ended up with Marissa lying dead in her bedroom." He took a deep breath to steady himself. "Ryan was just...there, and since I can't yell at Marissa or bring her back, I yelled at him and...pushed him away. I...I know I'm spoiled, I know I've had a much better life than Ryan's had and I know I hurt him and that it's selfish to want his forgiveness...but he's my best friend...and I don't know what to do to prove it to him."  
  


* * *

  
  
Sandy was pleased to see that Ryan had loosened up after the first few successful catches and ate the sandwich for lunch without having to be told.  
  
It was such a contrast to the Ryan of the past few months that he wasn't sure he should shatter it by bringing up...well, anything.  
  
"I knew Mom was going to die," Ryan said, breaking the silence over the chirping birds and frogs.  
  
Sandy couldn’t think fast enough to respond before he continued.  
  
"Her veins were fucked up beyond repair. The couple of times I took her to the ER when she was overdosing, the nurses took forever to put the IV in, and they always ended up using her neck. She'd make me shoot her drugs into her neck after that," Ryan said. "I'd known enough people that died to know she wouldn't last if she kept using. And Trey warned me enough times that I'd accepted that she'd die with or without my help."  
  
Sandy waited for Ryan to look at him before daring to stop him.  
  
"When I got to the accident after Seth crashed the car, I could see that he was fucked up. And he screamed and fought and hit me, just like Mom would always do. And then the cops put him in the ambulance and told me he was OD'ing on something, it was just...surreal. And then Kirsten sent me home and I didn't even know how he was doing until after they'd told me my Mom had been rotting for three days in a dirty hotel bathroom. And the first thing he says to me when he comes in is that my mom was a junkie whore and that he couldn't wait for me to be out of his life."  
  
"Ryan," Sandy whispered.  
  
"She was grey and dead and zipped up in a plastic bag and instead of being able to process it, he says that and it's like...why am I even here, Sandy?"  
  
"You're here because Kirsten and I love you and want..." he started.  
  
"No, that's not what I mean. Why am I here?" Ryan asked, still refusing to look at him but the emotion in his voice betraying his meaning.  
  
"You're here because you're a survivor. You're here because as much bad as you've been given, you've given back good threefold. You protected Seth from the water polo team and you turned them into friends. You saved Taylor from perverts and you took a bullet for the guy who was fucking the love of your life. You helped give Marissa some of the happiest days of her life and you've changed Summer from a lioness into a kitten. You melted the Newpsie ice right out of Kirsten's heart and you gave me another son," Sandy said. "You gave your mother the unconditional love that she couldn't get anywhere else in the world."  
  
Ryan fidgeted with his fishing rod, but gave Sandy a short glance and for the first time in weeks, he could see behind his eyelashes to the boy underneath.  
  
Then he stared off across the lake again and Sandy had to force himself not to 'rock the boat' and crush the boy in the hug he wanted to give him.  
  
"The pills make the dreams worse. Harder to wake up from," Ryan stated quietly. "Now when they unzip the body bag, I see Seth inside. Or when the gun goes off in the hotel, it's Marissa's brains on the wall. And it's always the same, I can't do anything, nobody hears me screaming, they just walk by like I'm not there."  
  
Sandy put his fishing rod in the holder and moved deliberately to the middle cooler making sure Ryan saw that he was coming closer. He put a hand on Ryan's shoulder and let out his breath when he didn't tense.  
  
"You're not invisible. You are not forgettable. You are just as important to me as Seth. If you talk to me, I promise I will always listen to you."  
  


* * *

  
  
Kirsten glanced into the living room to reassure herself that Seth was still settled with his Ipod and comics and returned her attention to the ready-made casserole sent by Rosa complete with explicit reheating instructions.  
  
She put the finishing touches on the plastic wrap and put the dish into the oven on the correct temperature.  
  
"Oh, honey, no," Sandy said, walking in with Ryan and immediately taking the over mitts from her and putting the dish back on the counter. "She said 'tinfoil' not, 'plastic wrap', plastic wrap doesn't go in the oven," he explained, amused.  
  
Fishing must have gone better than she expected.  
  
"Did you guys catch anything?" she asked Ryan.  
  
"Yes, but we threw them all back, Ryan got a little attached to them," Sandy said.  
  
"I didn't want to cook them after they'd already had such a bad day," Ryan said quietly.  
  
She smiled, squeezing his shoulder. "Thank you for indulging my husband and keeping him from making us eat fish for dinner," she said, kissing his cheek.  
  
"How was the hike?" Sandy asked.  
  
"It was beautiful, but we're worn out. Nichols and Cohens aren't really built for long hikes," Kirsten said.  
  
"I'm going to take a shower and get the 'fish' off," Ryan said quietly, walking upstairs.  
  
"How'd it go?" she whispered when they were alone.  
  
"We talked a little. It was okay. I wasn't sure I was going to get anything out of him, he's got...he's got a lot on his mind. But he's going to be okay, he just needs some peace and quiet and hopefully he'll keep opening up if we keep standing by him," Sandy replied.  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"Later," Sandy told her.  
  
She trusted Sandy. She just hoped he was right about this.  
  


* * *


	41. Chapter 41

  
Seth glanced up as his dad walked into the room with a small fish in a clear glass jar.  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
“This is our new family pet. The first fish I ever caught. I’m thinking of naming him Dennis,” his dad said proudly.  
  
“Dennis seems cool,” Seth said, tapping the jar. He didn’t want to admit that Dennis probably wouldn’t live long; the Cohens had never done well with pets.  
  
Seth could see his dad was just as surprised as he was when Ryan appeared at the bottom of the stairs without having been summoned.  
  
“Dennis,” Sandy said, grinning and pointing at the fish.  
  
“Nice name,” Ryan said, holding a book in his hand. “I’m going to go outside and sit by the lake,” he added.  
  
“All right, don’t go too far, it’ll be dark soon,” his dad said.  
  
“I’ll stay by the dock,” Ryan said. He looked at Seth. “You can come if you want.” Then he walked out.  
  
Seth glanced at his dad. Then at Dennis. But neither one of them said anything.  
  
But he didn’t wait for his Dad’s instruction to follow and got to his feet, spotting Ryan by the dock.  
  
Ryan was sitting on the small swing beside the lake and Seth sat down, careful not to make it swing too much.  
  
“Is your book good?” That had to be an innocent question...  
  
“It’s okay. Kind of gruesome, but it’s about war, so…” Ryan said, not looking up.  
  
Seth listened to the water lapping at the shore and tried not to climb out of his skin.  
  
“I always envied the way you could draw. In the margins of your notebook, on napkins at the diner, on the walls of the bathrooms at school when I’d take too long to wash my hands. I know it’s stupid, but I figured you purged all your nightmares on the page so you didn’t have them waking you up at night because you’d got them out of your head,” Ryan said quietly. "I can't draw."  
  
Seth was surprised. Ryan never said what he expected him to say. “I always envied you for how you dealt with stuff. You always knew what to do and you always had control over everything,” he replied. He hesitated, wondering how much to say. “The truth is, I never…I didn’t have nightmares about real stuff until Marissa died.”  
  
“You didn’t dream about Oliver?” Ryan asked, focused on him fully now.  
  
“You were with me. I…I wasn’t scared, I mean, I always feel safe when you’re with me,” Seth confessed. “I mean, I dreamed about the shooting, but I’d always wake up before he shot himself. I blocked it out, I think…”  
  
Ryan was silent.  
  
“I…I hurt you. I’m sorry. I think because I knew you wouldn’t let me down that I used you to lash out…I hit you where I knew it would hurt you, I wanted you to feel the pain that I was feeling and I just…I messed up. I didn’t mean it, any of it,” Seth whispered. "You've been there for me since the first time I met you and I...I'm sorry."  
  
“I’m tired, Seth. I’m tired of being the one to always have to pick up the pieces. I’m tired of always having to be the one that has to forgive everyone. You run me down for over a month and go to therapy for, like, two times and I’m the stubborn one with issues because I can't just shrug off all the things you said to me. Suddenly, I’m the one that needs to apologize for making things hard for _you_. But I’m not doing this to make things hard for you,” Ryan said quietly.  
  
Seth waited for him to continue, but he looked at his book again.  
  
Finally, he spoke. “I don’t need your apologies, or your parents breathing down my neck.” He glanced at him. “If you start using again, they’ll blame me for not supporting you. They blame me now for not telling them, and even if they say they don’t, they do. How do I know you’re not just saying you’re sorry to placate them and get your grounding lifted? And why should I believe you?”  
  
Seth realized what Ryan was getting at. “Actions louder that words. I…I know…” He took a deep breath. “Summer had to prove herself to you before you could forgive her, so did Anna and Taylor…and I can prove it to you, too.” He leaned over. “I’m sorry that...that I even have to. I've never had to deal with something like this before, like, when my Grandma died, I was a little kid, I've never had to feel like... _this_ before. Losing something I loved _so much._ I've always gotten what I wanted, if my toy broke, Mom and Dad would get me a new one, and I've never had friends of my own so I...I didn't know how hard it was to lose them."  
  
Ryan was still looking at him, but once Seth made eye contact, he looked down at his book again.  
  
"Can you...do you think that maybe, one day, you'll let me be your friend again?" Seth asked when Ryan didn't look up again.  
  
"You've been a good friend for me, excluding the past couple of months. But I need some time. I don't think...I don't think I'm over it yet. And I need to be over it," Ryan said quietly. "Can we take it day by day?"  
  
Seth had to take what he could get. And that sounded better than a maybe.  
  
They sat in silence a while.  
  
"You know, I've got some comics that aren't about war, if you want to borrow them," Seth said. "I've got a huge backlog from when I was having my breakdown; luckily, Mom picked them up for me."  
  
"Maybe if I get through this chapter, I'll check them out," Ryan replied after a long pause.  
  
"Cool. I'll...I'll see you later," he said, getting up and walking back toward the house.  
  


\---------------------------------------

  
Kirsten was sitting up watching something to numb her mind so hopefully she'd be able to sleep when she finally joined Sandy in bed.  
  
MTV was not what it used to be.  
  
She saw movement from the corner of her eye and smiled when Ryan glimpsed her on the couch. She waved him over.  
  
His hair was sticking up haphazardly so she could tell he'd at least lain down in bed.  
  
"Sandy told me about the pills, I'm sorry they didn't work," she said when he sat down beside her. She put her arm around him, rubbing his shoulder.  
  
"They make me sleep...but they make the dreams last longer, harder to shake," Ryan said quietly.  
  
"Is that why you're up?"  
  
"I just need to shake it off, and then I'll go back to bed," Ryan replied.  
  
"Would it help if I made you some tea? It's decaf, and there's already a kettle on the stove from where I made mine," she offered.  
  
"Tea? I didn't know we were vacationing in England," Ryan smiled slightly.  
  
"One day we should, and you'll need to know how to appreciate tea," she said.  
  
It only took a moment and when she returned, Ryan had pulled his legs onto the couch. He accepted the teacup with a nod of thanks and put it down on the table to cool.  
  
"So did you have fun with Sandy today? Honestly? Because he had a great time, he talked himself to sleep about how much he loves to fish," Kirsten said.  
  
"It was different. But nice. I thought he took me out just so I couldn't run away when he talked to me," Ryan said. He lowered his voice. "But...I'm glad I went. He's a good listener."  
  
"Ryan, you talk so little, I guarantee people will listen when you decide to talk," Kirsten said, bumping her shoulder against him so he'd know she was teasing.  
  
It shouldn't be this hard to show him how much he meant to her. But as tough as he tried to be, she'd always think of him as fragile.  
  
It would be so easy to lose him.  
  
"Ryan?" she said, hesitating. "I heard you and Seth yesterday. And there's something I need to say to you, and I really need you to hear me."  
  
He nodded, glancing at her.  
  
"I love you. And I will still love you when you turn eighteen. And I'm here for you, I want to help you – but I don't know how...I can't help you if you can't talk to me. I don't know you like I know Seth – and considering his latest stunt, I don't even know if I know him as well as I should – but what I'm trying to say, Ryan, is that I love you and... _everything_ you do matters. It might not matter to the person you want it to matter to, but it matters to someone, it matters to _me_ ," Kirsten said.  
  
Ryan didn't say anything. She wasn't even sure if he was breathing. But at least she'd said the words.  
  
"I'm so sorry about your mother, Ryan. And I'm here for you. Anyway you'll let me be," she whispered.  
  
When she put her arm around him this time, he leaned his head on her shoulder.  
  
"I can't remember my mom ever being nice to me without somebody there to watch. Asking me if I had a good day. I can't remember her ever caring about what happened to me unless it messed up her plans," he said after a long moment. "But I remember the way she laughed at _Married with Children_. And I remember the way she'd giggle when somebody told her a dirty joke. I remember the grin she'd get when she'd win a game of poker."  
  
She knew there was nothing she could say, she had to listen.  
  
"I remember all the bad stuff, too. And now that she's gone...I just wish I'd worked harder to remember the good times instead of just trying to forget the bad. To forget all of it. Because now I don't have anything. I was never a good enough kid for her, I couldn't do anything right and now...I'll never have the chance."  
  
"You don't have to prove anything. You're Ryan Atwood, that's all you have to be now. You're not Dawn's son, or Trey's little brother. You're not Seth's sidekick or Summer's boyfriend. You're Ryan Atwood. That's all you have to be. Everything else will fall into place." She turned her head and kissed the top of his head gently. "And I know one mother that's very proud of you."  
  


\---------------------------------------


	42. Chapter 42

  
  
Ryan was stiff when he woke up on the couch with the sun shining through the blinds of the cabin.  
  
He remembered talking to Kirsten last night, but didn't remember falling asleep.  
  
He hoped he hadn't embarrassed himself and fell asleep on her shoulder or anything.  
  
But he was so tired. He needed to take sleep where he could get it. Nightmare-free sleep.  
  
He folded the afghan that was spread over him and hurried upstairs, hoping that no one would see him.  
  
Yesterday was...interesting. But he wasn't sure where to mark points on his mental scorecard.  
  
He was tired of being angry. Tired of being hurt.  
  
The Cohens had given him a cushion and even though after Marissa's death, it had been pulled from beneath him with Seth's spiral, they were clearly trying to support him.  
  
And Kirsten and Sandy's words had gotten through the walls he'd worked so hard to put up.  
  
They didn't know him any better than he knew them. They didn't know what to expect, how he coped or how to help him without setting him off. It went both ways and he should have considered it sooner.  
  
His mom was dead. But he still had family. Sandy and Kirsten. Seth.  
  
Trey could be a huge asshole sometimes and Ryan forgave him because he was family.  
  
Didn't Seth deserve the same courtesy?  
  
Kirsten and Sandy had done so much for him...who was he to expect any more? Yet they wanted to give more. They wanted to be his parents.  
  
But he'd never had parents like the Cohens before. He didn't even know they existed until he 'relocated' to Newport.  
  
He pulled out his cell phone and glanced at the display before calling Summer.  
  
"Hey," she answered. He could hear her smile. He'd missed her smile.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"How's the camping trip?"  
  
"It's...better than I thought it would be."  
  
"Tell me all about it, I'm listening."  
  
He smiled and settled back on the bed.  
  


\----------------

  
  
Seth glanced up from his comics when he heard Ryan's footsteps coming down the stairs.  
  
He wasn't sure how their tentative truce was going to go, but he was eager to find out.  
  
He didn't want Ryan to hate him anymore. Without Marissa...he needed all the friends he could get. Real friends and not ones that wouldn't hang out with him sober.  
  
His 'phase' was hopefully over. He'd spent so much time looking for something to make him feel less sad about Marissa and in the process; he'd pushed away the few people that could help him get over it.  
  
Marissa was gone. But Ryan and his parents were still here.  
  
"Hey," Ryan said, sitting down beside him on the couch.  
  
"Hey. You slept late," Seth replied.  
  
"I was talking to Summer. She says hello," Ryan shrugged. His eyes flickered up and met his gaze. "You want to run a game?"  
  
"Sure," Seth said, forcing himself not to fall over in shock.  
  
But as he set up the transported Playstation, he wondered why he hadn't tried this before.  
  
Their friendship had started over the Playstation, so it was the logical place for their second start.  
  
But when the familiar music started playing from the speakers, Seth realized this was different from that.  
  
They weren't new friends anymore. They were family.  
  
"I'm really sorry about your Mom," Seth said. He didn't dare glance at Ryan. He'd rather not see the punch coming, but he wanted to say this.  
  
"I only had a few months with Marissa as someone I loved. She was always next door, but she was only mine a little while. And I know how I keep going over and over everything in my head, all the signs I missed and all the things I could have done differently...and it was only a few months. You had 16 years with your mom and I have no concept of how much it must hurt to know she's gone."  
  
When he finally got the nerve to glance at his friend, he was relieved to see that Ryan wasn't angry. Just...sad.  
  
"The last time I saw my Mom we argued. At least Marissa loved you enough to give you a happy memory to end on," Ryan shrugged.  
  
"She ruined the best Chrismukkah ever. I'm officially retiring the holiday. If she really cared about me...she would have tried harder to...stay. I mean...I know she loved me, but...it wasn't enough, you know?"  
  
Ryan was watching him openly now. "Yeah. I know."  
  
"I'm sure your mother loved you, too, Ryan," Seth said. "And even though I know it hurt you when she kicked you out...it was the best thing to ever happen to me and my parents."  
  
He turned his attention the screen and tried to focus on the game instead of the silence that had fallen over the room.  
  
"Thanks," Ryan said softly.  
  
Seth felt twenty pounds lighter. He could do this.  
  
He'd lost Marissa. He wouldn't lose his brother, too.  
  
"Boys, I'm glad you're already up and conscious," his dad announced, walking in. "Kirsten and I were hoping we could all go into town for lunch; take a break from home cooking for the day."  
  
"Did Mom ruin Rosa's lunch?" Seth asked.  
  
Ryan sniffed dramatically. "I don't smell smoke."  
  
"Ha ha," Seth's mom replied dryly. "If you don't want to go out, I'll be glad to reheat something in the fridge."  
  
Ryan glanced at him and Seth read his opinion. "Going into town's cool with us."  
  
"Great, I'll get my things," his mom smiled. She brushed her hand over his head until he ducked and then paused to pat Ryan's shoulder before heading to her room.  
  
"Why are we really going into town?" Ryan asked when she was gone.  
  
Seth's dad lowered his voice. "She put Dennis the fish in the refrigerator last night. Luckily, he survived but I want to get an aquarium so he doesn't get mistaken for pickles again."  
  
"Maybe we should return Dennis to the lake," Ryan laughed.  
  
Seth shook his head and stifled his amusement for his mom's sake. "We can't turn him loose and risk him growing up and being eaten!"  
  
"People eat pickles, too," Sandy pointed out.  
  
"Dennis is not green and tasty, he's a...fish," Seth sputtered.  
  
"Sandy! You said you weren't going to tell the boys!" his mom said, flushed as she returned.  
  
"It's okay, Kirsten," Ryan said, standing up. "I think he'll like his own little bubbly treasure chest."  
  
"Ooh, and one of those plastic scuba divers," Seth added.  
  
"We were thinking rocks and a plant," his dad laughed. "But we can negotiate."  
  
Things weren't back to normal yet. Hell, he wasn't back to normal yet.  
  
But Ryan had said more than ten words and had smiled. He'd talked to Seth without the hurt flashing in his eyes.  
  
They'd fallen out of sync, but they'd find a rhythm again. They had to.  
  
Seth needed his family. He didn't do so well on his own.  
  


\----------------

  
  
"Excuse me, Miss Roberts?"  
  
She turned and recognized Mr. Jenkins behind her with his ever-present cup of coffee. "Hi, Mr. Jenkins. What's up?"  
  
"Have you heard from Ryan lately? Dr. Adams and I were just wondering how his vacation was going," the teacher said.  
  
"He'll be home in a couple of days, he's...better. I think he just needed a break from all the drama," Summer replied. "I'll let him know you asked."  
  
"Please. Thank you for the update," he said.  
  
"Is there a reason you're asking? Like, other than concern?" Summer asked before he walked away.  
  
The man glanced around and Summer wondered if something else was going wrong.  
  
"He got accepted to the summer program at MIT. His letter will be in his mailbox when he gets back," Mr. Jenkins admitted.  
  
"Oh," Summer realized.  
  
"It's a great opportunity, but...Dr. Adams and I wonder if he applied for the reasons he should have. The drama...gets smothering around here and we don't want him to regret his decision."  
  
Summer nodded. "I know what you're saying. He's mentioned summer stuff before, but never applied until things got dark at home."  
  
"Between you and me, he doesn't need to go to a summer program to get into college. The kid's got a brain like a scientific calculator and can go anywhere he wants if he keeps on track," the teacher added.  
  
"Thanks, Mr. Jenkins. Probably for the first and last time ever, you and me are on the same page," she said. "And I won't tell him about the letter or our conversation. But I'll make sure he thinks long and hard about his decision."  
  
He winked at her and walked toward his classroom.  
  
Teachers were weird.  
  
She couldn't wait for Ryan to get back.  
  
He was such an ingrained part of her life now that she couldn't remember life without him.  
  
Marissa had been her sidekick for so long but Ryan filled a place in her life she didn't know had been vacant.  
  
But Marissa wasn't here anymore. And for now, neither was Ryan.  
  
She caught Holly's wave across the lounge and joined her remaining friends on the sofa.  
  
She missed Ryan. Really missed Marissa.  
  
But she could do this on her own. She was strong enough to stand on her own two feet.  
  
Steady.  
  


\----------------


	43. Chapter 43

  
The first few days were harder than he expected.  
  
Even if he was in a dorm with other kids his own age, friends didn't come easy to him. Not like Newport.  
  
Unlike Harbor, his blond hair and muscles weren't a plus at MIT; they just made him the 'weird one'. And nerds could be just as mean as popular kids when among their own kind.  
  
He spent most of his time between classes in his room with Dennis the fish who had made the trip with him.  
  
Being away from the Cohens made him realize how much he missed them. How much he needed them.  
  
But he called every night and somehow his friends had gotten his class schedules and he'd get calls from Luke, Zach, Anna, Taylor and even Chip and Holly when he was at lunch. Taylor explained that they'd each taken a day to call.  
  
When he made it to Friday, he felt accomplished.  
  
And excited.  
  
He finished his last seminar's assignment and hurried to his room to change.  
  
There were several kids loitering outside the dorm when he returned in clean clothes and his bag but he ignored their snickering and glares.  
  
He wasn't the only guy that got to leave campus.  
  
It was strange that these smart kids hated him for an entirely different reason than the kids in Newport. They didn't know about his criminal record, or his poverty-level childhood.  
  
They hated him because he was smarter than them. And because he had pictures of his hottie girlfriend sitting around his room.  
  
He walked out to the sidewalk beside the street and lit a cigarette. If the kids tattled on him, he'd deal with it but his shrink had said he could smoke if he needed to.  
  
The shrink had been the only thing the Cohens had pushed on him when they got back from their 'cabin bonding' trip.  
  
Seth had explained it to him differently than anyone else had done before. And since he was seeing a shrink consistently these days, he knew just what to say.  
  
 _"You can tell them things you can't tell anyone else and they aren't allowed to tell anyone your secrets. They don't know anything about you except what you tell them so you don't have to worry about them misinterpreting you or treating you different just because you dropped a bombshell on them. And you won't have to feel like you're putting too much baggage on them because they're getting paid for it."_  
  
The shrink didn't put him on medication. And even if he did make him talk, it wasn't so bad.  
  
He'd gained five of the ten pounds he'd lost back and only had nightmares a couple of times a week instead of every sleep cycle.  
  
He was steadier now.  
  
When he saw Summer's convertible turn the corner, he didn't hide his smile.  
  
He was steadier, but seeing Summer made him feel like he was standing on solid ground instead of hard sand.  
  
A few of the guys whistled behind him and he could tell their conversation had stopped as they saw Summer park the car and get out and walk over to him.  
  
She tipped her sunglasses onto the top of her head, pushing her hair out of her face.  
  
He knew she liked being the boss, but this kiss was his.

**Author's Note:**

> Eagerly anticipating seeing the final word count of this thing. Somebody drum roll.
> 
> ETA: WOW.


End file.
